1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

2
00:00:29,403 --> 00:00:30,824
-Morning, Coach. -Morning, Coach.

3
00:00:30,905 --> 00:00:32,106
You wanna grab some breakfast?

4
00:00:32,155 --> 00:00:34,426
Nah, I just had one piece of
cereal and I'm pretty stuffed.

5
00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:35,790
Could go for coffee though.

6
00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:37,286
Yeah.

7
00:00:38,412 --> 00:00:40,082
You know what today feels like?

8
00:00:40,164 --> 00:00:42,835
- First day of school.
- First day of school. That's right.

9
00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:44,752
That's close.

10
00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:48,838
- What about you, Coach? How you feeling?
- A little nervous.

11
00:00:48,923 --> 00:00:51,393
Well, heck, yeah. No such
thing as "last-day jitters."

12
00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:55,314
Gotta look right, Coach.

13
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,558
Yeah. I'm gonna get that someday.

14
00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:00,557
So blues

15
00:01:00,643 --> 00:01:02,734
-I can tell you -Check out my man here.

16
00:01:03,896 --> 00:01:06,436
So blues, I can tell you

17
00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:19,578
A girl's not gettin' by me.

18
00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:27,125
Sometimes the best way to stick it to
the man is go right between his legs, huh?

19
00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:28,962
-We gotta go, Coach. -Yeah.

20
00:01:37,722 --> 00:01:38,893
Knock-a-doodle-do.

21
00:01:39,891 --> 00:01:42,102
- Good morning, Coach Lasso.
- Hey, look at us.

22
00:01:42,186 --> 00:01:44,146
Couple of worm-addicted
early birds, am I right?

23
00:01:44,979 --> 00:01:47,420
Well, I'm glad I caught ya. I
brought you a little something.

24
00:01:47,481 --> 00:01:49,231
Yeah. Cookies.

25
00:01:49,317 --> 00:01:51,608
Or as y'all call 'em here, biscuits, right?

26
00:01:51,694 --> 00:01:55,444
Though, I do not recommend
you smother these in gravy.

27
00:01:55,531 --> 00:01:56,831
Ted, I don't really...

28
00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:59,118
Come on now. Take a lookie there.

29
00:01:59,203 --> 00:02:01,082
-Those do look good. -Right?

30
00:02:01,162 --> 00:02:02,253
Go ahead, take a nibble.

31
00:02:02,331 --> 00:02:05,131
That's it. Away you go.

32
00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:09,247
Fuck me.

33
00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:11,592
Where did you get these?

34
00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:12,973
I'm glad you like 'em.

35
00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:15,110
You know what? I'll start
bringing these to ya every morning.

36
00:02:15,134 --> 00:02:16,403
Call it "Biscuits with the Boss."

37
00:02:16,427 --> 00:02:18,427
That really isn't necessary.

38
00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:21,234
Okay, well, mark this down as
the first time we disagree then.

39
00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:23,807
Actually, no, second time. Tea is horrible.

40
00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:26,864
Absolute garbage water. I
don't know why y'all do that.

41
00:02:26,938 --> 00:02:28,978
Anyhoo, you know, we
can't really be good partners

42
00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:31,002
- unless we get to know each other, right?
- Ted...

43
00:02:31,026 --> 00:02:32,920
We're gonna start simple.
Real easy, real easy one.

44
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:34,905
We're gonna do first concert, best concert.

45
00:02:34,987 --> 00:02:37,133
You go ahead and go first.
Go. Right off the bat. Come on.

46
00:02:37,156 --> 00:02:40,116
The Spice Girls. And... the Spice Girls.

47
00:02:40,201 --> 00:02:43,502
Same answer for both? I
love that. My turn. First concert.

48
00:02:43,579 --> 00:02:46,420
I mean, come on. It was "The
Gambler" himself, Mr. Kenny Rogers.

49
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,840
Okay, I'm sorry...

50
00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:49,918
Ted...

51
00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:54,258
Coach Lasso.

52
00:02:56,884 --> 00:02:59,215
Stop. Ted, I'm sorry.

53
00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:03,734
"Biscuits with the Boss" is not something
that I have time for this morning.

54
00:03:03,808 --> 00:03:05,558
Or ever.

55
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,936
- I hear ya, boss. Loud and clear.
- There we go.

56
00:03:09,021 --> 00:03:10,192
Okay.

57
00:03:10,274 --> 00:03:12,168
You're gonna show up
tomorrow with biscuits, aren't you?

58
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,282
Come on now. I would not bet on that.

59
00:03:14,902 --> 00:03:17,163
I mean, unless you wanna
win a buttload of money.

60
00:03:17,781 --> 00:03:19,031
High five, tree.

61
00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:56,824
Remember what you said to me
our first day coaching at Wichita State?

62
00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:58,243
Lose the ponytail?

63
00:03:58,322 --> 00:04:00,322
Relax. They're just kids.

64
00:04:03,492 --> 00:04:05,703
Well, these fellas sure as heck ain't kids.

65
00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:09,287
Hey, look at Isaac. He looks
like a Rodin sculpture in cleats.

66
00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:11,792
Boots.

67
00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:13,167
They call cleats "boots."

68
00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:16,355
I thought you said that the
trunk of a car was a boot.

69
00:04:16,379 --> 00:04:17,629
Also a boot.

