1 00:00:04,231 --> 00:00:07,443 - Are you ready, kids? - Aye-aye, Captain. 2 00:00:07,485 --> 00:00:10,989 - I can't hear you. - Aye-aye, Captain! 3 00:00:11,030 --> 00:00:13,908 * Oh… * 4 00:00:13,950 --> 00:00:15,994 * Who lives in a pineapple Under the sea? * 5 00:00:16,035 --> 00:00:18,037 * SpongeBob SquarePants * 6 00:00:18,079 --> 00:00:20,081 * Absorbent and yellow And porous is he * 7 00:00:20,123 --> 00:00:21,916 * SpongeBob SquarePants * 8 00:00:21,958 --> 00:00:24,043 * If nautical nonsense Be something you wish * 9 00:00:24,085 --> 00:00:25,586 * SpongeBob SquarePants * 10 00:00:25,628 --> 00:00:28,006 * Then drop on the deck And flop like a fish * 11 00:00:28,047 --> 00:00:29,966 - d SpongeBob SquarePants d - Ready? 12 00:00:30,008 --> 00:00:34,012 * SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants * 13 00:00:34,053 --> 00:00:39,350 * SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants * 14 00:00:57,284 --> 00:01:03,166 97, 98, 99, 100! 15 00:01:03,207 --> 00:01:05,250 OK, Gary, let's do the other side now. 16 00:01:06,836 --> 00:01:09,088 Gary, can you hear that? 17 00:01:21,266 --> 00:01:24,562 Oh, Squidward. It's you! I thought I heard something. 18 00:01:24,603 --> 00:01:28,900 SpongeBob, I've been sitting here motionless for 45 minutes. 19 00:01:28,941 --> 00:01:31,903 What could you possibly have heard me doing? 20 00:01:31,944 --> 00:01:33,612 Breathing. 21 00:01:33,654 --> 00:01:36,115 SpongeBob, I'll give you five dollars 22 00:01:36,157 --> 00:01:39,410 if you let me enjoy the rest of my morning in peace. 23 00:01:39,451 --> 00:01:42,413 OK! 24 00:01:42,454 --> 00:01:44,874 Hey! I coulda sworn I had five dollars in here… 25 00:01:44,916 --> 00:01:46,125 I have it, Squidward. 26 00:01:46,167 --> 00:01:48,252 You gave it to me to leave you alone yesterday! 27 00:01:49,921 --> 00:01:51,756 Squidward, you can have the five dollars back. 28 00:01:51,797 --> 00:01:53,007 Mr. Krabs says… 29 00:01:53,049 --> 00:01:57,511 I don't care what Mr. Krabs says! I just want… 30 00:01:59,931 --> 00:02:01,306 Coffee rain! 31 00:02:01,348 --> 00:02:02,934 It's hot chocolate. 32 00:02:04,769 --> 00:02:06,395 Chocolate rain! 33 00:02:09,232 --> 00:02:11,567 Squidward! 34 00:02:11,609 --> 00:02:14,862 Squidward, wait! 35 00:02:27,917 --> 00:02:30,253 - It's locked! - Squidward! 36 00:02:30,294 --> 00:02:33,089 Squidward! 37 00:02:35,925 --> 00:02:36,968 Huh? 38 00:02:37,927 --> 00:02:41,973 The key! Oh, where did I put that stupid… 39 00:02:42,014 --> 00:02:43,224 Squidward! 40 00:02:44,683 --> 00:02:45,893 Squidward! 41 00:02:45,935 --> 00:02:48,311 Oh, why can't I just find the… 42 00:02:48,353 --> 00:02:51,857 - Squidward? - What?! 43 00:02:51,899 --> 00:02:54,152 You left your keys on the table back there. 44 00:02:56,695 --> 00:02:58,405 - Hey, Squidward… - Yes? 45 00:02:58,447 --> 00:03:00,616 Didn't you used to have one of those cucumber bicycles? 46 00:03:00,658 --> 00:03:04,662 That was a recumbent bicycle. 47 00:03:04,703 --> 00:03:06,247 - And I sold it. - Why? 48 00:03:06,289 --> 00:03:08,415 So I could get further away from you! 49 00:03:14,672 --> 00:03:16,966 OK, I'll see ya later then, Squidward! 50 00:03:17,008 --> 00:03:19,677 Bon Voyage, nincompoop! 51 00:03:25,390 --> 00:03:26,642 What the… 52 00:03:30,353 --> 00:03:32,231 Can I help you, officer? 53 00:03:32,273 --> 00:03:33,858 No. 54 00:03:33,899 --> 00:03:36,277 But you can help yourself to this ticket. 55 00:03:36,319 --> 00:03:38,154 Ticket? 