1
00:00:01,589 --> 00:00:03,189
What are you doing?
2
00:00:03,257 --> 00:00:05,625
Dude, I'm freaked out about
my meeting with Michael,
3
00:00:05,660 --> 00:00:07,960
and if I spend one more second
staring at Creepo the Clown,
4
00:00:07,995 --> 00:00:08,961
I'm gonna lose it.
5
00:00:08,996 --> 00:00:10,329
You named the clowns?
6
00:00:10,364 --> 00:00:13,598
Psycho, Creepo, Crazy Head,
Stupid Juggling Weirdo,
7
00:00:13,634 --> 00:00:16,668
Freaky Feet, and Nightmare
George Washington.
8
00:00:16,704 --> 00:00:18,971
One of them has to go.
9
00:00:20,842 --> 00:00:23,809
Oh, sexy mailman. Much better.
10
00:00:23,845 --> 00:00:26,110
In five minutes, Michael
wants my help investigating
11
00:00:26,146 --> 00:00:27,813
what's making the neighborhood go nuts,
12
00:00:27,848 --> 00:00:29,314
which is obviously me.
13
00:00:29,350 --> 00:00:30,816
I mean, I did promise I would help.
14
00:00:30,851 --> 00:00:31,983
What do I do here?
15
00:00:32,018 --> 00:00:35,320
Actually, the answer is...
16
00:00:35,356 --> 00:00:37,989
Right here in this easily
understandable comic strip.
17
00:00:38,024 --> 00:00:40,559
Nope, in this book about
the theory of contractualism.
18
00:00:40,627 --> 00:00:41,827
"What We Owe to Each Other."
19
00:00:41,862 --> 00:00:43,194
I saw this movie.
20
00:00:43,230 --> 00:00:44,795
Laura Linney cries in a lake house
21
00:00:44,831 --> 00:00:47,198
because Jude Law left her
for his ex-wife's ghost.
22
00:00:47,234 --> 00:00:48,199
No.
23
00:00:48,235 --> 00:00:50,835
Quick summary of contractualism.
24
00:00:50,871 --> 00:00:54,339
Uh, imagine a group of reasonable people
25
00:00:54,374 --> 00:00:57,041
are coming up with the
rules for a new society.
26
00:00:57,077 --> 00:00:58,976
Like if your Uber driver talks to you,
27
00:00:59,011 --> 00:01:00,544
the ride should be free?
28
00:01:00,580 --> 00:01:04,815
Sure, but anyone can veto any
rule that they think is unfair.
29
00:01:04,851 --> 00:01:08,085
So if you said, "We should
be able to break our promises
30
00:01:08,153 --> 00:01:12,690
without any repercussions,"
someone would veto that rule.
31
00:01:12,725 --> 00:01:15,692
Well, my first rule would be
that no one can veto my rules.
32
00:01:15,727 --> 00:01:16,860
Well, that's called tyranny.
33
00:01:16,896 --> 00:01:19,329
And it's generally frowned upon.
34
00:01:19,365 --> 00:01:22,165
If you make a promise to
someone, you should do it.
35
00:01:22,201 --> 00:01:25,235
Just like I promised to
help you and still am,
36
00:01:25,271 --> 00:01:27,604
despite your constant mockery.
37
00:01:27,672 --> 00:01:29,839
"Despite your constant mockery."
38
00:01:29,875 --> 00:01:31,240
Whatever, you love it.
39
00:01:31,276 --> 00:01:35,712
So either I help him find
the problem, which is me,
40
00:01:35,747 --> 00:01:37,113
and I'm doomed,
41
00:01:37,181 --> 00:01:40,116
or I don't help him, and then I'm
42
00:01:40,184 --> 00:01:42,952
behaving unethically and
the whole world goes crazy
43
00:01:43,021 --> 00:01:45,187
and I'm caught anyway.
44
00:01:45,223 --> 00:01:47,856
I need to figure out a way both help him
45
00:01:47,892 --> 00:01:49,959
and not help him at the same time.
46
00:01:50,028 --> 00:01:51,627
That's literally not possible.
47
00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:52,929
Oh, really?
48
00:01:52,964 --> 00:01:55,764
I once posed as a hot
prom date for my cousin,
49
00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:59,402
both helping him and later,
according to his therapist,
50
00:01:59,437 --> 00:02:01,071
not helping him.
51
00:02:01,579 --> 00:02:06,574
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
52
00:02:06,598 --> 00:02:10,241
_
53
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:16,618
Oh, hey, Eleanor, thanks for coming in.
54
00:02:17,988 --> 00:02:19,054
Sorry about the mess.
55
00:02:20,324 --> 00:02:23,658
Oh, I forgot, you don't
see in nine dimensions.
56
00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:25,893
There's just a lot of...
there's a lot of tension
57
00:02:25,929 --> 00:02:27,996
in the air right now.
58
00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:29,397
Are you okay, buddy?
59
00:02:29,433 --> 00:02:32,100
- You seem kind of stressed.
- No, no, no, I'm fine.
60
00:02:32,135 --> 00:02:33,301
Top of my game, actually.
61
00:02:33,337 --> 00:02:35,937
Uh, here, let me just, uh...