70
00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:19,925
Hold on now. If I were
to get fired from my job

71
00:04:20,009 --> 00:04:21,903
where I'm puttin' cleats
in the trunk of my car...

72
00:04:21,927 --> 00:04:24,057
You got the boot from
puttin' boots in the boot.

73
00:04:24,555 --> 00:04:25,555
I love that.

74
00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:30,064
All right, gentlemen. Let's go
ahead and do a little seven on seven.

75
00:04:30,144 --> 00:04:32,305
We're gonna call this drill "The Exorcist"

76
00:04:32,396 --> 00:04:34,476
'cause it's all about
controlling possession.

77
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:36,744
All right, let's go!

78
00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:43,696
Fuck!

79
00:04:49,413 --> 00:04:53,634
Someone get some flowers, 'cause
this spot here is where Sam died.

80
00:04:55,838 --> 00:04:57,298
It's very sad.

81
00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:59,550
Oi. Walk away, you little prick.

82
00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,682
All right, granddad. Keep your wig on.

83
00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:05,101
-Thanks, Roy. -Yeah, you're good.

84
00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:06,269
Hey, Sam, come here a sec.

85
00:05:08,766 --> 00:05:09,766
Coach, I'm sorry.

86
00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:11,851
You know what the
happiest animal on earth is?

87
00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:14,687
It's a goldfish.

88
00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:16,023
You know why?

89
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:19,187
-No. -Got a ten-second memory.

90
00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:22,449
Be a goldfish, Sam. Yeah?

91
00:05:28,579 --> 00:05:29,829
Yeah, you got it. Go ahead.

92
00:05:32,915 --> 00:05:35,206
-Hey, Nate. -Who, me?

93
00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:37,004
Yeah. Until we get another Nate here,

94
00:05:37,086 --> 00:05:39,456
I just need you to assume
you're my default Nate, okay?

95
00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,838
Come on, question for ya.
What's the buzz on Sam here?

96
00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:43,235
Seems a little down in the dumps.

97
00:05:43,259 --> 00:05:47,639
Yeah, he's been underachieving
since he got here from Nigeria, so...

98
00:05:47,723 --> 00:05:50,483
Yeah, well, first time away
from home is never easy.

99
00:05:50,558 --> 00:05:52,959
We're gonna have to do something
to Ni-cheer-ia him up, man.

100
00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:58,084
You still laughing at stuff
you don't think is funny, huh?

101
00:05:58,108 --> 00:06:00,108
I'm not always sure
what's a joke and what isn't.

102
00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:02,033
Yeah, it's tough to
tell these days, isn't it?

103
00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:03,951
Go, Lasso! Go, Lasso, go!

104
00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:08,081
Go, Lasso! Go, Lasso, go!
Go, Lasso! Go, Lasso, go!

105
00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:09,911
Higgins.

106
00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:12,115
Ted Lasso was in my office.

107
00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:14,956
"What's the first concert you ever saw?"

108
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:17,961
-Boy George. -Not you, you garden gnome.

109
00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:19,605
He wants us to get together every morning

110
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,440
to get to know me and
hear what I've got to say.

111
00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:22,504
The nerve!

112
00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:25,261
I mean, the man's just relentless and nice.

113
00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:27,553
Everywhere he's been, his
players seem to love him.

114
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,637
It's the one thing that
could just muck this up.

115
00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:31,182
Hello, boys.

116
00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:32,891
Up top.

117
00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:36,730
-Hello, Miss Welton. -Hello, Miss Welton.

118
00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:43,985
Higgins, do you know which of the players
has the most sway in the locker room?

119
00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:46,029
No.

120
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:50,994
So helpful. Then solve
me this different mystery.

121
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:53,117
Find out where Lasso got those biscuits.

122
00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:56,384
Watch out, biscuits!
Higgins is on the case.

123
00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:04,721
All right, fellas. Excuse me.

124
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:05,879
Listen up!

125
00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:08,851
Thank you, Coach.

126
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:11,218
Now, we got Crystal Palace
coming here on Saturday.

127
00:07:11,305 --> 00:07:12,533
Anything we need to know, Coach?

128
00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:15,478
- Lot of speed on the outside.
- Okay. Anything else?

129
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,060
Lot of speed.

130
00:07:17,144 --> 00:07:18,355
Okay, you heard the man.

131
00:07:18,437 --> 00:07:20,687
Y'all whipped 'em up
pretty good earlier this year,

132
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:23,653
so me and Coach ain't gonna
mess with the game plan.

133
00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:25,235
But...

134
00:07:25,319 --> 00:07:28,173
we would like to start fiddling with
the way we do things in the locker room.

135
00:07:28,197 --> 00:07:30,237
And if the Internet has taught us anything,

136
00:07:30,324 --> 00:07:34,074
it's that sometimes it's easier to
speak our minds anonymously.

137
00:07:34,161 --> 00:07:37,461
Right? So I asked Nate here to make
us a good old-fashioned suggestion box.

138
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:39,130
Hey, look at that.

139
00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:42,168
Yeah, did it with my
niece. She loves crafts, so...

140
00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:44,264
Yeah. I love glimpses
into your personal life.

141
00:07:44,338 --> 00:07:45,338
This is lovely.

