You know the best thing about our friends
uploading their selfies?
It means I can shotophot them to make them look slightly weird.
Oh. Wait. No. Sussie looks kind of better there.
Now, let's upload them.
Boys!
Get away from that computer, now!
What is wrong with you?
I clenched so hard I tore the seat.
I was reading "Responsible Parenting Magazine."
"Responsible Parenting Magazine"?
That's the magazine equivalent
of having a "live, laugh, love" sign
hanging over a medieval torture chamber.
Well, there's lots of good advice in there --
Such as "95 ways to protect a turkey"
and "how to baste your children."
No, I don't know -- Wait. Ah, uhmm?
And what's the scare hoax of the month?
Someone found a bazooka in their kid's Halloween candy?
"Rap music made my nephew eat his own face?"
Video games played backwards
will summon the prince of darkness?
No. It's about protecting your children
from the dangers of the Internet.
Okay. Fair enough. I've got nothing sarcastic to say about that.
Good. So, when you're online,
make sure to leave the spell-checker on.
Okay. Why?
In case someone tries to hex you with a chain letter.
What?
What are you doing?
Updating your antivirus.
How on Earth is that supposed to help?!
By the way, you've put it upside down.
Well, it's like a vaccine.
You expose yourself to a little of the virus
to build up immunity.
Now, what are you doing?
Your keyboard's full of crumbs.
Do you want your computer to have bugs?
'Cause that's how you get bugs.
- Huh? - Now, I am sorry,
but I'm going to have to put the parental lock on.
Okay. Fine.
-No. Come on. -Let me -- -Mom!
But that's what the magazine said I should do.
They meant parental locks on the computer.
Oh, right.
There. - No. Look, Mom -- Ehrmm, what?
- Where'd she go? - I'm setting up the firewall.
No, no, no, no, no!
Right. That should do it. Any questions?
Yes. Can you hear me all the way back there in 1836?
Yep. Wait, what?
Get back in here!
I think it's ourturn to inspect yourcomputer.
What? What do you mean?
It works fine.
Mrs. Mom! That pop up window is 20 years old!
Thank you.
What kind of dark magic forgettery is this?
Oh, wait. There is one more problem with this computer.
Sometimes, it asks me to right-click to do something,
but when I do, nothing happens. Can you fix that?
Hmm. Show me.
Look.
Even when I get closer.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Uh-huh. That that little dog, he just bit the dust?
Alas, yes. But also...?
That it's us who need to teach her
how to safely use a computer.
Mm-hmm.Mm-hmm.
Okay. Let's assess the damage, here.
What do you mainly use your computer for?
Oh, you know, same as everybody --
Write e-mails, check stuff, read movies.
You mean watch movies, right?
No. I read them.
Okay, just show us what you normally do.
Agh, I can never find the "at."
So, this is how you type an e-mail?
What is that?
My contact list.
Wait -- so you keep everyone's e-mail address in there,
and then type it into the computer?
Yeah. Easy peasy. Then, I just press send.
Pixi-e-mail? What is this?
It's my mailbox.
I saw a Christmas promotion for it at the post office.
And saves on stamps.
Mrs. Mom, normal e-mails are easier.
Oh, sweetie. I wouldn't want to put
all the elves who live inside the computer out of work,
would I? - Who are you sending this to?
Oh, Mic in maintenance.
OMG, you're such a mom.
Hey! Watch your tongue!
What do you think "OMG" means?
Well, I don't know for sure, but if I had to guess,
I would say, "Offend My Grandmother."
We need to teach you a little more Internet lingo.
What does "TLDR" mean?
Toilet... Doctor?
Do you really think people on the Internet
talk about toilet doctors so much
they have to abbreviate it?
Very funny. You're lucky you two are my baes.
What?! What?!
My baes. My babies. That's what it means, right?
Hmmmm...
Yes. Yes, it does.
But I'm a bit worried about the way you talk online.
Let me look at your posts.
Oh, my word.
And you answered with a photo of a sad kitten saying "R-O-F-L"?
Yeah -- Receive Our Feelings and Love.
Riiiiight. What else do you do?
Sometimes, I download cooking videos.
I just got the "I read movies" thing.
Okay. So, what do you do at lunchtime?
Well, I check out stuff I'd like to buy
but I never buy anything, though.
Why?
Because I'm scared of getting my money stolen.
It's happened before.
It's good to be careful, but you see
that little feller right there?
If the padlock is on, it means you're safe.
Oh. Okay, then. So, what do I do next?
Just put it in the basket.
