1 00:00:13,936 --> 00:00:17,064 This is a 1908 first edition Model T, 2 00:00:17,147 --> 00:00:19,233 with a 30-inch pneumatic clincher. 3 00:00:19,316 --> 00:00:23,487 A top speed of 42 miles per hour, and an outmoded nickel crank. 4 00:00:23,570 --> 00:00:27,824 Speaking of outmoded cranks, here's the owner, C. Montgomery Burns. 5 00:00:27,908 --> 00:00:31,703 You'll have to pry this car from my cold, dead hand. 6 00:00:32,913 --> 00:00:34,748 Hmm. Well done. 7 00:00:34,831 --> 00:00:38,835 All that for today's episode of Comedians in Cars Kvetching. 8 00:00:38,919 --> 00:00:41,213 With my guest Krusty the Clown. 9 00:00:41,296 --> 00:00:43,257 Today's colleges are too PC. 10 00:00:43,340 --> 00:00:45,968 Don't get me started on today's colleges. 11 00:00:46,051 --> 00:00:50,681 Apparently, college kids don't dig my Ho Chi Minnow character anymore. 12 00:00:50,764 --> 00:00:54,267 What's not to like? It's a communist fish! 13 00:00:54,351 --> 00:00:57,187 Oh, I wish I could do drivel like you, Jerry. 14 00:00:57,270 --> 00:01:00,190 Drivel. Funny word. What's the plural? "Drivelous"? 15 00:01:01,358 --> 00:01:04,695 That looks like you'll be jaywalking home. 16 00:01:04,778 --> 00:01:08,740 Every time a rich comedian runs out of ideas, he does a car show. 17 00:01:10,784 --> 00:01:13,620 Oh, no. It's Carpool Karaoke. 18 00:01:16,790 --> 00:01:17,916 ♪ Shoo-be-dee-bop-bop-bop ♪ 19 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,793 ♪ Please call 911 ♪ 20 00:01:20,544 --> 00:01:23,463 Yawn. Everything is so "drivelous". 21 00:01:23,547 --> 00:01:24,756 - _ - Farmers. 22 00:01:25,424 --> 00:01:26,633 - _ - Bazinga'd out. 23 00:01:26,717 --> 00:01:28,510 - _ - Too much sleaze. 24 00:01:28,593 --> 00:01:30,345 - _ - Too many fleas. 25 00:01:30,429 --> 00:01:32,681 We never watch what I wanna watch. 26 00:01:32,764 --> 00:01:34,683 Okay. What do you want to watch? 27 00:01:34,766 --> 00:01:36,810 Oh. I didn't think I'd get my way. 28 00:01:37,712 --> 00:01:39,646 So much pressure. 29 00:01:39,730 --> 00:01:43,233 Okay. Scanning through 1000 channels and... 30 00:01:44,317 --> 00:01:45,402 nothing good. 31 00:01:45,485 --> 00:01:49,406 Mom, maybe you could tell a story about us when we were younger. 32 00:01:49,489 --> 00:01:54,119 Um, we've done that a few times. Not sure what stories are left. 33 00:01:54,202 --> 00:01:57,247 Maggie's first tooth, Grampa's last tooth, 34 00:01:57,330 --> 00:02:00,625 the time Homer thought he invented stuffed crust pizza. 35 00:02:00,709 --> 00:02:02,294 I did invent it. 36 00:02:02,377 --> 00:02:05,338 I'm the Thomas Edison of stuffing things with cheese. 37 00:02:05,422 --> 00:02:06,590 Including yourself. 38 00:02:07,313 --> 00:02:08,425 Why you, little. 39 00:02:08,811 --> 00:02:13,430 Your primitive strangling is no match for fireplace tongs. 40 00:02:21,021 --> 00:02:23,148 We just made some memories, boy. 41 00:02:26,902 --> 00:02:29,529 Well, at least we used the fireplace for once. 42 00:02:29,613 --> 00:02:31,740 And this does remind me of a story. 43 00:02:31,823 --> 00:02:34,993 It's a story of a very sad time, 44 00:02:35,077 --> 00:02:40,374 a time when we thought Bart might be a truly bad boy. 45 00:02:40,457 --> 00:02:41,833 It was four years ago. 46 00:02:41,917 --> 00:02:46,755 Bart was six, and Homer was gently reading little Lisa to sleep. 47 00:02:48,131 --> 00:02:52,094 "The scared little bird walked up to the steam shovel. 