142
00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:47,803
So, if anything's got
y'all hot and bothered,

143
00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:49,295
just go ahead and drop us a note.

144
00:07:50,095 --> 00:07:52,884
You could have issue
with the color of the towels

145
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:55,182
or, heck, the food in the vending machine.

146
00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:56,266
Sound good?

147
00:07:58,353 --> 00:08:00,773
Okay, great. See y'all tomorrow.

148
00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:04,648
Oi. We're middle of the
table, we've lost three of four,

149
00:08:04,735 --> 00:08:07,985
and you wanna know if the snacks
in the locker room are tasty enough?

150
00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:09,281
Are they?

151
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:10,990
Jesus Christ.

152
00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:14,285
They are not.

153
00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:32,635
That's a long time to wait, Ted.

154
00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:35,808
Well, I respect you didn't hurry.

155
00:08:35,889 --> 00:08:38,389
So, how was your first official day?

156
00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:39,476
I'm not entirely sure

157
00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:42,061
what y'all's smallest unit of
measurement is over here,

158
00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:44,356
but that's about how much headway I made.

159
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:46,530
And yet, you seem undeterred.

160
00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:52,071
Solid entrance.

161
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:56,750
What would you rather
be, a lion or a panda?

162
00:08:56,827 --> 00:08:58,118
I don't have time for this.

163
00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:00,120
Okay.

164
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:01,706
-Ted? -Gotta go panda.

165
00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:06,511
Are you mad? Pandas are fat
and lazy and have piss-stained fur.

166
00:09:06,587 --> 00:09:10,298
Lions are powerful and
majestic and rule the jungle.

167
00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:12,553
Try telling that to an
elephant. Can I be an elephant?

168
00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:13,676
Lion or panda.

169
00:09:13,761 --> 00:09:14,932
-Panda. -Lion!

170
00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:17,241
- What's black and white and red all over?
- I don't know. What?

171
00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:21,186
A panda that gets anywhere near
a fucking lion. The answer is lion.

172
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:23,806
All right.

173
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,277
That Rebecca is an
intimidating, very tall woman.

174
00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:29,148
I mean, the minute she locked
eyes with me, I started sweating.

175
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:32,655
Oh, no. She got some fences, all
right, but you just gotta hop over 'em.

176
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:33,739
Hi, babe.

177
00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:37,868
Here. Keys.

178
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:40,582
Hey, Jamie, what would you
rather be? A lion or a panda?

179
00:09:41,373 --> 00:09:43,043
Coach, I'm me.

180
00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:44,534
Why would I wanna be anything else?

181
00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:47,875
I'm not sure you realize how
psychologically healthy that actually is.

182
00:09:49,715 --> 00:09:50,715
Cheers.

183
00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:52,835
Night Court.

184
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,176
Wow.

185
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,890
-He's a lion. -Definitely lion.

186
00:09:55,971 --> 00:09:58,700
You know pandas eat their weight
in bamboo? My little boy told me that.

187
00:09:58,724 --> 00:10:00,274
-No! -What are you talking about?

188
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:01,809
Pandas are capable of it.

189
00:10:01,894 --> 00:10:03,854
I don't know how often
they actually do that.

190
00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,693
Sam's down in every stat since Nigeria.

191
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,573
Maybe the Premiership's too much for him.

192
00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:12,046
No, he just needs to get a
little more comfy here, that's all.

193
00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:15,200
- He turns 20 on Saturday.
- There we go. A birthday.

194
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,676
We'll do something special for him.

195
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,950
Nudge that ship in the
right direction, yeah?

196
00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:20,036
Hey.

197
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:25,793
Let's see what we got here.

198
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:26,875
"Wanker."

199
00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:30,879
Let's see what else we
got. "Piss off, wanker."

200
00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:34,717
"I hope you choke on a Big Mac."

201
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:37,301
- Good thing these are anonymous.
- No, Roy signed that one.

202
00:10:37,386 --> 00:10:38,386
-Roy. -Here's a good one.

203
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:41,392
"Shower pressure is
rubbish." Make a note of that.

204
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:45,100
"Wanker." Yep.

205
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:47,980
I'm not gonna say that word out loud.

206
00:10:48,856 --> 00:10:49,937
Another "wanker."

207
00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:52,945
You don't wanna let them
call you a wanker, Ted. It's bad.

208
00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:54,361
What's a wanker?

209
00:10:56,365 --> 00:10:58,605
I'm a visual learner, so
that's very helpful. Thank you.

210
00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:00,293
My pleasure.

211
00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:02,825
Okay, I got one.

212
00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:06,828
What if I joined forces
with a swashbuckling cat

213
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:10,206
to play tiny guitars for women of the night

214
00:11:10,294 --> 00:11:12,705
as we read Alex Haley's most seminal work?

215
00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:14,467
You'd be in cahoots with Puss in Boots,

216
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:16,840
playing lutes for
prostitutes, reading Roots.

217
00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:19,346
No, The Autobiography
of Malcolm X. I gotcha.

218
00:11:19,428 --> 00:11:20,599
All right.

219
00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:23,390
Here we go. Hey, hold my beer.

220
00:11:23,475 --> 00:11:26,644
All right, see what you got, young lady.
Come on. What you got? What you got?

221
00:11:27,144 --> 00:11:28,225
Are you kidding me?

222
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:30,321
You see that?