62
00:02:35,973 --> 00:02:37,672
Have a seat.
63
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:39,006
There you go.
64
00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:43,110
So to prepare to meet all of you,
65
00:02:43,145 --> 00:02:46,948
I studied the human concept of friends.
66
00:02:46,983 --> 00:02:50,284
I even watched all ten
seasons of the show "Friends."
67
00:02:50,319 --> 00:02:53,954
Boy, those friends really
were "friends," weren't they?
68
00:02:53,990 --> 00:02:56,957
Although... and I realize
this is the kind of observation
69
00:02:56,993 --> 00:03:00,360
that would only occur to the
mind of an eternal being...
70
00:03:01,297 --> 00:03:04,298
How did they afford that apartment?
71
00:03:04,333 --> 00:03:08,969
A waitress and a chef with those
Manhattan real estate prices.
72
00:03:09,005 --> 00:03:10,971
Yeah, we were all
confused about that too.
73
00:03:11,006 --> 00:03:13,874
Anyway, it's been a
tough couple of days.
74
00:03:13,942 --> 00:03:17,878
Right now, I could really use a friend
75
00:03:17,946 --> 00:03:19,178
by my side.
76
00:03:19,214 --> 00:03:21,314
Well, you know me.
77
00:03:21,349 --> 00:03:26,052
The person who has audibly
promised to help you.
78
00:03:26,121 --> 00:03:29,155
So you need me to house-sit
the whole week?
79
00:03:29,190 --> 00:03:31,457
Sounds like somebody's
gonna have a sweet vay-cay.
80
00:03:31,493 --> 00:03:34,160
As I told you before,
my mom is very sick.
81
00:03:34,195 --> 00:03:37,130
I'm gonna help her move
into assisted living.
82
00:03:37,165 --> 00:03:38,831
Well, I'm here for you.
83
00:03:38,866 --> 00:03:41,367
And your Wi-Fi is way better
than my neighbor's, so I'm in.
84
00:03:41,403 --> 00:03:43,702
It's gonna mean taking
care of Lester too.
85
00:03:43,738 --> 00:03:45,203
Walk and feed him twice a day.
86
00:03:45,239 --> 00:03:46,405
Give him his kidney medicine.
87
00:03:46,473 --> 00:03:47,873
Yup, got it... feed his kidneys.
88
00:03:47,909 --> 00:03:49,207
- Eleanor?
- Yeah?
89
00:03:49,243 --> 00:03:51,176
This is gonna be a very
stressful week for me.
90
00:03:51,211 --> 00:03:52,771
I need to know that I can count on you.
91
00:03:52,813 --> 00:03:54,513
I won't let you down.
92
00:03:54,549 --> 00:03:55,915
I promise.
93
00:04:00,887 --> 00:04:02,354
Jianyu, my love.
94
00:04:02,389 --> 00:04:04,856
How are you?
95
00:04:04,891 --> 00:04:09,027
- I am decidedly so.
- That's very profound.
96
00:04:09,063 --> 00:04:10,362
Um, soul mate...
97
00:04:10,397 --> 00:04:11,430
an idea.
98
00:04:11,498 --> 00:04:13,331
Our neighborhood now features a spa,
99
00:04:13,367 --> 00:04:14,766
and it offers couples packages.
100
00:04:14,834 --> 00:04:17,001
And I thought maybe we could get facials
101
00:04:17,037 --> 00:04:19,170
and do yoga and talk
102
00:04:19,205 --> 00:04:23,174
in long, discursive sentences.
103
00:04:23,209 --> 00:04:25,376
What do you say?
104
00:04:25,411 --> 00:04:28,446
- Signs point to yes.
- Oh!
105
00:04:28,514 --> 00:04:30,915
Marvelous. We'll go today.
106
00:04:34,187 --> 00:04:36,387
Dude, you got to come
with us to the spa.
107
00:04:36,422 --> 00:04:37,555
No way.
108
00:04:37,590 --> 00:04:39,022
No, that's really weird.
109
00:04:39,058 --> 00:04:40,858
You can't make small
talk with her for one day
110
00:04:40,893 --> 00:04:41,893
without being caught?
111
00:04:41,927 --> 00:04:43,427
No, I can't, and she freaks me out.
112
00:04:43,463 --> 00:04:46,197
She's so pretty, like
Nala from "The Lion King."
113
00:04:46,232 --> 00:04:49,132
And she talks so smart, like, um...
114
00:04:49,201 --> 00:04:50,767
Nala from "The Lion King."
115
00:04:50,803 --> 00:04:51,902
You got to help me.
116
00:04:51,937 --> 00:04:54,437
Well, if I feel sympathy
for anyone, it's Tahani.
117
00:04:54,473 --> 00:04:56,106
She's going through the same thing I am,
118
00:04:56,141 --> 00:04:57,540
but she doesn't know it.
119
00:04:57,576 --> 00:05:00,410
Which means maybe I'm
obligated to tell her.
120
00:05:00,445 --> 00:05:02,378
Although maybe it's better not to know.
121
00:05:02,414 --> 00:05:05,281
Is ignorance bliss, or
will the painful truth
122
00:05:05,317 --> 00:05:06,549
actually be healing...
