Good evening, everybody,
And welcome to "whose line is it anyway?"
On tonight's show...
He's somewhere over the rainbow...
Brad sherwood.
He's following the yellow brick road...
Wayne brady.
If he only had a brain... colin mochrie.
And he killed her... ryan stiles.
Hi, I'm your host drew carey.
Come on down, let's have some fun.
Thank you.
God bless you. Thank you very much.
Welcome to "whose line is it anyway?"
The show where everything is made up
And the points don't matter.
That's right, the points are like a fully loaded,
Top-of-the-line yugo.
We're going to start out
With a game called "hollywood director."
Brad, ryan, and wayne are going to act out a film scene.
Colin's going to be the director who keeps giving
The actors different notes on how to improve the scene.
He hasn't seen these notes before.
I'm going to give them to him right now,
And the scene you're going to act out is...
Ryan and wayne are two motorists
Who run into each other while parking.
Brad's a police officer who arrives at the scene.
And, colin, you're the director who gives them their notes
On how to make the scene better. Take it away.
Cling, cling! Squeaky, squeaky...
Ow!
Squeaky-squirt. Click.
I'm sorry. I didn't even see you there.
[ in high voice ] what the hell?
Well, you should really have some sort of fluorescent paint
On that thing or something, it's so small.
So it's my fault? I'm on my bike. You hit me.
I didn't do that to your voice, did I?
Ow! Yes.
Now you did it.
What seems to be the problem here?
Hold on.
Wait.
He pulled out right in front of me.
All I was doing, I was pulling out on my bike,
And the big palooka hits me.
Why, I couldn't even see him.
Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!
I think it was tennessee williams who said,
"y'all are crap."
You... you need a stepladder
To get to their level of crap.
Now, come on. Let's concentrate.
We're trying to put a film out
That we're going to be proud of.
Proud... p-r-o-d. Proud.
I'm sorry... shut up.
Listen...
What we need is something exciting.
This scene has no flow,
It has no excitement. We need excitement!
So, what I want is for you
To do your own stunts
In slow motion. That means...
In slow motion.
Go!
Cling, cling!
Ow!
Aah!
[ makes screeching sounds ]
Oh!
I'm sorry. I didn't even see you there.
I was pulling out. How could you not see me?
[ cocks shotgun ]
Brad: [ imitating siren ]
Aah!
Snap.
We've had a bit of an accident here.
What seems to be the trouble here?
Well, this guy pulled out right...
Cut, cut, cut, cut!
Oh, crap, crap, all right.
Look, you're missing the entire point of the scene.
I thought so, too.
What we need is something to appeal to the college kids,
So do it like frat boys... naked!
Go!
Hey, whoo!
Whoo! Whoo!
[ laughs ]
Oh, that was awesome, dude.
Whoo!
You hit me!
Party down!
Whoo!
Hey, what seems to be the trouble?
Ping, ping, ping!
Colin: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!
I'm 45 years old.
I know. Forget the ping.
No ping?
I don't need to take this crap.
I won a people's choice award.
Look...
I have one.
I know. Everybody has one.
Who doesn't have one?
What I want is raw emotion.
I want passion. Passion.
Do everything...
[ quietly ] passionately.
Go.
Squeaky, squeak.
Click!
[ makes shifting gears noises ]
[ humming ]
Cling, cling!
Oh! Oh!
[ buzzer ]
I love that little bouncing around on the stage thing
You did there.
It reminded me of the day you got the show.
Really?
The next game is called "duet."
This is for brad and wayne
With laura hall and linda taylor.
Anwhat's your name, please?
Kim. Kim, what do you do for a living?
I am a giant sea otter.
Where do you do that?
Long beach aquarium.
Come down here, kim.
Say hi to brad and wayne. Go ahead.
This is kim the giant sea otter.
[ chirping ]
Now you know that your job is ruined now
'cause whenever they see the giant sea otter,
They'll know it's kim.
Kids are going to be making fun of you and stuff, but...
Brad and wayne are going to do a song to you,
And the song I want you to do to her is a vaudeville song.
To kim the giant sea otter. Take it away.
Yes.
♪ now your dad's proud of his daughter ♪
♪ grew up to be a big sea otter ♪
♪ oh, my goodness, what could he do? ♪
♪ well, you really passed the test ♪
♪ breaking clams upon your chest ♪
♪ and now you're working at a fish zoo ♪
Mr. Johnson...
Yes, mr. Carbuncle.
Have you ever noticed what's special about kim?
Not till just now.
What's so special about kim?
She's a very good girl
'cause she always does what she otter.
Whoa!
♪ well, she's not quite flipper ♪
♪ and her costume has a zipper ♪
♪ which I'd like to unzip now ♪
♪ she's the kind of girl been around the world ♪
Oh, yes.
♪ and when the little kids pull on the costume ♪
♪ it makes her hurl ♪
♪ I don't know how she doesn't scare those little kids ♪
♪ I do not know ♪
♪ it's not as scary ♪
♪ as that big, tall shark did, whoa! ♪
Hey, mr. Johnson...