48 00:02:52,177 --> 00:02:54,679 "Are you my mother? Asked the bird. 49 00:02:54,763 --> 00:02:57,349 The steam shovel said, snort!" 50 00:03:00,352 --> 00:03:02,104 This story is terrifying. 51 00:03:02,187 --> 00:03:05,232 Okay, fine. We'll read a totally not scary book 52 00:03:05,315 --> 00:03:09,277 about two lost children about to be eaten by a witch. 53 00:03:10,779 --> 00:03:14,366 Witches, steam shovels, empty pants. 54 00:03:14,449 --> 00:03:17,035 One more thing and I'm gonna scream. 55 00:03:17,119 --> 00:03:19,162 I caught a frog, I caught a frog. 56 00:03:19,246 --> 00:03:20,705 Ooh. Where did he go? 57 00:03:25,627 --> 00:03:27,212 What's going on in there? 58 00:03:27,295 --> 00:03:29,089 Boy, quit scaring your sister. 59 00:03:31,133 --> 00:03:34,970 I still have nightmares about that frog. Thanks a lot, Bart. 60 00:03:35,053 --> 00:03:37,514 Hey, my life was great before you came along. 61 00:03:37,597 --> 00:03:40,225 - I didn't ask to be born. - Yes, you did. 62 00:03:40,308 --> 00:03:42,602 - No, I didn't. - Did, did, did. 63 00:03:42,686 --> 00:03:45,605 Kids, kids, you're both unwanted. 64 00:03:45,689 --> 00:03:47,607 Now, let's get back to the story. 65 00:03:47,691 --> 00:03:49,651 What creates a misbehaver? 66 00:03:49,734 --> 00:03:54,906 In some cases, it could be a father who is occasionally inconsiderate. 67 00:03:56,074 --> 00:03:57,742 Saying Homer was occasionally inconsiderate 68 00:03:57,826 --> 00:04:00,287 is like saying Shamu is sometimes a whale. 69 00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:02,581 Did you know there were nine different Shamus? 70 00:04:02,664 --> 00:04:06,793 I'd rank 'em this way six, five, two, three... 71 00:04:06,877 --> 00:04:09,254 We're not ranking Shamus again. 72 00:04:09,337 --> 00:04:13,758 I'll just conclude by saying, a whale in captivity just lasts a week. 73 00:04:13,842 --> 00:04:16,636 It's a good week. Except for the last two hours. 74 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:21,558 As I was saying, sometimes your father even forgot you were there. 75 00:04:27,355 --> 00:04:30,442 Mmm. Carrot. 76 00:04:30,525 --> 00:04:33,987 Homer, there's someone else here who might have wanted that cookie. 77 00:04:34,070 --> 00:04:35,489 Aw. Sorry, boy. 78 00:04:36,239 --> 00:04:38,074 Ew. Carrot. 79 00:04:40,243 --> 00:04:42,287 You know, the more I think about it, Homie, 80 00:04:42,370 --> 00:04:45,874 I think you may be a disconnected parent. 81 00:04:45,957 --> 00:04:47,417 Me disconnected? 82 00:04:51,588 --> 00:04:56,092 Listen, buster, if you don't bond with him soon, we're gonna have problems. 83 00:04:56,176 --> 00:04:59,763 Whenever you call me buster, it means something is really bad. 84 00:04:59,846 --> 00:05:01,848 That's right, mister. 85 00:05:01,932 --> 00:05:03,475 Mister is worse than buster. 86 00:05:04,184 --> 00:05:06,061 Since we're having trouble communicating, 87 00:05:06,144 --> 00:05:08,980 we'll use this whiteboard to tell each other how we feel. 88 00:05:09,064 --> 00:05:12,317 But even when Homer tried to help, it didn't help. 89 00:05:12,318 --> 00:05:13,318 _ 90 00:05:16,279 --> 00:05:18,406 Your turn, boy. Write how you feel. 91 00:05:18,490 --> 00:05:19,866 - I... - No, no, no, no. 92 00:05:19,950 --> 00:05:23,453 You're not supposed to use that hand. Try again, Son. 93 00:05:26,498 --> 00:05:27,499 Still wrong. 