GOOD MORNING, DAY.
crack!
OW!
I STUBBED MY TOE.
I STUBBED MY TOE!
rip!
OH, THAT WAS MY FAVORITE SHIRT.
AND THAT WAS AJA BY EELY DAN.
NEXT UP IS LIONEL FISHY WITH HIS HIT, SAD SONG.
A SO SAD SONG!
THAT SPONGEBOB IS SUCH A CRYBABY.
LUCKY ME.
I GET TO WORK WITH HIM ALL DAY.
* LA-LA-LA-LA *
* LA-LA-BOP-BOP-BA-DA *
- YOW! - SPONGEBOB, GUESS WHAT.
YEAH, I'LL COME BACK LATER.
HE WAS A GOOD LITTLE KRABBY PATTY.
I DIDN'T KNOW HIM WELL,
BUT IN THE FEW SHORT SECONDS
BETWEEN GRILL AND FLOOR…
I CAME TO LOVE HIM.
IT JUST ISN'T FAIR!
SPONGEBOB, WILL YOU STOP CRYING?
BUT THE KRABBY PATTY FELL ON THE FLOOR AND THEN HE…
KRABBY PATTY NOTHING.
BUT…
KRABBY PATTY NOTHING!
WHAT NOW?
YOU YELLED AT ME.
YOU YELLED AT ME!
ALL RIGHT, LOOK.
SO FAR TODAY,
AND IT'S NOT EVEN 2:00 YET,
YOU HAVE CRIED 43 TIMES.
AND YOU WROTE THAT NUMBER ON A CHALKBOARD?
YES!
WHY?
I HAVE NO IDEA.
OH, SQUIDWARD, THERE'S NO WAY I CRY THAT MUCH.
THERE'S NOT THAT MANY TEARS IN MY BRAIN.
AU CONTRAIRE.
WHAT'S THIS?
IT'S A QUICK MONTAGE OF FLASHBACKS
I'VE EDITED TOGETHER
THAT SHOWS THE HUNDREDS OF TEARS
YOU HAVE CRIED OVER THE YEARS.
STOP. IT BURNS.
THOUSANDS OF TEARS LATER…
WOW.
GUESS I DO CRY A LOT.
I PROMISE I WON'T CRY ANYMORE.
OH, NONSENSE.
I BET YOU CAN'T GO THE REST OF THE DAY WITHOUT CRYING.
EXCUSE ME A MINUTE.
STAR RESIDENCE.
PATRICK SPEAKING.
HEY, PATRICK.
HEY, BUDDY!
IS IT 7:30 ALREADY?
NO, I'M STILL AT WORK.
HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
DO YOU THINK THAT I COULD GO THE REST OF THE DAY
WITHOUT CRYING?
WELL, OF COURSE YOU CAN.
OKAY, GREAT. THANKS, PATRICK.
SURE.
DID YOU REMEMBER TO PUT THAT PACKAGE OUTSIDE
WHERE I TOLD YOU?
YEAH, BUT I LEFT IT IN A DIFFERENT SPOT.
JUST ASK GARY. HE KNOWS WHERE IT IS.
HEY, GOOD ONE, BUDDY.
YOU ALMOST HAD ME THERE.
OKAY.
YEAH, TALK TO YOU LATER.
ALL RIGHT, SEE YOU.
OKAY, IT'S A BET.
FINE.
IF YOU CRY ONE TEAR BEFORE MIDNIGHT,
YOU HAVE TO WASH MY BIKE,
CLEAN OUT MY RAIN GUTTERS,
AND DO ALL MY YARD WORK FOR A YEAR.
SOUNDS FAIR TO ME.
AND IF I MAKE IT TO MIDNIGHT WITHOUT CRYING,
YOU'LL COME TO A SLUMBER PARTY AT MY PLACE,
JUST YOU AND ME.
OOH, WHAT'S A MATTER?
UM, NOTHING.
I JUST THREW UP A LITTLE IN MY MOUTH.
NO NEED TO WORRY, SQUIDDY.
YOU'VE OUTDONE YOURSELF.
HE'LL BE CRYING IN TEN MINUTES.
HA!
HA.
THANKS AGAIN FOR WALKING HOME WITH ME, SQUIDWARD.
THERE'S A FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING.
ALSO I'D LIKE TO WIN THIS BET AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
I'M NOT GONNA CRY.
I CAN DO THIS.