123
00:05:06,585 --> 00:05:08,151
You ready, Jianyu?
124
00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:12,122
Oh, I cannot wait to just
relax and talk and chat
125
00:05:12,157 --> 00:05:14,257
and just, you know...
126
00:05:14,292 --> 00:05:16,559
get to know each other.
127
00:05:16,595 --> 00:05:18,128
Hey!
128
00:05:18,163 --> 00:05:20,430
Maybe I'll come too.
129
00:05:20,465 --> 00:05:21,598
Oh.
130
00:05:21,633 --> 00:05:22,598
Well, Chidi...
131
00:05:22,634 --> 00:05:24,000
it's just that this is, um...
132
00:05:24,068 --> 00:05:27,970
this is really more of a couples thing.
133
00:05:28,006 --> 00:05:29,238
I know.
134
00:05:29,273 --> 00:05:31,107
But Eleanor's off with Michael,
135
00:05:31,142 --> 00:05:33,575
and Jianyu feels
comfortable when I'm around.
136
00:05:33,611 --> 00:05:35,344
Right?
137
00:05:35,412 --> 00:05:38,514
- Made in Taiwan.
- Yes, you were.
138
00:05:38,582 --> 00:05:40,115
You were made in Taiwan.
139
00:05:40,151 --> 00:05:41,250
So...
140
00:05:41,285 --> 00:05:42,984
couples date!
141
00:05:43,020 --> 00:05:44,853
Let's go!
142
00:05:46,190 --> 00:05:49,291
I never really looked around
your office the first day.
143
00:05:49,326 --> 00:05:51,260
What is all this junk?
144
00:05:51,295 --> 00:05:53,295
Well, technically,
architects aren't allowed
145
00:05:53,330 --> 00:05:55,930
to own any human objects, but...
146
00:05:55,966 --> 00:05:57,866
oh, I just love them so much.
147
00:05:57,934 --> 00:05:59,433
And over here, look at this.
148
00:05:59,469 --> 00:06:02,336
Aren't paper clips the most
amazing things in the world?
149
00:06:02,372 --> 00:06:04,205
Yeah. Sure.
150
00:06:04,274 --> 00:06:07,375
Anyway, my current
theory is that some object
151
00:06:07,443 --> 00:06:09,177
in the neighborhood is a design flaw
152
00:06:09,212 --> 00:06:11,212
which is causing
everything to go haywire.
153
00:06:11,281 --> 00:06:13,147
So we need to find that object.
154
00:06:13,183 --> 00:06:14,948
We're gonna start with the rocks.
155
00:06:14,984 --> 00:06:17,285
Now, I've investigated all of the rocks
156
00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:18,352
in the neighborhood.
157
00:06:18,388 --> 00:06:22,390
These 78 are the most suspicious.
158
00:06:22,458 --> 00:06:25,125
Maybe to an architect,
they might look suspicious,
159
00:06:25,161 --> 00:06:26,860
but to me, they just look like rocks,
160
00:06:26,896 --> 00:06:28,361
so I'm not sure how I can help.
161
00:06:28,397 --> 00:06:31,298
Do any of them look defective?
162
00:06:31,333 --> 00:06:32,299
Sinister?
163
00:06:32,334 --> 00:06:34,300
You know, like they're taunting you?
164
00:06:34,335 --> 00:06:37,136
Always one step ahead?
165
00:06:37,172 --> 00:06:39,172
You devious little monsters, you.
166
00:06:39,207 --> 00:06:42,075
Okay, let's take a
deep breath here, buddy.
167
00:06:42,143 --> 00:06:44,410
You need to chill a little.
168
00:06:44,478 --> 00:06:47,013
'Cause you have a very psycho,
169
00:06:47,048 --> 00:06:48,915
"burnout guy muttering to himself
170
00:06:48,983 --> 00:06:50,683
at a library computer" type vibe.
171
00:06:50,718 --> 00:06:53,352
It's my responsibility
to solve the problem.
172
00:06:53,387 --> 00:06:54,920
What else can I do
173
00:06:54,988 --> 00:06:58,390
except keep working?
174
00:06:58,426 --> 00:07:01,193
You could stop working.
175
00:07:01,229 --> 00:07:02,561
Look, I promised to help you,
176
00:07:02,597 --> 00:07:04,330
and honestly, the way I can help you
177
00:07:04,365 --> 00:07:06,031
is to force you to take a break.
178
00:07:06,066 --> 00:07:09,067
And not working will help me work?
179
00:07:09,103 --> 00:07:10,368
Yes!
180
00:07:10,403 --> 00:07:12,037
Recharge the old batteries.
181
00:07:12,072 --> 00:07:15,707
I promise this is gonna help both of us.
182
00:07:15,743 --> 00:07:17,375
Let's go.
183
00:07:17,410 --> 00:07:19,211
Okay.
184
00:07:19,246 --> 00:07:22,280
Let's keep our eyes peeled
for twigs that may have
185
00:07:22,349 --> 00:07:23,725
a nefarious agenda.
186
00:07:23,750 --> 00:07:25,549
- Okay, crazy, come on.
- Yeah.
187
00:07:30,874 --> 00:07:32,135
Hello, Janet.
188
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:35,307
Jianyu and I are here for
the couples package, please.