56 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:42,616 Officer, Please! I have impeccable boat smarts! 57 00:03:42,658 --> 00:03:47,079 I pride myself in maintaining an unsoiled driving record! 58 00:03:47,121 --> 00:03:48,914 It's all that I have. 59 00:03:48,956 --> 00:03:51,292 Well, you can have it again, 60 00:03:51,334 --> 00:03:54,337 right after you complete Boating School. 61 00:03:58,716 --> 00:04:00,425 Boating School! 62 00:04:01,927 --> 00:04:04,805 Ah, well, it's just one day out of your life, Squiddy. 63 00:04:04,847 --> 00:04:06,932 How bad could it be? 64 00:04:06,974 --> 00:04:08,976 Oh, Squidward! 65 00:04:12,980 --> 00:04:14,398 Good morning, class. 66 00:04:14,439 --> 00:04:16,400 Would everyone please take a seat? 67 00:04:17,609 --> 00:04:20,279 Psst! Squidward! Sit here! 68 00:04:20,321 --> 00:04:23,157 - Here. - Um, excuse me, 69 00:04:23,199 --> 00:04:25,743 there don't seem to be any empty seats left. 70 00:04:25,784 --> 00:04:27,745 There's one right next to SpongeBob. 71 00:04:33,084 --> 00:04:34,543 Do you mind? 72 00:04:34,585 --> 00:04:37,922 Don't worry, Squidward. We're Boating Buddies, now. 73 00:04:37,963 --> 00:04:42,218 I'll teach you everything I know, and then we can… 74 00:04:42,260 --> 00:04:46,097 "We" won't be doing anything, because there is no we. 75 00:04:46,138 --> 00:04:48,432 - Understand? - Quiet in the front, please. 76 00:04:48,473 --> 00:04:50,184 Oh, I understand. 77 00:04:50,226 --> 00:04:55,189 I understand perfectly, Boating Buddy! 78 00:04:55,231 --> 00:04:58,234 OK, class. Why don't we get to know our new students 79 00:04:58,276 --> 00:05:01,070 by telling each other why we were sentenced to… 80 00:05:01,112 --> 00:05:04,448 I mean, why we are enrolled in Boating School. 81 00:05:04,489 --> 00:05:06,742 Um, I got caught speeding. 82 00:05:06,784 --> 00:05:08,327 Very good! Next? 83 00:05:08,369 --> 00:05:10,246 I don't see what's so very good about it. 84 00:05:10,288 --> 00:05:12,373 No, I didn't mean very… 85 00:05:12,415 --> 00:05:14,333 I know what you meant. 86 00:05:15,500 --> 00:05:17,586 - Next? - I'm here because my… 87 00:05:17,628 --> 00:05:21,090 We all know why you're here, SpongeBob. 88 00:05:21,132 --> 00:05:22,925 - What about you, sir? - What, me? 89 00:05:22,967 --> 00:05:25,386 Yes! Would you like to tell the rest of the class 90 00:05:25,428 --> 00:05:27,054 why you're with us today? 91 00:05:27,096 --> 00:05:29,390 Why, I'm… 92 00:05:31,350 --> 00:05:33,311 All right. I'll tell you. 93 00:05:33,352 --> 00:05:36,647 I was trying to get away from him! 94 00:05:38,023 --> 00:05:40,067 He is the bane of my existence! 95 00:05:40,109 --> 00:05:41,568 Yours, too? 96 00:05:41,610 --> 00:05:44,613 Uh, what I meant to say was, please come up to the chalkboard 97 00:05:44,655 --> 00:05:47,158 and draw a diagram of the incident. 98 00:05:47,199 --> 00:05:48,659 Gladly. 99 00:05:49,952 --> 00:05:52,663 It all started when I left my house… 100 00:05:55,749 --> 00:05:57,293 And then he appeared. 101 00:05:59,962 --> 00:06:02,465 He made an immediate right turn and parked… 102 00:06:04,133 --> 00:06:07,719 Here. Seeing the oncoming hazard, I looked both ways 103 00:06:07,761 --> 00:06:09,847 and proceeded safely towards my vehicle. 104 00:06:09,888 --> 00:06:11,640 It was then that I realized 105 00:06:11,682 --> 00:06:14,268 I was being followed at an unsafe distance! 106 00:06:16,228 --> 00:06:19,815 So, in order to create more optimal driving conditions, 107 00:06:19,857 --> 00:06:22,151 I was forced to then partake in… 108 00:06:22,193 --> 00:06:24,320 …evasive action. 