1 00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:06,672 PICARD: Captain's log, stardate 42402.7 2 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,508 We are traveling in the Omega Sagitta System 3 00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:14,138 traversing between twin planets that form the coalition of Madena. 4 00:00:14,305 --> 00:00:16,807 Both worlds are populated by a humanoid race 5 00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:19,768 which colonized the planets two centuries ago 6 00:00:19,936 --> 00:00:23,689 and which now coexist under a precarious but successful treaty. 7 00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:24,940 [COMPUTER BEEPING] 8 00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:27,860 Unidentified vessel approaching. 9 00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:32,156 [COMPUTER BEEPING] 10 00:00:34,117 --> 00:00:37,286 Sensor readings show it to be a small Class Nine vessel. 11 00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:39,955 Probably an interplanetary cargo ship. 12 00:00:40,915 --> 00:00:42,791 One life sign aboard, sir. 13 00:00:42,959 --> 00:00:45,794 It appears to be humanoid. 14 00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:49,131 - I have its call sign now, sir. WORF: Confirmed. 15 00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:51,842 Armed with lasers only. 16 00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:53,761 Its cargo holds are empty. 17 00:00:53,928 --> 00:00:57,014 The readout shows its guidance system is malfunctioning. 18 00:00:57,182 --> 00:01:00,309 The pilot is attempting to hold course manually. 19 00:01:00,518 --> 00:01:03,145 I recommend we set the Enterprise on an intercept course 20 00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:05,022 in case he needs emergency assistance. 21 00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:06,774 Make it so, Mr. Crusher. 22 00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:08,776 [COMPUTER BEEPS] 23 00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:29,630 We are in position now, captain. 24 00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:31,340 Open hailing frequencies. 25 00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:34,676 - Hailing frequencies open. - On viewer. 26 00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:37,846 This is the U.S.S. Enterprise. Captain Jean-Luc Picard. 27 00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:40,349 OKONA: And this is the cargo carrier Erstwhile. 28 00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:42,810 Captain Okona at your service, sir. 29 00:01:42,977 --> 00:01:45,020 There's no need for your phasers, captain. 30 00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:48,482 I'm harmless and not quite yet ready for a mercy killing. 31 00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:50,859 You were never considered a danger, captain. 32 00:01:51,027 --> 00:01:55,781 Oh, that's a shame. I can remember when I was at least considered a risk. 33 00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:59,451 I'm the owner and operator of this craft, 34 00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:02,121 and since we both know that you've already scanned it, 35 00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:03,664 you know I'm alone and empty. 36 00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:08,752 Which is truly a rare occasion for a man of my charm and talent. 37 00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:10,379 Mute main viewer. 38 00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:13,340 - Counselor? TROI: His emotions suggest 39 00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:18,178 he's mischievous, irreverent, and somewhat brazen. 40 00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:22,641 The word that seems to best describe him is rogue. 41 00:02:23,601 --> 00:02:25,102 Rogue? 42 00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:29,773 Ah. Cad, knave, rake, rascal, villain, wild elephant— 43 00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:33,944 Yes, Data, but there is no malevolence or ill will. 44 00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:39,324 Audio on. Do you have a burnout in your guidance system, captain? 45 00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:42,828 Whoa. Since you're able to diagnose my problems, 46 00:02:43,037 --> 00:02:44,413 how about helping me fix them? 47 00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:48,917 Captain, we can easily repair the type of system he uses. 48 00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:51,253 We can accommodate you, captain. 49 00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:54,590 This is the First Officer. If you prepare to shut down your engines, 50 00:02:54,757 --> 00:02:56,884 we can lock on the tractor and beam you here. 51 00:02:57,051 --> 00:03:00,179 Sir, recommend limited access to our ship. 52 00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:02,472 PICARD: Agreed. - Data, lock on the tractor beam. 53 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,808 Transporter Chief, prepare to beam him aboard. 54 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,518 ROBINSON: Ready on your command, sir. 55 00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:10,898 Excuse me, commander, is that a woman's voice I hear? 56 00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:16,153 Yes. Now please follow Commander Riker's instructions 57 00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:18,739 so our ship can get back to its normal routine. 58 00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:20,699 OKONA: Whatever you say, captain. 59 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:22,576 Something funny? 60 00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:26,163 Well, the unexpected is our normal routine. 61 00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:48,185 PICARD: Space. 62 00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:50,938 The final frontier. 63 00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:55,400 These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. 64 00:03:55,568 --> 00:04:00,781 Its continuing mission to explore strange new worlds 65 00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:05,744 to seek out new life and new civilizations. 66 00:04:06,162 --> 00:04:10,457 To boldly go where no one has gone before. 67 00:05:11,185 --> 00:05:13,103 Hold it steady, Wesley. 68 00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:16,148 - Ready to link up on my command. - Aye, sir. 69 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:19,860 Easy, easy. 70 00:05:25,199 --> 00:05:26,408 Engage. 71 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:32,956 Captain Okona, shut down your engines. 