physicist Jean Foucault hung a pendulum
from a 200 foot wire-- much as I've done here--
and proved the Earth revolves.
Um, excuse me, Miss Fowl
might I suggest that in the future
oral reports should be shorter
than the life of the person they're about?
Speed it, speed it up, Jimmy.
Because the Earth's rotating beneath the pendulum
any moment now the first domino will move in front of it
and be knocked over.
Cool. When's it going to knock over another one?
In exactly one hour.
( groaning )
15 seconds, Jimmy.
Uh, okay.
He was born poor...
Five, four, three, two, one.
Time's up.
( gonging )
Nick...
your report, please?
Yeah, Nick.
All right, Nick.
Yeah, Nick.
Can I, uh, get some atmospheric lighting here?
In July '97, three normal kids from our town
heading home from an all-night swim meet
decided to take a shortcut through the theme park.
So they hopped the fence.
They may have heard the rumors, but they were all too smart
to believe in... the Phantom of Retroland.
( kids whimpering )
Everybody knows about the Phantom.
He wears a long, black cape.
He has a Genoa salami for a right leg
and he stalks the park after dark
looking for victims to eat.
( all gasping )
Here's an artist's drawing
of what he looks like.
None of them were ever seen again.
( whimpering )
That's my history report.
Okay, in the first place
who ever heard of an all-night swim meet?
Secondly
how do we know Billy's alleged last words
if no one ever saw him again?
And if Mr. Phantom's so hungry
why doesn't he just eat his salami leg?
The whole thing's a myth.
An urban legend.
How small-minded can you be
to try to ruin someone else's
well-researched and fascinating report?
Yeah, there you go.
Excuse me?
Isn't a basic rule of history supposed to be
that it's about stuff that, oh, I don't know...
actually happened?
Jimmy, um, your rambling was really cool and everything
but are you sure you're not, I don't know
maybe a little jealous
'cause Mr. Fouc-Fouc... Forpa never ate nobody?
( ringing )
Every thinking person
knows the Phantom's just a fable.
Oh, obsess, why don't ya?
You're only putting down Nick because
despite all your logic
you're just as scared of the Phantom
as everyone else.
No kid who goes to Retroland after midnight
has ever been seen again.
Tha... that-that is so patently ridiculous
it doesn't even deserve...
A what? A 600-page report
on how ridiculous it is in French?
So, Neutron, I guess you wouldn't be afraid
to go to the park at midnight.
You know, say, if I was to, uh, triple-dog dare you?
Don't do it, Jimmy.
With you dead, I'll be picked last in volleyball.
Fine. I'll go tonight.
And I'll be in class tomorrow
completely unharmed.
How will we know you were really there?
Because I'll take Sheen and Carl as witnesses.
Sheen, the Phantom of Retroland's
going to rip us limb from limb and eat us.
Say something!
You ever notice how Jimmy's hair
is like one of those gum massager things?
It's all swirly and...
What?!
Would you like some more milk to help you get to sleep?
( yawns ): No, thanks, Mom.
I find it more soothing to mentally calculate
the Martin's function for all integers through ten
to the 30th power.
I list all the types of pie, in alphabetical order
starting, of course, with cherry.
Uh, what about apple, dear?
Oh, I forgot apple!
Oh, and blueberry. Blueberry, yes!
And boysenberry, banana cream
banana coconut cream, Boston cream. Right.
Um, black forest, marmalade, um
bing cherry
black cherry...
Activate hologram projector.
( whirring )
Image select.
Skip to Jimmy asleep.
( electrical zapping )
( electrical screeching )
( metal clattering in distance )
( dog barking )
( shoes squeaking )
"Dear Jimmy.
"I can't come with you tonight, as I have decided to join
"the French Foreign Legion. ( door creaking )
This is a decision I do not make lightly, as I h..."
H-Hi, Jimmy.
I thought you said 11:30. ( door closing )
Well, you'd have surely been
on a plane to Algeria by then, Carl.
Glad you could make it, Sheen.
How'd you sneak out?
Oh, I just told my grandma
that I had to go to a deserted theme park
to be eaten by a maniac.
She told me to wear clean underwear.
