Check it out.
I'm a speed demon.
You getting this, baby?
WOMAN: Sure am, honey.
Whoo-hoo!
ANNOUNCER: You're watching vacation footage
of Steve and Jenny Bissell, who set out for paradise
but sailed smack-dab into the mystery
of the Bahama Quadrangle.
Uh, honey, what's the deal with this fog?
Uh, I don't know.
Steve, I'm frightened.
Well, don't panic, it's probably nothing.
H-Hey! What's happening?
Steve, where are you?
Honey! Steve?
No! Stay back!
( screaming )
( static crackling )
ANNOUNCER: They were never seen again.
Had the Bahama Quadrangle taken two more victims
into its watery clutches?
Cool.
Spooky.
Oh, what a bunch of baloney.
You don't believe the Bahama Quadrangle is haunted, do you?
How else do you explain
all the boats and planes that went missing there?
It could be anything--
sudden tornadoes, freak electrical storms...
Ghosts of the undead hoarding human flesh
to feed their ravenous hunger.
Sheen, do you even believe half the stuff you say?
Yes.
Or do I?
Well, have you ever been there, Jimmy?
No, but I've read all about it.
It's where one of my favorite scientists, Dr. Sydney Moist,
used to conduct
his groundbreaking oceanographic research.
CARL: Used to?
What happened to him?
He went missing.
Aha!
That's just a coincidence.
It's sorcery, I tells you!
Or evil porpoises.
Or fish-headed octo-men.
Get up.
Where we going?
To the Bahama Quadrangle, so I can prove
that this "mystery" is perfectly explainable.
Mmm... nah.
I'll pass.
Fine, then we'll start our essays
on the Habsburg Empire.
Quadrangle it is.
Right behind you, Captain.
SHEEN: Are we there yet?
How about now?
Are we there now?
How about now?
CARL: I hope it's soon.
I need to use the little boys' ocean.
According to the Neutronic positioning unit,
we're now entering the Bahama Quadrangle.
Notice the complete lack of anything creepy...
( electronic interference )
Until now.
Uh, Jimmy, flying into a fog bank
on a perfectly sunny day is normal, right?
Of course it is.
Happens all the time, right, Jimmy?
Actually...
We're doomed!
We're not doomed.
The only thing to fear is total engine failure.
( engine sputters and stalls )
Now we're doomed.
( all shouting )
( splash )
Guys, there's something fishy going on here.
Fishy? As in evil porpoises?
Well, this was fun.
Let's go home!
Carl, we need to go underwater and investigate.
Everyone take some air-gum.
( all chewing )
Okay, now if we get lost, let's meet back here so we don't...
( shrieking ): Wait for me!
Jimmy was right-- nothing mysterious here.
Bye!
That's strange.
I'm picking up humanoid bio-signs from that direction.
Follow me.
SHEEN: Can't we just take a moment to appreciate this?
We're young, we're in the Bahamas,
we've got our whole lives ahead of us.
Perhaps I spoke too soon!
Jimmy, what's happening?
I don't know.
Can't... fight... current!
Too strong!
( shouts )
This place has seen the last of my tourist dollars.
( shouts )
All right, Evil Porpoise,
I don't like you and you don't like me, so...
( shouts )
Yike!
( grunts )
( shouts )
( screams )
Good-bye, world!
The horror!
So, where are we anyway?
Seaweed.
It looks like we've been sucked
into some sort of kelp processing plant.
MAN: Bravo!
Excellent deduction.
Hey, Jimmy, isn't that...
Dr. Sydney Moist, the world's leading researcher
in the field of phytochemical compounds.
And a deliciously graceful tap dancer.
( rhythmically ): Pah, pah, pah, pah, pah.
Yeah!
But you were reported dead years ago.
Oh, I can assure you I'm quite alive--
marvelously, resplendently alive!
And Charleston.
Huh!
( scatting )
Hey, Jimmy, you didn't tell us
Dr. Moist was completely out of his... ( grunts )
Ah, my apologies for sucking you into my lab.
The ocean is full of spies.
But enough jibber-jabber-- who's hungry, hmm?
Nipsey, Russell!
( tinkles bell )
SHEEN: Oh, look!
Dr. Nut-job has some slimy green friends.