94 00:05:28,041 --> 00:05:29,042 Hey! 95 00:05:29,751 --> 00:05:31,836 This is the hand I wanna use. 96 00:05:32,546 --> 00:05:37,509 This is the hand the world wants you to use. Listen to the world. 97 00:05:37,592 --> 00:05:38,635 Never! 98 00:05:43,667 --> 00:05:46,977 Repeat after me: "Right is right." 99 00:05:47,060 --> 00:05:48,270 Right is wrong! 100 00:05:50,521 --> 00:05:52,941 It's so hard being a good father. 101 00:05:53,024 --> 00:05:56,444 How did people raise kids before duct tape? 102 00:05:56,528 --> 00:05:58,530 It got to where all Bart could think about 103 00:05:58,613 --> 00:06:00,615 was how mad he was at Homer. 104 00:06:05,245 --> 00:06:09,499 Great news! The doctor says I'm not stupid like everyone thinks. 105 00:06:09,583 --> 00:06:11,501 I just needed glasses. 106 00:06:17,090 --> 00:06:20,594 Bet you didn't see that coming. Ha-ha! 107 00:06:21,553 --> 00:06:26,683 Ha-ha? I've never said that before. It's beautiful. 108 00:06:27,684 --> 00:06:28,768 Ha-ha! 109 00:06:29,561 --> 00:06:30,770 Ha-ha! 110 00:06:31,438 --> 00:06:32,647 Ha-ha! 111 00:06:32,731 --> 00:06:35,400 Those "ha-ha" s, they speak to me. 112 00:06:35,483 --> 00:06:41,823 I no longer want to be a doctor. I want to be a bully. 113 00:06:41,906 --> 00:06:45,160 Bart, don't you wish someone would stand up to bullies? 114 00:06:48,079 --> 00:06:50,874 Ha-ha! Hey, that feels great. 115 00:06:54,961 --> 00:06:56,713 Whatcha plottin', boy? Revenge? 116 00:06:56,796 --> 00:06:59,132 Some bullies have to be taught a lesson. 117 00:07:00,216 --> 00:07:03,428 Oh, I understand. Back in double-ya double-ya two-ble-ya, 118 00:07:03,511 --> 00:07:05,805 I fought the biggest bullies in the world. 119 00:07:05,889 --> 00:07:06,931 Got any grenades? 120 00:07:07,015 --> 00:07:09,934 Nope. Used the last one yesterday to warm my soup. 121 00:07:10,018 --> 00:07:12,103 Oh, the nonsense I spout. 122 00:07:33,291 --> 00:07:36,294 - Ay, caramba! - Why, why, why? D'oh! 123 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:38,838 My first prank. 124 00:07:38,922 --> 00:07:40,840 Bart hurt Dad! 125 00:07:40,924 --> 00:07:45,845 My first tattle. When I first knew my two shoes were goody. 126 00:07:45,929 --> 00:07:47,514 Lisa sucks! 127 00:07:47,597 --> 00:07:49,974 One of many Lisa suckses. 128 00:07:50,058 --> 00:07:51,267 Bart, be nice. 129 00:07:51,768 --> 00:07:55,271 Heavenly Father, Lisa sucks. Lisa sucks. Amen. 130 00:07:55,355 --> 00:08:00,068 Meanwhile, back in the past, Bart was acting as bad as he does today. 131 00:08:00,151 --> 00:08:02,487 But back then we didn't know why. 132 00:08:03,530 --> 00:08:07,534 Homer, I'm afraid Bart may be... bad seed. 133 00:08:07,617 --> 00:08:09,828 Bad seed? What does that mean? 134 00:08:09,911 --> 00:08:13,540 - He's a ne'er-do-well. - A ne'er-do-what? 135 00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:15,500 He's no darn good! 136 00:08:21,673 --> 00:08:26,094 We tried everything the Reverend recommended to fix Bart's bad behavior. 137 00:08:26,177 --> 00:08:31,808 Prayer, ignoring it, donating $20. Nothing worked. 138 00:08:31,891 --> 00:08:35,061 My recommendation is a larger donation. 139 00:08:35,812 --> 00:08:37,772 Thanks for nothing. 140 00:08:59,755 --> 00:09:01,129 _ 141 00:09:17,312 --> 00:09:20,774 I need backup. Get me back up. Literally. 