- Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -
Bette, come here!
What?
You're ovulating.
I'm ovulating.
Let's make a baby.
Why don't you get dressed? And I'll drop you off on my way to work.
- Hey, Tim. - Bye.
- Good luck. - Thanks.
Ah! I am so ready.
- It's coming. - Thank you.
Hi, Shane.
She doesn't talk to anyone before her morning shot.
Here, you go, Don Juan.
She's a kid.
- A kid. - Whatever. It's fine.
- I mean, don't freak out. - Okay.
All right, later, guys.
- Bye! - Bye, Lisa.
See you, Shane.
- Whoa, you're not leaving already? - Yeah, I got a 9:00, guys.
- See you. - See you.
Hi.
- Good morning. - Good morning.
I'll meet you at the doctor's.
Hey, what time are we supposed to be at what's-his-name's?
- 11:00. - Okay. Bye, guys.
Oh, my God, is it happening today?
- Is what today? - The insemination.
Oh. Mm...
So you're doing it at the doctor's office this time?
But first, Dan Foxworthy.
- No way. - Who?
Why don't I know what you're talking about?
Because you don't read.
And what are you, the intellectual of life?
Dan Foxworthy is, like,
the super-exclusive shrink to the stars.
He was on our list of L.A.'s Best Self-Improvement gurus.
- How did you get that appointment? - I just called and asked.
Don't tell Bette I told you, okay?
But what are you guys doing? I mean, you don't need a shrink.
We're just checking in.
We're about to do this incredibly major thing.
But wait, you guys have the best relationship
of anybody I know, gay or straight.
I just want to make sure we're good.
Sorry.
Hi.
Could I offer you a ride?
- I missed you so much. - I missed you.
- Is that all you have? - That's all I have.
I can't believe you're here.
Come on.
She's always running late.
She had a board meeting, then she had a meeting with an artist.
Bette's the director of the California Art Center.
I see.
And she's probably going to be really stressed about time.
After this, we have to go get sperm.
We're trying to have a baby,
and our friend Sean's donating.
Sorry I'm late.
James, yeah, I got to go in a minute.
No, no, no, no. The artwork is way too delicate,
it's being flown in from Paris,
and Annie is already a complete and total nervous wreck.
Just call Adams Fine Art Movers.
Tell them, if they want to do business with C.A.C. again...
exactly. Okay, great. Thanks. Bye.
Okay, here I am.
So...
We are heading north right now towards the Hollywood Hills.
A little further to the right is the Hollywood sign,
and if you keep going all the way in that direction,
you hit the Pacific ocean.
Oh, can we go?
Yeah, whenever you want...
As often as you want.
Do you want to tell me what the thinking is
behind trying to have a child together
when your sexual relationship has been pretty shitty
- for going on three years? - It's not shitty.
- It may not be perfect... - There's a lot more to a relationship than sex.
We've been together for seven years.
I know plenty of couples who still have sex after seven years.
It's not like we never have sex.
A lot of heterosexual couples have children
when their relationships aren't perfect.
You just obviously don't understand
what happens in a lesbian relationship.
I knew this was a bad idea. I don't believe
that a straight male therapist can possibly understand.
Early sex is passionate.
It's illicit, exciting.
It still has that...
... factor, but very quickly
a kind of symbiosis develops.
It especially happens between two women
who are doing the work of making a serious commitment to one another,
and when that merging occurs,
the intense mutual dependency can be a deterrent to sexual intimacy.
Oh, my God.
The lesbian urge to merge.
- We have to stop now. - Oh.
- Do you want to schedule another session? - We'll let you know.
I think Tina and I need to talk.
What about this insemination?
That's not up for discussion.
- Not up for discussion? - No, it's not.
I quit my job.
I was a pretty successful development executive.
Now I want to relax and prepare my body for pregnancy.
That's what I'm doing. I'm ready to start a family.
We're both ready to start a family. Right?
Absolutely.
Right.
Okay. Great.
So this is it.
- This is our neighborhood. - I can't believe this is our home.