223
00:11:30,399 --> 00:11:32,085
She spun you around
like the Tasmanian Devil.

224
00:11:32,109 --> 00:11:34,649
Yeah, she did. Except
without all that annoying...

225
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,115
Wrong again.

226
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:46,711
Why is this so hard for you, Higgins?

227
00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:48,419
What time is it?

228
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:50,750
It's "Biscuits with the Boss" time!

229
00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:53,419
And Higgins! Hey.

230
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:55,053
Three's a crowd.

231
00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:58,052
Hey, that's a crowd I don't mind being
smack-dab in the middle of, buddy.

232
00:11:58,719 --> 00:12:01,009
Hey, boss. Check this out. Pow.

233
00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:02,782
Let's tie up some loose
ends from yesterday.

234
00:12:02,806 --> 00:12:04,515
First concert, Kenny Rogers, right?

235
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:07,730
Best concert, we got Beastie
Boys at HORDE Fest, 1995.

236
00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:09,100
You're gonna love this story.

237
00:12:09,187 --> 00:12:11,081
Actually, did y'all get
the O.J. trial over here?

238
00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:14,436
Ted, please. I can't just have you
waltzing in here whenever you wish.

239
00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:16,985
What if I soft-shoe in, huh?
Little something like that.

240
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,529
Or I can moonwalk in.

241
00:12:18,614 --> 00:12:21,283
Despite recent headlines,
it's still a fun dance move to do.

242
00:12:21,365 --> 00:12:24,076
- Ted, Ted.
- You gotta see the way I see it, okay?

243
00:12:24,161 --> 00:12:26,764
Everybody in this building, part of
the team. Part of AFC Richmond.

244
00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:28,248
Team's gotta bond. All right?

245
00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:30,184
I mean, heck, Higgins and
I are having lunch today.

246
00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:32,379
Yes. We're having salads in my office.

247
00:12:32,461 --> 00:12:33,801
All right, catch you later, boss.

248
00:12:33,879 --> 00:12:35,629
Higgins, see you at lunch, huh?

249
00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:37,014
Caesar you later.

250
00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:42,392
Yes. Yes.

251
00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:46,725
He's intolerable.

252
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,019
Boy. That is bad.

253
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:53,403
Somebody ought to
check this thing's prostate.

254
00:12:54,066 --> 00:12:55,066
Jeez.

255
00:12:56,817 --> 00:12:58,067
Yeah.

256
00:12:58,153 --> 00:13:00,072
Hey, Sam. You gotta
pop upstairs real quick.

257
00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:01,985
Higgins wants to talk to you.

258
00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:03,494
Let's go. Move it, move it.

259
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:07,873
Yep, yep. He's gone, he's gone.

260
00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:10,600
Shut the door, shut the door. Hey.
Yo, hey, guys. Listen up, listen up.

261
00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:12,423
Okay, Sam's birthday is on Saturday.

262
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,979
So I was thinking we'd all chip
in and get him something nice.

263
00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:16,342
Nice gift or something. Right?

264
00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:19,510
So, Nate's gonna be coming around
with yet another impressive box.

265
00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:21,431
Look at this. It's got a face!

266
00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:23,970
-He has a face. -Sorry, it... He. He.

267
00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:26,198
- You put the money in his mouth.
- Okay, you hear that, y'all?

268
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:29,562
You put the money in his
mouth. Got it? Okay, good.

269
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:30,812
Go get 'em, Nate.

270
00:13:31,562 --> 00:13:32,562
Okay? Help him out.

271
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,936
All right. Lovely. Thanks, Colin.

272
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:41,775
You put the money in his mouth.

273
00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,277
Yummy for you.

274
00:13:48,287 --> 00:13:51,287
It's spearmint. Make the money smell nice.

275
00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:53,633
Thank you, Jamie. That's
incredibly thoughtful.

276
00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:57,962
Hey, Jamie. Real quick.

277
00:13:58,046 --> 00:14:01,375
Just wanna have a chat. Did
you put gum in the box there?

278
00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:03,385
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Now, why'd you go and do that?

279
00:14:03,467 --> 00:14:05,613
- Sorry, Coach.
- Nate's just trying to help us out here.

280
00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:08,197
- He's part of the team, right?
- Yeah, right, Coach. Yeah, yeah.

281
00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:09,893
And I see this team like a band.

282
00:14:09,975 --> 00:14:12,804
- I love that.
- And if we were the Rolling Stones,

283
00:14:13,394 --> 00:14:15,855
I'd be Mick Jagger,
'cause I'm the front man.

284
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:17,149
-Sure. -I got the moves.

285
00:14:17,231 --> 00:14:19,231
Got a tiny waist, yeah.
The whole bit. I get it.

286
00:14:19,317 --> 00:14:21,697
And Roy would be Keith Richards,

287
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:24,131
'cause he's old and everyone's
surprised he ain't dead yet.

288
00:14:24,155 --> 00:14:25,566
What the fuck are you saying?

289
00:14:25,657 --> 00:14:27,384
Roy, mate, if you're
gonna go to the shower,

290
00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:29,538
you should take your
sweater off first, pal.

291
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,046
I'm just taking the piss, mate. Yeah.

292
00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:39,878
I'll be better. Promise.

293
00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:41,883
Glad to hear it. Yeah.

