Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
and MTV TELEVISION NETWORKS
JIMMY: Gentlemen, I present
Monday-morning-forgotten-report delivery system.
Better known as man's best friend-- Goddard!
Thanks, boy. ( barks )
Hurry up! Let's get to class
before the bell rings.
Yeah.
( gulps )
You don't want to run into...
the hall monitor!
Hey, Neutron, you know the rules.
No dogs at school.
That's a demerit.
And where's your hall pass?
I don't need one, Chuck.
I'm not in the hall and class hasn't started yet.
Hey! Hey! Hey!
( school bell ringing )
Now you need a pass.
That's another demerit.
And you're late to class.
Another demerit.
Have a nice day.
Class, I'm afraid I have some very sad news.
They're canceling the Ultra Lord Show?!
Llamas are extinct?!
No, no, no.
Chuck Lester, our beloved hall monitor
is moving to Greece and...
( sobbing )
will be leaving us.
( wild cheering )
We will now choose the next hall monitor
as directed by the Lindbergh Elementary
( squawks )... constitution
by picking a random name from this hat.
That's the worst, stupidest, most boring job in the world.
( scoffs )
I would hate to be hall monitor.
I want to be hall monitor.
I want to be hall monitor...
Carl Wheezer.
I accept!
I forgot to tell you that your mother left
an extra pair of clean you-know-what... ( clucks )
up at the office.
Now back to the new hall monitor announcement.
It's Jimmy Neutron!
No!!!
This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me.
Being a hall monitor was the best thing
that ever happened to me.
( sighing ): Oh, yeah.
The tight uniform, the smell of the hall
the beautiful noise that my shoes made
when I walked.
( imitating squeaking )
Uh-huh. That's, uh, great, Dad.
But there's a danger hidden beneath the glamour, son.
A man in uniform is a powerful thing.
Don't abuse your position
or it could be really, really...
Oh, what do they call it?
...not good.
Principal Willoughby, can't you get someone else
to be hall monitor?
Jimmy, did you know that the old man you like so much
with the funny hair and the big brain
and the "E equals MC-squared" thingy was a hall monitor?
Albert Einstein was a hall monitor?
Well, I've never read that in the 178 biographies
I've read about him.
Oh, it's a hundred percent true.
( chuckles )
Good luck.
Einstein was a hall monitor.
You know what they say
about a man in uniform, Libby?
Well, it's a lie.
Once a nerdtron, always a nerdtron.
Careful, Cindy.
Jimmy's "The Man" now.
He can get us into trouble.
I can?
Oh, oh, yeah.
I can.
Cut the chitchat, ladies.
Moving it along, and remember--
I'm keeping an eye on you.
( grunts )
Hey, watch where you're going, punk!
You're dead mea... ( gasps )
Oh.
Mr. Hall Monitor, sir.
How clumsy of me.
Uh, I have my pass right here.
( nervous laughter )
Nice to see you. Ciao!
For once this boy genius may have been wrong.
This is a great job.
Congratulations, Jimmy.
I've never seen the halls look so... orderly.
Miss Fowl, we might be looking
at the greatest hall monitor ever!
Maybe even greater than Albert Einstein.
I will bring Lindbergh Elementary
into the new millennium and beyond
with state-of-the art hall monitoring.
And you're going to help me.
( whimpers )
The hall pass authenticator.
Able to detect counterfeit passes.
The IDM background check scanner.
Hear me, flouters of hallway law:
Jimmy Neutron is on the job.
( wheels squeak )
( beeps )
Hi, Jimmy.
Can I touch your uniform?
Halt! Your papers?
I-I have a pass.
I was just going to the bathroom
'cause I always go at 8:47, 9:23
11:42...
JIMMY: Wheezer, Carl.
Bloodtype: O Negative.
Card-carrying member of the Llama Love Society.
Prior arrests: None.
Everything's in order.
Move along.
( whimpering )
( scatting to music )
Nerdtron being hall monitor is the worst thing
that's happened to this school
since they banned extreme jump roping.
( siren blaring ) Ms. Vortex, pull over.
What's the problem, ha?
I believe you've committed a fashion infraction.
Goddard, obtain pants' measurement data.
11 3/4 inches.
Too short for pants, yet too long for shorts.
