1
00:00:01,301 --> 00:00:02,495
Four months into med school,

2
00:00:02,535 --> 00:00:04,594
and we were getting
on each other's nerves.

3
00:00:04,637 --> 00:00:06,434
Cole was especially good at it.

4
00:00:06,473 --> 00:00:08,634
Cole, you're wearing my scrubs.

5
00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:10,472
I had to wear the ones
my mom made me.

6
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,943
Babe, you know girl scrubs
make my ass pop.

7
00:00:14,981 --> 00:00:16,744
That is so stupid.

8
00:00:16,783 --> 00:00:18,774
Damn, Mama wants a bite!

9
00:00:19,619 --> 00:00:21,211
You know, Cole,

10
00:00:21,254 --> 00:00:23,620
you could be a little more respectful
of other people.

11
00:00:23,656 --> 00:00:27,456
Fine. Maya, that is a lovely sweater.

12
00:00:27,494 --> 00:00:29,758
It really shows everybody
what you're working with.

13
00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:32,024
There, Luce. You happy?

14
00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:34,066
- Ow! What was that for?
- I don't know.

15
00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:35,397
I assume you did something stupid.

16
00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:36,993
- Did he?
- Yeah.

17
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,402
One more for luck.

18
00:00:38,438 --> 00:00:39,871
All right, fall in, losers.

19
00:00:39,906 --> 00:00:42,534
Today, one of you is gonna get
an amazing learning opportunity.

20
00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:45,169
Trang, I need you to put a new gown
on Mrs. Gainer.

21
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,907
Be careful.
She's off her meds, has four-inch nails,

22
00:00:47,947 --> 00:00:50,040
and is convinced
someone's trying to steal her skin.

23
00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:52,611
Hey, Talking Man Baby, come here.

24
00:00:54,187 --> 00:00:56,781
I am parked
in the 10-minute parking zone.

25
00:00:56,823 --> 00:01:00,054
- You want me to move your car?
- No, I love the space.

26
00:01:00,093 --> 00:01:02,220
What I want you to do is to pull out of

27
00:01:02,262 --> 00:01:05,026
and then back into the space
every 10 minutes.

28
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:08,398
If you get bored, here's a ball
and a half a deck of cards.

29
00:01:08,435 --> 00:01:09,868
I want that ball.

30
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,201
Trang, get over here right now.

31
00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:13,296
I didn't envy Trang.

32
00:01:13,339 --> 00:01:16,274
At some point, we'd all been caught
between Dr. Mahoney and Dr. Cox,

33
00:01:16,309 --> 00:01:18,777
and it felt like being
in a pinball machine.

34
00:01:25,485 --> 00:01:28,579
And it always ended the same way,
with Dr. Cox winning.

35
00:01:28,621 --> 00:01:32,057
Tiny One, run fast now.

36
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:39,026
Dr. Kelso?

37
00:01:39,065 --> 00:01:42,557
I told you, you can't be coming up
in here stealing all the gauze.

38
00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:43,967
Are you building a giant gauze ball?

39
00:01:44,003 --> 00:01:45,868
'Cause if you are, I want in.
It's on my bucket list.

40
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,233
Actually, I'm here for a medical reason.

41
00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:49,502
I had a bit of a scare

42
00:01:49,542 --> 00:01:52,943
while I was playing a game
of Scattergories with my niece.

43
00:01:52,979 --> 00:01:54,139
You're still on the clock.

44
00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:56,273
She means the Scattergories clock.

45
00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:58,284
She's very competitive.

46
00:01:58,351 --> 00:02:01,809
Anyway, I got a little bit light-headed,
and so we're gonna run some tests.

47
00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:03,220
I wouldn't worry about it.

48
00:02:03,256 --> 00:02:06,054
A few years back,
I got a little light-headed myself.

49
00:02:06,092 --> 00:02:07,320
Turns out it was...

50
00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,960
Well, it was diabetes.
That's a bad example.

51
00:02:10,997 --> 00:02:12,965
You'll be fine. You'll be fine.

52
00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:16,032
What up, Dr. T?

53
00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:19,402
Okay, today, as part
of your practical doctoring class,

54
00:02:19,439 --> 00:02:22,306
we'll be conducting physical exams
on one another for the first time.

55
00:02:22,342 --> 00:02:23,570
Cole.

56
00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:26,178
Put your pants back on.

57
00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:30,774
My bad. I thought this was going
somewhere totally different.

58
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:34,412
People, I said it day one,
I can't teach you without your pants on.

