1
00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:10,199
They just walked out of there!

2
00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:12,239
Yeah, I know,
I was sort of sitting next to you.

3
00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:14,559
The whole Waters family.
They just walked right out of there!

4
00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:18,239
Again, I was in the room.
How do they always manage that?!

5
00:00:18,240 --> 00:00:19,679
They're good.

6
00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,479
They're greedy
and they'll do it again,

7
00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:23,759
and next time we're going to
catch them in the act.

8
00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:24,760
How?

9
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:32,074
Watch Movies, TV Series and Live Sports
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10
00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:35,320
No good?

11
00:00:35,321 --> 00:00:38,399
They always know we're coming.
How do they always know?!

12
00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:40,719
They're good, they work at it.

13
00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:43,280
They're never going to stop.
Well, neither are we.

14
00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:54,720
Argh!

15
00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:05,439
Argh!

16
00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:08,320
Argh! AARGH!

17
00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:13,159
Oh! Greg... In the act!

18
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:17,320
It's the only way we're going to
do this, in the act!

19
00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:48,159
They're still blocking it?

20
00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:50,439
Yeah. Very efficiently hacked.

21
00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:52,999
They must be bloody pleased
with themselves.

22
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,200
They must be.

23
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:02,399
Right then?

24
00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:05,879
Ah, no! No, you've got to make
the arrest. This one's yours, boss.

25
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,039
You've never called me boss before.

26
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:10,439
Oh, well, look what happens
when you're good.

27
00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:13,679
You know how most days
aren't good days?

28
00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:15,921
This is a good day. Not
for the Waters family.

29
00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:18,959
OK, ten men on the roof,
all exits covered.

30
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:21,560
The bank's closed, so we've
no hostages to worry about.

31
00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:23,839
Sorry, no, go on. Go on.

32
00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:26,001
Um, we've got the tunnel
entrance covered...

33
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:27,679
and Davies, Willow and Christie

34
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:29,961
are heading up armed
response on Mafeking Road.

35
00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:32,760
Sorry, I'd better get this.
It's him, isn't it?

36
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,679
I, I, I have to go. What?!

37
00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:42,999
You make the arrest. No way!

38
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,119
Sorry, you'll be fine.
I'm cool with this.

39
00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:48,400
Jones will get all the credit
if you leave now, you know he will.

40
00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:52,520
Yeah, well, yeah, it doesn't matter,
I have to go.

41
00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,519
Back up! I need maximum back up!

42
00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:00,480
Baker Street now!

43
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,199
What's going on?!

44
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,119
This is hard. What?

45
00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:18,480
Really hard.
Hardest thing I've ever had to do.

46
00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:23,960
Do you know any funny stories
about John?

47
00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:27,639
What?!

48
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:30,680
I need anecdotes.
Didn't go to any trouble, did you?

49
00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:01,719
Shut up, Mrs. Hudson.
I haven't said a word.

50
00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:03,759
You're formulating a question,

51
00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:06,239
it's physically painful
watching you think.

52
00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,159
I thought it was you playing.

53
00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:09,320
It was me playing.

54
00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:11,799
I am composing.

55
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:14,199
You were dancing.

56
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:15,679
I was road-testing.

57
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:16,879
You what?

58
00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:18,719
Why are you here?

59
00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:22,559
I'm bringing you your morning tea.
You're not usually awake.

60
00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:23,999
You bring me tea in the morning?

61
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,759
Well, where do you think
it came from?

62
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:28,159
I don't know.
I just thought it sort of happened.

63
00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:29,799
Your mother has a lot to answer for.

64
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:32,359
Hmm, I know. I have a list.

65
00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:34,559
Mycroft has a file.

66
00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,599
So, it's the big day then.

67
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:39,759
What big day?

68
00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:43,319
The wedding! John and Mary
getting married.

69
00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:46,159
Two people who currently live
together are about to attend church,

70
00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:49,039
have a party, go on a short holiday,
then carry on living together.

71
00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,319
What's big about that?
It changes people, marriage.

72
00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:52,919
Hmm, no it doesn't.

73
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:57,199
Well, you wouldn't understand,
cos you always live alone.

74
00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,439
Your husband was executed
for double murder.

75
00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:01,639
You're hardly an advert
for companionship.

76
00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:05,359
Marriage changes you as a person
in ways that you can't imagine.

77
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:06,879
As does lethal injection.

78
00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:10,319
My best friend, Margaret,
she was my chief bridesmaid,

79
00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:13,679
we were going to be best friends
forever, we always said that,

80
00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:15,399
but I hardly saw her after that.

81
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:18,119
Aren't there usually biscuits?
I've run out. Have the shops?

82
00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:21,719
She cried the whole day, saying,
"Ooh, it's the end of an era."

83
00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:23,479
I'm sure the shop
on the corner is open.

84
00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:27,199
She was probably right, really.
I remember she left early.

85
00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:31,399
I mean, who leaves a wedding early?
So sad.

86
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,759
Hmm. Anyway, you've got
things to do.

87
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:36,839
No, not really. I've got plenty of
time to get ready... Biscuits!

88
00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:39,839
Oh! I really am going to
have a word with your mother.

89
00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:42,520
You can if you like,
she understands very little.

90
00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,280
Right then.

91
00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,000
Into battle.

92
00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:15,839
Congratulations!

93
00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:19,719
OK, hold it there, I want to get
this shot of the newlyweds.

94
00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:22,160
Er, just the bride and groom,
please.

95
00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:25,999
Sherlock...
Oh, sorry.

96
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:29,520
OK, three, two, one, cheese.

97
00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:42,639
The famous Mr. Holmes.
I'm very pleased to meet you.

98
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:44,959
But no sex, OK? Sorry?!

99
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:48,239
You don't have to look so scared,
I'm only messing.

100
00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:51,879
Bridesmaid, best man,
it's a bit traditional.

101
00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:54,319
Is it? But not obligatory.

102
00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:56,228
If that's the sort of
thing you're looking for,

103
00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:58,039
the man over there in
blue is your best bet.

104
00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:00,319
Recently divorced doctor
with a ginger cat...

105
00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:03,599
A barn conversion and a history
of erectile dysfunction.

106
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:06,079
Reviewing that information,
possibly not your best bet.

107
00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:07,479
Yeah, maybe not.

108
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,199
Sorry, there was one more deduction
there than I was expecting.

109
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:13,640
Mr. Holmes, you're going
to be incredibly useful.

110
00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:23,839
Hello. Lovely to meet you.

111
00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:25,639
How are you?
Beautiful, Mary.

112
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:27,639
Thank you.
Congratulations.

113
00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:28,679
David!

114
00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:33,439
Ah, ah, Mary. Congratulations,
you look, um, very nice.

115
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:36,719
Thanks. John, congratulations.
You're a lucky man. Thank you.

116
00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:40,319
Um, David, this is Sherlock. Hmm.

117
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:43,280
Um, yeah, we've um... We've met.

118
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:50,720
So, what exactly are my duties
as an usher?

119
00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:54,399
Let's talk about Mary first.

120
00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:55,839
Sorry, what?

121
00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:59,519
Well, I think you know what.
You went out with her for two years.

122
00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:01,879
Er, ages ago. We're...
We're just good friends now.

123
00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:03,119
Is that a fact?

124
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,119
Whenever she tweets, you
respond within five

125
00:10:05,131 --> 00:10:07,319
minutes, regardless of
time or current location,

126
00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:09,272
suggesting you have her on text alert.
In your

127
00:10:09,284 --> 00:10:11,039
Facebook photographs
of the happy couple,

128
00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:14,479
Mary takes centre frame, whereas John
is always partly or entirely excluded.

129
00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:18,319
Well, you can't assume from that I've still
got some kind of interest in Mary...

130
00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:21,839
You volunteered to be a shoulder to cry on
on no less than three separate occasions.

131
00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:24,519
Do you have anything to say
in your defence?

132
00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:27,479
I think from now on, we'll downgrade
you to casual acquaintance.

133
00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:29,919
No more than three planned
social encounters a year

134
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,759
and always in John's presence.

135
00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:34,320
I have your contact details.
I will be monitoring.

136
00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:39,999
They're right about you.
You're a bloody psychopath.

137
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:43,200
High functioning sociopath,
with your number.

138
00:10:53,680 --> 00:10:54,880
Um...

139
00:10:57,560 --> 00:10:59,759
Hello. Darling. Thank you.

140
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,959
You look fabulous. Thank you.

141
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:03,880
Thanks for coming, thank you.

142
00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:08,319
Er, yes, well done in the service,
Archie.

143
00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:12,280
He's really come out of his shell.
I don't know how you did it. Um...

144
00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:19,279
Basically it's a cute smile
to the bride's side,

145
00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:21,639
cute smile to the groom's side
and then the rings. No.

146
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:23,279
And you have to wear the outfit. No.

147
00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:25,279
You really do have to wear
the outfit. What for?

148
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:28,199
Grown-ups like that sort of thing.
Why?

149
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,319
I don't know, I'll ask one.

150
00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:32,719
You're a detective.

151
00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,319
Yep. Have you solved any murders?

152
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,560
Sure, loads. Can I see?

153
00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:40,240
Yeah, all right.

154
00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:49,279
What's all the stuff in his eye?

155
00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:51,999
Maggots. Cool!

156
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:53,279
Hmm.

157
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:56,039
He said you had some
pictures for him, as a treat?

158
00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:58,239
Er, yes, if he's good.

159
00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:00,799
Beheadings. Lovely little village.

160
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:03,160
Hmm? What did you say?

161
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,400
Hold it.

162
00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:12,440
Nice.

163
00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:19,039
I'm starving. Thanks.

164
00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:21,240
I had to lose so much weight to
get into this dress.

165
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:25,199
Hmm, he's nice.

166
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:28,759
Traces of two leading brands of deodorant,
both advertised for their strength,

167
00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:31,959
suggestive of a chronic body odour
problem, manifesting under stress.

168
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,680
OK, done there.
What about his friend?

169
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:40,919
Long-term relationship,
compulsive cheat. Seriously?

170
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:43,159
Waterproof cover on his smart-phone.

171
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:46,199
Yet his complexion
doesn't indicate outdoor work.

172
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:49,359
It suggests he's in the habit of taking
his phone into the shower with him,

173
00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,356
which means he often
receives texts and emails

174
00:12:51,368 --> 00:12:53,119
he'd rather went unseen.
Can I keep you?

175
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,920
Do you like solving crimes?
Do you have a vacancy?

176
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,239
So, Harry? Er, no. No show.

177
00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:00,719
Darling, I'm so sorry.

178
00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:03,679
Yeah, it was a bit of a punt
asking her, I suppose.

179
00:13:03,680 --> 00:13:06,320
Still, free bar,
wouldn't have been a good mix.

180
00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:10,319
Oh. God, wow!

181
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:13,400
Is that...? He came.

182
00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:21,000
So that's him, Major Sholto.
Uh-huh.

183
00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:27,399
If they're such good friends,
why does he barely even mention him?

184
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:30,839
He mentions him all the time to me,
never shuts up about him.

185
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:32,959
About HIM? Mm-hmm.

186
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:35,399
Urgh! I chose this wine,
it's bloody awful!

187
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:38,279
Yes, but it's definitely him
that he talks about? Mm-hmm.

188
00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:41,400
I'm very, very, glad to see you, sir.

189
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,679
I know you don't really
do this sort of thing.

190
00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:47,999
Well, I do for old friends,
Watson.

191
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,759
John.

192
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:51,840
It's good to see you. You too.

193
00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:56,559
Civilian life suiting you, then?

194
00:13:56,560 --> 00:14:00,399
Er, er, yes. Well, I think so, sir.
No more need for the trick cyclist?

195
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:03,080
No, I go now and then.
Sort of a top-up.

196
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:06,840
Therapy can be very helpful.

197
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:12,439
Where are you living these days?

198
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:15,639
Oh, way out in the middle of
nowhere. You wouldn't know it.

199
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:18,079
You look well... I've never even
heard him say his name.

200
00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:21,479
Well, he's almost a recluse,
you know, since... Yes.

201
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:23,319
I didn't think he'd show up at all.

202
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,559
John says he's the most unsociable
man he's ever met.

203
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,599
He is? He's the most unsociable?
Hmm.

204
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:31,119
Ah, that's why he's bouncing around
him like a puppy.

205
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,239
Oh, Sherlock!

206
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:36,639
Neither of us were the first,
you know. Stop smiling.

207
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:38,640
It's my wedding day!

208
00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:43,640
Urgh!

209
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,679
Yes? What, Sherlock?

210
00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:16,799
Why are you out of breath? Filing.

211
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:20,639
Either I've caught you in a compromising
position or you've been working out again.

212
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,639
I favour the latter.
What do you want?

213
00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:25,239
I need your answer, Mycroft,
as a matter of urgency.

214
00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:29,199
Answer? Even at the eleventh hour,
it's not too late, you know.

215
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:30,359
Oh, Lord!