DO WHAT?
OH, MY.
WHAT A LOVELY SUNSET.
TAKE A LOOK, SPONGEBOB.
ISN'T THAT BEAUTIFUL?
I'VE NEVER SEEN SUCH A BEAUTIFUL UNDERWATER SUNSET.
REALLY TUGS AT THE HEARTSTRINGS, DOESN'T IT?
MM-HMM.
IT…
IS THAT A TEAR I SEE?
OH, WELL, SUNSET'S OVER.
UGH.
NICE OF YOU TO DROP IN, NEIGHBOR.
NICE OF YOU TO HAVE ME. I…
OH, LOOK, SPONGEBOB.
GARY'S SLEEPING.
AW, HE LOOKS LIKE AN ANGEL.
THAT IS JUST SO ADORABLE.
ALMOST MAKES YOU WANT TO CRY.
YEAH…
NO.
THERE SHALL BE NO TEARS IN THIS HOUSE TONIGHT.
* LA-LA-LA-LA-LA *
OH, SPONGEBOB?
- YES? - YOUR MAIL'S HERE.
OOH. OH, LOOK.
IT'S A POSTCARD FROM YOUR DEAR MOTHER AND FATHER
SO FAR AWAY.
MOTHER? FATHER?
"DEAR SPONGEBOB, WE ARE HAVING A WONDERFUL TIME
"IN THE SOUTH SEAS,
AND WE MISS YOU VERY, VERY MUCH."
OH…
MY SUBSCRIPTION TO JELLY FISHING MONTHLY'S EXPIRED.
REMIND ME TO RENEW THAT, WILL YOU, SQUIDWARD?
NO PROBLEM.
WELCOME BACK TO BIKINI BOTTOM NEWS.
OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT,
A SERIES OF SAD TALES.
OOH, LET'S TURN IT UP.
TRAGEDY IN THE PARK
WHEN A YOUNG SNAIL CAUGHT IN A TREE
ALMOST DIDN'T GET DOWN.
MEOW.
HOWEVER,
HE DID…
GET DOWN.
HOORAY!
COMING UP,
AN INTERVIEW WITH A MANATEE
WHO DIDN'T GET WHAT HE WANTED FOR HIS BIRTHDAY.
OH, NO.
AND FINALLY, SAD NEWS
FOR MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY FANS.
WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
THEY WILL ONLY BE SHOWING
THE MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY SHOW
SEVEN TIMES A DAY INSTEAD OF EIGHT.
LET'S WATCH SOMETHING ELSE, SQUIDWARD, OKAY?
FINE!
HEY, DAD.
HOW ABOUT A GAME OF CATCH?
SORRY, SON.
I'M LATE FOR WORK.
OKAY, DAD.
I GUESS I CAN STAY FOR A FEW THROWS.
I LOVE YOU, DAD.
I LOVE YOU, SON.
zap!
UGH!
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT THAT TELEVISION…
ROTS THE BRAIN.
HEY, THANKS FOR THE TV, SPONGEBOB.
I'M GONNA WATCH IT ALL NIGHT.
IT'S GETTING LATE.
I'D BETTER BRING OUT THE BIG GUNS.
OH, SPONGEBOB?
YES, SQUIDWARD?
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO
A LITTLE MUSIC?
I'D SAY…
I'LL GO AND GET SOME REFRESHMENTS.
DON'T BE LONG.
MY SECRET WEAPON IS WAITING.
YOU SAID SOMETHING, SQUIDWARD?
OH, I JUST SAID, "RELAX, AND ENJOY THE SONG".
THAT'S A REALLY SAD SONG, SQUIDWARD.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA CRY THOUGH, ARE YOU?
NO.
TIME REALLY DOES FLY WHEN YOU'RE HAVING FUN.
WELL, I BETTER START GETTING READY FOR BED.
UH, SPONGEBOB, NO, NO, NO.
UH, WAIT.
YES, SQUIDWARD?
HOW ABOUT A BEDTIME STORY?
NOW YOU'RE TALKING.
WHATCHA GONNA READ ME, SQUIDWARD?
UM…
HOW ABOUT THE LITTLE ANGLER WHO GOT LOST?
THAT SOUNDS LIKE A VERY SAD STORY.
OH, VERY SAD.
THERE ONCE WAS A LITTLE ANGLER
WHO WAS LITTLE AND SAD.