142 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:23,735 Oh, you think that's funny, huh? 143 00:09:23,818 --> 00:09:27,739 A fat man running in and slipping on a toy. That's hilarious. 144 00:09:29,616 --> 00:09:31,367 Yeah, well, I sort of get it. 145 00:09:31,451 --> 00:09:34,454 We decided you needed professional help. 146 00:09:36,831 --> 00:09:38,750 I'll do everything I can. 147 00:09:38,833 --> 00:09:39,834 Doctor? 148 00:09:40,815 --> 00:09:41,960 _ 149 00:09:41,961 --> 00:09:45,381 Oh, I see. I'm afraid Bart will have to see a specialist. 150 00:09:45,465 --> 00:09:47,801 I have more pressing duties. 151 00:09:48,927 --> 00:09:52,096 - Pfizer visor? - Don't mind if I do. 152 00:09:54,346 --> 00:09:56,350 _ 153 00:09:56,351 --> 00:10:00,271 It's normal for boys Bart's age to test the limits with their fathers. 154 00:10:00,355 --> 00:10:03,191 Let's take a look at Bart's file. Let's see. 155 00:10:03,817 --> 00:10:05,860 Loading, loading. 156 00:10:06,986 --> 00:10:08,279 Loading. 157 00:10:14,786 --> 00:10:17,789 Oh, my God. He's attacking his grandfather. 158 00:10:17,872 --> 00:10:19,290 That's his father. 159 00:10:19,374 --> 00:10:21,709 He's aged that poor man that much? 160 00:10:25,767 --> 00:10:27,060 _ 161 00:10:28,216 --> 00:10:29,217 What the? 162 00:10:29,300 --> 00:10:30,802 Homer is 38. 163 00:10:31,302 --> 00:10:32,345 Dear God. 164 00:10:33,179 --> 00:10:35,557 Bart, you're a very special boy. 165 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:40,270 And sometimes special boys need to go to special places. 166 00:10:43,596 --> 00:10:46,276 Don't worry, that's not one of our kids. 167 00:10:46,359 --> 00:10:49,070 It's one of the scary movies we let them watch. 168 00:10:49,153 --> 00:10:51,781 This is not where my son belongs. 169 00:10:53,408 --> 00:10:55,493 Sorry, not up to you. 170 00:10:55,577 --> 00:11:00,498 It's up to the ultimate authority in compassionate parenting: state law. 171 00:11:00,582 --> 00:11:02,625 The law? He's just a boy. 172 00:11:02,709 --> 00:11:04,043 To be incarcerated, 173 00:11:04,127 --> 00:11:07,505 the child has to know the difference between right and wrong. 174 00:11:07,589 --> 00:11:11,175 Oh, I know. Right is wrong. Right is wrong. 175 00:11:11,259 --> 00:11:17,682 Okay. I'm just going to say it. The boy is a P-S-Y-C-H-O. 176 00:11:17,765 --> 00:11:18,850 Psycho! 177 00:11:18,933 --> 00:11:21,227 And there's your second opinion. 178 00:11:21,311 --> 00:11:26,024 With an emergency court order, we can get him immediately into this facility. 179 00:11:26,107 --> 00:11:28,151 The social workers will come Monday 180 00:11:28,234 --> 00:11:32,322 in a windowless van disguised as a colorful ice-cream truck. 181 00:11:32,405 --> 00:11:33,656 No! 182 00:11:33,740 --> 00:11:35,199 It's for Bart's own good. 183 00:11:35,283 --> 00:11:38,161 We have to get him out of this horrible situation he's in. 184 00:11:38,244 --> 00:11:39,829 You mean our home? 185 00:11:39,913 --> 00:11:44,918 Not your home. The terrible people in it. The house looks absolutely lovely. 186 00:11:45,001 --> 00:11:46,711 Thank you. I try. 187 00:11:46,794 --> 00:11:50,089 But before you leave this office, Bart, you get a treat. 188 00:11:50,173 --> 00:11:53,635 Ooh, candy. Mmm. 189 00:11:54,677 --> 00:11:58,514 Those aren't candies, those are meds, and you just took a year's worth. 