A direct violation
of the Lindbergh Elementary Fashion Treaty of '97.
Why don't you do something useful and arrest yourself
for being a dork?
Is that music you're listening to?
( giggling ): Yeah.
It's the new song by the cute Multi-cultural Boys With No Attitude.
There is no pop, punk, funkhouse, blues, rock, roll
oldies or easy listening allowed in the halls.
Goddard, confiscate.
Uh-oh... ( gasps )
Music withdrawal!
( shrieks )
Skin... feeling... clammy.
( rattling )
Whoa, that was on the harsh side.
Do you have a problem, citizen?
What's in the gym bag?
W-What?
Hey, Jimmy, it's me-- the Sheenster.
Cut me some slack, homefly.
Goddard, X-ray.
Ultra Lord comic, Ultra Lord action figure
Ultra Lord athletic supporter...
Ah-hah!
And what do we have here?
( sniffs )
A colorfully wrapped sucrose-based chewing substance.
Gum perhaps?
Uh, I wasn't chewing it.
That's possession, Sheen.
You are going down.
Uh, Jimmy, I'm not doing anything wrong
or b-b-bad or evil, am I?
You have exceeded the amount of llama stickers
on your lunch box.
I know, but...
but I got a special permit.
Shh.
I think your friend's hat is on a little too tight.
His hats are always too tight.
Look at his head.
Maybe we should get Principal Willoughby.
Are you conducting
a secret meeting?
Is this a conspiracy to start a riot?
Up against the wall! Spread 'em!
O-Okay, Neutron, you're out of control.
I'm making a citizen's arrest.
I want a public defender!
I want my music!
I want my mommy!
( whining )
And some fudge.
Red alert, Goddard!
This is not drill.
This floor is on lockdown.
Incarcerate the troublemakers.
( blues rhythm ) ♪ I miss my music ♪
♪ Na-na-na-na ♪
♪ I miss it so bad that I could cry ♪
♪ Na-na-na-na ♪
♪ If I don't get my music... ♪
Lady, we don't sing the blues here.
( clinking )
No tin-cup banging, Gum Boy.
Aw, man.
And no carving keys to your cell out of soap.
Um... Mr. Hall Monitor, sir?
Can I go to the bathroom, please?
Yeah... Yeah, me, too!
I got to go to.
All right. You have 60 seconds.
Oh...
I don't know if I can go that fast.
58 seconds.
We got to get out of here, Carl.
But I'm not done yet.
No, I mean get out and get help.
Jimmy's gone nuts.
I have an escape plan.
Check it out.
I'll disguise myself as a rhesus monkey
and shimmy down the fire escape with my feet, and then you...
Goddard, retract and access central toilet system
and flush 'em out.
Surf's up!
( yelling )
What in the name of all things bright and beautiful
is going on?
These hooligans were trying to escape.
Principal Willoughby, Jimmy's unleashed a reign of terror.
Terror!
( grunting )
He is the worst hall monitor ever!
He's still my best friend
but he's gone mad with power!
I'm simply doing my job.
Goddard, hose these radicals down
and put 'em in chains.
Wait a minute.
Goddard, records everything.
He can prove how crazy Jimmy's been
in high definition and Dolby THX.
Yeah. Let's see what man's best friend has up his hard drive.
Hah! He won't show you subversive types anything.
Why not?
'Cause you didn't say
"Goddard, access hall monitor tapes."
Darn.
( no audio )
DAD: But there's a danger hidden beneath the glamour, son.
A man in uniform is a powerful thing.
Hi, Ji-uh-Ji-sonny.
Just dropped by to remind you
not to overdo that whole, uh, hall monitor thing.
I did, and darn if I didn't lose every friend I had.
Buh-bye!
( thud )
( gasps )
Is... Is that really me?
D-Did I become obsessed with power in my quest
to emulate Albert Einstein
and be the greatest hall monitor?
ALL: Yes!
Oh, about Einstein being a hall monitor, Jimmy--
that was my sister Eunice.
( chuckles )
I'm always getting them confused.
KIDS: Eww!
Principal Willoughby, I hereby resign.
( cheering )
I'm afraid that's impossible.
According to the Lindbergh school constitution
hall monitors can't resign.
( squawks )
You have to be fired for breaking the rules.
