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-Good evening, everybody,
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and welcome to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
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On tonight's show,
"Dancing with the Stars,"
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Wayne Brady;
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dancing in the dark, Jeff Davis;
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dancing baby, Colin Mochrie;
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and dancing queen,
it's Ryan Stiles.
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And I'm Aisha Tyler.
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Let's have some fun!
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Hi, everybody. Welcome.
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Welcome to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
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The show where
everything is made up.
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The points, they don't matter.
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We've got a great show
for you tonight,
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so let's get started with a game
we call "Weird Newscasters."
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This is for all four
of our performers.
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Gentlemen, come on down.
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In this game, Colin is
the anchor of a news program.
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Jeff, Ryan, and Wayne
are his co-anchors,
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and each of whom
has a rather odd personality.
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Jeff is the co-anchor
who's also an amorous, loving,
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affectionate potter working
at his wheel on new pot Colin.
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Wayne is gonna be
the sportscaster
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who's also an army cadet
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who thinks the studio
is an assault course
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that he is training on.
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And Ryan is
the weather forecaster
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who's also having
furious arguments
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with members of his family
in the studio.
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Whenever you are ready,
gentlemen.
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Have at thee.
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Welcome to the 6:00 news.
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I'm your anchor,
Earl With-The-Dragon-Tattoo.
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Our top story...
a couple was arrested
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in the India's tallest building
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for doing as many positions
in the Kama Sutra
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as possible in the elevator.
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Said one policeman,
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"It was wrong
on so many levels."
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Let's see what's happening
in the rest of the world
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with Derry.
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-Ooh.
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Oh, yes.
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Oh, oh, yes.
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Yes.
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Shh.
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Little water.
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She's no Demi.
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It'll have to do.
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- Could've bought me dinner
first.
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Let's see what's happening
in the world of sports.
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- Yes, sir!
Cadet Johnson reporting, sir!
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I'm here to tell you all
about what's happening
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in college football. The latest,
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it appears that
there's gonna be 15 teams
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vying for the latest...
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...latest titles.
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Someone's gonna have to win
the season.
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Someone's gonna have to do it.
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It's gonna have to happen.
It's got to happen.
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It's gonna happen,
but we don't know when.
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Impossible.
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We don't understand exactly.
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-I made a pot.
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- Let's see what's happening
in weather with Lumpy Guru.
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-Thank you, Colin.
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Check the weather
for the weekend.
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Got rain coming in on the
weekend, which is just fine
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because I have nothing planned
with the family,
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'cause everyone's arguing.
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They're all here in the studio
this evening with me.
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Mom, where are you?
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There she is, back there.
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Mom, come down here
I need to make up with you.
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Mom, Mom, come here.
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You raised your hand. Come here.
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Dad? Dad where are you?!
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Dad, come here, Dad.
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Come here, Dad.
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This is my...
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This is my mother, Irene.
- Hello. Yes.
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-This is my father, Albert.
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And also my...
my three brothers are here.
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Jim... Jim, Jack, Phil, come
down here, if you will, please.
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And...
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And I think
what's causing the argument
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probably is the fact
that we have three brothers.
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But that man!
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Thinks he's part of the family.
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Come here, Jerry.
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Even though we argue,
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this family shares something
a lot of families can't.
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We have a family song
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that we sing every Christmas.
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Don't laugh!
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Richie's always been
the joker of the family.
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Let's sing the family song.
Just the first verse is fine.
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Remember our last name
is Stiles.
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I'll see you guys
after the show.
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Mom, Mom, give me a hug, Mom.
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-Bye, son.
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Mom, give me another hug.
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- Well, that's all time
we have for news.
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Goodnight... and good news.
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Never seen anyone twice as old
as their mother and father.
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-Or twice as tall.
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Or twice as white.
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500 points to that lady for
turning out a big Caucasian guy.
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-We're all family. -Whoo!
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- We're all family.
- That's right!
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-We're all family.
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-Now, my friends,
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it's time for a game
called "Hoedown!"