- It's very traditional. - Wait till you get to know it.
- What do you mean? - It's just, uh,
not as traditional as you might think.
So here's your new home.
I can't believe I'm finally here.
This has been the longest six months in history, Tim.
Yeah, but your studio's finally ready.
Okay, so this used to be a garage.
Until a few days ago. I did a remodel on it for you.
Go on.
Try it out. Come on.
Oh, my God!
I love it!
I have to go, all right? I'll be back soon.
What a fucking auspicious occasion.
I'd love to break open a bottle of champagne,
but I've got to get back to work sometime today.
- I'm sorry it's not more enticing. - Hey, don't worry,
I do this all the time.
I love his new work.
He's using paint so much more freely.
Yeah, I don't remember his work
having this much texture.
Come on! Oh!
I don't want you to be stressed out, honey.
I... I know this is your first time curating for me,
and I'm going to give you a lot of support...
Hey, listen, this'll lighten your load.
Guess what Tina has between her legs.
Close.
A jar of Sean Heaney's sperm.
I kid you not.
She's keeping it warm.
Well, supposedly, once it's been ejaculated,
it survives longer if you keep it at body temperature.
Huh?
Oh, uh... hold on a second.
Uh, it's only about half an inch,
but they say it's quality, not quantity.
God, it's repugnant.
I can't believe I used to swallow that stuff.
Yeah, Tina said I could swim here whenever.
They're uptight at The Chateau.
- How are they uptight? - Well, they don't let you swim naked.
It is a public pool.
All right, I'm going to take a look at this,
and while I'm gone...
Well, remember how I told you
that there's a fair amount of evidence now
that it's more likely to take if you're aroused.
She's not serious.
Am I supposed to fuck you right here?
I think it would help.
This is just...
This is... This is too weird for me, I... I mean... I...
I just... You know, I really...
Frankly, I find it incredibly inappropriate that she even suggested it.
You know, I mean, I bet she would never
do that with a straight couple.
Come in.
Could you come here a minute, please?
You might want to take a look at this.
Shouldn't they be moving more?
Yeah, that's what I wanted to show you.
I am so sorry to tell you, but that stuff wouldn't get anyone pregnant.
Those little fellas just don't have what it takes.
- Hello. - Hi.
What kind of, um, positions do you have available?
Because I might be looking for a job.
- Oh, um, cashier. - Really?
- Yeah. - Excellent.
Um, could I have an application?
- Yeah. - Great.
- Oh, Tina, where is she? - There she is.
- Ah! - Your ladyship, please,
don't jar anything.
It's not like it's going to dislodge if she sits down too hard, Alice.
There's nothing to dislodge.
Sean's sperm is lackluster.
He has low motility. No motility, actually.
Oh, my God.
You would never know it by the way he fucks.
Oh, Christ, Alice.
When are you going to make up your mind between dick and pussy?
- And spare us the gory bisexual details, please. - Well, for your information, Dana,
I'm looking for the same qualities in a man as I am in a woman.
Big tits.
It explains why I haven't gotten pregnant after six months.
Oh, sorry, Tee. He was the perfect donor.
He was the one who Bette wanted,
but my egg just implanted,
so I could still conceive anytime over the next two or three days,
so you got to help me find another donor.
Oh la la, what's the matter?
- Sean's jism was no good. - Aw. We'll find you someone else.
- Who? I've got two days. - Well, between the four of us,
we'll come up with someone. What, he has to be healthy,
- strong, creative, handsome... - Artistic.
There's always Shane.
- Guys... - Hey!
You know, do you have to dress like that all the time?
Like what?
Well, I wouldn't be seen on the street with you.
- Yeah? - I mean, every single thing
about the way you're dressed, like, screams "dyke."
- God, Dana... - Sorry, man.
Look, if I'm outed, I'm screwed, Alice, all right?
Sponsors aren't exactly clamoring to have their stuff repped
- by big old lezzie tennis players. - No, no, no, look, it's cool.
I totally dig you need to make a living.