216
00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:33,559
Cars can be ordered,
private jets commandeered.

217
00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:36,519
Today. It's today, isn't it?

218
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:39,759
No, Sherlock, I will not be
coming to the night-do,

219
00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:41,439
as you so poetically put it.

220
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:45,359
What a shame.
Mary and John will be extremely d...

221
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:48,319
Delighted not to have me
hanging around.

222
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:49,759
Oh, I don't know.

223
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:52,879
There should always be
a spectre at the feast.

224
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:56,279
So, this is it, then? The big day.

225
00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:59,279
I suppose I'll be seeing
a lot more of you from now on.

226
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:01,839
What do you mean?
Just like old times.

227
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:05,359
No, I don't understand. 'Well,
it's the end of an era, isn't it?'

228
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:08,399
John and Mary, domestic bliss.

229
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,600
No, no, no. I prefer to think of it
as the beginning of a new chapter.

230
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:17,119
What? Nothing.
I know that silence. What?

231
00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:18,839
Well, I'd better let you
get back to it.

232
00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:21,439
You have a big speech or something,
don't you?

233
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:24,959
What? Cakes, karaoke, mingling.

234
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:28,319
Mycroft! This is what people do,
Sherlock. They get married.

235
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,039
I warned you, don't get involved.

236
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:32,999
Involved? I'm not involved. No...

237
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:36,439
John asked me to be his best man, how could
I say no? Absolutely. I'm not involved.

238
00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:38,599
I believe you. Really, I do.

239
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:42,440
Have a lovely day and do give
the happy couple my best.

240
00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:44,919
I will.

241
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:49,080
Oh, by the way, Sherlock,
do you remember Redbeard?

242
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,599
I'm not a child anymore, Mycroft.

243
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,639
No, of course you're not.

244
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:58,120
Enjoy not getting involved, Sherlock.

245
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,080
Pray silence for the best man.

246
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:34,599
Ladies and gentlemen,
family and friends,

247
00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:39,880
and... um, others.

248
00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:46,160
Er...

249
00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:52,920
A-also...

250
00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:59,999
Greg... Molly.
I've just had a thought.

251
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,079
Is that a brain?

252
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,199
What if John asks Sherlock
to be his best man?

253
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,559
Well, he will, won't he?
He's bound to. Exactly.

254
00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:09,839
So? So, he'll have to make a speech,
in front of people.

255
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:13,480
There'll be actual people there,
actually listening.

256
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:16,799
Well, what's the worst
that could happen?

257
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:19,039
Helen-Louise probably
wondered the same.

258
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:20,600
Helen-Louise?

259
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:28,039
Oh, hello dear.

260
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,479
I was just thinking,
if John does ask Sherlock...

261
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:33,559
What, the speech, dear?
No, it'll be fine.

262
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:36,520
It's not just the speech,
though, is it?

263
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:46,239
Oh, brilliant!

264
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:49,399
Mrs. Hudson? Hello, darling.
Are you all right?

265
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,959
I was coming to see Sherlock
and I thought you were...

266
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:54,439
No... Possibly dying.

267
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:56,479
Oh, sorry.

268
00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:58,919
What's wrong?

269
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,519
The telegrams...!

270
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:03,039
Sorry, what?

271
00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,760
Oh, sorry.

272
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,759
Telegrams...!

273
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:17,839
Right, um... First
things first, telegrams...

274
00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:21,319
Well, they're not actually telegraMs.., we
just call them telegrams... I don't know why.

275
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:23,039
Wedding tradition.

276
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:26,439
Because we don't have enough of that
already, apparently.

277
00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:27,519
"To Mr. and Mrs. Watson,"

278
00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:30,239
"so sorry I am unable to be with
you on your special day."

279
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:33,439
"Good luck and best wishes,
Mike Stanford." Aah. Aw.

280
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:36,159
"To John and Mary, all good
wishes for your special day,"

281
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,359
"with love and many big..."

282
00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:41,520
"Big squishy cuddles
from Stella and Ted."

283
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:46,719
"Mary, lots of love..."

284
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,559
Yeah?

285
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:53,519
"Poppet. Oodles of love
and heaps of good wishes from Cam."

286
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:56,839
"Wish your family
could have seen this."

287
00:19:56,840 --> 00:20:01,519
"Special day..."
"Very special day..."

288
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,039
"Love..." "Love..." "Love..."
"Love..." "Love..."

289
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:07,160
Bit of a theme, you get the general
gist. People are basically fond.

290
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:11,640
John Watson.

291
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,320
My friend, John Watson.

292
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,839
John...

293
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:23,359
When John first broached the subject
of being best man, I was confused.

294
00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:25,959
Sherlock? What was that
noise downstairs?

295
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:27,359
Oh, it was Mrs. Hudson laughing.

296
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,599
Hmm, it sounded like
she was torturing an owl.

297
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,759
Yeah, well, it was laughter.

298
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:32,960
Could have been both.

299
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,319
Busy?

300
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:39,439
Oh, just occupying myself.
Sometimes it's so hard not smoking.

301
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,679
Mind if I interrupt?

302
00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:42,800
Be my guest.

303
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:50,919
Tea? Er... So, er,
the big question.

304
00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:52,200
Mm-hmm?

305
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:55,679
The best man.

306
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:57,039
The best man?

307
00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,319
What do you think?
Billy Kincaid.

308
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:02,399
Sorry, what? Billy Kincaid, the Camden
Garrotter, best man I ever knew.

309
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:04,559
Vast contributions to charity,
never disclosed.

310
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:07,399
Personally managed to save
three hospitals from closure

311
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:10,519
and ran the best and safest
children's homes in north England.

312
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,893
Yes, every now and again there'd
be some garrotings, but

313
00:21:12,905 --> 00:21:15,079
stacking up the lives saved
against the garrotings,

314
00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:17,319
on balance I'd say he...
For my wedding.

315
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:18,919
For me, I need a best man.

316
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:21,279
Oh, right. Maybe not a Garrotter.

317
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,799
Gavin? Who?

318
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:26,839
Gavin Lestrade?
He's a man and good at it.

319
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,839
It's Greg.
And he's not my best friend.

320
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:31,559
Oh, Mike Stanford, I see.

321
00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:34,759
Well, he's nice. Um, though I'm not
sure how well he'd cope with all...

322
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:37,560
No, Mike's great,
but HE'S not my best friend.

323
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:43,359
Look, Sherlock, this is the biggest
and most important day of my life...

324
00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:45,879
Well... No, it is. It is.

325
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:48,199
And I want to be up there
with the two people

326
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:52,400
that I love and care about
most in the world. Yes.

327
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,520
So Mary Morstan... Yes.

328
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:01,240
And...

329
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:06,480
you.

330
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:11,599
I confess at first I didn't realise
he was asking me.

331
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,703
When finally I understood,
I expressed to him

332
00:22:13,715 --> 00:22:15,600
that I was both flattered
and surprised.

333
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,329
I explained to him that
I'd never expected this

334
00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:24,479
request and I was a little
daunted in the face of it.

335
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:25,760
Sherlock...

336
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:31,345
I nonetheless promised
I would do my very

337
00:22:31,357 --> 00:22:33,239
best to accomplish a
task which was, for me,

338
00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:35,679
as demanding and difficult
as any I had ever contemplated.

339
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:39,519
Additionally, I thanked him for the trust
he placed in me and indicated that I was,

340
00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:43,200
in some ways, very close to
being moved by it.

341
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:49,879
No, it's getting a bit scary now.

342
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:52,320
It later transpired that I'd said
none of this out loud.

343
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:00,480
So, in fact...

344
00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:05,920
You, you mean... Yes.

345
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:12,640
I'm your... best...
Man... friend?

346
00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:15,960
Yeah, of course you are.

347
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:20,720
Of course... You're my best friend.

348
00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:32,359
How was that?

349
00:23:32,360 --> 00:23:34,080
Surprisingly OK.

350
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:38,840
So you'll have to make a speech,
of course.

351
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:49,159
Done that. Done that.

352
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:50,999
Done that bit, done that bit.

353
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,680
Done that bit. Hmm.

354
00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:58,159
I'm afraid, John,
I can't congratulate you.

355
00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:00,399
All emotions,
and in particular love,

356
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,759
stand opposed to the pure, cold
reason I hold above all things.

357
00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:06,119
A wedding is,
in my considered opinion,

358
00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:10,759
nothing short of a celebration of all
that is false and specious and irrational

359
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:13,799
and sentimental in this ailing
and morally compromised world.

360
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:17,119
Today we honour the deathwatch beetle
that is the doom of our society,

361
00:24:17,120 --> 00:24:20,000
and in time, one feels certain,
our entire species.

362
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:31,039
But anyway, let's talk about John.
Please.

363
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:33,959
If I burden myself with a little
helpmate during my adventures,

364
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:35,864
this is not out of
sentiment or caprice, it

365
00:24:35,876 --> 00:24:37,879
is that he has many fine
qualities of his own

366
00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:40,599
that he has overlooked
in his obsession with me.

367
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:44,119
Indeed, any reputation I have for mental
acuity and sharpness comes, in truth,

368
00:24:44,120 --> 00:24:47,319
from the extraordinary contrast
John so selflessly provides.

369
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:49,469
It is a fact, I believe,
that brides tend to favour

370
00:24:49,481 --> 00:24:51,599
exceptionally plain bridesmaids
for their big day.

371
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:55,079
There is a certain analogy there,
I feel. And contrast is, after all,

372
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:57,839
God's own plan to enhance
the beauty of his creation.

373
00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:00,279
Or it would be if God were not
a ludicrous fantasy

374
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:03,280
designed to provide a career
opportunity for the family idiot.

375
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:09,359
The point I'm trying to make
is that I am

376
00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:13,319
the most unpleasant, rude,

377
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:16,159
ignorant and all-round
obnoxious arsehole

378
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:19,519
that anyone could possibly have
the misfortune to meet.

379
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:21,999
I am dismissive of the virtuous,

380
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:24,079
unaware of the beautiful

381
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:26,720
and uncomprehending
in the face of the happy.

382
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,399
So if I didn't understand
I was being asked to be best man,

383
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:33,640
it is because I never expected
to be anybody's best friend.

384
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:37,319
And certainly not the best friend

385
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:40,639
of the bravest and kindest
and wisest human being

386
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:43,480
I have ever had the good fortune
of knowing.

387
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:46,880
John, I am a ridiculous man.

388
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:51,239
Redeemed only by the warmth
and constancy of your friendship.

389
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:53,319
But, as I am apparently
your best friend,

390
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:56,400
I cannot congratulate you
on your choice of companion.

391
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:00,480
Actually, now I can.

392
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:05,759
Mary, when I say
you deserve this man,

393
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:09,399
it is the highest compliment
of which I am capable.

394
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:16,079
John, you have endured war
and injury and tragic loss -

395
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:20,959
so sorry again about that last one -
so know this, today you sit between

396
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:25,199
the woman you have made your wife
and the man you have saved.

397
00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:29,319
In short, the two people who love
you most in all this world.

398
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,759
And I know I speak for Mary as well
when I say,

399
00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:35,520
we will never let you down and we
have a lifetime ahead to prove that.

400
00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:42,280
"If I try and hug him, stop me."
Certainly not.

401
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:47,520
Ah, yes. Now onto
some funny stories about John.

402
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:53,279
What's wrong? What happened?
Why are you all doing that? John?

403
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:55,079
Oh, Sherlock!

404
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:58,480
Did I do it wrong?
No, you didn't. Come here.

405
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:02,679
I haven't finished yet.
Yeah, I know, I know.

406
00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:06,080
So onto some funny stories now...
Can you wait till I sit down?

407
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:18,479
So, onto some funny stories
about John.

408
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:22,679
If you could all just cheer up
a bit, that would be better.

409
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:23,839
On we go.

410
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:29,439
So for funny stories, one has to
look no further than John's blog.

411
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:31,319
The record of our time together.

412
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:33,679
Of course, he does
tend to romanticise things a bit,

413
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:35,839
but then, you know, he's a romantic.

414
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:39,159
We've tackled some strange cases.

415
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:41,240
The Hollow Client...

416
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:49,080
The Poison Giant...

417
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:54,800
Get down, John!

418
00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:02,600
We've had some frustrating cases...

419
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:10,119
What is that?

420
00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:12,679
A French decathlete found
completely out of his mind,

421
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:15,719
surrounded by 1,812 matchboxes,

422
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:17,239
all empty except this one.

423
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:18,960
And what's in that one?

424
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,080
Inexplicable.

425
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:28,080
Touching cases...

426
00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:31,360
She's going to ring the doorbell.

427
00:28:33,120 --> 00:28:35,839
Oh, no. She's changed her mind.

428
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:39,679
Oh, she's going to do it.
No, she's leaving.

429
00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:41,799
She's leaving.
Oh, she's coming back.

430
00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:46,039
She's a client, she's boring. I've
seen those symptoms.. before. Hmm?