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This is where all of our
performers
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with Laura Hall at the piano.
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So what I need from the audience
is a suggestion.
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I need a suggestion that I hope
I'm gonna get to use!
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And I would like a suggestions
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for a type of restaurant
that you might eat at.
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Ohh!
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Alright, I actually did hear
Mexican,
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so we're gonna go
with Mexican food, alright?
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Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear
the Mexican food hoedown.
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- Hey, don't go away!
We'll be back with more
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"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
right after these messages.
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Thank you.
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- Welcome back to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
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And now we're gonna move on
to a game called "Infomercial."
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This game is for Ryan and Colin.
Come on down.
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Grab your box of fun.
In this game,
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our boys are gonna be
trying to sell their audience
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some utterly useless items.
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And you've got them there,
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and you're gonna be
selling a kit
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to help a person
get a better night's sleep.
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When you're ready, take it away.
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-Hey, what's up? -Huh? Oh, man.
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I'm sorry Colin.
Oh, we're on the air.
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-Yeah. Hey, you look like
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you're not getting enough sleep
at night.
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- I didn't sleep a wink
last night.
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- Then have we got
something for you!
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-I did sleep. -Ha, he's lying!
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He's a big liar!
- But it is a big problem
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with a lot of people.
- Yes, the technical term
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is insomnia.
- Really? What's that mean?
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- It means I can't
sleep at night.
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-Oh.
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- Here is something that I think
you will be amazed at.
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-Oh. -This deadens...
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-Oh, my God! Are you alright?
152
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:08,080
-No, I'm fine, I'm fine. Wow.
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It immediately cuts off...
- The hell happened?
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- You were explaining this.
- It cuts off all the oxygen...
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00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:13,662
-Oh, no, geez. -Oh.
156
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- I'm not gonna even put that
on you anymore.
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-No, but that's the quick way,
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although it has been shown
to cause hemorrhoids.
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- You know, a lot of people
can't sleep because they
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haven't got the right pillow.
That's a big problem.
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- That is a big problem.
- That's why we introduced...
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the wheel pillow. -That's right.
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- A lot of people flip and flop
in bed all night.
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I'm on my left side,
and I'm on my right side.
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This way, you can
constantly move all night.
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-Or...
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...like that.
168
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-You know, Col. -What?
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- A lot of times people
don't know it's nighttime.
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Is it daytime right now, or...
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right now?
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- I don't know,
it's hard to think
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with all the cuts on my scalp!
174
00:10:10,076 --> 00:10:12,144
Yeah, I guess it's nighttime.
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00:10:12,177 --> 00:10:14,188
- A good sense of humor
will help you fall asleep.
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- That's right, and if you don't
fall asleep
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for a long time, what happens?
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- I don't know how
to assign points for that, so...
179
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- We have so many points already.
- You do.
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You guys are loaded.
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Next up is a game called
"Scenes From A Hat."
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00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,236
This is for all my performers.
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00:10:38,269 --> 00:10:41,106
Ryan and Colin there.
Wayne and Jeff, you are here.
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00:10:41,139 --> 00:10:44,644
Now, before the show
we asked our audience
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to right down some scenes
they'd like to see acted out
186
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by our gentlemen performers.
I've got the suggestions
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in this hat.
I'm gonna read them out.
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And if you are ready, gentlemen,
here's the first one.
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Strange lines to hear
in a war movie.
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-If I don't make it back,
191
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it'll be because I'm dead.
192
00:11:06,831 --> 00:11:09,701
- We will defend this hill
no matter the cost!
193
00:11:14,907 --> 00:11:17,909
- Oh, we have
ways of getting people to talk.
194
00:11:33,993 --> 00:11:36,696
- Things you should not
turn into a competition.
195
00:11:38,764 --> 00:11:40,365
-Yo!
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-Ready. -Yep.
197
00:12:04,023 --> 00:12:05,224
-Set. Go.
198
00:12:13,264 --> 00:12:15,400
- Oh.