294
00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:50,140
Marcus, what you got?

295
00:14:50,224 --> 00:14:52,701
How are you feeling about taking
on Crystal Palace this weekend?

296
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:55,936
A palace made out of crystal
seems mighty fragile if you ask me.

297
00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:58,105
-Coach. -Coach!

298
00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:01,395
- Yeah, right there.
- Trent Crimm, The Independent.

299
00:15:01,485 --> 00:15:03,024
I remember, Trent.

300
00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:06,280
I'm just curious. Could
you explain the offside rule?

301
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:10,135
Well, Trent, I'm gonna put it the
same way the US Supreme Court did

302
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:13,250
back in 1964 when they defined pornography.

303
00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:15,649
It ain't easy to explain, but
you know it when you see it.

304
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:20,630
- Yeah, this gentleman right here.
- Ernie Lounds, The Sun.

305
00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:21,922
Thank you.

306
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,914
This question's for Ms. Mannion.

307
00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:27,216
-It's "Welton." -Of course. My apologies.

308
00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:29,721
Any thoughts on the newest Rupert girl?

309
00:15:30,389 --> 00:15:33,639
Well, Rupert and I are
no longer together, so...

310
00:15:34,268 --> 00:15:37,648
He may consort with whatever
model-actress, actress-model he pleases.

311
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:42,024
No, the girl who came forward today
is another one who was with Rupert

312
00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:43,109
while you were married.

313
00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:46,696
I mean, she says it started five years ago.

314
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:50,330
And they kept it going until, well, still.

315
00:15:54,955 --> 00:15:56,115
Oh.

316
00:15:57,749 --> 00:16:00,249
And all this time I thought
men couldn't multitask.

317
00:16:02,296 --> 00:16:04,005
I'm afraid that's all we have time for.

318
00:16:04,089 --> 00:16:05,469
Thank you so much.

319
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:06,548
Coach!

320
00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:15,764
Hey. How are you?

321
00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:17,900
Just wanna make sure you're doing okay.

322
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,621
You know, that was pretty rough back there.

323
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:21,816
I expect nothing less from the press.

324
00:16:21,899 --> 00:16:22,899
Yeah.

325
00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:27,355
Sorry, did you need somebody to
post that? Because that person's not me.

326
00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:31,485
No, come on. This is a care
package from my little boy.

327
00:16:32,576 --> 00:16:35,326
Maybe something in here
can help cheer you up, yeah?

328
00:16:35,412 --> 00:16:37,711
Got a small battalion of army men.

329
00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:39,746
Says here on the card that

330
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,543
I'm supposed to set 'em up in
my apartment to help keep me safe.

331
00:16:46,298 --> 00:16:47,878
-Homemade kazoo. -Excellent.

332
00:16:47,966 --> 00:16:50,466
Only got one of those
though, so you can't have that.

333
00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:51,971
Hey now.

334
00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:53,813
Look at that right there.

335
00:16:53,889 --> 00:16:57,769
You know, this right here is some of
the best barbecue sauce in Kansas City,

336
00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,691
which makes it some of the
best barbecue sauce in the world.

337
00:17:02,773 --> 00:17:03,773
Yes!

338
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:06,669
You got some kind of food or something
that can teleport you back home,

339
00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:07,853
make you feel warm and fuzzy?

340
00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:11,195
No.

341
00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:15,332
-Will that be all, Ted? -No.

342
00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:19,039
No, actually, the whole reason I'm
here is 'cause I'm having a little trouble

343
00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:21,291
figuring out Jamie Tartt's
operating instructions,

344
00:17:21,375 --> 00:17:23,954
and I was just seeing if you
happened to have any advice.

345
00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:25,673
Sorry, I'm afraid...

346
00:17:27,381 --> 00:17:29,721
Your eyes just lit up. You
got an idea. What is it? Go on.

347
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,960
I was just gonna say you
should go and talk to Keeley.

348
00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:35,349
I mean, you two have an obvious
rapport. If anyone knows Jamie, it's her.

349
00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:37,599
See, that's why you're the boss, right?

350
00:17:37,682 --> 00:17:39,893
That's good. Hey, tell you
what I'm gonna do though.

351
00:17:39,977 --> 00:17:43,096
I'm gonna give you one of these stinkers.
Let's see. Let's get you a good one.

352
00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:46,066
Okay, this right here is gonna
be your first line of defense,

353
00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:48,858
in case that little turkey Ernie
Lounds comes back around, huh?

354
00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:51,614
How about that? We'll aim him
right at the door there for you.

355
00:17:52,114 --> 00:17:54,203
All right, thanks, boss. I appreciate you.

356
00:17:57,952 --> 00:18:01,002
Yes! You look beautiful. Just pet the lion.

357
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:03,417
Exactly!

358
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:05,630
I love it. Give me a growl, yeah.

359
00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:08,797
Sexy, yeah.

360
00:18:08,881 --> 00:18:12,340
Yeah. Beautiful. Yeah, all right.

361
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:13,885
Let's set up for the next shot.

362
00:18:13,969 --> 00:18:15,638
-Hi. -Hey, how you doing?

363
00:18:15,721 --> 00:18:17,260
Yeah, I'm all right. How are you?

364
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:19,846
Yeah, not bad. So, you
went with the lion, huh?