431
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:49,639
Oscillation on the pavement
always means there's a love affair.

432
00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:52,840
And of course I have to mention
the elephant in the room...

433
00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:59,039
But we want something

434
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:01,880
very particular for this
special day, don't we?

435
00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:05,560
The Bloody Guardsman...

436
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:12,239
Need to work on your half of the
church, Mary, looking a bit thin.

437
00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:15,759
Oh, orphan's lot. Friends,
that's all I have, lots of friends.

438
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:18,439
Schedule the organ music to
begin at precisely 11:48...

439
00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:20,919
But the rehearsal's not for
another two weeks, just calm down.

440
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:22,759
Calm? I am calm. I'm extremely calm.

441
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,039
Let's get back to the reception,
come on.

442
00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:26,839
John's cousin, top table?

443
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:29,559
Hmm, hates you.
Can't even bear to think about you.

444
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:32,559
Seriously? Second class post,
cheap card.

445
00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:35,719
Bought at a petrol station. Look at
the stamp, three attempts at licking,

446
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:37,959
she's obviously unconsciously
retaining saliva.

447
00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:41,360
Ah, let's stick her by the bogs.
Oh, yes.

448
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:43,960
Who else hates me?

449
00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:48,159
Oh, great, thanks.

450
00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:51,239
"Priceless painting nicked."
Looks interesting.

451
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:52,599
Table four... Done.

452
00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:54,119
"My husband is three people."

453
00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:56,719
Table five...
Major James Sholto - who he?

454
00:29:56,720 --> 00:30:00,119
John's old commanding officer. I don't
think he's coming. He'll be there.

455
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:02,399
Well, he needs to RSVP, then.
He'll be there. Oh.

456
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:05,799
"My husband is three people."
It's interesting.

457
00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:08,879
It says he has three distinct
patterns of moles on his skin.

458
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:12,519
Identical triplets, one in half a million
births. Solved it without leaving the flat.

459
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:15,039
Now, serviettes...
Swan or Sydney Opera House?

460
00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:17,679
Where did you learn that? Many
skills are required in the field

461
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:19,765
of criminal investigation...
Fibbing, Sherlock.

462
00:30:19,777 --> 00:30:21,479
I once broke an alibi
by demonstrating

463
00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:23,470
the exact severity of a fold...
I'm not John, I can

464
00:30:23,482 --> 00:30:25,559
tell when you're fibbing.
OK, I learnt it on YouTube.

465
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:28,159
Opera House, please.
Oh, hang on, I'm buzzing.

466
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:29,800
Hello?

467
00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:34,279
Oh, hi, Beth.

468
00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:36,279
Yeah, yeah, I don't see why not.

469
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:39,960
Actually, if that's Beth,
it's probably for me too, hang on.

470
00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:46,256
He knows we don't have
a friend called Beth,

471
00:30:46,268 --> 00:30:48,079
he's going to figure
out that it's code.

472
00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:51,519
He's YouTubing serviettes. He's thorough.
He's terrified. Of course he's not.

473
00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:53,265
When you're scared of
something you start

474
00:30:53,277 --> 00:30:55,159
wishing it sooner, just
to get it all going.

475
00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:57,639
But why would he be scared
that we're getting married?

476
00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:00,239
It's not going to change anything,
we'll still do stuff.

477
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:02,559
You need to prove it to him.
I told you to find him a new case.

478
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:06,560
I'm trying. But you need to run him, OK?
Show him it's still the good old days.

479
00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:18,440
That just sort of happened.

480
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:24,320
Sherlock, um, mate...

481
00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:28,079
I have...

482
00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:31,559
I've smelled 18 different perfumes,

483
00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:37,439
I've sampled nine different slices
of cake, which all tasted identical.

484
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:41,439
I like the bridesmaids in purple...
Lilac. Lilac.

485
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:43,719
Um, there are no more decisions
left to make.

486
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:46,839
I don't even understand the decisions
that we have made.

487
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:48,919
I'm faking opinions,
and it's exhausting.

488
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:54,640
So, please, before she comes back...
pick something.

489
00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:59,359
Anything. Pick one. Pick what?

490
00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:01,999
A case. Your inbox is bursting.

491
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:04,719
Just... get me out of here.

492
00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:06,919
You want to go out on a case? Now?

493
00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:09,840
Please. Sherlock, for me.

494
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:15,359
Don't you worry about a thing,
I'll get you out of this.

495
00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:17,239
Oh.

496
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:20,079
"Dear Mr. Holmes,
my name is Bainbridge."

497
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:22,719
"I'm a Private in Her Majesty's
Household Guard."

498
00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:25,079
"I'm writing to you
about a personal matter..."

499
00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:27,439
"One I don't care to
bring before my superiors,"

500
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:28,800
"it would sound so trivial."

501
00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:31,759
"But I think someone's stalking me."

502
00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:34,439
"I'm used to tourists, it's part
of the job,"

503
00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:36,319
"but this is different."

504
00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:37,720
"Someone's watching me."

505
00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:42,880
"He's taking pictures of me
every day."

506
00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:47,640
"I don't want to mention it to the Major,
but it's really preying on my mind."

507
00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:54,919
Uniform fetishist?
All the nice girls like a soldier.

508
00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:58,919
It's "sailor". And Bainbridge
thinks his stalker is a bloke.

509
00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:01,359
Let's go and investigate. Please.

510
00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:03,559
Elite guard. 40 enlisted
men and officers.

511
00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:05,839
Why this particular Grenadier?
Curious.

512
00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:09,559
Now you're talking. OK.
Bye!

513
00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:12,799
Er, we're just going to...
I need, um, Sherlock to help me

514
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:15,319
choose some er... Ties.
Socks.

515
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:16,719
Why don't we go with socks? Yeah.

516
00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:18,599
I mean, you've got to get
the right ones.

517
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:22,039
Exactly, to go with my...
Tie. Outfit.

518
00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:25,080
That'll take a while, right?
Is my coat in there? Yes.

519
00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:29,839
I'm just going to take him
out for a bit. Run him.

520
00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:32,199
I know. You said
you'd find him a case. Hmm.

521
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:34,000
Coming, Sherlock? Coming!

522
00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:44,120
Taxi!

523
00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:00,520
Company halt!

524
00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:06,720
Right turn!

525
00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:10,519
We're here to see
Private Stephen Bainbridge.

526
00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:11,999
He's on duty right now, sir.

527
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:14,039
But I'll certainly
let him know when he's free.

528
00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:15,359
And when will that be?

529
00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:17,280
Another hour.

530
00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:32,999
Do you think they give them classes?

531
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:34,439
Classes?

532
00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:37,719
How to resist the temptation
to scratch their behinds.

533
00:34:37,720 --> 00:34:41,839
Afferent neurons in
the peripheral nervous system.

534
00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:43,279
Bum-itch.

535
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:44,280
Oh.

536
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:51,279
So why don't you see him any more?

537
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:54,319
Who? Your previous commander, Sholto.

538
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:56,279
Previous commander?

539
00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:57,679
I meant ex.

540
00:34:57,680 --> 00:35:00,079
"Previous" suggests that
I currently have a commander.

541
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:03,479
Which you don't. Which I don't.
Of course you don't.

542
00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:05,599
He was decorated, wasn't he?
A war hero?

543
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:07,000
Not to everyone.

544
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:09,919
He led a team of crows into battle.

545
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:11,119
Crows?

546
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:14,239
New recruits. It's standard
procedure - break the new boys in.

547
00:35:14,240 --> 00:35:15,400
But it went wrong.

548
00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:19,479
They all died,
he was the only survivor.

549
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:21,586
The press and families gave
him hell, he gets more

550
00:35:21,598 --> 00:35:23,839
death threats than you. Oh,
I wouldn't count on that.

551
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:27,679
And why have you suddenly taken
an interest in another human being?

552
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:29,240
I'm "chatting".

553
00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:35,439
I won't be trying THAT again.

554
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:39,559
Changing the subject completely...

555
00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:44,159
you know it won't alter anything,
right, me and Mary getting married?

556
00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:46,079
We'll still be doing all this.

557
00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:48,279
Oh, good. If you were worried.

558
00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:49,600
I wasn't worried.

559
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:52,600
Hmm.

560
00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:56,639
The thing about Mary,

561
00:35:56,640 --> 00:35:59,000
she has completely
turned my life around.

562
00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:02,440
Changed everything.

563
00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:05,279
But, for the record,

564
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:08,519
over the last few years there are
two people who have done that,

565
00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:12,439
and the other one is...

566
00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:14,080
a complete dickhead.

567
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:48,159
Can I ask what this
is in connection with?

568
00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:52,359
Private Bainbridge contacted us
about a personal matter, sir.

569
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:55,239
Nothing's personal
when it concerns my troops.

570
00:37:55,240 --> 00:37:57,279
What do you really want?

571
00:37:57,280 --> 00:38:00,119
I'm here on a legitimate enquiry.

572
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:03,999
Are you press? Digging for some
bloody Royal story or something?

573
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:05,959
No, sir, I'm Captain John Watson,

574
00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:08,279
Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers.

575
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:09,839
Retired.

576
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:12,920
You could be a used-car
salesman now, for all I know.

577
00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:17,159
Bainbridge?

578
00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:18,920
Gentleman here to see you.

579
00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:21,960
Bainbridge!

580
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:32,199
I know you, don't I?

581
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:33,440
Hmm?

582
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:38,559
I've seen you in the papers.

583
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:41,239
You hang around with that detective,

584
00:38:41,240 --> 00:38:42,920
the one with the silly hat.

585
00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:47,119
What the hell does Bainbridge
want with a detective?

586
00:38:47,120 --> 00:38:48,919
I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to say.

587
00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:52,119
You're not at liberty to say?
He's a soldier in my regiment.

588
00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:55,799
I'll be damned if he's going to get up to
cloak-and-dagger nonsense like this. Sir!

589
00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:58,439
Sir! What's going on?
It's Bainbridge, sir.

590
00:38:58,440 --> 00:38:59,480
He's dead.

591
00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:12,279
My God!

592
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:15,239
Ah! No, let me take a look,
sir, I'm a doctor.

593
00:39:15,240 --> 00:39:16,439
What?

594
00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:17,679
Sergeant, arrest this man!

595
00:39:17,680 --> 00:39:19,119
What? No, no! I'm a doctor!

596
00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:21,159
Oh, you're a doctor
now too? Sergeant.

597
00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:22,399
Let me examine him, please!

598
00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:24,359
Sir, caught this one
snooping around.

599
00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:25,839
Is that what this is all about?

600
00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:28,039
Distracting me, so that
this man could get in here

601
00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:29,479
and kill Bainbridge? Don't be...

602
00:39:29,480 --> 00:39:31,599
Kill him with what?
Where's the weapon? What?

603
00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:33,959
Where's the weapon?
Go on, search me - no weapon.

604
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:36,679
Bainbridge was on parade,
he came off duty five minutes ago.

605
00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:38,519
When's this supposed
to have happened?

606
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:41,799
You obviously stabbed him before
he got into the shower. No. No?!

607
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:43,888
He's soaking wet and there's
shampoo in his hair.

608
00:39:43,900 --> 00:39:45,999
He got into the shower,
then someone stabbed him.

609
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:48,759
The cubicle was locked from the
inside, sir. I had to break it open.

610
00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:52,359
You must have climbed over the top. But
then I'd be soaking wet too, wouldn't I?

611
00:39:52,360 --> 00:39:55,319
Major, please! I'm John Watson,
Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers,

612
00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:57,959
three years in Afghanistan,
a veteran of Kandahar, Helmand

613
00:39:57,960 --> 00:39:59,559
and Bart's bloody Hospital!

614
00:39:59,560 --> 00:40:01,400
Let me examine this body!

615
00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:09,959
Thank you.

616
00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:11,799
Suicide?

617
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:13,560
No. The weapon again, no knife.

618
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:20,480
Now, there is a wound
to the abdomen.

619
00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:23,119
Incredibly fine.

620
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:25,599
Man stabbed to death,
no murder weapon.

621
00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:27,320
Door locked from the inside.

622
00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:30,159
Only one way in or out
of here. Sherlock...

623
00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:32,119
Hmm? He's still breathing.

624
00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:33,919
Oh, my God!

625
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:36,039
What do we do?
Give me your scarf. What?

626
00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:38,359
Quickly, now! Call an ambulance!

627
00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:40,359
What? Call an ambulance, now!

628
00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:41,759
Do it!

629
00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:44,279
Nurse, press here, hard.

630
00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:45,679
Nurse? Yeah, I'm making do.

631
00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:47,479
Keep pressure on that wound.

632
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:49,680
Stephen? Stephen, stay with me.

633
00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:53,839
Private Bainbridge had
just come off guard duty.

634
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:56,239
He'd stood there for hours,
plenty of people watching,

635
00:40:56,240 --> 00:40:57,479
nothing apparently wrong.