59
00:02:35,054 --> 00:02:37,420
While doing these exams,
some of you may experience

60
00:02:37,457 --> 00:02:39,584
something we like to call
Med Student Syndrome.

61
00:02:40,026 --> 00:02:41,254
It's a common condition

62
00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:44,593
where med students think they have
the disease they're studying.

63
00:02:44,631 --> 00:02:46,496
All right, what I want you all
to do now, though,

64
00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:49,934
is partner up with the person
next to you and get it cracking.

65
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:54,269
Getting paired up in med school
was like playing a game of win,

66
00:02:54,307 --> 00:02:56,741
lose, or Frank.

67
00:02:56,776 --> 00:03:00,473
Spoiler alert. My skin's super flaky.

68
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:03,243
Man, I just got totally Frank'd.

69
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:06,675
I really appreciate you taking time
to check me out.

70
00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:09,085
I'm gonna take care of you,
but first, as you know,

71
00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:11,420
we got to knock out
one of these patient histories.

72
00:03:11,457 --> 00:03:13,084
And we both know how weird
these can get.

73
00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:15,060
Yes, deeply, deeply weird.

74
00:03:15,094 --> 00:03:16,584
What do you say we just dive right in?

75
00:03:16,629 --> 00:03:19,257
Are you currently taking
any medications?

76
00:03:19,299 --> 00:03:21,529
Have you had sex
with multiple partners?

77
00:03:21,568 --> 00:03:23,058
You exercising regularly?

78
00:03:23,102 --> 00:03:24,729
And have you traveled
outside the United States

79
00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:25,863
in the last couple months?

80
00:03:25,905 --> 00:03:28,169
Yes. Hell, yes.

81
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:31,837
Yes, I go to the bathroom 10 times
a day, which for me is cardio.

82
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:33,573
- Natch.
- I recently flew

83
00:03:33,613 --> 00:03:36,912
to Bangkok,
but I didn't actually get off the plane.

84
00:03:37,617 --> 00:03:38,675
Right.

85
00:03:39,452 --> 00:03:42,216
That little stunt you pulled with Trang?
Not cool.

86
00:03:42,255 --> 00:03:43,620
I needed him for real hospital work.

87
00:03:43,656 --> 00:03:45,920
Having him move my car,
I'll have you know,

88
00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:48,484
was hospital work of the highest order.

89
00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,358
That's exactly what Trang needed.

90
00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:52,261
Driving back and forth
in the parking lot,

91
00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:55,028
reinforcing every stereotype
of Asian drivers.

92
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,434
Look, you're the one
who put me with the med students,

93
00:03:57,470 --> 00:04:00,030
so don't undermine me.
Who's in charge of them, you or me?

94
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,507
I'm in charge of you,
and by the transitive property,

95
00:04:02,542 --> 00:04:05,033
anybody you're in charge of,
I'm also in charge of.

96
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:08,013
You see, I'm the boss around here.
I can pretty much do whatever I want.

97
00:04:08,047 --> 00:04:11,107
For instance,
I can use the intercom to whistle.

98
00:04:11,150 --> 00:04:12,947
Any loose change, automatically mine.

99
00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:14,749
And I never have to buy chocolate bars

100
00:04:14,787 --> 00:04:16,652
from any of my colleagues'
awful children

101
00:04:16,689 --> 00:04:18,884
to support their horrible school bands.

102
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:21,894
I can do whatever I want,
and you just have to stand and nod

103
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:25,455
like the sweet-mouthed little man-boy,
monkey toy that you truly are.

104
00:04:26,799 --> 00:04:27,823
Mine.

105
00:04:27,867 --> 00:04:28,959
Ugh!

106
00:04:29,969 --> 00:04:31,197
Leave.

107
00:04:33,072 --> 00:04:36,200
Even though Dr. Turk warned us
about Med Student Syndrome,

108
00:04:36,242 --> 00:04:37,709
we couldn't help ourselves.

109
00:04:37,744 --> 00:04:40,872
Dr. Turk, I've got scurvy and rickets.

110
00:04:40,913 --> 00:04:42,744
How did I get all the pirate diseases?

111
00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:46,650
That's a walk in the park
compared to my early-onset dementia.

112
00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:48,715
Where's my phone?

113
00:04:48,755 --> 00:04:51,189
Actually, Cole does have
a weird mole on his chest.

114
00:04:51,224 --> 00:04:55,456
Man, forget that mole. I'm more
worried about the pain in my throat.

115
00:04:55,895 --> 00:04:57,522
The T-Pain.