199
00:12:22,841 --> 00:12:25,344
- Let the head licking
competition begin!
200
00:13:06,485 --> 00:13:08,687
-Things you can say on a farm
201
00:13:08,721 --> 00:13:11,756
that you cannot say
about your partner.
202
00:13:15,894 --> 00:13:17,263
-What a great hoe.
203
00:13:23,735 --> 00:13:26,772
-It's been dry for five years.
204
00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:38,918
They say that nothing's
gonna grow,
205
00:13:38,951 --> 00:13:41,886
but I keep putting my seed in
it, and I will not give up.
206
00:13:45,957 --> 00:13:48,494
- Uh-oh, looks like my cock
got out again.
207
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:53,832
It's a rooster.
208
00:13:53,865 --> 00:13:55,868
-What news anchors are saying
209
00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:58,269
when they're
shuffling their papers.
210
00:14:01,639 --> 00:14:03,217
- And we'll be right back
after this.
211
00:14:04,643 --> 00:14:08,379
Oh, I wish I could
strangle you in your sleep.
212
00:14:08,413 --> 00:14:10,816
You're horrible to look at.
You're just a vile person.
213
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,118
You really are just...
- What is wrong with you, Tad?
214
00:14:18,289 --> 00:14:19,668
-Okay, there's more "Whose Line"
215
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:20,993
coming after these messages.
216
00:14:21,025 --> 00:14:22,427
You know what to do.
217
00:14:27,765 --> 00:14:29,768
- Hey, welcome back
to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
218
00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:32,013
And we're gonna move on to
a game called "Greatest Hits."
219
00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:33,648
This is a game
for all four of performers
220
00:14:33,672 --> 00:14:35,450
with the help Laura Hall
and Linda Taylor
221
00:14:35,474 --> 00:14:37,509
on piano and guitar.
Ryan and Colin
222
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:40,346
are two television
voice-over personalities.
223
00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:42,780
They're talking about
the latest compilation album.
224
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:44,359
Wayne and Jeff are gonna
sing snippets
225
00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:46,351
of the songs on the album.
226
00:14:46,384 --> 00:14:47,995
And what I need
from the audience right now
227
00:14:48,019 --> 00:14:51,256
is an exciting American city.
228
00:14:55,793 --> 00:14:59,764
How about San Francisco.
229
00:14:59,798 --> 00:15:01,066
So, we're gonna do an album
230
00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:03,434
entitled
"Songs of San Francisco."
231
00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:04,802
Take it away, boys.
232
00:15:04,836 --> 00:15:06,105
-Hi, we'll be right back
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00:15:06,138 --> 00:15:10,308
to our game show based on the
movie "Deliverance,"
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00:15:10,341 --> 00:15:13,111
"Let's Make a Squeal"
in just a second.
235
00:15:13,144 --> 00:15:16,682
-Aloha, San Francisco.
236
00:15:16,715 --> 00:15:18,460
- Wow, I didn't know you spoke
San Franciscan.
237
00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:20,451
-I do.
238
00:15:20,485 --> 00:15:21,820
-One of the great songs on this
239
00:15:21,854 --> 00:15:24,657
is sung by an unusual
pairing you may think...
240
00:15:24,690 --> 00:15:26,091
Johnny Cash and Yoko Ono.
241
00:15:26,125 --> 00:15:29,928
-Oh!
242
00:15:29,961 --> 00:15:31,697
-Way to "yes and."
243
00:15:31,730 --> 00:15:33,966
So, please,
244
00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:38,003
just sit back
and enjoy this incredible song,
245
00:15:38,037 --> 00:15:40,072
"Tale of the Fog Bandit."
246
00:15:42,206 --> 00:15:43,652
Hello, everybody.
247
00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:46,144
I'm Johnny Cash.
248
00:15:46,177 --> 00:15:49,715
Well, there's a sad song that
happened in San Francisco about,
249
00:15:49,748 --> 00:15:50,915
I don't know, 80 years ago.
250
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,784
It goes a little
something like this.
