1 00:00:02,768 --> 00:00:06,795 Say, Zeltzer, my family is with me here today but all the tables are full. 2 00:00:06,839 --> 00:00:08,101 Do you mind if we join you for breakfast? 3 00:00:08,140 --> 00:00:10,165 Oh, not at all. I get family. 4 00:00:10,209 --> 00:00:13,303 I'm here so much, I hardly ever see my wife. 5 00:00:13,345 --> 00:00:16,041 And that's why I installed a Web camera at my house. 6 00:00:16,081 --> 00:00:18,174 That way, I can see her during the day. 7 00:00:18,217 --> 00:00:20,412 Right now I'm watching her do the Dishes. 8 00:00:20,452 --> 00:00:22,579 Who in God's name are those two naked people? 9 00:00:22,621 --> 00:00:24,782 That's Mr. And Mrs. Dish. 10 00:00:24,823 --> 00:00:26,085 Get out. 11 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:29,991 - Hi, puppy. - FYI, 12 00:00:30,029 --> 00:00:32,759 I fired the cashier and the person that made the scrambled eggs. 13 00:00:32,798 --> 00:00:34,595 Their accents were unintelligible. 14 00:00:34,633 --> 00:00:35,725 What're you talking about? 15 00:00:35,768 --> 00:00:38,566 Oh, it's one of the benefits of you being the Chief of Medicine. 16 00:00:38,604 --> 00:00:42,734 I can fire people under your auspices. Also, I didn't have to pay for food. 17 00:00:42,775 --> 00:00:44,675 I got three steaks! 18 00:00:45,944 --> 00:00:47,571 Jordan, that's... 19 00:00:47,613 --> 00:00:52,209 Give me one of these. Why isn't he in pre-school right now? 20 00:00:52,384 --> 00:00:54,978 Oh, 'cause he told me they have the day off for Yom Kippur. 21 00:00:55,020 --> 00:00:57,545 Yom Kippur was six months ago. 22 00:00:57,589 --> 00:00:59,216 I hate school! 23 00:00:59,258 --> 00:01:01,351 Never been more proud of you. 24 00:01:01,393 --> 00:01:05,625 It's the password to my Web cam. I think you're gonna dig it. 25 00:01:09,435 --> 00:01:11,767 - Oh, babe, you got a little smudge there. - Uh-oh. 26 00:01:11,804 --> 00:01:13,294 What is that, strawberry jam? 27 00:01:13,338 --> 00:01:15,272 Nah, just a little blood from shaving. 28 00:01:15,307 --> 00:01:16,968 Oh, sweetie. 29 00:01:17,009 --> 00:01:18,977 Oh, don't worry, I wasn't shaving myself. 30 00:01:19,278 --> 00:01:22,839 Say, Jack, don't you think your mom should be just a little embarrassed 31 00:01:22,881 --> 00:01:25,975 that she's constantly being outwitted by a four-year-old? 32 00:01:26,018 --> 00:01:27,781 I hate school! 33 00:01:27,820 --> 00:01:28,980 I remember. 34 00:01:29,021 --> 00:01:32,422 Can you please not be a jackass in front of the help? 35 00:01:33,392 --> 00:01:35,792 - I'm gonna get going. - Okay. We're still on for tonight, right? 36 00:01:35,828 --> 00:01:37,318 I'll answer that with this. 37 00:01:37,362 --> 00:01:39,887 I don't know what that means. 38 00:01:39,932 --> 00:01:41,490 You're so cute. 39 00:01:42,634 --> 00:01:44,932 I'm actually baffled. Am I gonna see her tonight or not? 40 00:01:44,970 --> 00:01:48,872 Was either one of us giving you a vibe that we give a crap? 41 00:01:48,907 --> 00:01:52,172 Because, if so, that's an accident and we're sorry. 42 00:01:52,211 --> 00:01:53,371 Apology accepted. 43 00:01:53,412 --> 00:01:55,607 And you know, just because Lady and I are clicking 44 00:01:55,647 --> 00:01:57,376 and you guys aren't doesn't matter, really. 45 00:01:57,416 --> 00:01:58,883 Just means we're a better couple. 46 00:01:58,917 --> 00:02:01,784 No, I'm just tired of him saying I'm not a good parent. 47 00:02:01,820 --> 00:02:03,378 I am a great mom. 48 00:02:03,422 --> 00:02:05,982 Oh, really? Then where's your son, Jack? 49 00:02:08,060 --> 00:02:09,254 Hmm. 50 00:02:10,662 --> 00:02:13,096 Damn it. Jack! 51 00:02:16,001 --> 00:02:18,469 This is SportsCenter. 52 00:02:18,837 --> 00:02:20,270 After Buffalo Bills tight end 53 00:02:20,305 --> 00:02:23,001 Kevin Everett fractured his cervical spine during a game, 54 00:02:23,041 --> 00:02:25,509 the question wasn't whether he would ever walk again. 