116
00:05:02,502 --> 00:05:07,496
Listen, guys, calm down. You're all fine.
Everything's good.

117
00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:10,998
That's a bruise, you're just ticklish,
and you, my friend,

118
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:12,204
you got ink on your tongue.

119
00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:15,737
Stop eating your pens.
Cole, the mole on your chest...

120
00:05:16,716 --> 00:05:19,651
Well, actually, the mole on your chest
is something we need to check out.

121
00:05:20,219 --> 00:05:23,279
So, Cole,

122
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:26,850
unfortunately, the biopsy shows
that your mole is malignant.

123
00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:28,451
You have melanoma.

124
00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:31,258
Skin cancer? Oh, my God, Cole.

125
00:05:35,301 --> 00:05:36,529
How'd you know
it was gonna be malignant?

126
00:05:36,569 --> 00:05:38,833
I didn't. I was prepared for both ways.

127
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:46,074
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

128
00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:59,585
Cole's cancer thing
was really freaking me out.

129
00:05:59,625 --> 00:06:02,526
Hey, check it,
I put orange soda in my IV bag.

130
00:06:02,562 --> 00:06:04,120
I'm like a hamster, yo.

131
00:06:04,163 --> 00:06:05,892
Cole, not so much.

132
00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:08,623
This is serious. You have cancer.

133
00:06:08,668 --> 00:06:11,728
Lucy, it's not cancer cancer.

134
00:06:11,771 --> 00:06:13,398
Hey, that kind of cancer is for uglies

135
00:06:13,439 --> 00:06:15,634
and dudes who keep laptops
on their balls.

136
00:06:18,511 --> 00:06:21,480
Well, then, Bob-O, I figured out
what's causing the fainting.

137
00:06:21,514 --> 00:06:24,847
Men don't faint.
We take unintended, decisive naps.

138
00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:27,444
It's just vagal syncope.
Nothing to worry about.

139
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:28,681
That's a relief.

140
00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:32,487
So, just fill my prescription
for blue steel and I'll be on my way.

141
00:06:32,525 --> 00:06:33,958
There is one other thing.

142
00:06:33,993 --> 00:06:37,759
Unfortunately, given your age
and your current insurance regulations,

143
00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:40,027
they're not gonna let you
drive anymore.

144
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:43,427
That's crazy. I'm a great driver.

145
00:06:46,205 --> 00:06:51,336
Hey, what's up? Nothing.
I was just about to grab some yogurt.

146
00:06:53,646 --> 00:06:57,343
I guess I can bum rides.
It's good, actually.

147
00:06:57,383 --> 00:06:59,214
You don't know how many times

148
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:02,881
I've been out late
and had to pass on that seventh drink.

149
00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:04,547
No more Mr. Responsible.

150
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:12,322
- What about him? How's he gonna die?
- Red nose, beer gut.

151
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:13,696
- Definitely liver failure.
- No way.

152
00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:15,030
Check out his shirt
and his callused hands.

153
00:07:15,067 --> 00:07:16,466
He probably works around
a lot of machinery.

154
00:07:16,502 --> 00:07:18,367
I'm thinking nail gun to the head.

155
00:07:18,404 --> 00:07:20,065
You said that about the nurse
who just walked by.

156
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,540
I think you're overestimating how many
people actually own nail guns.

157
00:07:22,575 --> 00:07:23,735
Whatever. That's how I want to go.

158
00:07:26,512 --> 00:07:27,570
- Hello.
- Number One,

159
00:07:27,647 --> 00:07:30,707
I need you to prep some forms
for Dr. Kelso,

160
00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:32,911
get the notes for today's lecture
out of my office

161
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:36,547
and set my DVR to record
Big Bang Theory.

162
00:07:36,589 --> 00:07:39,683
The whole world is watching this thing
and I've got to know why.

163
00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:43,259
I got to go. Dr. Cox needs me
to do a bunch of stuff.

164
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:45,821
Cox? You're leaving me for Cox,
right now?

165
00:07:45,865 --> 00:07:49,961
- Yeah, is that all right?
- No, yeah, that's fine. Go.

166
00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:54,138
It's just all this talk
about, you know, dying

167
00:07:54,173 --> 00:07:57,870
is making me think
about my childhood dog, Rascal

168
00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:00,039
Flats Paws.

169
00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:02,206
You had a dog
named Rascal Flats Paws?

170
00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:03,647
It's an Indian name, okay?

171
00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:06,379
We got him from
a Navajo rescue center.