109 00:06:26,822 --> 00:06:29,158 And, by increasing speed slightly, 110 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,160 I created a safety-cushion, 111 00:06:31,202 --> 00:06:33,412 while inadvertently attracting the attention 112 00:06:33,454 --> 00:06:36,874 of said law enforcement official. 113 00:06:36,915 --> 00:06:39,584 May I sit down now, sweet cheeks? 114 00:06:39,626 --> 00:06:41,420 Why, certainly. 115 00:06:41,462 --> 00:06:44,340 And perhaps now SpongeBob would like to come up 116 00:06:44,382 --> 00:06:46,384 and illustrate his side of the story. 117 00:06:46,425 --> 00:06:50,304 - His side?! - Well, first I started over here 118 00:06:50,346 --> 00:06:54,517 and then I went way over here. Like that. 119 00:06:54,557 --> 00:06:57,602 And then, I went around like this, and over here, 120 00:06:57,644 --> 00:06:59,771 and across this way, and down here, and over here, 121 00:06:59,813 --> 00:07:01,065 and then… 122 00:07:15,287 --> 00:07:20,418 …and then I came around, and stopped right here. 123 00:07:20,459 --> 00:07:25,464 SpongeBob and Squidward, Best Boating Buddies Forever? 124 00:07:25,506 --> 00:07:26,673 What the… 125 00:07:27,799 --> 00:07:29,760 - Do you like it, Squidward? - Shut it. 126 00:07:34,056 --> 00:07:37,184 Ah, lunchtime, eh, boating buddy? 127 00:07:39,686 --> 00:07:42,731 I'll have to eat over here. Just like back in grade school. 128 00:07:42,773 --> 00:07:45,443 Squidward, you got any extra mustard in there? 129 00:07:47,694 --> 00:07:50,072 Mm. Bon appétit, Squiddy! 130 00:07:55,411 --> 00:07:58,872 You ruined my morning, you've ruined my lunch, 131 00:07:58,914 --> 00:08:01,250 and you're ruining my… 132 00:08:07,381 --> 00:08:11,594 OK, class. It's time for our behind-the-wheel lesson. 133 00:08:11,635 --> 00:08:15,055 Squidward, you'll be riding with SpongeBob. 134 00:08:15,097 --> 00:08:16,681 Yeah, I never saw that comin'. 135 00:08:18,142 --> 00:08:21,270 Now, we're gonna take this nice and slow. 136 00:08:21,312 --> 00:08:24,689 SpongeBob, what do we do when pulling away from the curb? 137 00:08:24,731 --> 00:08:27,859 - Step on the gas? - Good! Nice and easy. 138 00:08:27,901 --> 00:08:29,778 Now, let's slowly… 139 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:32,573 SpongeBob, look out! 140 00:08:37,578 --> 00:08:40,122 - SpongeBob, gimme that wheel! - I got it! I got it! 141 00:08:40,164 --> 00:08:41,915 Don't… Just… 142 00:08:41,957 --> 00:08:43,584 Let go of it! 143 00:08:44,876 --> 00:08:46,337 Hooligans. 144 00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:02,769 Johnson, I've finally figured out a way 145 00:09:02,811 --> 00:09:04,563 to shrink an ordinary mailman 146 00:09:04,605 --> 00:09:07,065 down to the size of a grain of sand! 147 00:09:07,107 --> 00:09:09,610 - But how? - By using this Shrink-Ray! 148 00:09:14,072 --> 00:09:15,533 Mother of Mercy! 149 00:09:16,617 --> 00:09:18,327 - Where'd they go? - There! 150 00:09:18,369 --> 00:09:21,788 They're headed right for that discarded potato chip! 151 00:09:24,375 --> 00:09:27,711 - What's the matter? - Potato chips are his favorite! 152 00:09:27,752 --> 00:09:29,630 Johnson! 153 00:09:30,506 --> 00:09:31,965 No! 154 00:09:33,258 --> 00:09:35,553 No! No, no. 155 00:09:47,398 --> 00:09:50,442 I never will understand these city folk. 156 00:09:50,484 --> 00:09:52,528 Hey! Where'd Squidward go? 157 00:09:58,450 --> 00:10:00,369 I was just leaving. 