ARE YOU READY, KIDS?
all: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
all: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
♪ OHH... ♪
♪ WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? ♪
all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
- ♪ ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE ♪
all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
- ♪ IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHING YOU WISH ♪
all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
- ♪ THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH ♪
- all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! - READY?
all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!
SPONGEBOB
SQUAREPANTS!
[laughing]
♪ ♪
[waves crashing]
[upbeat ukulele music]
♪ ♪
BIKINI BOTTOM ACTION NEWS!
TONIGHT'S TOP STORY:
A WEALTHY ENTREPRENEUR WHO WISHES TO REMAIN ANONYMOUS
IS SPONSORING THIS YEAR'S SLEIGH RACE.
FIRST PRIZE: $1 MILLION.
ALL OF BIKINI BOTTOM HAS ENTERED,
BUT ONLY ONE HOPEFUL WILL WIN.
WE JOIN ROVING REPORTER PERCH PERKINS
LIVE AT THE SCENE.
- THE TENSION'S BUILDING UP AS THE CONTESTANTS LINE UP
TO WIN THE PRIZE.
- GARY AND I ARE GONNA TRY TO WIN THE PRIZE
SO MR. KRABS CAN FIX UP THE KRUSTY KRAB.
RIGHT, GARY?
[meowing]
I HEAR YA.
I HOPE I WIN SO I CAN BUY ALL THE KRABBY PATTIES I WANT.
GOOD THING I BROUGHT OUT THE HEAVY ARTILLERY.
GOOEY WORMS.
- UH, PATRICK, THOSE DON'T MOVE.
- SURE THEY DO. GIDDY-UP!
YA!
SEE?
[chuckles]
YOU DON'T STAND A CHANCE, KRABS.
KAREN AND I--
I MEAN, MY WORM AND I ARE GONNA WHIP YOUR TAILFIN!
RIGHT, WORM?
RUFF, RUFF.
AND WITH THE PRIZE MONEY,
I'LL TOPPLE YOUR RESTAURANT EMPIRE ONCE AND FOR ALL!
- HA! WHERE FETCHIN' MONEY'S INVOLVED,
NOBODY TOPPLES ME.
- CONTESTANTS, READY YOUR SLEDS.
EXCUSE ME, SIR.
HOW DO YOU THINK YOU'LL DO IN THE RACE?
- HELLO OUT THERE, BIKINI BOTTOM.
I'M GLAD I CAN FINALLY TALK
TO MY ADORING FANS ON TELEVISION.
[snoring]
BEST OF LUCK TO YOU.
OH, EXCUSE ME, MISS.
ON YOUR MARK...
SO LONG, SUCKERS.
GET SET...
GO!
- COME ON, WORMIES! GIDDY-UP!
HMM.
ALONE AT LAST!
NOW THERE'S NOTHING BETWEEN ME AND THE SECRET FORMULA.
[laughs]
[cheering]
COME ON, BOYS!
GET ME TO THE GREENBACKS!
I THINK NOT, OLD MAN.
TURBO BOOST, KAREN.
[laughs]
NO!
I CAN'T LET HIM WIN!
- DON'T WORRY. HE WON'T.
I WILL.
YEE-HAW!
HI, SPONGEBOB.
HI, PATRICK.
WHERE'S YOUR SLEIGH?
I DON'T KNOW.
- HOP IN. WE'LL GIVE YOU A LIFT.
[brakes squealing]
[growling]
COME ON, GARY!
[giggles]
LOCKED?
[grunts]
GOOD THING I BROUGHT THIS ALONG.
[blade whirring]
[screaming]
OW.
I'M GONNA NEED SOMETHING WITH MORE FIREPOWER.
- WHOO-WEE!
LOOKS LIKE I LOST 'EM.
[electricity crackles]
THE REMOTE SHORTED OUT.
THE ROBOTS ARE STUCK IN HIGH GEAR.
[screams]
- THOSE DIMWITS DON'T STAND A CHANCE
AGAINST MY IMPORTED WORM.
[brakes squeal]
AHH.
HEY, WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?
OH, I BEG YOUR PUDDING.
IT'S TEA TIME, ISN'T IT?
- I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.
TEA TIME.
OF ALL THE RIDICULOUS CONCEPTS.
[screaming]
WHOA! WHOA!