Let's hop the fence.
Hop the...? Uh, gee, sorry, I can't, Jim.
You know, some people can't whistle
some people can't snap their fingers.
Well, I can't hop.
So, darn it, I guess I'll have to go home.
Bye... It's an expression, Carl.
We're going through the fence
thanks to my oxidation accelerator.
Voila.
The equivalent of 200 years of rust.
( can rattling )
JIMMY: Oh, Mr. Phantom!
Yoo-hoo!
Tasty children, right here.
( sputtering )
Don't Jimmy.
It's one minute to midnight!
( singsong ): Where are you?
Maybe he's on daylight mania time.
What's that?
My autograph book.
The Phantom's going
right here next to my dad.
And Santa Claus.
Hey, wait a minute.
Strangest thing.
The Jimster's in his room, but, uh, so is his playground.
Ooh, I keep telling him to empty his socks
before he comes home.
Uh, no, no, no, monkey pants.
I'm talking about
his entire playground's in his room.
SHEEN: I wonder what order he'll eat us in.
He's kidding, Carl.
No one's going to eat us.
Three, two, one, midnight.
Hah! We did it!
We took a hypothesis
constructed a scientific protocol
and conclusively proved it false.
Take that, Nick and all of your ilk.
You know what I smell, Jimmy?
Victorious truth
rising above the ashes of superstition?
No.
Salami.
( screaming )
Stand your ground.
It's obviously a trick.
Could you sign this, "To Sheen.
With admiration and affection," please?
( growling )
( growls )
( whimpering )
JIMMY: He's not real.
He's a mythical construct.
CARL: Hey, better safe than swallowed, Jimmy.
CARL: Oh, he'll just climb in.
Not if we're moving.
( ticking )
( diesel engine rumbling )
Ha, ha!
Try and get us now, Mr. Deli-Item Leg.
Uh, Sheen?
What?
It's only a three-minute ride.
( ticking )
( raspy laughing )
Wow, usually when I get on these kind of rides
I get real s...
( retching )
Never mind.
( groans in frustration )
Looks like I have to show you
how a myth fares when it faces the withering light of science.
How?
I'm going to repeat
Foucault's classic experiment.
And what, bore him to death?
Goddard, laser beams.
Cut the guardrails off the ride's axis.
( barks )
What is this ride if not a giant pendulum?
Now that it's swinging freely
the Earth will slowly rotate beneath it.
Ah-ha!
So?
So, imagine Mr. Phantom's a domino.
( metal scraping )
Huh?
( grunting )
( Jimmy laughing )
Let's see how scary the Phantom is now.
( groaning )
Ew, what's that smell?
Shoe barf. Sorry.
Hey, hey, I know that voice.
Nick!
I should've known.
Boy, you really showed him. Wham!
Now let's beat it before the real Phantom shows up.
Sheen, there is no real Phantom.
( raspy voice ): I beg to differ.
( screams )
( sniffing ): What's that smell?
You mean your salami leg
his salami leg, or Carl's shoes?
( growling )
( screaming )
( growling )
JIMMY: It's only Cindy and Libby.
But why?
Why?
'Cause nobody likes a smug, smart-alecky, badly coifed
other-person's-class- report-ruining know-it-all!
Everybody knows the stupid Phantom's a myth.
Only you would ruin everyone's fun
by being so pedantic about it.
( raspy voice ): Ah, leaving so soon, huh?
( screams )
( sniffs ): What's that smell?
You mean your salami leg, their salami leg
his salami leg, or Carl's shoes?
All right, whoever you are, the joke's over.
( screaming )
( panting ): Jimmy, what about science?
Science, shmience.
Run for your life!
( giggling )
Ooh, that'll teach that little dickens
to use his hologram projector to sneak out after bedtime.
Let's go, Hugh.
Coming.
Hey, booger of my eye, I think I got 'em all--
every single pie between apple and cherry.
Look at my list.
What about blackberry?
Oh, blackberry, sure.
Tip of the cap, there, Mr. Phantom-Face Terrifying Guy.
( both screaming )
Uh...
Hey, Jimmy, are you in there?
I brought my new hamster, Mr. Wuggles, over.