158 00:10:02,621 --> 00:10:05,249 OK, class, it's time to take our final exam. 159 00:10:05,290 --> 00:10:06,791 Please have your pencils ready. 160 00:10:06,833 --> 00:10:09,878 Psst! Hey! Boating Buddy! If you need any help, 161 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:12,130 I've taken this test hundreds of times! I can… 162 00:10:12,172 --> 00:10:16,134 How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not your buddy! 163 00:10:16,176 --> 00:10:21,098 I don't need your help, and I don't need you. Ever! 164 00:10:21,139 --> 00:10:23,517 Now, just kindly let me take this stupid test 165 00:10:23,559 --> 00:10:25,060 so I can get outta here 166 00:10:25,102 --> 00:10:27,730 and never have to see you again for the rest of my life! 167 00:10:27,771 --> 00:10:30,399 OK, Squidward. If that's the way you want it. 168 00:10:30,441 --> 00:10:32,150 Thank you. 169 00:10:33,777 --> 00:10:36,905 Ha! 170 00:10:41,285 --> 00:10:43,746 Three more minutes, class. 171 00:10:43,828 --> 00:10:45,581 SpongeBob! 172 00:10:45,623 --> 00:10:48,375 - SpongeBob, I need your help! - Two more minutes. 173 00:10:48,417 --> 00:10:50,753 SpongeBob, please! This is important! 174 00:10:50,794 --> 00:10:53,338 You said you didn't need my help, Squidward. 175 00:10:53,380 --> 00:10:56,508 - And that you didn't need me. - No, no, I never said that. 176 00:10:57,342 --> 00:11:01,430 I don't need your help, and I don't need you! 177 00:11:01,472 --> 00:11:03,265 Jerk. 178 00:11:03,307 --> 00:11:05,892 All right, I said it, but that was before! 179 00:11:05,934 --> 00:11:09,062 - Before what? - Before… 180 00:11:09,104 --> 00:11:11,315 - Before… - One more minute, class. 181 00:11:11,356 --> 00:11:14,109 Before we were… 182 00:11:14,151 --> 00:11:15,818 Boating Buddies. 183 00:11:15,860 --> 00:11:17,446 Yay! 184 00:11:17,488 --> 00:11:19,239 OK, class, time's up. 185 00:11:19,281 --> 00:11:20,783 Time can't be up! 186 00:11:20,823 --> 00:11:23,118 I didn't get a chance to fill in a single answer! 187 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:24,578 What am I supposed to do? 188 00:11:24,620 --> 00:11:26,747 You do the same thing that everybody else does 189 00:11:26,789 --> 00:11:28,248 who fails the test. 190 00:11:28,290 --> 00:11:31,460 - You take it again next week! - Next week? 191 00:11:31,502 --> 00:11:34,837 Don't worry, I've never gotten one answer right on this test! 192 00:11:34,879 --> 00:11:38,550 But we'll meet again next week at Mrs. Puff's Boating School! 193 00:11:58,028 --> 00:11:59,904 Order up! 194 00:11:59,946 --> 00:12:01,532 How's it lookin' out there, boy? 195 00:12:01,573 --> 00:12:04,075 Like two more satisfied regulars, Mr. K. 196 00:12:04,117 --> 00:12:07,037 I ain't interested in the same old regulars, SpongeBob. 197 00:12:07,078 --> 00:12:09,581 So I took out an ad in the Bikini Bottom Examiner 198 00:12:09,623 --> 00:12:11,667 to bring in some new customers. 199 00:12:11,709 --> 00:12:14,795 'Twas a bargain, too. Only cost me a nickel. 200 00:12:14,837 --> 00:12:16,839 So, tell me now, boy, 201 00:12:16,879 --> 00:12:20,300 how many new customers we got out there so far? 202 00:12:20,342 --> 00:12:22,885 Ooh, let me see, there was… 203 00:12:22,927 --> 00:12:25,222 - None. - What? What do you mean, none? 204 00:12:25,263 --> 00:12:27,224 Don't these people read the paper? 205 00:12:30,935 --> 00:12:33,896 Ooh. This thing hasn't been touched in months. 206 00:12:35,524 --> 00:12:37,776 While that paper is sellin' like Krabby Patties. 