Table of Contents

Ultimate Guides from Cleis Press

Title Page

Dedication

Foreword

Introduction

CHAPTER 1 - One Act, Many Pleasures

Receiving

Giving

Increasing Intimacy

Enhancing Lovemaking

CHAPTER 2 - How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Getting Head

The Four Fears

Building Blocks for Great Sex: Masturbation and Fantasy

Fantasy

Getting Connected

Being a Great Lick-ee

The Oral Sex Double Standard

CHAPTER 3 - Anatomy for Pleasure

Female Anatomy 101

The Clitoris

Beneath the Surface

The Sexual Response Cycle

The G-spot and Ejaculation

CHAPTER 4 - Health Considerations

Is Cunnilingus a Risky Behavior?

Is Rimming Risky?

Safer Sex

Safer-Sex Gear

Flavored Vulvas

Air Embolism

Episiotomy

The Eroticism of Safer Sex

CHAPTER 5 - Tastes and Textures

Hair: Velvet or Velcro?

Shaving

What About Waxing?

Razor Burn

Smell and Taste

Beard Burn

Menstruation

CHAPTER 6 - Cunning Linguistics: Getting Started

Cunning Strategies and Suggestions

Talking with a Reluctant Would-be Lick-ee

Finding out What She Likes

Foreplay Games for Lovers

CHAPTER 7 - Oral Seduction

First Taste

Helping Hands

Female Genital Massage

Starting Licks

Tongue Techniques

What Your Mouth Can Do

Strokes and Combinations

Rhythm

How to Be a Mind Reader (Well, Almost)

Bump and Grind: Orgasmic Body Language

Orgasm

CHAPTER 8 - As You Like It

Positions

Cunnilingus Positions for Injured or Disabled People

Tongue and Jaw Cramp

Penetration and Sex Toys

G-spot Stimulation

CHAPTER 9 - Tricks or Treats: Advanced Techniques

Erotic Pressure Points

Fire and Ice

Cool and Tingling Sensations

A Little Pain

A Lot of Pain

Exercising Restraint

Rimming

Anal Penetration

Extreme Sports

CHAPTER 10 - Independent Study: Erotic Books and Videos

Recommended Reading

Erotic Videos

How-To Videos

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 12

About the Author

Copyright Page

Ultimate Guides from Cleis Press

The Ultimate Guide to Adult Videos

by Violet Blue

The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men

by Bill Brent

The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women

by Tristan Taormino

The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio

by Violet Blue

The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians

by Rachel Pepper

The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability

Miriam Kaufman, MD, Cory Silverberg and Fran Odette

The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy

by Violet Blue

The Ultimate Guide to Strap-on Sex

by Karlyn Lotney

For B.L.M.

Foreword

Pussy is a wondrous mystery. Every time I am honored by the company of one, immediately I doubt myself. Even though I have one (a very nice one at that!) and have been lucky enough to have had many, many, many pussies presented to me, in one way or another throughout my adult life, it’s still daunting. It’s still intimidating; it never ceases to be a challenge. It never ceases to be an unanswerable question and the answer to all questions combined. When I sit down at the sacred table, to devour the sumptuous feast laid out lovingly before me, I am in awe.

When it comes to cunt, there are a few very important truths. Every one is different. Every one has its own unique architecture, its own set of rules and regulations, its likes and dislikes. Nature has made it so that its true desire is hidden always, and for those who can unearth its secrets, the rewards are greater than can be imagined. Making a woman come, using your mouth and hands and, well frankly, everything you have in you, is truly an art form. I can’t say I am a great artist, but I try. I fail. I succeed at times, and those times keep me going through all the mistakes and minor setbacks and getting-to-know-you embarrassments. It’s a fantastic journey and sometimes, it’s a journey that leads to TMJ. Ow, my jaw.

My advice is simple. Pussy requires patience, persistence, passion. You can’t assume what will work on one will work on another. Eating pussy is just a metaphor. It’s a process that requires far more than just the act of consuming something. It’s more like communion. It is communication with the divine, like prayer. You are giving back to the place where we all come from, the door to all life. So pay it forward.

I can’t think of a better guide for your journey, a consummate expert, a gentle guide, the perfect maître d’, the sumptuous sommelier, and the most gorgeous dining companion, Violet Blue. Bon appétit!

Margaret Cho

Introduction

When a lover goes down on me, anything can happen. From the first silky caress of a warm tongue on my clitoris to the crashing moment of orgasm as a hot mouth envelops my vulva, I have the possibilities of the world between my legs. The choices for how I want to enjoy cunnilingus are endless. I can be anyone, anywhere at all in my imagination: a woman arrested for speeding, bent over the hood of her car—or even a man getting the filthiest blow job of his life. I can role-play with my lover as a ravished femme, a dominant mistress, or a naughty schoolgirl. I can be the one woman my partner desires the most, with their face deliciously pressed between my legs in an act of worship that I can enjoy as either sacred or profane. But whenever, however, wherever it happens, I know I’m going to have a sexual experience that is at once tender and intimate, one that results in a powerful, focused orgasm.

It wasn’t always like this. I spent more years than I care to admit silently lying back and waiting for my lover to tire of the effort, in a state of either agony or boredom. Sadly, sometimes this happened in relationships that lasted years. I would read erotic stories of women having earth-shattering orgasms from cunnilingus and think, Yeah, right. I would watch movies in which women gasped and shuddered and I’d think, What actors. Sometimes it felt somewhat good, but just for a minute. I wondered if it would ever be possible for me to have orgasms from oral sex, let alone the kind of orgasms I had when I masturbated. Could I come with someone right there, up close to my vulva? I doubted that I would ever meet someone who would know how to make me come from cunnilingus. Boy, was I way off.

Now I’m an award-winning author and well-known sex educator who teaches and volunteers for sex education programs and helplines. But that doesn’t mean I somehow learned some sex voodoo that made me know how to pick the right lovers, or that I gleaned “secret sex tricks” (like those promised in women’s magazines) and suddenly—poof! It works! This book explains that not only does cunnilingus not work like that, this book explains exactly how cunnilingus does work. For both giver and receiver. It’s not complicated (unless you like it that way), but there are a few things you should know that will change sex for the better—especially cunnilingus. They are things everyone interested in cunnilingus should know, but few people tell you about. More on that in a bit.

This book was an enormous undertaking. I read and reread everything about cunnilingus, scoured sex guidebooks and modern erotica, and shook the Internet until it rattled. In addition, I sent out multiple surveys, whose responses came from the United States, Europe, and Canada and covered the full spectrum of gender, sexual orientation, age, race, and ability. I gathered their comments, compiled my research, and married the results to a sex-positive, nonjudgmental approach to sexuality.

The people I surveyed have allowed me to quote them, and you’ll see their comments woven throughout these pages. A couple of women had interesting stories to tell, and I included those in my text, with names changed to protect the not-so-innocent. For them, and many others, this book brings a sigh of relief. Here, finally, is a refreshingly frank explanation of cunnilingus. Although there is a great deal available on the subject of sex, in the current sea of sex information, cunnilingus seems to often be shown in soft focus, such as in books that allude to “yoni kisses.” Others offer one-size-fits-all solutions in “three easy steps”—of course, these guides oversimplify women’s sexuality. And sadly, many of these guides consider cunnilingus only an act of foreplay.

Why do sex books cover cunnilingus in only the clumsiest of ways? There are many answers. Number one, I think, is that we live in a pussy-phobic culture. Ladies, keep it covered up, douse it in perfume, cloak it in sterile white capris in sporty tampon commercials—and for crying out loud, don’t talk about it. Another reason is that most sex guidebooks are written by staunchly heterosexual women. Nothing wrong with that, unless you want to know what it’s really like to lick pussy. I think the orientation of the author and the audience should never get in the way of the information. But the trouble is, the authors who’ve never done it just don’t know what it’s like, and they tiptoe around their ignorance. The male authors are no better: in their guides, they often elevate cunnilingus to divinity status, obscuring it with tantric-this and New-Age-that, perhaps to hide the author’s latent sexual shame. Don’t they realize that the rest of us look at the Flying Bird Octopus Technique #57 and think, Huh?

The final reason that guides glaze over cunnilingus is a lack of understanding about anatomy. It’s not that they don’t know what the body parts are called; it’s that they don’t tell us what to do with those parts. Sure, maybe you can identify the clitoris, perineum, and anus—and make up all the fruity names for techniques you want—but how do these body parts respond to erotic stimulation? We need to retell the story of Female Genital Anatomy 101 from a pleasure perspective: we know where babies come out, but we have no idea how clits like to be licked or how labia prefer to be nibbled.

This book fills in the blanks. Actually, it does more than that—it teases them, turns them on, bursts their seams, and pushes them over the edge. It’s more than a handful, and certainly more than a mouthful. It is not just for the givers of cunnilingus but also for women on the receiving end. It provides all the information we ever wanted about cunnilingus: what it is, how to do it, and how to talk about it, plus pleasure-based anatomy, games and treats, advanced techniques, and more.

So, sit back, relax, and enjoy this information packed, fun little read. There are many fun tricks and techniques to try, adorable illustrations from Molly Kiely, and steamy, explicit short stories by Alison Tyler to get you hot and bothered. May you enjoy putting this book into practice as much as I have.

Violet Blue

San Francisco

CHAPTER 1

One Act, Many Pleasures

If we’re having sex, he knows what he’s got to do first!

Take a woman who enjoys skilled cunnilingus and put her lover’s face between her legs, and you might as well have put a scoop of ice cream on a hot griddle. Nothing compares to the warm, wet feeling of a lover’s mouth caressing your most sensitive and private places. The softness of a pair of lips, the heat of a mouth, and the slick feeling of a tongue sliding around and over the vulva is a sensation like no other. The feel of a lover’s mouth on a woman’s genitals offers sensations that fingers, sex toys, and penises simply can’t provide.

Oral sex can produce incredibly intense, powerfully focused orgasms, and for a significant number of women, these orgasms are stronger and more satisfying than orgasms from intercourse. For women who have difficulty achieving climax during partnered intercourse, oral sex is a blessing. In The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior, 18 percent of women reported that they prefer to have an orgasm from oral sex than from intercourse. Additionally, women who find the stimulation from vibrators or fingers overwhelming can attain blissful satisfaction from the soft caress of a tongue.

Illustration 1. One Act, Many Pleasures

The idea that cunnilingus brings women orgasmic satisfaction, or that their lovers enjoy performing it on them, isn’t new. According to the book Oral Caress, by Robert Birch, Ph.D., cunnilingus is an age-old practice. From the tribal societies of Oceana, explicit illustrations of oral sex on pottery date back as early as 300 BC, and similar graphic depictions of cunnilingus dating from 200 BC appear on scrolls from China and Japan. Even the most famous love manual, the Kama Sutra, written by Indian poet and philosopher Vatsayana in 400 AD, places emphasis on “oral congress” with women—though much less so than with men. Ancient erotic art contains many references to oral sex performed on women, such as the explicit “yoni kisses” in twelfth-century Indian temple carvings.

However, with historical imagery we’re often left to speculate about the message of the image. Just whose pleasure is being catered to? The woman on the receiving end? Or is it solely for the benefit of the man, woman, creature or deity going down on her? Or for both of them? We also wonder which audience the titillation (or instruction) is for: those who enjoy giving, those who enjoy getting, people who interpret either role as dominant or submissive in some way, folks with a yen for oral sex, or just those who like to watch? When it comes to oral sex today, we still wonder about the same things.

When I gave guys head, I felt like they were “doing me,” and when they went down on me, I still felt like I was the one “being done.”

Both types of oral sex—cunnilingus and fellatio—require that one person give the oral stimulation, using their mouth on their partner’s genitals, and that the other person receive the sensations. A popular misconception about oral sex labels one partner as “active” and the other as “passive,” leading most people to conclude that cunnilingus and fellatio inherently have a power-exchange dynamic. When someone is “receiving” oral sex, we say that they are “getting head,” as if ”head” were something they were taking from their partner. People who “give head” are often seen as the passive or receptive ones in the equation; as the “givers” in a taboo act, they are viewed as not deserving of respect. In this view, receptivity equals both spreading your legs and opening your mouth. People who eroticize control issues may find that this fuels their arousal, but for others it can amplify an issue that turns them off.

Many people who enjoy oral sex enjoy it purely for the sensations—role-playing doesn’t even enter into it. The truth is, when two people engage in oral sex, both partners are active. How the dynamic of giving and receiving is interpreted is entirely up to the individuals involved.

Receiving

Some women don’t know that there are many ways to receive cunnilingus—and I’m not just talking about positions. No one tells us these things, just as no one tells us how to masturbate. Good head—gals can get head, by the way—can be received in many ways. It can be an act of utter, fingers-in-the-cake-frosting selfishness, or a moment of heart-stopping, naked, and totally exposed intimacy. It can be a giddy experiment in which both participants are embarking on a pleasure-seeking investigation, or a beautiful gift passed from one lover to another. Cunnilingus can be perceived as naughty—you might feel impulsive and wicked having someone down there—or it can be interpreted as a sacred act of worship.

A woman who receives cunnilingus is just as much a participant in the act as the person who is doing the licking. As a woman receiving cunnilingus, the degree to which you participate is entirely up to you. At the very least, you have consented to receive cunnilingus. You might lie back and leave the rest up to your partner. Or you might seek out oral sex—in addition to asking for head, you might tell your partner how to do it and direct them physically by grabbing their head or showing them what you want. Imagine a cunnilingus participation meter for receptive partners, with the least possible participation at one end and complete control at the other end. Most women’s level of participation resides in the middle. The arrow is constantly on the move, though, depending on arousal, mood, circumstance, and your partner’s own level of participation. Once you have both developed trust about oral sex, playing around with high and low levels of participation can be fun.

Sometimes when she’s down there I like to “play dead.” I make her do all the work to make me come. But it’s only okay if I take control the next time.

Giving

One woman I slept with didn’t want me to go down on her, and I was worried the whole time that she wasn’t going to come.

I was sixteen years old the first time I went down on a woman. My girlfriend’s friend told her it was a sure-fire way to orgasm. I’d never seen a pussy that up close and personal before, but as I spread her legs and opened her lips with my fingers, all I could think about was how beautiful she was. I licked her once and immediately knew I’d be begging her to let me do it from then on.

As a “giver,” you may want to perform cunnilingus for many different reasons, but the single most common motivation for going down on a woman is to give her erotic pleasure. Cunnilingus is a direct way of bringing a woman pleasure, and for many, participating in her pleasure is very arousing—in fact, for some it’s their biggest turn-on. Many people find that making their partner wet and hard and bringing her to orgasm is a powerful aphrodisiac; this is the allure of oral sex. You’re most likely drawn to go down on her to make her feel good—because her pleasure makes you feel good—but chances are good that there are also other motivating factors involved, factors that, put lightly, enhance your experience.

I love to go down on women. The smell, the taste, being up close to her pussy—sometimes it makes me horny just to think about it.

While some cunnilingus lovers get off on knowing how much pleasure they can offer their partners, others may hunger to be “used” as their partner’s own private sex toy. You can do it because it gets you off; you can do it because it gets her off. One lover might feel a spiritual tenderness when worshiping between the thighs of a goddess, while another feels delightfully “naughty” doing exactly the same thing. You could be the type that savors the feelings, smells, and flavors of an aroused vulva, or you might just enjoy holding the center of your lover’s pleasure in your mouth. If you like to kiss and lick your female partner’s genitals, you may require little more than a twinkle of an eye or the swish of a skirt to spark your desire. Or, cunnilingus might be something you are wary of, attempting it only at the request of your lover. Some people simply see themselves as participating in a session of lovemaking that involves mutual pleasure in which cunnilingus is one of the many wonderful things on the menu. However you come to the table, the unrivaled sexual intimacy of going down is a big factor that draws many people to the act.

When I go down on a girlfriend, I know we’re really close and that it’s special.

Increasing Intimacy

For me cunnilingus feels more intimate than intercourse. Besides the fact that it feels really good, I like knowing that my partner is completely focused on me and on my pleasure.

The intimacy that cunnilingus affords both partners is tremendous—I say both partners because intimacy and cunnilingus is a two-way street. Both participants have consented to do something that requires a great deal of trust, and they probably feel like they’re running the risk of facing some deep fears. When you’re the one who’s going down, you may feel emotionally exposed. You have to trust your partner to withhold judgment about your ability, performance, and (even scarier) your desire to go down on her in the first place. Though these fears can be largely addressed by talking about it together beforehand and establishing sexual communication, moving through them takes mutual trust and the cementing of that trust over time.

Many women who receive oral sex feel emotionally exposed as well, and this couples with the fact that cunnilingus requires them to be physically exposed, too. However, not every woman is going to feel vulnerable with your face between her legs; some will be empowered, and others are just going to feel that they are getting good head. Some women won’t feel exposed at all but will enjoy a pleasurable feeling of authority while deliciously pressing your mouth onto their vulva. And others will relish the fact that they can just relax, lie back, and let their fantasies run wild.

But for women who are in the process of growing out of sexual shame—the sexual shame that most women grow up with—having their partner up close and personal with their genitals is a little scary. For them, the idea of cunnilingus can bring up powerful body image issues or may ignite fears about how their genitals look, smell, or taste. Instead of thinking about whether she’ll get off from cunnilingus, such a woman might be worrying about what you think of her. Though the issues can run deep, women’s fears may follow a similar theme to yours: both of you are concerned about what the other thinks of you—to varying degrees, of course. Not everyone will feel this way. But for many people, the intimacy of cunnilingus speaks volumes, and when emotional trust is called for, you can cultivate it with communication and tenderness.

The intimacy and sexual closeness that cunnilingus provides is incredibly arousing for many people. When you’re with a new lover, going down on her can provide a rush of erotic intimacy that is a very powerful aphrodisiac. Couples in long-term relationships might discover that adding cunnilingus to their sexual routine opens up new channels of erotic play and deepens intimacy. If you and your partner play with cunnilingus like a new sex toy, it can ignite some pretty potent erotic sparks between you.

Enhancing Lovemaking

I discovered the clitoris early on, and when I was younger my lovers seemed to appreciate the fact that I knew where it was in the first place!

When it comes to cunnilingus, some people view it as an appetizer to the main course, while others would be perfectly happy if cunnilingus were the only thing on the menu. Whether you’re starting out in either camp or share a little of both views, oral play can add a wonderful new dimension to your sex life. Having a skilled and knowledgeable lover—someone who knows female anatomy and how women like to be licked—is a circumstance that many women dream of.