251
00:15:55,187 --> 00:15:57,121
Well, there was a man
252
00:15:57,155 --> 00:15:59,692
from San Anton.
253
00:16:54,679 --> 00:16:55,913
Take it, Yoko.
254
00:17:27,479 --> 00:17:29,414
I deserve to be here.
255
00:17:31,983 --> 00:17:34,286
-Now I understand her last name.
256
00:17:34,318 --> 00:17:35,887
-Oh, no. -Oh, no.
257
00:17:38,190 --> 00:17:39,758
Oh...
258
00:17:44,363 --> 00:17:45,873
- I have some pair pants
if you need them.
259
00:17:45,897 --> 00:17:47,132
-No, I'm okay.
260
00:17:47,165 --> 00:17:48,776
I was doing the hula. -Really?
261
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,840
- Yes, 'cause our next
musical style is Hawaii,
262
00:17:50,868 --> 00:17:53,238
which is just west
of San Francisco.
263
00:17:53,271 --> 00:17:55,140
- Interesting.
- You can't drive there.
264
00:17:55,173 --> 00:17:58,710
Well, you can, but you're not
gonna make it very far.
265
00:17:58,743 --> 00:17:59,987
- True fact.
- You know when I think
266
00:18:00,011 --> 00:18:02,213
San Francisco,
and I think Hawaiian songs,
267
00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:03,891
I think of that one. Every time
268
00:18:03,915 --> 00:18:06,585
I go to the islands,
it makes me cry.
269
00:18:06,617 --> 00:18:07,653
That Hawaiian hit,
270
00:18:07,685 --> 00:18:10,622
"I Hate Ashbury."
271
00:18:30,709 --> 00:18:36,214
I hate Ashbury.
272
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:50,665
- Hey, I'm gonna tell you
who won our show tonight
273
00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:52,057
right after this break.
274
00:19:52,089 --> 00:19:53,892
Stay where you are.
275
00:19:58,630 --> 00:20:00,475
- Hi, everybody. Welcome back to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
276
00:20:00,499 --> 00:20:02,601
That is our show.
Tonight's winner
277
00:20:02,634 --> 00:20:03,811
is Mr. Wayne Brady. -Oh.
278
00:20:03,835 --> 00:20:05,112
- So I'd like you
to read out the credits
279
00:20:05,136 --> 00:20:07,506
as the front man
of a rock band on stage,
280
00:20:07,538 --> 00:20:09,740
and the others are
your wild band mates.
281
00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:11,876
Don't break a hip, boys.
Goodnight.
282
00:20:11,910 --> 00:20:13,420
Alright, everybody,
283
00:20:13,444 --> 00:20:14,822
thank you so much
for coming back.
284
00:20:14,846 --> 00:20:17,249
This has been our third time
touring with Mark Leveson.
285
00:20:17,281 --> 00:20:19,851
He's still alive.
Jimmy Mulville on drums.
286
00:20:19,884 --> 00:20:22,487
Ryan Stiles,
he's an amazing promoter.
287
00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:24,756
Geraldine Dowd,
she's the best chick
288
00:20:24,789 --> 00:20:26,258
I've ever had in my life.
289
00:20:26,290 --> 00:20:29,461
One, two, three, Colin Mochrie.
290
00:20:29,493 --> 00:20:30,972
...With Jeff Davis
291
00:20:30,996 --> 00:20:32,364
and.
292
00:20:32,396 --> 00:20:34,408
Simon and.
293
00:20:34,432 --> 00:20:36,734
- Hey, wait, put your pants on,
Ray Miller.
294
00:20:36,768 --> 00:20:39,637
We want to thank you so much.
295
00:20:39,671 --> 00:20:41,440
And stop. Will you stop?
296
00:20:41,472 --> 00:20:43,075
We only have one fan.
297
00:20:43,107 --> 00:20:44,542
Goodnight!
298
00:20:50,572 --> 00:20:52,572
>>>>oakislandtk<<<<<
www.opensubtitles.org