72 00:05:33,124 --> 00:05:34,583 OKONA: Understood. - Transporter Room, 73 00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:36,543 prepare for the beaming. We're on our way. 74 00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:39,004 Wesley, Data, let's go. 75 00:05:54,562 --> 00:05:56,480 Your weapons, please. 76 00:05:57,690 --> 00:06:00,317 A Klingon security officer? 77 00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:01,526 WORF: Yes. 78 00:06:01,694 --> 00:06:03,862 No wars available, eh? 79 00:06:14,248 --> 00:06:18,085 It's more a piece of jewelry than a weapon. A remembrance. 80 00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:25,467 Welcome aboard, Captain Okona. I'm Commander Riker. 81 00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:27,719 If you'll turn over the inoperative part to Commander Data, 82 00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:28,970 we can begin repairs. 83 00:06:29,138 --> 00:06:31,473 I'd be most happy to do the work myself, commander. 84 00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:33,642 I'm sort of the hands-on type. 85 00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:36,812 I think you'd find the tools we use rather unusual, sir. 86 00:06:36,979 --> 00:06:39,981 I can believe that. May I at least watch? 87 00:06:40,858 --> 00:06:42,984 - That can be arranged. - Good, then. 88 00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:46,071 Commander, I leave this in your capable hands. 89 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:49,825 Sir, this is Commander Data. I'm just an Acting Ensign. 90 00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:52,369 Well, Acting Ensigns have names, don't they? 91 00:06:53,538 --> 00:06:55,247 Wesley. Wesley Crusher. 92 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:58,458 Nice to meet you, Acting Ensign, Wesley, Wesley Crusher. 93 00:07:01,879 --> 00:07:03,380 And thank you 94 00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:08,885 for beaming me here and enabling me to see a truly beautiful woman. 95 00:07:09,053 --> 00:07:11,513 You have the majestic carriage and loveliness 96 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:15,100 that could surely be traced back to the noblest families. 97 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:20,063 Well, I'm sure you've said that to many ladies before 98 00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:22,607 and it was no more true then than it is now. 99 00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:26,027 But it's how I say it that's really important. 100 00:07:26,195 --> 00:07:27,612 The warmth, 101 00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:31,032 the attraction that I have for you. 102 00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:34,911 The attraction that we share. 103 00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:42,127 Mr. Okona appears to have excellent vision, 104 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,296 as well as a healthy libido. 105 00:07:44,505 --> 00:07:45,755 [TALKING INDISTINCTLY] 106 00:07:45,923 --> 00:07:46,965 RIKER: Captain Okona, 107 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:51,136 if you follow Commander Data, you can get started right away. 108 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,475 [SIGHS] 109 00:08:00,104 --> 00:08:02,856 Now, that's sex appeal. 110 00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:06,943 Sexual attraction in this context is not a part of my programming. 111 00:08:07,111 --> 00:08:09,070 I am an android. 112 00:08:10,781 --> 00:08:14,951 Well, then, have you seen any good-looking computers lately? 113 00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:20,790 That's a joke. It's funny. 114 00:08:21,417 --> 00:08:24,044 Oh. Of course it is. 115 00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:26,463 [LAUGHING] 116 00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:37,516 - Will that do what the original did? - It sure will. And better. 117 00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:38,934 Let me show you. 118 00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:42,312 On your old one here, the Zelebium contacts wore down and then fused. 119 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:46,900 Now what I've done is replace them with Tricellite. 120 00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:50,278 Tricellite isn't available in this system if I ever had to replace it. 121 00:08:50,446 --> 00:08:53,490 Don't worry, you won't. Your ship will never outlast this part. 122 00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:55,784 Because of the part or the way I fly my ship? 123 00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:56,952 [LAUGHING] 124 00:08:57,119 --> 00:08:59,412 Well, this part. But the stress test did show 125 00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:03,917 that you tend to push your ship a little beyond its designed capabilities. 126 00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:06,836 Blame the pattern of my life, Lieutenant La Forge. 127 00:09:07,004 --> 00:09:09,214 Because it relegates me to cargo carrying 128 00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:12,092 rather than the grand explorations you enjoy, 129 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:15,929 I am forced to add a measure of flamboyancy and zest 130 00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:18,807 to the doldrums of my existence. 131 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:27,440 - Have you ever been cold? - No. 132 00:09:27,608 --> 00:09:30,735 - Warm then? - No. 133 00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:33,989 - What about drunk, ever do that? - From alcohol? 134 00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:36,992 - That is not possible for me, sir. - Pity. 135 00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:38,952 What about love? 136 00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:43,415 - The act or the emotion? - They're both the same. 137 00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:46,501 I believe that statement to be inaccurate, sir. 138 00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:49,462 Maybe. 139 00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:51,548 Life 140 00:09:51,882 --> 00:09:55,343 is like loading twice your cargo weight onto your spacecraft. 141 00:09:55,511 --> 00:09:56,886 If it's canaries, 142 00:09:57,054 --> 00:10:00,515 and you can keep half of them flying all the time. 143 00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:03,310 You're all right. 144 00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:06,313 I doubt that statement is entirely accurate either, sir. 145 00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:09,357 Accurate? That was a joke I just told you. 146 00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:12,152 I do not understand. 