CHAPTER 2

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Getting Head

I love kissing guys after they go down on me. I like the way I taste and enjoy seeing the (usually surprised) look on a guy’s face as I pull him down to me for a big, extra wet one.

My friend Laurie is a very pretty, yet unassuming, woman. She wears no makeup, and she has a long pair of legs and a set of curves that set hearts racing. She’s outgoing, and at barbecues she’ll gang up with everyone’s kids to hurl water balloons at the adults. When she heard I was working on this book, she confessed to me that, until recently, she had hated receiving oral sex. “I was pretty uptight about it. I didn’t like having my boyfriends down there. I couldn’t figure out why they wanted to go down on me, except maybe they liked it, so I just kind of let them. I would just lie there and wait, and I could never figure out what was so great about it—you know, you read about all these orgasms from it in Cosmo. Then I tried going down on another girl and I liked it, and after that I’ve loved getting it.”

Laurie’s trip to the other side of her vulva may be a little more than most heterosexual women are willing to do—while, of course, many lesbian and bisexual women would be eager to sign up for the assignment. But the point of her story is not the destination but the journey. For most women, orgasm and erotic behaviors must be learned; they do not come automatically. Some women are lucky enough to “happen” into an orgasm; though even these fortunate gals must also learn to cultivate their orgasms and their individual styles of erotic behavior. So not only do we have to pay attention in class, but it seems that we didn’t get any class materials: no pencils, no books—not even teachers. Laurie arrived at a comfortable point in her sexuality by doing what she does best in her life: rolling up her sleeves and joining the kids in pitching a few balloons, adults be damned. And that is one way to understand why someone would want to go down on you—reverse the roles for just a minute.

While most lesbian and bisexual women would like nothing more than an invitation to taste another woman’s finest feature, if you’ve never considered sex with another woman, you may find the suggestion odd. And if the thought of going down on a woman makes you go “Eeeew,” don’t worry. The one thing we women do learn about our sexuality growing up is that our vaginas are dirty things, and millions of dollars go into douche and tampon commercials to prove it. Actually, the notion of female sexual organs being filthy (which is scientifically false, as you will see in chapter 3, “Anatomy for Pleasure”) has the theological backing of more than a few religions and cultural roots that run centuries deep. According to gynecologist Dr. Sharon Hillier at the Magee-Women’s Hospital in Pittsburgh, a healthy vagina is the cleanest place in the body, even cleaner than the mouth. But still, our discomfort remains, and for so many reasons.

The Four Fears

I remember that I had a low opinion of vulvas in general. I thought my own to be smelly and gross, and before I came out I remember feeling like lesbians were icky because they put their faces in pussies.

Maybe you are wondering why your partner wants to put their face between your legs, let alone kiss you there. Take a moment to think about why you feel uncomfortable—is it the way it looks? Smells? Because it’s a dirty thing to do? Is it too hairy, or not hairy enough? It doesn’t look like the ones in Playboy? Our collective discomfort with our pussies comes in four distinct flavors, and here they are:

1. I Don’t Look “Normal”

As it happens, we all have the following, more or less: hair, two plump outer labia, a set of unmatched inner labia, a clit, and a slit. There are variations on this theme, however. Mother Nature gets bored doing exactly the same thing twice, so no matter how much Playboy airbrushes us into sameness (the vulvas you seen in men’s magazines are airbrushed, waxed, and covered in makeup—some have even had plastic surgery), we all have sexy, perfect, unique, and priceless Picassos between our legs.

Sit down in front of a mirror, even just for a second, and take a look at your genitals. Vulval variations are many and delightful. Outer lips can be full, rounded and fat, delicately weighted like fleshy figs, or perhaps tight, trim, and flat enough against the vulva that the clit and inner labia seem to protrude. On some women the inner labia are hidden and nearly flush to the surrounding tissue; on others they can be very distinct, even long, or fluted, and they might rest outside the outer labia. The inner labia come in varying lengths and shapes; they might be heavier at one end than the other, one is often longer, larger, and shaped differently than the other, and they can be rounded or come to soft points. The clitoris has a myriad of guises: it can be substantial and thick as a thumb and reside outside the outer labia, or it can be a petite ridge at the top of the inner labia—or anywhere in between. It may be housed by the continuation of the inner labia, the lips right up to the tip of it with no glans in sight, or the skin surrounding it may be thin with the glans exposed. When it comes to appearance, difference is the norm—and your capacity for pleasure and response to stimulation have nothing to do with the way you look.

Illustration 2. Take a Look

Everyone has hair down there, and everyone has hair around their anus. There’s no getting around it, and if your partner has been with anyone before you, then they’ve seen it before—you can’t shock them. If hair is a concern of yours, one thing you can do is part your labia—and hair—with your hands when your partner goes down. Another option for many women is to lightly trim around the opening with a pair of small scissors, or to shave the area. Some women turn this into a task for their lover, and these lucky dogs often turn this task into foreplay—and take the responsibility very seriously. Shaving how-to’s are given in detail in chapter 5, “Tastes and Textures.”

2. I Might Smell Bad

Maybe I’ve just been lucky, but the truth is, of the several dozen women I’ve been with, none of their vaginas had any smell or taste whatsoever—certainly nothing offensive.

It’s hard not to worry about odor with all those annoying, virginal Summer’s Eve and Massengill commercials coded into our brains—and growing up with schoolyard cracks about albacore haven’t helped anyone’s self-esteem. But, gals, do we really stink? The natural, healthy vagina should have a slightly pungent, sweet odor, similar to that of plain yogurt: that’s because the same bacteria, lactobacilli, exist in both environments. These bacteria are the handmaidens of the healthy vaginal ecosystem, the good guys, the bacteria that regulate the delicate balance of the chemical and hormonal ebb and flow of our vaginas. But there’s ebbing and there’s flowing, and then sometimes there’s an odor.

I still have some issues with feeling like I’m extra hairy or smelly.

When the delicate pH of our undersea environment gets knocked askew, other, less-friendly, bacteria begin to outnumber the lactobacilli, and the resulting alkaline mixture produces odoriferous emissions. There are a good number of causes for the change in ranks, if you’ll pardon the expression, the two main ones being douching and sperm. Overwashing with regular soap, as well as not washing for a few days, will also do it. What each of these things does is change the vagina’s pH balance, and the odors are our vagina’s way of telling us to rectify the situation, send in the troops. You can do that by eating a lot of yogurt or taking acidophilus, which you can buy in health food stores. If this doesn’t help, the odor might be indicating a low-grade infection, in which case the next plan of action should be medical treatment.

If you are still nervous about “the scent of a woman,” you might want to wash up before oral sex. Taking a shower or bath beforehand is ideal, and if you’re even a little bit sensitive to infections you might want to switch to soaps with a lower pH Commercial soaps with low pH can be bought at drugstores. Look for brands such as Basis, Purpose, Cetaphil, Aveeno, and Phisoderm. Natural body soaps tend to have lower pH because they’re made with less harsh chemicals and usually less fragrance; soaps made with goat’s milk or natural vegetable oils are recommended. Low pH soaps don’t foam up as much as their high pH counterparts, so don’t overwash trying to get a handful of suds.

The genitally sensitive should avoid lubricants that contain glycerin, a kind of sugar, which when added to your vaginal ecosystem makes not a tart but a yeast infection. The same goes for other kinds of sugar, so skip the edible undies and chocolate sauce. Using oils such as baby oil or massage oil as lubricants makes your system work overtime to flush them out, and tweaks your pH in the wrong direction, too. More information about your vaginal pH can be found in chapter chapter 5, “Tastes and Textures.”

Once my girlfriend used some kind of douche. It was disgusting—I went down on her and felt like I was licking a bar of soap. I asked her never to do it again. Besides, it’s not like there’s anything wrong with her taste in the first place.

3. I Might Taste Bad

Just tasting her cunt makes me wet.

The stigma of the unclean vagina doesn’t stop at odor: there are countless adult products targeted at the flavor-phobic. Flavored lubricants come in every conceivable flavor (and in many that seem inconceivable), including peanut butter, piña colada, and champagne. These products cater to our sexual shame, but the ironic thing about them is that they taste terrible and have enough sugar in them to send your friendly lactobacilli running for the hills. They’re perfect for turning last night’s lovefest into today’s yeast infection.

In all the years I’ve been going down on women, I’ve never licked a woman’s vulva and had it taste bad. If she hasn’t taken a shower or bath for a matter of days, it certainly tastes stronger but still not bad at all. All the stuff you hear in the locker room about women smelling or tasting like fish or being gross “down there”—it’s all bullshit. Pussies taste great.

Your ordinary taste is nothing to be worried about—in fact, like your scent, it’s closer to the taste of plain yogurt than anything. If you’re nervous about how you might taste or smell, find out for yourself: masturbate, and then gently smell your fingers afterward. You can even try a taste—this is what your lover will taste. Or, if you’re not sure you want to try this, ask your partner how you taste. Many partners truly love the way a woman tastes and even find your flavor an arousing aphrodisiac.

I tried tasting my dildo after I masturbated; it wasn’t at all what I thought it would be. Very neutral.

4. I’ll Take Too Long

If I think about how long it’s been, I can’t come. It just ruins it

Living in a world of orgasmic comparisons, it can seem like all the other girls got trick birthday candles while we ended up with a tatty pack of matches. And, if your partner is male, it’s even more daunting to relax into arousal when you think of his orgasm like Old Faithful; automatic, eventual, reliable. (Of course, not all men reach orgasm quickly, or reliably—there’s another gender stereotype we can toss out.) When we women were dealt that mysterious capacity for multiple orgasms, we also got the genitals without the stopwatch—there is no typical time to orgasm for women, or men for that matter, period. We take as long to get to the summit as it takes, and the amount of time depends on any number of factors, just as no session will ever have the same duration. In addition, it may take longer than usual to orgasm when you introduce any new erotic behavior to your repertoire, especially if you are worrying about it. But the golden rule of orgasm for women is that the more you do it, the more you’ll be able to do it.

Worried that you’ll take too long? If you feel okay about it, tell your partner that this is a concern of yours, and find out how he or she feels about it—end the guessing, once and for all. Don’t feel pressured to orgasm (or fake it) in the first place; if what your lover does to you feels great, then you have both succeeded. Or you might go from a languid session of cunnilingus without orgasm and on to other activities such as mutual masturbation, going down on your partner, intercourse, or if you choose, another activity that leads to your orgasm.

But you don’t necessarily have to switch activities when you want to come—that’s only one solution. There are many things you can do to achieve orgasm from cunnilingus. Just as with any sexual act that results in orgasm, there’s usually more than one thing that can trigger the neural pathways that lead to bliss. Try incorporating additional stimulation, such as masturbating with your fingers or vaginal or anal penetration during oral sex, from either you or your partner. The sixty-nine position is one great solution. Getting yourself directly involved in the heat of the exchange may provide just the right amount of stimulation or distraction you need. I discuss using sexual fantasies and sex toys in the next section; both are fantastic for combining with cunnilingus and getting yourself “over the edge.” More suggestions are included in following chapters, such as using pressure points to increase arousal, or employing the use of sensations like those found in S/M encounters (both discussed in chapter 9, “Tricks or Treats”).

Building Blocks for Great Sex: Masturbation and Fantasy

You can combat sexual fears and worries by taking matters into your own hands—literally. Masturbation is our natural way of releasing tension and boosting self-esteem, and it teaches us sexual self-reliance. It’s a positive, life-affirming practice that can help you cope with depression, doubt, anxiety, and grief. Plus, it stimulates blood flow to the genitals, keeping them healthy.

Many people find masturbation very healing, in or out of relationships. We gals can use self-pleasuring to consciously learn to orgasm, and it is the primary means of learning other ways to get off. It’s the golden key to learning how to orgasm, period! You can teach yourself to come with penetration and with a partner, or you can train your body and mind to achieve orgasms any way you desire. Masturbation feels great, it’s good for you, it can make sex with a partner better, and it can keep you grounded. If you’d like to give it a whirl but haven’t done it in a while (or at all), try the following suggestions:

• Learn your own topography. Read about your anatomy in chapter 3, “Anatomy for Pleasure.”

• Set aside some time for yourself when you have no obligations and some privacy. Treat yourself to something sensual, such as a relaxing bath with a new bath product, a facial mask, or even a sexy new CD.

• Sit in a chair, lie on your belly or back, or even rub a pillow between your legs. Many women first discover masturbation in the bathtub with a firm stream of warm water; you can try this, too.

• Get familiar with your own touch, running your hands all over your torso, breasts, thighs, and vulva.

• Get acquainted with your genitals by touching them, and look at them in a mirror if you can (and if you’re comfortable with this).

• Using lubricant (saliva or store-bought—no oils, please), caress your vulva with your fingertips, taking time to linger in the spots that feel good. Familiarize yourself with the different skin textures and colors, and take note of your favorite spots. Circle your clitoris, massage it from the side, or even pinch it gently with your fingers. But where is it, you ask? It’s within the fold of flesh at the point where your inner labia meet, at the top. Your clitoris might seem like a small fold of skin, or can be as large as a fingertip—or larger. It can be flat, fleshy, or plump. It may be right at the top of your inner labia, and can be between them and your outer labia. Inner labia are the lips that surround your vaginal opening.

• If you want to use a vibrator, set it on its lowest speed and run it over your thighs, pubic mound, and outer labia (on the outside of the vulva). Get yourself in the mood with indirect stimulation, then move the vibe where it feels best. Trust yourself.

• Remember that your goal is to feel good, and if you don’t orgasm it’s okay—you’re giving yourself pleasure, not playing pinball. If you don’t orgasm and you want to, plan on trying again the next day, reenacting the things that made you feel hot the previous time. You will eventually take yourself over the edge.

• If you’d like to learn a different technique for masturbation or orgasm, get yourself aroused—really aroused—with your regular technique and slowly begin to introduce the new behavior. It may not catch on the first few times, but it will as you continue to incorporate it into your pleasure cycle.

• Remember to breathe! Some women tend to hold their breath as they reach orgasm, but women who use Tantric practices say that their orgasms are more intense when they use deep breathing techniques as they masturbate. As you touch yourself, inhale deeply into your belly and imagine the breath going all the way down into your pelvis, then back out.

• Tease yourself. When something feels really good—as in imminent-orgasm good—back off and touch yourself somewhere else, such as your nipples. This prolongs your pleasure and can help you learn to achieve multiple orgasms.

• Don’t be afraid to bring your techniques into your partnered encounters. It may seem a little scary at first, but most lovers will want to know what you like and will think it’s really hot if you show them. Masturbating during intercourse can make for some mind-blowing encounters.

Fantasy

One way to turn any potentially scary sexual situation into a pleasurable one is to fantasize. Suppose your concern is that you won’t be able to have an orgasm from cunnilingus. The next time you masturbate, wait until you’re really turned on and then try fantasizing about oral sex—imagine that your lover’s tongue is doing exactly what your fingers are doing at that moment. Try to see if you can identify the source of your concerns, and when you masturbate, conjure up visions of your partner reveling in the pleasure they are giving you. Use this fantasy to explore what you’d like your partner to do: let your imagination run wild. Be sure to pay attention to the pleasure your fingers bring you in different places at different times, and you’ll be able to more accurately communicate this to your lover.

I often use receiving oral sex in fantasy during masturbation.

Use fantasy freely. Sometimes, your imagination may be all it takes to get you off, and you can just let the ideas in your head go to town. Other times you might want to read erotica, listen to hot audiotapes, or watch erotic movies. Don’t worry about being politically correct, faithful, or having safe sex in your fantasies: that’s why they’re called fantasies. They aren’t real, and your using them to get off doesn’t mean that you want them to come true. Your head is your erotic safe space—don’t worry about what your fantasies mean, or whether or not you are a “pervert.” Don’t make yourself feel guilty about your fantasy of having sex with three strangers. If, however, you really want to act out one of your fantasies, then learn as much as you can about safely making it reality before you attempt anything. Your partner might be willing to try role-playing a hot scenario for you.

One of my biggest fantasies is having someone go down on me while other people are watching.

Getting Connected

Not everyone has the will or ability to masturbate regularly, and feeling disconnected from sex can make searching for desire a confusing, frustrating, and defeating process. How can you get connected to sex when you feel at odds with your body? The following exercises can put you “in the moment” with your sexual self and give your libido a more active role in your life. Try them for up to five minutes a day, every day if possible, or as often as you can. Find a still moment, such as when you wake up in the morning and are lying in bed. Use one of the following exercises, or combine them.

MINDFUL BREATH

Place your hands on your abdomen and inhale slowly. Think about the breath filling your chest, expanding your rib cage, and puffing out your stomach. Exhale, dropping the stomach, bringing the ribs together, and letting the chest fall. On the next inhale, bring the breath beyond your stomach, down into your uterus, filling your vagina and pushing out your vulva. Continue these slow, deep breaths into your genitals, imagining all of your sex organs breathing with you, your uterus and vagina expanding, your inner and outer lips puffing up and releasing. Where your attention and breath go, your energy goes, stimulating and healing your sexual parts.

PRESSURE POINTS

Read the information about sexual pressure points in chapter 10, “Independent Study,” and use them to increase sexual feelings, release tension, and remove sexual blocks.

KEGELS

In Kegel exercises you tense and release your PC muscles, the sling of muscles that run along the floor of the pelvis. Exercising them increases blood flow to the genitals and strengthens the muscles, bringing more sensation to the area and not only making it more likely for you to have an orgasm but actually making your orgasms stronger. To find these muscles, next time you pee, stop the stream of urine in mid-flow: the muscles you use to do this are the PC muscles. Practice tensing and relaxing them in sets of twelve or fifteen as often as you like. Some women find it easier to squeeze when there’s an object in the vagina, such as a finger, a carrot, or a dildo. You can get a metal barbell that is made just for these exercises; Betty Dodson uses it in her therapy sessions and orgasm workshops. See chapter 11, “Sex Resources,” for her videos, books, and Web site, and information on where to purchase the barbell.

Being a Great Lick-ee

Once while my boyfriend was going down on me, I farted! He backed away and we both started laughing. It was embarrassing, but more than that it was funny. At least he knew I was completely relaxed.

Being the recipient of any gift, gesture, or offer of affection calls for a certain etiquette, and something as intimate as oral sex is no exception. So when your sweetie wants to shower your vulva with kisses, there are a few things you can do to be the lick-ee of their dreams.

First, remember to relax. No matter how it goes, you’re both going to enjoy your time together more if you slow down your internal clock and savor each moment of your partner’s affection. You might want to soak in a hot bath or a soothing shower to release tension—and you’ll get clean at the same time, which is the next point. If you’ve had a long day, it’s probably a good idea to rinse off, and doing so will address any cleanliness concerns you might have—another thing that will help you relax. It’s also recommended that you run your fingers through your pubic hair to pull away any strays.