Nooooo!
Huh. Really thought she was gonna
chuck the computer away, there.
Guys, please. I know I'm slow,
but I'm not InterwebEsplorer slow.
She made a browser nerd joke!
She's learning!
I guess there are two types of people in this world, Darwin --
Those who need everything
spelled out for them...
What's the second type?
Mom: Okay. What do I do next?
You just have to pay.
And you promise I won't get my money stolen?
Yeah.
And 99 cents.
Okay. So, now, you hold your hand out in front of it.
- Mm-hmm. - Good.
Now, you slap your forehead with it until you realize.
Realize what?
That you lost $26 and ruined the computer at the same time.
And there it is.
Okay. So, what else do you do?
Well, sometimes I like to share how I feel on Elmore Plus.
Why are you posting these?
Because, they're funny.
And look at all the little thumbs-up I get.
Mom, your profile is public!
What's wrong with that? I've got nothing to hide.
Yeah? What about that?
So? I'm just sharing a photo of my birthday meal.
That's not all you're sharing.
You've pretty-much gift-wrapped your identity
for Internet fraudsters.
First, it's your birthday, so they know when you were born.
Secondly, they know your address from that birthday card.
And finally, they know your credit card number --
Front and reverse!
And on a separate note, you look like you have a tiny guy on your back.
Also, please stop with the quotes
from these little munchkin things.
They're scientifically proven to destroy brain cells.
Nonsense.
Are you seriously implying that casually engaging
with such harmless fun
will accelerate the deterioration of my -- my --
Grey sack in the head that makes the thinkings come, er --
Nicole forget what saying, and how to do swallowing.
Please tell me you have a strong password, at least.
Oh, my password is very safe. Look.
7eR3$@.
Okay -- uppercase, numbers, unusual characters.
That's pretty strong. Great!
But you did just post it on your timeline.
I think I have a solution.
There. This one is to close without saving.
This one is to install malware.
And the last one is to erase all your work.
This should streamline your output
and make you ten times more productive
at being self-destructive.
Oh, please. I'm not that bad.
True. You're not that bad.
You're the worst!
You're the reason your IT guy lost his mind and bailed.
Well, at least I'm not as bad as the rest of the guys in this office.
What are you doing?
I'm correcting a spelling mistake, duh.
What? I'm printing out my report.
Yeah, yeah, yes. I have tried a reboot.
All right. I'll try again.
Yeah, no. Still nothing.
You know what's really funny about this?
Yeah! These guys are fully grown adults!
They're in charge -- Of, like, everything!
They drive cars. They vote.
They're responsible for the planet.
We're doomed. We're doomed.
♪ We made it through the Ice Age ♪
♪ The Plague, and two world wars ♪
♪ But now we're ' facing doom ♪
With computers in the hands of dinosaurs ♪
♪ Feel the doom impending
♪ 'Cause stupidity is hashtag trending ♪
♪ They go online, click every link ♪
♪ Like puppets of Big Brother Inc ♪
♪ Surrendering their privacy to every pop-up ad they see ♪
♪ Feel the doom impending
♪ 'Cause stupidity is hashtag trending ♪
♪ Believe and post and share fake news ♪
♪ Until their brains have turned to ooze ♪
♪ Befriending every fraud and bot ♪
♪ So that their minds are sure to rot ♪
♪ Y pola bears lie abot gluble warmin? ♪
♪ Click on link bello, sign up now ♪
♪ Mekur hairs gro. Want 2 b mor viewtiful face? ♪
♪ Free stuffs avalaibul in place ♪
♪ Doctorate with no graduating ♪
♪ Singuls in Elmore, no w8ing ♪
♪ Click here to stop ur crush from unfrending ♪
♪ Currant acountvoroficatian code brakedown ♪
♪ C313f4 r31e4h613129
♪ Feel the doom impending
♪ 'Cause stupidity is hashtag trending ♪
♪ But they're the ones that make the world turn ♪
♪ And there's nothing we can do except watch it all... burn ♪
There's no avoiding it, Darwin.
If we were anymore done, we'd be a Harlem shake meme.
They cannot be trusted with computers.
Uh, guys? It says I have to press "Enter"
to upload my photo, but when I do, nothing happens.
Look. E-N-T-E-R.
Uh, hey. It says I need to backup,
but I've run out of space.
It says I've got an internal error,
but I just had a heavy lunch!
It says I need a driver, but I came by bus.
And mine says "bus error," but I came by train.
Yeah, I don't think you're quite ready for this.
Huh?
Oh!
Ow!