AH!
both: ♪ AND WE RACE RACE RACE ♪
♪ DOWN THE SNOW SNOW SNOW ♪
WOW! LOOK AT THAT!
SQUIDWARD!
BUDDY!
HE DOESN'T LOOK SO HOT.
WE BETTER TAKE HIM WITH US.
GOOD IDEA.
[groans]
both: ♪ AND WE RACE RACE RACE ♪
♪ DOWN THE SNOW SNOW SNOW ♪
♪ AND WE RACE RACE RACE ♪
♪ DOWN THE SNOW SNOW SNOW ♪
- ♪ AND WE RA-- ♪ - [moans]
PATRICK, DID YOU HEAR THAT?
YEAH.
both: SANDY?
- [shivering] TH-TH-TH-TH-THANKS, GUYS.
- NO PROBLEM. RIGHT, GARE?
[grumbling]
- SNIFF OUT THE MONEY, LITTLE GUYS.
COME ON. MUSH.
[stomachs rumbling]
[growling]
WAIT A MINUTE.
I WAS GONNA FEED YOU, HONEST.
[barking]
all: ♪ AND WE RACE RACE RACE ♪
♪ DOWN THE SNOW SNOW SNOW ♪
- HELP! - HI, MR. KRABS.
- I'VE JUST BEEN TURNED INTO LUNCH MEAT
BY ME OWN WORMS.
[snarling]
- AH! HOP IN, SIR.
WE'LL GET YOU OUT OF HERE.
MUCH APPRECIATED, BOY.
- FASTER! - FASTER! FASTER!
FASTER! FASTER!
[groans]
[barking]
FASTER! FASTER!
[groans]
[barking]
all: FASTER!
[barking]
[grunts]
[breathing heavily]
THIS IS A DEAD END!
[barking]
[screaming]
[deep roar]
[whimpering]
[meowing]
- [cheering] - GOOD JOB, GARY!
WAY TO GO!
[deep rumbling]
- GREAT. NOW WE'RE TRAPPED.
GOOD THINKING, SQUIRREL.
THIS SHOULD KEEP US ALIVE FOR AT LEAST...
[gulps] A FEW HOURS.
OOH.
[shivering]
IT'S S-S-S-SO C-C-COLD.
[teeth chattering]
[purrs]
[shivering]
[muttering]
- HEY! HOW ABOUT A CAMPFIRE SONG?
- [growling] NO SINGING!
all: SQUIDWARD!
- ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
SOMEBODY GET ME A BLANKET.
[teeth chattering]
HEY, SQUIDWARD.
WHAT'S WITH THE EXTRA FOOT, BUDDY?
HUH?
THIS ISN'T MINE.
WHOA!
[roaring]
[screaming]
[roaring]
NOT YOU AGAIN.
- HA! SLIMY SNOW VERMIN!
YOU MISSED!
THAT WEREN'T THE ATTACK.
HUH?
HIT THE DECK!
[spitting]
[screams]
- [meowing] - GARY!
[spitting]
[screams]
OH, NO, NOT AGAIN.
SHE'S RELOADING.
NOW'S OUR CHANCE TO SCRAM.
- WHAT IS THAT FORMIDABLE CREATURE?
- THAT, ME BOY, IS NONE OTHER
THAN THE ABOMINABLE SNOW MOLLUSK.
- I THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST A MYTH.
- OH, I ASSURE YOU SHE'S NO MYTH.
SHE'S AS REAL AS SANTY CLAUS.
'TWAS BACK WHEN I WAS A YOUNG SEA CAPTAIN
SAILING THE ARCTIC SEAS
WHEN THE BEHEMOTH AND I FIRST TANGLED.
[roaring]
[gasps]
DON'T TELL ME, MR. KRABS.
YOU PEELED BACK THOSE TENTACLES
WITH YOUR BARE CLAWS.
YOU SINGLE-HANDEDLY SAVED YOUR VESSEL
FROM CERTAIN DOOM.
NO, THAT DIDN'T WORK.
SHE GULPED ME AND ME CREW DOWN
IN ONE SWIFT SWALLOW.
OH, MY.
WELL, AT LEAST YOU BRAVELY ESCAPED
TO TELL THE TALE.
- WEREN'T BRAVERY THAT GOT US OUT.