As much as we want them to be, our lovers aren’t mind readers. This means that at some point, you’re going to have to feel comfortable with telling, or showing, your sweetie what you want. In many sex surveys, the number one wish expressed by the earnest cunnilingus performer is for their partner to communicate what she likes—and “having her show me” is always high on the list of turn-ons.

For gals who want to love oral sex, and those who already do, don’t forget to have a healthy sense of fun when it comes to your partner’s adventures below your belt. They’re not only learning what turns you on as they go along but will continue to learn throughout the course of your experiences together. Most lovers find it incredibly arousing when you explicitly whisper erotic instructions, and some become helpless hormone-driven slaves to your every move if you actually show them. It’s also fine to masturbate while they’re licking—as long as you tell them not to stop.

The first time I masturbated for him I was so embarrassed I kept my eyes closed the whole time. The second time I put on a show!

The Oral Sex Double Standard

Sometimes when I get really good oral sex from a woman, I feel sort of “obligated” to go down on her. But I think the last thing most women want is a half-hearted partner, just as I wouldn’t want a half-hearted blow job.

What do you do when your partner loves it when you go down on them but won’t return the favor? Sadly, this is all too common, and not just in male-female relationships. The feelings you may be having are confusing, too: you might be intimidated by the situation, angry as hell about the double standard, and worrying that there is some reason for not going down on you that they’re keeping from you—perhaps you’ve done something wrong, or they find your body unattractive. You may even feel ashamed. In reality, their behavior is unfair. You’re getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop.

Sex is all about reciprocation. You make your partner feel good, they make you feel great. Try asking them point blank why they won’t go down on you—it’s important enough to confront them, especially if your self-esteem is on the line. Tell them how important their answer is to you, and that you will hear them out. If they don’t want to talk about it, or are clearly not giving you a straight answer, then you’re going to have to let the subject go—and think seriously about changing the relationship. Cowardly or evasive behavior on the part of a lover is serious stuff, but remember that chances are good you’ll never know the real reason they aren’t coming clean with you on their feelings about cunnilingus. Don’t guess or imagine reasons that make you feel bad—instead, choose an explanation that suits you, such as “They obviously know that with one taste of me, they’d be hooked for life.”

When your partner is reluctant to try cunnilingus but can talk openly about it, listen closely to their concerns and restate back to them what you’re hearing so you can communicate clearly, and with no misunderstanding. Talking openly about difficult intimate issues takes a lot of courage for both of you, but don’t avoid the subject because you’re afraid of what they might say. If the hard fact is that they don’t want to go down on you because they aren’t concerned with pleasing you sexually, then you need to know. If they are queasy about pussy, then you definitely need to know, because you have one, and it’s a very important part of you—a part of you that needs satisfaction as much as your partner’s penis or clitoris does. Should your partner confess to cleanliness worries or a lack of knowledge about pleasing you, then hand over this book right away and point out the sections on anatomy, smell and taste, and techniques. Perhaps they find adding a new sexual technique to their routine daunting; let them know that you won’t be judging them, and that you can both embark on cunnilingus as a playful experiment. There’s no reason your partner shouldn’t at least try to give you oral pleasure.

Working Late

BY ALISON TYLER

“Smooth,” Damon murmured, sliding two fingers under the waistband of my underpants and playing them over my naked pussy. He stroked the bare skin and then sank his fingers deep into my cunt, between my already wet lips. When I sighed, leaning back on my desk and gripping the edge of it with both hands, he got down on his knees on the floor, sliding my panties roughly to one side and dipping his tongue between my nether lips.

His tongue was rough, like an animal’s, and just the feel of it against my pussy brought me close to a climax. If he rubbed his tongue up and down over my clit like that just a few more times, I would collapse, my body shaking with decadent spasm after spasm. I shut my eyes and tried to keep myself still. I didn’t want to give in too soon, but he was making me crazy.

“You’re so fucking smooth—”

His words were muffled against my pussy, but I could hear what he said, and I would have understood the meaning even if I couldn’t. Some languages don’t need translating. This was obviously true for him, too. He understood the unspoken messages of my body. And just as I’d willed him to, he brought his tongue up and down, up and down, lapping over my clit and on either side of it, finding the sensitive areas that crave a gentle touch. I spread my legs as wide as they would go on the desk, my hands moving away from the edge to hold my legs in an open V-shape. I found that I had no shame. I wanted him to continue to work me, and I needed to give him the deepest access possible. It didn’t matter if I looked like a hungry slut, desperate and yearning, did it?

Damon backed up a space and admired me, then moved in close again, open mouth circling my clit, lips pursed around it as if blowing me a kiss. Instinctively, he knew just how to touch me, nipping and biting on that most tender spot, circling it with his pursed lips and suckling like a baby at its mother’s breast. He treated my pulsing jewel as if it were something precious, something breakable, using his tongue to gently uncover my clit from its dainty hood. Then he switched techniques and worked at a faster pace, his lips tightening, his very breath becoming an instrument of pleasure, blowing hot and hard against me. Within seconds, he was making me moan aloud and arch my body, letting go of my legs to grab onto him, murmuring his name, forgetting entirely where we were—at my office. During work hours.

“Shhh,” he admonished me. “You don’t want people to hear us, do you?”

I shook my head, but truly I didn’t care who heard. I wanted to let loose, to scream, to make the types of noises I had read about people making, had heard in dirty movies.

“Shhh,” he said again, as if realizing what I was thinking, and I bit my lower lip, trying to control my emotions but unable to. Damon’s clever tongue was driving me mad, and I found myself wanting too many things at once. I wanted his tongue to do just what it was doing: making those lazy circles around my clit, around and around, before his lips clamped around it again and sucked. I also wanted to lie back on the desk, kick all my papers aside, and have him position his body over mine. Shifting our bodies into a sixty-nine would let me give him pleasure while I took my own from his mouth.

After that, I wanted even more. I pictured myself bending over the desk and letting him take me from behind, watching our reflections in the framed print over my desk, the ghostly image of Damon with his dark hair loose to his shoulders, standing behind me, plowing into me. My mouth partly open, my eyes half-shut, consumed by the driving force of his cock inside me. We would look indecent, untamed and untamable. Out of control and into a rhythm. Skin on skin—his hands digging into me, my body sliding with his, meeting his stroke for stroke.

The phone rang then, and the fantasy abruptly ended. What did I think I was doing? My hand was trapped inside my panties, slippery fingers jerking up and down on my swollen clit, fondling it as if it were a talisman, rubbing it as if it might bring me good luck. The phone rang again, and I looked at the clock guiltily before using my free hand to reach for the receiver. It was 5:15. How long had I been playing with myself at my desk?

“It’s Damon,” my handsome boyfriend said. “I’m downstairs in the lobby. Can I come up? Are you ready?”

“Yes,” I murmured, thinking, Ready. So ready. “Come on up,” I told him, sliding my panties off as I spoke. “I’ve got a surprise for you…”

CHAPTER 3

Anatomy for Pleasure

The more you know about women’s pleasure physiology, the better a lover you’ll be—plus, there are a lot of “new” findings about the clitoral system and the arousal cycle that you may not know about. We’ll start with what we can see.

Female Anatomy 101

Because nature delights in deviation, women’s genitals differ greatly in appearance—their size, shape, and color are as unique to each woman as her fingerprint. Each woman’s vulva has the same basic elements, but how they look always differs to varying degrees. The range of differences is so great that there actually is no “normal” when it comes to appearance. And size, shape, and color have little (if anything at all) to do with sensation or response to stimulation—or libido, or “femmeismo,” for that matter. After all, have you ever overheard women in a gym locker room bragging about their big clits?

One woman I was with had these big inner labia. I loved the way they felt on my lips—it was all this extra area to play with!

To see a beautifully presented, wonderfully diverse collection of vulvas, leaf through a copy of the color photography book Femalia, by Joani Blank, or seek out nonmainstream erotic photo collections. Erotic videos and “gentlemen’s magazines” can sometimes be vaguely instructional, but viewers should be cautioned that a great deal goes into making the actresses’ and models’ genitals look uniform—including labiaplasty (plastic surgery on the labia), and liposuction of the outer lips. They routinely get a dusting of makeup and occasionally “pussy glue,” a tacky gel that holds the inner labia open to the unflinching eye of the camera. Porn is a lousy place to learn how to perform oral sex on a woman: most onscreen cunnilingus looks like an exaggerated version of Fido with a mouthful of peanut butter. However, adult instructional videos can be very helpful—for recommendations, see chapter 10, “Independent Study.”

If you’re a woman reading this, feel free to invite yourself along as an intrepid tourist: pick up a hand mirror and follow along with the anatomy tour. Looking directly at a standing naked woman, an imaginary artist’s model, we can see the pubic mound (or mons veneris, or mound of Venus). This is the area over the pubic bone, and this aptly named shrine to the love goddess is usually covered with hair. Women wear their pubic hair in a variety of styles: all-natural and furry, trimmed, waxed into bikini-line obedience, or even shaved off completely. The mound of Venus tapers eloquently down and between the thighs, designating the area where the inner thighs meet the torso and splitting like the cleft of a peach around the vaginal opening.

Illustration 3. External Anatomy

Coax your imaginary model into a comfy seated position with her thighs parted, on an imaginary La-Z-Boy, if you will, and you’ll see the outer lips, or labia, of the vagina. Since they reside on the outside of the body, they are generally the same color and texture as the acreage of skin found everywhere else, but they are usually covered with a continuation of the mound’s hair. The outer lips are analogous to the male scrotum, and both are formed from the same tissue in utero. Their appearance ranges from fleshy (puffy, covering the clitoris and vaginal opening) to thin (flat, revealing the clitoral hood).

Part your model’s legs even farther and you’ll see a hairless second set of lips that surround the vaginal opening. The inner labia are certainly more lip-like in color, texture, and shape than the outer set, and like every other body part, they rejoice in variation. The inner labia come in more shades than Clinique’s spring lipstick line; pale peach, mauve, shades of pink, burgundy, or dark chocolate. The color may deepen after childbirth. They can be trim and narrow, curled inward, fluted, or flared, or they may protrude past the pubic hair. Textures range from smooth to glassy, translucent to deeply crinkled. And though they come in pairs, no two are exactly alike; it is quite common for the lips on one woman to look different from each other. The inner lips are richly endowed with nerve endings, and the clitoral hood is analogous to the foreskin of the penis. Some women report enjoying stimulation of the inner lips more than clitoral stimulation.

I have one inner lip that’s much bigger than the other, and I used to be really upset and embarrassed about it. But none of my lovers seem to notice or care, and since they don’t, neither do I anymore.

These kissable inner lips meet in two corners, just like the ones we usually think about kissing. The outer edges of each inner lip meet toward the anus at the perineum (the wall separating the vaginal canal and anus), and also toward the pubic bone, where they form a protective covering over the sensitive clitoris.

Illustration 4. Internal Anatomy (Front View)

The Clitoris

It stands to reason that a good amount of any oral effort is going to be focused on the clitoris, or very near it. Why? Because it’s richly endowed with nerve endings that, when stimulated, send trumpeting messages of pleasure to the brain—according to Rebecca Chalker’s The Clitoral Truth, eight thousand nerve endings, to be precise. It contains more nerve endings than any other part of the human body, male or female, more than the fingertips, tongue, anus—and, alas, twice as many as the entire penis.

Interestingly, this intense little mistress has only one job, one function in a body full of organs that perform up to five hundred different tasks a day: to provide pleasure. No river runs through it; the clitoris traffics neither urine nor sperm. Its impracticality is ludicrous, laughable, luscious. For most women, stimulation of the clitoris is essential to orgasm. The clitoris is often referred to as the “powerhouse of orgasm,” and though it delivers pleasure pure of purpose, touching it directly is almost painful. Luckily, the clitoris is shrouded by the clitoral hood, a little nub analogous to the foreskin on a man. It both protects the clitoris and diffuses the sensations of touching it; even so, some women find that having their clitoral hood touched is too intense and prefer indirect clitoral stimulation, or stimulation by way of the vulva.

The top corner of the inner lips (which meet in the direction of our art model’s mons) comes to an “A” shape underneath a skintight jacket of flesh covering the protruding tip of the clitoris, or glans. Though this word sounds like gland, the slightly bulbous, spade-shaped head of the clitoral shaft isn’t a gland at all. Glans means “a small, round mass or body” and “tissue that can swell or harden,” and both definitions are accurate, as we shall soon see.

The shaft of the clitoris is the portion that runs from the bottom of the inner labia’s A-frame housing to the tip of the glans (the bottom edges of the A being the lower boundary of the visible portion of the clitoris). The entire covering, the clitoris’s whole house, is called the hood. This protective covering encompasses the shaft in its A shape, and hoods can range in appearance from fleshy and full to barely there. Sometimes all it takes to expose the tip is pulling back the hood; or it may not become visible until she’s aroused. The glans is nestled in the hood and comes in a medley of sizes, from the size of a pen tip to larger than a fingertip. Revisiting the locker room, sensitivity has nothing to do with size, and you won’t find women at the gym with towels draped over shoulders comparing sizes.

My girlfriend’s clit is the biggest I’ve ever seen. She’s self-conscious about it, but I love it.

Beneath the Surface

The area of the clitoris is far larger than described in conventional anatomy texts and most sex guides. The external tip, or glans, is really the tip of the iceberg—and if you know icebergs, they’re like upside-down pyramids, and underestimating one can sink your ship. The glans begins at one end of the shaft and continues under the surface to where the other end connects to the suspensory ligament at the pubic mound. The shaft, like the glans, is very sensitive and responds pleasurably to stimulation. At the shaft’s connection to the suspensory ligament, the clitoris spans out underneath the vulva alongside the vaginal opening in a wishbone shape, forming two legs, or crura, whose underground real estate extends all the way to the back forty of the perineum. It seems that our gal clitoris quietly became a real estate tycoon—albeit one drunk on pleasure.

Illustration 5. Internal Anatomy (Side View)

The area occupied by the clitoris and crura is actually a complex clitoral system. The connecting nerves, tissues, muscles, and ligaments all react and engage with one another when lust comes a-callin’. The clitoris, the area underneath the inner and outer lips, the ring around the urethra (where urine leaves the body), and the wall of the perineum all contain erectile tissues that fill with blood and swell upon arousal—sometimes noticeably, sometimes not. Several layers of muscles line the pelvic floor, connecting the clitoris to the erectile tissues. An oval-shaped muscle of erectile tissue surrounds the inner lips and clitoris, where the vagina and urethra pass through it, and connects to another oval that surrounds the anal sphincter muscle, encircling the anus. This “figure eight” helps explain why anal penetration feels good.

The Sexual Response Cycle

I think part of what made the experience unpleasurable early on was not understanding the vulva and not knowing what to do.

Should our imaginary model become sexually aroused, her senses and her genitals would shift from the everyday to the superreal. Pleasure becomes a priority, and her entire body begins to respond physically to the chemicals and hormones flooding from brain to bloodstream. Her body begins moving in an unconscious symphony to the directions of an invisible conductor; blood rushes to the pelvis, filling the erectile tissues, and nerve cells in the genitals become excited. Her breasts increase slightly in size, and stimulation of the nipples may become desirable, because it causes production of the hormone oxytocin, which is generated during sexual stimulation and causes tingling sensations in the genitals. The skin on various parts of her body become hypersensitive, and her genitals flush and deepen in color.

The erectile tissue in a woman’s genitals is analogous to the erectile tissue in the penis, and it, too, swells when aroused. However, unlike in a penis, there are no muscles that compress the blood flow to retain stiffness, and perhaps that is where we women get our capacity for multiple orgasms.

During arousal, erection pushes the glans forward, and it may poke out from under the hood. The legs stiffen, elongate, and swell, expanding both inner and outer labia. In some women, this swelling is very visible, while in others it may not be visible at all or may be felt only with a sensitive fingertip. The clitoral shaft itself is a round segment of erectile tissue, and during arousal you can roll your finger back and forth just above the glans to feel it. In most instances, you’ll be able to feel a ridge one-quarter inch to one inch long, similar to a soda straw or a tight rubber band, which rises toward the pubic bone. You might also be able to feel where it bends sharply and divides into the legs of the crura.

Inside the inner lips there are two tiny ducts connected to two tiny glands called the vulviovaginal glands, which produce a few drops of thick fluid during arousal. This contributes to, but does not compose entirely, vaginal lubrication during the sexual response cycle. Pressure from dilated clitoral blood vessels inside the vagina during arousal forces clear fluid through the walls of the vagina, which is where the majority of vaginal lubrication comes from. However, lubrication is not a reliable means by which to measure arousal. A woman can be lubricated yet unaroused and can just as easily be chomping at the bit for sex and have a dry vulva. Lubrication varies depending on mood, stress, where a woman is in her menstrual cycle, whether she’s experienced menopause, medications and antihistamines she is taking, and any number of other factors.

I couldn’t believe how dry I was after menopause, and I kept thinking I’d get wet when my husband went down on me. We had to start using lube, and it feels so good now I wish we’d tried it before I dried out.

As arousal heightens, all the muscles and ligaments begin to contract, creating a delightful tension. The suspensory ligament shortens and pulls the glans inward, toward the pubic bone, and it remains beneath the hood until orgasm. The end of the round ligament tugs on the inner lips at one end and the uterus on the other, creating more pleasure and involving the uterus in the orgasmic process.

At this point, muscle tension is building: the clitoral tissues and perineum are hypersensitive, as is the skin on the face, neck, abdomen, buttocks, hands, and feet. Blood pressure and heart rate are increased. Her entire body is awash in sexual chemicals, and this potent cocktail is making blues bluer and lights brighter, all while sending messages of “more, more!” At the peak, muscular tension explodes in a series of short, rhythmic contractions. The walls of the vagina, and all the muscles on the pelvic floor, contract strongly and rhythmically, causing intense pleasure. This is orgasm, the standing ovation of the clitoral system, and with collaboration between brain and body, a woman can have several, or even several different kinds.

It’s sexy to see her get off. Her labia get all fat and red with blood and her face flushes and it drives me crazy! It’s probably my favorite thing.

The G-spot and Ejaculation

There’s nothing better than coming in the face of your loved one.

Both women and men have an identical ring of spongy erectile tissue surrounding the urethra (where urine leaves the body). Located inside the vagina, the urethra is a tube about two inches long, running from the bladder to the urethral opening. This ring of tissue—the famed G-spot—is located on the front wall of the vagina, toward the belly button, roughly two inches inside. It is an integral part of the clitoral system.