189
00:07:35,332 --> 00:07:37,635
And also I will be joining them.
190
00:07:37,748 --> 00:07:39,981
Great, and who is the
other half of your couple?
191
00:07:40,204 --> 00:07:41,471
Oh, no, no, it's just me.
192
00:07:41,643 --> 00:07:43,720
Couples are pairs of people.
193
00:07:43,756 --> 00:07:45,531
Yup, and, uh, there is a pair of people,
194
00:07:45,547 --> 00:07:46,979
Tahani and Jianyu.
195
00:07:46,995 --> 00:07:49,759
And then also I am here.
196
00:07:49,827 --> 00:07:51,390
Great, and who will be joining you?
197
00:07:51,734 --> 00:07:52,631
No one.
198
00:07:52,647 --> 00:07:54,514
Um, it's really quite simple, Janet.
199
00:07:54,549 --> 00:07:58,351
They are a couple, and I am a third part
200
00:07:58,386 --> 00:07:59,419
of that couple.
201
00:07:59,487 --> 00:08:02,588
Uh, a helper part who is here for fun
202
00:08:02,657 --> 00:08:04,223
and excitement.
203
00:08:04,259 --> 00:08:06,324
It's a three-person couple.
204
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,427
Does not compute.
205
00:08:08,495 --> 00:08:10,529
Does not compute.
206
00:08:11,350 --> 00:08:13,083
I'm just kidding.
207
00:08:13,099 --> 00:08:14,399
I mean, it doesn't compute,
208
00:08:14,602 --> 00:08:16,368
but I'm not gonna explode or anything.
209
00:08:16,403 --> 00:08:17,297
Right.
210
00:08:17,313 --> 00:08:19,948
Well, I'll see you inside, darling.
211
00:08:22,057 --> 00:08:23,857
Okay, you have to step up.
212
00:08:24,025 --> 00:08:26,258
Find a way to connect with her without,
213
00:08:26,380 --> 00:08:27,345
you know, being you.
214
00:08:27,381 --> 00:08:29,214
What does that even mean?
215
00:08:29,249 --> 00:08:31,516
Do I talk or not talk?
216
00:08:31,552 --> 00:08:33,351
Do I be nice to Tahani, or do I throw
217
00:08:33,387 --> 00:08:35,087
all her jewelry in the toilet?
218
00:08:35,122 --> 00:08:37,389
That's the opposite of being nice?
219
00:08:37,424 --> 00:08:38,424
So no toilet?
220
00:08:39,626 --> 00:08:42,026
What is it with you and frozen yogurt?
221
00:08:42,062 --> 00:08:43,461
Have you not heard of ice cream?
222
00:08:43,529 --> 00:08:46,155
Oh, sure, but I've come to
really like frozen yogurt.
223
00:08:46,171 --> 00:08:49,540
There's something so human
about taking something great
224
00:08:49,636 --> 00:08:52,290
and ruining it a little
so you can have more of it.
225
00:08:52,794 --> 00:08:54,922
That is very human.
226
00:08:54,938 --> 00:08:57,271
Why do you need a human
to be your assistant?
227
00:08:57,352 --> 00:09:01,087
I mean, aren't there more of...
228
00:09:01,247 --> 00:09:02,446
whatever you are?
229
00:09:02,482 --> 00:09:05,820
Well, since we're becoming friends,
230
00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:07,414
like Ross and Phoebe...
231
00:09:07,487 --> 00:09:09,220
Weird combo to pick, but okay.
232
00:09:09,255 --> 00:09:11,759
I'm gonna tell you a secret.
233
00:09:12,163 --> 00:09:16,165
Usually, architects don't
live in their neighborhoods.
234
00:09:16,294 --> 00:09:19,262
Usually, the people show
up, we play the movie,
235
00:09:19,297 --> 00:09:21,164
Janet is there to answer questions,
236
00:09:21,233 --> 00:09:22,398
and you're on your own.
237
00:09:22,434 --> 00:09:23,566
But I had this theory.
238
00:09:23,602 --> 00:09:26,236
I thought transition would be easier
239
00:09:26,271 --> 00:09:28,070
if the architect were on-site
240
00:09:28,086 --> 00:09:30,111
for at least the first
1,000 years or so.
241
00:09:30,127 --> 00:09:32,027
That's why you've been so freaked out.
242
00:09:32,177 --> 00:09:33,954
'Cause your butt is on the line.
243
00:09:33,970 --> 00:09:35,975
My boss thought I was nuts.
244
00:09:35,990 --> 00:09:37,679
And if this neighborhood doesn't work,
245
00:09:37,768 --> 00:09:40,269
I am in big trouble.
246
00:09:40,285 --> 00:09:43,453
But more importantly,
I promised all of you
247
00:09:43,488 --> 00:09:45,521
that you would be safe and happy.
248
00:09:45,589 --> 00:09:48,323
And you just don't break a promise.
249
00:09:48,359 --> 00:09:52,028
Unlike Ross when he promised
Emily not to talk to Rachel.
250
00:09:52,096 --> 00:09:54,096
Wow, you are really into that show.
251
00:09:54,132 --> 00:09:55,430
You know something?