55 00:02:25,544 --> 00:02:26,977 It was whether he would live. 56 00:02:27,012 --> 00:02:30,379 Thankfully, Mr. Everett both alive and walking today, 57 00:02:30,415 --> 00:02:34,374 thanks to an incredibly risky medical procedure called cold therapy. 58 00:02:34,419 --> 00:02:36,819 It's as unproven as it is controversial, 59 00:02:36,855 --> 00:02:40,256 with doctors still disagreeing about its very effectiveness. 60 00:02:40,292 --> 00:02:42,055 Turk, if we have another baby 61 00:02:42,094 --> 00:02:43,994 - it'll still be pretty financially tight. - Mmm-hmm. 62 00:02:44,029 --> 00:02:46,497 'Cause we're gonna need to keep the nanny on for Izzy. 63 00:02:46,532 --> 00:02:48,397 Are you even listening to me? 64 00:02:48,433 --> 00:02:50,526 I'm not, baby, but I was pretending to listen 65 00:02:50,569 --> 00:02:52,594 and so I think we can both agree that means I love you. 66 00:02:52,638 --> 00:02:55,766 Turk, this is serious. I worry about this stuff. 67 00:02:55,807 --> 00:02:58,708 Baby, the only thing I'm worried about is you having another girl. 68 00:02:58,744 --> 00:03:00,644 - I'm surrounded by girls. - Surrounded? 69 00:03:00,679 --> 00:03:02,340 Yes. Surrounded by girls. 70 00:03:02,381 --> 00:03:05,942 - Baby, you, Izzy, Elliot. - Who else? 71 00:03:05,984 --> 00:03:07,246 Hey. 72 00:03:08,820 --> 00:03:11,380 What's that laugh about? That laugh is never good for me. 73 00:03:11,423 --> 00:03:13,891 - You're a girl. - No, I'm not. 74 00:03:13,926 --> 00:03:16,952 - What's this show? Is it new? - It's SportsCenter, dude. 75 00:03:18,597 --> 00:03:23,034 If you must do that witch cackle can you please do it in the hallway? 76 00:03:23,068 --> 00:03:24,433 Thank you. 77 00:03:26,171 --> 00:03:29,004 I've been watching this show every day since I was 10 years old. 78 00:03:29,041 --> 00:03:31,566 You know, we've asked you, among many things today, 79 00:03:31,610 --> 00:03:33,669 how do you feel about the baseball, the football, the... 80 00:03:33,712 --> 00:03:36,647 So they just sit there and talk about sports? 81 00:03:37,849 --> 00:03:39,441 - Your wife's a dirty whore. - Dude! 82 00:03:39,484 --> 00:03:40,781 - Sorry. Not dirty. - Dude! 83 00:03:40,819 --> 00:03:42,343 Not a whore. 84 00:03:42,387 --> 00:03:44,787 How cool would it be to be on SportsCenter? 85 00:03:46,091 --> 00:03:49,788 Welcome to SportsCenter. America has voted. The results are in. 86 00:03:49,828 --> 00:03:53,628 And the worst athlete in the world? It's this guy right here. 87 00:03:54,099 --> 00:03:56,829 I like wearing a helmet, 'cause I can do this. 88 00:03:57,903 --> 00:04:00,064 And it only hurts a little bit. 89 00:04:00,105 --> 00:04:02,403 Congratulations, John Dorian. 90 00:04:02,441 --> 00:04:04,841 You are a giant nerd. 91 00:04:05,577 --> 00:04:06,839 So cool. 92 00:04:07,512 --> 00:04:10,879 I can't do this all on my own 93 00:04:11,116 --> 00:04:12,606 No, I know 94 00:04:12,651 --> 00:04:14,585 I'm no Superman 95 00:04:17,856 --> 00:04:19,448 I'm no Superman 96 00:04:22,494 --> 00:04:24,826 J.D.: It's amazing watching Turk do his thing. 97 00:04:24,863 --> 00:04:26,797 I haven't been to the future yet, 98 00:04:26,832 --> 00:04:28,857 but I may be the best surgeon of all time. 99 00:04:30,002 --> 00:04:31,128 Close him up. 100 00:04:31,169 --> 00:04:33,330 Nah nah nah, nah nah nah! 101 00:04:35,207 --> 00:04:36,265 What're you doing? 102 00:04:36,308 --> 00:04:38,606 You were awesome. Just like on SportsCenter. 103 00:04:38,644 --> 00:04:40,942 Nah nah nah, nah nah nah! 104 00:04:41,513 --> 00:04:43,708 Nah nah nah, nah nah nah! 105 00:04:43,749 --> 00:04:44,943 I know, that's what I did. 106 00:04:44,983 --> 00:04:46,644 Nah, nah nah nah, nah nah nah? 107 00:04:46,685 --> 00:04:48,778 Nah nah nah, nah... 108 00:04:48,820 --> 00:04:50,048 No, hold on a second. 109 00:04:50,088 --> 00:04:51,282 Doe, a deer. 110 00:04:51,323 --> 00:04:53,188 No, it's doe, it's a deer. 111 00:04:53,225 --> 00:04:56,023 J.D., now is not a good time, okay? 112 00:04:56,895 --> 00:04:58,658 That kid broke his neck. 113 00:05:01,833 --> 00:05:04,461 - I want to thank you for dinner last night. - Mmm-hmm. 114 00:05:04,503 --> 00:05:07,370 I've eaten by candlelight before, but never by firefly-light. 