ONE DAY THE LITTLE SAD ANGLER
WAS WALKING THROUGH THE PARK.
WALKING.
BUT HE WAS SAD.
BECAUSE…
HE WAS LOST.
HE WAS LOST AND VERY SAD.
AND THEN HE… HE STARTED TO CRY.
HE CRIED AND HE CRIED,
AND HE CRIED EVEN MORE.
AND HE KEPT CRYING AND CRYING
AND CRYING AND CRYING AND…
THAT'S RIGHT. YOU CAN DO IT.
I'M WONDERING IF IT MIGHT NOT BE SO HEALTHY
TO HOLD IN ALL MY TEARS, SQUIDWARD.
YOU'RE EXACTLY RIGHT, SPONGEBOB.
LET IT ALL OUT.
DON'T FIGHT THE FEEL…
TEN, NINE…
DO IT. DO IT. CRY.
EIGHT, SEVEN, SIX,
FIVE…
COME ON!
FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE.
MIDNIGHT.
WELL, SPONGEBOB,
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU WON THE…
WOW.
WHAT A GREAT SHOW.
WELL, AT LEAST WE'RE STILL TOGETHER, LITTLE ONES.
thud!
MORE POPCORN, SQUIDWARD?
NO, NO.
NO, NO, PLEASE.
DON'T BE SHY NOW.
I MADE EXTRA.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT. LET IT OUT.
YOU CAN CRY ALL YOU WANT.
YOU'RE AMONG FRIENDS HERE.
HAVE A GOOD SUMMER VACATION, CLASS.
I'LL SEE YOU ALL NEXT FALL.
WELL, HOPEFULLY NOT ALL OF YOU.
TIME TO VAMOOSE.
OH, MRS. PUFF?
WHERE ARE MY KEYS?
MRS. PUFF?
COME ON.
I'VE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.
AH-HAH!
MRS. PUFF?
GET AWAY FROM ME.
OH, MRS. PUFF?
I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE.
PHEW.
I LOST HIM.
MRS. PUFF?
CAN I GIVE YOU MY NOTE NOW?
WHY CAN'T YOU TAKE A HINT?
HELP.
OH, DEAR. OF COURSE I'LL HELP.
smack!
MRS. PUFF, DON'T FORGET TO READ THE NOTE!
WHY WON'T HE JUST LE…
WHOA!
crash!
AH!
OH, NO. NOT AGAIN.
IF MY PAROLE OFFICER FINDS OUT, I DON'T STAND A CHANCE.
I'LL BE SENTENCED FOR LIFE THIS TIME.
HMM, QUITE A CONUNDRUM YOU HAVE HERE.
IT WOULD BE A CRYING SHAME TO A CERTAIN SOMEONE
IF THIS INFORMATION WERE TO LEAK OUT TO THE AUTHORITIES.
OH, PLEASE, DON'T TELL THE POLICE.
I'LL BE A DEAD MAN IF I GET CAUGHT.
I'LL DO ANYTHING.
IT'S GONNA COST A FORTUNE
TO GET THIS FIXED…
THANKS TO YOU.
OH, GRACIOUS ME.
I DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF CASH.
DON'T WORRY.
I THINK WE CAN WORK SOMETHING OUT.
HUH?
YOU MEAN WE SHOULD GO OUT ON A DATE?
UH…
INTERESTING.
NO, I HAD SOMETHING ELSE IN MIND.
SURPRISE, SPONGEBOB.
YOU HAVE A NEW COWORKER.
MRS. PUFF!
SHE'LL BE FILLING IN FOR SQUIDWARD
WHILE HE'S…
UH…
ON VACATION.
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, MRS. PUFF?
THAT'S RIGHT.
AND SHE'LL BE WORKING UNPAID
UNTIL HE RETURNS, WON'T SHE?
YEAH.
SQUIDWARD.
I FORGOT TO TELL YOU,
YOU'RE TAKING THE SUMMER OFF.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
SEE YA.
WHOO, THAT WAS CLOSE.
IT ALL SOUNDS A BIT MYSTERIOUS TO ME.
BUT WHY SHOULD I CARE?
I'M WORKING WITH GOOD OLD MRS. PUFF.
SAY, DID YOU GET MY NOTE?
OH, I GOT YOUR NOTE ALL RIGHT.
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?
WHAT DID I THINK?