365
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:22,442
- Yeah.
- I'm a little hurt, but it looks cool.

366
00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:24,189
I look insane.

367
00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:27,146
But I do think it's a
better look than the panda.

368
00:18:29,401 --> 00:18:30,490
Oh, yeah.

369
00:18:31,862 --> 00:18:33,162
-Fuck, I'm famished. -Yeah?

370
00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:34,738
Most lions are.

371
00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:36,333
-Look. Let's get some food. -Okay.

372
00:18:36,407 --> 00:18:38,077
-You hungry? -Yeah, is it free?

373
00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:40,079
Gotta be pretty fun for you, yeah?

374
00:18:40,162 --> 00:18:41,388
Yeah. I'm getting paid a shit ton

375
00:18:41,413 --> 00:18:43,873
to get dressed up like an
animal and sell caffeinated vodka.

376
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:45,576
But I do get to go home with the paws.

377
00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:47,707
Well, there's the perks right there. Yeah.

378
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,963
-Can I have a bite? -Yeah. There you go.

379
00:18:50,047 --> 00:18:51,967
-Thank you. -Careful. You're welcome.

380
00:18:53,008 --> 00:18:55,837
I know that you didn't
just pop down to feed me.

381
00:18:56,595 --> 00:18:59,005
No, you're right. I wanted
to ask you about Jamie.

382
00:18:59,597 --> 00:19:00,847
Yeah.

383
00:19:02,058 --> 00:19:03,729
What would you say motivates him?

384
00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:05,940
Blow jobs.

385
00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:09,403
Is there a second option?

386
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:12,859
Go on, give us another bite.

387
00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:15,069
Hey. There you are.

388
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:18,082
Now, look, I know the
kid's gonna be a star.

389
00:19:18,784 --> 00:19:21,084
I was kinda hoping he'd, you know, warm up

390
00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:23,661
to the team building I'm
trying to do here. That's all.

391
00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:26,626
Actually, he responds well
to positive reinforcement.

392
00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:28,498
-That's my wheelhouse. -There you go, then.

393
00:19:28,585 --> 00:19:29,835
Okay. Bite.

394
00:19:32,463 --> 00:19:34,150
- Go on, give us one more bite.
- Here you go.

395
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:35,173
Yeah.

396
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,296
-That was a big one. -Well, yep.

397
00:19:38,386 --> 00:19:39,676
You got some ketchup there.

398
00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:41,522
Looks like you devoured an antelope.

399
00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:42,951
-Help me. -Just be careful. Hold on.

400
00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:44,535
Yeah, I feel that. There's a lot of it.

401
00:19:44,559 --> 00:19:46,440
Yeah, it's a lot and I'm just...

402
00:19:47,479 --> 00:19:48,479
Richmond! Richmond!

403
00:19:48,564 --> 00:19:52,324
We are moments away from
Crystal Palace facing AFC Richmond

404
00:19:52,401 --> 00:19:54,570
and their new manager, Ted Lasso.

405
00:19:54,653 --> 00:19:59,492
While on the pitch, all eyes will surely
be on young phenom, Jamie Tartt.

406
00:19:59,575 --> 00:20:01,785
All right, fellas, here we go. Here we go.

407
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,328
Coach, you got any last words?

408
00:20:03,412 --> 00:20:06,422
- Speed on the outside.
- Speed on the outside. You heard the man.

409
00:20:06,498 --> 00:20:08,458
That's all we got for
you, except for one thing.

410
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:11,092
And that's Happy Birthday, Sam!

411
00:20:20,429 --> 00:20:22,679
Babatunde's the best.

412
00:20:24,599 --> 00:20:26,099
-Hey. -Hey, enjoy.

413
00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:29,396
Hey, man, you guys got me Chin Chin.

414
00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:32,269
Wow, this is all I used to eat growing up.

415
00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:36,003
We know you haven't been home in a while,
so we thought we'd bring some home to you.

416
00:20:36,028 --> 00:20:37,698
You guys, man.

417
00:20:48,832 --> 00:20:51,291
- Hey. Happy Birthday, Sam.
- Thank you, Coach.

418
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:53,165
We got a few things in there for you.

419
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,802
Coach, what's this?

420
00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:58,384
Well, my little boy gave
me a whole bunch of these.

421
00:20:58,467 --> 00:21:00,186
You know, help keep me safe while I'm away.

422
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:02,890
I miss him, you know.

423
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:07,309
My dad used to... always used to
pinch my earlobes for good luck.

424
00:21:08,977 --> 00:21:10,807
Give me a fucking break.

425
00:21:14,525 --> 00:21:15,525
Sorry, Coach.

426
00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:19,203
Coach, is it okay if I don't keep this?

427
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:22,818
I don't really have the same fondness
for the American military that you do.

428
00:21:22,907 --> 00:21:24,907
Sure. Right.

429
00:21:24,992 --> 00:21:26,702
-Imperialism. Right. Yeah. -Imperialism.

430
00:21:26,787 --> 00:21:28,406
Thank you, Coach. Thank you.

431
00:21:28,497 --> 00:21:29,406
All right, fellas.

432
00:21:29,498 --> 00:21:32,708
Let's get out there and show Crystal
Palace whose house this is, right?

433
00:21:35,461 --> 00:21:36,711
West meets South again.