147 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,071 - You don't know what a joke is? - Of course I do. 148 00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:18,033 It is a witticism, a gag, a bon mot, 149 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,702 a fluctuation of words concluding with a trick ending. 150 00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:24,039 That's the dictionary meaning. I'm talking about humor, fun. 151 00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:25,874 Do you know what funny is? 152 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:30,837 Where is 806? 153 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,382 Right over there, sir. Why? 154 00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:38,845 You probably wouldn't understand that either. 155 00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:48,772 ROBINSON: Hello, there. 156 00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:13,588 - Status on the repair? - Working on it. 157 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:17,467 Commander, what do you think of Captain Okona? 158 00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:20,970 Well, Okona is an interesting man certainly. 159 00:11:21,138 --> 00:11:23,223 We've seen how he handles his ship. 160 00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:25,934 Apparently he knows how to handle people as well. 161 00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:27,435 Then why does he work alone? 162 00:11:27,603 --> 00:11:30,438 He's a man who lives his life by his own rules. 163 00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:34,150 He does what he does by choice, by his choice. 164 00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:36,778 Someday you'll make yours. 165 00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:39,572 I already have. 166 00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:51,710 So you agree with Okona that I am missing a very important human factor. 167 00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:56,548 I never said that. I simply said that I've never seen you laugh. 168 00:11:56,716 --> 00:12:01,511 I am capable of that function, when it is expected of me. 169 00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:05,932 Data, do you even know what a joke is? 170 00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:09,894 Of course I do. It is a witticism, a gag, a bon mot, 171 00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:11,730 - a fluctuation— - Stop. 172 00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:14,149 Look, there's just you and I here. 173 00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:17,193 We're talking, we're having an intimate conversation. 174 00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:21,656 Why? Because you're a droid and I'm a noid. 175 00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:24,242 - But why? - Because that's what I am. 176 00:12:25,202 --> 00:12:28,663 - Have I said something to offend you? - No. 177 00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:30,248 Then why are you annoyed? 178 00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:37,297 Because you're a droid and I'm a noid. 179 00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:40,800 - Humanoid. - Yes. 180 00:12:40,968 --> 00:12:42,343 - You told a joke? - Yes. 181 00:12:42,511 --> 00:12:44,679 - I am not laughing. - Yes. 182 00:12:46,557 --> 00:12:49,851 - Perhaps the joke was not funny. - No. The joke was funny. 183 00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:51,311 It's you, Data. 184 00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,856 - Are you sure? - Yes. 185 00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:57,859 I agree. What do I do? 186 00:12:58,652 --> 00:13:02,197 Well, under normal circumstances, I'd say seek a higher power. 187 00:13:02,364 --> 00:13:06,159 But in your case, probably a smarter computer is in order. 188 00:13:12,666 --> 00:13:16,211 Computer, I wish to know more about humor. 189 00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:21,049 Why certain combinations of words and actions make humans laugh. 190 00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:24,052 COMPUTER: Source material on that subject is extensive. 191 00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:25,553 Please specify. 192 00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:30,350 Animated presentation, humanoid, interaction required. 193 00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:33,812 Physical humor, cerebral or general raconteur? 194 00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:39,067 Of all performers available, who's considered the funniest? 195 00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:41,236 Twenty third century, Stan Orega, 196 00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:44,531 specialized in jokes about quantum mathematics. 197 00:13:44,698 --> 00:13:47,116 No. Too esoteric. 198 00:13:47,284 --> 00:13:50,411 - More generic. - Accessing. 199 00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:56,000 That one. 200 00:13:56,168 --> 00:14:03,132 - RW96321, 20th century. - Program complete. You may enter. 201 00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:18,857 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much. 202 00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:21,776 You've been great. I'd like to take you all home with me. 203 00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:24,696 Unfortunately, I took the last audience home and there's no more room. 204 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:28,074 Heh. Buh-bum. But thank you, really, thank you. 205 00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:30,869 And thank you for bringing me here. What's up? 206 00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:34,038 Mr. Comic, I wish to know what is funny. 207 00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:38,418 Funny? I don't know. It's a matter of opinion, I guess. 208 00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,587 Tip O'Neill in a dress. 209 00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:44,090 Some people say words that end with a K are funny. 210 00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:47,719 A briefcase that looks like a fish. Personally, I find that hysterical. 211 00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:51,222 Tip O'Neill. Accessing. 212 00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:58,813 Twentieth century male, politician, overweight, wearing female clothing. 213 00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:01,900 Carrying a valise that looks like a fish. 214 00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:08,823 So the juxtaposition of gender and an amphibian briefcase is funny. 215 00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:12,869 Well, I think whatever makes you laugh is funny. 216 00:15:16,373 --> 00:15:18,917 Nothing makes me laugh. I wish to learn. 