172
00:08:07,086 --> 00:08:09,179
I taught him how to skateboard.
He was really good,

173
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:11,315
until my dad ran him over.

174
00:08:12,024 --> 00:08:14,959
- Bastard did it on purpose.
- Wait, are you screwing with me?

175
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,791
Yeah, Drew. That's what I do.

176
00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:19,798
I make up stories about my dead,
skateboarding Indian dog

177
00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:22,767
and my abusive father
just to mess with you. That...

178
00:08:22,802 --> 00:08:24,167
Yeah.

179
00:08:24,470 --> 00:08:26,199
What, just forget it.

180
00:08:27,206 --> 00:08:28,366
Uh...

181
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:33,210
No, it's fine. I'll stay.

182
00:08:34,747 --> 00:08:36,339
After our examinations yesterday,

183
00:08:36,382 --> 00:08:39,078
we discovered a malignant melanoma
on Cole's chest.

184
00:08:39,118 --> 00:08:42,349
He's been generous enough to let us
use his case as a teaching tool.

185
00:08:42,388 --> 00:08:45,983
- Mmm! Hear that? I'm a tool, yo.
- Pal...

186
00:08:46,058 --> 00:08:48,925
Drew, he's sick. Let's just let it slide.

187
00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:53,832
This slide is a magnified image
of Cole's mole.

188
00:08:53,866 --> 00:08:55,834
How is it different from a benign one?

189
00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:57,426
Well, it's dark with undefined edges.

190
00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,131
You're dark with undefined edges.

191
00:08:59,171 --> 00:09:01,537
- That doesn't even make any sense.
- You don't make sense.

192
00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:03,508
Okay, you know what?
We'll just move on to the questions.

193
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:07,343
Dr. Turk, doesn't melanoma sometimes
spread into the lymph nodes?

194
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:10,247
Well, they caught it early,
so that's an extreme scenario.

195
00:09:10,917 --> 00:09:13,010
You're an extreme scenario.

196
00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:15,714
I'm sorry, Dr. T.
He just keeps setting me up.

197
00:09:16,455 --> 00:09:19,288
Thanks again, Turkleton,
for giving me the lift.

198
00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:22,294
Hitching rides with students
was not working out.

199
00:09:22,328 --> 00:09:27,664
The constant stops at keg parties
and strip clubs, they just weren't into it.

200
00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:31,830
But, hey, nobody hustles Bob Kelso
out of the champagne room.

201
00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:33,964
That is my house.

202
00:09:34,006 --> 00:09:36,873
If I even step into the parking lot
of a strip club, Carla,

203
00:09:36,909 --> 00:09:38,774
she can pick up the scent of glitter

204
00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:41,780
and vanilla body wash
like nobody's business.

205
00:09:41,814 --> 00:09:43,577
I'm telling you,
it's like she's a stripper bloodhound.

206
00:09:43,616 --> 00:09:45,447
Well, I got to get home early anyway.

207
00:09:45,484 --> 00:09:48,351
I want to read the Internet
before they take it down.

208
00:09:48,387 --> 00:09:50,821
I'm not exactly sure
that's how that works, sir.

209
00:09:50,856 --> 00:09:52,289
- Damn.
- What?

210
00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:55,488
I talked through my taco.
I totally forgot to savor it.

211
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:59,624
I'm gonna go get another one.
I'll be back in five minutes, okay?

212
00:09:59,799 --> 00:10:03,496
You know what? 10 minutes.
Line looks kind of long.

213
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,538
I know you think this surgery
is no big deal,

214
00:10:06,572 --> 00:10:08,870
but are you sure
you don't want your parents there?

215
00:10:08,908 --> 00:10:10,102
Yeah, I'm good.

216
00:10:10,142 --> 00:10:12,269
And besides, they're on some bike trip
around Iceland

217
00:10:12,311 --> 00:10:15,542
taking pictures of puffins,
whatever the hell those are.

218
00:10:15,581 --> 00:10:18,106
What about your boys?
I could give them a call for you.

219
00:10:18,150 --> 00:10:20,311
Nah. Topher and Boots
are on house arrest

220
00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:23,413
for getting into a fight with Criss Angel
at a porn convention.

221
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:24,923
Sounded awesome.

222
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:27,983
I could at least make sure
our study group is there.

223
00:10:28,027 --> 00:10:30,120
- Those fools?
- They're your friends.

224
00:10:30,162 --> 00:10:31,891
They want to be there for you.

225
00:10:32,064 --> 00:10:34,259
All right, I guess it's cool if they come.