Yes, mr. Carbuncle,
I think I said your name was.
Yes, you did.
Can you tell me what is the best thing
About going on a date with a mascot like kim?
Well, I could tell you,
But we'd get our show canceled.
♪ well, whether it's marine ♪
♪ aquatic ♪
♪ she's the best girl that I've ever seen ♪
Both: ♪ she's kim ♪
Drew: Thank you, kim.
We'll be right back with more "whose line is it anyway?"
Right after this.
Cf welcome back the show that the emmysway?"
Just don't have a category for.
We're going to continue the show
With a game called "sound effects."
This is for ryan and colin.
Come on down here, ryan and colin.
Hello, hello.
Could I have your name, please? Gloria.
Nice to meet you, gloria. What's your name?
Diane.
Gloria and diane,
Why don't you come on down here?
Come on down here, gloria and diane.
Are you gloria or diane?
Diane.
Okay, diane, this is your microphone.
Stand right up here on this platform here.
There you go, gloria. Okay, what's going to happen,
These guys are going to do a scene for us,
And, gloria and diane, you're going to do
The sound effects for the scene.
Gloria, you're going to do the sound effects for colin,
And, diane, you're going to do the sound effects for ryan.
It's really fun. You're going to have a blast.
Here's the scene.
Colin is the scottish owner of jurassic park.
A scottish venture, was it?
Ryan is the scientist
Who realizes things are going terribly wrong,
So you guys are doing the sound effects,
Gloria and diane. Take it away whenever you're ready.
[ making engine revving noises ]
Gloria: Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep!
You never know
When you might have to get out of here quickly,
'cause we got trouble here in the park.
[ scottish accent ] ach, no.
[ makes engine revving noises ]
Let me turn off the radio.
[ both screaming ]
Close the curtains.
I'm sorry.
[ both making spooky noises ]
I'm a little hungry.
Yeah, I understand that.
Look, we've got trouble here at the park.
It's so hard with everything going in such a whirl,
You know?
I wish everything would just settle down for...
Oh, listen.
Complete silence.
That's what I mean.
Something's up. It's been too quiet around here lately.
Ach, no!
[ making baby cooing noises ]
Daddy... no!
No!
Daddy... no! No!
I know, I know.
They like to mess with me.
Please, it's... no.
Daddy...
Daddy has to work.
Now go see mommy. Go see mommy.
You shouldn't have your children here
With the dinosaurs.
[ makes monster noises ]
Good point.
That was my best impression. Look.
[ makes monster noises ]
Oh, that's great.
I'm going to drop the power on the gate
So we can go out into the jungle.
All right.
[ making baby noises ]
Oh, I'm sorry. Go play with your mother.
I got the wrong switch. Ready?
[ both making honking noises ]
Listen. Now the electricity is flowing through it,
And now it's not.
[ making high-pitched noises ]
There's still a little bit of electricity in there.
Help me with it.
I'm all right, I'm all right.
Listen. Sounds like really heavy foot--
[ making baby noises ]
You on the moped, look out!
Get out of there!
Get away!
There's a tyrannosaurus right behind you,
You stupid...
[ making baby cooing noises ]
Well, it's not a very big one, is it?
But they will get bigger.
Oh, thank god. The chopper is here.
[ making purring noises ]
It's never going to be able to lift us up
With those tiny propellers.
Quiet. Raptors.
Beep, beep, beep, beep.
They seem pretty peaceful, though, don't they?
You know...
Beep, beep, beep.
I thought they'd be worse than that.
Perhaps we should go out there ourselves
And have a look around.
Not unprotected we won't.
I'll just cock it.
[ makes gunshot noise ]
Point it away from me.
Quick, get in the jeep.
[ makes engine revving noise ]
Oh.
I'm glad I remembered. Come on.
Let's see if I can get them.
[ buzzer ]
That was wonderful. Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, gloria and diane. Gloria and diane.
Thank you very much.
[ makes baby cooing noises ]
Yeah.
I bet the grandkids look forward
To her bedtime stories.
That was great, you guys. 1,000 points apiece for you.
Take them home with you.
Let's move on to a game called "3-headed broadway star"
For wayne, brad, and colin.
Wayne, brad, and colin.
♪ la la la la ♪
What's your name?
Shawna.
Shawna? Come on down here, shawna.
Why don't you step right over there?
Say hi to the fellas.
Why don't you go up there and have a seat on the stool?
This is shawna.
Hey, shawna, nice to meet you.
Drew: This is shawna.
Shawna, these guys are going to sing
A hit broadway love song to you. Isn't that exciting?
And they're going to make up the love song
One word at a time
As if they were a strange 3-headed broadway star.
Wayne: As if.
Now what I need from the audience
Is I need you to complete this song title...
"whenever I see your blank."
[ shouting suggestions ]
Warts. Okay. Stop, stop, stop.
Whoa, wait, whoa.