217 00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:21,628 Well, how much time do we have here? 218 00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:24,464 - Unlimited. - We're gonna need it. 219 00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:28,885 - Because you, pal, are a tough room. - Tough room? 220 00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:34,140 Ah. A colloquialism meaning a severe, rigid, close-minded audience. 221 00:15:34,308 --> 00:15:38,019 I understand. I will attempt to be an easy room. 222 00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:42,523 - Show me what is funny. - All right, you're on. Uh... 223 00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:45,944 Jerry Lewis. Jerry Lewis. 224 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,491 [IMITATES JERRY LEWIS YELLING] 225 00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:54,243 [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] 226 00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:56,871 Ooh. Ooh, ah. 227 00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,790 Mr. Robot, would you like to come up— 228 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,376 - I'm an android. - Oh, I'm terribly sorry. 229 00:16:01,543 --> 00:16:03,795 Mr. Android, here, teeth. Put them in your mouth. 230 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,089 Come, come up, Mr... Where did he go? 231 00:16:06,256 --> 00:16:08,883 Where, where did... Mr. What, Mr. And— 232 00:16:09,051 --> 00:16:12,679 Here, try if you would. We go... We do... Hah. 233 00:16:13,097 --> 00:16:14,222 - Ha. - No. 234 00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:15,431 - Hai-ee. - Ha-hai. 235 00:16:15,599 --> 00:16:17,558 - Ahh! Ahh! - Hai! Hai! 236 00:16:17,726 --> 00:16:19,519 [BOTH GRUNTING] 237 00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:23,731 [MUMBLING] 238 00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:26,776 That is considered to... 239 00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:29,988 That is considered to be funny? 240 00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:32,407 Actually it brought the house down in Teaneck. 241 00:16:32,574 --> 00:16:34,575 Ah. A word that ends in K. 242 00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:37,537 So if you put funny teeth in your mouth 243 00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:41,916 and jump around like an idiot, that is considered funny. 244 00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:44,627 - I'm sorry, I didn't get your name. - Data. 245 00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:48,172 Data, look, did you ever consider juggling, 246 00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:52,218 - weird bird calls, something like that? - That does not apply. 247 00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:55,054 I simply want to know what is funny. 248 00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:58,683 I want to involve myself in other peoples' laughter. 249 00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,685 I wish to join in. 250 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,145 Well, I think that's nice. 251 00:17:02,312 --> 00:17:04,689 Let's put the physical stuff aside for a while. 252 00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,733 And we'll do some jokes. 253 00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:09,444 Not my forte, but I think that would work for you. 254 00:17:09,611 --> 00:17:13,698 If you would just have a seat and we'll try some jokes like, I don't know, 255 00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,491 we'll start with the classics. 256 00:17:15,659 --> 00:17:17,368 See, there's a traveling salesman, 257 00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:18,995 he's going down the road, his car breaks down. 258 00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:20,580 Access faster. 259 00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:22,165 [SPEAKING RAPIDLY] It's probably best when you do something like this, 260 00:17:22,332 --> 00:17:23,708 you need a little cigar. Because it's, kind of, a prop, 261 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,251 kind of thing, you got to go like this... 262 00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:28,046 Faster. Move to maximum speed. 263 00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:30,298 [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] 264 00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:42,769 A guy walks into the doctor's office. 265 00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:45,063 The doctor tells him, "You need an operation." 266 00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:47,065 The guy says, "l want a second opinion". 267 00:17:47,274 --> 00:17:50,068 The doctor says, "Okay, you're ugly too." Buh-dum-boom. 268 00:17:52,696 --> 00:17:55,406 - Wasn't that funny? - No. 269 00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:06,667 Data, you spoiled the joke. 270 00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,878 I mean, it could have been your timing. 271 00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:10,880 My timing is digital. 272 00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:12,673 [CHUCKLES] 273 00:18:12,841 --> 00:18:14,258 What? 274 00:18:15,302 --> 00:18:17,804 - That's funny. - Why? 275 00:18:19,014 --> 00:18:22,225 It would take too long to explain. Tell me another joke. 276 00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:26,896 A monk, a clone and a Ferengi decided to go bowling together— 277 00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:29,857 PICARD: Commander Data, report to the Main Bridge immediately. 278 00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,194 DATA: I will be back. 279 00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:37,615 Bring new jokes. 280 00:18:43,997 --> 00:18:47,458 We have an unidentified at twelve-mark-four. 281 00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:52,171 No response to our inquiries. 282 00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:55,508 Extend hailing frequencies, all languages, all channels. 283 00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:56,717 WORF: Extending. 284 00:18:56,885 --> 00:18:59,595 DATA: Sensors show it to be an interplanetary vessel, sir. 285 00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:04,517 - Class Seven. Crew complement, 26. WORF: Still no response. 286 00:19:24,788 --> 00:19:26,247 [COMPUTER BEEPING] 287 00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:30,293 Captain, they are now locking lasers on us. 288 00:19:31,086 --> 00:19:32,712 - Lasers? WORF: Yes, sir. 289 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,214 Lasers can't even penetrate our navigation shields. 290 00:19:35,382 --> 00:19:36,632 Don't they know that? 291 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,886 Regulations do call for a Yellow Alert. 