LET'S JUST SAY WE HAD TO WAIT
FOR NATURE TO TAKE ITS COURSE.
- HMM? OH!
EWW.
- I HATE TO BREAK UP STORY TIME,
BUT I'D LIKE TO NOT GET EATEN TODAY.
[roaring]
GARY, STEP ON IT!
WHOA, YEAH, GARY!
YOU ARE REALLY MOTORING NOW.
RIGHT, GUYS?
WE FORGOT SQUIDWARD!
LEFT, GARY! LEFT!
[roaring]
THERE HE IS!
PATRICK, I NEED A GOOEY WORM.
- OH, BE GENTLE. IT'S MY LAST ONE.
HOLD TIGHT, BUDDY.
[meowing]
[growling]
[roaring]
SPONGEBOB, COME ON!
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
[roaring]
MMM. NUM-NUM.
- OOH-WEE!
THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE, WASN'T IT, MR. KRABS?
HUH?
OF ALL THE HORNSWAGGLES!
THE BANDIT'S TRYING TO WEIGH US DOWN
WHILE HE MAKES OFF WITH THE PRIZE HISSELF!
[laughs]
I'D SOONER SWALLOW A JELLYFISH
THAN SHARE ME WINNINGS WITH THAT--
OH!
[electricity crackles] [muffled scream]
- WE CAN'T LET THAT DOUBLE-CROSSER BEAT US
TO THE LOOT.
FULL STEAM AHEAD AND DON'T STOP FOR NOTHING, GARY!
HEY!
[brakes squealing]
- WHAT'S THE BIG EMERGENCY, PATRICK?
I SAW SOMETHING SHINY.
- OH, WELL, LET'S JUST DROP EVERYTHING THEN.
- WELL, WAIT, SANDY, I SEE IT TOO.
IT LOOKS LIKE KAREN.
KAREN?
- I'D SAY SHE'S IN SWIFT NEED OF A REBOOT.
HEE-YA!
- YOU CAN'T STAND A CHANCE, KRABS.
HUH?
PLANKTON?
DON'T TAIL KRABS.
- POOR GUY. THE ICE IS REALLY GETTIN' TO HIM.
- THEN WE GOT TO BUST HIM OUT QUICK! I'M GONNA SIT ON HIM.
- PATRICK, NO! HE'S VERY...
[crash] FRAGILE.
KRABS...STAND.
A SIMULACRA!
- SANDY, PLEASE! LANGUAGE.
NAW, SILLY.
I'M SAYING PLANKTON SENT A ROBOTIC DUMMY IN HIS STEAD.
THAT'S RIGHT.
MY SELFISH HUSBAND REMAINS
IN WARM, SUNNY BIKINI BOTTOM
WHILE I FREEZE MY SOLDER OFF IN THIS BITTER TUNDRA.
IN FACT, THIS WHOLE RACE WAS A PLOT DEVISED BY PLANKTON.
WITH THE ENTIRE TOWN DISTRACTED,
HE'S FREE TO PURSUE THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA UNDETECTED.
- PURSUE? FORMULA?
WE GOT TO FIND MR. KRABS RIGHT NOW.
- AND EXACTLY HOW DO YOU PROPOSE WE FIND HIM?
- I SAW MR. KRABS PASS BY JUST BEFORE MY SYSTEM FAILED,
HEADING SOUTHWEST.
- WELL, WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?
YOU HEARD THE LADY, GARY.
SOUTHWEST!
MUSH! MUSH!
[laughs]
OUCH!
SO THIS SAFE IS IMPERVIOUS TO FLAME, EH?
IT SEEMS AS THOUGH I'LL HAVE TO GET
A LITTLE MORE DESTRUCTIVE!
[toy squeaks]
AHEM.
I MEANT DESTRUCTIVE!
[groans]
- THAT-A-BOY, GARY.
[screeches]
[screaming]
[sighs]
CLIFF!
[screaming]
HOLD ON, SPONGEBOB!
[gags]
WE MADE IT. HOORAY.
RIGHT, SQUIDWARD?
- [gasps] OH, MY GOSH!
PATRICK, LEAN TO THE OTHER SIDE.
EXCUSE ME, MA'AM.
WHAT?
GOTCHA.
- HEY, SANDY, HAVE YOU GIVEN
ANY THOUGHT TO HOW WE'RE GONNA--
OW!