I'm meeting a client anyway.
You know, you are going to pickle
in that self-loathing homophobia, I swear.
Yeah? Well, you're going to shrivel
- in that self-righteous priggishness. - You guys...
All right, who would squirt into a jar for you?
Hello...
- What? - You are just so gay.
So gay.
I know.
I know...
Do you, uh... do you know the neighbors next door?
- Bette and Tina? - Yeah. Are they, um, like, a couple?
Yeah, they are.
Because I saw them having sex in their pool this afternoon.
No way. Not Bette and Tina.
- What, they don't have sex? - No, probably they do, it's just that...
You sure you saw them getting down?
I saw them getting way down, Tim.
- Is that right? - Mm-hmm.
Why don't you tell me about it?
Okay.
There was this girl...
With short black hair...
And she walks out,
and she takes off her clothes in, like, two seconds flat.
Yeah? Like this?
- I think it was a little bit faster. - Oh, really?
- Yeah, I do. - We'll work on that.
Okay. And then there was, um, this blonde girl
who had these really beautiful breasts,
but I wasn't really watching that closely.
Oh, I think you were watching...
Very closely.
What did they do next?
Come on.
The tall skinny one takes the blonde vampy one...
backs her against the side of the pool
and then she begins to fuck her.
Like this?
Oh, fuck...
Trish... your backstroke is looking much better.
- Oh, thanks. - You're looking good for USC.
You guys got some extra stroke training scheduled?
- Yeah, tomorrow after physics, right? - Yeah.
Hey, do you think that you could maybe come with me
in the morning to talk to Durst about repeating my midterm?
I can't really do it in the morning.
My girlfriend Jenny's in town.
She wants me to take her car shopping.
Oh, she's moving here?
Yep. She's in it for the long haul.
Oh.
Trish...
maybe after practice, you and I can go talk to Durst together.
Okay.
Now, you know you just broke that girl's heart, right?
Sorry, man, what was I supposed to do?
Oh, my God, is that Dana Fairbanks
- at The Planet in West Hollywood? - Shh!
She doesn't want her tennis fans to know she's a gay lady.
Funny.
Okay, fine.
What do you guys think about butt waxing?
- Who has hair on their butt? - I don't know.
At least I don't anymore.
Why don't you just trim it?
Listen, you guys, you'll have to figure this all out
- without the benefit of my wisdom. - Oh!
Bette, Tina, guess what. I had a genius idea.
I have solved your donor problem.
You two are having a party this Saturday night,
and we are inviting all the eligible men that we know.
Oh, yeah, that's right, all two of them.
No, yeah. Get them all together at one time.
Right, just go fishing in the pond.
Great.
I'm leaving now.
- I'm going to call you about that! - Okay.
Back to my question, please.
Okay... Trimming is essential. You know?
You just do it a few days before you get laid.
Assuming you ever do.
Whatever you do,
you have to deal with it.
Otherwise you'll never have bush confidence.
If you don't have bush confidence,
you won't feel good about your bush,
and you'll never get laid.
So deal with it.
Okay.
Do you need any rosemary?
It's kind of taking over my garden.
Oh, hi.
- Did I scare you? I'm sorry. - Oh, no, no. Not at all.
I'm Jenny.
I'm Tina. It's nice to meet you.
I would love some rosemary.
Thanks.
I have this story that I've written called
"Thus Spoke Sarah Shuster... "
I feel like that's, like, the last story
that I ever want to write about being a student.
Oh, you might change your mind when you get older.
I'm actually thinking about going back to school.
- I'd like a new career. - You should do it.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Maybe in a couple years.
Right now I'm trying to have a baby.
Really?
But Tim said that you and... Bette...
- Yeah. - Were a couple.
- We are. - Oh.
- And I'm trying to get pregnant. - Oh, my God, yes. No.
- Yes. - Well, everything still works.
- Yes. - We can still have babies.
It's just like...
There was, like, a momentary brain lapse.
- Hey, guys. - Hey.
Hey.
- Gay dads group. - Oh, my God.