226
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:37,235
Oh, sweet. Cancer party!

227
00:10:37,269 --> 00:10:41,706
Like, tons of my uncles died of cancer,
so I know exactly how to do this.

228
00:10:41,874 --> 00:10:44,536
But theirs were sad.
This one's gonna be fun.

229
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:47,635
Number One, just exactly
what in the hell happened?

230
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:50,148
You didn't do any of the stuff
that I asked you to.

231
00:10:50,182 --> 00:10:52,980
I'm sorry.
Denise was going through something.

232
00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:54,543
I was in a really emotional place.

233
00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:56,953
Let me see if I've got this straight,
Dr. Mahoney.

234
00:10:56,989 --> 00:10:58,980
You, who think that women in labor

235
00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:01,255
need to cool it
on the emotional theatrics,

236
00:11:01,293 --> 00:11:04,751
suddenly became a needy girlfriend
at the exact same moment

237
00:11:04,797 --> 00:11:06,321
that I required Number One's help?

238
00:11:06,365 --> 00:11:08,333
- What's going on here?
- I'll tell you what's going on here.

239
00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:12,167
This one thinks that just because
you're having emotionless intercourse,

240
00:11:12,204 --> 00:11:15,935
that you are the one med student
who will listen to her over me.

241
00:11:15,975 --> 00:11:17,169
Sweetie, ignore him.

242
00:11:17,209 --> 00:11:19,541
I need you to take a patient
to get an MRI.

243
00:11:19,578 --> 00:11:22,411
And I need you to prepare slides
for the immunology exam.

244
00:11:22,448 --> 00:11:25,315
The one thing I know for sure
is that Drew is not gonna sacrifice

245
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:26,716
his entire medical career

246
00:11:26,752 --> 00:11:29,983
for the steely caress
of your cold robot pincers.

247
00:11:30,456 --> 00:11:31,923
Well, let's let him choose.

248
00:11:31,957 --> 00:11:33,151
Fine. Drew?

249
00:11:38,564 --> 00:11:40,828
Hey, Bob,
I am so sorry to keep you waiting.

250
00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:42,663
I've been dancing
as fast as I can up there,

251
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:45,068
but I just need 15 more minutes
to see another patient

252
00:11:45,104 --> 00:11:47,072
- and we will get out of here.
- Take your time.

253
00:11:47,106 --> 00:11:50,269
It's already been 10 minutes,
what's 15 more?

254
00:11:50,309 --> 00:11:52,038
Why don't you just go inside
and have yourself a seat?

255
00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:55,241
A nice, warm seat
for the old-timer, huh? Gee, thanks.

256
00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:56,578
Will there be an afghan?

257
00:11:56,615 --> 00:11:59,015
I don't want to get a draft
while I'm doing the jumble

258
00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:01,349
and clipping articles
to send to my grandchildren.

259
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,150
I appreciate that you're frustrated.

260
00:12:03,189 --> 00:12:06,056
Not being able to drive,
losing your independence.

261
00:12:06,092 --> 00:12:08,390
It's got to be pretty hard on you.

262
00:12:08,427 --> 00:12:10,224
What the hell you talking about?

263
00:12:10,262 --> 00:12:14,198
Look, Perry, just because we had
a couple of nice conversations

264
00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:16,064
and a few backyard beers last summer,

265
00:12:16,102 --> 00:12:18,832
it doesn't mean
we're Butch and Sundance, all right?

266
00:12:18,871 --> 00:12:22,807
So, just forget all this soulmate stuff
and just go bring the car around.

267
00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:25,902
You know what, Bob?
Find your own way home.

268
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:31,975
Hey. Guys, I wanted to talk to you
about something.

269
00:12:32,017 --> 00:12:33,348
You want us to go to Cole's surgery?

270
00:12:33,385 --> 00:12:34,443
How did you know?

271
00:12:34,487 --> 00:12:35,545
It's written on your hand.

272
00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:40,486
- I've been forgetting things recently.
- You should eat more grains.

273
00:12:40,526 --> 00:12:42,721
You know, I was just thinking
that exact...

274
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:44,756
Oh.

275
00:12:45,531 --> 00:12:47,658
So, can I count on you all to be there?

276
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:50,260
Why? He never supports us.

277
00:12:50,302 --> 00:12:53,100
Yeah, last month I ran a charity 5K.

278
00:12:53,405 --> 00:12:55,396
But when I asked Cole for a donation,

279
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:57,534
he burped in my face
and told me it was for the kids.