I THINK IT CAUSED ME TO…
UH, LET'S JUST SAY IT CHANGED MY LIFE.
IT CERTAINLY HAS.
NOW SPONGEBOB, WOULD YOU PLEASE SHOW MRS. PUFF HER NEW DUTIES
VIS-A-VIS HER RECENTLY CHANGED LIFE,
BECAUSE I SURE AS SNAIL SNOT
CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO DO IT.
OH, BOY.
I GET TO SHOW YOU THE ROPES, MRS. PUFF.
HEY, IT'S KINDA LIKE I'M THE TEACHER.
I'M GONNA BE TEACHING YOU NOW.
PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE.
SHALL WE START WITH THE IMPORTANCE
OF GOOD KITCHEN HYGIENE?
OR THE UNABRIDGED HISTORY OF THE PATTY?
WHY DON'T WE JUST START WITH MY BASIC DUTIES?
EAGER TO GET BEHIND THE WHEEL, EH?
I LIKE IT.
"THIS IS MY REGISTER.
THERE ARE MANY LIKE IT, BUT THIS ONE IS MINE."
THERE ARE MANY LIKE IT, BUT THIS ONE IS MINE.
NOW, LIKE A SHIP'S RUDDER,
THIS OLD REGISTER IS TEMPERAMENTAL.
SO WHEN YOU HIT THE TOTAL KEY…
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
NOTHING.
YOU'RE NOT TAKING NOTES?
ALWAYS REMEMBER, GOOD GRADES…
both: ONLY FOLLOW DILIGENT NOTES.
I KNOW, SPONGEBOB.
I TAUGHT YOU THAT PHRASE.
DON'T WORRY, MRS. PUFF.
YOU MAY BORROW MY NOTEPAD TODAY.
NOW, WHERE WAS I?
OH, YES.
THE TOTAL KEY IS A BIT STICKY,
SO YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO BE FORCEFUL,
BUT NOT TOO FORCEFUL.
DID YOU GET THAT?
FORCEFUL, BUT NOT TOO FORCEFUL.
YOU DID!
DILIGENCE LIKE THIS DESERVES A STICKER.
COLLECT TEN, AND YOU'RE ENTITLED TO A "SUPER" STICKER.
WHY DON'T WE WORK ON OUR CUSTOMER SERVICE
WITH A LITTLE ROLE PLAYING?
I'LL BE THE CUSTOMER, AND YOU SHOW ME YOUR BEST
AND FRIENDLIEST SERVICE, HMM?
FINE.
GOOD DAY, M'LADY.
CHARMED, I'M SURE.
FUNNY COSTUME, SPONGEBOB.
FORGIVE ME, BUT I KNOW NOT OF THIS SPONGEBOB FELLOW.
MY NAME IS DUKE THOMAS FEATHERMUFFIN,
AND I ENTERED YOUR PLACE OF BUSINESS
IN HOPES OF PROCURING LUNCH ON THIS FINE DAY.
OF COURSE, MR. FEATHERMUFFIN.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO EAT TODAY?
psst! MRS. PUFF.
IT'S ME, SPONGEBOB.
I THINK THIS WILL GO SMOOTHER IF YOU JUST REFER TO HIM AS DUKE.
YOU MEAN TO REFER TO YOU AS DUKE.
OF COURSE.
HOW ELSE WOULD ONE REFER TO ME?
I AM A DUKE, AFTER ALL.
NOW, I SHOULD FANCY A MEAL, IF IT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT WITH YOU.
OKAY, DUKE.
WHAT'LL YOU HAVE?
I SHALL HAVE BEANS ON TOAST, PLEASE.
ALL RIGHT, ONE BEANS ON TOAST COMING UP.
psst! MRS. PUFF, SPONGEBOB AGAIN.
YOU BETTER INFORM THE DUKE THAT WE DON'T SERVE BEANS ON TOAST.
UGH.
THIS IS JUST RIDICULOUS.
WOULD YOU SIMPLY EXPLAIN MY DUTIES, PLEASE?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING YELLING AT ME CUSTOMERS?
THE DUKE HERE IS ONE OF ME REGULARS.
AND I DON'T NEED TO EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU START LOSING YOUR REGULARITY, DO I?
OH, DEAR.
MESSAGE RECEIVED, MR. KRABS.
JUST DON'T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN, PUFF.
WELL, I SEE YOU HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE GETTING IN GEAR THERE,
BUT YOU'LL BE IN THE FAST LANE BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.