Want to see him?
( chuckles ): He's so cute.
( buzzing )
( screams )
Kinda busy, Carl.
I'm working on my new teleportation pods.
When they're finished, I'll be able to transmit my atoms
between any two points in an instant.
Ooh... pretty lights.
I can explore a volcano in Hawaii
build a snowman in Iceland
and be back in time for lunch.
Hand me that plasma wrench, will you, Carl?
Huh?
Oh, sure thing, Jim.
( nibbling noises )
( laser buzzing )
( excited panting )
( squeals )
( barking ) ( squeaking )
Carl!
Carl, could you please control your hamster?
Mr. Wuggles, no!
Wuggle, wuggle, wug.
Uh... aah!
Whoa! Ow! Whoa!
( humming )
Don't tell the others, but you're my favorite.
( chuckles )
Hugh... Oh! Hi, honey.
Are you going to spend the entire day
with your duck collection?
Um, just a minute, doe-dumpling.
I'm finishing up the flock's monthly fluff and buff.
Well, I'm going shopping.
Why don't you spend some quality time with Jimmy?
It could be a special father-son day.
That's a great idea.
I used to have those with my aunty all the time.
Only... we called them "aunty-nephew days"
but it's probably the same basic idea.
We could go to the park.
We could, uh... eat cheese!
We could even go to Retroland.
I love those zig-zaggy lines.
They're so... not straight.
( sighs ): Oh, Hugh.
( terrified squeaking )
Okay, nice hamster.
( barking )
Now, one last adjustment
on the Gulanic transducer, and...
( barking )
( buzzer )
( alarm sounds )
Oh, boy.
( no audio )
( whirring and beeping )
( electrical buzzing )
( screams )
( screaming )
( screams )
Jimmy.
Jimbo.
Are you in there, scout?
Jimmy! ( squeaks )
Your head's-- furry and animal-like!
Looks soft, though, eh?
I was going to take you to Retroland
but maybe we should call your mother.
( squeaking )
( chuckles ): Oh, I get it, I get it.
It's just another one of your crazy experiments, isn't it?
It'll wear off, right?
( squeaking )
One twitch for yes, two twitches for no.
( squeaks )
Be careful, now, don't gnaw on the shirt.
( squeaking )
( grunts )
( barking )
( transporter hissing )
Man.
Ugh! I'm putting on weight.
I got to lay off the snickerdoodles.
( gasps )
Leaping leptons!
What have I done to myself?!
Oh, this is awful! Horrible!
( gasping )
Hey... I could never reach that spot before.
Aw, nice.
Aw, yeah...
( growling )
Easy there, boy.
It's me, Jimmy.
When I teleported with Carl's hamster
we must have gotten our atoms mixed.
All we have to do is find Mr. Wuggles and...
( growling )
Uh-oh.
Hey, no! No... ( barking )
( snorting and panting )
Oh!
My own dog thinks I'm a hamster.
It's a good thing the human part of me is completely in control.
It's going to take every ounce of brainpower I have to...
( sniffs )
Are those nuts I smell?
( squeaks )
( nibbling noises )
( cane snaps ) ( screams )
( bystanders screaming )
Listen to everybody scream.
These rides must be scarier than I thought.
What the... ?!
Let me out! Let me out of here!
( screaming hysterically )
What a bunch of scaredy-pants.
I dib the front car.
( squeaks )
Uh, don't eat before you get on the ride.
Uh... hamster sense tingling.
So close.
Ah-ha!
( gobbling )
Mom?
( grunts )
That was close.
Carl, Sheen!
Oh, man, am I glad to see you guys.
I don't believe it.
Jimmy! You're like a hamster...
or gerbil... or dolphin, or something.
Isn't he adorable?
Aw... who's a cute little hamster?
Oh, he's a fat one.
I've got his belly, yes I do.
Come on, Carl, let me hold Jimmy.
Okay, just be careful.
Oh, it's just like Episode 346
"Attack of the Mighty Bird People."
Check it out.
( deep voice ): "I am Hamster Lord.
"I must gnaw on your planet's energy to survive.
Resistance is futile."
Stop it, Sheen.
Jimmy's not some kind of plaything!