280
00:12:57,576 --> 00:12:59,737
But it would mean a lot to him
if you guys were there.

281
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:02,247
Really? Because every time
I ask him how he is,

282
00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:04,476
he shows me his abs and says,
"Ask them."

283
00:13:04,817 --> 00:13:07,342
Look, if you don't want to do it for him,
then do it for me.

284
00:13:07,386 --> 00:13:11,686
And if you don't want to do it for me,
then do it for the cupcakes I'll bring.

285
00:13:11,757 --> 00:13:12,815
Maybe.

286
00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:15,588
I tried to make sure
Cole wouldn't be alone,

287
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:18,222
although, for some,
solitude can be a relief.

288
00:13:18,264 --> 00:13:19,697
Have you seen Drew Suffin?

289
00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:22,701
Med student, but, like, 900 years old?

290
00:13:23,202 --> 00:13:25,397
Hey, you seen a med student,
thinks he's way cooler than he is,

291
00:13:25,437 --> 00:13:27,302
kind of has a serial killer vibe?

292
00:13:28,774 --> 00:13:32,403
But sometimes it can remind you
of a growing frustration.

293
00:13:35,214 --> 00:13:38,650
And even if you think
you're just fine on your own,

294
00:13:40,085 --> 00:13:42,053
you can feel surprisingly abandoned.

295
00:13:42,087 --> 00:13:44,783
I thought you said people were coming.

296
00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,090
Cupcake?

297
00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:56,529
Hey, where did you go?

298
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:59,197
I went to the campus store
and got some things to cheer you up.

299
00:13:59,238 --> 00:14:02,571
Like a Winston University mini-fan

300
00:14:02,608 --> 00:14:05,509
because the surgery
is gonna be a breeze,

301
00:14:06,712 --> 00:14:08,680
a license plate frame

302
00:14:08,714 --> 00:14:12,241
because you are gonna drive away
that cancer,

303
00:14:12,284 --> 00:14:16,243
and a stuffed Ollie the Owlcat

304
00:14:16,322 --> 00:14:19,587
because you are gonna
hoot, hoot, hoot...

305
00:14:19,625 --> 00:14:22,526
Actually, I just really think he's cute.
Can I have him?

306
00:14:22,561 --> 00:14:25,860
- Whatever. Keep it.
- Look, it's not all bad.

307
00:14:25,898 --> 00:14:27,593
I'm here. We have cupcakes.

308
00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:30,534
We can lie in bed
and watch TV all day.

309
00:14:30,569 --> 00:14:34,198
No, the remote's broken
and it's stuck on the History Channel.

310
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:36,401
Okay, I don't care about stuff
that's already happened.

311
00:14:37,109 --> 00:14:38,940
I'm really sorry no one came.

312
00:14:38,978 --> 00:14:41,811
Yeah, I was fine without anyone,
but you had to promise.

313
00:14:41,847 --> 00:14:44,714
You had to do the whole Lucy thing
of "They'll come.

314
00:14:44,750 --> 00:14:47,776
"They'll listen to me.
I think horses should go into space."

315
00:14:47,853 --> 00:14:49,514
I never said that.

316
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:53,013
Why would I want fewer horses
on Earth? That's crazy.

317
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:55,356
What's crazy is thinking
that you could cheer me up.

318
00:14:55,394 --> 00:14:57,794
You know,
that is just the kind of jerky thing

319
00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,923
that makes people
not want to be there for you.

320
00:14:59,965 --> 00:15:03,025
Well, I don't need them
and I don't need you, either.

321
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:06,333
Okay, so take your cupcakes
and your license plate frame,

322
00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:07,862
leave the mini-fan and go.

323
00:15:08,874 --> 00:15:10,205
Whatever you want.

324
00:15:12,144 --> 00:15:14,942
Come on, Lucy! Judge Mathis?

325
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,213
Med student who was supposed
to pick me up never showed up.

326
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:21,083
- I've been out there forever.
- What do you want from me?

327
00:15:22,154 --> 00:15:25,317
Help me out with this paperwork thing
so I can drive again.

328
00:15:25,391 --> 00:15:28,383
It's just some stupid insurance rule.

329
00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:30,361
That's a pretty big favor there, Bob.

330
00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:33,194
And since, according to you,
we're not real friends,

331
00:15:33,232 --> 00:15:34,859
which makes perfect sense,

332
00:15:34,900 --> 00:15:37,664
as your only real friends
are a bottle of discount gin

333
00:15:37,703 --> 00:15:39,068
and the metal handrail in your shower,

334
00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:42,267
I'm gonna go ahead and say no.