252
00:09:55,466 --> 00:09:56,609
I feel better already.
253
00:09:56,634 --> 00:09:57,749
Should we get back to work?
254
00:09:57,774 --> 00:09:59,100
Gah, gah, gah, gah, gah.
255
00:09:59,125 --> 00:10:02,137
The whole point is to
stop thinking about work
256
00:10:02,173 --> 00:10:03,705
and start having fun.
257
00:10:03,774 --> 00:10:06,441
Now, what should we do first?
258
00:10:06,477 --> 00:10:09,110
♪ I'm going out ♪
259
00:10:09,146 --> 00:10:12,113
♪ In a blaze of glory ♪
260
00:10:12,149 --> 00:10:14,183
♪ Lord, I never drew first ♪
261
00:10:14,218 --> 00:10:16,285
♪ But I drew first blood ♪
262
00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:18,053
♪ And I'm no one's son ♪
263
00:10:18,121 --> 00:10:21,156
♪ So call me young gun ♪
264
00:10:21,191 --> 00:10:22,523
Whoo!
265
00:10:22,559 --> 00:10:24,492
This is so interesting!
266
00:10:24,527 --> 00:10:25,660
I mean, there's no point to it.
267
00:10:25,696 --> 00:10:29,064
The images on the
screen relate to nothing.
268
00:10:29,132 --> 00:10:31,066
Some time passed, and then it was over.
269
00:10:31,134 --> 00:10:33,001
That's karaoke!
270
00:10:33,036 --> 00:10:34,468
Oh, let's do it again.
271
00:10:34,504 --> 00:10:38,639
Okay, my hands are heated
to the ideal 105 degrees.
272
00:10:38,675 --> 00:10:40,074
Who would like to go first?
273
00:10:40,142 --> 00:10:41,576
Oh, well what if I go first,
274
00:10:41,644 --> 00:10:43,544
and then perhaps Jianyu
could stand near me
275
00:10:43,580 --> 00:10:47,548
and share some intimate
aspects of his life?
276
00:10:47,584 --> 00:10:51,384
Or what if...
277
00:10:51,420 --> 00:10:53,587
while Janet messages Tahani,
278
00:10:53,655 --> 00:10:57,191
I massage Jianyu?
279
00:11:01,363 --> 00:11:03,663
Jianyu, darling, let's discuss the arts.
280
00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:07,767
I adore the impressionists.
281
00:11:09,104 --> 00:11:10,503
Who's your favorite artist?
282
00:11:10,539 --> 00:11:14,574
I mean, Pitbull changed the game...
283
00:11:14,610 --> 00:11:19,346
Sorry, just working the
oft-neglected mandible area.
284
00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:28,087
Oh, man!
285
00:11:28,123 --> 00:11:29,421
I didn't even want that thing.
286
00:11:29,457 --> 00:11:30,757
Why am I trying to win it?
287
00:11:30,792 --> 00:11:34,093
Because the machine says it's a prize.
288
00:11:34,129 --> 00:11:35,527
- Oh!
- Boom!
289
00:11:35,563 --> 00:11:37,363
How many tickets do I get? Six?
290
00:11:37,398 --> 00:11:38,865
- Is that all?
- Well, watch this.
291
00:11:41,636 --> 00:11:43,201
- Is that allowed?
- Not really.
292
00:11:43,237 --> 00:11:45,203
But it is a time-honored tradition.
293
00:11:45,239 --> 00:11:47,606
Say no more. I got it. I got it.
294
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:51,143
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
295
00:11:52,265 --> 00:11:53,413
You know something?
296
00:11:53,414 --> 00:11:55,614
As much as I've always
wanted to be around humans,
297
00:11:55,650 --> 00:11:59,484
I think I've missed a big part
of what makes them wonderful.
298
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,286
Sometimes all you guys think about
299
00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:03,554
is how you can have the most fun.
300
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:05,723
Exactly!
301
00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:08,493
That was practically my mantra.
302
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:11,163
What's up, dong bait?
303
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,797
Drop everything you're doing.
304
00:12:12,832 --> 00:12:14,565
Rihanna is performing in Vegas.
305
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:16,768
I got tickets. We are road-tripping.
306
00:12:16,803 --> 00:12:18,636
Oh, I can't!
307
00:12:18,672 --> 00:12:20,605
I promised I'd house-sit one more day,
308
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,573
and I have to feed this stupid dog.
309
00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:24,475
I'm sorry, does this
dog smoke blunts topless
310
00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:26,243
on a yacht like a boss?
311
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:28,346
- 'Cause that's how Ri-Ri do.
- That's a very good point.
312
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:31,348
This is floor seats
in Vegas for Rihanna.
313
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:32,783
The booze is free there.
314
00:12:32,819 --> 00:12:35,820
Do I really need to keep going?
315
00:12:37,957 --> 00:12:41,158
Okay, this is dinner
tonight, breakfast tomorrow...
316
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,526
I have an idea.
317
00:12:44,864 --> 00:12:46,496
This is in case of emergency.
318
00:12:46,532 --> 00:12:50,767
Do not eat this unless
it's an emergency.
319
00:12:50,803 --> 00:12:52,268
Wow.
320
00:12:52,304 --> 00:12:54,137
I'm ready to be a mom.
