**
Maybe a little time in here
will help you think about what you did, Watterson.
Hello. You're Julius Oppenheimmer Jr., right?
I'm Darwin. We met last year in the school yard.
Are you the one who screams when his arms come off?
Mnh-mnh. Are you the one who
passes out when he's held upside-down for four hours?
Nope! Are you the one who has
trouble walking when his legs are pulled off
then put back on the wrong way around?
I'll give you a clue -- two weeks of physiotherapy
and a forever-whistling nose.
Oh, yeah!
You hang out with the blue one with the big head
who I turned inside-out.
So, how come you're in dental-tension?
It's called "detention," and I'm here 'cause I had
a little trouble with my art project.
"Vandalism"? Detention!
And what are you in for?
Same sort of thing.
"Vandalism is bad"?
Admirable sentiment, but still vandalism.
Detention!
So, what do you do in detention?
Well, I was gonna start with a bit of popping.
Popping? Man, I love breakdancing!
Then I guess some mauling.
Going to the mall? Uh-huh!
And to finish, some trampling.
They have a trampoline now?
Aw, man! Detention sounds great.
I guess they must be going for
a Scandinavian-rehabilitation approach.
You're pretty naive.
I bet you're easy to manipulate.
I'll do it!
What? Oh, sorry.
I thought you wanted me to do something.
Would -- would you like me to do something?
Hold that thought.
I got one. He'll do whatever I say,
and we'll never get in trouble again.
He's a real sucker. How do I know?
Because he's holding the phone for me right now.
Want to come hang out with a bunch of older kids
who have a reputation for being mean and manipulative?
Do I?
Yes, you do. Yes, I do!
He's perfect. Let's go.
Wow! You guys are so friendly.
It's almost, like, too friendly,
but of course there's no such thing.
So, what are your names?
I'm Reaper. I'm Scythe.
And I'm Phillip.
No, dude, that's your real name.
And I'm Mowdown.
Reaper, Scythe and Mowdown. Cool nicknames.
So, I guess you're from farming families,
or really into agriculture or something?
Told you he was perfect.
So, do you guys have a secret handshake?
I got one you can have -- look!
Then the other guy goes...
Then -- that bit obviously works better if there's two butts.
He's beyond perfect.
He's the unicorn of fools -- the foolicorn.
And I can make him do anything.
Hey, go clean out that old woman's purse.
**
Huh?
**
Hmm?
Oh!
**
All cleaned out.
Okay, we'll try something else.
Get a $1,000 worth of pizza delivered
to the police precinct
with extra bacon.
Got it!
Pizza delivery!
Ah-ah!
Ah!
Wait. Why is that cop waving at us?
Because of your generosity. What do you mean?
When the pizza place asked who it was from,
I said you and luckily they already had
your credit-card details!
It was supposed to be cash on delivery.
How is that a prank otherwise?!
Well, it is kind of a prank, just not on them.
Hey, guys. Thanks for the pizzas,
although to make sure it doesn't look like a bribe,
I'm going to have to fine you for loitering.
I'm having a great time.
Okay, guys, give me one more chance to prove
he's an easy mark.
Er, my name's "Darwin" -- just saying.
Okay, you see that nice, clean van over there?
You're gonna cover it in dirt.
Right away.
Wow! She looks great!
I was thinking Janice could do with a little facelift.
Here.
Thank you, sir.
I guess the money should go to the boss.
-Thanks. -Yo, who's to say
I'm not the boss? Or me?
Yeah, you're not the leader.
You don't have what it takes.
Oh yeah? Well take this!
Owwww!
Didn't hurt.
I love you
this much! Ignore that!
I hate you this much!
Why you...
Stop!
Why?
Because you guys got to get along,
and what better way than with a song?
* With a friend, fun will never end *
* You can depend on the time you sp-- *
Forget it!
He ain't no friend of mine.
Hey! Come back here!
You're not the boss of us.
You can't even convince a little kid
to do a single bad thing.
Aw. I had another 23 things that rhymed with "Friend."
I'll show them.
I'm the master manipulator. I can make you do anything.
Come on, let's jam.
Just come in whenever you like.
**
Okay, you're gonna go and leave a little surprise
in the pool...
using this detergent.
But trespassing is wrong.