115 00:05:07,406 --> 00:05:09,101 Yeah, it was hard to get them all in the jugs, 116 00:05:09,141 --> 00:05:10,369 - but I thought it was worth it. - Oh. 117 00:05:10,409 --> 00:05:12,001 So, what do you want to do tonight? 118 00:05:12,044 --> 00:05:15,605 Um, I don't really want to hold hands right now. Is that okay? 119 00:05:16,114 --> 00:05:19,413 Sure. You know, that's... I'm fine with that. Whatever. 120 00:05:19,751 --> 00:05:22,618 Like teenage girls say, "Whatever." 121 00:05:22,654 --> 00:05:24,519 We're cool. 122 00:05:25,657 --> 00:05:27,352 Okay. I'll call you. 123 00:05:27,726 --> 00:05:28,818 Okay. 124 00:05:28,860 --> 00:05:32,557 Hey, Janitor. Rock-solid relationship there. 125 00:05:33,165 --> 00:05:36,134 You know, there's nothing like looking in someone's eyes 126 00:05:36,168 --> 00:05:38,466 and seeing a part of them die. 127 00:05:40,672 --> 00:05:45,541 Oh, there it goes! Bye-bye, hope. 128 00:05:46,178 --> 00:05:47,941 Everything is fine between me and Lady. 129 00:05:47,979 --> 00:05:49,708 And excuse me for not having a relationship 130 00:05:49,748 --> 00:05:52,478 built on a mutual affection for jet-black hate. 131 00:05:52,517 --> 00:05:54,314 We don't hate each other, do we? 132 00:05:54,353 --> 00:05:57,049 - A little bit, but we make it work. - Yeah. 133 00:05:57,122 --> 00:06:00,182 - At least I can hold your hand. - There it is. 134 00:06:00,225 --> 00:06:01,692 What's this? 135 00:06:01,727 --> 00:06:04,287 What the hell? Are you wearing a wedding ring? 136 00:06:04,329 --> 00:06:08,322 You just noticing that now? He's been wearing it for months. 137 00:06:08,367 --> 00:06:10,801 - Months? - Got to go. 138 00:06:16,608 --> 00:06:18,132 I'm a cutter. 139 00:06:18,176 --> 00:06:23,170 I usually say "surgery went great" or "he's not gonna make it, I'm sorry." 140 00:06:24,416 --> 00:06:28,147 I've never had to tell anyone that their son's gonna be paralyzed. 141 00:06:28,186 --> 00:06:29,881 That's gonna suck. 142 00:06:29,921 --> 00:06:32,549 I wish there was an easier way to say this. 143 00:06:34,893 --> 00:06:36,258 Mr. Hill? 144 00:06:37,729 --> 00:06:39,629 Got you a card. 145 00:06:41,199 --> 00:06:44,066 "Great to see you, great to talk. 146 00:06:45,904 --> 00:06:49,601 "The bad news is, your son can't walk." 147 00:06:50,142 --> 00:06:54,704 And see, there's a picture of a kitty cat in a wheelchair. 148 00:06:54,746 --> 00:06:56,270 Look at the cat. 149 00:06:56,314 --> 00:06:59,215 He's shrugging, like, "What are you gonna do?" 150 00:06:59,251 --> 00:07:01,685 "What are you..." We did it at the same time! 151 00:07:04,122 --> 00:07:06,317 Dude. Was the daydream helpful? 152 00:07:06,358 --> 00:07:07,484 Not especially. 153 00:07:07,526 --> 00:07:10,324 I need you to focus. You're better at this than I am. 154 00:07:10,362 --> 00:07:11,693 Here's what you're gonna do. 155 00:07:11,730 --> 00:07:14,722 You're gonna go in there, and you're going to be completely honest. 156 00:07:14,766 --> 00:07:16,097 That's all you've got? 157 00:07:16,134 --> 00:07:18,068 Because I've been a doctor for more than 10 minutes. 158 00:07:18,103 --> 00:07:19,661 Try not to get too emotional. 159 00:07:19,704 --> 00:07:21,763 If you feel yourself starting to cry, do what I do 160 00:07:21,807 --> 00:07:25,334 and think of that gopher at the end of Caddyshack when he dances. 161 00:07:25,977 --> 00:07:27,342 Got it. 162 00:07:27,379 --> 00:07:29,574 And, Turk, most importantly, 163 00:07:30,382 --> 00:07:32,976 don't give him any false hope. You know? 164 00:07:33,018 --> 00:07:35,350 If you go in there and make him think for a second 165 00:07:35,387 --> 00:07:37,218 there could be a happy ending for him, 166 00:07:37,255 --> 00:07:40,156 if it doesn't work out, they're gonna blame you forever. 167 00:07:40,192 --> 00:07:42,956 I did that. You remember, with my patient Mr. Chazznini? 