190 00:12:02,268 --> 00:12:04,437 Okay, okay. When they show up, 191 00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:07,690 we just have to convince them we're nice and normal. 192 00:12:07,774 --> 00:12:09,400 Nice and normal. 193 00:12:09,484 --> 00:12:11,402 Oh, we're doomed. 194 00:12:11,728 --> 00:12:13,443 _ 195 00:12:16,689 --> 00:12:17,867 Oh, no. 196 00:12:19,104 --> 00:12:20,153 Oh... 197 00:12:22,167 --> 00:12:23,802 _ 198 00:12:27,126 --> 00:12:29,379 Welcome to Baby Juvie, kid. 199 00:12:29,462 --> 00:12:32,006 This is so unfair. He's just a boy. 200 00:12:32,090 --> 00:12:34,634 There's no minimum age for detention in America. 201 00:12:34,717 --> 00:12:37,804 In Florida, for example, it's as young as seven. 202 00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:39,639 How do I know all this in my dream? 203 00:12:39,722 --> 00:12:42,558 Oh, you're "sloogling". Sleeping while googling. 204 00:12:45,061 --> 00:12:47,105 Take him away, toys. 205 00:12:52,235 --> 00:12:53,945 We really miss you, boy. 206 00:12:56,698 --> 00:13:00,618 The cow says... Moo! 207 00:13:01,828 --> 00:13:05,748 That's a phone call you never wanna get. 208 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:12,255 You know what these signify? That's right. It's all the times I cried. 209 00:13:12,338 --> 00:13:14,674 Told you not to read Charlotte's Web. 210 00:13:14,757 --> 00:13:18,011 How should I know spiders have such a short lifespan? 211 00:13:18,094 --> 00:13:19,679 I'll shorten your lifespan. 212 00:13:21,014 --> 00:13:23,391 You keep Charlotte's name out of your mouth. 213 00:13:24,183 --> 00:13:25,351 Throw 'em in the pit. 214 00:13:45,037 --> 00:13:47,331 Son, I'm breaking you out of here. 215 00:13:57,091 --> 00:13:58,843 Thank God this is just a dream. 216 00:13:59,943 --> 00:14:05,516 I... should... have... checked... consumer reports! 217 00:14:30,586 --> 00:14:32,168 I gotta save him. 218 00:14:34,504 --> 00:14:38,758 Boy, I won't let them condemn you to a life of mental health. 219 00:14:39,967 --> 00:14:41,761 I don't know whether you're a bad kid or not, 220 00:14:41,844 --> 00:14:44,514 but we're gonna drive until we figure out what's wrong with you. 221 00:14:44,597 --> 00:14:47,391 - Well, if you want to know... - We can talk in the car. 222 00:14:47,475 --> 00:14:50,812 Also, no talking in the car. I'll be playing sports talk radio. 223 00:14:51,562 --> 00:14:53,898 Come on, Steve, if major league players 224 00:14:53,981 --> 00:14:55,650 just knew how to bunt with a man on third, 225 00:14:55,733 --> 00:14:57,652 we wouldn't even be having this conversation. 226 00:14:57,735 --> 00:15:00,822 We'd be eating a hot dog with your sister. 227 00:15:05,326 --> 00:15:10,873 I was taking a journey to save my son, but do you know who I was actually saving? 228 00:15:10,957 --> 00:15:14,794 - Yourself. - Would you like to tell the story, Lisa? 229 00:15:14,877 --> 00:15:16,420 - Not really. - I wish you would. 230 00:15:16,504 --> 00:15:17,672 You're much better than me. 231 00:15:17,755 --> 00:15:21,717 Thank you. I will. If you don't mind, I'll podcast it too. 232 00:15:21,801 --> 00:15:24,929 This is Lisa Simpson with Small Town Dorks. 233 00:15:25,012 --> 00:15:29,433 Father and son needed to flee, but first they needed essential supplies. 