They meet once a week at a house over on Ogden.
It's all very L.A., huh?
No, it's nice.
Um, I should go home and write.
Okay.
- Thank you very much for the rosemary. - You're welcome.
We're having a party tomorrow night.
- Oh, yeah? - You and Tim should come.
Okay. I'll ask Tim if he wants to.
- Nice meeting you. - It was nice to meet you, too, Jenny.
Bye.
Hey...
What do you have to say for yourself, huh?
Can I see your license and registration?
- Look, I really got to... - Ma'am.
Okay. I... hang on.
You know, I was on my way
to my first paying gig in over a year.
You are so overreacting. She is our friend.
Oh! Like that's ever stopped you before.
- Like that's ever stopped anyone before. - You're right.
Lesbians think friendship's another word for foreplay.
Hello.
How you doing?
Have you ever noticed that every time Shane walks into a room,
someone leaves crying?
- Shane? - Yeah? Hey...
Hey, how come you didn't call me the other night?
- I left, like, five messages. - Oh. Well,
you know, I haven't had my cell phone.
So, when I go get my cell phone and I check my messages,
I will call you.
All right? It was good to see you, though.
- Mm-hmm. - You take care.
It's just wrong. You just can't treat people like that.
You have to tell Shane...
That that's just not right.
Okay. I'll tell her.
- Hi. - Hi. Welcome.
Bette, everyone, I want you to meet our next-door neighbors.
- This is Tim... - Oh, hi.
- Oh, and this must be... - Jenny.
Nice to meet you. Bette.
And Alice Pieszecki and Shane McCutcheon.
Nice to meet you.
Excuse me. Are you Dana Fairbanks?
- I'm sorry. What? - Dana Fairbanks.
- Yes. I am. - I'm a huge fan.
- Really? - I saw you almost beat Capriati last year
at the women's invitational.
- Great. She's going to be insufferable. - Oh, God, it's just one fan.
- It's okay. - Jenny, this is Dana Fairbanks.
- Hi. - She's one of the best players
on the women's tennis circuit right now.
This is my doubles partner, Harrison Landy.
- Um, honey, this is Tim... - Tim.
- Tim and Jenny. - Good to meet you. Jenny.
- Nice to meet you. - What the hell are you doing?
- Field research. - Yeah, there's a scientist
at the national enquirer who says that
if your ring finger is longer than your index finger,
- it means you're a lesbian. - Mm-hmm.
Yeah. Totally gay.
Was there ever any doubt?
Oh, my God, look. I'm gay, too.
Thank God. Otherwise I'd have to leave you.
Okay, Alice makes the team, but just barely.
This may be controversial,
but it seems like I might be a lesbian, too.
Oh, that's so weird.
Her index finger and ring finger are exactly the same length.
- What does that mean? - Maybe she's bisexual.
Oh, look, there's Simon Bonham.
Dana and Harrison, can you make Tim and Jenny a drink for me?
Yeah, sure, sure, sure.
- Uh, drinks? Kitchen? - Yeah.
- Great. - So, Tim, do you play tennis?
'Cause I'm always looking for a little action.
- Okay, drinks. - Uh, actually, I'm a swim coach.
Oh.
According to our computer, ma'am,
this license was revoked six months ago.
Well, that's what I would call a technicality.
If you want to get technical,
I should haul you downtown and throw you in jail.
I was on my way to a gig at the Roxy.
Yeah, y... you know Ivan Neville, he's on the bill with me.
Well, he and I were going to check out an A.A. meeting together.
- Ivan Neville of the Neville brothers? - Yeah.
God, I love the Neville brothers.
Oh. Oh, we... Have you ever seen them in concert?
Well, once, years ago. Back when I was stationed in New Orleans.
Oh... well, have you ever been onstage,
five feet away from Aaron and his brothers, performing?
Say, like, uh, uh...
A month from now at the House of Blues?
You know, I could hook you up.
All right, look, this is still revoked. All right?
And we have to leave the car.
... like a tough sort of tennis player.