292 00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:42,847 Hmm. Very old regulation. 293 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:46,559 Well, make it so, Number One. And reduce speed. 294 00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:48,853 Drop main shields as well. 295 00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:51,147 May I ask why, sir? 296 00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:54,734 In case we decide to surrender to them, Number One. 297 00:19:58,947 --> 00:20:00,489 [GROWLS] 298 00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:10,583 Still no response to our hail, sir. 299 00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:13,920 It is slowing and holding its position, captain. 300 00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:17,465 Sir, we are now being hailed. 301 00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:19,258 Viewer on. 302 00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:21,302 [COMPUTER BEEPS] 303 00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:25,306 Federation vessel, you have no rights in this solar system. 304 00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:27,099 I am Debin of Planet Atlec, 305 00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:30,436 ordering you to heave to and prepare to be boarded. 306 00:20:31,980 --> 00:20:35,608 Shades of Gulliver's Travels. He actually meant it. 307 00:20:35,776 --> 00:20:39,445 But he is right. We are in their solar system. 308 00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:44,075 - Open a channel. - Open, sir. 309 00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:48,829 I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the U.S.S. Enterprise. 310 00:20:48,997 --> 00:20:51,916 For what reason have you locked your weapons on us? 311 00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:55,503 Enterprise, you are towing the spacecraft of a known criminal. 312 00:20:57,798 --> 00:21:01,926 He was in need of emergency repair. It was our obligation to assist. 313 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:06,639 You have a man aboard by the name of Okona. I want him. 314 00:21:07,474 --> 00:21:08,599 On what authority? 315 00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:11,560 He is guilty of crimes committed on the Planet Atlec. 316 00:21:11,728 --> 00:21:15,856 I expect him to be turned over to my authority immediately. 317 00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:18,693 Mute. 318 00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:22,363 - What do you think, counselor? - He believes what he's saying. 319 00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,073 His anger is genuine. 320 00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:27,493 Open. 321 00:21:31,206 --> 00:21:32,915 What crimes are you referring to? 322 00:21:33,083 --> 00:21:37,211 Neither important nor necessary. I want Okona now! 323 00:21:37,379 --> 00:21:40,256 Captain, we have another Class Seven armed spacecraft 324 00:21:40,424 --> 00:21:42,508 approaching from the opposite sector. 325 00:21:43,176 --> 00:21:44,719 Another ship from Atlec? 326 00:21:44,886 --> 00:21:47,346 Similar in specifications and capabilities, 327 00:21:47,514 --> 00:21:51,058 but a variation in markings and hailing language. 328 00:21:51,226 --> 00:21:53,936 Debin, hold this position. Viewer off. 329 00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:57,606 Data, identify. 330 00:21:57,774 --> 00:22:02,236 Sensors indicate it's a security vessel from the Planet Straleb. 331 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:05,448 Another glob fly. 332 00:22:06,533 --> 00:22:07,700 Glob fly? 333 00:22:07,868 --> 00:22:10,745 A Klingon fly, half the size of an Earth mosquito, 334 00:22:10,912 --> 00:22:14,040 with no sting and buzzing sound like this, mm— 335 00:22:14,207 --> 00:22:17,126 Data, viewer on. Hailing frequencies. 336 00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:18,419 Open, sir. 337 00:22:19,296 --> 00:22:21,088 I am Secretary Kushell 338 00:22:21,256 --> 00:22:24,133 from the Legation of Unity of the Planet Straleb. 339 00:22:24,301 --> 00:22:26,177 I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard. 340 00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:29,138 We know who you are, Captain Picard. 341 00:22:29,306 --> 00:22:31,265 We've been monitoring your communications 342 00:22:31,433 --> 00:22:35,561 and we know of the demands made by Debin of the Planet Atlec. 343 00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:39,148 Then you're aware that we have no hostile intentions. 344 00:22:39,316 --> 00:22:42,651 You only have to concede to one demand. 345 00:22:43,987 --> 00:22:47,114 That word demand has a tone of finality. 346 00:22:47,282 --> 00:22:50,242 It is a word I have chosen. 347 00:22:50,702 --> 00:22:54,997 We demand that you turn Okona over to us immediately. 348 00:22:57,376 --> 00:22:58,417 Mute. 349 00:22:58,627 --> 00:23:01,420 Mr. Okona, to the bridge immediately. 350 00:23:01,588 --> 00:23:03,130 Open. 351 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,968 The same demand has been made by the Atlec legation. 352 00:23:08,387 --> 00:23:10,763 I have no interest in their request. 353 00:23:10,931 --> 00:23:14,517 But we intend to back up our legal rights to Okona. 354 00:23:15,268 --> 00:23:19,021 I would rather not escalate this situation any further. 355 00:23:19,189 --> 00:23:21,440 Our honor and prestige are at stake. 356 00:23:21,608 --> 00:23:23,317 We are prepared to take Okona by force 357 00:23:23,485 --> 00:23:26,112 and die in the doing of it, if necessary. 358 00:23:26,279 --> 00:23:30,491 I trust that that can be avoided. 359 00:23:31,284 --> 00:23:34,495 I will respond to your request shortly. Viewer off. 360 00:23:36,623 --> 00:23:38,958 Captain Okona has not responded, sir. 361 00:23:39,126 --> 00:23:42,128 He's been reported in three different crew quarters. 362 00:23:42,295 --> 00:23:43,671 Find him. Get him up here. 363 00:23:44,172 --> 00:23:46,006 Yes, sir. 364 00:24:09,656 --> 00:24:12,241 You will come with me to the Main Bridge. 365 00:24:13,201 --> 00:24:15,536 I'm sure it can wait a few minutes. 366 00:24:18,790 --> 00:24:20,291 Now! 367 00:24:30,093 --> 00:24:32,636 I'd like that 368 00:24:35,807 --> 00:24:38,058 but I have my orders. 369 00:24:39,227 --> 00:24:41,061 Some other time. 370 00:24:45,609 --> 00:24:48,611 Remember what it took to drag me from your arms. 371 00:25:07,672 --> 00:25:09,965 Am I going to meet Captain Picard? 372 00:25:10,133 --> 00:25:11,217 [WORF CHUCKLES] 373 00:25:11,384 --> 00:25:14,678 - Definitely. - I say something funny? 374 00:25:25,857 --> 00:25:31,529 Captain Picard, this is Thadiun Okona. 375 00:25:34,950 --> 00:25:37,117 Mr. Okona, you were welcomed aboard 376 00:25:37,285 --> 00:25:39,286 without any undue investigation. 377 00:25:39,454 --> 00:25:43,332 In turn, it was assumed that you did not come under false pretenses. 