207 00:12:37,818 --> 00:12:40,195 Uh, pardon me, sir, 208 00:12:40,237 --> 00:12:43,323 could I interest you in a copy of the Examiner this fine day? 209 00:12:43,365 --> 00:12:47,035 Nobody reads the Examiner, bud. 210 00:12:47,077 --> 00:12:49,872 It's all fulla boring charts and facts. 211 00:12:49,912 --> 00:12:52,165 The Bottom Feeder is where it's at. 212 00:12:52,207 --> 00:12:54,793 It's got, like, interesting stories and stuff. 213 00:12:54,835 --> 00:12:57,588 "Fish Boy strikes again." Wait a minute. 214 00:12:57,629 --> 00:12:59,840 Aren't these stories a little less than truthful? 215 00:12:59,882 --> 00:13:02,342 I don't know, but they're sellin'. 216 00:13:02,384 --> 00:13:05,763 Yes, they certainly are. 217 00:13:05,804 --> 00:13:07,639 Please, allow me. 218 00:13:07,681 --> 00:13:11,059 - Thank you. - No, thank you. 219 00:13:11,101 --> 00:13:14,312 Now, let's see how much they charge for advertising… 220 00:13:14,354 --> 00:13:17,900 25 cents per word? 221 00:13:17,940 --> 00:13:21,570 The newspaper business sure is easy money. 222 00:13:23,655 --> 00:13:26,157 That gives me an idea. 223 00:13:29,077 --> 00:13:32,831 What a fantabulastical day, eh, Squiddy? 224 00:13:32,873 --> 00:13:36,668 Yep, another wonderful, humdrum day slinging burgers. 225 00:13:39,922 --> 00:13:41,423 Off of your duff, boy! 226 00:13:41,465 --> 00:13:44,426 You think I spend all last night assembling this printing press 227 00:13:44,468 --> 00:13:46,553 so you could laze around all day? 228 00:13:46,595 --> 00:13:48,971 From now on, you'll be twice as busy, 229 00:13:49,013 --> 00:13:51,475 and I expect you to wear two hats. 230 00:13:51,516 --> 00:13:54,102 Cos along with your usual fry cookin' duties, 231 00:13:54,144 --> 00:13:58,148 you're my lead reporter for the new Krabby Kronicle! 232 00:13:58,189 --> 00:14:00,734 Oh, my very own press badge. 233 00:14:00,776 --> 00:14:04,863 That's right, boy. And here's your very own camera. 234 00:14:04,905 --> 00:14:06,156 You'll need it to document 235 00:14:06,197 --> 00:14:08,325 all them juicy stories you're gonna write. 236 00:14:08,366 --> 00:14:10,661 Well, what are you waitin' for, boy? 237 00:14:10,702 --> 00:14:12,370 The public thirsts for a juicy story, eh? 238 00:14:12,412 --> 00:14:13,996 Hmm. But what kind of story is juicy enough 239 00:14:14,038 --> 00:14:15,540 to quench their dry news gullets? 240 00:14:15,582 --> 00:14:17,292 I don't even know where to begin to look. 241 00:14:25,008 --> 00:14:26,760 No news to report here. 242 00:14:26,802 --> 00:14:29,137 Stop the presses, it's Patrick! 243 00:14:29,179 --> 00:14:32,098 And he appears to be waiting for the bus! 244 00:14:32,140 --> 00:14:34,726 This is the kind of story my readers are waiting for. 245 00:14:34,768 --> 00:14:37,145 Patrick Star? 246 00:14:37,187 --> 00:14:39,230 I'm Scoop SquarePants from the Krabby Kronicle. 247 00:14:39,272 --> 00:14:41,859 Everyone's wondering, what bus are you taking today? 248 00:14:41,900 --> 00:14:44,862 Oh, I'm not taking a bus, SpongeBob. 249 00:14:44,903 --> 00:14:47,531 I am watching this pole. 250 00:14:47,572 --> 00:14:51,117 So the next time it moves, I will see it. 251 00:14:51,159 --> 00:14:53,996 Whoa! This story is juicy. 252 00:15:05,883 --> 00:15:09,135 What a money-tastical day, eh, Mr. Squidward? 253 00:15:09,177 --> 00:15:11,680 Yeah, I'm just raking it in. 254 00:15:11,722 --> 00:15:14,808 I'm excited about all the newspaper sales, too. 255 00:15:14,850 --> 00:15:17,060 We haven't sold any papers today. 