234 00:15:33,354 --> 00:15:34,689 Oh, my God. They found us. 235 00:15:34,772 --> 00:15:37,692 Relax, pally. They're here for the donuts, not for you. 236 00:15:37,775 --> 00:15:40,403 Word on the street is it's free donut day. 237 00:15:40,486 --> 00:15:42,446 I'm afraid you've been misinformed. 238 00:15:42,530 --> 00:15:45,449 - Well, is it free coffee with purchase... - I'm afraid not. 239 00:15:45,533 --> 00:15:48,202 Well, you're coming downtown to where I live, 240 00:15:48,286 --> 00:15:51,163 to teach my wife how to make donuts. Let's go. 241 00:15:56,878 --> 00:15:59,171 Look at him. After causing all this trouble. 242 00:15:59,255 --> 00:16:02,091 He's a pain in the neck. He's uncontrollable. He's... 243 00:16:04,309 --> 00:16:06,012 He's me. 244 00:16:07,847 --> 00:16:11,517 Son, for you, the last donut. Bup. 245 00:16:13,352 --> 00:16:14,645 Thanks, man. 246 00:16:16,564 --> 00:16:20,026 Aw. Being a father is finally worth it. 247 00:16:21,068 --> 00:16:23,863 How did I do this? Lou, I'm scared. 248 00:16:27,450 --> 00:16:30,202 - We better amscray. - Amscray? What's that mean? 249 00:16:30,286 --> 00:16:33,456 I don't know, and I probably never will. Now we gotta scram. 250 00:16:38,669 --> 00:16:39,879 What's this dump? 251 00:16:39,962 --> 00:16:43,466 Oh, I'd come here when things got hairy with my father. 252 00:16:45,134 --> 00:16:48,054 ♪ With you I could learn to ♪ 253 00:16:48,137 --> 00:16:49,138 ♪ With you... ♪ 254 00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:53,559 Myrna, Myrna, why did you leave me? 255 00:16:53,643 --> 00:16:55,895 Dad, It's been ten years, and her name is Mona. 256 00:16:55,978 --> 00:16:57,605 Don't you tell me how to grieve. 257 00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:03,694 Who do you think you're comforting? Skedaddle! 258 00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:06,697 Nobody loves me. 259 00:17:10,534 --> 00:17:15,998 You know, maybe my father's insensitivity to me led to my insensitivity to you. 260 00:17:16,082 --> 00:17:18,751 - Dad? - There's a pattern here. 261 00:17:18,834 --> 00:17:19,835 Dad! 262 00:17:19,919 --> 00:17:23,881 Maybe, just maybe, if I could break the cycle... 263 00:17:23,965 --> 00:17:26,425 Dad, look. A full can of beer. 264 00:17:26,509 --> 00:17:27,760 Whoo! 265 00:17:27,843 --> 00:17:30,429 What was I saying? Uh, it must not have been important. 266 00:17:30,513 --> 00:17:35,851 Tonight we sleep here. Tomorrow, we make for Canada, the Mexico of Alaska. 267 00:17:37,603 --> 00:17:40,314 I'm gonna say the rudest thing a Canadian has ever said. 268 00:17:40,398 --> 00:17:42,233 Sorry, but no. 269 00:17:42,316 --> 00:17:44,443 Here's some maple syrup for your trip back, eh? 270 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,195 Thanks for nothing. 271 00:17:46,696 --> 00:17:50,157 Fine, we'll hide here. It'll be magic. Pick a poop window. 272 00:17:50,241 --> 00:17:52,493 You and me against the world, Son. 273 00:17:53,661 --> 00:17:54,996 Now, let's get some sleep. 274 00:17:58,082 --> 00:17:59,458 I love you, Dad. 275 00:17:59,542 --> 00:18:01,252 I love you too. 276 00:18:09,762 --> 00:18:12,262 _ 277 00:18:12,263 --> 00:18:14,598 This childhood is over. 278 00:18:14,682 --> 00:18:19,520 And in case we have to deal with that quote unquote "father", I brought this. 279 00:18:23,691 --> 00:18:25,109 Boy, they're coming for you. 280 00:18:25,192 --> 00:18:27,278 We have the tree surrounded. 