378 00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:45,251 It now seems that you may have done 379 00:25:45,961 --> 00:25:47,044 Heh. Captain, 380 00:25:47,212 --> 00:25:50,714 if you mean my "socializing" with the members of the crew. 381 00:25:51,341 --> 00:25:53,092 PICARD: Mr. Okona, 382 00:25:53,260 --> 00:25:56,095 you are free to socialize with the members of my crew. 383 00:25:57,264 --> 00:25:59,598 I'm talking about a man named Debin. 384 00:26:00,725 --> 00:26:03,477 He's from Atlec. I've had dealings with some of his family. 385 00:26:03,645 --> 00:26:06,689 Then perhaps you can explain why his craft is threatening 386 00:26:06,856 --> 00:26:10,067 to attack us unless I give him custody of you. 387 00:26:10,235 --> 00:26:11,360 I can't. 388 00:26:12,279 --> 00:26:15,239 Then tell me why Kushell of the Planet Straleb 389 00:26:15,407 --> 00:26:18,617 - is demanding the same thing. - He's here also? 390 00:26:18,868 --> 00:26:22,162 Mm-hm. And quite adamant. 391 00:26:22,914 --> 00:26:26,625 Mr. Okona, what crimes are you accused of? 392 00:26:27,794 --> 00:26:30,212 I am not a criminal. 393 00:26:30,380 --> 00:26:31,797 Why do these men want you? 394 00:26:32,007 --> 00:26:33,299 Uh... 395 00:26:34,342 --> 00:26:36,093 I can't say. 396 00:26:36,761 --> 00:26:39,054 They are threatening to attack the Enterprise. 397 00:26:39,222 --> 00:26:41,140 They'd be crazy. They wouldn't stand a chance. 398 00:26:41,308 --> 00:26:42,725 Right! 399 00:26:45,478 --> 00:26:50,316 So you can offer no reason, why they are 400 00:26:50,483 --> 00:26:52,860 set on this provocative course? 401 00:26:55,530 --> 00:26:58,115 I can't think of one right now. 402 00:26:58,617 --> 00:27:00,200 On viewer. 403 00:27:00,660 --> 00:27:03,287 - Which ship? - What? Uh... 404 00:27:03,455 --> 00:27:05,998 The first one. Captain Debin. 405 00:27:07,167 --> 00:27:11,795 Captain, let me ask you again. What are Okona's crimes? 406 00:27:11,963 --> 00:27:13,839 That is not your concern. 407 00:27:14,007 --> 00:27:16,508 It is if you wish me to release him to you. 408 00:27:16,676 --> 00:27:19,178 All right. You want to know what he did? 409 00:27:19,346 --> 00:27:22,014 You want to know why I have chased him across this system? 410 00:27:22,182 --> 00:27:24,850 All right, here. This is his crime. 411 00:27:29,564 --> 00:27:32,149 He dishonored my daughter. He took advantage of her. 412 00:27:32,317 --> 00:27:35,444 Then he ran off and left her carrying his bastard child. 413 00:27:35,612 --> 00:27:38,030 He'll return. And he'll do the right thing 414 00:27:38,490 --> 00:27:41,533 or I'll hunt him to the ends of the galaxy. 415 00:27:46,247 --> 00:27:47,873 PICARD: Captain's log supplemental. 416 00:27:48,041 --> 00:27:51,627 Some of the mystery surrounding this ancient morality play 417 00:27:51,795 --> 00:27:54,046 we've been dragged into has been revealed. 418 00:27:54,214 --> 00:27:58,425 One of Captain Okona's pursuers is an outraged father with a heartfelt, 419 00:27:58,593 --> 00:28:01,428 if arcane, sense of righteousness. 420 00:28:01,596 --> 00:28:03,138 Your advice, Counselor. 421 00:28:04,182 --> 00:28:07,851 We are dealing with ancient codes involving procreation. 422 00:28:08,019 --> 00:28:10,187 While they may appear meaningless to us, 423 00:28:10,355 --> 00:28:12,523 to Debin they represent his honor. 424 00:28:12,691 --> 00:28:15,651 He will fight, risking himself, his crew, 425 00:28:15,819 --> 00:28:18,404 his daughter, and her unborn child. 426 00:28:18,571 --> 00:28:21,240 You know, Captain, your Counselor is right. He will fight. 427 00:28:21,408 --> 00:28:24,243 The Captain of the other ship is demanding to be heard. 428 00:28:24,828 --> 00:28:29,123 I don't suppose you can give me any indication why this man wants you. 429 00:28:29,499 --> 00:28:30,874 [SIGHS] 430 00:28:34,629 --> 00:28:36,380 Let's put all this together. 431 00:28:36,548 --> 00:28:39,967 Lieutenant Worf, multiple image, full conference mode. 432 00:28:40,135 --> 00:28:42,720 - Let them all see each other. - Yes, sir. 433 00:28:43,304 --> 00:28:48,058 Here you are, Debin trying to save this criminal. 434 00:28:48,226 --> 00:28:50,978 My purpose is not your concern. 435 00:28:51,146 --> 00:28:53,480 - It is if it involves Okona. PICARD: Gentlemen. 436 00:28:54,190 --> 00:28:56,650 Please, let's try and resolve this matter. 437 00:28:56,818 --> 00:28:57,860 Captain Kushell, 438 00:28:58,027 --> 00:29:00,446 what crime has Okona allegedly committed against you? 439 00:29:00,613 --> 00:29:04,616 He is a thief. He stole the Jewel of Thesia. 440 00:29:04,784 --> 00:29:08,412 - A national heritage. - A thing. An item. 441 00:29:08,580 --> 00:29:11,290 My case involves the victimization of my daughter. 442 00:29:11,458 --> 00:29:13,041 And my honor. 443 00:29:13,209 --> 00:29:16,503 - I'll have Okona now. - He is mine. 444 00:29:16,671 --> 00:29:20,048 One at a time. Who accuses me of stealing? 445 00:29:20,216 --> 00:29:23,886 - I do. My son, Benzan and l. - Father, please. 446 00:29:24,053 --> 00:29:26,930 - He used you to become my friend. - He used my daughter. 447 00:29:27,098 --> 00:29:30,100 He used my son to plunder a national treasure! 448 00:29:30,935 --> 00:29:32,478 PICARD: Mute. 449 00:29:32,687 --> 00:29:33,729 [MUTED DIALOGUE] 450 00:29:43,573 --> 00:29:47,618 Terminate communications. Come with me. 451 00:29:53,166 --> 00:29:56,335 Captain, you can't be afraid of what those two can do to your ship. 452 00:29:56,503 --> 00:29:57,544 No. 453 00:29:57,712 --> 00:30:00,422 They can fire until their lasers run dry and they wouldn't hurt the Enterprise. 454 00:30:00,590 --> 00:30:02,132 My predicament is what to do with you. 455 00:30:02,300 --> 00:30:03,550 I'm sorry. 456 00:30:03,718 --> 00:30:06,094 I'm sorry my ship broke down. I'm sorry you stopped to help. 457 00:30:06,262 --> 00:30:07,679 I'm sorry you're involved. 458 00:30:07,847 --> 00:30:11,475 But you're right. Whatever happens, however it goes, someone gets hurt. 459 00:30:11,643 --> 00:30:14,102 Hand me over to Kushell, and Debin goes to war. 460 00:30:14,270 --> 00:30:16,814 And if I hand you over to Debin, it's the same thing. 461 00:30:17,273 --> 00:30:19,066 I wish I could... 462 00:30:22,570 --> 00:30:24,738 I wish I could make it easier. 463 00:30:24,906 --> 00:30:26,824 I'm sure you do. 464 00:30:29,118 --> 00:30:32,830 I'm not going to apologize for the way I am or how I live my life. 465 00:30:32,997 --> 00:30:37,125 But, just for the record, I did not steal the Jewel of Thesia. 466 00:30:37,293 --> 00:30:41,004 I am not a criminal, Captain, and as to the other business, 467 00:30:41,172 --> 00:30:45,676 that's between me and Yanar, no one else. 468 00:30:46,761 --> 00:30:48,303 In truth, I 469 00:30:48,471 --> 00:30:52,432 simply do not have authority in this matter. I'm not your judge, 470 00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:55,060 nor is it my duty to arbitrate. 471 00:30:55,812 --> 00:30:59,064 But you are in my custody and that creates the dilemma. 