LAND?
[roaring]
FIRE IN THE HOLE!
[explosion]
RATS.
[all shivering]
- ALL RIGHT, FELLAS, I KNOW IT'S COLD,
BUT LET'S JUST PUSH FORWARD AND KEEP A LOOKOUT
FOR FROZEN CRAB.
- I CAN'T FEEL MY LOOKING HOLES!
- THE ONLY THING I CAN FEEL IS MY EMPTY STOMACH.
[stomach growls]
YOU SAID IT, SPONGEBOB.
I ALREADY GNAWED THROUGH ALL MY PROVISIONS.
I'M GETTING TO THE POINT WHERE I COULD EAT JUST ABOUT ANYTHING.
MMM.
SPONGE-KEBAB.
OOH!
HEY, PATRICK, YOU GOT ANY MORE OF THEM GOOEY WORMS ON YOU?
I WISH I DID.
I LOST MY LAST ONE TO THAT MONSTER
AND NOW I'M SO HUNGRY.
WELL, AT LEAST I STILL HAVE THESE JELLYBEANS
TO HOLD ME OVER.
HEY!
IS THIS TAXI EVEN MOVING?
[shivering]
COME ON, GARY!
- [gasps] GARY!
OH, YOU POOR FELLA.
WE PUSHED YOU TOO HARD, DIDN'T WE?
SORRY, BUDDY.
I WON'T MAKE YOU TOW ANOTHER INCH.
- GREAT. NOW WE'RE STUCK.
NO, WE'RE NOT.
AH--
HELLO. WHAT'S THIS?
[gasps]
LOOK!
ONE OF MR. KRABS' SAILOR TATTOOS.
IT MUST HAVE FROZEN OFF OF HIS BRITTLE BODY.
- WE MUST BE HEADED IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.
[laughs]
[electronic beeping]
SECRET FORMULA, YOU ARE MINE!
PERHAPS I MISJUDGED THE SCALE ON THAT ONE.
OH!
THAT DOES IT!
LISTEN UP, SAFE.
I WILL SPILL YOUR CONTENTS
EVEN IF I HAVE TO TEAR YOU APART...
[grunts] BIT BY BIT!
EH!
MOLECULE BY MOLECULE!
ATOM BY ATOM!
UH-OH.
[grunts]
OH, CERTAINLY THE SAFE COULDN'T SURVIVE
NUCLEAR DETONATION.
COME TO PAPA!
[laughs]
[grunting]
[snoring]
OH! HEY!
I'M TRYING TO SLEEP.
MR. KRABS!
HE AIN'T LOOKING SO GOOD.
WE BETTER GET HIM IN THE SLEIGH, SPONGEBOB.
SPONGEBOB!
HE DONE FROZE UP TOO.
[gasps]
- AH! WHAT?
YOU'RE BURNING THE SLEIGH?
ARE YOU AWARE THAT THAT WAS OUR ONLY MODE OF TRANSPORTATION?
- AND ARE YOU AWARE THAT I JUST SAVED YOUR LIFE?
[groans]
THE RACE! THE MILLION CLAMS!
[gasps] I'VE BEEN TRAPPED IN ICE.
MUTINOUS THIEVES TRYING TO CHEAT ME OUT OF ME WINNINGS.
OH, COOL DOWN.
THERE ARE NO WINNINGS.
- YOU'VE BEEN DUPED. - DUPED?
YOU DON'T MEAN BY--
- NOW YOU'RE PUTTING IT TOGETHER.
- [gasps] ME FORMULA!
WE GOT TO GET BACK TO BIKINI BOTTOM!
- WE MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE A CHANCE OF GETTING BACK
IF WE HAD A SLEIGH.
- WE'RE DOOMED. [sobbing]
NO, WE'RE NOT, MR. KRABS.
YOUR CHARIOT AWAITS.
- NO OFFENSE, BUT WE'RE NOT GONNA CATCH PLANKTON
MOVING AT A SNAIL'S PACE.
- JUST LEAVE THAT TO THE SCIENTIST OF THE GROUP.
OH, GEEZ!
WHY DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING?
[laughs]
SHE'S ALL FIRED UP.
- GARY, MR. KRABS, ANY HAZARDS ON THE HORIZON?