No, I'd never wear... It's too masculine for me.
- I would never wear anything like that. - I like it.
No, it looks great on him, doesn't it?
It's kind of sexy.
Wow.
This is very... a very interesting party.
Oh, that's because Bette's a big art world lady,
so there are a lot of artists.
- Yeah, and a lot of... - Lezzies?
- Mm-hmm. - Really? Are there really?
- You know, I hadn't noticed that. - Yeah, it's kind of hard to miss.
Tina told me that she and Bette
- are thinking about having a baby. - Mm-hmm.
Oh, there's a lot of that going around.
They even had to change that famous joke.
It used to be,
"What do lesbians bring on a second date?
A moving van."
Now it's,
"What do lesbians bring on a second date?
A turkey baster."
That's so funny.
Honey, I don't even know why you'd know that joke.
Who's he been hanging out with, huh?
Excuse me.
- ... commitment from you. That's really not what we're... - Excuse me.
Hi, I'm sorry. What were you thinking?
Excuse me, Simon. What was I thinking, what?
Inviting those geeky straight people. I'm sorry. No offense.
I mean, I've got to hang on Harrison all night long
- like some big fat hetero. - Excuse me, Dana.
We really love you, but it's not our cross to bear
that you and Harrison have decided
to masquerade as Ozzie and Harriet.
- Okay? - Great. Thanks.
Sorry, Simon. So what was I saying?
- Commitment. - Oh, right, commitment.
We wouldn't expect any kind of commitment from you,
financial or otherwise. I mean, really,
you wouldn't even have to know the child if you didn't...
Although it would be nice if you wanted to have...
I mean, we would like it if our donor had a relationship with our child.
Yeah, but you'd have to sign a donor contract
- relinquishing all parental rights... - Whoa, Bette, Tina, slow down.
- I don't want you to waste your breath. - What?
I'm flattered. I'm totally flattered,
but I just couldn't handle it.
I mean, what happens when this kid turns 17,
his life's a complete mess, and he hates both of your guts
and the next thing I know, he's camped out on my doorstep
asking me to save him from his miserable fucking life?
I can't do that.
Um...
Best first fiction?
Yes.
- Wow, isn't that, like, a major prize? - Um, I guess so.
So, um, what's the story about?
I have this, uh, this character that I write about
that's sort of like this alter ego, but not really,
and the story's called "Thus Spoke Sarah Shuster."
That's pretty bold.
I hope you're good.
Um, Jenny, this is Marina. She owns The Planet.
- It's a little café down on Santa Monica... - Yeah, I... I walked by the other day,
but it was too crowded, so I didn't go in.
It gets really crowded,
thanks to Alice, who wrote me up in her magazine.
- Are you a writer? - Yeah, for L.A. Magazine.
Yeah, more of a journalist... Little different from you.
- I don't think it's different... - Jenny just won this literary prize,
really big, for the story she was just talking about,
- "Just Spoke" something... - Oh, "Thus Spoke Zarathustra."
That's a Nietzsche reference.
- Yeah. - Has your story been published?
Yes. It'll be in the next Best American Short Stories. Right?
Which is... I don't know if I told you,
but I write a lot of "Best Of" pieces.
That's where I discovered Amy Bloom.
I read this beautiful story she wrote called, um...
Silver Water.
"Come to Me."
That's one of my favorite collections.
I think that I've probably read
everything that Amy Bloom has ever written.
I'm about to start on this "Best Cosmetics Under $100."
- Oh. - There's supposedly this guy in Calabasas
who does these Botox injections for 75 bucks a pop.
Oh. Isn't that illegal?
Have you read anything by Anne Carson?
"Autobiography of Red... "
"Eros the Bittersweet."
I think those books practically changed my life.
What about you. Have you read them?
Yes.
Wow!
You guys should totally take the Cosmo romance compatibility quiz.
Well, this would be my singular
romantic compatibility question.
What is your favorite... No, no, your most...
Influential, important, life-altering book of all time?
I don't know if I want to answer that.
What's yours?