335
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:46,976
We got to pass.
What are you doing here?

336
00:15:47,012 --> 00:15:49,776
- I got a text from Drew.
- Yeah, me, too.

337
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,947
What's going on? You texted
me that a patient's coding in here.

338
00:15:55,988 --> 00:15:58,718
You texted me,
"Come and show me your boobs"?

339
00:15:58,757 --> 00:16:01,726
I may have switched those texts.

340
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,627
Which does raise the question,
why did you show up then, Dr. Cox?

341
00:16:08,734 --> 00:16:09,996
Dr. Kelso?

342
00:16:10,069 --> 00:16:12,060
Sorry, son.
I came in to use the bathroom

343
00:16:12,104 --> 00:16:13,230
while you were sleeping.

344
00:16:13,272 --> 00:16:16,435
But I've been watching TV
for the last 45 minutes.

345
00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:20,434
Yeah, I got caught up in this article
about how they make tortillas.

346
00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:22,413
There's a lot of steps.

347
00:16:22,948 --> 00:16:24,609
What're you in for?

348
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:26,345
I got the cancer.

349
00:16:26,452 --> 00:16:27,578
Woof.

350
00:16:27,619 --> 00:16:30,417
I'll tell you what'll make you feel better.

351
00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:33,016
Giving an old man your pudding cup.

352
00:16:36,595 --> 00:16:40,087
Listen, for reasons I don't understand,
probably related

353
00:16:40,132 --> 00:16:42,965
to childhood memories of my father
dressed up like my mother

354
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,596
screaming,
"Am I pretty? Am I pretty? Am I pretty?"

355
00:16:45,637 --> 00:16:48,265
You two are my closest relationships
in this place.

356
00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:53,335
Congratulations. But I cannot handle
being stuck in the middle of you guys.

357
00:16:53,379 --> 00:16:54,573
You have got to work it out.

358
00:16:54,613 --> 00:16:58,049
You brought us here to make us talk?
That's ridiculous.

359
00:16:58,083 --> 00:17:00,278
About as ridiculous
as your five-o'clock shadow.

360
00:17:00,319 --> 00:17:03,811
Honest to God, there are some times
during rounds when I look over at you,

361
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:06,120
and it's like I'm teaching Yasir Arafat.

362
00:17:06,158 --> 00:17:08,820
Really? I see a slightly gayer
George Michael.

363
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,886
- Oh! So see that.
- Mmm.

364
00:17:10,929 --> 00:17:13,295
Could you please be more alike?

365
00:17:16,001 --> 00:17:17,525
You know, we are kind of alike.

366
00:17:17,569 --> 00:17:21,403
Actually, a lot of my best moves
I learned from watching you.

367
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:24,100
Remember when you gave Maya
that two-page list of careers

368
00:17:24,143 --> 00:17:26,270
she'd be more suited for
than medicine?

369
00:17:26,311 --> 00:17:27,437
She cried for the entire weekend.

370
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:32,581
Really? Gosh, you hope you reach
these kids, but you never know.

371
00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:34,449
You just never know.

372
00:17:40,959 --> 00:17:44,554
Sorry your mom couldn't make it.
She's a hell of a woman.

373
00:17:44,963 --> 00:17:47,830
Next time you see her,
tell her that Bob Kelso said,

374
00:17:47,866 --> 00:17:51,131
"I still see sugarplums."
She'll know what it means.

375
00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:54,606
Does it mean that you want her
to make you one of her holiday cakes?

376
00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:58,666
- Yeah, that's what it means.
- Yeah.

377
00:17:59,445 --> 00:18:01,538
So, where are your friends?

378
00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:03,411
They never showed up.

379
00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:06,450
Man, if one of them needed me,
I'd be there.

380
00:18:06,485 --> 00:18:08,646
Okay, like, when Trang asked me
to help him move,

381
00:18:08,687 --> 00:18:10,882
I said no because I didn't want
to slow everyone down

382
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,914
with my hilarious jokes.

383
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:16,053
- Are you scared about this?
- No.

384
00:18:16,662 --> 00:18:17,822
Okay.

385
00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:24,966
Look, I'm totally freaked out.

386
00:18:25,337 --> 00:18:28,568
And I pushed away the one person
who was here for me.

387
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:32,134
Old man, here's your stinking forms.
Enjoy driving again.

388
00:18:32,177 --> 00:18:33,940
Try not to kill anybody.

389
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:36,038
What was that?