321
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:04,214
I'm having trouble
getting this mask to stick.
322
00:13:04,282 --> 00:13:07,550
Yes, it's 'cause my
pores are just so small.
323
00:13:07,618 --> 00:13:10,286
There's no way anything
could ever adhere to my skin.
324
00:13:10,322 --> 00:13:11,821
It's a curse, really.
325
00:13:11,857 --> 00:13:13,223
Jianyu?
326
00:13:13,291 --> 00:13:15,325
What are your pores like?
327
00:13:19,330 --> 00:13:22,297
Janet, can you show me
to the sauna, please?
328
00:13:25,870 --> 00:13:27,570
Dude, she's trying so hard,
329
00:13:27,638 --> 00:13:29,372
and you're giving her nothing!
330
00:13:29,407 --> 00:13:31,206
Just pick a fact that you know about her
331
00:13:31,242 --> 00:13:32,475
and just muddle through.
332
00:13:32,510 --> 00:13:35,677
She said she likes
impressionist paintings.
333
00:13:35,712 --> 00:13:37,379
Impressionist paintings?
334
00:13:37,414 --> 00:13:38,881
Okay, say no more.
335
00:13:38,916 --> 00:13:41,582
No, no, no, I definitely
feel like I need to say more.
336
00:13:41,650 --> 00:13:42,984
Jia...
337
00:13:44,354 --> 00:13:47,355
So would you say I helped you today?
338
00:13:47,390 --> 00:13:48,822
Oh, so much.
339
00:13:48,858 --> 00:13:51,492
I had fun, I didn't
think about my problems,
340
00:13:51,527 --> 00:13:53,861
and I won this ugly yellow toddler,
341
00:13:53,897 --> 00:13:56,364
which is one of the most
beautiful things I've ever seen.
342
00:13:56,399 --> 00:13:57,664
Thank you so much.
343
00:13:57,700 --> 00:13:59,566
All right, I'll see
you tomorrow, friend.
344
00:14:10,713 --> 00:14:12,946
You sure this is where
you want to be right now?
345
00:14:13,015 --> 00:14:16,249
At the Tea for Two couples cafe?
346
00:14:16,285 --> 00:14:18,518
There's no use avoiding it, Chidi.
347
00:14:18,553 --> 00:14:20,253
I'm alone.
348
00:14:20,289 --> 00:14:22,755
Jianyu and I have nothing in common.
349
00:14:22,891 --> 00:14:24,624
I just want a soul mate.
350
00:14:24,659 --> 00:14:26,359
Someone I can share my passions with,
351
00:14:26,395 --> 00:14:29,329
someone who I can talk to about
the ethereal colors of a Degas.
352
00:14:29,364 --> 00:14:30,630
I love Degas.
353
00:14:30,665 --> 00:14:32,064
I took painting lessons as a kid,
354
00:14:32,133 --> 00:14:34,033
and Degas was always my inspiration.
355
00:14:34,068 --> 00:14:36,468
And do you like France as much as I do?
356
00:14:36,504 --> 00:14:39,539
Well, they enslaved my
country for 300 years.
357
00:14:39,574 --> 00:14:40,806
So no.
358
00:14:40,842 --> 00:14:44,010
- But they have great museums.
- Yes.
359
00:14:44,045 --> 00:14:46,045
Welcome to my cafe, you two.
360
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:48,480
We have a special on soul mate muffins.
361
00:14:48,516 --> 00:14:49,748
Two for the price of zero.
362
00:14:49,816 --> 00:14:50,849
Everything is free.
363
00:14:50,884 --> 00:14:52,651
Oh, uh, we're not soul mates.
364
00:14:52,686 --> 00:14:53,985
- No.
- We're just, uh...
365
00:14:54,021 --> 00:14:56,422
- soul friends.
- Oh.
366
00:14:59,527 --> 00:15:00,692
Hey, buddy.
367
00:15:00,727 --> 00:15:02,928
I have all new fun
stuff for us to do today.
368
00:15:02,996 --> 00:15:05,063
Eleanor, I have huge news.
369
00:15:05,098 --> 00:15:07,999
Not working actually worked.
370
00:15:08,035 --> 00:15:09,167
It did what now?
371
00:15:09,202 --> 00:15:10,368
After our day off,
372
00:15:10,403 --> 00:15:12,437
with a completely clear head,
373
00:15:12,505 --> 00:15:14,873
I realized part of
what makes humans so fun
374
00:15:14,908 --> 00:15:17,576
is that they're unpredictable.
375
00:15:17,611 --> 00:15:19,744
The chaos we've been experiencing
376
00:15:19,780 --> 00:15:22,513
is exactly what would
happen if a resident
377
00:15:22,549 --> 00:15:24,415
behaved unpredictably.
378
00:15:24,451 --> 00:15:26,184
The problem in our neighborhood...
379
00:15:26,219 --> 00:15:29,019
it's not a rock or an object.
380
00:15:29,055 --> 00:15:30,788
It's one of the people.
381
00:15:30,856 --> 00:15:31,956
Oh!
382
00:15:32,024 --> 00:15:33,057
We need to celebrate!
383
00:15:33,093 --> 00:15:35,693
I know, okay...