I asked you first.
I have an idea.
Jenny, you could whisper yours in this ear,
and, Marina, you can whisper yours in this ear,
and I'll tell you if you're compatible.
I think I already know.
Whatever. I'm just
going to leave you two alone to get married.
What did you say?
Bette was set on an artist,
but she says that you have exquisite taste
- in the work that you show in your gallery. - I do.
- Aw... You said that? - Mm-hmm.
I got to tell you, I couldn't be more flattered.
I know you two are going to be wonderful mothers,
and I bet you'll have guys lining up around the block,
begging to jerk off for you.
Robin, are you setting us up for a turn-down?
Believe me, it's got nothing to do with you guys.
No, I have no reservations about you two.
It's my own genetic shortcomings,
which I wouldn't want to pass on to any child.
I mean, look how bow-legged I am.
It's a family trait.
Oh, that's cute. We could live with that.
I also carry the gene for buck teeth.
My mother and my three sisters are all...
There are always braces.
We also have a propensity for shingles,
early onset manic depression.
Both treatable.
Premature hair loss, among the women,
as well as the men...
- We could get one of those... - A weave.
Also a hideous tendency to drool...
Okay.
- We get the picture. - We get it.
Okay.
- Yep. - Thank you.
- Thanks, Robin. - Sure.
Sorry. Good luck.
I'm really sorry you missed your gig.
And you know what to do about you car?
Yeah.
Yeah, don't go beating yourself up over it.
You are one decent human being,
and that's rare in this soulless town.
Keep it real.
All right.
- No way. - Kit!
- Hi! - Hey, girl, what's up?
- Good to see you. - How you doing?
Come on in. Welcome.
Yeah, thanks, girl.
Hey.
There you are.
I'm just waiting for the washroom.
Do you want to...
- You were on the Olympic swim team? - Yeah, I was.
This is amazing. I have a project about competitive swimming,
but we haven't been able to crack the story.
Would you be interested?
There is this one incredibly dramatic thing that happened.
When I was swimming for U of Chicago,
we had this one guy on the team
- that was probably the best swimmer... - Tim, take me home.
- Jen, I want you to meet... - I want you to take me home now.
- Excuse me. - Yeah, sure.
Um, look, obviously, I... I have to go.
- It was good talking to you. - Yeah, you too. Thank you.
Okay. Is your sister, like, the coolest person on earth or what?
What's Kit doing here?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Jen, I was in the middle of a conversation.
Do you want to at least tell me what's going on?
- I felt weird. - That's pretty vague, Jen,
even for you. You felt weird.
What are you... Jen, come on.
We need to talk.
Jen, what are you doing?
Jen...
Are you going to tell me why you're not at your gig at the Roxy?
Well, that was something I came over here to tell you...
Bette, you never told me that Kit Porter was your sister.
Wow.
My half-sister.
- Guess which half. - That is extremely cool.
Jeremy Block. I said hi earlier.
I saw you play a couple years ago at the Hollywood Roosevelt.
You... you're awesome.
Oh, thank you. You're very kind.
No, really. We're putting together the soundtrack
to a picture I'm producing. We're working with a bunch of classic
jazz and blues ladies,
and I guarantee he will completely dig you.
Well, I was about to get into something here with my baby sister...
I'm sure it can wait. I've got a house full of people.
Well, come on. The party's in the back room at Les Deux.
Are you sure?
It's a potential gig. You should definitely go.
Okay.
Yeah, well, hey, why don't I ride with you?
Sure.
What an ego bruiser.
Three turn-downs in one night.
Is there something wrong with our pitch?
It has nothing to do with you guys.
You know, it's... it's the new male.
What?
What do you know about men?
I mean, you've never even been with a man.
Well, the new male is more spiritual than the old male.
You know, he sees his sperm as an extension of his inner being.
Whereas the old male shot into any female
without thinking about what would happen,
the new male totally cares what becomes of his seed.
Oh, my God, it's Yoda.
Yeah, they teach that at hairdresser school, by the way.