MOIST: Show our guests to the table.
I hope you boys are hungry.
Incredible!
They're some type of plankto-humanoid life forms.
MOIST: I decided to make men out of algae.
I call them... "Algae-men"!
And I thought he was insane.
Well, eat up, there's plenty for everyone.
( flatly ): Mmm.
It's scrumptious.
( gags )
Yum, yum.
( meekly ): Yeah, that really hits the spot.
( whimpers )
Why live underwater when you could share
with other scientists?
Ha!
Never!
They all laughed at me and called me "Dr. Loony-pants."
Well, who's laughing now, hmm?
Who's crazy now?!
( laughs maniacally )
I'll go check on dessert.
Guys, what'd I tell you?
There's nothing mysterious about the Bahama Quadrangle.
Oh, no?
We're having dinner at the bottom of the ocean
with a crazy lunatic and his seaweed friends.
Okay, granted, he's a little eccentric...
A little eccentric?!
The guy's crazier than a sackful of spider monkeys!
So, how are we doing, hmm?
Dr. Moist, can you explain to my friends here
that there's nothing mysterious about the Bahama Quadrangle?
I'd be happy to...
right after your transformation.
( gulps )
Transformation?
Into algae-men, just like all the other fools
who've passed this way to spy on me!
Huh?
That's right--
your food was chockfull of mutant algae seeds.
Huh?
Which even as we speak
are infusing your every cell with kelpy goodness!
Huh?
Guys, I'm turning green!
But you ate it, too-- we saw you.
Yes, but I have the antidote.
( gulping loudly )
Ah, that is good antidote!
( knocks softly )
You're insane!
Oh, gee, you think?
What was your first clue?
Seize them!
( boys yelling )
So, Dr. Moist kidnaps anyone in the Bahama Quadrangle
and turns them into algae-based manservants.
I told you it wasn't anything supernatural.
Gee, you were right, Jimmy.
I'd congratulate you if I weren't being turned
into a 85-pound walking salad!
Oh, I don't know, maybe being algae isn't so bad.
I mean, all we have to do is keep our coats moist and slimy.
And be butlers to a tap-happy mental case!
Oh, right.
That's it!
What's it?
Every room in the lab
is kept humid so the algae-men can thrive.
So?
So watch.
( explosion )
( coughing violently )
It's working.
( coughing continues )
( keys rattle on floor )
Now we get his keys.
♪ I knew a young lady named Eloise Crocker ♪
♪ Whose beauty could knock a man right off his rocker ♪
♪ Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want to knock her ♪
♪ But she stank like the sweat socks in Davy Jones' locker. ♪
( control thuds )
Guys,
you distract the algae-men while I go for the antidote.
Right.
Shall we?
Do let's.
Step right up, fellas.
Find the pretty lady.
That's right-- find the pretty lady.
Nobody goes home a loser.
( Moist scatting )
( knocks softly )
An electrical-vectors entry?
I expected more from Dr. Moist.
( scatting while tap-dancing )
Or not.
( explosion )
CARL: That's right-- up and down and all around.
Find the pretty lady.
Oh! Tough luck, chief.
( both growling )
( laughs nervously )
Carl, Sheen-- catch!
Oh, wait, this isn't high in sodium, is it?
Because I'm not supposed... ( screams )
( Carl gulping )
CARL: Yay, I'm pasty again!
( scatting )
You'll never escape!
My algae-men will get you!
I'd like to see them try!
Yeah!
You would?
Crush them!
( algae-men groaning menacingly )
Guys, chew as much air-gum as you can.
Sorry, it's my breath, isn't it?
No, Carl, algae thrives on CO2.
There's enough in this gum
to cause the algae-men to grow exponentially.
And how is that good again?
JIMMY: No time to explain.
Chew for your lives!
Quick, guys, follow me.
( algae-men groaning )
( screams )
Stop! What are you doing?
Stop growing this instant!
Don't make me do my angry dance!
No!
( voice becomes muffled )
Swim! Hurry!
( loud explosion, Carl screaming )
( both scream )
( Carl screaming )
( splash )
We did it.
Dr. Moist's reign of terror is over.
The mystery of the Bahama Quadrangle is solved.