When a woman is unaroused, the sponge is relaxed and difficult to feel. But during arousal, the sponge swells and hardens, and it can be touched by inserting a finger and stroking with a “come hither” motion. Some women find that once this sponge is firm with arousal, touch and vibration are delightful, while others dislike the sensation altogether. Often the discomfort stems from an urgent feeling of having to pee, which can be too intense for enjoyment, and some women find it puts a damper on their arousal. However, according to women who flush and glow with happiness at the mere mention of the G-spot, the sensation of bladder urgency is false and just a gateway to your mind-numbing G-spot orgasm. Different strokes for different folks, I say; follow the rules of what feels good.

During orgasm, some women ejaculate a clear fluid from the urethral sponge. Embedded in the G-spot’s spongy erectile tissue are up to thirty or more tiny prostate-like glands that produce an alkaline fluid similar to male prostatic fluid. These glands are referred to as periurethral glands, and they are credited as the source of female ejaculation. Some women and their partners find ejaculation very exciting, while others (or their lovers) may be alarmed. If you (or your female partner) ejaculates and you feel uncomfortable about it, just remember that something that felt really good was happening—so good that you woke up the urethral sponge, and it wanted to feel good, too.

Some women ejaculate a little (a few teaspoons of fluid), and some women ejaculate a lot (up to a cup or more). When you know you’re going to be giving her head and she’s prone to ejaculation, think about what you plan to do when she comes—because she’s going to come on (and in) your mouth. If it’s something you’re just not sure about, or you don’t find it erotic, let her know before you begin cunnilingus. Tell her that you’d like her to give you a tap on the head right before she’s about to come, so that you can discreetly move your hand in front of your face when she begins to gush. However, the problem with this is that you’ll have to stop any licking you were doing—so to avoid interrupting her orgasm, plan on replacing the stimulation your mouth was providing with either your fingers or a sex toy. An interruption on the verge of orgasm could be very disappointing; be sure to have your toy and technique planned ahead of time so you don’t miss a beat.

Of course, you may be really turned on by the thought of being right there when she comes in your face, and find this very special form of face-bathing incredibly hot. You’ll want to keep licking her as she comes, but be prepared to get it in your mouth and to possibly swallow some. It’s perfectly safe to swallow, but this activity is definitely for partners who are “fluid-bonded” and don’t need to practice safer sex. For more information on safer sex and fluid-bonding , see chapter 4, “Health Considerations.”

Now and then I’ve had a woman ejaculate unexpectedly while I was going down on her. It’s a pretty big surprise if your face is between her legs and suddenly there’s a squirt of fluid you’re not planning on. At the same time, though, I have to admit it was an unexpected turn-on the first time it happened. I had heard so much about female ejaculation, and that it was this big empowering female thing—but I had never had a woman “squirt” when I was with her. Then all of a sudden it happened and I was like, wow, cool. I was so pleased that I’d finally experienced it that I didn’t have time to be grossed out or anything like I might have thought I would. After that I was used to it, so it never bothered me one bit—I think it’s cool, whenever it happens.

CHAPTER 4

Health Considerations

Nature is opportunistic: if there’s an opening in any environment, it will be filled by whatever gets there first and finds the circumstances hospitable—such as bugs, germs, diseases, and infections. If you make yourself a good enough host and invite them on in, they’ll waste no time making themselves at home and taking over the joint. In the realm of sex, becoming a good host means anything from having unprotected sex to being weakened by illness or unsafe lube and toy practices to being a careless (or unknowing) carrier of unfriendly bugs.

Is Cunnilingus a Risky Behavior?

Unprotected cunnilingus carries a lower risk for the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) than unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse (with a penis or a just-shared, unprotected sex toy), or unprotected fellatio, but there is risk involved—for both the giving and the receiving partner.

Some STDs are easier to transmit than others. Let’s look at the most common STDs and their relative risks for transmission during cunnilingus.

HIV

HIV is transmitted when the blood of an infected person enters another person’s bloodstream via an open cut, sore, or blood vessel. According to the Centers for Disease Control, HIV has also been found in varying amounts in semen, vaginal fluid, breast milk, saliva, and tears. The CDC cautions against the blood of an infected person making contact with mucous membranes. If you perform unprotected cunnilingus with a menstruating partner, you may be at risk, especially if you have a cut or sore on your lips or in your mouth (perhaps from recently brushing or flossing your teeth). As we all know, while great strides have been made in managing HIV infection, there is no cure for HIV. The virus can lie dormant in the body for a very long time and can be transmitted even when there are no symptoms present. The person infected with HIV may not even know they have it. In women, symptoms of HIV infection can resemble those of other STDs, such as recurrent pelvic inflammatory disease.

Hepatitis

Hepatitis A, B, and C infect millions of people worldwide and can be asymptomatic for years before liver disease is evident. Hepatitis A is transmitted through oral-fecal contact and can be contracted when rimming an unprotected partner (for more on rimming, see the next section). Hepatitis B is very similar in transmission to HIV: it is found in blood and other body fluids, such as semen, vaginal secretions, breast milk, and tears. You contract hepatitis B when fluids from a carrier enter your body via an opening such as a cut or sore in your mouth. Cara Bruce, author of The First Year: Hepatitis C, states that “of all the hepatitis strains, you’re most at risk for hepatitis B when performing unprotected cunnilingus.” Hepatitis C is transmitted solely via direct blood contact. Bruce tells us that to contract hepatitis C during cunnilingus, the receptive partner (who has hepatitis C) must be menstruating, and the person going down on her must have a cut, sore, bite, or abrasion in their mouth. Hepatitis A is not a chronic or long-term infection; there is a vaccine to prevent hepatitis B, and it can be can be treated in some cases; however, there is no cure or vaccine for hepatitis C.

Herpes

Herpes is an extremely contagious STD that can be spread through contact with mucous membranes—from vulva to mouth and from mouth to vulva—as well as through skin-to-skin contact, such as hand-to-vulva or hand-to-anus contact. That’s why you’ll want to use gloves with your dental dams (or saran wrap), since you’ll probably want to touch your partner’s labia, clit, vagina, and/or anus while going down on her. While it’s true that the herpes virus is benign when not active, the CDC states that it’s possible to contract herpes between eruptions, when the skin is shedding. An outbreak can range from a collection of blistering, painful sores to one small sore that can be unknowingly tucked in a fold of skin. There is no cure for herpes (science has yet to cure any virus), but there are treatments in the form of prescription drugs that can help prevent the onset of a breakout and lessen the severity and duration if one occurs.

HPV

Human papillomavirus (HPV) is the virus associated with genital warts. However, you can have HPV and never have a genital wart; in fact, most people who have HPV do not know they have it, because it usually causes no symptoms. Approximately ten of the thirty identified strains of HPV can lead to the development of cervical cancer. Research has shown that 90 percent of cervical HPV infections become undetectable within two years; it is persistent infection from HPV that is considered a key risk factor for cervical cancer. HPV is spread much like herpes, through skin-to-skin and mucous membrane contact when the virus is shedding, whether or not the infected person has any symptoms. The symptoms of HPV can take several weeks or even months to appear, and in some cases they appear only on the cervix or vaginal tissues. HPV can be detected by a Pap smear. Again, gloves and dental dams are advised. There is no cure for HPV but there are treatments, including in-office procedures including cryotherapy (freezing) and patient-applied medications such as imiquimod cream.

Bacterial STDs

Gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis are bacterial STDs and can be treated with antibiotics. They are spread through unprotected sexual contact. Though transmission of chlamydia through cunnilingus is unlikely, the CDC tells us that gonorrhea can be spread via unprotected oral-vaginal contact, as can syphilis, if there is a sore (chancre) present on your mouth or her vagina.

Infections

Trichomonaisis, bacterial vaginosis (BV), and vulviovaginal candidasis (yeast infections) are infections that can develop on their own through growth of harmful bacteria in the vagina, though they also can be spread through unprotected vaginal intercourse. Trichomonaisis and BV can be spread through contact with vaginal secretions—for instance, when a woman touches her partner’s vulva and then her own—but instances of contracting a yeast infection this way are rare. These infections can be treated with antibiotics.

Is Rimming Risky?

Rimming, or analingus, is caressing or penetrating your lover’s anal opening with your tongue. Because the delicate pucker of the anus is rife with sensitive nerve endings, rimming feels incredibly pleasurable to many people, and there are just as many people who enjoy giving it as getting it. For them, the charge is an unparalleled erotic spark.

Though rimming is certainly enjoyable, it isn’t a very safe activity. Unprotected rimming can transmit hepatitis A, anal herpes, anal warts, and possibly viruses such as HIV. Always use a barrier for rimming—but if you insist on barrier-free rimming, get a hepatitis A shot. Read about erotic rimming techniques in chapter 10, “Independent Study.”

Safer Sex

Because sexually transmitted diseases can remain dormant for months or even years after exposure, it’s possible to pass on something you didn’t even know you had. This is why it’s essential to use barriers—latex or nonlatex—when coming in contact with a partner’s sexual fluids.

If either you or your partner has an STD, safer-sex practices are required to prevent transmission. If one of you has a viral STD, such as hepatitis C, HIV, HPV, or herpes, use a latex barrier during cunnilingus. It may also be helpful to talk to your physician or an STD prevention specialist (see chapter 11, “Sex Resources,” for hotlines and organizations) about the risks for transmission in your particular case.

If one of you has a bacterial infection such as chlamydia or vaginosis, you must use latex barriers until you’ve completed treatment. Risk is greatly increased for both partners if you have a cut or bite in your mouth or you’ve recently brushed or flossed your teeth, both of which can cause tiny cuts and bleeding in your mouth. Don’t despair—there are many options out there for the silver-tongued adepts who want to stay safe.

However, not everyone who comes to the cunnilingus table needs to use barriers. Once you and your partner have been tested for all STDs and are sure you are free from infection, you may decide to have sex only with each other. Or you may choose to become fluid bonded, a term that means the parties involved have had updated tests for STDs and infections and have explicitly agreed to have unprotected sex only with each other and use barriers with all other partners.

I always tell new partners about my HPV outbreak—discovered during a routine gynecological exam some years ago. Even though my gynecologist has not seen evidence of any cellular abnormalities for over a year, I figure it’s best to be up front about it.

We all make our own choices about everyday risks, and most of them are informed—we know the risks involved in smoking, walking down a dark street at night alone, having a one-night stand with a stranger. Life is full of these decisions. With safer sex, the important thing is to understand that safer sex is a spectrum of choices and not an either/or issue. We determine what safer-sex practices we are comfortable with and what our acceptable levels of risk are, and we each make our own set of safer-sex “rules.” For instance, some possible rules are “no cunnilingus without a barrier” or “no anal intercourse without a condom.” This way, we choose the risks we take. And since we’re human and love to make rules and then break them, we can also examine what might cause us to break those rules; perhaps alcohol, drugs, trust issues, love—or fear of judgment.

I’m afraid that if I get out a dental dam he’ll assume I’ve got an STD and won’t want to do it.

I hate to admit it, but I don’t use protection when a guy’s going down on me. If a guy brought it up I wouldn’t mind using a dental dam, but they never do, so I don’t bother.

Risk assessment is the process of honestly assessing your own risky sexual behaviors, such as preferring unprotected cunnilingus or engaging in unprotected intercourse, and determining how risky they are. It’s also assessing the risk level of your potential partners. For instance, if a partner has been recently tested (and they are free of STDs) they can be considered a low risk for unprotected sex. But if you enjoy unprotected oral sex on the first date, then your partners are high-risk, and having this type of sex with them puts you in the high-risk category, too.

Safer-sex concerns kept me from more oral sex experiments while I slutted around San Francisco.

Safer-Sex Gear

Safer sex is a term usually associated with having protected sex with a new partner to prevent transmission of STDs or pregnancy—and it is—but the applications for safer-sex gear go much further than that. Even if you’re in a long-term, monogamous relationship, you’ll be surprised at just how useful safer-sex gear is for adding pleasure and spontaneity (yes, spontaneity!) to your oral adventures. Also, there are some safer-sex items that you will always want to have handy: gloves serve the dual purpose of preventing the spread of certain bacteria and facilitating cleanup in a snap, while a selection of unlubricated condoms can make your insertable sex toys ready to use without a trip to the sink clean them. Unlubricated condoms are recommended because the silicone lubricant on lubed condoms may ruin the surface of some silicone toys.

For cunnilingus or analingus, you can choose among different types of protection to suit your style or needs. The thought of a mouthful of latex may seem unappealing to you, or not as intimate as you like, but I encourage you to consider the risks and make an informed decision. When you decide which methods you want to use, set aside some time alone to taste, smell, examine, and handle the items before you put them to use.

Dental Dams

If neither of you have latex sensitivities, you can use dental dams, or lollyes. Dental dams are small squares of latex that are used in dentistry to isolate a tooth. They can transmit the sensations of cunnilingus well when both sides are lubricated. Exactly where this idea came from is unknown (though I can imagine a few scenarios), but these little quivery origami squares make great oral sex barriers. Dental dams are on the thick side—thicker than a condom—so the sex industry has answered back with thinner, larger squares of latex. Glyde Lollyes are thin 10-by-6-inch sheets that come in both flavored and unflavored versions. Lixx are even thinner, but smaller (5 by 5 inches) and also come in flavored or plain versions. If you can’t find dams, you can cut open a latex or nonlatex condom or glove.

Illustration 6. Safer Sex

Are you crafty? Here’s a trick you won’t find in Martha Stewart’s Living: Make a dam garter for some hands-free fun. Take a traditional garter belt (used for holding up stockings) and first shorten the straps, then attach the dam by clipping the stocking clips onto the dam in the front and back. This can make for some hot on-the-fly oral adventures, especially when worn in place of panties under a skirt.

The best way to use dental dams and other, smaller barriers is to first mark the ”mouth” side of your barrier with a pen (one side for your mouth, the other for her vulva, in case it slips or slides), then apply a drop or two of water-based lube to the lick-ee’s vulva. Press the barrier in place, and you’re all set. That little dental dam can be slippery when wet, so be sure to hold it in place with your hands. Remember to switch dams when switching activities or partners.

Gloves

Latex and nonlatex gloves are your best friends when you want to incorporate your hands in oral sex. The feel of smooth, lubricated latex fingers caressing a clit or penetrating a vagina or anus is a sensation some women prefer over the texture of fingers—especially if the fingers are rough or have jagged fingernails or hangnails. Using a glove is also safer, as you may have tiny cuts on your fingers you may not be aware of, and some viral STDs, such as herpes, can be transmitted by skin-to skin contact.

Even if you are fluid bonded, you may still want to use gloves to touch her vulva or anus externally or to penetrate her vagina or anus. Gloves provide a great way to protect her from rough fingers or cuticles, and many women enjoy the smooth surface of a lubricated latex glove on their vulva. They also facilitate easy cleanup: you have a messy lube-covered glove and you want to switch activities or cuddle—ta-da! You simply remove the glove. Without the glove, you would be washing up in the bathroom. Gloves are also essential for preventing the spread of germs from your unwashed hands to her vagina or the spread of bacteria from the anus to the vagina. Never allow anything that has touched the anus to touch her vulva. Going from vagina to anus is fine—vaginal bacteria are not harmful to her anus—but not the other way around. The bacteria that live around the anal opening and in the rectum can trigger a vaginal infection, or with vigorous rubbing such as during intercourse, a bladder (urinary tract) infection. Always switch gloves, dams, or condoms when switching activities.

If you want to finger her anus, and then her vulva, try wearing two gloves on one hand: Put one glove on (while giving her a deliciously wicked smile, of course), then squeeze a water-based lube into a second glove, and put your gloved hand into it. Then, if you know it will make her toes curl, after fingering her anus you can remove the outer glove and return your attention to her vulva, all in one uninterrupted movement. Yum!

Finger Cots

You can find singular little finger condoms called finger cots at your local pharmacy (made to protect fingers with cuts, these are used a lot in restaurants). Finger cots are great for fingers that like to amorously slip into moist crevices on the sly, and they are very discreet. The whole idea is to protect said crevices from bacteria—be it from the steering wheel, the keyboard, or your mouth. They’re inexpensive and indispensable.

Finger cots and condoms are always in my purse.

Plastic Wrap

Latex allergies are no fun, and they can rear their ugly heads as rashes, chronic infections, or severe allergic reactions leading to anaphylactic shock. When in doubt, use plastic wrap (a.k.a. Saran Wrap); it does the trick nicely and has playful advantages. It can be even better than those slippery little dental dam squares, because you can use long sheets of it, see through it, and even make a pair of lickable panties out of it! For a long time, safer-sex literature insisted on nonmicrowaveable plastic wrap, because the microwaveable variety has microscopic holes to keep your soup from exploding in the microwave. But recent research has shown that those holes don’t really open up until the temperature reaches microwave oven levels—that is to say, much hotter than you’re likely to get no matter how cunning a linguist you are! Still, it never hurts to be extra safe, so if you’re shopping for plastic wrap for safer-sex purposes, choose the nonmicrowaveable kind.

Flavored Vulvas

Ever had the idea to slowly pour chocolate sauce, honey, or flavored lubricants over her vulva and make her into a sweet dessert? You’re not alone, but if she’s at all sensitive to yeast infections or is a diabetic, then you’re going to have to rethink your seduction strategy. Sugar (and the glycerin in some water-based lubes) is the sworn enemy of vaginal health. Sugar stimulates the growth of yeast bacteria, and it will certainly make your encounter unforgettable—in the wrong way. Try restricting the tasty treats to breasts, nipples, stomach, or other external erogenous nibble zones.

You will also want to avoid lubes with the ingredient nonoxynol-9, because it is very irritating to most women. It’s a detergent (read: soap) that actually does more harm than good. It causes severe irritation, leaving abrasions on the cervix (you can cross your legs and wail with me if you like). As you can guess, this undermines its main function, which is to prevent the transmission of HIV—in fact, some studies indicate that using nonoxynol-9 may actually increase your chances of contracting HIV, since those abrasions provide an excellent route into your bloodstream. Plus, nonoxynol-9 tastes nasty and numbs your tongue. Skip it.

Air Embolism

Some lovers might playfully blow a puff of air into the vaginal canal, not realizing that this is dangerous and can even be deadly. Teasing her with hot breaths on the outside of the vulva can be a sweet seduction, but a burst of air from your mouth or an aerosol can (such as a can of whipped cream) can cause an air embolism, the entrance of small air bubbles into the bloodstream. This can cause death, and is especially dangerous for pregnant and menstruating women.