Well, that's just great. Why did they have to get all sensitive on us
just when we needed them to keep on being the same old assholes?
I don't know.
All right.
- Yeah, we're going to go. - Don't go.
Good night, you guys.
- Bye. - Bye.
- She's totally going home with that girl. - I'm sorry.
Oh, my God. Get off of me. Harrison, the party's over.
- We can go back to being gay. - I got to go.
You guys need help cleaning up?
- We got it. - Yeah, Sonia's coming in tomorrow.
- Okay, good night, you guys. - Good night.
- Thank you so much. - Bye-bye.
- Have a good night. - Good night.
Oh, shit.
How long have you been out here?
I couldn't sleep last night.
You were totally out.
Yeah, well, somebody wore me out.
I came out here around 3:00...
In the morning,
and then I started to write,
and that was so scary.
It's a whole new place, Jen.
It's just going to take you a while to find your groove.
Yeah.
You know,
you never told me why you were so upset last night.
Um...
because I was just a little drunk.
I hope I didn't ruin your night.
- No, I think it turned out pretty well. - Okay.
- What did you think? - Yeah.
Okay, everybody, let's get those butts up out of the saddle
and get on the road.
That fucking party made me so depressed.
We have to wait a whole month before another insemination.
At least you have somebody to wait with.
At least there's somebody in bed next to you
when you wake up in the morning, you know?
Now, everyone, drop your heads,
close your eyes and set your intentions.
Why are you here?
To gossip with your friends?
To change your body?
What do you want to get out of the next 40 minutes?
A good look at your spectacular tits would be nice.
- So go for it. - No!
Besides, she's straight.
How do you know?
Because I'm so attracted to her.
Every time I'm attracted to somebody,
- she's either unavailable or straight. - Dana!
♪ I'm here to make your day ♪
♪ I'm here to please you ♪
♪ you are here to make my day ♪
♪ I'm here to help myself to you ♪
- Jenny! - Hey.
- Hey, are you here by yourself? - Yeah. I am by myself,
- but I'm going to go home and make a sandwich. - No, no,
we've got a table. Come sit with us.
Okay. Okay.
This instructor recommended this workshop
called All Write, w-r-i-t-e...
And this instructor meets with you
and does this thing called bodywork,
you know, to help you get in touch with your inner voice,
- which I thought was weird. - Hey...
You know, you should check out my magazine,
because we sometimes do these resource lists
- for the creative community. - Oh, okay.
Or, you know, UCLA might be your best bet.
No. I don't want to...
I don't want to go back to school.
Marina has a reading group. You guys met the other night.
- Hi, Jenny. - Hey...
So,
how do you like The Planet?
It's beautiful. It's nice.
You want to come to my reading group?
Yes.
That means I can read one of your stories.
No, you can read anything you want.
You know, anything.
Oh, shit. Oh, God, it's late.
You know, I, uh, I'm starting a new tour,
so I should go practice.
I'm going to follow you guys out.
- Jenny, good luck. - Yes. Thank you.
I think you might have found what you were looking for.
- Bye, Alice. - It's good to see you.
You'll be okay?
- Yeah, I'm good. - Of course she's okay.
- You're okay, right? - No, I'm good. I'm good. I, uh...
- I hope I didn't upset you the other night... - No...
you didn't upset me.
I just, uh... I came here
to say that I'm not...
I'm not...
A big coffee drinker?
I have to go.
Tim is going to be home at 5:00.
So...
It... it's only 2:00.
- So I need... - Don't get so upset.
- It's only 2:00. - I know, but I need to be there...
when he calls, okay?
- Okay. - Okay.
I'll walk you to your car.
Okay.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- Thank you. - For what?
Turning you into a speed freak?
- Is this your car? - Yes. I mean,
this is Tim's car.
It's embarrassing.
A muscle car.
It's sexy.
Are you busy tomorrow night?
Do you want to come to Radar?
What's Radar?
It's a special night we do here on Tuesdays.
Right.
Um...
No, thank you.
Okay.