168 00:07:42,994 --> 00:07:45,428 I think about it every day. Good luck. 169 00:07:46,731 --> 00:07:48,824 - Mr. Hill? - Yes? 170 00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:53,093 I'm Dr. Christopher Turk. I need to talk to you about your son. 171 00:07:56,141 --> 00:07:59,872 Miss Jensen, your brain CT came back and as you can see, 172 00:07:59,911 --> 00:08:01,606 we were able to get all of the tumor. 173 00:08:01,646 --> 00:08:05,912 Unfortunately, we were not able to remove this. 174 00:08:07,319 --> 00:08:09,412 That's the song that's been stuck in your head. 175 00:08:09,454 --> 00:08:12,014 - Oh, Dr. Cox. - Hey. 176 00:08:12,858 --> 00:08:15,520 What gives with you wearing that thing on your finger? 177 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:20,395 It's mainly to deter cougars like Mrs. Jensen here from hitting on me, 178 00:08:20,432 --> 00:08:23,026 but it doesn't seem to have stopped you, does it? 179 00:08:25,203 --> 00:08:26,761 What's the real reason? 180 00:08:26,805 --> 00:08:29,968 Oh, I don't know. Lately I've been feeling warm and fuzzy about the kids, 181 00:08:30,008 --> 00:08:32,943 a little less nauseous about you, and then I found this thing stuck 182 00:08:32,978 --> 00:08:35,071 to an old piece of gum in the medicine cabinet. 183 00:08:35,113 --> 00:08:37,673 I put it on a couple of months ago and I haven't taken it off since. 184 00:08:37,716 --> 00:08:40,685 Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm. Perry, we're not married. 185 00:08:40,719 --> 00:08:43,984 We're two independent people who enjoy each other's company 186 00:08:44,022 --> 00:08:47,822 and are perfectly happy. We're the opposite of married. 187 00:08:47,859 --> 00:08:49,827 - I don't want you to wear it anymore. - Fine. 188 00:08:49,861 --> 00:08:51,886 Fine, what do you say I melt it down into a bullet 189 00:08:51,930 --> 00:08:53,830 - and shoot myself with it? - Thank you. 190 00:08:56,268 --> 00:08:58,930 Holding hands isn't so hard, is it? 191 00:08:58,970 --> 00:09:01,234 I think there's something wrong between me and Lady. 192 00:09:01,273 --> 00:09:03,764 Dibs. Who's Lady? 193 00:09:04,209 --> 00:09:06,177 Apparently she's not a fan of hand-holding. 194 00:09:06,211 --> 00:09:09,112 And that's what couples do. That and sleep head-to-toe. 195 00:09:10,248 --> 00:09:12,273 I'm just not sure she's the one. 196 00:09:13,018 --> 00:09:15,213 Zeltzer, when were you sure your wife was the one? 197 00:09:15,287 --> 00:09:17,653 It was our fourth date, over at her place. 198 00:09:17,689 --> 00:09:21,318 We were sitting by the fire, just staring into each other's eyes. 199 00:09:21,359 --> 00:09:24,192 I knew then and there that she was the one. 200 00:09:24,229 --> 00:09:27,323 I would've told her but I had a rubber ball in my mouth. 201 00:09:27,933 --> 00:09:29,628 I've just been Zeltzer-ed. 202 00:09:32,871 --> 00:09:34,202 Mr. Hill. 203 00:09:34,239 --> 00:09:35,501 It's Rich. 204 00:09:35,540 --> 00:09:38,236 Okay, Rich. Um, here's the situation. 205 00:09:39,144 --> 00:09:42,238 Your son's stable, his vitals are good. 206 00:09:42,414 --> 00:09:44,439 But the damage to his spine was quite severe. 207 00:09:44,482 --> 00:09:46,643 So there's a strong possibility that he could... 208 00:09:46,685 --> 00:09:51,145 He really loved that car. The one he had the accident in. 209 00:09:52,123 --> 00:09:54,216 He was always cleaning it. 210 00:09:54,926 --> 00:09:57,588 Driving it around with the top down. 211 00:09:57,896 --> 00:09:59,022 Okay. Um. 212 00:10:00,665 --> 00:10:03,099 Rich, the problem with spinal cord injuries... 213 00:10:03,134 --> 00:10:05,432 Do you have any kids, Dr. Turk? 214 00:10:06,304 --> 00:10:09,205 Yeah. I do. I've got a daughter. 215 00:10:09,541 --> 00:10:11,099 They grow up fast. 216 00:10:11,943 --> 00:10:16,004 You know, when Mikey was twelve, he was a hell of a football player. 