Episiotomy

Women who have experienced childbirth may have undergone an episiotomy. In this routine procedure performed when a woman is giving birth, the perineum, perineal sponge, clitoral muscle, and vaginal floor are cut to facilitate the passage of the bundle of joy. Some women find episiotomy decreases their sexual sensation. If you are approaching childbirth, talk with your doctor about your concerns, or consider investigating natural childbirth with a midwife. If you have decreased sensation and believe it is related to an episiotomy, don’t fret; with knowledge, practice, and a sense of adventure, you can expand your capacity for orgasm in many ways. Follow the exercises and instructions in chapter 2, “How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Getting Head,” for deepening and strengthening orgasm, such as Kegels, and try masturbating frequently. See chapter 11, “Sex Resources,” recommendations on books and videos that explore female sexuality and orgasm.

When I had my first, they gave me an episiotomy, and for a long time oral sex was the only thing that felt good enough to make me come.

The Eroticism of Safer Sex

For some of us, the snap of the glove, the unfurling of a dental dam, or the tearing open of the condom package means one delicious thing: we are about to have sex. While others hem and haw about the extra steps that safer-sex gear requires, or the hassle, or the lessening of sensation, we smell the latex and know we are about to “get done”—and get done right. It means not only that our partner is considerate and cares about our health enough to take the lead but also that we can relax and anticipate good sex, because we know we are in the hands of someone who knows a thing or two about sex. I don’t know about you, but when the gloves go on I think of a smooth and slippery hand, and I purr. Especially if they’re put on with a devious smile. And when that dam is dangled knowingly before my eyes, my sexy partner is telling me there is no escape from pleasure now—and I melt.

Introducing safer-sex gear into your erotic repertoire may seem awkward or even embarrassing at first, but you’ll quickly overcome these feelings by spending a little time experimenting with the new accessories. Buy some condoms, dental dams, gloves, and finger cots, and examine them when you get home. Open the packages, keeping in mind that they will be used only in this instance (you should throw them out when you’re through). Touch them, feel the surface texture, pull and tug on them. Bring the items to your face and lips: become familiar with them by smelling and tasting them. Try on a glove, a finger cot. Lubricate one side of a dental dam, place the lubed side on the palm of your hand, and give it a few test licks, varying the sensation to get an idea of what’s in store for your lover. Most of all, begin to put your safer-sex gear in the same mental category as your sex toys—because that’s what they are.

Allow latex barriers into your erotic fantasies. Incorporate them into your masturbation sessions. Imagine the naughty, yet sweet, ways you can add them to your encounters, such as having a folded dam tucked in your bra or shirt pocket, or keeping your gloves in the aptly named glove compartment of your car.

CHAPTER 5

Tastes and Textures

Eating pussy is like eating peaches on a really hot day.

In sharing sex and sexuality, we open our senses to one another and inhale. We take pictures with our eyes, allowing the images to feed the flames of arousal. Scents emanate from hair and skin, mingling in our mouths and noses to release chemicals that turn us on. Soft moans, a sharp intake of breath, or languid music can sweetly sink us into an erotic mind frame. And touch is king: kisses, nibbles, nuzzling, stroking, pinching, grabbing—all accelerants for the fire.

How our lovers appear to us is the basis for sexual chemistry. How your lover tastes, smells, feels, and looks contribute to your overall sensory experience. When you go down on a woman, your senses are going to be greeted on many levels.

Hair: Velvet or Velcro?

Pubic hair can be a prickly topic for some couples and an issue of concern for an uneasy cunnilingus novice. How women wear their hair down there can vary for a number reasons: genetic, personal, political. A woman who is content with a furry pelt may pose a little forethought for the orally inclined, whereas a clean-shaven vulva can quickly become an angry cactus to a sensitive face.

Some folks love, love, love the hair—the feel, the ambiance—and have no hesitations when shedding occurs. For others, renegade hairs can put a damper on the whole experience. As a giver of cunnilingus, one good tactic for dealing with stray hairs is to gently run your fingers through her pubic hair to dislodge any strays before you get started, something easily incorporated into foreplay. Gently holding her outer lips open with your fingers as you lick can keep the hair mostly out of the way and is a good idea if she has stubble from shaving. Talking to her about your feelings and concerns is always a great idea—you may be surprised to find out how she feels.

Women who are concerned about their partner’s comfort but want to avoid any inconvenience might consider lightly trimming the area where the outer lips turn into the inner lips, and the area above the clitoral hood. This coif shows off the vulva slightly, and some women find that they enjoy it. If a woman is so inclined, she can put her partner in charge of administering an erotic weekly trim—a duty some partners relish and consider part of foreplay.

One of the hottest times ever was when I told my lover I wanted to go down on her but I wanted to trim her pussy hair first. We both got so turned on as I trimmed her, and I went down on her for a long, long time.

For a trim, an electric beard trimmer works quite well—in fact, it’s sort of a turn-on for me to be trimming my beard later, knowing where it’s been.

Adventurous partners can try shaving the hair partly or completely off. Women who shave might want to reshave regularly, so that your stubble doesn’t abrade your partner’s face, lips, and tongue. If you’re caught up in the throes of arousal and don’t want to stop everything to go shave, try covering your pubic bone with your hand, as a shield.

My partner and I both shave our pubes so we can achieve a higher tongue-to-skin ratio.

Shaving

If you’d like to shave, follow these suggestions:

• Before starting, trim the hair down with a pair of small scissors, such as mustache trimmers.

• Take a shower or a warm bath to soften the hair.

• To decrease irritation, you might want to rub a bit of oil into the skin under the hair before shaving; try almond or olive, but be sure not to get it inside the vagina.

• Put hair conditioner in your pubic hair even before applying shaving cream. Hair conditioner is what’s in those creams sold in adult bookstores specifically for pubic hair shaving, so you can avoid spending the extra money by getting a regular conditioner at the drugstore.

Illustration 7. Shaving

• Lather up well with a shaving cream or gel—a thick gel is recommended.

• Use disposable razors; you might even use two or three in a session.

• Start shaving in the same direction as the hair grows, if you can tell. The idea is to shave with as few strokes as possible. Rinse the razor in warm water after each pass; never dry shave.

• Use a mirror and sit on a towel if you’re by yourself. A chair and a full-length mirror are ideal, but a hand mirror will do nicely.

• To shave the edges of the outer labia safely, stretch them out flat with your hand.

• When finished, rinse off using a gentle soap, pat dry, and apply a scent-fee, hypoallergenic lotion.

• Never powder! If you must dust, only use cornstarch: all powders contain talc, which has been linked directly with cervical cancer.

• If you tend to get ingrown hairs, stay away from waxing, which makes hair split and loop around under the skin’s surface.

• Yes, it can itch like crazy when it grows back in. Instead of wiggling around like an Elvis impersonator while waiting in line for a cup of coffee, excuse yourself and apply hypoallergenic lotion. It won’t make the itching stop forever, but it helps.

The one thing I do find frustrating about cunnilingus is the problem of pubic hair. Pubic hair has such a wiry texture compared to the hair on the head or other body hair, and I HATE having one in the back of my throat or—god forbid!—between my teeth. When I’ve been with smooth-shaven women, I’ve enjoyed cunnilingus much more.

What About Waxing?

Waxing is the procedure in which a warm wax specifically formulated for hair removal is applied to the places you want hair eliminated, then gauze is pressed onto it while still warm. When it’s set, it’s ripped away from the skin, taking the hair with it. It hurts when it’s ripped off and leaves you swollen and red for a day or two, but the women who swear by it say they get used to it, or don’t mind, probably because the offending hair is gone for four to six weeks. Waxing can be done at home, but for the “full monty” of having your entire genital area waxed, you’re better off putting your pussy in the hands of experts.

You’ve got a few options with waxing. You can go for what’s called a bikini line wax, in which just the hair outside the bikini line is waxed. Or you can go all the way and get a Brazilian wax, in which everything is waxed, usually leaving a little racing stripe of hair on the front—or you can have even that removed. Either way, with a Brazilian, they wax it all—anus, outer labia, and even inner labia.

When you go in to get a Brazilian, be prepared to strip down and spread you legs very, very wide—the cosmetologist will probably have you hold your legs over your head. It’s not for the shy. Be sure to go in when you have enough hair to wax off; if you’ve shaved recently, the cosmetologist might tell you to come back when your hair has grown in more. The waxing begins with a dusting of baby powder (you’ll want to shower when you get home to get the talc off your vulva) and continues with a quick slathering of wax. Even more quickly, the wax comes off, and the sensation may make your eyes roll up into your head. Then, a once-over with tweezers, and, well, by then let’s hope the endorphins have kicked in, because you’ll be red, swollen, and sore. But the whole procedure is over in about fifteen minutes—not bad for a month of silky-smooth pussy.

To find a good waxer, hunt around for higher-end salons. You’ll pay more, but it will be worth it to be in expert hands. Talk with the women who work at the salon and find out how long they’ve been in business and how long the person who will wax you has been doing Brazilians. Don’t settle for someone with less than a year’s experience.

Many salons that do Brazilian waxes will also dress up your newly bare privates with a shimmering crystal tattoo. The tattoo is a stenciled design of small clear or colored crystals affixed with an adhesive that lasts for up to five days, though you can have designs applied that last only for the evening. These crystal tattoos are the same Swarovski crystal tattoo designs you might see on other body parts. Designs can be custom, or you can choose among the stencils available—popular designs include sunbursts, hearts, stars, and butterflies. Salons report than many women come in and get the tattoos for special occasions, such as weddings or anniversaries.

Razor Burn

Nothing’s worse than making yourself lovely with a clean shave, and then having it ruined by razor burn. That uncomfortable, ugly red rash of bumps is troublesome, but it can be avoided to some extent by following the shaving suggestions presented earlier in this chapter. If you seek further help, beware of over-the-counter and prescription creams, because they contain cortisone. Cortisone will get rid of your razor burn, but using it more than twice a week causes thinning of the skin. Try these suggestions instead:

• Splash with cool water after shaving to close your pores.

• Wash shaved areas with goat milk soap. Goat milk soap restores the skin’s natural mantle and pH.

• Use calendula creams or ointments after shaving. Calendula works wonders on irritated skin.

• Use a natural aftershave from a health food store. Men use aftershaves for a reason!

• You can find products for razor burn and ingrown hairs in the men’s shaving section of your local drugstore. They work well, but use them sparingly, because the chemicals are harsh and may take a toll on the sensitive, thin skin of your genitals.

Working in a health food store, I’ve tried everything. What works for me is an old-fashioned lather brush, a fresh razor, and some aftershave.

Smell and Taste

It still tastes funny (like cocks don’t?), but I’ve learned to appreciate the funk.

I love how every woman smells different. I don’t want to sound like a sap, but I still get nostalgic sometimes thinking about how my different girl-friends smelled.

A kiss—any kiss—is our first taste of each other. As you become close to your lover, nuzzling her face, running your lips over hers and kissing parts of her face, you get to savor the first flavors of her skin. By being near her, you can take a deep breath and relish the essence of her scent. The smell of your lover and the sweet taste of her lips can be unforgettable.

The odors and tastes found between the thighs of all genders have had volumes of euphemisms written to commemorate, or denigrate, their uniqueness. People who enjoy performing oral sex on women wax poetic about the sensual taste and musky bouquet they relish, while others new to the game may be scared senseless about how things might smell. The vagaries of scent and taste depend on any number of factors, from where she is in her cycle to whether she’s eaten garlic linguine or takes multivitamins. If you’re wondering what’s in store for you when going face-to-face with her vulva, then you’re in for a little chemistry lesson.

As Natalie Angier tells us in Woman: An Intimate Geography, on any given day, our skin’s pH hovers between 6.0 and 7.0, while the hearty vagina hovers between a piquant 3.8 and 4.5. While you won’t find vulvas on the menu at your local café, you can have some black coffee (pH 5), try a lick of lemon (pH 2), or have a glass of the closest thing going, wine, which has the same pH range as the vagina. And the friendly bacteria that protect the vagina from becoming the perfect hostess to germs are lactobacilli, the same bacteria found in yogurt. The lactic acid in vaginal secretions plays a big role in keeping the pH low. Healthy, juicy women will have a slightly sweet, slightly pungent scent, very near that of room-temperature plain yogurt.

When a woman’s vaginal pH climbs, her secretions smell stronger. The yogurt spoils; the Chianti is corked. It doesn’t take much to upset the balance and change the pH in the vaginal ecosystem, and the troublemakers come in a trinity: douching, soap, and semen. Douching is extremely harsh and is one of the biggest causes of vaginal infections. Regular soap is a big culprit—most body soaps range in pH anywhere from 7.0 to 14! The final usurper of our peaceful flora and fauna is male ejaculate, measuring in at an alkaline pH of 8 (more alkaline than saliva, tears, or sweat), enough to transform our gentle scent within minutes.

If you both are concerned about cleanliness, try showering together beforehand, or taking a sensual bath. If you’re unsure about what your initial reaction to her taste might be, try this: As you seduce, arouse, and titillate in the stages of foreplay, take the time to become accustomed to the scent of her skin. Gently massage her vulva with your hand, and try a taste of her on your fingers. This way, you can change your mind before it’s too late—or discover the true meaning behind those beautiful poetic references to “my lover’s sweet nectar.”

But being clean for our lovers is important, and so the best thing for women who want to wash up before oral sex is to purchase a hypoallergenic soap with a low pH, something you can find at drugstores. Women with sensitive vaginas may want to use these soaps on a regular basis. One little-known fact is that the human mouth is less hygienic than the vagina, and folks who are going down will want to do their own bit of washing up, too. Before you begin your sexual encounter, rinse your mouth with water or mouthwash. Brushing your teeth may produce tiny cuts in your mouth—don’t do it if you want to avoid fluid transmission during unprotected cunnilingus.

The natural taste of a woman’s vulva can range from slightly tangy to a slippery saltiness to even containing a hint of iron around the time of her menstrual cycle. Strong foods such as asparagus and garlic can influence the vulva’s environment, and so can vitamins. Flavors and aromas secreted from an aroused woman’s genitalia are so packed with chemicals and pheromones that they make a powerful biochemical aphrodisiac. However, this doesn’t mean that her chemistry will “click” with yours, or that your lover will have the same sweet taste every day of the month. Should you notice a marked change in your sweetie’s bouquet, and you have both established trust about oral sex, you might gently bring it to her attention, as it could warrant a health check.

Either way, while the receiver of your most tender affections is present, tact is utmost. Most women in our culture have grown up with cloying “freshness” commercials and ugly schoolyard jokes about tuna reinforcing a distinct sexual shame. How each woman internalizes this is unique, from realizing it’s not true to really believing she is dirty and disgusting. For many women there is nothing hotter under the sun than a lover who revels in her tastes and smells and makes it crystal-clear that they absolutely love to have her in their mouth. Be sensitive and let her know how much you enjoy everything about her. And don’t forget, there’s a whole lot more to oral sex than orgasm—it’s about making your lover feel good all over—body, heart, and spirit.

I like going down on my wife after she’s just worked out at the gym. Tasting her is so intense that I almost come when she does, without even touching myself!

Beard Burn

If you’ve got hair growing on your face, take a moment to think about how it might feel on sensitive genitalia. Conversely, if you like the clean-shaven look, beware of stubble that can turn your romantic overtures into your erotic death sentence. Beard burn really hurts. Make sure you’re freshly shaved; if you’re one of those people who look like they need a shave fifteen minutes after they set down the razor, you’ll want to incorporate a well-positioned towel around her outer lips once you start your oral ministrations. Partners with short facial hair might want to grow it slightly longer to avoid prickling sensitive vulvas with little spikes. When in doubt about how it feels, ask.

Suppose you’re both hot and bothered while she’s having her period, and you want to go down but fall into the “not for me, thanks” camp? Here are a few tricks to try:

• Use safer-sex gear, such as gloves, dental dams, and Saran Wrap.

• If you don’t mind the string, she can use a tampon.

• Try out the Instead cup, available at drugstores. It’s a tampon alternative, consisting of a rubber cup that fits over the cervix and catches the menstrual flow. Experiment with one before you use it during cunnilingus to be sure of fit and comfort.

Menstruation

Once a month, or thereabouts, women of childbearing age bleed. Before we do, the three corkscrew-shaped arteries that connect to the endometrium and provide blood to the placenta during pregnancy slowly coil and slow blood flow. Twenty-four hours before the flood, they twist shut altogether, causing the endometrial tissue to wither and die. Then the corkscrews do an about-face, reopening the blood flow, and blood rushes in, beginning the menstrual period. Contrary to popular media, this is not when we don white jeans and play tennis; if that were so, we would play tennis 450 to 480 times in a lifetime. Instead, we shed around three fluid ounces of blood.

The plain truth about oral sex and menstrual blood is that some couples care and others don’t. It goes without saying (but I’ll say it anyway) that this practice is only for couples who are “fluid bonded,” meaning that you are aware of the implications of swapping potentially lethal bodily fluids and in full agreement about doing so. Apart from health risks, though, some folks just find it unappealing .

A woman’s cycle might change her sexual appetites and response cycle greatly or not at all. Some women will be so horny that not even doorknobs will be safe, while others will want to move to an abandoned monastery in Tibet. As with everything from her favorite pizza toppings to what brand of fabric softener she likes, ask, ask, ask.

The Sweets of San Francisco

BY ALISON TYLER

San Francisco is known for many things: the towering Golden Gate Bridge, the rich dark chocolate, the curvaceous hills, the vibrator museum. But to my way of thinking, the most important landmark can’t be found on any map of classic tourist sites. Eat your heart out with jealousy, because it’s mine alone to enjoy—that special no-man’s region between my girlfriend’s thighs.

I’m not only talking about her sweet pussy, although I must say that her cunt is my all-time, five-star favorite place to dine. No, my road map of pleasure starts much lower on Miranda’s body. Generally, I begin a bit above her knees but well below the curves of her inner thighs. I lick my way up her legs, giving her time to both tune in and turn on. There’s nothing like it. Moving my tongue in slow strokes up her soft skin. Lapping with the flat of my tongue, then tracing designs with the pointed tip.

I can sense her pleasure as it starts to build. She wriggles her body on the mattress, or the sofa, or the linoleum-covered floor of our kitchen. She moans softly and makes encouraging catlike noises, little half-purrs, half-growls.

But even more arousing to me than her sounds or her actions is her scent. It wafts over me slowly, creeps up on me like San Francisco’s famous early-morning fog. I wait for it as my tongue takes the trip along her body. All my senses are in tune, preparing for the first heady breath of her pussy. Each time, it’s the same. That scent makes my own cunt throb in response, echoing her pleasure.