434
00:21:36,797 --> 00:21:40,176
It's Derby Day in London,
and the atmosphere is electric.

435
00:21:40,259 --> 00:21:43,348
With a new owner in the boardroom
and a new manager in the dugout,

436
00:21:43,427 --> 00:21:47,268
will it be a new dawn for the
perennial underdog, AFC Richmond?

437
00:21:47,891 --> 00:21:50,730
Welcome to what the home
fans call the "Dogtrack."

438
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:55,361
It's Nelson Road Stadium, for AFC
Richmond against Crystal Palace.

439
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,279
I'm Arlo White and this is Chris Powell.

440
00:21:58,359 --> 00:22:00,029
And it's great to be here, Arlo.

441
00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:02,243
-You ready? -Your fly is down.

442
00:22:02,990 --> 00:22:04,619
Thank you.

443
00:22:04,700 --> 00:22:05,700
All right, shall we?

444
00:22:06,660 --> 00:22:08,750
Chris, did you ever play
under an American manager?

445
00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:12,328
Never did, Arlo. Wouldn't have
minded it. I do speak the language.

446
00:22:13,834 --> 00:22:16,344
Wanker! Wanker! Wanker!

447
00:22:23,759 --> 00:22:27,309
To the fans at home, we do
apologize for the fruity language.

448
00:22:27,388 --> 00:22:29,138
Wanker! Wanker!

449
00:22:29,724 --> 00:22:32,305
It was a risky hire by new
owner, Rebecca Welton.

450
00:22:32,394 --> 00:22:34,653
Does she know something we don't?

451
00:22:34,730 --> 00:22:36,059
Wanker! Wanker!

452
00:22:36,147 --> 00:22:38,278
Oi! Give him a chance.

453
00:22:40,777 --> 00:22:42,067
Wanker!

454
00:22:42,153 --> 00:22:44,074
We got 90 minutes to prove 'em wrong, yeah?

455
00:22:44,780 --> 00:22:45,780
Let's give it a shot.

456
00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:47,445
Here we go.

457
00:22:49,536 --> 00:22:51,205
And there you go.

458
00:22:51,288 --> 00:22:54,288
It's an inauspicious
start to the Ted Lasso era.

459
00:22:56,667 --> 00:23:01,758
Richmond looked disjointed,
uninspired, and, you have to say, joyless.

460
00:23:01,839 --> 00:23:04,430
Palace win and Richmond lose 4-1.

461
00:23:04,509 --> 00:23:07,890
The only bright spot being the
defensive play of Sam Obisanya.

462
00:23:07,971 --> 00:23:09,221
Only bright spot?

463
00:23:09,681 --> 00:23:12,810
Without me, it would've been
4-0, you miserable old pricks.

464
00:23:12,893 --> 00:23:15,853
And a meaningless consolation
goal for Jamie Tartt in injury time.

465
00:23:15,938 --> 00:23:17,228
Thank you!

466
00:23:18,356 --> 00:23:19,977
Jamie. Real quick.

467
00:23:20,067 --> 00:23:21,527
Regarding Jamie Tartt,

468
00:23:21,609 --> 00:23:24,609
it was an insignificant goal
by the Manchester City loanee,

469
00:23:24,695 --> 00:23:27,066
but he celebrated like
he'd just won the World Cup.

470
00:23:30,410 --> 00:23:32,289
I haven't known you that long, but...

471
00:23:33,413 --> 00:23:36,212
I can honestly say you are the
best athlete I have ever coached.

472
00:23:38,376 --> 00:23:39,376
Wow.

473
00:23:40,546 --> 00:23:42,796
Yeah. I mean, I work hard, yeah.

474
00:23:42,881 --> 00:23:43,881
I see it.

475
00:23:44,508 --> 00:23:46,968
You are truly great at
everything you do out there.

476
00:23:47,970 --> 00:23:49,180
Except for one thing.

477
00:23:49,262 --> 00:23:50,353
My left foot cross?

478
00:23:50,430 --> 00:23:54,640
No. Jamie, I think that you might
be so sure that you're one in a million,

479
00:23:55,477 --> 00:23:58,197
that sometimes you forget that
out there, you're just one of eleven.

480
00:23:59,856 --> 00:24:04,237
And if you just figure out some
way to turn that "me" into "us"...

481
00:24:06,738 --> 00:24:08,198
the sky's the limit for you.

482
00:24:10,701 --> 00:24:12,490
Was a heck of a goal out there, by the way.

483
00:24:13,412 --> 00:24:14,541
Thanks.

484
00:24:19,667 --> 00:24:22,127
Richmond fall to 13th place.

485
00:24:22,211 --> 00:24:23,961
I'm sure they won't be there very long.

486
00:24:24,047 --> 00:24:25,467
Is that optimism, Chris?

487
00:24:25,548 --> 00:24:27,969
No. Actually, I'm wearing
Obsession by Calvin Klein.

488
00:24:28,050 --> 00:24:30,141
That was fucking embarrassing!

489
00:24:31,180 --> 00:24:33,890
I am equally livid.

490
00:24:33,973 --> 00:24:35,117
-Blimey, mate. -Jesus Christ.

491
00:24:35,142 --> 00:24:36,602
Oh, my God.

492
00:24:36,684 --> 00:24:38,434
-Didn't know he had it in him. -Good lad.