256 00:15:17,101 --> 00:15:19,354 What do you mean, we haven't sold any newspapers? 257 00:15:19,396 --> 00:15:20,898 Certainly, this gentleman 258 00:15:20,939 --> 00:15:23,650 would like a copy of the Krabby Kronicle. 259 00:15:23,692 --> 00:15:26,319 Looks boring. Can I just have a Krabby Patty? 260 00:15:26,361 --> 00:15:27,654 Too boring? 261 00:15:28,655 --> 00:15:30,991 SpongeBob! What's the meaning of this? 262 00:15:31,033 --> 00:15:32,534 Meaning of what, Mr. Krabs? 263 00:15:32,576 --> 00:15:35,119 "Local resident watches pole?" 264 00:15:35,161 --> 00:15:37,080 No-one's gonna pay to read this malarkey! 265 00:15:37,121 --> 00:15:38,999 When you write these stories, 266 00:15:39,041 --> 00:15:41,501 you gotta use a little imagination, boy. 267 00:15:41,543 --> 00:15:43,962 Imagination. 268 00:15:44,004 --> 00:15:48,258 Yeah, maybe instead of, "Man watches pole," 269 00:15:48,299 --> 00:15:52,554 you could say something like… Oh… "Man Marries Pole." 270 00:15:52,596 --> 00:15:55,974 Then you could alter the photo a little to fit the headline… 271 00:15:56,016 --> 00:15:58,769 See? Now, that's a juicy story. 272 00:15:58,810 --> 00:16:00,437 Mr. Krabs, isn't that lying? 273 00:16:00,478 --> 00:16:04,858 Don't think of it as lying, boy. Think of it as a practical joke. 274 00:16:04,900 --> 00:16:07,736 Y'know, something everybody can have a good laugh about. 275 00:16:07,778 --> 00:16:10,280 The public expects a little embellishment here and there, 276 00:16:10,321 --> 00:16:11,949 so I want you to go out there 277 00:16:11,990 --> 00:16:14,576 and get me a lead story that'll sell! 278 00:16:22,292 --> 00:16:25,087 Mrs. Puff is gonna laugh her hat off 279 00:16:25,128 --> 00:16:26,296 when she reads this! 280 00:16:26,337 --> 00:16:28,590 Boating teacher in high speed chase. 281 00:16:28,632 --> 00:16:30,467 I think you've finally done it! 282 00:16:30,508 --> 00:16:34,554 You've given me a story that'll sell! And sell it has. 283 00:16:37,181 --> 00:16:39,309 Yeah, but that isn't the story I wrote. 284 00:16:39,350 --> 00:16:41,227 That's called editorial privilege, son. 285 00:16:41,269 --> 00:16:43,688 It gives it that extra oomph to move units. 286 00:16:43,730 --> 00:16:46,900 Besides, how could such a little news story 287 00:16:46,942 --> 00:16:49,319 possibly affect Mrs. Puff in any way? 288 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:52,155 I can't believe such a little news story 289 00:16:52,196 --> 00:16:54,365 could have ruined my business. 290 00:16:57,243 --> 00:16:59,370 Let's see what there is to see. 291 00:16:59,412 --> 00:17:03,166 Wait a minute. Larry the Lobster? 292 00:17:03,207 --> 00:17:07,045 Hmm. Wonder what kind of dirt he has under those muscles. 293 00:17:08,713 --> 00:17:13,718 Ah-ha! This looks shady. Very shady. 294 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,387 Larry! Hey, tough guy. Can I punch you in the gut? 295 00:17:16,429 --> 00:17:19,766 Sure. Everybody does. It won't hurt me a bit. 296 00:17:22,310 --> 00:17:24,354 Told you it wouldn't hurt. 297 00:17:24,395 --> 00:17:26,148 - Thanks, big guy. - See you around. 298 00:17:27,482 --> 00:17:30,027 Very interesting. 299 00:17:30,819 --> 00:17:31,903 Out! Out! Out! 300 00:17:31,945 --> 00:17:34,572 - Hey, what's the big idea? - Dis! 301 00:17:34,614 --> 00:17:37,909 "Larry the Loser gets beaten up by pipsqueak." 302 00:17:37,951 --> 00:17:40,120 - B-but… - No buts. 303 00:17:40,162 --> 00:17:43,999 I can't have a wimp like you destroying my gym's reputation. 