“Tomi,” she whimpers. “Please—”

There is no word following please. This is because she doesn’t want me to stop or to go faster. Truly, Miranda doesn’t want me to do anything except exactly what I’m doing. Licking my way ever so slowly toward the split between her thighs, and taking my time to enjoy the view along the way. Still, she can’t stay quiet because…well, because she can’t.

The smoothness of her shaved skin reaches up and up to her completely bare pussy. It’s so different from the wild woolliness between my own legs. I love that difference, like to nuzzle my nose up into it, letting her feel every part of my smooth face with her cunt. I do this before I even part my lips for the first taste, before I introduce her to the wetness of my tongue at her core.

When I’m ready—and we go by my speed and by my clock—I breathe in deeply, like someone at a wine tasting inhaling the bouquet. The scent of her pussy is like nothing else, and like everything else. It is like a deep French Merlot. A lemon-fresh breeze. A first sip of strong espresso. More than that, it’s addictive. I simply can’t get enough.

That’s all right with Miranda. She doesn’t want me to get enough. Parting her slender thighs wider to help, she runs her fingers through my tousled, gray-streaked hair. Tonight, we are in the kitchen, because occasionally I like to play in the stark atmosphere as a change from the comfort of our bed. The bedroom is Miranda’s domain, with her flurry of fluffed-up pillows, goose-down comforter, satin sheets. But the kitchen is all mine, and it matches my clear-headed personality: stainless steel sink, sleek chopping knives perfectly displayed, neatly stacked plates. I like to see my rose-cheeked girlfriend naked on the black-and-white checkered floor, her hands over her head, her blue eyes half-shut in a look of total bliss.

Miranda is completely stripped, but I’m still in jeans and a white T-shirt, leather boots on, leather belt around my waist. Being dressed while she’s nude turns me on even more, and I have to scoop her ass up in my hands, lift her hips to my mouth and feed. Even though I’ve worked at a lazy pace to this point, now I feel that heat pulse within me. I want to drink her down. Want to swallow her up.

My face presses tight against her pussy. My tongue flicks deep inside. I lick and lick, tickling her clit with just the tip before driving it in home. I am sealed to her cunt, but I still can hear her speak. “Tomi,” she says, and I hear in the tone of her voice how close she is. Teetering. But I already knew that from the abundant juices smeared across my lips.

“Oh, God, Tomi, yes—” she moans, reaching down again to twine her fingers in my hair as she comes. Pushing hard. Pulling in. I lap at her dripping slit until those magic waves crest through her. Until she’s breathless and limp in my arms.

The sweets of San Francisco.

That’s what my girlfriend is. And just as with any sinful dessert, I cannot get enough.

CHAPTER 6

Cunning Linguistics: Getting Started

If you’re interested in going down on your female partner and never have before, then you’re going to be adding something new to your sexuality. And if you’re in a relationship, you’re adding a new sexual behavior to your routine. Perhaps cunnilingus is already part of your lovemaking, but one of you wants it to change. Adding new sex practices or tailoring existing ones to individual desires can be a lot of fun, or it can be a nerve-wracking experience.

The important thing to consider when adding any new sexual technique to your repertoire is where your goals lie. Are you interested in increasing intimacy, or do you just want to get off? Is your goal to establish trust, or are you simply after an evening of arousing, teasing sexual play? Are you looking for orgasm, affection, or fun? Regardless, you should always make your main goal to have fun, be close, and want her dearly. If she senses this through your tongue’s tender ministrations, then you’re both already halfway to heaven.

My girlfriend likes getting oral sex but doesn’t ever seem to want me to make her come with my mouth. For her, it’s like it takes away from the main event, which for her is intercourse. Actually, it kind of bothers me that she won’t allow me to give her those other kinds of orgasms.

Cunning Strategies and Suggestions

Talking to your partner about sex can feel like a make-or-break scenario, especially if you’re plotting to introduce a new erotic behavior, such as cunnilingus. Very few couples can figuratively hold hands and jump off such a cliff together. But that’s exactly what it feels like when you want to talk about cunnilingus, and you have no idea how your lover will react—whether you’re asking to give or to get. Telling your partner that you want something in your sex life to change is scary if you have a routine. Opening yourself up and asking for something you want sexually takes courage, strategy, and an understanding of why your partner might be reluctant.

When you don’t normally talk about sex in your relationship, starting to might upset your proverbial apple cart. Your lover might wonder if you’ve had sexual secrets all along. However, it’s very likely that your opening up the can of worms will give them the opportunity to tell you what’s on their mind about sex, too.

Before you begin, think about how you might bring it up in a way that would feel safe for you: Would you feel most comfortable renting a mainstream movie with an oral sex scene in it, and commenting on the scene? Some suggestions include Henry and June, Basic Instinct (the director’s cut), Stiff Upper Lips, Louis Malle’s 1958 The Lovers (Les Amants), Good Will Hunting, and Kama Sutra. Or do you think you’d feel okay asking your lover what they think of cunnilingus while you’re entwined in an intimate cuddle? Try giving them a collection of erotic stories as a gift, or read aloud a story that contains a cunnilingus scenario (for story recommendations, see chapter 10, “Independent Study”). Another technique you can try is telling them you want to confess a sexual fantasy and that they aren’t to respond to it right away. Tell them that you can have a conversation about it later; this gives both parties time to feel safe about the exchange.

Illustration 8. Cunning Strategy

Consider ways in which you can encourage your partner to hear you out, and ask them to suspend judgment until you can explain why this is important, and how cunnilingus is going to make you feel—and be sure to reassure them about how hot under the collar they make you feel. Whether you want to give or receive cunnilingus, the most important thing to think through beforehand is how you are going to make your partner feel safe when talking about it. Rehearse what you’d like to say in your head before you actually have the conversation. Think through possible scenarios of how they might react, so you can be prepared to flow with whichever route the discussion might take.

For some women, the idea of having your face between their legs is likely to bring up a whole host of feelings of sexual shame. Before you open the discussion, you’ll want to read up on the fears women face about cunnilingus in chapter 2, “How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Getting Head.” If you have an understanding of the sexual stigmas that all women grow up with, you’ll know what her concerns are and will have a handle on facing them together. Of course, more than a few women are going to have no problem whatsoever with your desire to go down on them—your intentions may be very warmly received.

I think it’s about women feeling safe enough to “let go.”

Talking with a Reluctant Would-be Lick-ee

Is she reluctant? There are a number of reasons why she may be hesitant, and sexual shame is a biggie. Everyone is taught on one level or another that sex is “bad,” that they should have “perfect” bodies, and that women’s genitals are “icky.” If you’re already feeling a little icky, ads for vaginal defumigants with scary chemical-sounding names like “feminine deodorant spray” rub salt into the wounds. I remember seeing my first feminine deodorant commercial as a teen and feeling a wave of panic—did I need deodorant down there, too? I wondered if that was what growing up meant. Getting to buy tampons would mean that I could join the “cool club” of girls at school, but was there some secret no one was telling me about turning into an armpit down there, too? The ads made me afraid of my body, and ashamed.

Many people consider oral sex more intimate than intercourse. So, it’s not surprising that if she’s nervous or uncomfortable about the way her vulva might look or smell, she’s going to be apprehensive about sharing it with you. Cultural bias in the form of state laws that prohibit oral sex between consenting adults only compounds any deeply felt body issues. Some women just plain don’t like their bodies and won’t want you to get a close look. Be sensitive, and ask questions gently in hopes of creating a space where she’ll feel safe to open up about her hesitancy. Trust takes time to build, even in long-term relationships, and she might eventually come to love her genitals as much as you do.

I’ve noticed that people who have been in long relationships seem to have practiced going down on a woman more than those who haven’t put their time in emotionally.

If she’s partially open to the idea but still hesitant, try engaging in oral foreplay up to the threshold of comfort and then switch to a sexual activity that’s comfortable for both of you. Next time you try, go up to that point and a little past it, slowly easing up to cunnilingus. If her anxiety stems from cleanliness issues, you can romantically shower or bathe together beforehand. If it seems appropriate and you’re both turned on, initiate oral sex in the shower. It’s also a good idea to keep a wet washcloth at your bedside, because she might not want to be kissed after cunnilingus. If you know she’s uncomfortable about her body size or how her body looks in general, plan your seduction by romantic candlelight or lowered ambient light—or the two of you can stay partially clothed during sex.

A common concern among many women is that they’ll take too long to have an orgasm. Let her know up front that you don’t care how long anything pleasurable takes, as long as she’s involved. Tell her you’ve been working out! But seriously, this issue nags even the most sexually confident women, and it’s your responsibility to tell her that your goal is simply shared pleasure. Let her know that if she orgasms, that’s great, but if not, it’s just as great—you’re making love to the driver, not the car. This way you can lift any pressure she may be feeling about making you feel like you “did it” and allow her to enjoy what you’re doing for her own sake. Check in with her about this: great lovers ask questions; lousy lovers don’t.

I’m only comfortable receiving oral sex if I’m sure my partner actively wants to give it to me. If he/she hesitates or seems uncomfortable in any way, I don’t enjoy myself.

Finding out What She Likes

It may seem too obvious to mention, but one thing that I actually had a hard time getting through my head is that not all women like the same stimulation. For example, I once got the idea to suck my girlfriend’s clit into my mouth and then flick my tongue across it. That woman really got off on it, so I did it often when I went down on women. I assumed it was a basic fact of female anatomy that they liked it. Finally, a woman told me she didn’t like it, and now I wonder how many of my sex partners have put up with my sucking on their clit when they didn’t like it.

Her feedback is essential to you—how else will you know what’s working and what’s not? It’s not enough to simply ask her, “Are you okay?” You’ll most likely just get an “Uh-huh.” And “How are you?” will usually get you a “Fine.” Then what are you going to do? You’ve got to ask specific questions to get useful answers. Try some of these:

• Do you want me to go faster? Slower?

• Harder? Softer?

• Will you show me where?

• From top to bottom?

• Side to side?

• In circles?

• Do you want long strokes?

• How about here (outer/inner labia, perineum)?

• Do you want me to hold still for a minute? Tell me when to start again.

• Would you like to try suction?

• Do you want me to keep going just like this?

Foreplay Games for Lovers

Lovers in the beginning stages of foreplay can play a fun game that’s basically an adult version of the children’s game Red Light, Green Light. This game helps you determine where her erogenous zones are and can be used with any type of touch: fingers, lips (kisses), tongue (licks), face (nuzzling), or if you’re daring, a sex toy or penis. To play this game, tell her that you’re going to touch her in different places all over her body (and be sure to tell her with what) and that you want her to tell you one of three colors in response; red, green, or yellow. Red means ”No, don’t touch there”; yellow is neutral (but doesn’t mean “Stop”); and green is “Yes! Right there!” Take note of what she likes and when, and you’ll gradually become an unforgettably attentive and incredibly desirable lover.

A playful—and often very arousing—game that works on any body part is the One to Ten game. This delightful game is actually a sneaky strategy to determine her desired levels of stimulation, and it can be used throughout your lovemaking session. Because your lover’s excitement levels change throughout the sexual response cycle, it’s a helpful tool with a noncommunicative partner when you’re trying to figure out what she likes.

Here’s how to play: Tell her that you want to hear a number between one and ten when you touch her. The number one means she wants the lightest possible touch, and a higher number turns up the volume, ten being the top of the scale. When you begin touching or licking, you’ll probably be at one, and as her arousal increases so will the volume—and it may go up and down, so pay attention. Try this out on any appealing erogenous zone: her neck, her nipples, the furrows of her vulva, and her clitoris.

You might want to try playing a little game that pushes the boundaries of playfulness, trust, and power. First, assemble a variety of items that produce various physical sensations: pieces of silk, velvet, fur, rubber, or leather; ice and a cup of hot tea; a feather (or feathers); a vibrator; and if you already play with sensation a little, a small whip, slapper, or some clips. Finally, a blindfold, and you.

Tell her that she is going to be the blindfolded subject of a sensation experiment. You can choose to allow her to see the assembled items beforehand, or not. You also have the option of restraining her wrists and ankles, if she agrees that this will enhance the game. Then, once she is blindfolded and her clothes are removed, begin touching her with different things, going slowly, using one item at a time. Ask her to identify the sensations as you go along—having her describe them to you will give you clues about how she’s responding . Alternate between touching her with a piece of fake fur or velvet, and your mouth. Work your way all over her body, saving her vulva for last. Gradually increase the number of kisses and licks you give her as you incorporate her pussy into the mix. Use the ice and hot tea to warm and cool your mouth alternately, if you wish. Tell her to keep describing the way your mouth feels when you are going down on her. For more about blindfolds and how to use them, see chapter 9, “Tricks or Treats.”

CHAPTER 7

Oral Seduction

Cunnilingus is a three-act play. You set the tone with thoughtfully placed starting licks, you build pleasure with tongue techniques, and in the final act, you use one of the techniques to establish a rhythm with your strokes on her “sweet spot,” building and triggering orgasm. These three stages are crucial—and once you see how much pleasure they bring her, you’ll be back for more. If you skipped the rest of the book, I commend your eager attitude—but take a moment to familiarize yourself with female pleasure-based anatomy, covered in chapter 3, “Anatomy for Pleasure.”

First Taste

If you’re like most people, then you like to get what you want, right when you want it. We love to cave in to those childlike impulses just as we love to give birthday gifts early, don’t see the sense in waiting for Santa, or allow our eyes to travel into plunging necklines. Wanting is a trial of patience, especially when it comes to cunnilingus. But contrary to our own impulses, clitorises demand patience. In fact, they require it; and if they don’t get it, the bar is closed, we’ve stopped serving, and everyone out. The clitoris is so physically sensitive that to touch it directly when a woman is unaroused or not completely aroused is actually painful for the owner. The rule of thumb—of tongue, in this case—is indirect stimulation.

Starting out any cunnilingus session with indirect stimulation is essential—whether it’s the first time or the hundredth. Her clitoris is only part of the story you’re telling with that tongue of yours, and diving for her clitoris right away is likely to turn an evening of potential bacchanalia into the last evening she’ll ever let you try to go down on her. The best approach is to take the slowest, most indirect route—unless directed otherwise, of course, and then you had better do what you are told. A seductive, teasing beginning will make your partner more comfortable with trust issues and assure you of an appreciative union between your mouth and her genitals.

Spend time kissing and nibbling all over her body, avoiding her genital area at first, tracing her from head to toe with your mouth and your hands. Get her used to your touch, while you become accustomed to her feel and the aroma of her skin. Gently discover which parts she likes having licked, and which to leave out. She may purr like a kitten when you massage and lick her thighs, but dislike having you kiss her abdomen. Lick her hands, the hollow of her elbows, the nape of her neck. Caress her breasts and kiss her nipples. Try licking them as you might lick her clitoris.

Illustration 9. First Taste

When you want to transition from foreplay to cunnilingus, gradually narrow your attentions to the entire area of her vulva, and when she responds positively to being touched and kissed in certain spots, spend extra time there. Take a moment for you both to adjust to the feel of having your face near her genitals. If she’s wearing panties, kiss or mouth her vulva through the fabric. At this point, you could take her panties off with your teeth.

Slowly begin to incorporate gentle kisses (all lips, no tongue) on the outside of her vulva with the other things you are doing. Intersperse your kisses with other types of touch such as caresses, light squeezes, and nuzzles, as sort of a preview of what’s to come. Add in long, languorous licks where her inner thighs meet her torso. Light, hot breath on the outside of her genitals is also especially delightful, but never, ever blow air into the vagina—it can seriously harm her.

If you feel nervous about taking the first taste, as you nuzzle her thighs and hips or write your name on her upper thigh with your tongue, take a moment to cup her vulva with your hand. Then, taste her fluids on your hand and see if you are okay with them. You can also experiment with putting some of her juices on another area of her body and licking them off.

Lightly nibble her outer lips, using only your lips. Remember, never go straight for the clitoris unless you’ve been specifically asked (or commanded!) to. Next, use a soft, gentle tongue to trace the area where her outer lips begin to turn into inner lips. Kiss her perineum and give it a few gentle licks, too.

Helping Hands

I love it when my boyfriend goes down on me, especially when he puts his hands under my butt, lifts me up, and licks away like he can’t get enough. As I get closer and closer to orgasm, I grab his hands and hold them tight while I come.

While you’re on your way to playing her most delicate organ, use your hands as much as you can to increase her comfort and arousal. It is essential (or at least highly recommended) in building arousal to touch other areas: fondle her breasts and nipples, grasp her hips, hold her buttocks, stroke her thighs and stomach: these activities can also help distract nervous lovers. Many women will find the following toe-curling tips incredibly erotic; experiment to see what she responds to.

• Insert a finger in her mouth for her to suck and lick.

• Run your fingers through her pubic hair.

• Gently pull her pubic hair.

• Try lightly tugging on her outer and/or inner lips—some women like having them pinched.

• Push or pull up the mons veneris to heighten erotic intensity, or try rubbing it in a circular motion.

• When she is very aroused, try squeezing or pinching her breasts and nipples; as arousal increases, she may ask for stronger stimulation.

• Incorporate rimming or anal stimulation with a finger. Remember that once you rim her, you can’t lick her vulva until you’ve cleaned up.

Female Genital Massage

Right before, I have to get my pussy kneaded. It gets me ready.

Genital massage is a technique that can build and increase a woman’s arousal. Like a regular massage, it’s a very sensual form of contact and is very relaxing for the recipient. Giving her mons veneris and vulva a massage is highly recommended, whether it’s a stopover on your way to cunnilingus or a long, languorous part of an erotic full-body massage.

You should not use oils on the vulva. You can give a dry massage, but a water-based lubricant is highly recommended. Start with light touches and strokes all over her torso and abdomen, upper thighs, and hips. Cup your hand over her vulva and hold it still for a moment. Press lightly, and begin to move your hand in a barely discernable circular motion. Apply a steady pressure with the palm of your hand to her outer lips, and keep circling. Next, move on to these massage techniques:

• With both hands, press your flattened fingertips on either side of her vulva.

• Using your thumb and forefinger on each of the outer labia, give a massaging pinch.

• Flatten both hands and stroke her outer lips, pulling up and down.

• With the same flat hand position, press the outer labia in (toward each other), and out (away from each other).

• Use the pads of your fingertips to stroke the outer labia up and down, and massage into the furrows between the inner and outer lips.

• Flatten your palms on her thighs and massage in small circles with your thumbs, working from bottom to top. Stay to the sides of her clitoris.

