-Good evening, everybody,
and welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight's show, eats his greens, Wayne Brady.
Doesn't eat meat, Gary Anthony Williams.
Breast or thigh, Colin Mochrie.
And pull his wishbone. It's Ryan Stiles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler.
Let's make some stuff up!
Hello, everybody. Welcome to "Whose Line Is It Anyway"...
The show where every single thing's made up,
and the points don't matter.
We have a sensational show for you tonight,
and we're gonna get started right now with a game
called "Let's Make a Date."
This is for all of our performers, so come on down.
Our good friend Gary is appearing on a dating show,
and Ryan, Colin, and Wayne are the contestants
who are hoping against hope that he will choose one of them.
Each of them has a strange characteristic or identity,
and Gary's gonna ask each of them
about their suitability for a date.
In the process, try to figure out who these nutballs are.
So, whenever you're ready, Gary, go make yourself a date.
-Bachelor number one,
chocolate is made out of something called cacao,
and that makes it delicious.
What makes you so delicious?
- There's chocolate in me, too... chocolate on the outside,
chocolate in the inside! Ba-mmm.
Eat me. Ahh!
Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate!
Eat me. Eat myself. Eat me.
Whee!
-Okay, bachelor number two.
They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
How do I get to your heart?
Och aye.
-Aah! Aah! Aah!
He love chocolate. He love chocolate.
He love chocolate!
- Bachelor number three, if you had to be any number,
what number would you be, and how come?
-Any number?
Pbht!
-Okay.
Bachelor number one...
Wheeeeee!
Aaaaaahhh!
...Aah!
He love chocolate. He love chocolate.
-Thank you. Bachelor number two,
did you know that a kilt in Scotland
doesn't mean that it's dead, like I "kilt" it?
- Och aye!
Oh!
- off!
-Exactly.
Bachelor number three. -Yes?
-I have never ever, ever, ever,
ever seen a chocolate cow before.
-Ohh!
-Have you? -Ohh!
Everything's going wrong!
-Alright.
Gary, would you like to give this a try?
-I would like to give it a try.
Wayne was a kid in desperate need
of some hyperactive medicine.
- Yes, I will take that. What did he think people were?
-Playground things.
-Yes. -Wow!
-Yes.
-Colin is a dog.
- Yeah. What kind of dog might he have been?
- Naturally, he's, like, a Scottie.
-Yeah. -Yep.
-Yeah. -Young Ry-Ry.
It was simple... He was a space astronaut.
-Yes. -Who, for some reason,
jettisoned a stool out of his butt.
- That's partially right, but I'm gonna take it anyway.
- And what is so strange about that?
- Very nice. Very nice. Points for everybody.
Intergalactic points for all my men.
Alright, we're gonna move on to a game now that is entitled
"Doo-Wop."
This game is for Wayne, Gary, and Colin
with the help of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.
Come on down.
Now, what I need from our audience right now...
I need a woman's name. What's a woman's name?
Lots of beautiful...
Anna. Anna.
-Anna. -That's a sweet name.
And now I need a category of food.
What is a group of foods?
Lots of good stuff. Alright.
A lot of people here seem to be very into dairy.
We're gonna go with cheese.
So the way this game works is that you three
are gonna sing like a doo-wop group from the '50s,
but you're gonna sing about Anna,
who died tragically in a cheese-related accident.
Whenever you're ready, gentlemen, take it away.
-Okay.
-I'm just so upset.
-Tell them why.
-Oh, Anna.
You did what you pleased.
You used to make paintings totally out of cheese.
You drowned in cheese paint.
I know it's kind of daft.
-Hey, don't go anywhere.
There's more "Whose Line" right after this.
Stay tuned.
- Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
It's time to play a game that is entitled "Whose Line?"
This game is for Ryan and Colin, so come on down.
Before the show, we asked our audience
to write down random line suggestions.
We've chosen a few, and I've got them here.
And, Ryan, these are yours. - Thank you.
-And, Colin, those are yours.
You can pull them out of your pockets
and use them at your leisure during the scene,
whenever you feel ready. - Alright.
- And the scene you're gonna be acting out is that...
Oh, it's a very complex scene. Colin, you're Peter Pan.
-Oh. -And Ryan is Wendy.
-Ah! -Enjoy.
-Wendy. -What?
-All the Lost Boys are saying
you're spending too much time primping,
instead of looking after us and mothering us,
like you're supposed to. - Do you mind if I put on a robe?
- What does that say, that I didn't even notice?
- Then why don't you leave if you're not happy
with the way things are around here?
- Well, this is my place. - It's not your place anymore.
- What are you saying? - I've taken over.
-Wendy! -Yes.
What? How?
-Now it's called Wendy's.
Everyone's gonna want to come here.
- Really? - Especially late at night,
when they're hungry.
You're old news. People around the village talk about you now.
When they think of Peter Pan, they think to themselves...
"Get a load of these melons."
Sorry. My robe...
- Why are you so obsessed with your...
-My robe opened! I'm sorry.
-You cannot take over Neverland.
- Oh, can't I? - That doesn't impress me.
I'm not growing up.
-Are you growing out? -No!
The number-one rule, right here. Rules of Neverland.
That's not even legal in Alabama.
You can't take over Alabama. You can't take over Neverland.
- Tell me what's legal in Alabama, Peter.
- I've never actually been to Alabama.
- Peter, I think I'm falling in love with you.