I'm just glad it wasn't evil porpoises.
That would have been terrifying.
Oh, not again with the fog.
( high-pitched whining )
JIMMY: Uh, guys?
What say we let this mystery slide?
( aliens whining )
( boys screaming )
( music playing )
Can you turn off the music?
Sorry.
JIMMY: Notice the Miscellana octoria's distinctive tibial spurs
and sclerotized pedipalps.
Fascinating.
Can you make it do the hokey-pokey?
Sheen, go home.
Guys! Guys! Guys!
I've got a girlfriend!
Huh? ( gasps )
Who is she?
Well, she's my pen pal from Sweden
and she's coming to Retroville and her name is Elke Ekberg.
That was weird.
I thought I heard Carl say he had a girlfriend.
I do!
Here's her picture.
( gasps )
She's a teen model, tennis star, gymnast, masseuse
and ballet dancer.
Don't take this the wrong way, Carl,
but you're kind of a nerd.
What does she see in you?
Well, I sent her some pictures.
SHEEN: Man...
where was I when you did all this stuff?
Carl, these are all pictures of me!
I didn't think she'd like a hefty boy with glasses
who's into llamas and sleeps with a blanky
and has unsightly spots all over his...
Too much information!
So I told her I was a boy genius
and I invented cool stuff and had a neat lab.
So you said you were me.
Huh? Oh, yeah, kind of.
Anyway, Elke has a one-day stopover in Retroville
on her way to a tennis tournament,
and I'm afraid when she sees me,
she'll find out I've been lying to her.
Because you have!
Huh? Oh, yeah, kind of.
And then she won't like me anymore.
And by you, you mean me!
Huh? Oh, yeah, kind of.
If you're looking for help, count me out!
Come on, Jimmy, just let Carl pretend to be you.
He could show her some inventions,
fly her in the hover car, and she'll never know.
I'm not letting Carl touch my stuff.
Oh, please, Jimmy.
This may be my only chance to impress
a tennis-playing, teen-modeling,
ballet-dancing, gymnasticking masseuse.
Yeah, come on, Jimmy.
Okay, for one day only you can be Carl Wheezer, Boy Genius.
Yay, thanks, Jim!
You're the best friend in the whole world.
Oh, by the way, I told her you're my dimwitted assistant.
What?!
I said you were an experiment
that went horribly wrong.
Sweet!
You think I should put on something nice to meet her?
( softly ): Like a mask.
Carl, what you need is a total makeover
from nerd guy to science guy.
( mechanicals whirring )
CARL: There she is.
( bashfully ): Elke...
Ja.
Carl Wheezer!
Hi, I'm, um...
My dimwitted assistant.
Take Elke's bag, and be quick!
I'm Sheen.
He really used to be a monkey?
Monkey? What kind-- flying monkey, squirrel monkey,
a chunky, funky monkey?
Ooh, I love your car which hovers.
Yeah, well, it's just a little something
I threw together one afternoon.
Après vous.
Oh, that's French for "get in."
Okay, uh...
Go ahead, Boy Genius, start her up.
CARL: Hmm, let's see...
I'll, uh, maybe...
May I suggest that instead of the arm-missiles button,
you push the one right below it?
I know what button to push!
I was just testing you.
I'm teaching him how to drive.
Yeah, I'll teach you how to...
Okay, Monkey Boy says, "Let's get this show on the road."
( engine roaring )
It is so nice to finally meet you in the person.
You are such the genius.
♪ His name was Rico ♪
♪ He was a showboy... ♪
( screams )
Uh, Dimwitted Assistant, remember what I taught you
about getting the hover car under control?!
( horns honking )
Whew.
Are you okay, Elke?
Ja.
You nincompoop!
You must have put the wrong fuel in my hover car!
What? Your hover car?!
I... Ugh!
Sorry, Carl.
My mistake.
Well, don't ever let it happen again,
and it's Mr. Wheezer to you.
You just can't get good help these days.
May we go to see your lab now?
You got it.
To the lab, Dimwitted Assistant.
Uh, yes, sir.
"Yes, sir, Mr. Wheezer."
Ooh... ah... ooh... ah...!
Don't you love the Swedish language?
Carl, what are these fantastic things?
Uh...