304 00:17:44,041 --> 00:17:45,667 You're banned forever! 305 00:17:45,709 --> 00:17:47,836 - Hello, Larry! - Not now, SpongeBob. 306 00:17:47,878 --> 00:17:50,755 Let me take in the fact that my life is ruined. 307 00:17:50,797 --> 00:17:52,924 Ruined? What're you talking about? 308 00:17:52,966 --> 00:17:55,177 These lies someone wrote about me. 309 00:17:57,054 --> 00:18:00,223 Thanks for your business! And here's your paper. 310 00:18:00,264 --> 00:18:01,850 Mr. Krabs, can I have a word with you? 311 00:18:01,892 --> 00:18:03,267 Make it quick, boy, 312 00:18:03,309 --> 00:18:05,311 these papers are sellin' faster than we can print 'em! 313 00:18:05,353 --> 00:18:07,647 That's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about, sir. 314 00:18:07,689 --> 00:18:10,067 I don't think these stories are doing anyone any good. 315 00:18:10,108 --> 00:18:12,777 Well, they're certainly doing me some good. 316 00:18:12,819 --> 00:18:16,114 Can you believe it? Look at all this loot! 317 00:18:17,574 --> 00:18:20,785 Yeah. But isn't there a way we could write juicy stories 318 00:18:20,827 --> 00:18:21,953 without hurting people? 319 00:18:21,995 --> 00:18:24,539 You just don't get it, do you, boy? 320 00:18:24,581 --> 00:18:26,499 We're not hurting anyone. 321 00:18:26,541 --> 00:18:30,336 We're just making their lives interesting for everybody else. 322 00:18:30,378 --> 00:18:32,881 Now, get out there and fetch another story. 323 00:18:34,799 --> 00:18:36,551 Oh, Karen! 324 00:18:36,593 --> 00:18:38,762 I think this is it. 325 00:18:38,803 --> 00:18:40,972 The Chum Stick that's finally gonna 326 00:18:41,014 --> 00:18:44,184 drive Krabs out of business. 327 00:18:44,226 --> 00:18:47,229 I think not. I'm Health Inspector Yellowtail. 328 00:18:47,270 --> 00:18:49,814 I'm officially closing down your restaurant. 329 00:18:49,856 --> 00:18:52,442 Why? I haven't done anything. 330 00:18:52,483 --> 00:18:54,611 That's not what this says. 331 00:18:54,652 --> 00:18:57,321 "Plankton's Chum made of your Chums." 332 00:18:57,363 --> 00:19:00,951 "The Chum Bucket serves your friends in more ways than one." 333 00:19:00,992 --> 00:19:02,786 What? 334 00:19:02,827 --> 00:19:05,663 Who's to blame for this? Who? 335 00:19:08,875 --> 00:19:13,504 You're reachin' new levels of imagination, boyo! 336 00:19:13,546 --> 00:19:15,173 Yeah, I know. 337 00:19:15,215 --> 00:19:17,092 What's wrong, boy? You sick, or something? 338 00:19:17,134 --> 00:19:18,969 Yes, Mr. Krabs. You could say that. 339 00:19:19,010 --> 00:19:21,763 Don't be silly, boy. We're a success! 340 00:19:21,805 --> 00:19:23,306 Mr. Krabs, we're hurting people. 341 00:19:23,347 --> 00:19:26,268 Oh, baloney. You better start feelin' right, 342 00:19:26,309 --> 00:19:29,229 cos if you don't, you can kiss yer spatula goodbye. 343 00:19:29,271 --> 00:19:30,647 Mr. Krabs! You wouldn't! 344 00:19:30,688 --> 00:19:32,149 Oh, darn tootin', I would. 345 00:19:32,190 --> 00:19:35,443 Now, get out there and bring me a juicy one. 346 00:19:35,485 --> 00:19:36,861 Aye-aye, cap'n. 347 00:19:42,242 --> 00:19:44,828 Sorry, fellas, this is a private tree dome. 348 00:19:44,869 --> 00:19:47,038 I had no idea it talked. 349 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:50,750 Don't worry, we're from the Neptunian Science Committee. 350 00:19:50,792 --> 00:19:54,296 And we've come to confiscate all your science awards. 351 00:19:54,337 --> 00:19:56,380 Haven't you read today's headlines? 352 00:19:56,422 --> 00:19:58,424 It can't even read. Why are you… 353 00:19:58,466 --> 00:20:00,218 Oh, gimme that! 354 00:20:00,260 --> 00:20:03,096 "Sandy Cheeks or Sandy Chump?" 355 00:20:03,138 --> 00:20:05,974 "Bushy-tailed brainiac really a slow-witted squirrel." 356 00:20:06,016 --> 00:20:08,310 "By SpongeBob SquarePants?" 357 00:20:08,351 --> 00:20:10,687 That yellow sidewinder thinks he can do that? 358 00:20:10,728 --> 00:20:12,730 Oh, boy! We'd better scram. 359 00:20:12,772 --> 00:20:14,899 The dumb ones are always the most violent. 360 00:20:21,281 --> 00:20:23,407 You've really outdone yourself this time. 361 00:20:27,245 --> 00:20:30,123 Mr. Krabs, I can't write these stories any more. 362 00:20:30,165 --> 00:20:31,833 Come on. That's a bunch of hooey. 363 00:20:31,875 --> 00:20:35,128 I've seen people's lives ruined with my own eyes. 364 00:20:35,170 --> 00:20:39,049 People want wild, juicy stories. That's what sells! 365 00:20:39,090 --> 00:20:40,884 Now, I want your little, yellow noggin 366 00:20:40,925 --> 00:20:43,053 to come up with the wildest story ever. 367 00:20:43,094 --> 00:20:44,971 One that'll top all the others. 368 00:20:45,013 --> 00:20:47,307 Gee, Mr. Krabs. I've written about everyone in town. 369 00:20:47,349 --> 00:20:51,477 - Any ideas, sir? - Surprise me. Gimme a shocker. 370 00:20:52,729 --> 00:20:55,357 Goodnight, boy. I'll check on you tomorrow mornin'. 371 00:20:55,398 --> 00:20:59,402 And remember, the wildest story ever! 372 00:20:59,443 --> 00:21:02,280 The wildest story ever, huh? 373 00:21:06,492 --> 00:21:08,494 How's it goin', lad? 374 00:21:10,580 --> 00:21:12,832 Uh-uh. It's a surprise. 375 00:21:12,874 --> 00:21:15,585 Excellent! We're gonna sell out in no time. 376 00:21:15,626 --> 00:21:17,795 We'll have to do another printing. 377 00:21:17,837 --> 00:21:19,630 Huh? 378 00:21:19,672 --> 00:21:22,508 - Task Master! - What's goin' on? 379 00:21:22,550 --> 00:21:24,510 You should know! 380 00:21:24,552 --> 00:21:27,222 "Krabs overworks employees, reaps reward?" 381 00:21:27,264 --> 00:21:29,432 "Krabby Kronicle mastermind behind bogus stories 382 00:21:29,473 --> 00:21:32,643 pays his tired, underage reporter pennies 383 00:21:32,685 --> 00:21:33,937 while he rakes in the dough." 384 00:21:33,978 --> 00:21:37,274 How could you do that to such an innocent child? 385 00:21:37,315 --> 00:21:39,692 It's sick and inhumane. 386 00:21:39,734 --> 00:21:43,238 Not to mention the fact that he's written lies about us. 387 00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:46,157 I lost my restaurant because of you. 388 00:21:46,199 --> 00:21:47,825 And I thought I was evil. 389 00:21:47,867 --> 00:21:50,870 All the kids in town wanna beat me up for lunch money. 390 00:21:52,414 --> 00:21:56,626 And I've had to go back to watching day time television. 391 00:21:56,667 --> 00:21:59,796 That's it. We're taking our money back. 392 00:22:04,092 --> 00:22:07,220 Mr. Krabs, are you OK? 393 00:22:07,262 --> 00:22:10,681 How can I be OK when me money's gone? 394 00:22:12,058 --> 00:22:15,519 All gone! 395 00:22:17,605 --> 00:22:19,316 It just goes to show, 396 00:22:19,357 --> 00:22:22,986 trying to make an easy buck doesn't pay. 397 00:22:24,486 --> 00:22:25,822 Or does it? 398 00:22:34,414 --> 00:22:38,751 Get some scissors, boy-o. It's time to use my imagination. 399 00:22:38,793 --> 00:22:41,545 Hey, guys? Can you fix me and the wife up 400 00:22:41,587 --> 00:22:44,007 a couple of Krabby Patties?