217 00:10:16,414 --> 00:10:19,349 Rich, I'm trying to talk to you about your son. 218 00:10:19,784 --> 00:10:20,978 - Here's... - Yeah. 219 00:10:21,019 --> 00:10:23,544 I know you're trying to talk to me about my son. 220 00:10:25,590 --> 00:10:29,492 When they brought Mike in, I saw them poking at his fingers and toes, 221 00:10:29,527 --> 00:10:31,392 asking if he felt it. 222 00:10:33,031 --> 00:10:35,932 Dr. Turk, I have a pit in my stomach because I'm afraid 223 00:10:35,967 --> 00:10:39,835 you've come here to tell me my boy is going to be paralyzed. 224 00:10:41,072 --> 00:10:42,596 Tell me it isn't true. 225 00:10:42,641 --> 00:10:45,132 We're not exactly certain of that yet. 226 00:10:46,011 --> 00:10:48,479 You're his doctor. What do you think? 227 00:10:50,882 --> 00:10:53,350 Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. 228 00:10:53,385 --> 00:10:56,149 Listen, something just really funny jumped into my head. 229 00:10:56,187 --> 00:10:57,814 What? Tell me. 230 00:10:58,556 --> 00:11:02,117 You remember when the gopher started dancing at the end of Caddyshack? 231 00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:04,958 J.D.: Oh, don't do the dance, Turk. Don't do the dance. 232 00:11:04,996 --> 00:11:07,021 Carla, your husband's not doing very well in there. 233 00:11:07,065 --> 00:11:09,533 I can't watch right now, I'm working. 234 00:11:09,567 --> 00:11:12,263 You know, if I was married to him I'd be more supportive. 235 00:11:12,303 --> 00:11:14,737 You know you said that out loud, right? 236 00:11:14,773 --> 00:11:16,741 I'm not ashamed of who I am. 237 00:11:17,242 --> 00:11:19,904 And there's a 90% chance that the gopher was a puppet, but 238 00:11:19,944 --> 00:11:22,640 this right here, hilarious. 239 00:11:23,381 --> 00:11:25,440 Dr. Turk, what the hell are we doing? 240 00:11:25,483 --> 00:11:27,007 I don't know. 241 00:11:29,154 --> 00:11:31,418 Rich, there's a strong possibility 242 00:11:31,456 --> 00:11:34,118 that your son will be paralyzed from the neck down. 243 00:11:34,159 --> 00:11:35,786 This isn't fair. 244 00:11:36,761 --> 00:11:38,353 I'm so sorry. 245 00:11:38,663 --> 00:11:44,067 Please tell me there's something else that you can do for my son. Anything. 246 00:11:46,137 --> 00:11:49,800 Don't give up on Mike. Please. 247 00:11:52,043 --> 00:11:55,240 J.D.: There's a lot a person can express, simply with their hands. 248 00:11:57,215 --> 00:11:58,773 Whether it's defiance... 249 00:11:59,451 --> 00:12:00,975 What the hell? 250 00:12:02,187 --> 00:12:03,552 J.D.: Rejection... 251 00:12:04,656 --> 00:12:06,886 Oh, I said I didn't want to do that. 252 00:12:08,026 --> 00:12:09,186 Why? 253 00:12:10,028 --> 00:12:12,656 We can talk about it later, okay? 254 00:12:17,135 --> 00:12:20,536 Looks like somebody's getting their ass dumped. 255 00:12:22,707 --> 00:12:24,504 J.D.: Or even desperation. 256 00:12:25,443 --> 00:12:28,901 Please, Dr. Turk. Please help. 257 00:12:33,051 --> 00:12:36,179 Don't do it, Turk. No false hope. Just get out. 258 00:12:37,922 --> 00:12:40,390 There might be something I can do. 259 00:12:43,762 --> 00:12:46,230 Okay. Okay. Okay. 260 00:12:53,805 --> 00:12:56,365 J.D.: Uh, Dr. Turk, a word, please? 261 00:12:56,407 --> 00:12:59,570 I'm sorry, sir. One of your patients is very... 262 00:13:00,478 --> 00:13:02,207 - What the hell are you doing? - What? 263 00:13:02,247 --> 00:13:04,374 Don't you remember my "don't give him false hope" speech 264 00:13:04,415 --> 00:13:06,610 and my lie about how I had done it with Mr. Chazznini? 265 00:13:06,651 --> 00:13:08,619 - That was a lie? - Yes, Turk. 266 00:13:08,653 --> 00:13:11,952 I lie to drive my points home, we both know that about me. 267 00:13:11,990 --> 00:13:13,958 Look, I actually have a good idea. 268 00:13:17,729 --> 00:13:21,597 Mr. Hill, there's a therapy I'd like to try on Mike. 269 00:13:21,633 --> 00:13:24,830 But here's the thing, it's very experimental... 270 00:13:24,869 --> 00:13:26,427 I don't care. We're in. 271 00:13:26,471 --> 00:13:29,929 It's not up to me to make the decision. I have to talk to my boss. 272 00:13:30,074 --> 00:13:31,302 Okay. 273 00:13:36,848 --> 00:13:39,373 Baby. I need to run something by you. 274 00:13:41,152 --> 00:13:43,848 Are you trying to annoy me by wearing your wedding ring? 275 00:13:43,888 --> 00:13:46,721 Because all you really needed to do was wear the "Who Farted?" T-shirt. 