- Oh, but
We...
I was just cock-crowing.
-Oh, were you? -I was.
I-I don't understand you.
You want to take over Neverland.
Now you say you're in love with me?
-That's right, Peter. Oh!
I suppose you saw my tattoo.
My tramp stamp, if you will.
You might as well have a look at it.
- "You've been a bad boy." -Yes.
You have been a bad boy.
-Well, I guess.
- My tattoo is just assuming. - Yes. Well, I'm guessing
if that's where you are when you're reading it,
you're being a bad boy. - That's true.
- Oh, this is the most bestest, most wonderful day ever.
I just have to shout to the world.
Your mom is so hot!
-Really?
- Great work, gentlemen. I'll have your points
sent to your dressing rooms after the show.
-Oh! -Please tip your waiter.
Alright, now we're gonna play a game entitled
"Irish Drinking Song." This game is for all four of you
with help from Laura Hall on the piano.
And what I need from our audience is a suggestion.
I need a suggestion of an interesting place
to meet your mate.
What is an interesting place to meet your lover or mate?
Lots of exciting places.
You guys are super-weird.
I got a lot of interesting suggestions,
but I'm going to go with job interview.
You met your lover at a job interview.
- That is interesting. - It is, isn't it?
Whenever you're ready.
Let's hear the "I met my lover at a job interview...
-Job interview.
- Irish...
-Nailed it!
- We're gonna move on now, my friends,
to a game that is entitled "Scenes from a Hat."
All of our performers. Come on down.
Ryan and Colin are there. Wayne and Gary are here.
Now, before our show, we asked our audience
to write down some scenes they wanted
to see acted out by our performers.
I've got those suggestions in this hat right here,
and I'm gonna read them at. Here it comes.
"If everyone in nature shows were drunk."
-I'm in quicksand.
- The male... The male mongoose
really can't tell the difference
between a... a snake and my penis.
- "Unlikely things to see on a home-improvement show."
- Well, that's the end of the show today.
This is Rob Cardry saying two big thumbs up.
Up.
See you next time.
- Okay, let's have a look at your brand-new bathroom.
-Alright.
- Okay, the crew cannot use this bathroom!
- "The world's worst cosmetics commercials."
-You too can look like this.
With this special toner and your eye product...
...just three times a day.
Youthful.
Magnificent. Gorgeous.
Ug-ley from
Ug-ley
- Ask for it by name. - Ug-ley
When we say "liquid,"
we mean "lick with"...
as in lick with your tongue.
-Aah!
- Do it!
-No.
- Why am I always picked for those ones?
-"The worst times to forget
you're still wearing a microphone."
-Whee! Whee!
Whee! Whee!
-Okay, alright, I'm done now.
Alright. Oh, the cameras were still on.
-Don't go anywhere.
There's more "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" right after this.
Stick around.
- Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
Let's keep the show going now,
with a game entitled "Greatest Hits."
This is a game for all four performers,
with the help of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor
on piano and guitar. Come on down, guys.
The way this works is that Ryan and Colin
are two television voiceover artists,
talking about the latest compilation album.
Wayne and Gary are gonna sing snippets
of the songs on that album.
And what I need is a suggestion from the audience.
What is a type of person who might come rescue you?
What type of person might come rescue you?
-Oh, how about a lifeguard?
-Oh! -Yes.
So, the name of this album is called
"Songs of the Lifeguard."
- We'll be back to our naked movie remake
"The Devil Wears Nada" in just a second.
Is there anything better than rock 'n' roll?
-Pudding. Pudding.
- Yes, in some instances. - Pudding's better than any...
I don't care. You could just leave a blank there,
and I'm gonna say "pudding,"
because there's nothing better than pudding.
Like to put it on a cracker. - Yeah.
- I put it on a cracker. "Puddin" on the Ritz.
-No, that's good!
Anyway, one of the great lifeguard rock
'n' roll hits is featured on this album.
And it is a beautiful one...
"Sunburns and Sand."
- Old time rock 'n' roll. - Yeah, it is.
That would be...
-Powder-covered Oreo. -Yeah.
You know, Colin, when I like to romance a lady...
And I say a lady. -I know.
-When I like to romance a lady,
I like to get a nice bottle of wine,
turn the lights down a little low,
and put on some good old ragtime.
And, you know, when I think ragtime songs,
and I think lifeguards, I think of that one
that was on the top of the ragtime charts
for over three weeks straight, that ragtime hit, "Kelp"!
- Now we're really taking it back old school, huh?
-Alright.
Take it, Charlie.
-Uh-huh!
-Oh.
Tell them what it is, Charlie!
One more time.
- Hey, hey, hey. I'll tell you who won our show
right after this short break.
Don't move. We have more "Whose Line" right after this.
- Welcome back to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" That's our show.
Tonight's winners are Colin Mochrie and Wayne Brady.
So, please, read out the credits
as if you are dashing "Star Trek" officers
flirting with sexy alien women Ryan and Gary.
Thanks for watching, everybody. Good night.
- Have you ever slept with a Romulan?
- No, I haven't. - Would you like to?
-I guess I would.
- Highly illogical. - Be careful of my... Oh.
- I think I found a good one here.
-Oh. -Oh!
-Oh, I'm getting Earth. -Earth!
-Stardate 525.
I think she may go out with me.
-Me-me-me-me-me-me.
- Meld. We are one. We are one together.
I am you, and you are me.