636
00:40:57,480 --> 00:40:59,879
He came off duty and
within minutes was nearly dead

637
00:40:59,880 --> 00:41:02,039
from a wound in his stomach,

638
00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:03,399
but there was no weapon.

639
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:05,159
Where did it go?

640
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:07,519
Ladies and gentlemen,
I invite you to consider this -

641
00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:09,839
a murderer who can
walk through walls,

642
00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:12,079
a weapon that can vanish.
But in all of this,

643
00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:15,360
there is only one element which can
be said to be truly remarkable.

644
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:19,200
Would anyone like to make a guess?

645
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:24,039
Come on, come on,

646
00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:26,880
there is actually an element
of Q&A to all of this.

647
00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:32,559
Scotland Yard,
have you got a theory?

648
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:36,719
Yeah, you, you're a detective,
broadly speaking. Got a theory?

649
00:41:36,720 --> 00:41:39,559
Er, um, if the, er...
If the... If the...

650
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:42,160
If the blade was
propelled through the, erm...

651
00:41:44,160 --> 00:41:46,599
grating in the air vent,

652
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:50,079
maybe a ballista
or a catapult, um...

653
00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:52,719
Somebody tiny could crawl in there.

654
00:41:52,720 --> 00:41:55,359
So, yeah, we're looking
for a dwarf.

655
00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:56,679
Brilliant.

656
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:57,959
Really? No.

657
00:41:57,960 --> 00:41:59,119
Next?

658
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:00,559
"He stabbed himself."

659
00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:01,959
Hello, who was that?

660
00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:03,600
Tom?

661
00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:07,560
Got a theory?

662
00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:15,199
Attempted suicide, with a blade
made of compacted blood and bone.

663
00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:17,519
Broke after piercing his abdomen,

664
00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:21,359
like a meat... dagger.

665
00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:22,999
A meat dagger?

666
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:24,960
Yes.
"Sit down."

667
00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:27,200
No.

668
00:42:28,280 --> 00:42:31,639
There was one feature,
and only one feature, of interest

669
00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:33,559
in the whole of this baffling case,

670
00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:37,119
and quite frankly it was
the usual - John Watson.

671
00:42:37,120 --> 00:42:40,640
Who, while I was trying to solve
a murder, instead saved a life.

672
00:42:42,280 --> 00:42:44,359
There are mysteries worth solving

673
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:46,000
and stories worth telling.

674
00:42:47,920 --> 00:42:49,319
The best and bravest man I know

675
00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:51,599
and, on top of that,
he actually knows how to do stuff.

676
00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:54,399
Except wedding planning and
serviettes, he's rubbish at those.

677
00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:55,879
Hmm. The case itself remains

678
00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:59,359
the most ingenious and brilliantly
planned murder, or attempted murder,

679
00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:01,759
I've ever had
the pleasure to encounter.

680
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:05,759
The most perfect locked-room
mystery of which I am aware.

681
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:07,679
However, I'm not just here
to praise John,

682
00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:09,799
I'm also here to embarrass him,
so let's move on to...

683
00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:11,119
No, wait... How was it done?

684
00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:12,920
How was what done? The stabbing?

685
00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:16,799
I'm afraid I don't know.

686
00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:18,999
I didn't solve that one.

687
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:22,799
It can happen sometimes,
it's very, very disappointing.

688
00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:25,319
Embarrassment leads me on
to the stag night.

689
00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:27,399
Of course there's
hours of material here,

690
00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:29,840
but I've cut it down
to the really good bits.

691
00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:33,319
Murder scenes?

692
00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:36,079
Locations of murders?

693
00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:37,519
Hmm, pub crawl, themed.

694
00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:40,039
Yeah, but why can't you just
do Underground stations?

695
00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:42,999
It lacks the personal touch. We're
going to go for a drink in every...

696
00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:45,399
In every street where you've
found a corpse. Delightful!

697
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:46,679
Where do I come in?

698
00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:49,399
Don't want to get ill.
That would ruin it, spoil the mood.

699
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:51,879
You're a graduate chemist,
can't you just work it out?

700
00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:53,760
I lack the practical experience.

701
00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:56,999
Meaning you think I like a drink?

702
00:43:57,000 --> 00:43:59,240
Occasionally.
That I'm a drunk. No... No.

703
00:44:03,360 --> 00:44:05,839
You look... well.

704
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:07,519
I am.

705
00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:09,000
How's...

706
00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:13,399
Tom?

707
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:14,519
Not a sociopath.

708
00:44:14,520 --> 00:44:15,599
Still? Good.

709
00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:17,760
And we're having quite a lot of sex.

710
00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:23,959
OK. I want you to calculate
John's ideal intake, and mine,

711
00:44:23,960 --> 00:44:26,119
to remain in the sweet spot
for the whole evening.

712
00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:27,279
Light-headed - good.

713
00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:29,759
Urinating in wardrobes - bad.

714
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:31,039
Hmm.

715
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:33,559
Two, erm... beers, please.

716
00:44:33,560 --> 00:44:34,639
Pints?

717
00:44:34,640 --> 00:44:37,440
443.7 millilitres.

718
00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:41,440
Ah.

719
00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:47,640
What, are we on a schedule?

720
00:44:48,800 --> 00:44:50,320
You'll thank me.

721
00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:08,200
Cheers. Cheers.

722
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:15,639
Over there. What?

723
00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:17,919
Toilets - any second now
you're going to need...

724
00:45:17,920 --> 00:45:20,479
Hang on, tell me after.
I need the loo. Hmm, on schedule.

725
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:22,960
Eh? Nothing. Go!

726
00:45:28,240 --> 00:45:29,919
How long? Sorry?

727
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:31,399
Your visit.

728
00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:34,759
Estimate approximate
volume discharge...

729
00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:36,160
Stop talking now.

730
00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:44,000
Oh, quick, one more. He mustn't see.

731
00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:55,200
Here you go. Cheers.

732
00:45:58,520 --> 00:46:03,480
I know ash! Don't tell me I don't!

733
00:46:06,280 --> 00:46:10,240
All right, enough!
That's... Stand up.

734
00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:15,440
Ash. I know ash.

735
00:46:21,720 --> 00:46:23,880
I have an international reputation.

736
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:28,559
Do you have
an international reputation?

737
00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:31,760
No, I don't have
an international reputation. No.

738
00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:36,480
And I can't even remember what for.

739
00:46:39,720 --> 00:46:44,480
It's crime... something or other.

740
00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:48,879
Oh, what are you doing back?

741
00:46:48,880 --> 00:46:50,679
I thought you were
going to be up late.

742
00:46:50,680 --> 00:46:52,760
Ah, Hudders. What time is it?

743
00:46:54,160 --> 00:46:55,760
You've only been out two hours.

744
00:47:07,240 --> 00:47:08,759
Am I a vegetable?

745
00:47:08,760 --> 00:47:11,400
You or the... thing...? Pffrrrt!

746
00:47:12,920 --> 00:47:14,039
Funny!

747
00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:15,279
Thank you.

748
00:47:15,280 --> 00:47:18,480
Come on. No, you're not
a vegetable. It's your go.

749
00:47:20,160 --> 00:47:23,639
Erm... am I human?

750
00:47:23,640 --> 00:47:24,879
Sometimes.

751
00:47:24,880 --> 00:47:26,239
Can't have sometimes.

752
00:47:26,240 --> 00:47:27,439
It has to be, um...

753
00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:31,039
Yes, you're human.
Yes, I know, OK. And am I a man?

754
00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:32,520
Yep. Tall?

755
00:47:34,160 --> 00:47:35,759
Not as tall as people think.

756
00:47:35,760 --> 00:47:37,439
Hmm. Nice?

757
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:38,919
Ish.

758
00:47:38,920 --> 00:47:39,999
Clever?

759
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:41,039
I would say so.

760
00:47:41,040 --> 00:47:42,319
You would.

761
00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:44,159
Hmm, am I important?

762
00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:45,719
To some people.

763
00:47:45,720 --> 00:47:48,399
Do people like me?

764
00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:50,199
Erm, no they don't.

765
00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:53,239
You tend to rub them up
the wrong way.

766
00:47:53,240 --> 00:47:54,839
OK.

767
00:47:54,840 --> 00:47:56,920
Am I the current King of England?

768
00:47:59,200 --> 00:48:00,959
You know we don't have a King.

769
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:03,119
Don't we? No.

770
00:48:03,120 --> 00:48:05,080
Your go.

771
00:48:11,760 --> 00:48:14,360
I don't mind. Am I a woman?

772
00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:18,440
What?

773
00:48:19,440 --> 00:48:20,679
Yes.

774
00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:23,400
Am I... pretty?

775
00:48:24,760 --> 00:48:26,000
This?

776
00:48:27,760 --> 00:48:30,879
Beauty is a construct based
entirely on childhood impressions,

777
00:48:30,880 --> 00:48:32,639
influences and role models.

778
00:48:32,640 --> 00:48:35,120
Yeah, but am I a pretty lady?

779
00:48:37,640 --> 00:48:41,199
I don't know who you are, I don't
know who you're supposed to be.

780
00:48:41,200 --> 00:48:42,399
You picked the name!

781
00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:44,439
But I picked it at random
from the papers.

782
00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:47,839
You're not really getting the hang
of this game, are you, Sherlock?

783
00:48:47,840 --> 00:48:52,279
So I am human, I'm not as tall
as people think I am. I'm...

784
00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:54,399
I'm nice-ish, clever,

785
00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:55,999
important to some people.

786
00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:58,840
But I tend to rub them up
the wrong way.

787
00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:01,839
Got it.

788
00:49:01,840 --> 00:49:03,559
Go on, then. I'm you, aren't I?

789
00:49:03,560 --> 00:49:04,560
Client!

790
00:49:06,520 --> 00:49:07,839
Hello.

791
00:49:07,840 --> 00:49:10,039
Hello. Come on.

792
00:49:10,040 --> 00:49:12,040
Which one of you is Sherlock Holmes?

793
00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:19,199
I don't... a lot.

794
00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:22,199
I mean, I don't date all that much.

795
00:49:22,200 --> 00:49:27,159
And he seemed nice, you know?

796
00:49:27,160 --> 00:49:30,039
We seemed to automatically connect.

797
00:49:30,040 --> 00:49:31,479
We had one night,

798
00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:35,199
dinner, such interesting
conversation.

799
00:49:35,200 --> 00:49:37,439
It was lovely.

800
00:49:37,440 --> 00:49:38,959
To be honest,

801
00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:41,719
I'd love to have gone further,

802
00:49:41,720 --> 00:49:45,919
but I thought, no, this is special,

803
00:49:45,920 --> 00:49:47,679
let's take it slowly.

804
00:49:47,680 --> 00:49:49,239
Exchanged numbers,

805
00:49:49,240 --> 00:49:51,760
he said he'd get in touch
and then...

806
00:49:55,040 --> 00:50:00,679
Maybe he wasn't quite
as keen as I was,

807
00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:04,199
but I just thought

808
00:50:04,200 --> 00:50:07,480
at least he'd call
to say that we were finished.

809
00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:16,559
I went round there,

810
00:50:16,560 --> 00:50:19,879
to his flat, no trace of him.

811
00:50:19,880 --> 00:50:24,319
Mr. Holmes, I honestly think

812
00:50:24,320 --> 00:50:28,440
I had dinner with a ghost.

813
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:34,120
Mr. Holmes?

814
00:50:39,320 --> 00:50:41,239
With a ghost, Mr. Holmes!

815
00:50:41,240 --> 00:50:45,720
Boring, boring, boring.
No... fascinating.

816
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:48,639
John. John! Wake up.

817
00:50:48,640 --> 00:50:52,239
I apologise about my...
You know... Him.

818
00:50:52,240 --> 00:50:53,600
Rude. Rude!

819
00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:57,399
I checked with the landlord

820
00:50:57,400 --> 00:51:00,599
and the man who lived there died.

821
00:51:00,600 --> 00:51:02,479
Heart attack.

822
00:51:02,480 --> 00:51:06,439
And there we are
having dinner one week on.

823
00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:09,879
And I found this thing online,

824
00:51:09,880 --> 00:51:12,359
a sort of chatroom thing,

825
00:51:12,360 --> 00:51:16,599
for girls who think they're dating
men from the spirit world.

826
00:51:16,600 --> 00:51:20,039
Don't worry, I'll find him
in ten minutes.

827
00:51:20,040 --> 00:51:21,319
What's your dog's name?

828
00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:23,959
Yeah, I'm there if you want it...
John, wake up.

829
00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:26,479
Went to... Yeah.

830
00:51:26,480 --> 00:51:28,160
The game is... something.

831
00:51:29,160 --> 00:51:30,239
On?

832
00:51:30,240 --> 00:51:31,879
Yeah, that, that.

833
00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:33,040
OK.

834
00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:44,519
Oh, it's nice.

835
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:46,240
Nice place.

836
00:51:51,320 --> 00:51:53,439
See anything? Hmm?