- Call me if you change your mind. - Okay.
I could do this. Yes.
And you have no problem with the concept
of bringing a child into the world and having absolutely no say
as to how he or she is raised?
I must have children all over the world.
Now, why would I have a problem with this one?
I will sign the donor's contract now.
Jean-Paul, I don't mean to be rude or anything,
but do you have any, uh,
medical problems,
any history of family illnesses, or...
Health is excellent with the Chamois family.
Jean-Paul, I know you say
that you're comfortable with all of this,
- but I just think about it for a minute. - Where is this contract?
- Mm-hmm, and when we do this? - When Tina's next ovulating.
You want to do this here in my bed?
Bon. Bon. Or you want me to come to you?
- Uh... - Um...
Wherever you want.
We'll give you a sterile cup.
I mean, or if you prefer, if you need your privacy,
I can come back later after you finish and pick it up.
Cup?
- What is this cup? - Oh, it's a specimen cup.
You ejaculate into it.
Oh, no, no, no, we don't do that way.
We do as a man and a woman.
Oh, Jean-Paul, I'm sorry,
- I just thought you understood that... - Do you want it to be all three?
Because that would be fine. It is going to be your baby, too.
No.
No? Just me and her then.
- Bon. - Jean-Paul,
not only are we monogamous, we don't sleep with men.
But to have a baby, there is no other way.
It's just not an option for us, okay?
But for me, it is the only option.
An obligation.
I could not bring a baby into this world
who was not conceived through the passionate...
Mm, mm...
Between a man and a woman.
Hey! The penis. The pussy. The baby.
You can't be serious.
"Ze penis, ze pussy, ze baby"?
Oh, God, I swear...
Come on, Tee, it's funny.
I'm sorry, I don't find it funny.
Well, try. It's important to have a sense of humor about these things.
Oh, well, I guess you'll just take care of that for the both of us.
Why are you doing this?
What? What am I doing?
We got Mary, and we got Trish, and I think we...
- Hey, Randy. Hey. - Hey.
Wow.
You look amazing.
- Thanks. - Damn.
I think I'm going to ditch Randy and take you out myself.
Do you want to come?
'Cause we got a shitload of work to do,
- but you do look great. - Thank you.
I'm not going to be late.
- Okay. - Okay.
Good-bye.
- Bye, Randy. - Good night.
Where's she off to all dolled up like that?
Uh, The Planet.
They're having some kind of special party or something.
And you're letting her go alone?
I'm making her go.
She doesn't know that many people.
I don't know if you know it, but she's kind of a recluse.
Uh... hi.
- Hello, Jenny. - Uh...
- it's all women. - Oh, yeah, Radar is a women's party.
Sorry. Sorry.
That's the one I'm talking about. What do you think?
Hot. So hot.
- Hi. - Hi, Jenny.
I didn't know you were coming out tonight.
- Yeah, Marina invited me. - Hey, hey.
- Hello. - I thought she'd like Radar.
Bette's sister Kit does a poetry night.
I think you'd enjoy it.
Um... Where is Bette?
- She's at work. - They're still fighting.
Oh, my God, there are so many hot girls here.
- Hi. - Hi.
- How are you? - Good.
I'm going to go play pool, so see you all later.
You should have hit on her when we first came in.
I don't get it.
I mean, what does Shane have that I don't have?
- It has to do with her attitude. - I've got attitude.
- It's because she's so withholding. - No. It's because she's so confident.
No, it's because she's stupid,
- and stupid people are too dumb to be insecure. - Dana, she's your friend.
It's confidence, okay? I'm telling you.
And it's because of her nipples.
What do you mean it's because of her nipples?
She has the best nipples in town, and she knows it.
Oh, my God, you're so right. She has nipple confidence.
- They are nice. - Yeah, they're small and they're perfectly formed.
I wonder if I could sell a story on L.A.'s best nipples.
That's a good one, right?
I think I'm just gonna wander around for a bit.
- Are you all right? - Yeah, I'm good.
Hi, there.
No, thank you.
- Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -