Are you ready, kids?
[kids] Aye-aye, captain.
I can't hear you.
[kids] Aye-aye, captain!
♪ Oh... ♪
♪ Who lives in a pineapple Under the sea? ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
♪ Absorbent and yellow And porous is he ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
♪ If nautical nonsense Be something you wish ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
♪ Then drop on the deck And flop like a fish ♪
- ♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪ - Ready?
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
♪ SpongeBob SquarePants ♪
[laughs]
[plays fluty tune]
Perch Perkins here, coming to you live
from the Bikini Bottom Wrestling Royal Rumble Free-For-All!
Free? Gimme, gimme, gimme!
Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!
Gimme. Gimme? Gimme?
Uh... what do I get?
[laughs] Well, what you get is the most anticipated event
of the wrestling season.
Hundreds of wrestlers from around the world
face off against the heavyweight champs.
[both roar]
[metallic clanging]
[crowd gasps]
[roars]
[both roar]
Anyone who can defeat these giants
will earn the championship title.
[yawns] Big deal.
And the million-dollar cash prize.
Million? Dollars? Cash?
Prize?
[roars]
Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!
[all growl]
Money, money, money, money, money, money,
money, money, money, money...
Money! Money! Money... Money... Money.
Money?
Ooh.
My leg! My leg!
No living soul should suffer through
what I've witnessed here today.
Except maybe...
[both giggle]
Where are you taking us, Mr. Krabs?
Now go get 'em!
[both giggle]
What do you think the surprise is, Patrick?
I don't know. What do you think it is?
I don't know. What do you--
Whatever it is, it's really big.
[gasps] And hairy!
[coughs]
And it smells angry.
- Is it time to look yet? - You peek first.
No, you peek first.
[both scream]
Hey, who are those guys, Mr. Krabs?
They look like they wanna hurt us.
What? Those two? Ah, they're harmless.
- It's all just part of the act. - The act?
Of course! They're just pretending.
Pretending?
[both] We like pretending.
[laughs] Don't we all?
Can we wear costumes?
Uh... sure.
Hey, SpongeBob, how do I look?
Wow! Looks like those Iron Bun workout videos
are really paying off.
- [grunts] - [TV] And two and three
and four steps closer to your dream body.
I can even do it in my sleep.
Wow! Can we have cool nicknames too?
Oh, fine. You're the, uh, Short Order Boy,
and he's the, uh, Pink Patty.
[both gasp]
And together, we are?
The Krusty Krushers.
Now, go out there and wrestle me up a million dollars!
[both laugh]
This is gonna be so fun. Yeah!
- Whoa! - Yeah!
- Whoa! - OK, we're ready.
Hmm? Oh, uh, yeah.
Al! Send the mic down. We've got fresh meat.
Actually, we're here to fake wrestle.
And to pretend wrestle.
Yeah, whatever. [clears throat]
In this corner we have the challengers,
the Krusty Krushers.
[burps] Ooh! Excuse me.
You can do it!
And on the opposite side of the ring,
we have the undefeated champions.
[burps]
[both] ♪ Happy thoughts ♪
♪ Happy thoughts Happy thoughts ♪
Did it just get dark in here?
Dark? I'm afraid of the dark!
Oh, don't be afraid, it's just them.
Oh. Right. Yeah, it's just those guys we're gonna wrestle.
Hello, fellow competitors.
[roars]
What was that?
Hmm. That's wrestlese for "You're dead meat."
I don't get it.
Hey, look, Patrick! It's Mr. Krabs, cheering us on.
Oomph!
Whoa!
Oh, hey, SpongeBob.
Hey, Patrick. Look, Patrick. It's a fist.
Fist? Where? Oh! Yeah, that's definitely a--
[crowd cheers]
[gargles]
[both] Yeah!
- How fun was that? - It was so super duper fun!
- [both] Boom! - Ahem!
Did you need something, Mr. Krabs?
Oh. Did I need something?
Hmm, let me think. Did I need something?
Yes, I need something!
I need you two to get back in there and show them who's boss.
Show them what Short Order Boy and Pink Patty can really do.
Right! Come on, Patrick.
Let's show these two what they're messing with.
With pleasure.
[both] Let's do this!
That's the million-dollar-winning spirit!
Alright, you two. No more messing around.
You see this? Just a spatula, right? Wrong!
Actually, this represents your face
after I get through mangling it.
[grunts]
There! You see that?
It's not gonna be pretty when I get done with you.
- Hey, good one, SpongeBob. - Thanks, Patrick.
Now you try saying something intimidating as well.
OK. And if you think this is bad,
wait till I get my hands on you.
I'm gonna... I'm gonna... uh, tear you to shreds
like a... [grunts]
Oh! Oh, come on!
Ah! I got a paper cut, paper cut!
Patrick, are you OK?
Huh? Oh. I'm fine. I just like to suck on my hand.
Really? Me too!
[screams]
Oh. [chuckles] Now what?
[laughs] That tickles.
Good catch.
- Look, I'm a-- - Helicopter!
[both yell]
[crowd cheers]
[whistles]
[giggles]
[both laugh]
- What are you doing out there? - Fake wrestling.
OK.
But you still have to try to win in fake wrestling.
Mr. Krabs, we're having so much fun.
Doesn't that make us winners?
Actually, it doesn't!
OK, OK, look. Just--
Hey, where'd they... Oh, no! Not the--
[crowd gasps]
Wow! Now that's a serious sleeper hold.
[lullaby music]
Oh, hello, Mr. Fluffy. Mm-hm-hm!
[coos like a baby]
[crowd] Aww!
And it looks like the champs are ready to end it.
- End it? - [crowd chants] End it! End it.
Get up, you guys!
Yep, they're gonna leave more than a mark
with this special move.
The mother of all moves,
a flying double-decker atomic head-butt of destruction.
With a spin.
[screams] Come on! Come on! Wake up!
[snores]
And squeeze.
Oh, who am I kidding? Goodbye, money.
Squeeze!
Goodbye, money. [sobs]
Squeeze!
[both] Huh?
- Oh, no! - Not iron buns!
[clang]
[whistles]
[bell dings]
Ladies and gentlemen, here are your new champions.
Goodbye, my... new champions?!
That's right, Skip. And the winners of one million dollars.
Hello, money!
Hoo-hoo! Money! Sweet money!
- Or... - Or?!
You can take what's behind curtain number two.
Curtain number two?
Make all your dreams come true with one week at wrestle camp.
Like we'd trade this money for--
[both] Wrestle camp!
Wrestle camp! Wrestle camp! Wrestle camp!
Wrestle camp it is!
See you at Wrestle Camp, Mr. Krabs.
Next! Oh, no.
Hey, Quincy. How's my favorite money man?
SpongeBob. What can I do for you?
The new Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy cards come out today.
So I need to take out some mon-ay.
[sighs] Let me see your bank book.
Sure thing, Quincy. Sure thing.
Nice bunnies.
I know, I know. It's so embarrassing.
I wanted the one with the kittens on it.
Right.
- Here you are, sir. - Thank you.
Hm... Uh, Quincy, this one is wrinkled.
I couldn't possibly give this to Mermaid Man.
It simply won't do.
I don't think they go directly to Mermaid Man, SpongeBob.
But, um, here. Try this one.
[sniffs] Hmm. This one smells funny.
Oh, come on. Would you hurry up?
Yeah. Some of us have withdrawals to make, you know?
- Oh, come on! - Hey!
Well, I'll have you know that this is for Mermaid Man
and I'm not leaving until I have money
that shows him the proper respect.
Whoa!
[cheering]
[Patrick] One, two, three, four.
Hey, Patrick. Counting up your change
for a pack of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy trading cards?
No. I'm thinking about buying this book on counting.
Three... four...
[gasps] What's gonna happen next?
Five! Holy super happy fun time! This book's good!
I'll take it. One, two, three...
One pack of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy cards, please.
- All right! - Hey, not so fast.
Where's my dollar?
There you are, my good sir.
Here you go, kid.
So shiny and smooth.
[shrieks]
Oh!
Ooh!
Mermaid Man's bubble-powered wheelchair from Season 12.
[gasps] And Barnacle Boy's bunion.
Holy scallops.
It's the dentures that Mermaid Man used
to pop the dirty bubble in episode 402.
Wow. These must be the most valuable cards in the world.
I'll treasure them forever.
[laughs] Those cards aren't worth nothing.
I wouldn't put those cards in the spokes of my bike.
Now, if you want to see a card worth talking about,
check this one out.
This is the super rare platinum
hologrammed animated talking card number 54.
[announcer] Mermaid Man says...
Buy more cards!
There are only five in existence.
How much is it, for this one?
This one's just a display. If you want a real one,
you have to buy as many packs as you can and hope you get lucky.
Oh, I have a good feeling about this one.
Come on! And it's...
nothing.
Oh.
[screams] Oh, I'll never find card 54!
- [pants] - 96... 97...
98...99...
100! Oh! I hate counting!
Just give me what he's having.
Oh, boy! Let's see which card I got.
Is this a good card, SpongeBob?
No. It's just another...
Mermaid Man says...
Buy more cards!
Number 54! That's the best card there is!
- It sure does the job. - [screams]
Patrick, you're picking your teeth with it.
I'm preventing gingivitis.
Patrick. That's the ultra-rare number 54 talking card.
It's really valuable. And there's only five in existence.
And... [babbles]
[babbles] ...Patrick!
So now do you understand
why you should take really good care of that card?
Yes, sir.
I can't let anything happen to that card.
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy would never forgive me.
Patrick, watch out!
[pants] You almost tripped on that crack.
Phew. Now watch where you're going.
OK. Thanks, buddy.
Patrick, look out!
Ah. That was close.
[laughs] Hey, SpongeBob, fun.
Patrick, this is serious.
You're carrying precious cargo now.
You can't just wander aimlessly around like you've been--
What?
The card!
Patrick, why did you just walk into Goo Lagoon?
SpongeBob, you can't always expect
my usual brand of stupidity.
I like to mix it up, keep you on your toes.
[screams]
Here we are. Home, safe home.
And nothing happened to the card.
Good job, SpongeBob. Now let me just get my keys.
Nope.
There you are. I knew you were in there somewhere.
[gasps] The super rare and priceless
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy trading card.
Patrick, where is it? Where is it?!
Dear Neptune. You didn't put it in your pocket, did you?
It's getting all bent up!
Bent up! Bent up! Bent up!
Bent, bent, bent, bent up!
Don't get your pants up in a square knot, SpongeBob.
I don't even believe in pockets.
I keep everything I need right here,
in the folds of my back fat.
You seem to be pretty fond of this little thing.
[sobs]
Why don't you just keep it?
You mean you'd give me your most valuable possession?
I'd give you my most valuable possession?
- You're the best pal ever! - I'm the best pal ever!
- But can you do me one favor? - Sure, pal. Anything for you.
Do you mind if I hold on to it, just for today?
Um... sure, Patrick.
Oh, good. Because my landlord changed the lock again.
Patrick, wait. Let me call a locksmith.
Oh, I don't need any old locksmith.
But, Patrick, don't! Patrick! Oh!
Patrick! Don't you think maybe...
- that you shouldn't-- - [groans]
Man! This card is fantastic.
[stomach rumbles]
Breaking and entering sure makes a fella hungry.
Hey, why don't we eat some dinner?
And then I'll give you your card.
Ooh. This barbecue's really filthy.
Oh, but this'll take care of it.
No, no, Patrick. Wait. Allow me to clean it.
No, no, SpongeBob. I know you wanna help, but you're my guest.
[scraping]
There. Nice and shiny.
[alarm rings]
Patrick, the card! It's on fire!
Oh, yeah, yeah. I'll take care of it.
There. Good as new.
Ew.
Dinner is served.
[card gurgles] Buy cards.
[burps] Ah. Oh, that hit the spot. Pardon me.
Ah.
Hey, look at that.
Sundown already?
Well, you can have your card now.
I hope you get as much use out of it as I have.
Hmm.
[recording sputters]
Oh, it's ruined!
[wails]
SpongeBob, what's wrong?
Now I'll never have Mermaid Man card number 54,
the special talking one.
Aw. Sure you will.
No. No, I spent all my money and...
and... and you bought the last pack!
There's no more left in all of Bikini Bottom.
Well, what about these?
[cards] Mermaid Man says...
Buy more cards!
Number 54. Patrick, where did you get these?
Well, that one pack I bought was filled with 'em.
May I have one?
They're all yours, buddy. See you tomorrow.
Wow!
Ah, hey, SpongeBob, can I borrow one of those cards?
I locked myself out of my house again.