Hmm... for breaking the rules, eh?
( singsongy ): I'm chewing gum!
I'm playing music!
My pants are too short.
I'm putting too many stickers on my lunch box!
And now, let's pick our next hall monitor!
Carl Wheezer.
Victory is mine!
Your mother called.
She said don't forget to take your... ( squawks )
nose drops.
Oh.
And the new hall monitor is...
Ultra Hall Monitor says, None shall pass!
( school bell ringing )
( kids shouting )
( Sheen yelling )
SHEEN: Seven!
Your llama is sucked into a volcanic sinkhole
where flesh-eating bats will nip at his screaming face.
Sheen!
There aren't any volcanic sinkholes in Llama's Day Out.
Maybe that explains why I'm not having fun.
Hi, Carl.
I ran out of chemicals mid-experiment
and I know you got a chemistry set for your birthday.
SHEEN: Eleven!
Hey, you can use my chemistry set, Jim.
Oh, the potato's not included.
Uh, that's okay.
I assume it comes with a few cc's
of ethyl mercaptin.
Uh... no.
Well, I can work around that.
How about some dimercural sulfonative?
Uh... yeah...? No.
Tritium nitrate?
I've got salt.
Oh...! Pukin' Pluto!
How's a guy supposed to make
a four-dimensional hypercube molecule
without access to the complete spectrum
of inorganic chemicals?!
Welcome to my nightmare.
Here you go, Jimmy.
Check out this leaflet from inside the box.
"Also try our ultra-deluxe model.
Contains every element from aluminum to zirconium."
Now, that's what I'm talking about!
( sighing )
Aw, who am I kidding?
I don't have any money
and my birthday's three months away.
Ah, quit procrastinati.
Ah, forget it; I'm rolling for you.
( chortling ): One.
And Carl's llama falls down.
Down into the sulfurous mud pit.
How the snake god will be pleased.
Hey, how could you roll the one
if there are two dice?
Huh? Oh.
Yeah.
( gasping )
Someone get me the jaws of life!
I wish I could invent g
that would chew up three months of my life.
Summer school-- trust me.
Too bad you can't use your hypno-thingamajiggy
to make your parents think your birthday's next week.
Carl... that's brilliant!
Really? But I said it.
Uh, think about it, Carl.
I mean, my parents enjoy seeing me happy, don't they?
That's true.
It would be selfish to make them wait
another three months to give you a gift
when they could give it to you next week.
Next week?
I can't stand to make them suffer one more day.
To the lab!
Okay, now to set the hypno-command.
( clearing throat )
Tomorrow is Jimmy's birthday.
♪ Here comes Mr. Walking Man ♪
♪ Walk-walk-walking, Walking Man... ♪
( fluttering lips and laughing )
Mom, Dad
look over here.
It's not polite to point, son.
But I guess we can let it slide
'cause it's your birthday tomorrow!
Oh, my gosh!
Hugh-- presents!
Uh, Sweet Petunias, we have to go to the mall for Jimmy.
Oh, and what are you going to buy?
Um, uh... groceries.
Then gift wrap.
Uh, for the... groceries.
Okay. I'll just stay here and play
with my woefully out-of-date chemistry set.
And don't you dare look when we come back.
We want the groceries to be a surprise.
Swift one, Sugar Booger.
Don't burn down the ho.
Buh-bye.
( bleating )
CLOWN: Hey, here's a nother one, kids.
Giggle's special...
Cool party, Neutron
but, uh, aren't you kind of old for the clown thing?
Well, you know parents.
They like thinking that we're all still five years old.
That was amazing!
Did you have to swear a circus oath
to never reveal the source of your clown powers?
Don't make fun of me.
BOTH: Happy Birthday, Jimmy!
Oh, thanks, Mom and Dad.
Remember when we said we were getting groceries?
Well, we got some, and then we stopped and got this!
No! Yeah.
I was utterly fooled.
You're having a birthday party
and you didn't even invite us, Neutron?
Not that we'd want to come.
Sorry. It was kind of unexpected.
What do you mean?
Don't you know when your own birthday is?
Yes, of course.
In fact, I have another one
coming up in a couple months.
Cindy, Libby--
have some cake and goody bags.
Hi, how's it going?
So, which kid is yours?