Yes, Mr. Wheezer, go ahead,
tell her what all these inventions are
and how they work.
Okay, well, that's
the bring-back-people-from- another-time machiney thingy.
And that's the thingy that goes ( blows raspberry )
and that's the yellow thingy, I know that.
"Yellow thingy"-- you are so the modest boy.
Oh, well...
Can you bring back my favorite Swedish poet, Ingmar Ibsen?
Of course.
I'm a genius, aren't I?
Now, let me see...
Poet, poet... I...
Oh, yeah, I think it's these ones.
Mr. Wheezer, wait!
( grunting madly )
Attila the Hun!
Is he a poet?
No, he's one of the most ferocious warriors of all time.
( grunting madly )
ATTILA: Destroy! Attack! Kill!
Maim! Conquer! Pinch!
( grunting madly )
JIMMY: That's my...
uh, I mean Carl's nuclear reactor.
He could set off a radioactive meltdown!
You make with the saving the day now, Carl?
Uh, y-y-yeah, yeah.
( grunting )
Who wants fudge brownies?
Brownies?
Plain or with nuts?
Nuts.
Nuts?!
Nuts!
( cheering )
Whew.
You supreme bonehead,
this was all your fault!
You must have got bubble gum in my machine!
You're fired!
I'm what?!
Take off!
Okay, I will, and you're coming with me.
But I want a brownie, too.
Is so much adventure, Carl.
Maybe I go now.
I call you later.
Wait, wait, wait, Elke, Elke, don't go.
I haven't shown you my, uh, rocket.
Come on.
No, but I...
I got kicked out of my own lab.
I'm the genius, not that llama-loving jerk.
I'm going back in there
and tell Elke the truth.
No, Jimmy, this may be Carl's one chance at love,
and Elke might have a sister, or twin, or cousin,
or youngish aunt, or what about...
If Carl touches one thing in there,
if he moves one atom...
if he even breathes on anything...
CARL: Next stop: the moon!
You were saying?
He's out of control!
Relax, he's probably just writing her name in the sky.
Must be the Swedish spelling.
( Carl screaming )
Carl, it's too fast.
Make with the slowing down.
How about I point out interesting things in space, okay?
Um... that's a big flying rock,
and that's another big flying rock,
and that's a gigantic flying rock
coming right at us!
I've got to get him out of the meteor shower.
Look-- Dimwitted Assistant and Former Monkey.
( rockets approaching )
( all screaming )
( all moaning )
Carl, I... I must say to you something.
Hold that thought.
Way to go, Dimwitted Assistant!
I had everything under control
until you messed it up!
Under control?!
I saved your life, Genius!
Go home and play with your llamas,
you big, dumb, dummy, dopey, little-brain, dum-dum dummy.
Okay, that's it, Wheezer.
Elke, you want to know the truth?
Jimmy, no!
Remember that cute Swedish sister or neighbor.
Think of the accent, the meatballs,
the socialized medicine.
Abba!
Carl, I have confession to make.
I'm not teen model, tennis star
or other cool things.
I am just simple farm girl who comes here with parents
to buy llama feed from American cousin.
You mean...
Ja, I am big fake!
I am not right
for genius boy of many adventures.
No!
I'm a big fake, too!
What?
Yeah, I'm a nerd.
I don't even know how to spell "science,"
and I love llamas more than people.
No, Carl, don't try
to make me feel better with lies.
But I...
Sheen, let me go!
Wait!
ELKE: Llama Love Society?
I'm a member, too!
Your photo is nice, too.
Oh, Carl, it is the truth.
You were lying.
You are a nerd.
A heavyset, glasses-wearing nerd with a blanky and many fears
and numerous medical problems.
Come.
Let me kiss you so many times, Nerd Boy.
Hey, I'm a nerd!
I'm a nerd, too!
I'm a huge nerd.
I'm the nerdiest kid in town.
Elke, there's a brand-new baby llama
at the petting zoo.
What are we doing here?
Let's boogie!
What just happened here?
Oh, love is strange, Jimmy.
It's like the Swedish poet once said,
"Herda gerda gaberda
shamerda curla hurla herda..."
Just stop it.
Okay.
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
Hola, soy Pablo.
JIMMY: Got to blast!