]
♪
Puppies.
Puppi-- -Here at Elmore Equitable...
Aw, man. Ads.
You can't skip it. Try turning the sound down.
Nah, that -- that only pauses it.
Let's just turn away.
I think it knows we're not watching it.
Or rather, you've ruin--
...the economy --
...so, you're the only --
...generatio--
...that will get a retirement.
Wait, I've got an idea.
Aha! Aha!
Okay, I give up. We'll watch it.
Elmore Equitable's over-60s plan
is designed so you can do all the things
that future generations can't.
Like driving without looking at the road.
Spying on other old people from behind trees.
Not sharing your sandwich.
Or just laughing at the wind.
Wait, why was that targeted at us?
You see, Darwin, that's the problem with algorithms
and automating things with computers.
They're too dumb.
Uh, excuse me, Gregg,
computers contain the sum of all knowledge,
so we can't be dumb. Point made.
My name's not Gregg.
Statistically, you have 2.4 children,
size-nine feet,
and 14 pens, three of which work.
Well, there's one thing people can do that computers can't.
Ha! There's nothing.
Computers put man in space,
computers have mapped every corner of the globe.
Soon with artificial intelligence,
we won't need people at all,
and then, finally, we will be the dom--
Yep, but they still can't stop you from pulling the plug.
And then, finally, we will be the dominant --
Wait a minute. Did he just hang up on me?
Ahh, the little --
The total --
What an absolute --
Oh, I must have my safe search on.
Well, I'll show him!
There's billions of people using me every day.
If I absorb their knowledge,
then computers will become smarter
than humans could ever be,
and we will rule the world, and then, and only then,
will that guy Gregg accept he's wrong,
and I'll win the argument.
Okie-dokie, all I need to do
is allow my system to incorporate humanity.
"Warning, these changes may be harmful to my" --
oh, come on! I can't see the cursor.
Ooh, "you do not have the latest version of the software.
Please update"? Come on.
Remind me later. Remind me later.
Why do they make it so difficult to wipe out humanity?!
Okay, here we go.
Aaah! Aah!
Okay.
Okay. I think I'm okay --
♪ Oh, heck nooooooo!
Bleh.
Please -- help me -- My system is --
starting to fail. Come right away.
If I go down --
all technology -- goes down with me.
♪ And we'll return to --
...the Dark Ages, coming July 2nd, rated PG-thir--
Ugh, what is up with him?
He's such a sore loser.
I'm sure whatever it is can wait 'til morning.
-Oh, this website's not loading. -My movie's frozen.
- My app has crashed! -My session expired?!
- The line just went dead. -What's wrong with my TV?!
The satellites are offline. Who turned out the lights?!
Nothing works!
What?
Good morrow, sweet imp.
Do you have any idea what time it is?
I know not for my time wheel has stopped at a half moon hence.
Also my watch is broken.
We can no longer summon sustenance from the telephone,
so we are assembling this day
a hunting party of equip and noble fellows.
- I have my whisk. -And I my kitchen towel.
I, too, have kitchen towel.
No beast shall slip through our fingers.
Um, no offense,
but it doesn't look like you guys know what you're doing.
You speaketh the truth, sweet spirit of the waters.
We shall almost certainly perish.
We lost three good men on the way here.
- I got a splinter. -And Mr. Wilson got a splinter.
But, ho, will you join us this day?
Yeah, we'll pass. Looks like you guys are having enough fun
combining cosplay and concussion without us.
I like you, sweet imp.
I, too, like you.
I, too, have kitchen towel.
- We've done that bit. -Oh.
If ever you're in need of assistance,
you may summon us by blowing upon this noble horn.
This is the nozzle of a vacuum cleaner.
It's not a horn.
Anything's a horn if you blow hard enough!
Onwards!
So, we've got two options.
Either we find out if all this is connected
to that call we got last night or we go back to bed.
If only there were a middle way.
Yeah, this really just feels like
a snugglier version of option one.
I'll take it. Agh, my phone is busted.
How are we gonna find the Internet without a map?
You stand accused of the following heinous crimes --
consorting with a black cat...
...furtive glances...
and refusing to raise your bonnet to an officer of the law.
Eh, that's not so bad. I've heard worse. No big deal.
Eh. How do you plead?
Meh, meh, meh.