384
00:15:35,728 --> 00:15:37,561
Paper clip shower!
385
00:15:43,015 --> 00:15:44,819
So do you think we're looking for a man,
386
00:15:44,844 --> 00:15:46,998
or do you think we're
looking for two men?
387
00:15:47,023 --> 00:15:48,422
Not sure.
388
00:15:48,491 --> 00:15:50,324
We don't know anything
about this person.
389
00:15:50,349 --> 00:15:53,316
I mean, does he or she even know
390
00:15:53,341 --> 00:15:55,875
that they caused all these problems?
391
00:15:55,910 --> 00:15:57,209
No, that can't be.
392
00:15:57,244 --> 00:15:59,311
I mean, what kind of
monster would wreak havoc
393
00:15:59,346 --> 00:16:00,572
and then say nothing?
394
00:16:00,597 --> 00:16:03,015
So this is the main
place where the garbage
395
00:16:03,050 --> 00:16:04,249
fell from the sky.
396
00:16:04,318 --> 00:16:05,908
- Janet.
- Hi there.
397
00:16:05,933 --> 00:16:09,323
I need a list of everyone
that was here on garbage duty
398
00:16:09,348 --> 00:16:11,347
during orientation.
399
00:16:11,416 --> 00:16:13,850
Oh.
400
00:16:13,919 --> 00:16:17,954
Eleanor, our criminal is
on this very short list.
401
00:16:17,990 --> 00:16:19,455
People were flying that day too.
402
00:16:19,491 --> 00:16:21,457
I'll add everybody who flew overhead.
403
00:16:21,493 --> 00:16:22,826
Ugh.
404
00:16:22,861 --> 00:16:26,496
Eleanor, our criminal is
on this much longer list.
405
00:16:30,835 --> 00:16:31,835
Oh, hey, homey.
406
00:16:31,869 --> 00:16:33,102
Thanks for your advice.
407
00:16:33,137 --> 00:16:35,037
I'm about to give Tahani
the best gift ever.
408
00:16:35,106 --> 00:16:38,040
Check it.
409
00:16:38,109 --> 00:16:39,208
What?
410
00:16:39,277 --> 00:16:40,943
She likes impressionist
paintings, right?
411
00:16:40,978 --> 00:16:44,379
I got her a painting of the
best impressionist of all time,
412
00:16:44,448 --> 00:16:45,714
Frank Caliendo.
413
00:16:45,783 --> 00:16:47,817
He can do it all... fat Al
Pacino, fat Jerry Seinfeld,
414
00:16:47,852 --> 00:16:49,384
regular John Madden.
415
00:16:49,453 --> 00:16:51,053
"Say hello to my little friend."
416
00:16:51,122 --> 00:16:52,654
"Forget about it."
417
00:16:52,690 --> 00:16:55,858
This is where the sinkhole opened up.
418
00:16:55,893 --> 00:16:59,461
And the guest list
that night was limited.
419
00:16:59,496 --> 00:17:02,897
There were a total of 30
people here that night.
420
00:17:03,967 --> 00:17:06,668
Only 30, huh?
421
00:17:06,704 --> 00:17:08,340
How do you pump your fists again?
422
00:17:09,324 --> 00:17:10,642
Is this it?
423
00:17:10,667 --> 00:17:13,908
But 66 others passed through
to take a look before it opened,
424
00:17:13,977 --> 00:17:15,677
and everyone else in the neighborhood
425
00:17:15,713 --> 00:17:17,011
was in a close radius.
426
00:17:17,047 --> 00:17:21,850
Oh, boy, that... doesn't
narrow it down at all.
427
00:17:21,885 --> 00:17:26,054
Feels like the end of the road.
428
00:17:26,089 --> 00:17:28,857
"End of the Road," Boyz II Men, karaoke.
429
00:17:28,892 --> 00:17:30,992
Let's go... don't
think about it too much.
430
00:17:31,027 --> 00:17:32,693
Janet.
431
00:17:32,729 --> 00:17:34,595
My hoodie, please.
432
00:17:39,569 --> 00:17:42,670
- What's happening?
- I give up.
433
00:17:42,705 --> 00:17:45,840
I can't help the people I
promised that I would help.
434
00:17:48,043 --> 00:17:51,544
I feel like "Friends" in season eight,
435
00:17:51,580 --> 00:17:55,515
out of ideas and forcing
Joey and Rachel together,
436
00:17:55,550 --> 00:17:56,954
even though it made no sense.
437
00:17:58,110 --> 00:18:01,789
I hope the sinkhole opens up
again and swallows me whole.
438
00:18:08,357 --> 00:18:09,462
Paula!
439
00:18:09,498 --> 00:18:10,963
Hey, girl.
440
00:18:10,999 --> 00:18:12,499
How's the dog?
441
00:18:12,534 --> 00:18:14,133
Still fat, Eleanor.
442
00:18:14,169 --> 00:18:15,802
Still fat.
443
00:18:15,837 --> 00:18:18,471
The vet says his stomach
expanded to the size
444
00:18:18,507 --> 00:18:21,374
of a basketball and that
it will never shrink.
445
00:18:21,443 --> 00:18:23,542
Oh, well, that's not my fault.