Aw, who's got little pawsies?
Who's got widdle pawsies?
That's right, Jimmy's got some, yes, he does.
You got problems, Carl.
All right, that's it!
Cut it out!
I'm not a hamster!
I'm a human being!
Uh, could you scratch under my chin again? Right there?
Oh, yeah... that's the ticket.
Now, listen, you two have got to help me find Mr. Wuggles.
It's the only way I can return to normal.
Return to normal?
But, Jimmy, you're so soft and cuddly.
Yeah!
And as Hamster Lord you could easily defeat
the Lettuce People of Nebula Seven!
Guys, focus!
Listen, sending Wuggles and me back through the teleporter
is the only way to de-scramble our atoms.
Now, can I count on you?
Yeah, I guess, sure. All right, sure.
Okay, here's the plan.
( screeching )
Great plan, Jimmy!
( screaming )
( squeaking )
All right, stop your squeaking.
All right now, glove up.
Eyes on the ball.
Gaylord Perry taught me this one.
It's a knuckleball.
Ready?
( squeals )
Oh, whoops-a-daisy.
That's why they call it the knuckleball.
You got to keep the glove up, Jimmy.
This one's a split-seam fastball.
( squeals )
( groans ) Oh! Rub some dirt in that, son.
( shrieking )
( stammers ): Uh, um...
Y-you know, I'm really high in HDL cholesterol--
that's the bad kind.
( squawks )
( gasps )
A satellite dish!
Hey, what's that?
Yes!
If I could just punch in Goddard's homing code...
( beeping )
( sniffing )
( whirring )
Mmm....
( barks )
( screams )
( shrieks )
Oh, it's no good... ( screeching )
I'm done for!
( sobs )
Goddard!
( growls )
Goddard, it's me. Huh?
Jimmy! Remember, I feed you, walk you
recharge your battery, huh?
( cooing )
( giggles ): Good boy.
I knew you wouldn't eat me.
Hey! Hey! ( growls )
Huh?
It's Mr. Wuggles!
He was with my Dad the whole time.
Quick, Goddard, let's get back to the lab.
You know, maybe instead of eating Jimmy
the hawk will raise him like his own son.
Yeah!
Then Jimmy will be half hamster
half human, and half hawk!
Hi guys!
Oh, look, it's Jimmy.
Jimmy, we're coming!
Keep hope alive!
Jimmy!
♪ Here, vicious little rodent. ♪
♪ Come get some tasty seeds. ♪
Howdy, butter biscuit. Your menfolk are home.
( squeaking )
( screams ): Eww!
Eww! You get it out of here! Eww!
( squeals )
I am getting more traps.
Hang on, Jimbo, I'll get a pliers.
( squeaking )
Do something, Jimmy
'cause your Mom might hurt Mr. Wuggles.
Come on, think.
Think, think...
Hiya, Jimmy.
Brain blast!
Carl, hand me that hamster trail.
Sheen, get my magnifying ray.
I'm going to lure Mr. Wuggles back to the lab
with the one thing no hamster can resist.
( whirring )
Wugga, wugga, wugga, wug.
( squeaks )
( squeaking )
It's working.
Get ready, Carl.
Wugga, wugga, wugga, wug.
Now, Sheen! Initialize!
( buzzer )
( alarm sounds )
( machinery whirring )
Jimbo, you out here?
Come on, now. Mom didn't mean to scare you.
Hugh, that was not our son.
That thing had fur and big teeth and whiskers.
I've been calling him "Furry Jimmy."
Hi, guys.
Hey, Jimbo!
You got your old head back.
I tried to tell your mother we had everything under control
but she never listens to me.
( sighs )
But I-I-I...
I am never leaving you two alone again.
Hmmph!
Well, I guess our little father-son day
was just what you needed, eh, son?
Uh, sure, Dad, if you say so.
( squeaking )
I love you, Mr. Wuggles.
All right! A lizard!
If I use Jimmy's pods to switch bodies with it
I can be Lizard Lord!
Behold, my tongue of doom and tremble.
Tremble!
( screams )
( screaming )
( screams )
Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
and MTV TELEVISION NETWORKS
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
( barking )