It's one of the seven sins --
along with pride, wrath, Sleepy, Dopey, Blitzen --
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! It's not trespassing
if it's for a good cause, heh.
Why is this a good cause?
Because every child deserves access to clean water?
That is the most
charitable thing I've ever heard!
Okay, how am I gonna do this?
Just use your head, kid.
Okay!
What are you doing?!
Using my head. Here, use this.
Thank you.
Why did you do that?!
To pay for the damage to the door.
No, it was to open the door.
It's got my name and address on it.
Oh, cool, then they'll be able to return it.
Come here. We got to get it back.
On the count of three, I'll lift it up and you drop and roll.
One, two, three.
No, you're supposed to go in and get --
Aah!!
Give me your phone.
My friend has hurt his foot,
and he needs medical assistance.
Who is that? 911.
Are you crazy?! Don't worry.
I'm not gonna be all like, "Oh, yeah, my friend
Julius Oppenheimmer Jr. who lives on Park Road
broke his foot while trying to trespass at the public pool."
What?!
I mean, "This is an anonymous call"!
You just gave them my name and address!
Aah -- anonymously.
And they can trace the call!
Not anymore. My phone!
Just help me get my foot out!
Thanks for nothing!
Aah, they're coming! You got to help me.
Oh, no, they're gonna see us!
Quick, let's kiss to hide our faces.
It always works in spy movies.
No, no, no, no, no!
Sorry.
I'm fine. And given the choice,
I'd take this option again.
No, no, no -- I can't -- I can't walk much further.
I'm gonna need some wheels.
Go and take someone's bike or something.
Wait, that sounds like another bad thing.
Well, if you do this one bad thing now,
we can do two good things later to make up for it.
You mean like how the Romans invaded half of the world,
but then invented sandals and ice cream?
I don't think the Romans invented ice cream.
Okay just sandals then, there's two of them.
Ahh, just get on with it.
Yes. Sorry.
I commandeer this vehicle!
Dude! That was my girlfriend!
Quick! Let's kiss before she sees you.
Julius, a text would have been enough.
No, no, no! Wait! Debbie, I can explain!
Aah!
What have you done?!
I've lost my girlfriend, my crew,
the police are after me, they've got my address,
my parents will be mad at me.
You've ruined me!
Who would've thought my life could've been destroyed
by a dumb sucker who lives in a world
of kittens and rainbows?
Julius, stop. You're not making sense.
In a world of kittens and rainbows,
what would the kittens eat?
Just go.
N-now?
Immediately.
No! I'm gonna fix this.
Wait for me at the bus stop in half an hour.
**
All fixed!
Really? How? Well, first...
I spoke to your friends, and they all agreed
that you had to stick together
after I told the Bikers your crew declared
war on them.
What?
Wait, what? The Bikers?
Yeah, and then I patched things up with your girlfriend.
You're getting married on Saturday.
Oh! I also fixed the situation with the police.
Oh, let me guess -- by making my life worse?
No -- by making your father's life worse.
I told them that it was Julius Oppenheimmer Senior
who tried to break into the pool.
Oh!
Were the coupons expired?
What? My Dad's been arrested?
My Mom's gonna go nuts when she finds out!
She won't. She's being deported.
But why?!
I changed her passport to one from Switzenburgenstan.
That's not even a country!
Which is why they're going to dump her
in unchartered waters right about now.
Thank you for flying with us.
You've made everything worse.
What?
It was a joke!
What? None of that happened?
No! Now who's easy to manipulate?
And don't worry, I fixed everything
with your crew and your girlfriend.
Oh.
Well, I guess this shows if you bully someone enough,
it'll eventually backfire so spectacularly
that it'll teach you a valuable life lesson.
Which is...?
I should bully even more people
to learn extra life lessons.
What? No! The lesson is...
Oo-o-oh! You made a joke!
Look, man, I'm sorry. You're no sucker.
And you're right, the world needs more buddies,
not more bullies.
Want to hug it out?
As long as there's no kissing.
Oh, but wait. What about my parents?
Are they still mad at me?
Not after they get the cake you sent them.
What? Mm-hmm.
The one with "Sorry" spelled out in sparklers?
Thanks, buddy.
Huh?
You did good, kid. You did -- wait.
Did you just say a cake with sparkl--
**