I'm the clown.
Oh. I didn't, uh, want to assume.
Well, in this house, we never judge people
by the... multicolor of their skin.
Ah, great birthday.
Great four-dimensional hypercube.
Good night, Goddard.
( snoring )
BOTH: Happy Birthday, Jimmy!
Did you say today's my birthday?
( laughing ): That's right!
Your party's already started.
We called all your friends.
And almost half of them called us back.
We even hired...
A clown! A clown!
( bleating )
That's awesome!
No, it's better than awesome.
It's clownificent!
Let me guess, Neutron.
You've finally driven your parents insane.
We know something's going on
and we're going to find out what.
Cindy, Libby, have some cake and goody bags.
You were saying?
BOTH: Happy Birthday, Jimmy!
Hiya, Clownie!
( gulping )
I thought you were only going to do this once, Jimmy.
I must have worded the hypno-command wrong.
I'll undo it right now.
Although
I could use a few more beakers and test tubes.
BOTH: Happy Birthday, Jimmy!
Three birthday parties in a row.
You're one lucky dude,.
Jimmy's not lucky.
He's a genius.
Yeah. I'm going to Jimmy's birthday
every day for the rest of my life.
Happy seventh birthday this week, Jim.
Um, I kind of ran out of gift ideas
so, I brought you
some meat from my refr.
How about the quarter behind the ear?
You did that yesterday.
I could make my hair go up and down.
You did that one Thursday.
( chanting ): New tricks, new tricks, new tricks...!
Cindy, Libby, have some cake and goody bags.
( burping )
No, thanks, Mrs. Neutron.
Do you have any carrot sticks
or maybe some antacid?
Live a little, girls!
Jimmy's birthday only comes once a year.
And now I'm going to, um...
pull a mysterious label out of my hat.
"Dry clean only."
( morose chuckle )
( listless booing )
Come on.
No donkey is safe
from my awesome tail- pinning abilities.
CARL: Hey, what are you... ow!
SHEEN: Oops, my bad, Carl.
Ow. No offense, Jimmy
but if you wanted to skip your birthday for a few days...
I wouldn't mind.
Ugh. Yeah, I'm getting a little tired
of the party bit myself, Carl.
I guess nothing lasts forever.
Except summer school.
Trust me.
Hypno-beam, reprogram.
Okay, here's a new one.
I take something from the audience
and hit it with a hammer.
That will do just fine. Hey, hey, no!
No, wait, it says
put it under a hankie and pretend to hit it.
Anyone got a hankie?
I'm stuck in my birthday.
Mom, Dad, um, listen
is it okay if I don't have a birthday party today?
Well, of course you're not having
a birthday party today, Jimbo.
You're going off to college!
College?!
BOTH: Happy 18th birthday!
And since we seem to be up to our chinny-chin-chins
in massive, paralyzing debt, Mr. Giggles
will be moving into your room.
( giggling )
I never get tired of that one.
Whoa, wait!
I'm not 18!
You can't just give my bedroom away
to some creepy circus performer.
See you downstairs at your going-away party.
Ah, this is the life.
Say, could you teach me how to get my hair
in that ridiculous shape?
So, you see, you were hypnotized the whole time.
I'm still just a kid, really.
I like sugary cereals, and, uh
I think girls are icky, and everything.
Surprise! Surprise!
We know it's not really your birthday, Jimmy.
You... you know?
Yes, we know.
When Mr. Giggles broke your thingamajig
it undid that dark and sinister hold you had over our thoughts.
From now on, you'll just have to wait for your birthday
like everyone else.
Oh, and Carl's mom wants her meat back.
I'm sorry I tricked you guys
but your parties were so much fun... for awhile.
Jimmy, clowns and balloons don't make kids happy.
Moms and dads
make kids happy.
Well, what a lovely sentiment, Mr. Giggles.
You've got a heart as big as your shoes.
Thanks. Here's my bill.
Holy polka dots!
Uh, if you need me
I'll be reflecting on how fortunate I am
to have such forgiving parents. Bye.
Not so fast, young man.
There's still the matter of your punishment.
No one with
a genius IQ should have to scrub floors
to pay off a clown.
How long does this go on for?
Forever. Trust me.
( yelling )
( bleating )
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org