AH, HERE COMES ANOTHER CUSTOMER.
LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN APPLY WHAT YOU'VE LEARNED.
WELCOME TO THE KRUSTY KRAB, SIR.
MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?
YES!
ONE KRABBY PATTY, PLEASE.
$1, PLEASE.
THANK YOU.
GOOD JOB, MRS. PUFF.
NOW, ALL THAT'S LEFT IS TO SUBMIT THE ORDER TO THE COOK.
ONE KRABBY PATTY.
OH, MRS. PUFF.
WHAT?
IT MUST HAVE SLIPPED YOUR MIND
THAT YOU NEED TO SUBMIT THE ORDER IN WRITING AS WELL.
IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO ENSURE MAXIMUM CLARITY.
FINE.
HERE'S YOUR WRITTEN FORM.
ONE KRABBY PATTY.
MRS. PUFF?
WHAT NOW?
I CAN'T BEGIN COOKING UNTIL THE BELL HAS RUNG.
smack!
THANK YOU.
ALTHOUGH A SMIDGE LESS RIGOROUS NEXT TIME, PLEASE.
ORDER UP!
YOU'VE DONE WELL SO FAR, STUDENT.
NOW, WE DELIVER THE ITEM TO THE CUSTOMER.
BE CAUTIOUS, BUT SWIFT.
I WOULDN'T GO THAT WAY IF I WERE YOU.
IT'S FASTER IF YOU GO THIS WAY, MRS. P.
LOOK OUT FOR THE BARREL.
I'LL GIVE YOU A BAR…
WHOA!
WATCH FOR PEDESTRIANS.
AH!
thud!
POTHOLE!
HEY!
LOOK OUT, MRS. PUFF.
TIME FOR EVASIVE ACTION.
ding!
AND THE PATTY IS UNSCATHED.
WAY TO GO, MRS. PUFF.
YOUR FIRST SATISFIED CUSTOMER.
I WILL HAVE TO DEDUCT POINTS FOR THAT LANDING, THOUGH.
THAT'S IT. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.
THIS ISN'T WORTH IT.
I WILL NOT BE HUMILIATED ANY LONGER.
DON'T FORGET TO READ THE NOTE.
YOU!
IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU I GOT STUCK IN THIS MESS.
UGH!
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.
WELL, WELL, WELL.
IF IT AIN'T MRS. PUFF.
I SAW WHAT YOU DID.
UH, YOU DID?
YEAH.
OH, PLEASE.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT. I SWEAR.
IT'S TOO LATE FOR SWEARING, PUFF.
THE EVIDENCE IS RIGHT HERE.
YOU LITTERED.
AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO THE STONY LONESOME.
LITTERED?
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, OFFICER.
YES, I SURE DID LITTER.
THAT'S WHAT I DID.
YEAH. ALL RIGHT.
YOU'RE UNDER ARREST NOW.
NO PROBLEM, OFFICER.
TIME BY MYSELF IN THE STONY LONESOME IS JUST WHAT I NEED.
TELL IT TO THE JUDGE, MRS. PUFF.
ONE DAY DOWN.
2,528 TO GO.
THAT'S JUST SHY OF FOUR YEARS WITHOUT SPONGEBOB.
I'M GOING TO ENJOY THIS.
GET UP, PUFF.
THE JUDGE SAYS YOU HAVE TO GO TO TRAFFIC SCHOOL.
OH, WOW.
A DRIVER'S EDUCATION CLASS.
IT'S JUST HOW I MADE A LIVING, EXCEPT WITHOUT…
HIM.
OH, DELIGHTFUL.
GOOD DAY, CLASS.
smack!
I MUST BE HAVING A NIGHTMARE.
WHAT'S HE DOING HERE?
DIDN'T YOU READ THE NOTE, MRS. PUFF?
HERE, I TAPED IT TOGETHER AND SAVED IT JUST IN CASE.
"DEAR MRS. PUFF.
"I'M FOLLOWING IN YOUR FOOTSTEPS
"AND GOT A JOB AS A DRIVER'S ED TEACHER FOR THE SUMMER.
HEART, SPONGEBOB."
GET ME OUTTA HERE!
UH! OW! OH!
YOW! YOW! AH!
NOW, LET'S OPEN OUR DRIVER'S ED HANDBOOKS TO CHAPTER ONE.
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