• Flatten your fingers over her vaginal opening and apply pressure in small circles.

• Alternate any of these techniques with the open-hand massage you started with.

Starting Licks

What I really love is moving around on my lover’s vulva, teasing her—not just focusing on the clit, but moving all around the inner lips, outer lips, upper thighs, the entrance to the vagina. When I do focus on the clit, I don’t necessarily exert a lot of pressure; a light touch can be as arousing as a hard one.

Now that you’re both hot and bothered, you’re ready to take the plunge. This is when you use your mouth to its fullest advantage—or in my opinion, for what it was made for. You’ve been licking everything but her clit this whole time, and by now you’re feeling like you deserve a treat for keeping your impulses in check. Your treat is coming! You’ve been driving her wild with teasing strokes and the heat of your soft tongue; now it’s time to approach her clitoris.

As you move to the clitoris, lick the entire area around it until she’s very aroused. Begin by gently holding her labia open with your fingers, and starting on the side, run your tongue up and down the furrows alongside her clit, between the inner and outer lips. Gently nibble, with your mouth only, her outer and inner labia. In this crucial buildup phase, try kissing her vulva the way you might kiss her mouth. Use your whole mouth, not just an extended tongue. Then, as if licking an ice-cream cone with a soft, flat tongue, give her one long sixty-second lick. Remember: going slowly is essential. Repeat the ice-cream licks if they were well received, until she begins to melt.

Lazily circle her clit with your tongue. Keep in mind that you should never go straight for it—the clitoris is always more sensitive at first—so always lick the shaft from the sides. Some women will have a favorite side, so pay attention to her body language to see what she likes. For instance, if she rocks her pelvis or moans appreciatively, then you’ve found a good spot. You’ll also want to notice if she is responding to a hard or soft tongue: this will most likely change, but it’s important to know what feels great for her at this stage in her arousal. Pay particular attention to her body when your tongue touches her clit—if she suddenly convulses or jolts, you’ve hit the right spot, but with too much force. Does it seem like she’s quivering? That’s also a sign for you to back off. If that happens, retreat to the sides of the clitoral hood and slow your pace.

Lightly flick your tongue over the clitoral hood and shaft in side-to-side strokes. Not all women enjoy up strokes on the hood, because they expose the sensitive glans, so your best bet for a sensitive clit is always a side-to-side approach. Next, flatten your tongue and gently run it over the hood and shaft you just flicked; then return to the light flicker. This is when things will really begin to heat up for both of you: keep flicking and let her responses guide your pressure. She may want your tongue to the side and firmer, or the flickering might be driving her wild—her breathing will change, her skin will flush, her genitals may begin to swell, and her muscles will tense. Don’t stop now, whatever you do, because you’re about to get down to business.

How to Keep Your Lipstick Perfect

One issue particularly bothersome to women of the more femme persuasion, such as myself, is how to keep our lipstick in order when going down on our sisters. Fortunately, cosmetic companies have heard our cries of despair and have formulated lipsticks with what they call “kissing power.” These modern inventions (found in drugstores) stay put for up to four hours and won’t move no matter what set of lips you’re kissing. You can also find products in beauty stores called “lip set,” a liquid you brush over your own perfect lipstick application. This product is a modern miracle—it stays on for around six hours, and you can do anything with it on. Plus, you’re not stuck with the colors in the “kissing power” lines.

Tongue Techniques

No need to feel tongue-tied at the beginning of what is about to be the most important speech you’ve ever given—but it’s easy to feel that way when you get to this point and suddenly draw a blank on what to do next. Even if you don’t get stage fright easily, it’s good to have a few aces up your sleeve, so to speak, when the chips are down. First, find out what you can do with your mouth, then learn the different strokes and combinations.

The smell and the taste and feel on my tongue and lips are hot. I’m tuned right into my lover’s turn-on, you know?

The tongue is the body’s greatest unsung hero. It is a muscle with a life of its own, within the watery moat of our mouth. It speaks, eats, tastes, swallows, kisses, forms a concave groove for sucking ginger ale from straws, and occasionally pokes from our lips for a comic insult. Without the tongue, we primates would be up the proverbial creek without our little pink paddles.

An organ of speech, digestion, and recreation, the tongue is a cleverly encased little package of muscle tissue, glands, fatty cells, and sensitive nerves. A mucous membrane, or mucosa, covers it, while the top surface, or dorsum, contains taste buds sensitive to touch and food flavors, plus serous glands that secrete some of the fluids in saliva—saliva that we create and swallow at the rate of ten thousand gallons in a lifetime, according to The Guide to Getting It On! by Paul Joannides. Nerves leading from the tongue are stimulated by taste buds that react with chemicals in anything moist. The brain interprets these nerve impulses as sensations of feeling and taste. The total flavor of anything we put in our mouths comes from the combination of taste, smell, texture, consistency, and temperature sensations. The tongue, with its thousands of nerve endings, talks of sweet chocolate pleasures, shouts pain when we bite it, and quietly whispers messages of erotic impulses to our big brain, all on its own.

Going down on your lover means getting in touch with your tongue—literally. You already have an intimate understanding of what your tongue likes, appreciates, lusts for, even curls up in disdain about, but now we’re talking about the other side of the equation. If she’s going to be shouting, “Harder, right there!” and using your ears as handlebars, you’re going to need to know what “harder” feels like.

What About Tongue Piercings?

Some body piercings are just for sexy decoration, but many can enhance sex play—especially a tongue piercing, in which a metal ball (they come in various sizes) is placed in the center of the tip of the tongue. Cunning linguists and their partners rave about how the ball can give extra-firm stimulation right when—and where—it’s needed. If you have a tongue piercing, practice using it on your hand so you can learn to control the type of sensation and pressure it delivers.

First, wash your hands.

Now, lick the palm of your hand, in the most sensitive, ticklish hollow part. Try long, soft, ice-cream cone strokes; then try firm, short, rapid strokes. You’ll notice that your tongue dries out, then magically rewets itself. This is desirable, because during oral sex your saliva will coat your tongue and flow onto your lover’s vulva, creating a delightful lubrication. Sometimes it makes a lot of lubrication, in which case you might consider placing a towel under her buttocks. (Occasionally, the drips will cool on their way down, making an uncomfortable wet, drippy sensation between her cheeks—avoid this by bunching the towel slightly.) Get yourself accustomed to the way you can adjust the pressure of your strokes; trying them on your hand will give you a good idea of how they translate to your lover.

After all the buildup, when he first puts his mouth right on me the heat is so intense I could come right away. But I don’t let myself.

What Your Mouth Can Do

I like it when my boyfriend sucks on my clit so it kind of pops across his teeth.

Let’s take a moment to appreciate that talkative, expressive, delicious sex organ, the mouth. The term oral fixation isn’t just for smokers, and even when used in polite circles it brings images of oral sex to everyone’s mind. That’s because we’re oral creatures by nature, and our mouths are naturally sexual—they talk dirty, look overtly sexual, are strong, wet, and warm, and trigger mental and physical sexual responses when stimulated. This is an intimate place on your body right out in the open for all to see. Treat it like the sex organ it is. Keep your lips soft and moist: exfoliate them with your toothbrush or a gentle scrub once a week and use good lip balm. When you brush your teeth, be sure to brush your tongue to keep it smooth, sexily pink, and appealing to look at. And smile a lot—it’s a great way to flirt, and no mouth is sexier than a smiling one. Here’s what you can do with your mouth between her thighs:

• Cover her vulva with your entire mouth.

• Nibble the outer and inner lips, or the clitoral hood.

• Use your tongue in different ways: it can be soft, light, and pointed, or it can have a focused and firm tip. Be sure not to inadvertently poke her clitoris with too much pressure.

• Learn to use the “ice-cream” lick to your advantage. Make your tongue flat and wide, and lick her vulva like a melting ice-cream cone. This can provide a great transition from one technique to another, but if it drives her wild, keep doing it. These licks can feel very good when they’re firm.

• Try sucking her clitoris. Cunnilingus is far from cocksucking, but she may enjoy having her clitoris sucked. Keep in mind, though, that it’s not for everyone. Try a gentle suction with your lips only, and also suction combined with holding and sweetly squeezing her clit for a slow second. If she’s really randy, combine the suction with your tongue gently pushing her clit in and out, side to side, or up and down, or circling it.

• Try gently taking her clit in your teeth and holding it, lightly flicking with your tongue.

• Penetrate her vagina (or anus) with your stiff tongue; this is known as tongue fucking. Not all women go crazy for it—if she’s really aroused it may not provide a firm enough stimulation—but some will enjoy it in the beginning stages of cunnilingus. Use it sparingly (unless, of course, she loves it); intersperse a series of tongue fucks with another favored technique.

• When your mouth makes full contact, try moaning appreciatively—your mouth and tongue will vibrate her vulva, a delicious sensation in itself. If you’re not shy, hum a tune.

Strokes and Combinations

A through Z and back again; by the fourth repetition I had a hand at the back of my head pushing.

I treat the vulva with the same care and creativity I treat my partner’s mouth when I’m kissing. You wouldn’t just lick your lover’s upper lip over and over again, would you?

There are as many strokes to use in cunnilingus as you can imagine—literally. I’m going to suggest quite a few, but the trick is to pick some, try them in combination for a while, and then begin to focus your licks on the areas she responds to pleasurably. The strokes are the filling, the yummy, sweet part that gives your session body and length and builds her pleasure up to dizzying heights. As you try combinations of strokes, you’ll notice that she is becoming more and more turned on. You’ll also notice that she really responds when you lick her in a certain area, such as on the side of her clitoral shaft, or on the glans itself. Always keep your upper lip curled protectively over your teeth—a nip at the wrong moment is shocking. When she starts to respond to focused stimulation around her clitoris, you’ll begin your rhythm. The following strokes are your road to rhythm.

• Lick lazy circles around her clit.

• Lick side to side or up and down, nipping with your lips between directions.

• Use short, rapid upward strokes, alternated with dipping into her vagina.

• Lick in circles combined with open-mouthed embraces.

• Alternate between circles and side-to-side licks.

• Run your tongue back and forth across her inner lips, then use gentle suction on the lips.

• Use the same technique on the clitoris.

• Alternate small, focused circles on either side of the hood.

• With your tongue tip, lick in the furrows from top to bottom, pressing in gradually with each stroke.

• Lick, plunge in; lick, plunge in.

• Start with “ice-cream” licks up and down, followed with down strokes with your fingertips or flattened thumbs.

• Swirl your tongue in the space between her hood and mons, and rub the outer labia with flattened fingers.

• Lick the ABC’s on her vulva. Start with A and go from there—capitals, lowercase, cursive, secret messages. This method is an old standby.

I once took a Fairy Butch class, and she gave me my favorite tip: place both hands over the mons, creating a diamond shape with the open space between index fingers and thumbs while you lick, and rest your nose on your index fingers. It supports my face while holding open the labia, and it is easier on my neck.

Rhythm

Let’s review our progress. You began with the first licks, making first contact with your hot little mouth on your gal’s equally hot vulva. Next, you seduced her pussy and built upon layers of pleasure by using different mouth techniques, and found a pleasing configuration of strokes to use. Finally, you found a stroke that really worked and began to concentrate your efforts there—on the side of the shaft, or even on the tip of the clitoris.

It stands to reason that once she’s very aroused and close to orgasm, she probably won’t know exactly what your tongue is doing; she’ll just know if it feels good or not. It’s up to you to remember what worked and what didn’t.

Now you’re rhythmically licking the area that’s making her clutch the sheets (or use your ears as handles). If so, what you’re doing is working, there’s no denying it. Establish a steady rhythm, gradually (barely) increasing the pressure but not the pace of your efforts. If it seems that an orgasm is imminent, then don’t change anything—just keep doing whatever you’re doing, no matter what! Her clit or the area around it may pulse as the muscles contract: this is a direct response to your rhythm and is a signal not to stop.

There is an urban legend of sorts that the since the rhythmic contractions of orgasm occur every 7/10 of a second, the rhythm of cunnilingus is best paced to this beat. The truth is, it’s just more orgasmic babble: for us women, there is no rhythm that magically makes an orgasm. The sure-fire way to participate in triggering an orgasm is to pay attention to the location, pressure, and timing of your tongue that your gal responds to. Communication has much to do with it, and although taking the time to pause and ask may break the mood, let her know beforehand that it’s okay to say words like “harder, softer, left, right,” and “like that.” Only she can guide you to her orgasm.

How to Be a Mind Reader (Well, Almost)

I have a huge orgasm almost every time my girlfriend eats me out. When I want it harder I push my pelvis closer to her, and when I want it softer I back up a little. When I come she presses in further, and sometimes I come again right away.

But how do you know what she’s responding to, and what it means? Unlike with a man, the female sexual response cycle will have your lover dancing to her own internal music. Asking her what’s going on is ideal, though not always practical or even possible.

Learning to take cues from her body language is key, especially when she’s in the throes of arousal. She’ll let you know if she wants more of anything by either telling you, moving her pelvis—closer, away, right, or left—or repositioning you. There’s always the risk that she might aggressively pull your head down with her hands, grinding upward into your face, grabbing your ears or hair—an enviable risk to run. When in doubt, try having her show you what she likes; take her hand and gently place it where you’re unsure.

Bump and Grind: Orgasmic Body Language

Breathing is a real trick, especially if the respondee is a real wet one. Coming up for air and holding my breath seems to work right before she slips off the edge.

Back to the grind: How can you tell if an orgasm is imminent and the signs are not obvious? Maybe she’s not crowing “I’m coming!” to the neighbors across the street. When she’s close she’ll be rocking her pelvis, sometimes subtly, sometimes with force, upward into your mouth. She could slowly seem to be getting closer and closer to your face, maybe even pushing you down to the bottom of the bed or shoving her vulva in your mouth. Conversely, if she seems to be getting away from you and you keep having to move to reach her, or she is visibly pulling away, then you’re probably applying more pressure than is comfortable. If you can’t tell which, don’t be afraid to ask—she might really appreciate it. You can tell her to put your face where she wants it by guiding your head.

I try not to feel pressure to make her come; instead I just enjoy the moment and love what I’m doing—and, more often than not, she does come.

A bucking pelvis belongs to a woman about to come, a woman with a smiling vulva if ever there was one. Grinding indicates she wants a slow increase in your tongue’s tempo—though orgasmic indications can be as subtle as quickened breath and muscle tension in her abdomen. Hang on if you can, for the dear life of her orgasm. Wrap your arms around her thighs and hold on to her hips or buttocks if you’re worried about getting bucked off or inadvertently shoving your teeth through your upper lip. Gripping her like this can heighten her pleasure, and it sends some gals over the edge. If she loves this, she might also like to have her thighs immobilized before orgasm: simply hold them firmly still. Also try putting her legs together: though this makes licking somewhat difficult, holding the thighs together and flexing them helps many women achieve orgasm—it is how some women learn to masturbate. If after all the bucking and grinding is over you feel like a cowpoke with whiplash, you may want to talk about it later.

Illustration 10. Orgasm

I always worry about mashing my teeth into someone’s squishy parts!

No one orgasm is better, stronger, faster—the sixmillion dollar orgasm—they all rock her world. Make each one sweet with good post-orgasm etiquette. If she instructs you to stop or keep going, then by all means, do so! If she just seems to be sinking into a pleasant (but quiet) moment, then smile, touch and caress her lightly, hold her if you desire, tell her how beautiful she is and how good she makes you feel. Or say nothing, and savor the moment.

Orgasm

When she orgasms, right before the blissful contractions begin, the clitoris retracts and pulls itself close to the pubic bone—partially explaining why more pressure feels good. There are many types of orgasms, for as many ways in which we can perceive pleasure. They vary in length (on average anywhere from five seconds to three minutes) and can arrive in groups. Some orgasms will be sweat-drenched, pussy-pulsing, head-crushing events; others will expire with nary a sigh of released breath and a lovely glow to her cheeks. And then there’s everything in between.

During orgasm, you may be either pushed away from her vulva or pulled closer (smashed!) to her clitoris; freeze, and stay that way until you feel her body relax. Right after orgasm, her clit is going to feel very sensitive, so holding still is a good idea. You can lightly kiss her vulva, but do not begin to lick her clit again unless you know she is multiorgasmic and directs you to. Make your way up to her eye level and see what she feels like doing next. For partners sensitive about cleanliness and scent, be sure to wipe your face with a damp washcloth (the one you thoughtfully placed by the bed earlier) before you kiss her on the face or lips. However, there are some gals who will grab you and plant one right on your mouth, eager to see how they taste. That’s the nice thing about oral sex: it’s enjoyable regardless of your comfort level with sex—the universal pleasure!

Blue Denim Pussy

BY ALISON TYLER

“So, what do you think?” Sasha asked, twirling around in front of Dan, letting him see her long legs, her tight ass, her slim waist, all contained in a pair of new, tight-fitting jeans. He didn’t respond immediately, taking in the way she looked. She was sleek in her long-sleeved black blouse, birch-colored hair up in a ponytail, green eyes wide while she waited for his answer. Still, he couldn’t actually think of anything to say. Anything except the fact that he was going to fuck her. Here. Now.

“Tell me,” she urged, tilting her head to look past him at her own reflection in the dressing room mirror. “Your honest opinion.”

Still silent, he took one step toward her in the small space and grabbed hold of her hand. His fingers slid upward to close firmly around her delicate wrist, like a pair of handcuffs snapping shut. Something in the gesture made Sasha forget what she was asking and pay attention to the looks Dan was giving her.

“Come here,” he said, and she closed the space between them as he placed his free palm over the crotch of her jeans and let her feel his large hand against her cunt. Instantly, she rested her pussy on his hand, pressed into him, and he began to do the most intricate, marvelous things with his fingers. Dancing them up and down. Massaging her through the denim. Stroking just hard enough for her to lean her head back and sigh.

This was obviously the response he was looking for, and Dan quickly sat on the padded bench running the length of the room. He moved Sasha so that she was cradled on his lap. Slowly, but firmly, he continued to rub her pussy through the Levi’s. He paid attention to every touch he administered, obviously on a mission. She helped, letting him know exactly what she wanted, pushing up with her hips to meet his stroking fingertips as he responded to each move. Focused on bringing her pleasure, he worked harder, firmer, then slid one finger between two buttons in the fly to touch her naked skin.

The feel of his hand on her was electrifying. Just his finger on the space above her pubic hair. Yes, of course, he’d touched her there before. But this was different somehow. Being fingered like this with her clothes still on made Sasha feel the urgency in what they were doing . He pushed down, searching , and his fingertip plunged into the wetness that had already seeped through her nether lips. Withdrawing his hand, he licked his finger clean, then resumed his pussy massage through her jeans.