276 00:13:46,758 --> 00:13:50,717 Now, Hun, and when I say "Hun" I don't mean the "short for honey" kind, 277 00:13:50,762 --> 00:13:53,162 but rather the "Attila" kind, 278 00:13:53,731 --> 00:13:56,291 despite the fact that wearing our wedding ring 279 00:13:56,334 --> 00:13:58,928 may actually annoy you, which, don't get me wrong, 280 00:13:58,970 --> 00:14:01,404 is one of the most stupendous perks in the history of the planet, 281 00:14:01,439 --> 00:14:05,000 the truth is, I'm wearing it because I want to. 282 00:14:05,543 --> 00:14:07,306 So that's it. You're just going to ignore me? 283 00:14:07,345 --> 00:14:09,643 As much as I'll ignore the opening 284 00:14:09,681 --> 00:14:12,650 of Hugh Jackman's next cinematic excretion. 285 00:14:12,684 --> 00:14:16,347 Jordan, come on, bottom line, I'm not telling anyone that we're married. 286 00:14:16,387 --> 00:14:19,652 This isn't for other people, it's for me. 287 00:14:19,891 --> 00:14:23,725 Which begs the question, why on Earth would you care? 288 00:14:29,934 --> 00:14:32,835 She can't break up with me if I don't let her talk to me. 289 00:14:32,871 --> 00:14:34,133 J.D.: I don't know what was odder, 290 00:14:34,172 --> 00:14:36,333 the Janitor spouting random non sequiturs 291 00:14:36,374 --> 00:14:39,241 or Dr. Kelso doing his daily post-muffin power walk 292 00:14:39,277 --> 00:14:41,040 and rubbing in the fact that he's retired. 293 00:14:41,079 --> 00:14:43,274 Must suck to be you people. 294 00:14:44,215 --> 00:14:45,443 Baby, it's a long shot, 295 00:14:45,483 --> 00:14:48,646 but there's a procedure I heard of called cold therapy. 296 00:14:48,686 --> 00:14:51,655 We'd induce a mild hypothermia, which would minimize swelling 297 00:14:51,689 --> 00:14:54,317 and hopefully reduce the body's metabolic demand, 298 00:14:54,359 --> 00:14:56,190 preventing his paralysis. 299 00:14:56,227 --> 00:14:58,218 Hey. Do you have a second? 300 00:14:58,263 --> 00:15:02,290 Oh. Honey, I would love to, but I'm just right in the middle of something. 301 00:15:02,333 --> 00:15:05,166 Anyway, between the weak American dollar and the, 302 00:15:05,203 --> 00:15:07,262 you know, low interest rates, I think you'd be absolute fools 303 00:15:07,305 --> 00:15:09,330 not to buy a house right now. 304 00:15:09,374 --> 00:15:11,842 And the subprime mortgage foreclosures 305 00:15:11,876 --> 00:15:14,276 have just made it a complete buyer's market. 306 00:15:14,812 --> 00:15:19,272 - What the hell was that? - I don't know, but it kind of made sense. 307 00:15:20,084 --> 00:15:23,611 Look, the problem with cold therapy is that it's controversial. 308 00:15:23,655 --> 00:15:27,284 Bottom line, if there are any complications, it's on me. 309 00:15:28,159 --> 00:15:32,789 I could get sued, lose my license... Hell, baby, we could lose everything. 310 00:15:32,830 --> 00:15:36,027 - The car, the college fund, the house... - What house? 311 00:15:36,067 --> 00:15:38,797 - The one the Janitor was talking about. - No! 312 00:15:38,836 --> 00:15:40,235 What am I supposed to do? 313 00:15:40,271 --> 00:15:42,796 What would you do if it was one of our kids? 314 00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:44,569 I'd try everything. 315 00:15:44,609 --> 00:15:46,167 There's your answer. 316 00:15:47,578 --> 00:15:50,069 - Say it. - You're always right. 317 00:15:52,450 --> 00:15:54,918 Well, you were right. Lady and I are doomed. 318 00:15:54,953 --> 00:15:56,614 Congratulations, Pam. 319 00:15:56,654 --> 00:15:58,622 You think my name is Pam? 320 00:15:58,656 --> 00:16:00,783 You know what, I don't care. I have my own problems. 321 00:16:00,825 --> 00:16:03,555 The worst part is, things were really going great between us. 322 00:16:03,594 --> 00:16:05,789 Tell me about it. Perry and I finally got to the place 323 00:16:05,830 --> 00:16:07,821 where we could have sex facing each other. 