472 00:30:59,232 --> 00:31:00,274 How about this? 473 00:31:03,152 --> 00:31:05,988 Do what you said. Fix my guidance system and let me leave. 474 00:31:07,156 --> 00:31:10,742 According to Starfleet regulations, that would be my only course of action. 475 00:31:10,910 --> 00:31:14,830 But their ships are faster than yours. I'm not doing you a favor. 476 00:31:14,998 --> 00:31:18,750 Captain, with all due respect, that's not your concern. 477 00:31:18,918 --> 00:31:23,046 Besides I can take care of myself. 478 00:31:30,889 --> 00:31:32,931 MAN: Let's have a look at that. 479 00:31:35,602 --> 00:31:37,936 You're quite a craftsman, Lieutenant La Forge. 480 00:31:38,104 --> 00:31:41,315 - How soon? - What's the rush? 481 00:31:41,482 --> 00:31:45,652 - I thought you liked it here. - I did. It stopped liking me. 482 00:31:45,820 --> 00:31:47,863 Time to disappear. 483 00:31:48,239 --> 00:31:50,824 - Where will you go? - What? 484 00:31:50,992 --> 00:31:52,534 I said, where will you go? 485 00:31:52,702 --> 00:31:56,371 A new place, if I make it. 486 00:31:56,748 --> 00:32:00,292 - Don't you ever stay anywhere? - Not for long. 487 00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:04,713 - I couldn't be like that. - Oh? 488 00:32:05,048 --> 00:32:07,466 I mean, always being alone. 489 00:32:07,634 --> 00:32:11,094 Commander Riker says you choose to live the way you do, and like it. 490 00:32:11,262 --> 00:32:12,679 Is that what he says? 491 00:32:13,473 --> 00:32:14,973 Yeah. 492 00:32:16,184 --> 00:32:19,102 It would be difficult for me to be leaving all the time. 493 00:32:19,646 --> 00:32:23,148 I'd miss my friends, the people I love. 494 00:32:24,734 --> 00:32:27,402 I guess leaving's gotten easy for you. 495 00:32:29,238 --> 00:32:31,740 I seem to have a way of using up a place. 496 00:32:32,992 --> 00:32:34,743 I wasn't talking about a place. 497 00:32:36,329 --> 00:32:39,331 I know. I know what you were talking about. 498 00:32:39,499 --> 00:32:41,124 LA FORGE: It's ready. 499 00:32:43,211 --> 00:32:46,546 You should be able to install this in roughly five minutes. 500 00:32:48,216 --> 00:32:49,549 [SIGHS] 501 00:32:50,301 --> 00:32:52,970 Like you said, Geordi, what's the rush? 502 00:32:53,137 --> 00:32:58,100 I have some friends around here. I think it's time to make a stand. 503 00:33:14,325 --> 00:33:16,076 PICARD: Mr. Okona. 504 00:33:19,038 --> 00:33:21,623 Captain, I've decided not to leave. 505 00:33:21,791 --> 00:33:25,127 - Oh. - Don't worry. I'm not staying either. 506 00:33:25,294 --> 00:33:27,004 PICARD: Just what are your plans, Mr. Okona? 507 00:33:27,171 --> 00:33:29,172 I've decided to surrender myself. 508 00:33:30,091 --> 00:33:31,133 To which one? 509 00:33:31,300 --> 00:33:33,510 Ha-ha-ha. There's really only one option. 510 00:33:36,556 --> 00:33:38,140 Viewer on. 511 00:33:38,349 --> 00:33:39,766 [COMPUTER BEEPS] 512 00:33:43,438 --> 00:33:46,898 Gentlemen, communicating like this is very distracting. 513 00:33:47,066 --> 00:33:49,526 I suggest that we beam you up to the Enterprise 514 00:33:49,694 --> 00:33:51,611 and we'll resolve this face-to-face. 515 00:33:52,321 --> 00:33:53,572 Excellent. 516 00:33:53,740 --> 00:33:55,157 Agreed. 517 00:33:55,324 --> 00:33:58,243 Leave your weapons behind. Let's keep this civilized. 518 00:33:58,411 --> 00:34:00,996 Number One, you have the bridge. Counselor Troi, 519 00:34:01,164 --> 00:34:03,957 would you accompany me to Deck 14 conference room? 520 00:34:04,125 --> 00:34:07,836 - Worf, see to our guests. WORF: Aye, sir. 521 00:34:21,476 --> 00:34:23,435 ROBINSON: They have no weapons. 522 00:34:23,853 --> 00:34:25,520 WORF: This way. 523 00:34:41,412 --> 00:34:45,791 - Okona, you are without shame. - For once I agree with Debin. 524 00:34:45,958 --> 00:34:47,918 You are without shame. 525 00:34:48,086 --> 00:34:51,922 I trusted you. My son treated you like a brother. 526 00:34:52,423 --> 00:34:56,301 And then, to steal from us. I want him now. 527 00:34:56,469 --> 00:34:58,553 No, He's coming with me. 528 00:34:58,721 --> 00:35:01,014 Captain, my complaint was registered first. 529 00:35:01,182 --> 00:35:06,103 Now, please, please be calm. Lieutenant, thank you. 530 00:35:10,733 --> 00:35:13,902 Everyone is talking about me, and no one's talking to me. 531 00:35:16,489 --> 00:35:19,825 You all believe I stole the jewel. 532 00:35:19,992 --> 00:35:22,369 And it was I who fathered the child. 533 00:35:22,537 --> 00:35:26,164 You dare call my daughter a liar? 534 00:35:26,332 --> 00:35:29,960 And now I'm offered these two choices 535 00:35:30,545 --> 00:35:32,420 and given these two options 536 00:35:33,256 --> 00:35:38,552 condemnation as a thief or, marriage to the beautiful Yanar. 537 00:35:39,178 --> 00:35:41,930 I will take the more pleasant sentence. 538 00:35:44,016 --> 00:35:46,685 I will take Yanar as my wife. 539 00:35:46,853 --> 00:35:49,312 - No, you can't. - My son is right. 540 00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:52,232 - You can't escape that way. - That's not what I mean. 541 00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:54,818 It's not up to you nor to Okona. 542 00:35:54,986 --> 00:35:57,737 I've been dishonored. I will decide. 543 00:35:57,905 --> 00:35:59,114 YANAR: Wait. 544 00:35:59,282 --> 00:36:03,535 Since all of you believe Okona is the father of this child, then so be it. 545 00:36:08,124 --> 00:36:12,043 - I'll marry you. - No, you can't. 546 00:36:12,795 --> 00:36:16,256 - Yes, I can. - Okona is still a thief. 547 00:36:16,424 --> 00:36:20,427 No, he's not. Nothing has been stolen. 548 00:36:21,929 --> 00:36:26,057 The Jewel of Thesia has been taken into custody by its rightful heir. 549 00:36:26,225 --> 00:36:27,726 Me. 550 00:36:28,686 --> 00:36:31,271 I was to give it to Yanar as our pledge of marriage. 551 00:36:32,231 --> 00:36:33,315 Marriage? 552 00:36:35,735 --> 00:36:38,486 Yanar is carrying my child. 553 00:36:39,071 --> 00:36:42,532 Oh. You said it was Okona's. 554 00:36:44,493 --> 00:36:48,246 If I told you it was Benzan, you would have gone to war with his father. 555 00:36:48,623 --> 00:36:50,999 So I let you believe it was Okona. 556 00:36:51,167 --> 00:36:53,126 See how a man gets a reputation? 557 00:36:53,294 --> 00:36:56,963 If I had told you that I was giving the jewel to Debin's daughter, 558 00:36:57,131 --> 00:36:58,465 you'd have disowned me. 559 00:36:58,633 --> 00:37:00,717 Now we're hearing some truth. 560 00:37:00,885 --> 00:37:03,261 KUSHELL: So you let me chase Okona 561 00:37:03,429 --> 00:37:05,722 - when you knew he was innocent— - Yes. 562 00:37:06,307 --> 00:37:10,018 Because I didn't believe for one moment that you could catch him. 563 00:37:10,186 --> 00:37:11,853 Well said. He never would have. 564 00:37:12,897 --> 00:37:14,689 Then once Yanar accepted the Jewel, 565 00:37:14,857 --> 00:37:18,526 - the marriage would have been made. - Well, I never got it. 566 00:37:18,694 --> 00:37:21,112 Then Okona does have the Jewel. 567 00:37:21,697 --> 00:37:25,325 I never had the chance to deliver it. 568 00:37:25,868 --> 00:37:28,745 Anyway, it's too late. I won't marry Benzan. 