281 00:18:27,361 --> 00:18:30,031 Just toss your boy out of the window, headfirst, 282 00:18:30,114 --> 00:18:32,116 - and no one gets hurt. - Never! 283 00:18:32,199 --> 00:18:36,662 We've got the one thing no kid can resist. Glow sticks. 284 00:18:36,746 --> 00:18:37,788 Gimme, gimme, gimme. 285 00:18:37,872 --> 00:18:39,290 Come on, boy. Gotta be strong. 286 00:18:39,373 --> 00:18:40,666 - Do as I say. - Colors, colors, colors, 287 00:18:40,750 --> 00:18:42,585 - colors, colors, colors. - Neon pink. No, it's a trap. 288 00:18:42,668 --> 00:18:44,754 Listen to me, Son. The glow sticks are beautiful now, 289 00:18:44,837 --> 00:18:47,381 but you'll feel cheap when you see them in the morning. 290 00:18:47,465 --> 00:18:49,717 Also, the insides taste like crap. 291 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,010 No! 292 00:18:53,929 --> 00:18:57,808 Just take a bite of this ice cream, young man. And we can be on our way. 293 00:18:57,892 --> 00:18:59,518 No, it's drugged! 294 00:19:04,398 --> 00:19:07,026 My thoughts, they're getting organized. 295 00:19:07,109 --> 00:19:09,528 I'm remembering my PIN codes and my passwords, 296 00:19:10,321 --> 00:19:12,198 where I parked at Itchy & Scratchy Land. 297 00:19:12,281 --> 00:19:16,994 Oh, my God. I remember Marge's birthday. 298 00:19:20,831 --> 00:19:23,667 - Oh, yeah, that's pretty neat. - Not bad. That's pretty cool. 299 00:19:24,668 --> 00:19:27,838 But the biggest thing I remember is, my son is not a bad boy. 300 00:19:27,922 --> 00:19:29,340 You've mistaken my indifference, 301 00:19:29,423 --> 00:19:31,384 my ham-handed attempts to help him grow up, 302 00:19:31,467 --> 00:19:34,637 and my borderline alcoholism for me not giving a damn. 303 00:19:36,764 --> 00:19:38,516 Let them go! 304 00:19:39,058 --> 00:19:42,436 Sorry, Marge, I have a court order that says otherwise. 305 00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:44,344 _ 306 00:19:44,522 --> 00:19:47,441 Doctor, I've never thought more clearly in my life. 307 00:19:47,525 --> 00:19:49,777 This is my son, and I love him. 308 00:19:49,860 --> 00:19:51,987 Losing him would be like losing my arm, 309 00:19:52,071 --> 00:19:55,366 the important one, the one I bowl with. Please. 310 00:19:55,449 --> 00:19:58,327 They teach us at Johns Hopkins not to have feelings. 311 00:19:58,411 --> 00:20:00,704 But damn it, this is getting to me. 312 00:20:00,788 --> 00:20:01,956 Why? 313 00:20:03,207 --> 00:20:05,376 Son, what do you want? 314 00:20:06,043 --> 00:20:07,461 Use this whiteboard. 315 00:20:16,220 --> 00:20:17,220 _ 316 00:20:17,221 --> 00:20:18,889 D'oh! Whoo-hoo! 317 00:20:20,975 --> 00:20:22,017 We're done here. 318 00:20:24,979 --> 00:20:25,980 Thank God. 319 00:20:26,063 --> 00:20:27,940 Give your dad a kiss, Son. 320 00:20:28,816 --> 00:20:30,818 Ow! It's like sandpaper. 321 00:20:30,901 --> 00:20:33,028 Come on, dig in there good. 322 00:20:33,112 --> 00:20:34,613 Mwah! 323 00:20:45,791 --> 00:20:50,671 And that was the first of many times we fended off family services. 324 00:20:51,839 --> 00:20:53,215 Not again. 325 00:20:53,299 --> 00:20:54,633 You know what to do, people. 326 00:21:00,473 --> 00:21:03,642 I just can't give away these oatmeal cookies. 327 00:21:03,726 --> 00:21:05,019 Yoink! 328 00:21:05,769 --> 00:21:07,646 Just take the ding dang plate! 329 00:21:26,749 --> 00:21:27,750 Shh! 330 00:21:30,784 --> 00:21:33,716 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com