837
00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:55,159
Any clues, Mr. Holmes?

838
00:51:55,160 --> 00:51:57,200
Oh, errrm...

839
00:52:18,320 --> 00:52:20,160
I'm just going to whip this out.

840
00:52:37,120 --> 00:52:39,879
You all right?
Hmm? Yeah, he's clueing. What?

841
00:52:39,880 --> 00:52:41,800
He's... Hmm? He's clueing for looks.

842
00:52:53,040 --> 00:52:54,880
Mr. Holmes?

843
00:52:59,920 --> 00:53:02,519
Mr. Holmes! I'm calling
the police. Oh, no...

844
00:53:02,520 --> 00:53:04,239
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

845
00:53:04,240 --> 00:53:06,479
No, look, this is
a famous detective,

846
00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:09,279
it's Sherlock Holmes and
his partner, John Hamish Watson.

847
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:10,679
What do you think you're doing?

848
00:53:10,680 --> 00:53:15,400
Don't compromise the
integrity of the...

849
00:53:20,640 --> 00:53:21,880
Crime scene.

850
00:53:28,080 --> 00:53:29,720
Yeah, that.

851
00:53:49,720 --> 00:53:51,000
Wakey-wakey!

852
00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:52,719
Oh, my God.

853
00:53:52,720 --> 00:53:54,599
Greg... Is that Greg?

854
00:53:54,600 --> 00:53:56,999
Get up. I'm going to
put you two in a taxi.

855
00:53:57,000 --> 00:53:59,679
I managed to square things
with the desk sergeant.

856
00:53:59,680 --> 00:54:02,199
Ha! What a couple of lightweights -

857
00:54:02,200 --> 00:54:04,239
you couldn't even make it
to closing time!

858
00:54:04,240 --> 00:54:05,760
- Can you whisper?
- Not really!

859
00:54:09,640 --> 00:54:11,480
Come on.

860
00:54:23,200 --> 00:54:26,559
Well, thanks for a...

861
00:54:26,560 --> 00:54:28,919
You know... an evening.

862
00:54:28,920 --> 00:54:29,920
It was awful.

863
00:54:29,921 --> 00:54:32,999
Yeah. I was going to pretend, but...

864
00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:34,639
it was, truly.

865
00:54:34,640 --> 00:54:37,279
That woman, Tessa... What?

866
00:54:37,280 --> 00:54:39,759
Dated a ghost, most interesting
case for months.

867
00:54:39,760 --> 00:54:41,320
What a wasted opportunity!

868
00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:44,360
OK.

869
00:54:50,360 --> 00:54:51,759
How are you feeling?

870
00:54:51,760 --> 00:54:53,120
Hmm.

871
00:54:54,520 --> 00:54:56,599
It's just like old times,
having you back here.

872
00:54:56,600 --> 00:55:00,879
I thought I'd make your
favourite, one last time.

873
00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:03,799
Oh. Don't sound so final about it,

874
00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:06,719
I will be visiting, you know.
Ooh, I've heard that one before!

875
00:55:06,720 --> 00:55:08,759
No, it's different now,
though, isn't it?

876
00:55:08,760 --> 00:55:10,879
It's different to when
we thought we'd lost him.

877
00:55:10,880 --> 00:55:13,079
Well, marriage
changes everything, John.

878
00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:17,079
Does it? Yeah. You might not
think it, but it does.

879
00:55:17,080 --> 00:55:19,159
It's a different phase in your life.

880
00:55:19,160 --> 00:55:22,079
You meet knew people,
cos you're a couple,

881
00:55:22,080 --> 00:55:26,039
and then you just let
your old friends slip away.

882
00:55:26,040 --> 00:55:29,239
It won't be like that.
Well, if you've found the right one,

883
00:55:29,240 --> 00:55:32,319
the person that you click with,
it's the best thing in the world.

884
00:55:32,320 --> 00:55:35,359
Well, I have. I know I have.
Oh, I'm sure.

885
00:55:35,360 --> 00:55:36,559
She's lovely.

886
00:55:36,560 --> 00:55:38,879
Yeah, I think so. What about you?

887
00:55:38,880 --> 00:55:40,159
Me?

888
00:55:40,160 --> 00:55:43,439
Did you think you'd found the right
one when you married Mr. Hudson?

889
00:55:43,440 --> 00:55:46,519
No. It was just
a whirlwind thing for us.

890
00:55:46,520 --> 00:55:49,799
I knew it wouldn't work, but I just
got sort of swept along. Right.

891
00:55:49,800 --> 00:55:51,999
And then we moved to Florida.

892
00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:53,439
We had a fantastic time,

893
00:55:53,440 --> 00:55:56,679
but of course I didn't know
what he was up to. "The drugs."

894
00:55:56,680 --> 00:55:59,039
Drugs?! He was running, erm...

895
00:55:59,040 --> 00:56:00,999
Oh, what do you call it?

896
00:56:01,000 --> 00:56:05,039
Erm... A... cartel.

897
00:56:05,040 --> 00:56:07,039
And got in with a really bad crowd.

898
00:56:07,040 --> 00:56:10,319
Right. And then I found out
about all the other women.

899
00:56:10,320 --> 00:56:12,119
I didn't have a clue.

900
00:56:12,120 --> 00:56:16,519
So, when he was actually arrested
for blowing someone's head off,

901
00:56:16,520 --> 00:56:20,000
it was quite a relief, to be honest.

902
00:56:21,440 --> 00:56:22,599
Oh.

903
00:56:22,600 --> 00:56:25,719
It was purely physical
between me and Frank.

904
00:56:25,720 --> 00:56:28,079
We couldn't keep
our hands off each other.

905
00:56:28,080 --> 00:56:30,639
I know, there was one night...

906
00:56:30,640 --> 00:56:32,080
Oh, is that Sherlock?

907
00:56:32,720 --> 00:56:33,919
Is it?

908
00:56:33,920 --> 00:56:35,160
That's Sherlock.

909
00:56:40,200 --> 00:56:41,840
Urgh...

910
00:56:55,640 --> 00:56:57,439
There are going to be others.

911
00:56:57,440 --> 00:57:00,479
Others? Victims, women.

912
00:57:00,480 --> 00:57:02,599
Most ghosts tend to
haunt a single house.

913
00:57:02,600 --> 00:57:05,160
This ghost, however,
is willing to commute. Look.

914
00:57:26,680 --> 00:57:30,079
Hmm... Not you. Not you.

915
00:57:30,080 --> 00:57:32,279
Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you.

916
00:57:32,280 --> 00:57:34,399
Not you. Not you.

917
00:57:34,400 --> 00:57:36,239
Not you.

918
00:57:36,240 --> 00:57:37,799
Not you. Not you.

919
00:57:37,800 --> 00:57:40,919
Hmm... Not you.

920
00:57:40,920 --> 00:57:44,319
Not you. Not you. Not you.
Not you. Not you. Not you.

921
00:57:44,320 --> 00:57:46,719
Not you. Not you.
Not you. Not you. Not you.

922
00:57:46,720 --> 00:57:47,879
Not you, you, you, or you, or you.

923
00:57:47,880 --> 00:57:52,159
Or not you, not you, not you,
not you, not you, not you.

924
00:57:52,160 --> 00:57:54,920
Not you.

925
00:58:01,520 --> 00:58:03,359
Hi.

926
00:58:03,360 --> 00:58:04,880
Gail.

927
00:58:10,200 --> 00:58:11,720
Charlotte.

928
00:58:13,200 --> 00:58:15,440
Robyn.

929
00:58:17,960 --> 00:58:19,480
Vicky.

930
00:58:27,160 --> 00:58:29,239
How did you meet?

931
00:58:29,240 --> 00:58:31,479
Came up to me in a pub.
Same gym as me.

932
00:58:31,480 --> 00:58:33,519
We just got chatting on the bus.

933
00:58:33,520 --> 00:58:34,599
Online.

934
00:58:34,600 --> 00:58:36,599
Name? Told you.

935
00:58:36,600 --> 00:58:38,399
His name. Oscar.

936
00:58:38,400 --> 00:58:40,279
Mike. Terry.

937
00:58:40,280 --> 00:58:42,839
Erm... Love Monkey.

938
00:58:42,840 --> 00:58:44,599
Your place?

939
00:58:44,600 --> 00:58:45,880
His place.

940
00:58:47,080 --> 00:58:48,320
Address?

941
00:58:52,520 --> 00:58:53,719
Nothing happened.

942
00:58:53,720 --> 00:58:56,799
It was just... very romantic.

943
00:58:56,800 --> 00:58:59,519
Four women in four nights.
He must have something special.

944
00:58:59,520 --> 00:59:01,199
He was very charming. He listened.

945
00:59:01,200 --> 00:59:02,359
He was sweet.

946
00:59:02,360 --> 00:59:05,719
He had a lovely... You OK?

947
00:59:05,720 --> 00:59:09,239
You've let your food go cold.
Mrs. Hudson will play hell.

948
00:59:09,240 --> 00:59:10,520
Not now, John.

949
00:59:14,000 --> 00:59:15,999
Sorry about that.

950
00:59:16,000 --> 00:59:17,599
He had a lovely manner.

951
00:59:17,600 --> 00:59:20,639
Different names,
different addresses.

952
00:59:20,640 --> 00:59:21,999
Describe him.

953
00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:23,079
Short blonde hair.

954
00:59:23,080 --> 00:59:24,479
Dark hair. Long.

955
00:59:24,480 --> 00:59:26,119
Ginger. I like gingers.

956
00:59:26,120 --> 00:59:27,319
Couldn't tell.

957
00:59:27,320 --> 00:59:29,200
He had a mask on.

958
00:59:31,200 --> 00:59:33,279
He's stealing
the identity of corpses,

959
00:59:33,280 --> 00:59:36,559
getting their names
from the obituary columns.

960
00:59:36,560 --> 00:59:37,879
All single men.

961
00:59:37,880 --> 00:59:39,319
He's using the dead man's flat

962
00:59:39,320 --> 00:59:41,959
under the assumption
it will be empty for a while.

963
00:59:41,960 --> 00:59:43,319
Free love nest.

964
00:59:43,320 --> 00:59:44,320
I feel sick.

965
00:59:44,320 --> 00:59:45,320
It's gruesome.

966
00:59:45,321 --> 00:59:48,080
That's awful. Clever... Bastard!

967
00:59:52,320 --> 00:59:54,599
Hello, Tessa.

968
00:59:54,600 --> 00:59:56,079
Meanwhile, back to business.

969
00:59:56,080 --> 00:59:57,840
No-one wants to use
a dead man's home.

970
00:59:59,240 --> 01:00:01,279
At least not until
it's been cleared.

971
01:00:01,280 --> 01:00:04,439
So, he disguises himself.

972
01:00:04,440 --> 01:00:07,359
Steals the man's home,
steals his identity.

973
01:00:07,360 --> 01:00:09,999
But only for one night.
Then he's gone.

974
01:00:10,000 --> 01:00:12,159
He's not a ghost, John.
He's a Mayfly.

975
01:00:12,160 --> 01:00:13,520
He lives for a day.

976
01:00:14,720 --> 01:00:18,639
So, what was it
he was looking for?

977
01:00:18,640 --> 01:00:19,679
Job?

978
01:00:19,680 --> 01:00:21,159
Gardener. Cook.

979
01:00:21,160 --> 01:00:22,759
Private nurse. I do security work.

980
01:00:22,760 --> 01:00:23,960
Maid.

981
01:00:25,240 --> 01:00:27,120
Obvious. You all work
for the same person.

982
01:00:41,600 --> 01:00:44,039
No, no, not the same employer. Damn!

983
01:00:44,040 --> 01:00:45,439
Come on, we can do this.

984
01:00:45,440 --> 01:00:46,559
Ideal night out?

985
01:00:46,560 --> 01:00:47,879
Clay-pigeon shooting.

986
01:00:47,880 --> 01:00:48,999
Line dancing.

987
01:00:49,000 --> 01:00:50,079
Pictures.

988
01:00:50,080 --> 01:00:51,879
Wine in front of the telly.

989
01:00:51,880 --> 01:00:53,600
Dungeon.

990
01:00:54,680 --> 01:00:56,519
Make-up? Clarins.

991
01:00:56,520 --> 01:00:57,919
No7.

992
01:00:57,920 --> 01:00:59,959
Maybelline. Nothing special.

993
01:00:59,960 --> 01:01:00,920
Whatever's cheap.

994
01:01:00,921 --> 01:01:02,599
Perfume?

995
01:01:02,600 --> 01:01:04,679
Chanel. Chanel. Chanel.

996
01:01:04,680 --> 01:01:07,120
Chanel. Estee Lauder.

997
01:01:08,320 --> 01:01:09,759
Ideal man?

998
01:01:09,760 --> 01:01:11,039
George Clooney.

999
01:01:11,040 --> 01:01:12,559
Oh...! Home-loving.

1000
01:01:12,560 --> 01:01:14,519
He'd have to like cuddling.

1001
01:01:14,520 --> 01:01:17,079
Caring. Ten things.

1002
01:01:17,080 --> 01:01:19,279
One - someone who isn't
competitive with other men.

1003
01:01:19,280 --> 01:01:21,399
Two - someone who isn't constantly

1004
01:01:21,400 --> 01:01:24,879
trying to define himself
by his masculinity...

1005
01:01:24,880 --> 01:01:28,719
There's a unifying
factor, there has to be.

1006
01:01:28,720 --> 01:01:30,600
None of you reported
anything stolen.

1007
01:01:32,880 --> 01:01:36,679
Security guard, gardener, cook,
maid, private nurse.

1008
01:01:36,680 --> 01:01:38,559
He's romancing his way
up a pecking order.

1009
01:01:38,560 --> 01:01:41,520
Somebody's pecking order.
Come on, think. Unless...

1010
01:01:42,640 --> 01:01:44,639
Do you have a secret
you've never told anyone?

1011
01:01:44,640 --> 01:01:46,159
No.

1012
01:01:46,160 --> 01:01:48,039
Gotcha! What do you mean?

1013
01:01:48,040 --> 01:01:50,519
Everyone has secrets and
they all replied too quickly.

1014
01:01:50,520 --> 01:01:53,319
Got to go. See you. No... Wait!
Bye-bye. Wait!

1015
01:01:53,320 --> 01:01:56,039
Sorry, sexy, some secrets
have to stay secret.

1016
01:01:56,040 --> 01:01:57,840
Enjoy the wedding.

1017
01:02:00,240 --> 01:02:03,679
Why? WHY would he date all of those
women and not return their calls?

1018
01:02:03,680 --> 01:02:06,199
You're missing
the obvious, mate. Am I?

1019
01:02:06,200 --> 01:02:07,639
He's a man.

1020
01:02:07,640 --> 01:02:09,719
But why would he
change his identity?

1021
01:02:09,720 --> 01:02:11,120
Maybe he's married.

1022
01:02:13,080 --> 01:02:16,039
Oh... Married.

1023
01:02:16,040 --> 01:02:17,159
Obvious, really.

1024
01:02:17,160 --> 01:02:18,879
Our Mayfly Man
was trying to escape

1025
01:02:18,880 --> 01:02:20,599
the suffocating
chains of domesticity

1026
01:02:20,600 --> 01:02:22,839
and instead of endless nights in
watching the telly

1027
01:02:22,840 --> 01:02:26,519
or going to barbecues with the awful,
dreadful, boring people he couldn't stand,

1028
01:02:26,520 --> 01:02:29,920
he used his wits, cleverness and powers
of disguise to play the field. He was...

1029
01:02:32,640 --> 01:02:34,279
On second thoughts,

1030
01:02:34,280 --> 01:02:37,279
I probably should have told you
about the elephant in the room.

1031
01:02:37,280 --> 01:02:39,919
However, it does help
to further illustrate

1032
01:02:39,920 --> 01:02:41,799
how invaluable John is to me.

1033
01:02:41,800 --> 01:02:45,479
I can read a crime scene the way
he can understand a human being.

1034
01:02:45,480 --> 01:02:48,439
I used to think that's what made me
special - quite frankly I still do.

1035
01:02:48,440 --> 01:02:49,639
But a word to the wise,

1036
01:02:49,640 --> 01:02:52,479
should any of you require
the services of either of us,

1037
01:02:52,480 --> 01:02:54,319
I will solve your murder,

1038
01:02:54,320 --> 01:02:57,199
but it takes John Watson
to save your life.

1039
01:02:57,200 --> 01:02:58,799
Trust me on that, I should know,

1040
01:02:58,800 --> 01:03:01,040
he's saved mine so many times
and in so many ways.

1041
01:03:03,480 --> 01:03:07,119
This blog is the story of two men

1042
01:03:07,120 --> 01:03:10,599
and their, frankly,
ridiculous adventures

1043
01:03:10,600 --> 01:03:13,480
of murder, mystery and mayhem.

1044
01:03:15,320 --> 01:03:18,280
But from now on,
there's a new story.

1045
01:03:19,760 --> 01:03:21,680
A bigger adventure.

1046
01:03:23,280 --> 01:03:24,599
Ladies and gentlemen,

1047
01:03:24,600 --> 01:03:29,199
pray, charge your glasses
and be upstanding.

1048
01:03:29,200 --> 01:03:31,239
Today begin the adventures

1049
01:03:31,240 --> 01:03:33,119
of Mary Elizabeth Watson

1050
01:03:33,120 --> 01:03:34,959
and John Hamish Watson.

1051
01:03:34,960 --> 01:03:39,080
The two reasons why
every single one of us is...

1052
01:03:56,800 --> 01:03:57,959
What did you say?

1053
01:03:57,960 --> 01:04:04,639
You said... "John
Hamish Watson."

1054
01:04:04,640 --> 01:04:07,080
You said that. You said "Hamish."

1055
01:04:08,480 --> 01:04:10,599
This is a famous detective,
it's Sherlock Holmes

1056
01:04:10,600 --> 01:04:12,399
and his partner, John Hamish Watson.

1057
01:04:12,400 --> 01:04:14,319
How did you know?

1058
01:04:14,320 --> 01:04:16,519
How did YOU know his middle name?

1059
01:04:16,520 --> 01:04:18,640
He never tells anyone, he hates it.

1060
01:04:22,600 --> 01:04:24,519
John "H." Watson?

1061
01:04:24,520 --> 01:04:25,960
Yep.

1062
01:04:33,000 --> 01:04:35,279
Henry? Shut up.

1063
01:04:35,280 --> 01:04:36,519
Humphrey?

1064
01:04:36,520 --> 01:04:38,239
Shut up.

1065
01:04:38,240 --> 01:04:39,240
Higgins?

1066
01:04:41,080 --> 01:04:43,159
'Go away!'

1067
01:04:43,160 --> 01:04:45,839
It took him years to confide in me.

1068
01:04:45,840 --> 01:04:49,959
Oh... That's my
birth certificate.

1069
01:04:49,960 --> 01:04:51,200
Yep.

1070
01:04:55,600 --> 01:04:57,840
And the woman - she knew.

1071
01:05:00,040 --> 01:05:01,760
Hamish.

1072
01:05:03,120 --> 01:05:04,799
John Hamish Watson,

1073
01:05:04,800 --> 01:05:07,839
just if you were
looking for baby names.

1074
01:05:07,840 --> 01:05:09,680
God knows where she is.

1075
01:05:14,480 --> 01:05:16,400
Out of my head, I am busy!

1076
01:05:17,920 --> 01:05:20,279
There's only one time
that name's been made public.

1077
01:05:20,280 --> 01:05:22,199
Does it have to be on the invitation?

1078
01:05:22,200 --> 01:05:24,199
It's your name.

1079
01:05:24,200 --> 01:05:25,960
It's traditional... It's funny...

1080
01:05:29,040 --> 01:05:30,520
'Enjoy the wedding...'

1081
01:05:35,200 --> 01:05:36,639
Enjoy the wedding.

1082
01:05:36,640 --> 01:05:38,759
The wedding.
You knew about the wedding.

1083
01:05:38,760 --> 01:05:41,279
More importantly, you'd seen
a wedding invitation.

1084
01:05:41,280 --> 01:05:43,519
Now barely 100 people
had seen that invitation.

1085
01:05:43,520 --> 01:05:45,639
The Mayfly Man only saw five women.

1086
01:05:45,640 --> 01:05:47,799
For one person
to be in both groups...

1087
01:05:47,800 --> 01:05:49,399
could be a coincidence.

1088
01:05:49,400 --> 01:05:51,519
Oh, Sherlock!

1089
01:05:51,520 --> 01:05:53,719
What do we say about coincidences?

1090
01:05:53,720 --> 01:05:55,159
The universe is rarely so lazy.

1091
01:05:55,160 --> 01:05:58,199
So, the balance of probability is?
Someone went to great lengths

1092
01:05:58,200 --> 01:06:00,522
to find out something about this wedding.
What great

1093
01:06:00,534 --> 01:06:02,559
lengths? They lied.
Assumed false identities.

1094
01:06:02,560 --> 01:06:04,519
Which suggests? Criminal intent.

1095
01:06:04,520 --> 01:06:05,759
Also suggests?

1096
01:06:05,760 --> 01:06:07,159
Intelligence, planning.

1097
01:06:07,160 --> 01:06:09,600
Clearly. But more importantly?

1098
01:06:11,120 --> 01:06:12,480
The Mayfly Man.

1099
01:06:13,640 --> 01:06:17,079
The Mayfly Man is... Here today!

1100
01:06:17,080 --> 01:06:19,880
Ooh, sorry. I...

1101
01:06:21,360 --> 01:06:22,519
Another glass, sir?

1102
01:06:22,520 --> 01:06:24,319
Thank you, yes, thank you. Yes.

1103
01:06:24,320 --> 01:06:26,600
Something's going to happen,
right here.

1104
01:06:29,920 --> 01:06:31,039
Now, where were we?

1105
01:06:31,040 --> 01:06:32,040
Could be any second.

1106
01:06:35,800 --> 01:06:37,159
You have control of the room.

1107
01:06:37,160 --> 01:06:38,719
Ah, yes.

1108
01:06:38,720 --> 01:06:41,839
Raising glasses and standing up.
Very good. Thank you.

1109
01:06:41,840 --> 01:06:43,279
Don't lose it.

1110
01:06:43,280 --> 01:06:45,560
And down again.

1111
01:06:53,520 --> 01:06:54,679
Ladies and gentlemen,

1112
01:06:54,680 --> 01:06:56,999
people tell you not
to milk a good speech.

1113
01:06:57,000 --> 01:06:59,400
Get off early, leave 'em laughing.

1114
01:07:00,920 --> 01:07:03,639
Wise advice I'll certainly
try to bear in mind.

1115
01:07:03,640 --> 01:07:06,519
But for now... part two!

1116
01:07:06,520 --> 01:07:09,039
Part two is more action-based.

1117
01:07:09,040 --> 01:07:12,759
I'm going to walk around,
shake things up a bit.

1118
01:07:12,760 --> 01:07:15,559
Who'd go to a wedding?
That's the question.

1119
01:07:15,560 --> 01:07:18,199
Who would bother
to go to any lengths

1120
01:07:18,200 --> 01:07:20,240
to get themselves to a wedding?

1121
01:07:21,840 --> 01:07:23,119
Well, everyone.

1122
01:07:23,120 --> 01:07:25,679
Weddings are great, love a wedding.
What's he doing?

1123
01:07:25,680 --> 01:07:27,439
Something's wrong.

1124
01:07:27,440 --> 01:07:28,959
And John's great too.

1125
01:07:28,960 --> 01:07:31,599
Haven't said that enough,
barely scratched the surface.

1126
01:07:31,600 --> 01:07:32,959
I could go on all night

1127
01:07:32,960 --> 01:07:37,279
about the depth and complexity
of his jumpers,

1128
01:07:37,280 --> 01:07:39,599
and he can cook.

1129
01:07:39,600 --> 01:07:43,160
Does... erm... a thing.
A thing with peas...

1130
01:07:44,400 --> 01:07:46,639
Once. Might not be peas,
might not be him.

1131
01:07:46,640 --> 01:07:49,639
But he's got a great singing voice,
or somebody does.

1132
01:07:49,640 --> 01:07:51,920
Too many, too many,
too many, too many!

1133
01:07:53,280 --> 01:07:56,039
Sorry, too many jokes about John.

1134
01:07:56,040 --> 01:07:59,039
Now... Criminal intent.

1135
01:07:59,040 --> 01:08:00,719
Where was I? Ah, yes.

1136
01:08:00,720 --> 01:08:02,559
Extraordinary lengths.

1137
01:08:02,560 --> 01:08:04,279
Speech. Speech.

1138
01:08:04,280 --> 01:08:05,999
Let's talk about...

1139
01:08:06,000 --> 01:08:08,480
All of which is suggestive of...

1140
01:08:09,720 --> 01:08:12,559
Murder! Sorry, did I say murder?

1141
01:08:12,560 --> 01:08:13,839
I meant to say marriage.

1142
01:08:13,840 --> 01:08:16,439
But, you know,
they're quite similar procedures,

1143
01:08:16,440 --> 01:08:17,679
when you think about it.

1144
01:08:17,680 --> 01:08:19,519
The participants tend
to know each other

1145
01:08:19,520 --> 01:08:21,279
and it's over
when one of them's dead.

1146
01:08:21,280 --> 01:08:24,759
In fairness, murder is a lot quicker
though. Janine, what about this one?

1147
01:08:24,760 --> 01:08:26,495
Acceptably hot? More
importantly, his

1148
01:08:26,507 --> 01:08:28,759
girlfriend's wearing new
uncomfortable underwear

1149
01:08:28,760 --> 01:08:30,745
and hasn't bothered to
pick this thread off his

1150
01:08:30,757 --> 01:08:32,919
jacket, or point out the
grease smudge on his neck.

1151
01:08:32,920 --> 01:08:35,559
He's going home alone.
Also he's a comics and sci-fi geek,

1152
01:08:35,560 --> 01:08:38,519
they're always tremendously
grateful, really put the hours in.

1153
01:08:38,520 --> 01:08:40,159
Jeff, the gents.

1154
01:08:40,160 --> 01:08:41,439
Loos now, please.

1155
01:08:41,440 --> 01:08:44,399
Greg. The loos, please. Why?

1156
01:08:44,400 --> 01:08:46,640
Oh, I don't know,
maybe it's your TURN.

1157
01:08:47,720 --> 01:08:49,639
Yeah, actually,
now you mention it.

1158
01:08:49,640 --> 01:08:52,439
Sherlock, any chance of a...
An end date for this speech?

1159
01:08:52,440 --> 01:08:53,519
Got to cut the cake.

1160
01:08:53,520 --> 01:08:55,559
Oh, ladies and gentlemen,

1161
01:08:55,560 --> 01:08:58,319
can't stand it when I finally
get the chance to speak for once.

1162
01:08:58,320 --> 01:08:59,639
Vatican cameos.

1163
01:08:59,640 --> 01:09:01,559
What did he say?
What does that mean?

1164
01:09:01,560 --> 01:09:03,519
Battle stations,
someone's going to die.

1165
01:09:03,520 --> 01:09:04,800
What?!

1166
01:09:05,880 --> 01:09:08,560
Narrow it down. Narrow it down.

1167
01:09:09,840 --> 01:09:11,639
Narrow it down!

1168
01:09:11,640 --> 01:09:13,399
Argh! No, no!

1169
01:09:13,400 --> 01:09:15,840
Not you!

1170
01:09:17,240 --> 01:09:20,439
You. It's always you.

1171
01:09:20,440 --> 01:09:23,200
John Watson, you keep me right.

1172
01:09:24,840 --> 01:09:26,119
What do I do?

1173
01:09:26,120 --> 01:09:27,759
You've already done it.

1174
01:09:27,760 --> 01:09:29,879
Don't solve the murder.

1175
01:09:29,880 --> 01:09:31,079
Save the life.

1176
01:09:31,080 --> 01:09:33,559
Sorry, off piste a bit.

1177
01:09:33,560 --> 01:09:34,879
Back now. Phew!

1178
01:09:34,880 --> 01:09:37,800
Let's play a game.
Let's play murder.

1179
01:09:39,200 --> 01:09:40,319
Sherlock!

1180
01:09:40,320 --> 01:09:43,199
Imagine someone's going to
get murdered at a wedding.

1181
01:09:43,200 --> 01:09:44,559
Who exactly would you pick?

1182
01:09:44,560 --> 01:09:47,559
I think you're a popular choice
at the moment, dear.

1183
01:09:47,560 --> 01:09:50,559
If someone could move Mrs. Hudson's
glass just slightly out of reach,

1184
01:09:50,560 --> 01:09:51,560
that would be lovely.

1185
01:09:51,561 --> 01:09:55,840
More importantly, who could you
only kill at a wedding?

1186
01:09:57,200 --> 01:09:58,919
Most people you can kill
any old place.

1187
01:09:58,920 --> 01:09:59,999
As a mental exercise,

1188
01:10:00,000 --> 01:10:02,399
I've often planned the murder
of friends and colleagues.

1189
01:10:02,400 --> 01:10:03,519
Now, John, I'd poison.

1190
01:10:03,520 --> 01:10:06,599
Sloppy eater, dead easy. I've given
him chemicals and compounds,

1191
01:10:06,600 --> 01:10:08,079
that way he's never even noticed.

1192
01:10:08,080 --> 01:10:10,319
He missed a whole Wednesday once,
didn't have a clue.

1193
01:10:10,320 --> 01:10:13,879
Lestrade's so easy to kill it's a miracle
no-one's succumbed to the temptation.

1194
01:10:13,880 --> 01:10:15,745
I've got keys to my
brother's house, I could

1195
01:10:15,757 --> 01:10:17,759
break in and asphyxiate
him, if the whim arose.

1196
01:10:17,760 --> 01:10:19,559
He's pissed, isn't he? Ow!

1197
01:10:19,560 --> 01:10:21,119
So, once again,

1198
01:10:21,120 --> 01:10:23,679
who could you only kill here?

1199
01:10:23,680 --> 01:10:25,239
Clearly it's a rare opportunity,

1200
01:10:25,240 --> 01:10:27,199
so it's someone
who doesn't get out much.

1201
01:10:27,200 --> 01:10:29,119
Someone for whom
a planned social encounter

1202
01:10:29,120 --> 01:10:31,359
known about months in advance
is an exception.

1203
01:10:31,360 --> 01:10:33,000
Has to be a unique opportunity.

1204
01:10:34,400 --> 01:10:36,679
And since killing someone
in public is difficult,

1205
01:10:36,680 --> 01:10:38,839
killing them in private
isn't an option.

1206
01:10:38,840 --> 01:10:42,239
Someone who lives in an inaccessible
or unknown location, then.

1207
01:10:42,240 --> 01:10:43,959
Someone private perhaps,

1208
01:10:43,960 --> 01:10:46,000
obsessed with personal security.

1209
01:10:47,440 --> 01:10:49,320
Possibly someone under threat.

1210
01:10:53,960 --> 01:10:56,479
Major James Sholto, who he?
I don't think he's coming.

1211
01:10:56,480 --> 01:10:57,480
He'll be there.

1212
01:10:57,481 --> 01:10:59,359
Where are you living these days?

1213
01:10:59,360 --> 01:11:01,439
Oh, way out in
the middle of nowhere.

1214
01:11:01,440 --> 01:11:03,039
The press and families
gave him hell.

1215
01:11:03,040 --> 01:11:04,880
He gets more death threats than you.

1216
01:11:06,280 --> 01:11:08,319
A recluse?

1217
01:11:08,320 --> 01:11:10,359
Small household staff.

1218
01:11:10,360 --> 01:11:12,439
Job? Gardener. Cook.
Private nurse. Maid.

1219
01:11:12,440 --> 01:11:14,439
High turnover
for additional security.

1220
01:11:14,440 --> 01:11:17,479
I do security work. Probably all
signed confidentiality agreements.

1221
01:11:17,480 --> 01:11:19,298
Do you have a secret
you've never told anyone?

1222
01:11:19,310 --> 01:11:19,920
No.

1223
01:11:19,921 --> 01:11:22,519
There is another question that
remains. Rather a big one,

1224
01:11:22,520 --> 01:11:25,199
a huge one - how would you do it?
How do you kill someone in public?

1225
01:11:25,200 --> 01:11:26,999
There has to be a way.
This has been planned.

1226
01:11:27,000 --> 01:11:29,039
Mr. Holmes! Hello, Archie,
what's your theory?

1227
01:11:29,040 --> 01:11:31,479
Get this right and there's
a headless nun in it for you.

1228
01:11:31,480 --> 01:11:34,199
The invisible man could do it.
The who, what, why, when, where?

1229
01:11:34,200 --> 01:11:38,640
The invisible man with the invisible knife.
The one who tried to kill the Guardsman.

1230
01:11:54,680 --> 01:11:55,839
Bainbridge?

1231
01:11:55,840 --> 01:11:57,560
Bainbridge!

1232
01:12:05,080 --> 01:12:08,599
"Oh, not just planned -
planned and rehearsed."

1233
01:12:08,600 --> 01:12:12,359
Ladies and gentlemen,
there will now be a short interlude.

1234
01:12:12,360 --> 01:12:14,440
The bride and groom...

1235
01:12:17,160 --> 01:12:19,119
The bride and groom.

1236
01:12:19,120 --> 01:12:20,947
Major Sholto's going to
be murdered, I don't

1237
01:12:20,959 --> 01:12:22,879
know how or by whom, but
it's going to happen.

1238
01:12:22,880 --> 01:12:25,439
Excuse me, coming through.
Consulting.

1239
01:12:25,440 --> 01:12:29,959
Stay here. Please be careful.
Excuse me. Coming through.

1240
01:12:29,960 --> 01:12:32,439
Excuse me.

1241
01:12:32,440 --> 01:12:34,639
I'm sorry, one more.
Oops. I'm so sorry.

1242
01:12:34,640 --> 01:12:35,640
Thank you.

1243
01:13:01,120 --> 01:13:04,159
How can you not remember which room?
You remember everything.

1244
01:13:04,160 --> 01:13:06,560
I have to delete something! 207.

1245
01:13:13,600 --> 01:13:16,520
Major Sholto? Major Sholto!

1246
01:13:18,320 --> 01:13:21,919
Major Sholto! If someone's about
to make an attempt on my life,

1247
01:13:21,920 --> 01:13:24,359
it won't be the first time.
I'm ready.

1248
01:13:24,360 --> 01:13:26,359
Major, let us in.
Kick the door down.

1249
01:13:26,360 --> 01:13:27,559
I really wouldn't.

1250
01:13:27,560 --> 01:13:32,119
I have a gun in my hand and
a lifetime of unfortunate reflexes.

1251
01:13:32,120 --> 01:13:33,730
You're not safe in there.
Whoever's after

1252
01:13:33,742 --> 01:13:35,479
you, we know a locked
room doesn't stop him.

1253
01:13:35,480 --> 01:13:37,439
The invisible man
with the invisible knife.

1254
01:13:37,440 --> 01:13:39,428
I don't know how he does it.
I can't stop him and

1255
01:13:39,440 --> 01:13:41,279
that means he'll do it again!
Solve it, then!

1256
01:13:41,280 --> 01:13:43,119
I'm sorry?

1257
01:13:43,120 --> 01:13:46,239
You're the famous Mr. Holmes,
solve the case, on you go.

1258
01:13:46,240 --> 01:13:48,879
Tell me how he did it
and I'll open the door.

1259
01:13:48,880 --> 01:13:51,159
Please, this is no time for games,

1260
01:13:51,160 --> 01:13:52,639
just let us in, you're in danger!

1261
01:13:52,640 --> 01:13:54,199
So are you,
so long as you're here.

1262
01:13:54,200 --> 01:13:57,119
Please, leave me.

1263
01:13:57,120 --> 01:14:00,639
Despite my reputation, I really
don't approve of collateral damage.

1264
01:14:00,640 --> 01:14:03,839
Solve it. Sorry? Solve it and
he'll open the door, like he said.

1265
01:14:03,840 --> 01:14:07,079
I couldn't solve it before, how can I
solve it now? Because it matters now.

1266
01:14:07,080 --> 01:14:10,119
What are you talking about? Get your
wife under control! She's right.

1267
01:14:10,120 --> 01:14:11,999
Oh, you've changed!
No, she is. Shut up!

1268
01:14:12,000 --> 01:14:14,279
You are not a puzzle-solver,
you never have been.

1269
01:14:14,280 --> 01:14:15,399
You're a drama queen!

1270
01:14:15,400 --> 01:14:19,160
Now, there's a man in there about
to die, the game is on - solve it!

1271
01:14:34,920 --> 01:14:36,000
Bainbridge?

1272
01:14:38,720 --> 01:14:40,200
Bainbridge!

1273
01:14:43,320 --> 01:14:45,679
Though in fairness,
he's a drama queen too. I know.

1274
01:14:45,680 --> 01:14:47,759
Major Sholto, no-one's
coming to kill you.

1275
01:14:47,760 --> 01:14:50,559
I'm afraid you've already
been killed several hours ago.

1276
01:14:50,560 --> 01:14:51,719
What did you say?

1277
01:14:51,720 --> 01:14:53,279
Don't take off your belt.

1278
01:14:53,280 --> 01:14:54,799
My belt?

1279
01:14:54,800 --> 01:14:55,919
His belt, yes.

1280
01:14:55,920 --> 01:14:58,319
Bainbridge was stabbed
hours before we even saw him,

1281
01:14:58,320 --> 01:14:59,879
but it was through his belt.

1282
01:14:59,880 --> 01:15:01,719
Tight belt, worn high on the waist.

1283
01:15:01,720 --> 01:15:03,719
Very easy to push a small blade
through the fabric

1284
01:15:03,720 --> 01:15:04,959
and you wouldn't even feel it.

1285
01:15:04,960 --> 01:15:07,839
The belt would bind the flesh
together when it was tied tight.

1286
01:15:07,840 --> 01:15:10,439
Exactly. But when you took it off...
Delayed-action stabbing.

1287
01:15:10,440 --> 01:15:13,319
All the time in the world
to create an alibi. Major Sholto?

1288
01:15:13,320 --> 01:15:14,600
So...

1289
01:15:17,400 --> 01:15:20,679
I was to be killed by my uniform.

1290
01:15:20,680 --> 01:15:23,000
How appropriate.

1291
01:15:25,080 --> 01:15:26,559
He solved the case, Major,

1292
01:15:26,560 --> 01:15:29,559
you're supposed to open
the door now. A deal is a deal.

1293
01:15:29,560 --> 01:15:31,599
I'm not even supposed to
have this any more,

1294
01:15:31,600 --> 01:15:33,719
they gave me special
dispensation to keep it.

1295
01:15:33,720 --> 01:15:36,039
I couldn't imagine life
out of this uniform.

1296
01:15:36,040 --> 01:15:39,080
I suppose, given the circumstances,
I don't have to.

1297
01:15:42,080 --> 01:15:43,439
When so many want you dead,

1298
01:15:43,440 --> 01:15:45,400
it hardly seems.
Good manners to argue.

1299
01:15:50,040 --> 01:15:53,839
Whatever you're doing in there,
James, stop it, right now!

1300
01:15:53,840 --> 01:15:55,559
I will kick this door down!

1301
01:15:55,560 --> 01:15:58,479
Mr. Holmes, you and
I are similar, I think.

1302
01:15:58,480 --> 01:16:01,279
Yes, I think we are. There's
a proper time to die, isn't there?

1303
01:16:01,280 --> 01:16:02,599
Of course there is.

1304
01:16:02,600 --> 01:16:06,319
And one should embrace it
when it comes.

1305
01:16:06,320 --> 01:16:07,359
Like a soldier.

1306
01:16:07,360 --> 01:16:10,160
Of course one should,
but not at John's wedding!

1307
01:16:12,320 --> 01:16:16,359
We wouldn't do that,
would we, you and me?

1308
01:16:16,360 --> 01:16:19,120
We would never do that
to John Watson.

1309
01:16:24,240 --> 01:16:25,599
I'm going to break it down.

1310
01:16:25,600 --> 01:16:27,640
Wait, wait, wait, you won't have to.

1311
01:16:33,920 --> 01:16:36,559
I believe I am in need
of medical attention.

1312
01:16:36,560 --> 01:16:39,360
I believe I'm your doctor.

1313
01:16:54,960 --> 01:16:57,199
Pretty good.

1314
01:16:57,200 --> 01:16:59,279
Just hold your nerve
on your turning.

1315
01:16:59,280 --> 01:17:00,959
Why do we have to rehearse?

1316
01:17:00,960 --> 01:17:03,199
Because we are about to
dance together in public

1317
01:17:03,200 --> 01:17:04,720
and your skills are appalling.

1318
01:17:06,320 --> 01:17:08,319
Wow, you're a good teacher. Hmm.

1319
01:17:08,320 --> 01:17:10,159
And you're a brilliant dancer.

1320
01:17:10,160 --> 01:17:12,039
Can I let you in
on something, Janine?

1321
01:17:12,040 --> 01:17:13,519
Go on, then.

1322
01:17:13,520 --> 01:17:15,599
I love dancing,
I've always loved it.

1323
01:17:15,600 --> 01:17:16,679
Seriously?

1324
01:17:16,680 --> 01:17:17,680
Watch out.

1325
01:17:21,680 --> 01:17:24,199
Oh!

1326
01:17:24,200 --> 01:17:26,559
Never really comes up
in crime work, but, you know,

1327
01:17:26,560 --> 01:17:29,439
I live in hope of the right case.
Oh, I wish you weren't...

1328
01:17:29,440 --> 01:17:32,599
whatever it is you are.

1329
01:17:32,600 --> 01:17:35,439
I know. Well, glad to see
you've pulled, Sherlock,

1330
01:17:35,440 --> 01:17:38,279
what with murderers
running riot at my wedding.

1331
01:17:38,280 --> 01:17:39,959
One murderer... One nearly murderer.

1332
01:17:39,960 --> 01:17:42,359
Loves to exaggerate -
you should try living with him.

1333
01:17:42,360 --> 01:17:43,879
Sherlock.

1334
01:17:43,880 --> 01:17:45,639
Got him for you.

1335
01:17:45,640 --> 01:17:48,759
Ah, the photographer,
excellent. Thank you.

1336
01:17:48,760 --> 01:17:51,119
May I have a look at your camera?

1337
01:17:51,120 --> 01:17:54,119
Erm, what's this about?
I was halfway home.

1338
01:17:54,120 --> 01:17:56,200
You should have driven faster.

1339
01:17:57,400 --> 01:17:58,959
Ah, yes. Yes!

1340
01:17:58,960 --> 01:18:00,719
Very good.

1341
01:18:00,720 --> 01:18:03,319
Now you see... Perfect.

1342
01:18:03,320 --> 01:18:05,719
What is? Are you going to tell us?

1343
01:18:05,720 --> 01:18:07,280
Try looking yourself.

1344
01:18:08,960 --> 01:18:12,239
Look for what?
Is the murderer in these photographs?

1345
01:18:12,240 --> 01:18:14,039
It's not what's
in the photographs,

1346
01:18:14,040 --> 01:18:16,119
it's what's not in them.
Not in any of them.

1347
01:18:16,120 --> 01:18:17,399
Sherlock?

1348
01:18:17,400 --> 01:18:19,760
The showing-off thing,
we've discussed it before...

1349
01:18:21,440 --> 01:18:24,999
There is always a man at a wedding
who is not in any photograph,

1350
01:18:25,000 --> 01:18:26,799
who can go anywhere.

1351
01:18:26,800 --> 01:18:29,599
And even carry an equipment bag
around with him if he likes.

1352
01:18:29,600 --> 01:18:31,559
And you never even see his face.

1353
01:18:31,560 --> 01:18:33,160
You only ever see...

1354
01:18:41,960 --> 01:18:43,239
The camera.

1355
01:18:43,240 --> 01:18:44,759
What are you doing? What is this?

1356
01:18:44,760 --> 01:18:47,399
Jonathan Small, today's
substitute wedding photographer,

1357
01:18:47,400 --> 01:18:49,279
known to us as the Mayfly Man.

1358
01:18:49,280 --> 01:18:53,999
His brother was one of the raw
recruits killed in that incursion.

1359
01:18:54,000 --> 01:18:56,079
Johnny sought revenge on Sholto,

1360
01:18:56,080 --> 01:18:58,399
worked his way through
Sholto's staff,

1361
01:18:58,400 --> 01:18:59,599
found what he needed.

1362
01:18:59,600 --> 01:19:01,799
An invitation to a wedding.

1363
01:19:01,800 --> 01:19:05,319
The one time Sholto would
have to be out in public.

1364
01:19:05,320 --> 01:19:09,119
So he made his plan
and rehearsed the murder,

1365
01:19:09,120 --> 01:19:12,640
making sure of every last detail.

1366
01:19:24,840 --> 01:19:26,399
Brilliant, ruthless,

1367
01:19:26,400 --> 01:19:28,319
and almost certainly a monomaniac.

1368
01:19:28,320 --> 01:19:31,319
Though, in fairness, his photographs
are actually quite good.

1369
01:19:31,320 --> 01:19:32,919
Everything you need is on that.

1370
01:19:32,920 --> 01:19:35,959
You probably ought to
arrest him or something.

1371
01:19:35,960 --> 01:19:38,079
Do you always carry handcuffs?

1372
01:19:38,080 --> 01:19:40,119
Down, girl. Come on, quick.

1373
01:19:40,120 --> 01:19:42,599
It's not me you should
be arresting, Mr. Holmes.

1374
01:19:42,600 --> 01:19:45,159
Oh, I don't do the arresting,
I just farm that out.

1375
01:19:45,160 --> 01:19:47,359
Sholto, he's the killer, not me.

1376
01:19:47,360 --> 01:19:49,600
I should have killed him quicker.

1377
01:19:52,200 --> 01:19:54,120
I shouldn't have tried to be clever.

1378
01:19:55,480 --> 01:19:57,280
You should have driven faster.

1379
01:20:06,600 --> 01:20:07,920
Right.

1380
01:21:26,520 --> 01:21:28,519
Ladies and gentlemen,
just one last thing

1381
01:21:28,520 --> 01:21:30,559
before the evening begins properly.

1382
01:21:30,560 --> 01:21:34,319
Apologies for earlier,
a crisis arose and was dealt with.

1383
01:21:34,320 --> 01:21:36,319
More importantly, however,

1384
01:21:36,320 --> 01:21:38,199
today we saw two people make vows.

1385
01:21:38,200 --> 01:21:39,639
I've never made a vow in my life

1386
01:21:39,640 --> 01:21:41,399
and after tonight
I never will again.

1387
01:21:41,400 --> 01:21:43,599
So, here in front of you all,

1388
01:21:43,600 --> 01:21:45,320
my first and last vow.

1389
01:21:46,520 --> 01:21:50,319
Mary and John,
whatever it takes,

1390
01:21:50,320 --> 01:21:53,679
whatever happens, from now on,

1391
01:21:53,680 --> 01:21:56,199
I swear I will always be there.

1392
01:21:56,200 --> 01:21:57,559
Always.

1393
01:21:57,560 --> 01:21:58,959
For all three of you.

1394
01:21:58,960 --> 01:22:01,439
Erm... Sorry, I mean...
I mean two of you.

1395
01:22:01,440 --> 01:22:03,959
All two of you. Both of you,
in fact. I just miscounted.

1396
01:22:03,960 --> 01:22:05,839
Anyway, it's time for dancing.

1397
01:22:05,840 --> 01:22:07,679
Play the music again,
please. Thank you.

1398
01:22:07,680 --> 01:22:09,719
OK, everybody, just dance,
don't be shy.

1399
01:22:09,720 --> 01:22:11,799
Dancing, please. Very good.

1400
01:22:11,800 --> 01:22:14,559
Sorry, that was one more deduction
than I was really expecting.

1401
01:22:14,560 --> 01:22:16,279
Deduction? Increased appetite...

1402
01:22:16,280 --> 01:22:18,239
I'm starving.
Change of taste perception.

1403
01:22:18,240 --> 01:22:20,399
Oh, I chose this wine,
but it's bloody awful!

1404
01:22:20,400 --> 01:22:21,679
You were sick this morning.

1405
01:22:21,680 --> 01:22:23,359
You assumed it was
just wedding nerves.

1406
01:22:23,360 --> 01:22:25,519
You got angry with me
when I mentioned it to you.

1407
01:22:25,520 --> 01:22:28,719
All the signs are there. The signs?

1408
01:22:28,720 --> 01:22:30,679
The signs of three.

1409
01:22:30,680 --> 01:22:32,559
What?

1410
01:22:32,560 --> 01:22:34,480
Mary, I think you should
do a pregnancy test.

1411
01:22:35,560 --> 01:22:38,679
Well, the statistics for
the first trimester are...

1412
01:22:38,680 --> 01:22:39,720
Shut up!

1413
01:22:41,200 --> 01:22:42,479
Just shut up.

1414
01:22:42,480 --> 01:22:43,679
Sorry.

1415
01:22:43,680 --> 01:22:45,839
How did he notice before me?

1416
01:22:45,840 --> 01:22:48,319
I'm a bloody doctor. It's your
day off. It's YOUR day off!

1417
01:22:48,320 --> 01:22:49,439
Stop. Stop panicking.

1418
01:22:49,440 --> 01:22:52,239
I'm not panicking. I'm pregnant,
I'm panicking! Don't panic.

1419
01:22:52,240 --> 01:22:53,879
None of you panic.

1420
01:22:53,880 --> 01:22:55,639
Absolutely no reason to panic.

1421
01:22:55,640 --> 01:22:57,586
Oh, and you'd know, of course!
Yes, I would.

1422
01:22:57,598 --> 01:22:59,599
You're already the best
parents in the world,

1423
01:22:59,600 --> 01:23:02,119
look at all the practice
you've had. What practice?

1424
01:23:02,120 --> 01:23:06,040
Well, you're hardly going to need me around
now that you've got a real baby on the way.

1425
01:23:13,680 --> 01:23:15,720
Are you all right? Yeah!

1426
01:23:22,440 --> 01:23:25,599
Dance. Hmm?
Both of you now, go, dance.

1427
01:23:25,600 --> 01:23:28,879
We can't just stand here, people will
wonder what we're talking about. Right.

1428
01:23:28,880 --> 01:23:30,119
Well, what about you?

1429
01:23:30,120 --> 01:23:33,559
Yeah, we can't all three dance, there
are limits. Yes, there are. Ahem.

1430
01:23:33,560 --> 01:23:35,439
Come on, husband, let's go.

1431
01:23:35,440 --> 01:23:37,479
This isn't a waltz, is it? No.

1432
01:23:37,480 --> 01:23:39,199
Don't worry,
I have been tutoring him.

1433
01:23:39,200 --> 01:23:41,180
He did, you know. Baker
Street, behind closed

1434
01:23:41,192 --> 01:23:42,879
curtains. Mrs. Hudson
came in one time.

1435
01:23:42,880 --> 01:23:45,040
I don't know how those
rumours started!

1436
01:23:46,305 --> 01:24:46,443
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