Somebody behind me said warts.
Uh...
"whenever I see your warts."
No reflection on shawna, I'm sure.
Take it away
With the help of laura hall and linda taylor.
♪ when ♪
♪ I ♪
♪ see ♪
♪ your ♪
♪ warts ♪
♪ I ♪
♪ get ♪
♪ so ♪
♪ horny ♪
♪ yes ♪
♪ horny ♪
♪ when ♪
♪ I ♪
♪ look ♪
♪ at ♪
♪ those ♪
♪ cute ♪
♪ bumps ♪
♪ I ♪
♪ get ♪
♪ red ♪
♪ warts ♪
♪ are ♪
♪ my ♪
♪ friends ♪
♪ oh ♪
♪ buddy ♪
♪ can't ♪
♪ you ♪
♪ see ♪
♪ in ♪
♪ my ♪
♪ two ♪
♪ eyes ♪
♪ that ♪
♪ I ♪
♪ love ♪
♪ your ♪
♪ warts? ♪
♪ beautiful ♪
♪ I ♪
♪ want ♪
♪ your ♪
♪ little ♪
♪ bumps ♪
♪ called ♪
♪ warts ♪
♪ let ♪
♪ me ♪
♪ touch ♪
♪ them ♪
♪ let ♪
♪ me ♪
♪ kiss ♪
♪ them ♪
♪ let ♪
♪ me ♪
♪ bite ♪
♪ them ♪
♪ let ♪
♪ me ♪
♪ nibble ♪
♪ them ♪
♪ warts ♪
♪ are ♪
♪ warty ♪
♪ yours ♪
♪ are ♪
♪ sporty ♪
♪ mine ♪
♪ are ♪
♪ not ♪
♪ so ♪
♪ cute ♪
♪ and ♪
♪ green ♪
♪ yours ♪
♪ are ♪
♪ beautiful ♪
♪ and th-- ♪
♪ they ♪
♪ need ♪
♪ to ♪
♪ feel ♪
All: ♪ love ♪
[ buzzer ]
Fantastic. We're going to go see a commercial.
We'll be right back. Thank you, shawna.
We'll be right back.
Welcome back. Welcome back to "whose line is it anyway?"
Tonight's winner... wayne brady.
Wayne is the winner. Congratulations.
So the rest of us are going to do a game for you
Called "change"... "quick change."
What's going to happen
Is these guys are going to do a scene,
And whenever I say the word "change,"
They have to immediately change what they just said.
And, wayne, what's the scene they're going to do?
Ha ha. Colin is a woman in labor...
Ha ha ha! Brad is the doctor,
And ryan enters as the anxious father.
Drew: Okay.
I'll be right over here saying "change."
How are you feeling?
I'm feeling in a lot of pain.
Change.
I feel giddy. Very giddy.
Change.
Not bad.
I can see you're starting to dilate.
Change.
You know, you need to shave.
Really?
Yes, just right up in here on the sideburns.
It's all my hormones. They're out of control.
Yes, well, that happens during the pregnancy.
Sorry I'm late. I got caught in traffic.
Change. Sorry I'm late.
I was having dinner with a thin woman.
I can't believe you thought of yourself,
You ungrateful goof! Change.
Really?
That's so sweet,
That you were helping thin people eat.
I brought you a pork chop.
I need you to help me,
Since we're the only two here. Change.
I need you to go get me a pizza.
All right. Change.
I want pepperoni and a slice eel.
All right.
Oh, wait, I brought one from the restaurant.
Oh! Oh! My water broke! Change.
Oh! Oh! Fire!
Fire?
Fire! Fire!
Hopefully your water will break soon, put that out.
Oh!
♪s oh, there we go. That was perfect.
Honey?
Yes?
I've come to the conclusion
I think we should name it bill. Change.
I think we should name it drew. Change.
I think we should name it c-3po.
We don't have time for this now.
You got to lie down so we can birth this baby.
What do you want me to do?
Well, since you brought me the pizza, put on those scrubs. Change.
Uh, dress in that hula skirt and keep me entertained.
Change.
Shave your head in the mirror.
Oh, the head!
Oh, yeah, right. Hello, fella.
Here it comes!
Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!
Change.
♪ oklahoma ♪
That's normal.
Oh.
Snip.
Change.
[ growls ]
[ buzzer ]
Thank you very much, everybody.
We'll be right back with more "whose line" right after this.
tonight we're going To have colin and brad
Read the credits for you.
Brad and colin, I want you to read the credits
As standup comics at an open mike night
In front of a hostile crowd.
Thanks for watching, everybody.
We'll see you next time. Good night.
I got to tell you, there's nothing like a dan patterson,
Except for a mark leveson.
Jimmy mulville...
He's so crazy, he asked for a bite, he...
I'll give you a tom park.
You suck!
I-I believe it was bruce ryan that...
Hey, you suck!
I don't bother you at your job at ron west,
If you know what I'm talking about.
Get out of here!
You suck!
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