LOOKING CLEAR SO FAR!
- SQUIDWARD, KEEP THOSE CIRCUITS WARM.
PATRICK, HANG ON!
HOORAY! WE MADE IT!
OKAY.
THEN WHERE'S ME RESTAURANT?
PERHAPS OVER THERE.
[gasps]
AND WHERE'S ME FORMULA?
PERHAPS OVER THERE.
THE CHUM BUCKET...
"NOW SERVING KRABBY PATTIES"?
WE'RE TOO LATE!
- WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT, BOY-O.
- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
YOU CAN'T CUT IN LINE!
WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR A KRABBY PATTY
FOR THREE STINKIN' DAYS!
THIS WILL ONLY TAKE A MINUTE.
- KEEP YOUR PANTS ON OUT THERE!
I'LL GET YOUR KRABBY PATTIES JUST AS SOON
AS I GET THIS BOTTLE OPEN!
- NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY AND/OR DO ABOUT IT.
KRABS!
WHY AREN'T YOU FROZEN UNDER THE BARREN TUNDRA?
- I GUESS I DIDN'T WANT TO MISS
THE BIG UNVEILING OF MY SANDWICH!
- WELL, IT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED
IF I COULD HAVE DISLODGED THIS STUPID CORK.
OH, THAT'S EASY.
all: PATRICK!
- [chuckles] I GOT IT NOW, KRABSY!
- THAT MAY BE TRUE, PLANKTON,
BUT YOU GOT SEVEN ANGRY CUSTOMERS
FLANKING YOU ON ALL SIDES.
- UH, WELL, I'M SURE MY LOVING WIFE
IS NOT A PARTY TO THIS ANGRY MOB.
YOU GOT TO HELP ME HERE, KAREN.
"YOU GOT TO HELP ME."
MY MONITOR NEARLY FROZE UP FOR GOOD
ON YOUR LITTLE RACE TO OBLIVION.
- BABES, DON'T BLOW AN OP AMP OVER THIS.
COME ON.
YOWZAH!
OW, THAT HURT ON SO MANY LEVELS.
OKAY, I GIVE UP.
YOU WIN AGAIN, KRABS.
AND HAND OVER ME FORMULA.
OKAY, EUGENE.
I'LL JUST SIGN THE SURRENDER TREATY FIRST.
OOH, HERE I GO.
[laughs]
OUTSMARTED YOU AGAIN, EH, FOOLS?
[laughs]
- YOU GET BACK HERE, PLANKTON!
HERE WE GO AGAIN.
GIVE UP NOW AND I'LL LET YOU KEEP
ONE OF YOUR ANTENNAE!
- I'D BE DELIGHTED TO SEE YOU TRY!
OOH! YOU'RE SO CLOSE.
SO LONG, SUCKERS!
- HUH? [all gasp]
[laughs]
WE'RE TRAPPED.
THAT'S RIGHT, KRABS.
AND IF YOU'RE THINKING OF BUSTING OUT,
MIND THE GIANT VAT OF FRY GREASE BENEATH YOU.
- HE'S GONNA TURN US INTO FRIED SNACKS.
GOT ANY DIPPING SAUCE?
- A LITTLE TASTE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE,
EH, KRABCAKES?
[roaring]
NUM-NUM!
- NUM-NUM?
- NUM-NUM!
[screaming]
NUM-NUM!
- NO, WAIT, BIG SCARY MONSTER!
DON'T EAT PATRICK. EAT ME.
I'M PACKED WITH NUTRIENTS.
- NO! EAT ME!
DON'T EAT ME!
EAT SQUIDWARD!
- WAIT. WHAT?
[shudders]
- NUM-NUM!
MMM.
- SHE LOVES YOUR JELLYBEANS, PATRICK.
- I'D BETTER GO WHILE THE GOING'S GOOD.
JELLYBEAN!
- I CAN PRACTICALLY TASTE THOSE KRABBY PATTIES NOW.
[grunts]
[screams]
- HEY, MR. KRABS, WHAT HAPPENS TO PLANKTON?
- HE'LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT FOR NATURE
TO TAKE ITS COURSE.
[laughs]
[belches]
- WELL, I SUPPOSE DEAR OLD DAD WAS RIGHT.
I SHOULD HAVE MINORED IN BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION.
[toilet flushing]