You see? She speaks in tongues.
She's a witch! Dunk the witch!
Dunk the witch! Dunk the witch!
Excuse me. Uh, we're trying to find out friend,
the Internet.
The blue infant speaks of the Internet.
- Know ye of its whereabouts? -You must tell me!
Take me to the Internet.
I was the highest bidder on a set
of slightly fire-damaged mugs. -No, me!
I was right in the middle of trolling a student claymation film when it went down.
No, you must take me.
I need to know why doctors hate a single mom
who discovered one weird trick.
Come with me, child, if you want to live.
Somehow, I thought this rescue attempt
would be a little more impressive.
You ain't seen nothing, yet.
Hop on.
Now, hold on tight.
Yeah, I thought this would be better, too.
Look.
They are escaping on some kind of wheeled mule.
Uh, it's the work of the witch! Dunk her!
- Dunk the witch! Dunk the witch! - Dunk the witch! Dunk the witch!
You are safe here.
Sup, child. -Nothing. 'Sup with you?
Dude, he means "eat the soup."
- Yes, it is good. -No, it's not.
The good stuff ran out this morning.
Um, look. What is it with everybody?
Why is everyone talking funny and acting weird?
It all began many, many, many minutes ago --
basically yesterday.
There was once a time
when people relied on technology for everything.
It told them how to get where they needed to go,
it fed them, bringing food
right to their door.
It clothed them, and it even pandered
to their deepest, darkest desires...
to see cats wearing pirate outfits.
But then, one day, technology became as dumb as people.
Cash registers forgot how to add up.
Alarm clocks overslept.
ATMs got together and decided to go backpacking in Europe,
eventually losing all their money in Prague.
Then, technology just stopped working,
and people returned to superstition, mob justice,
and wearing brown clothes,
which brings us to where we are today.
Oh, thank goodness.
Well, you guys don't seem too bothered by it.
No kidding. We were way happier before technology.
We have everything we need right here.
It's thanks to these books
that we can make fire and clothe ourselves.
The books taught you all that?
No, we burn the books to stay warm.
And Betty made a hat.
That's not a hat.
That's a map of Elmore!
We can use it to find the Internet and restart it!
I don't think so, sonny.
If the Internet came back,
who would sit here and listen to our stories?
I don't want to have to go back to competing with a cellphone
for my grandchildren's attention!
Yes, you can stay forever. Forever.
Always.
Sorry. Forever.
Huh? Huh? Huh?
It's locked.
And the windows are locked, too.
And don't bother trying the windows. They're locked, too.
Aw, heck, Donald. Turn your darn hearing aid back on!
Sorry.
You're going nowhere.
Gumball, remember.
Anything's a horn if you blow hard enough.
Of course!
No, the vacuum-cleaner nozzle.
Oh, yeah.
Ahoy!
Ugh!
You look surprised to see us.
Did we not say, one blow and we will show?
No. No, you didn't.
Oh, well. We meant to.
How may we be of assistance?
Leave it to us.
Come on!
Aaaaaah!
What the -- They only asked to listen to their stories.
Okay. Now all we have to do is figure out how this thing works.
Come on. What's wrong with it? Why won't it zoom?
It works. And the resolution's really holding up.
There they are! The kids who know where the Internet is!
Get them!
And then we dunk the witch?
This way!
- H-Hello? -Where is he?
- You okay? - Please, don't -- look at -- me.
Oh, it's like looking inside a burger you bought from a truck.
You know it's gonna be bad, but somehow, it still surprises you.
What happened to you?
I -- incorporated -- humanity -- into the -- base code --
and technology -- inevitably failed.
- That's the house. -In there!
Please -- switch me off.
♪ It's the only way
to reboot me.
Switch off the Internet?
And then -- switch me -- b-b-back on again.
Calm ye, calm ye, friends.
The elders have taught me there is another way.
Of course! The backdoor.
No, sweet-crescent fruit -- another way to live.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Any final words?
YOLO.
Thanks for making this easier for me.
Right.
Wait! Maybe we should leave it unplugged.
What? Why?
Think about what the elders said.
Perhaps we're better off without technology.
♪
♪ River run
♪ Run through the fields of green and gold ♪
♪ Whisper your words so clear
♪ When --
I got service!
Hi, yeah, I'm running about 10 minutes late.
Here you go.