324 00:16:07,865 --> 00:16:10,891 I finally got so comfortable with her that I was able to be the real me, you know? 325 00:16:10,935 --> 00:16:12,960 I even told her I don't ever want to have kids. 326 00:16:13,004 --> 00:16:15,700 I just want to adopt a really short, old guy. 327 00:16:16,307 --> 00:16:18,138 You know what? If she wants to break up with me, that's fine. 328 00:16:18,176 --> 00:16:19,507 But I'm just gonna dump her first. 329 00:16:19,544 --> 00:16:22,240 I'm going to torture him till he gives up that ring. 330 00:16:22,981 --> 00:16:25,415 Hey. Eavesdropping. 331 00:16:26,451 --> 00:16:28,442 Things have been going so great between J.D. And I 332 00:16:28,486 --> 00:16:31,114 since we started dating again. You want to know why? 333 00:16:31,155 --> 00:16:32,554 Not really. 334 00:16:32,590 --> 00:16:35,218 No one cares that you two are back together. 335 00:16:35,259 --> 00:16:36,385 Why not? 336 00:16:36,427 --> 00:16:39,658 Because you've been doing it on and off for seven years. 337 00:16:39,697 --> 00:16:43,224 And if any one of us ever want to have another stupid conversation 338 00:16:43,267 --> 00:16:46,168 about your relationship, all we have to do is 339 00:16:46,204 --> 00:16:49,867 think back and remember one of the other billions 340 00:16:49,907 --> 00:16:53,206 of stupid conversations we've all had about your relationship. 341 00:16:54,579 --> 00:16:57,377 J.D.: So, Turk, this Elliot chick is pretty hot. 342 00:16:57,415 --> 00:16:59,007 She got nice boobies? 343 00:16:59,050 --> 00:17:00,642 J.D.: Awesome boobies. 344 00:17:00,685 --> 00:17:01,777 So how's the butt? 345 00:17:01,819 --> 00:17:03,719 J.D.: Flat, just like I like it. 346 00:17:03,755 --> 00:17:05,154 Oh, yeah. 347 00:17:05,189 --> 00:17:07,282 J.D. 's gonna hit that flat butt! 348 00:17:07,325 --> 00:17:12,194 J.D. 's gonna hit that flat butt! J.D. 's gonna hit that flat butt! J. D... 349 00:17:13,664 --> 00:17:16,895 I was just thinking about the first time I told Turk about you. 350 00:17:19,037 --> 00:17:21,870 Look, you guys both said that you've been happy lately. 351 00:17:21,906 --> 00:17:23,703 Why mess that up over a ring? 352 00:17:23,741 --> 00:17:27,040 And why throw all of that away before you even talk to Lady? 353 00:17:27,078 --> 00:17:28,340 Seeing as that I'm part of a couple again, 354 00:17:28,379 --> 00:17:29,778 I'm gonna give you some relationship advice, 355 00:17:29,814 --> 00:17:31,111 whether you want it or not. 356 00:17:31,149 --> 00:17:33,208 That's what I do. I can't help myself. 357 00:17:33,251 --> 00:17:35,219 Still, don't tear things apart 358 00:17:35,253 --> 00:17:37,915 just because you're afraid to feel vulnerable. 359 00:17:38,356 --> 00:17:39,550 Hmm. 360 00:17:40,291 --> 00:17:44,193 Oh, lookit! You're adorable. Do you got a daddy? 361 00:17:46,464 --> 00:17:48,125 I'm just window-shopping. 362 00:17:49,267 --> 00:17:50,859 Okay, Rich. 363 00:17:50,902 --> 00:17:53,462 Mike's hooked up to the thermal regulation system, 364 00:17:53,504 --> 00:17:55,631 his body's now cooling. 365 00:17:55,673 --> 00:17:57,641 All we can do is wait and hope for the best. 366 00:17:57,675 --> 00:18:00,542 I feel really good about this, you know? 367 00:18:04,282 --> 00:18:06,147 That makes one of us. 368 00:18:06,884 --> 00:18:08,579 Baby, what am I doing? 369 00:18:08,619 --> 00:18:10,086 I am proud of you. 370 00:18:10,121 --> 00:18:13,852 Not just for being smart, but for being brave. Kiss. 371 00:18:15,827 --> 00:18:19,160 Where'd you get the idea for this risky therapy, anyway? 372 00:18:20,465 --> 00:18:21,830 SportsCenter. 373 00:18:21,866 --> 00:18:23,128 Excuse me? 374 00:18:23,167 --> 00:18:27,365 Nah nah nah, nah nah nah! SportsCenter, the place for sports! 375 00:18:28,372 --> 00:18:30,169 - Now's not really a good time. - Okay. 376 00:18:31,042 --> 00:18:32,737 - We should talk. - We should talk. 377 00:18:32,777 --> 00:18:35,541 - Yeah. - Yeah. I know. Okay. Sorry about that. 378 00:18:35,580 --> 00:18:37,673 - Yeah. - But, you go. 379 00:18:37,715 --> 00:18:39,307 Oh, no, no, no, you first. 