493
00:24:42,231 --> 00:24:43,322
Oh, my God.

494
00:24:53,451 --> 00:24:54,451
Hey, come on now.

495
00:24:55,077 --> 00:24:56,718
Hey, let's shake this one off, all right?

496
00:24:56,747 --> 00:24:59,076
Start getting better
on Monday. Until then...

497
00:24:59,165 --> 00:25:03,586
Hey, DJ Beard-o, why don't you
help pick up the mood in here, all right?

498
00:25:04,962 --> 00:25:07,383
Little Phife Dawg and Q-Tip comin' at you.

499
00:25:08,217 --> 00:25:10,257
Come on now. Everybody get some cake.

500
00:25:10,344 --> 00:25:13,183
You know, it's Sam's birthday. Go
ahead, get some sugar in your system.

501
00:25:13,262 --> 00:25:14,262
Go on now.

502
00:25:22,522 --> 00:25:24,022
Hey, y'all.

503
00:25:24,106 --> 00:25:28,146
I come bearing sweet treats
to numb the sting of defeat.

504
00:25:30,071 --> 00:25:31,622
-Yeah. -Thank you.

505
00:25:31,698 --> 00:25:35,448
And hey, just so you know, we can
play a lot better than we showed today.

506
00:25:37,246 --> 00:25:41,496
I know it would mean a lot to the
guys if y'all just came down, joined in.

507
00:25:41,583 --> 00:25:43,423
Let 'em know you're still in their corner.

508
00:25:44,877 --> 00:25:47,038
That's all the arm twisting
I'm gonna do though, okay?

509
00:25:49,007 --> 00:25:51,507
Ted, you know what might convince me?

510
00:25:52,426 --> 00:25:55,717
If you told me where you
got these delicious biscuits.

511
00:25:56,765 --> 00:25:59,845
Well, if I did that, I wouldn't be able
to bring you more on Monday, would I?

512
00:26:01,769 --> 00:26:03,609
All right. Hope to see y'all downstairs.

513
00:26:04,730 --> 00:26:05,730
It's good cake.

514
00:26:08,317 --> 00:26:10,397
Jamie! Trent Crimm, The Independent.

515
00:26:10,487 --> 00:26:14,527
That was quite a beating
today. How you taking the loss?

516
00:26:15,284 --> 00:26:18,953
Look, it's not just me though, is it?
We're a team. I'm just one of eleven.

517
00:26:20,329 --> 00:26:21,750
-Candy from a baby. -Okay.

518
00:26:21,832 --> 00:26:22,832
They were rubbish.

519
00:26:27,503 --> 00:26:30,423
Fuck it. Yeah, I am taking
it pretty hard, you know?

520
00:26:30,507 --> 00:26:32,886
The rest of them, they're
all in there eating cake.

521
00:26:32,968 --> 00:26:35,137
-Seriously? -Yeah, seriously, mate.

522
00:26:35,220 --> 00:26:38,640
The new gaffer's got music on in
there. It's like a party. It's a joke.

523
00:26:59,869 --> 00:27:03,500
Careful, son. The gaffer's
fixed the water pressure.

524
00:27:05,083 --> 00:27:06,593
I hate losing.

525
00:27:06,667 --> 00:27:08,127
Bird by bird, Coach.

526
00:27:08,211 --> 00:27:10,051
-Good night, Coach. -Night, Coach.

527
00:27:12,883 --> 00:27:14,053
Here's trouble.

528
00:27:14,884 --> 00:27:17,005
-I saw the match. -Yeah? What'd you think?

529
00:27:17,095 --> 00:27:18,255
You were rubbish.

530
00:27:19,096 --> 00:27:20,967
-Yeah, maybe so. -Yeah.

531
00:27:21,057 --> 00:27:22,978
I did wanna get your advice on one thing.

532
00:27:23,977 --> 00:27:26,477
What do you think... Look at that! Got ya!

533
00:27:26,563 --> 00:27:28,573
- Yeah? All right, I underestimated you.
- Yeah.

534
00:27:28,648 --> 00:27:31,209
See, no one sees me coming.
Come on, what you got? What you got?

535
00:27:31,276 --> 00:27:33,605
That was quick. Okay, I'm
gonna take my backpack off now.

536
00:27:33,694 --> 00:27:34,775
We're gonna really do this.

537
00:27:34,863 --> 00:27:37,032
- Let me stretch here a little bit.
- All right. Yeah.

538
00:27:37,115 --> 00:27:39,365
Here we go. Okay. All
right, now you're in trouble.

539
00:27:39,451 --> 00:27:40,790
Get your breath back.

540
00:27:56,969 --> 00:27:58,138
What?

541
00:27:58,220 --> 00:27:59,390
I just sent you the pictures.

542
00:28:04,058 --> 00:28:05,558
That's exactly what I wanted.

543
00:28:07,855 --> 00:28:10,815
The star player's girlfriend
and the new manager.

544
00:28:12,483 --> 00:28:14,074
Are you sure you want to do this?

545
00:28:14,152 --> 00:28:16,491
The press will eat them alive.

546
00:28:27,082 --> 00:28:28,501
Miss Welton?

547
00:28:34,088 --> 00:28:35,169
Do it.

548
00:28:36,305 --> 00:29:36,338
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