390
00:18:36,348 --> 00:18:39,977
He just did me a big favor,

391
00:18:40,018 --> 00:18:42,179
even though
I was a real douche to him.

392
00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:46,917
And I was just scared

393
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:51,157
about getting old
and losing my independence.

394
00:18:51,196 --> 00:18:52,595
It sucks.

395
00:18:53,398 --> 00:18:56,458
Man, I don't want people
to know when I'm scared.

396
00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:59,335
- It's weak.
- Yeah, I used to be like you.

397
00:18:59,371 --> 00:19:01,862
You know, putting up a front,
shutting people out,

398
00:19:01,907 --> 00:19:04,705
acting like
you don't need anybody. Yeah.

399
00:19:04,743 --> 00:19:06,643
Fortunately, though, I got past all that.

400
00:19:06,678 --> 00:19:11,138
Because, you see, the best thing
about letting people know

401
00:19:11,183 --> 00:19:14,277
how you really feel about them is then,

402
00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:17,584
no matter how big a jackass
you've been,

403
00:19:17,623 --> 00:19:20,148
they'll still show up for you
when times are bad.

404
00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:24,858
Hey, I got your message.

405
00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:27,331
- Did you listen to the whole thing?
- Yeah.

406
00:19:27,399 --> 00:19:29,162
Then why are you wearing a bra?

407
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:31,094
I'm not.

408
00:19:33,038 --> 00:19:35,063
Thanks for coming.

409
00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:37,541
I was a jerk and you didn't deserve it.

410
00:19:37,609 --> 00:19:39,577
I know you were scared.

411
00:19:40,045 --> 00:19:42,639
I'll be here when you get out, okay?

412
00:19:44,950 --> 00:19:47,646
Sometimes ego gets in the way
of what's best for you.

413
00:19:47,719 --> 00:19:49,380
Whether it's combining forces...

414
00:19:49,421 --> 00:19:52,879
Now, this guy's never prepared
for class a day in his life.

415
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:54,324
Let's say we start with him?

416
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:57,089
The weird shoes,
the skinny chicken legs...

417
00:19:57,129 --> 00:19:58,824
- What are you guys doing?
- You were right about us.

418
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:00,354
We are so alike.

419
00:20:00,399 --> 00:20:03,425
So, we decided to team up
and make life hell for the med students.

420
00:20:03,468 --> 00:20:04,526
What have I done?

421
00:20:04,570 --> 00:20:06,834
...the opportunity to thank a friend...

422
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:11,070
That's the good stuff. I swiped it
from the bar at the country club.

423
00:20:11,577 --> 00:20:13,044
You're welcome, Bob.

424
00:20:13,078 --> 00:20:15,069
...or the chance to do something nice

425
00:20:15,113 --> 00:20:18,014
for the people in your life
because you actually do care.

426
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:20,211
Hey, I know
we're gonna be studying late,

427
00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:22,378
so I bought you nerds dinner.

428
00:20:22,421 --> 00:20:24,548
Did you rub, graze, touch, dip,

429
00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:26,922
drag or spread your stuff
on any part of this?

430
00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:29,860
Wanted to, decided not to.

431
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:31,055
Cole?

432
00:20:32,431 --> 00:20:35,594
I just wanted to do something nice
for you guys.

433
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:37,861
Hey, Dr. Kelso's driving again.

434
00:20:44,610 --> 00:20:47,010
Yeah, that's about right.

435
00:20:50,515 --> 00:20:53,541
Hey, I wanted to talk to you
about skin cancer.

436
00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:56,418
It's very serious but easily preventable.

437
00:20:56,488 --> 00:20:59,980
Always wear sunscreen,
get a full body check-up annually

438
00:21:00,025 --> 00:21:03,756
and when you go to the beach,
stay covered up, unless you're a hottie,

439
00:21:03,795 --> 00:21:06,559
in which case,
you should take it all off and get weird.

440
00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:08,862
We're trying to make a video
about cancer awareness.

441
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:10,367
Okay, what about hottie awareness?

442
00:21:10,402 --> 00:21:12,233
Have you been to the beach lately?

443
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:15,331
It's all families eating hard-boiled eggs.
Okay, that ain't right.

444
00:21:15,374 --> 00:21:16,636
You know what, just go... Hey, go, go.

445
00:21:16,675 --> 00:21:19,576
Press record. I got this. I'll figure it out.

446
00:21:19,611 --> 00:21:21,909
Hotties, remember this,

447
00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:24,814
you cannot get skin cancer
on your taters.

448
00:21:25,305 --> 00:22:25,588
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.