380 00:18:39,350 --> 00:18:41,818 - I'd prefer you. - No, no. You go first. 381 00:18:41,853 --> 00:18:43,878 I have nothing to say. Please go. 382 00:18:43,921 --> 00:18:46,151 - Okay... - May I? 383 00:18:46,457 --> 00:18:50,416 I'm not really good at the talking part of relationships, 384 00:18:50,461 --> 00:18:54,830 but I've given this a little thought, and here goes. 385 00:18:55,766 --> 00:18:58,758 - Lf I were a catfish... See, that's no good. - Mmm-hmm. 386 00:18:58,803 --> 00:19:00,134 Catfish is no good. 387 00:19:00,171 --> 00:19:01,729 Let's pretend we're in Africa, 388 00:19:01,772 --> 00:19:04,468 and you're a monkey trying to steal my gold... 389 00:19:04,509 --> 00:19:06,272 I'm a germaphobe. 390 00:19:06,944 --> 00:19:07,968 What? 391 00:19:08,012 --> 00:19:10,503 The reason I don't want to hold hands is that I'm a germaphobe. 392 00:19:10,548 --> 00:19:12,948 Specifically, a hand-specific germaphobe. 393 00:19:12,984 --> 00:19:14,008 Hmm. 394 00:19:14,051 --> 00:19:16,713 My therapist thinks that part of reason I'm attracted to you 395 00:19:16,754 --> 00:19:18,915 is that you clean germs for a living. 396 00:19:18,956 --> 00:19:21,322 And you're a dead ringer for my dad. Whatever. Anyway. 397 00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:25,659 Look, uh, I've never told anyone this before, 398 00:19:25,696 --> 00:19:28,597 and I just finally feel so comfortable with you 399 00:19:28,633 --> 00:19:31,363 that I want to be the real me, you know? 400 00:19:32,537 --> 00:19:33,663 I do. 401 00:19:34,939 --> 00:19:36,907 - You're weird. - Yeah. 402 00:19:37,775 --> 00:19:39,140 I love that. 403 00:19:39,777 --> 00:19:41,938 - Really? - Yes. 404 00:19:41,979 --> 00:19:44,573 Mmm. Hey, don't touch the table, it's full of bacteria. 405 00:19:44,615 --> 00:19:46,105 Oh. Thanks. 406 00:19:48,986 --> 00:19:52,478 Well, that sucked. See you tomorrow, everybody. 407 00:19:52,723 --> 00:19:54,213 Bye, Bob! 408 00:19:55,059 --> 00:19:57,118 They're so cute. 409 00:19:58,062 --> 00:20:00,087 But I still think that we're the best couple here. 410 00:20:00,131 --> 00:20:01,428 No one cares, Elliot. 411 00:20:01,465 --> 00:20:03,933 J.D., you're in the relationship, you have to care! 412 00:20:03,968 --> 00:20:05,663 - Sorry. - Thank you. 413 00:20:06,470 --> 00:20:08,870 Look, you know what I love about where we are now? 414 00:20:08,906 --> 00:20:09,964 It's like I can tell you... 415 00:20:10,007 --> 00:20:13,272 J.D.: As I took Elliot's hand and nodded to make her think I was listening, 416 00:20:13,311 --> 00:20:15,176 I started to think about hands again, 417 00:20:15,213 --> 00:20:18,444 and how they really are windows to what we're feeling. 418 00:20:18,482 --> 00:20:20,313 Whether it's love... 419 00:20:22,653 --> 00:20:24,621 If you say anything, I'll kill you. 420 00:20:25,489 --> 00:20:26,888 Come here. 421 00:20:29,427 --> 00:20:30,451 J.D.: Or acceptance... 422 00:20:30,494 --> 00:20:31,859 This is great. It's like I'm steering you. 423 00:20:32,964 --> 00:20:35,057 Look out for weird coughing guy. 424 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:46,298 J.D.: And sometimes, they can even express hope. 425 00:20:49,247 --> 00:20:52,375 So you really think it was the cold therapy that helped him? 426 00:20:52,416 --> 00:20:54,543 I don't know. But I'm glad I did it. 427 00:20:55,519 --> 00:20:57,817 I'm really proud of you, baby. 428 00:21:02,093 --> 00:21:04,755 J.D.: There's got to be a way I could get on SportsCenter. 429 00:21:04,795 --> 00:21:07,992 Dr. Cox is athletic. I wonder if he could help. 430 00:21:11,836 --> 00:21:12,894 What is going on? 431 00:21:12,937 --> 00:21:14,199 Involuntary luge. 432 00:21:14,238 --> 00:21:16,706 - J.D.: Eagle! - Oh! 433 00:21:16,741 --> 00:21:18,572 That's got to hurt. 434 00:21:18,609 --> 00:21:20,770 - Glory always does. - Mmm-mmm. 435 00:21:21,312 --> 00:21:24,179 - Look at how his leg's all twisted. - Oh. 436 00:21:24,849 --> 00:21:28,012 J.D.: I'm still not sure why luge is even a sport.