446
00:18:23,611 --> 00:18:25,978
How was I supposed to
know he would literally eat
447
00:18:26,014 --> 00:18:27,146
all of the food?
448
00:18:27,182 --> 00:18:29,348
It shouldn't have been an issue.
449
00:18:29,383 --> 00:18:30,850
You were supposed to be there,
450
00:18:30,885 --> 00:18:32,451
but you broke your promise
451
00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:34,386
as soon as it wasn't convenient for you,
452
00:18:34,455 --> 00:18:37,857
and now I have a very bulbous dog.
453
00:18:38,860 --> 00:18:39,860
Well, you know what?
454
00:18:39,893 --> 00:18:41,393
You're rude.
455
00:18:41,462 --> 00:18:45,030
'Cause you didn't even ask me
how the Rihanna concert was.
456
00:18:45,065 --> 00:18:47,566
She was very late.
457
00:18:47,635 --> 00:18:49,125
And a little drunk.
458
00:18:55,810 --> 00:18:58,743
I promised to help you, and I will,
459
00:18:58,812 --> 00:19:00,745
however I can.
460
00:19:00,814 --> 00:19:04,515
If you want to look at a
million rocks like a psychopath,
461
00:19:04,551 --> 00:19:05,917
I'll be there.
462
00:19:05,986 --> 00:19:08,820
If you want to just lay
here and cry in your hoodie,
463
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:10,088
I'm cool with that.
464
00:19:10,157 --> 00:19:13,152
Honestly, I don't know
how I can help you,
465
00:19:13,660 --> 00:19:16,961
'cause I'm just a
person and you're, like,
466
00:19:16,996 --> 00:19:21,098
this super magical Orville
Redenbacher type guy
467
00:19:21,133 --> 00:19:23,935
who invented this entire universe,
468
00:19:23,970 --> 00:19:26,637
but I'll do my best.
469
00:19:27,941 --> 00:19:29,639
I'm right here.
470
00:19:29,675 --> 00:19:31,275
Oh, my gosh.
471
00:19:34,613 --> 00:19:36,947
Of course.
472
00:19:36,983 --> 00:19:38,815
How did I not see it?
473
00:19:38,851 --> 00:19:41,151
Janet...
474
00:19:41,187 --> 00:19:42,853
I found the answer to the problem.
475
00:19:42,888 --> 00:19:44,554
Call a neighborhood meeting.
476
00:19:44,623 --> 00:19:46,289
Should it be festive and casual
477
00:19:46,324 --> 00:19:48,157
or moribund and devastating?
478
00:19:48,193 --> 00:19:50,337
Moribund and devastating, please.
479
00:19:50,362 --> 00:19:51,428
Great!
480
00:19:59,978 --> 00:20:01,778
Hello, Jianyu, Chidi.
481
00:20:04,492 --> 00:20:05,957
What's this?
482
00:20:05,993 --> 00:20:08,026
I made you a art.
483
00:20:08,061 --> 00:20:11,129
It's three of me.
484
00:20:11,164 --> 00:20:12,865
It's ballerinas,
485
00:20:12,900 --> 00:20:15,133
painted in the style
of the impressionists.
486
00:20:15,168 --> 00:20:17,403
Of course.
487
00:20:17,471 --> 00:20:21,306
You don't say things, but you do things.
488
00:20:21,341 --> 00:20:24,409
And you feel things.
489
00:20:24,477 --> 00:20:27,045
Only my true soul
mate could ever give me
490
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:28,813
such a perfect gift.
491
00:20:28,848 --> 00:20:30,315
Thank you.
492
00:20:38,358 --> 00:20:39,924
What's going on?
493
00:20:39,992 --> 00:20:41,191
Well, I did what you said.
494
00:20:41,227 --> 00:20:44,028
I honored my agreement to help Michael
495
00:20:44,063 --> 00:20:48,365
find the problem, and
he found the problem.
496
00:20:48,401 --> 00:20:50,034
Oh, I'm so sorry.
497
00:20:50,069 --> 00:20:53,170
After I'm gone, take down the
rest of those clown paintings.
498
00:20:53,205 --> 00:20:56,773
But leave up the sexy mailman.
499
00:20:56,842 --> 00:20:59,009
To remember me by.
500
00:20:59,045 --> 00:21:01,211
Thank you all for your
patience with the problems
501
00:21:01,247 --> 00:21:03,013
in our neighborhood.
502
00:21:03,049 --> 00:21:06,250
I have finally discovered the cause.
503
00:21:06,285 --> 00:21:10,354
There was one common
link among every incident.
504
00:21:10,389 --> 00:21:13,022
And when I figured it
out, it was a shock.
505
00:21:13,058 --> 00:21:16,092
But there's no escaping it.
506
00:21:16,127 --> 00:21:18,762
The problem...
507
00:21:18,797 --> 00:21:19,963
is me.
508
00:21:21,032 --> 00:21:22,766
And now...
509
00:21:22,801 --> 00:21:24,760
I have to leave you...
510
00:21:24,785 --> 00:21:25,902
forever.
511
00:21:30,151 --> 00:21:31,851
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
512
00:21:32,172 --> 00:21:33,672
resynced by terrible