569 00:37:28,913 --> 00:37:30,705 Then you'll marry Okona. 570 00:37:31,499 --> 00:37:34,251 I won't marry anyone. 571 00:37:38,673 --> 00:37:40,507 I have reinstated the same program. 572 00:37:40,675 --> 00:37:42,717 Along with some new jokes, I hope. 573 00:37:42,885 --> 00:37:45,929 COMPUTER: Program complete. Enter when ready. 574 00:37:57,525 --> 00:37:59,150 Comic, continue. 575 00:37:59,694 --> 00:38:01,987 More freebies, huh? No cover, no minimum. 576 00:38:02,154 --> 00:38:03,738 Just, "Comic, continue"? 577 00:38:04,240 --> 00:38:06,408 So tell me, Data, what happened? 578 00:38:06,909 --> 00:38:08,618 - I told a joke. - And? 579 00:38:08,786 --> 00:38:09,828 No one laughed. 580 00:38:09,996 --> 00:38:11,538 No one? Nobody in the whole room? 581 00:38:11,706 --> 00:38:13,081 I was the whole room. 582 00:38:13,249 --> 00:38:14,791 She said I spoiled the joke. 583 00:38:14,959 --> 00:38:17,210 Actually, killed would have been a better word. 584 00:38:17,378 --> 00:38:19,004 I think I know what your problem is. 585 00:38:19,213 --> 00:38:21,923 You should always try out new material on an audience. 586 00:38:22,091 --> 00:38:25,802 He could be right. Perhaps an audience is what you need. 587 00:38:29,015 --> 00:38:30,390 Computer. 588 00:38:30,558 --> 00:38:34,519 Program an audience appropriate to this venue. 589 00:38:34,729 --> 00:38:36,730 [AUDIENCE CHATTERING] 590 00:38:39,025 --> 00:38:40,608 OKONA: Yanar... 591 00:38:46,282 --> 00:38:48,908 You're angry at the embarrassment of all this, 592 00:38:49,076 --> 00:38:52,620 and maybe the timing and the approach is not the most romantic, 593 00:38:52,788 --> 00:38:57,125 but I know you love Benzan, 594 00:38:57,668 --> 00:39:00,045 and I don't want to see you throw away that feeling 595 00:39:00,212 --> 00:39:02,714 because your parents have been quarreling for years 596 00:39:02,882 --> 00:39:05,800 and don't know how to behave properly. 597 00:39:09,513 --> 00:39:12,682 I've carried your messages back and forth for almost six months. 598 00:39:12,850 --> 00:39:15,018 Smuggled each of you into the other's homeland. 599 00:39:15,186 --> 00:39:19,647 You feel for him the same way he feels for you. 600 00:39:35,581 --> 00:39:37,832 I do love you. 601 00:39:39,460 --> 00:39:43,254 It is your child. It's our child. 602 00:39:47,134 --> 00:39:48,635 Marry me. 603 00:39:49,804 --> 00:39:51,262 Yes. 604 00:39:52,306 --> 00:39:53,556 [WHISTLES] 605 00:40:04,568 --> 00:40:05,944 We'll find a new planet to live on. 606 00:40:06,112 --> 00:40:07,195 [CHUCKLES] 607 00:40:07,363 --> 00:40:09,948 You'll live on Straleb. 608 00:40:10,116 --> 00:40:13,743 No, no, no, no, no. You'll live on Atlec. 609 00:40:13,911 --> 00:40:17,205 I will not have this man raising my grandson. 610 00:40:17,373 --> 00:40:18,498 The rest of this 611 00:40:18,666 --> 00:40:21,292 is an issue, gentlemen, to be settled between yourselves. 612 00:40:21,460 --> 00:40:23,378 Now if you'll excuse us, we have business. 613 00:40:23,587 --> 00:40:24,796 YANAR: Thank you, Captain. 614 00:40:24,964 --> 00:40:28,133 - Your grandson? KUSHELL: My grandson. 615 00:40:31,053 --> 00:40:32,345 Thank you. 616 00:40:32,513 --> 00:40:33,763 [PIANO MUSIC PLAYS] 617 00:40:33,931 --> 00:40:35,974 Thank you. Thanks for coming, folks. 618 00:40:36,142 --> 00:40:37,934 We've got a great show for you tonight. 619 00:40:38,102 --> 00:40:39,853 I'm so excited this evening. 620 00:40:40,020 --> 00:40:43,148 Tonight I have for you the funny man of the stars, 621 00:40:43,315 --> 00:40:47,318 the Android of Antics, that Lieutenant Commander of Mirth, 622 00:40:47,486 --> 00:40:49,404 give him a welcome, ladies and gentlemen 623 00:40:49,572 --> 00:40:54,033 none other than, he's just the best. Data. 624 00:40:54,243 --> 00:40:56,244 [CHEERS & APPLAUSE] 625 00:41:04,503 --> 00:41:06,379 Good evening, ladies and germs. 626 00:41:06,589 --> 00:41:08,423 [ALL LAUGHING] 627 00:41:13,971 --> 00:41:15,305 [DRUM ROLL] 628 00:41:15,556 --> 00:41:17,557 [ALL LAUGHING] 629 00:41:19,435 --> 00:41:23,229 I come from a town so small, we had a fraction for a zip code. 630 00:41:23,397 --> 00:41:25,273 [ALL LAUGHING] 631 00:41:25,483 --> 00:41:28,860 - You made a living doing this? - Yes, I did. 632 00:41:29,028 --> 00:41:32,280 It was so small, in fact, we didn't have a godfather of crime, 633 00:41:32,448 --> 00:41:34,616 we had a nephew. 634 00:41:34,825 --> 00:41:36,826 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 635 00:41:46,170 --> 00:41:50,173 I was so ugly as a child, they hung a pork chop around my neck 636 00:41:50,341 --> 00:41:52,133 [ALL LAUGHING] 637 00:41:55,054 --> 00:41:57,764 so the dog would play with me. 638 00:41:57,932 --> 00:41:59,349 [ALL LAUGHING] 639 00:42:03,437 --> 00:42:06,147 And then there was the human cannonball 640 00:42:06,315 --> 00:42:08,650 that was hired and fired in the same night. 641 00:42:08,859 --> 00:42:10,652 [ALL LAUGHING] 642 00:42:13,948 --> 00:42:15,949 [LAUGHING CONTINUES] 643 00:42:17,368 --> 00:42:20,203 Audience program, off. 644 00:42:20,412 --> 00:42:22,413 [ALL LAUGHING] 645 00:42:30,965 --> 00:42:32,799 Discontinue Comic. 646 00:42:42,184 --> 00:42:44,018 It was a Holodeck audience. 647 00:42:44,186 --> 00:42:46,854 They were programmed to laugh at everything. 648 00:42:47,731 --> 00:42:49,816 Perhaps I should reprogram the audience 649 00:42:49,984 --> 00:42:51,859 to display a more accurate response. 650 00:42:52,027 --> 00:42:54,946 Data, let me give you one. 651 00:42:55,823 --> 00:42:57,865 Being able to make people laugh, 652 00:42:58,033 --> 00:43:02,203 or being able to laugh, is not the end-all and be-all of being human. 653 00:43:02,371 --> 00:43:07,750 No, but there is nothing more uniquely human. 654 00:43:23,350 --> 00:43:25,226 Hold your speed, Captain Okona. 655 00:43:25,394 --> 00:43:27,145 Disengage. 656 00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:29,897 Separated. 657 00:43:30,065 --> 00:43:33,192 I'm under my own power now. Thank you, Enterprise. 658 00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:36,821 - Thank you, Captain Picard. - Good-bye, Captain Okona. 659 00:43:37,615 --> 00:43:39,032 Bye, Captain Okona. 660 00:43:41,869 --> 00:43:42,952 Say good-bye, Data. 661 00:43:43,662 --> 00:43:44,996 Goodbye Data. 662 00:43:45,205 --> 00:43:47,081 [TROI & RIKER LAUGH] 663 00:43:48,292 --> 00:43:49,375 Was that funny? 664 00:43:49,585 --> 00:43:50,585 [CHUCKLES] 665 00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:53,671 Accessing. 666 00:43:54,673 --> 00:43:59,552 Huh. Burns and Allen, Roxy Theatre, New York City, 1932. 667 00:43:59,720 --> 00:44:01,471 It still works. 668 00:44:02,264 --> 00:44:04,974 Then there was the one about the girl in the nudist colony 669 00:44:05,142 --> 00:44:06,434 that nothing looked good on. 670 00:44:06,602 --> 00:44:08,436 We're ready to get underway, sir. 671 00:44:09,104 --> 00:44:11,356 Take my Worf, please. 672 00:44:11,523 --> 00:44:15,276 - Warp speed, sir? - Please.