Closing her eyes, Sasha stifled a moan. Christ, it felt amazing. If he touched her clit with his middle finger, pressed it right up against the seam of her Levi’s, she could come. Dan guessed this, and he sat her on one hand and did exactly what she wanted. Tapping against her clit, harder as she got closer to climax, he stroked her cunt until she was almost there. Almost—

“Take them off.”

Sasha opened her eyes, stunned, at that point of almost coming that had made her brain slow down in direct correlation to the rate that her heartbeat had sped up.

“Just to your knees. Now.”

The urgency had her fumbling. She stood, a wreck, and tried to unbutton the jeans, but her fingers were useless. Dan did the job, pulling hard and popping them open, then sliding the tight jeans down her lean thighs. He went on his knees in front of her, pressing his lips against her white panties, breathing her scent in through that sliver of cotton. Then these were pulled down, too, and he pushed her up against the cold glass of the dressing room mirror and licked at her pussy with his eager, ready tongue.

Sasha gripped onto Dan’s shoulder, breathless, as he made those crazy spirals around her clit. She’d been on the brink from the decadent pussy massage, and now Dan was replicating those actions with his tongue. Around and around the tip went. Teasing and tricking, bumping up against her clit and then leaving it alone to throb desperately, urgently. He kissed her inner thighs for a moment, to give her a chance to miss him. Then, back at the game, he nudged her clit, pushing, before finally ringing her pulsing gem with his lips and sucking. Just sucking.

Oh, yeah, Sasha thought, too tongue-tied to say the words out loud. Oh, yeah. Captured by the jeans and held upright by Dan’s hands around her waist, she let her body relax into the climax. Sliding into it. Drifting into it. Helpless to stop herself. But then, she didn’t want to stop. Did she?

When she opened her eyes, Dan was still helping—helping her take off her jeans and folding them into a neat square. “We’ll get these,” he said. “Because if you did-n’t guess from my response, I like them.”

Then he was turning her, hands flat against the mirror, his body behind her, letting her feel the promise of his cock pressed against her ass. Letting her know with a single look at her eyes in the mirror exactly what was going to happen next—

CHAPTER 8

As You Like It

I like going down on my girlfriend while she’s standing up. It’s the most comfortable position we’ve found so far. She tousles my hair and talks dirty to me while I do it, pushing my head into her pussy when she wants more.

Positions

When giving and receiving cunnilingus, the wonderful feelings are transmitted in virtually every conceivable angle—though some are admittedly easier on the neck and back than others. When considering the positioning of your two sweaty bodies, you want to factor in that you may spend a good deal of time in this position, and ask yourself, Will it be comfortable after five minutes? Ten? Fifteen? And ask your lick-ee if she will be able to relax and get into the groove of things. She may look incredible in that Yoga position, but can she come with her heels behind her neck? Probably not—but following are several excellent, tried and true positions for cunnilingus.

The Classic Position

In the classic position, she lies on her back with her legs spread, and you are on your stomach. This position is a classic for many reasons: it provides the best access to her entire genital area and allows her to lie back and completely relax and enjoy. This position allows you to easily incorporate penetration, analingus, pressure points, or any other tricks you have in store. It can get a little tiresome on your neck, but you can alleviate the strain by changing positions, using the variations, or placing a pillow under her buttocks and propping yourself up on your elbows. Following are some variations on this classic position:

• Have her raise one leg, whether it’s bent to her chest or over your shoulder.

• Place both of her legs over your shoulders.

• Have her lie down with her knees to her chest.

• Put her feet on your shoulders.

• Keep her legs flat—a great position for women who like to flex their thighs when they orgasm.

• Place pillows under her buttocks, to raise her legs, behind her back, or under your chest for your comfort.

• Try licking her from a right angle when she’s on her back. You get to lick her clit side-to-side, and she can squeeze her legs together.

• Wrap your arms under her thighs, and toward you over her hips. Pull open or massage her labia from this position.

• Grasp and lift her buttocks, supporting her hips in your hands.

He goes nuts when I sit on his face, but I can’t relax that way. I can always orgasm when I’m flat on my back, though; I’m the most comfortable that way and can concentrate.

“Sitting on Your Face”

She doesn’t actually sit on your face (unless you’re into being smothered) but kneels on either side of your head and squats onto your mouth. She can really control the action this way and can face either direction: her buttocks on your chest or the reverse, which gives her access to your genitals.

The 69 Position

There are a couple of options for the 69 position, a favorite: her on top, where she’s on hands and knees over you; you on top (same thing reversed); or both of you on your sides, which may be the most comfortable of the three. Experiment with this one to see what you both like—in fact, you should experiment with all of these positions, over and over…

The Sideways Position

When she lies on her side, you can use her thigh as a pillow from either side: lying on your left side (nose to mons) or lying on your right side (chin to mons). Very pregnant women will find this position quite comfortable.

The Doggie-Style Position

Doggie-style isn’t just for fucking. Licking her from behind while she’s on her hands and knees gives you great access and feels really good, too.

Illustration 11. Doggie-Style

The Seated Position

She can sit on the edge of the bed while you kneel on the floor with pillows under your knees. In a chair she can scoot up to the edge, or put her legs over the armrests. In fact, she can sit on the edge of anything: bed, chair, table, kitchen counter, patio furniture, swimming pool…let your imagination run wild (and always err on the side of caution in public areas).

The Kneeling Position

Kneeling when she’s standing feels pretty hot—it’s the quintessential oral sex position but is tough on the knees and provides limited access. It’s a great way to begin, but you might want to then move on to another, more comfortable and accessible position.

Cunnilingus Positions for Injured or Disabled People

Taylor is a radical artist: from her wheelchair she paints giant abstracts that are riots of violent color. She likes to lay big canvases out on her studio floor, leave the chair, and with her powerful arms, pull herself around her big paintings, leaving wet handprints on the floor, the canvas, the chair. Taylor’s eyes lit up like blue diamonds when I asked her for comments on cunnilingus.

Being her friend, I know how she came to be in the chair—a motorcycle accident that has her off booze for the rest of her life. Taylor’s spine was mostly replaced with a thin metal rod; the structure of her body was crushed. But not her sex life. She can’t move her legs, but she can feel her pussy. And she loves oral sex. Her boyfriend relishes going down on her, and they do it with abandon—he just loops her legs over his biceps, and off they go.

Taylor says everyone is “temporarily abled,” and she’s right. Our bodies—our humble homes—break down, get injured, fall ill, or just creak and ache. And by the same token, we age; into the sunset we will all eventually ride. None of this affects our will to engage in oral amour, but it can affect how we go about it.

If we are injured or disabled, props, bolsters, and pillows become our best friends. Performing cunnilingus requires putting strain and stress on the muscles that support the neck, head, tongue and jaw, and they may become sore or cramp after just a few minutes of stimulation. People with neck injuries should choose positions that support the head: sideways 69 with a pillow under your head, the woman on top, using her thigh as a pillow, or sitting backward in a high-backed chair while she’s on the kitchen counter. Folks with back injuries already know how pillows provide relief under their knees, and pillows can also go between the knees of whoever’s hurting and lying sideways. Let comfort in nonsexual situations be your guide. You may even end up with her butt sky-high on as many pillows as your chest and stomach are propped on, but if it feels good, who minds? Also, for back pain, make use of furniture such as low stools, which can be used bedside—or kitchen-table-side.

Women with disabilities will have varying capacities for receiving oral stimulation, but this depends on the type of disability and, sometimes, how far it has progressed. Needless to say, you should never consider a disabled woman asexual. Disabilities fit into various categories: mobility, communication, deafness, vision impairment, or other diagnosed conditions such as multiple sclerosis, diabetes, or attention deficit disorder (ADD).

A woman with multiple sclerosis might find genital stimulation pleasurable but may have difficulty experiencing orgasm due to partial numbness of her genitals. In some cases, women with MS may experience pain during stimulation—this is when communication is essential, especially since the effects of MS on her sexuality can change over time, making some things feel wonderful for a few weeks, then unpleasant for a while. According to Masters and Johnson on Sex and Human Loving, by Virginia Johnson et al., because of nerve damage about a third of women with diabetes will no longer be able to achieve orgasm by the time they have had the disease for four to six years. Oral sex may still feel delightful; be sure to check in with her about varying your level of stimulation. ADD sufferers will find that their mind is simply racing when they want to be relaxing and enjoying cunnilingus—their brain is traveling at warp speed when they just want to sustain a fantasy, or focus on orgasm. Treatment for ADD can help, but because many of the prescribed pharmaceuticals inhibit orgasm, you should stress the importance of sexual functioning to your doctor before the prescription is written.

For paraplegic and quadriplegic women, sexual function may be impaired but can be increased over time: practice, practice, practice! After a spinal cord injury, the spinal center for sexual function is generally intact; it’s the communication from brain to spinal center that’s usually disrupted. Unless some sensation in the area of her genitals remains, the usual sensation of orgasm is lost, but she may experience phantom orgasm elsewhere in her body. A playful, communicative partner goes a long way.

Tongue and Jaw Cramp

One thing for sure is that different women have different sensitivities, preferences, and response times.

Once you’re in position and get your rhythm going, you’re in it for the duration. How long is that? Sorry—there’s no answer to that question. You could lick for a minute or two and then get your head crushed between the thighs of your orgasming Amazon, or you could lick for a long time, and she might not orgasm. Both scenarios—as well as everything in between—can happen with the same woman; it takes as long as it takes, and your tongue might cramp, your jaw might ache, and your neck might get tired. There’s a sort of Murphy’s Law to it all, too—it can seem like when you’re just about to collapse, she’s on the verge of exploding, and that’s when you know that if there’s an oral sex equivalent of shin splints, they should be named after you.

Once in college I pressed my tongue against a girl so hard during oral sex that I actually sprained my jaw or something. It hurt for days. She liked it, but fortunately I have since learned how to give good head and avoid injury.

The best solution is to always pace yourself from the start and keep a steady, slow, methodical pace. When your neck, arms, or tongue begin to ache, change positions. If the cramps in your tongue become difficult, you can very gently, very slowly, work in your fingers in place of your tongue. Remember, you want to mimic your tongue, but because your fingers are much less sensitive, you run the risk of touching her too hard where your feathery tongue once was. An unpleasant jolt, if there ever was one.

Generally, I like to vary stimulation—lick this way for a while, then that way, then stop and just finger her. But when it comes to giving her an orgasm, I have to really hunker down and grind my tongue back and forth against her clitoris in one steady motion until she comes. It can take a while. Sometimes I get a tongue cramp.

Penetration and Sex Toys

It was a revelation when he first fucked me with a dildo while he was licking my clitoris. To be filled up like that, and also get my favorite clitoral stimulation from his tongue—it was like for the first time getting everything I wanted at once. I had an orgasm so powerful I think it disturbed regional weather patterns.

Penetration is one of those very intimate things that connects you with your lover like nothing else and can be an incredible turn-on for both of you. Finger or fingers, a dildo, a penis, or a vibrator all allow you a blissful moment of being extremely intimate with your lover: inside them. Many women (though not all) enjoy penetration during cunnilingus—that is, as long as you don’t stop or interrupt her clitoral tongue bath. Fingers are wonderful to penetrate with during cunnilingus. You’ll already have your hands teasing and tantalizing her, and when she’s turned on you can experiment with slowly sliding one (or two, or more if she likes it) inside while you lick. Be sure your hands are clean (read: scrubbed—no dirt or grime under the nails) and your fingernails are trimmed and filed smooth. Make sure you don’t have any tiny cuts or hangnails. The easiest thing to do is have a latex glove at the ready, or already on. Gloves also provide a firm, slippery sensation that feels absolutely delicious on wet pussies, and she can relax knowing your hands are clean.

What drives me wild is when my girlfriend puts a finger in my ass and another couple in my vagina while she licks me.

Always start with one finger and then add more, and move them in and out in a thrusting rhythm. Keep your fingers stiff and when you put them in, pay attention to the angle they naturally want to go—when you thrust, you’ll want to follow her natural curve. When penetrating her during cunnilingus the first time, try inserting the dildo, your fingers, or the vibe just a little, then ask her what she wants you to do next. Would she like thrusting, stillness, to be licked and pumped simultaneously? Think about how sexy it would be to hear her say, “I want you to fuck me with that dildo while you lick me.”

Keep in mind a few salient facts about how the vagina responds to penetration. Always thrust in and out, not up and down, side to side, or in a circle, unless you know she likes you to—anything besides an in-and-out motion tend to come off as silly, which is fine if you’re having fun. The outer areas, such as the vulva and the opening of the vagina, contain more nerve endings than the vaginal canal and respond best to touch and vibration. The inner portion, inside the canal, has fewer nerve endings near the skin’s surface and responds to feelings of fullness, pressure, and rhythm.

I like going down on my partner until she comes at least once and then fucking her right after. She’s so juicy as I slide my cock in that we don’t even need lube. I enjoy fucking her more knowing that she’s already had an orgasm. Sometimes she comes more while I’m fucking her, but only if I’ve gone down on her first.

A vibrator will feel intense (intensely good) around the clitoris, the areas of the clitoral legs, and the vaginal opening. But as far as sensation goes, the vibration won’t matter so much once it’s inside—the size, shape, and thrusting motion of the vibe will. To maximize your buzz, try to select insertable vibrators that have the vibration located at the base. Vibrators can alleviate tongue and jaw cramp too, giving you something to alternate the stimulation with. When bringing a vibe into the action, start on the lowest speed, and give her more as she asks for it. Remember to never put the vibe directly on her clit right away; always start from the sides. Using a vibrator while you lick will vibrate your tongue and mouth and may make you feel like you whole head is buzzing after a while, but it can feel fantastic to the recipient. Ah, the trade-offs!

Using a sex toy for penetration while you lick her clit may be more easily accomplished if you lick with your head at a slight angle, giving you ample room to thrust a toy with your hand. You can also hold the toy stationary while you lick, allowing her to control the stimulation with her hip movements. What you use really depends on what your lover likes in terms of penetration. Questions to answer are, Do you want the toy to be really hard (plastic), firm (silicone), or softer (jelly rubber and Cyberskin)? Long, medium, or short? Bumpy or smooth? Curved or straight? Like a penis or not? Dildos and vibrators come in rainbows of colors, a mind-boggling assortment of shapes, and a range of special-effects-worthy materials.

But what’s the difference between a dildo and a vibrator? A dildo is basically anything used for penetration that doesn’t vibrate, and you can buy them in penis shapes, whale shapes, smooth curves, or bumpy rides. Some are flared at the base—these are excellent for anal penetration and can be worn in strap-on harnesses. Vibrators come in even more shapes and sizes, with variations on speed and motion, designed for penetration or not. Dildos and vibes are generally made of hard plastic or rubber blends: jelly rubber, clear or opaque, and quite porous; Cyberskin, lifelike, and extremely porous; vinyl, in flat colors, and not porous; and silicone, in many opaque colors, completely nonporous, and sterilizable. Porous models hold bacteria, and it’s best to use these with condoms or toss them after a few uses—which is why they’re inexpensive, and silicone fetches high prices. Hard plastic and Lucite are nonporous.

There are many more variations on vibrators than dildos. Keep in mind that if you see a vibe whose shape you like but you don’t want vibration, you don’t have to ever buy batteries—always get exactly what you want in size and shape, because those are the variables you can’t change. There are also insertable and noninsertable vibrators: all insertable vibrators are on a shaft of some kind, with no openings that would allow moisture to enter and ruin moving parts. No, you won’t get shocked, but moisture would ruin your toy. Noninsertable vibrators, such as “egg” vibrators and Silver Bullets, are smaller and have cords attached. Never insert these and think you can tug on the cord to get them out—most vibes are cheaply made, and you will just yank the cord out, leaving the vibe in. Electric (plug-in) vibrators are more reliable but also more expensive, and they almost always have only two speeds. Vibrators that can be worn on fingers are fantastic for cunnilingus—you just let your fingers do the walking while you lick—but don’t insert these either. Waterproof vibes are a good option, because they can take all the juices you can throw at them and they clean up easily in the sink, with no worry about getting water in the wrong areas.

Whenever we go on a trip, I pack the Fukuoku finger vibe. I like to wear it on my finger when he goes down on me.

Some vibrators vibrate, some pulse; they can have many speeds, dials, or just one or two speeds. When in doubt, buy a vibrator with variable speeds, since a one-speed model may not necessarily be at the right speed for you or your partner; you can adjust the vibration intensity on these as you go. Japanese vibrators look the strangest, with samurai faces and little animals on them, but they’re the highest quality for the money and often have little clit ticklers at the base—fantastic for female masturbation, or for an amazing addition of anal stimulation while you penetrate and lick.

G-spot Stimulation

G-spot lore abounds. Every book written about sex that includes female sexuality mentions this fabled bulls-eye of orgasm, the “tilt” of her pudenda’s pinball machine. Many of these books, however, give erroneous information about the G-spot’s placement, existence, and ability to trigger orgasms. While the G-spot is usually spoken of with affection by aficionados, it’s in question whether these pundits are in the majority: not everyone likes the feeling of G-spot stimulation. But the women who do like it say they like it a lot.

Misinformed sex manuals aside, all women have a G-spot. The G-spot is actually the periurethral sponge, the ring of erectile tissue that surrounds the urethral opening. The periurethral sponge is where urine leaves the body, which explains why many women feel like they have to urinate when it’s massaged—this and the fact that you’re pressing on her bladder. For many this is uncomfortable, but women who orgasm from G-spot stimulation say that once you “push past” the feeling, you come like crazy. The urethral opening is found about one to two inches inside the vagina on the front wall, toward the belly button. For more details, see chapter 3, “Anatomy for Pleasure.”

The G-spot can easily be stimulated during cunnilingus, but it will respond only when she’s fully aroused. Find out if she likes G-spot stimulation or wants to try it before you even think of attempting it. When she’s aroused, the periurethral sponge swells and becomes firm to the touch, and it can respond pleasurably to rhythmic massage. Insert your fingers about one to two inches inside her vagina, and press “up,” toward her belly button. Curve your fingers, and stroke in a stiff “come hither” motion. Dildos and vibrators that are firm (hard plastic is often desirable) and have a curve at the tip are also excellent for G-spot stimulation. Don’t forget to keep licking.

More

BY ALISON TYLER

What a fucking workout. I’d pumped iron until my legs were weak and my arms felt like jelly. Sometimes, when I’ve got a lot on my mind, I try to obliterate my thoughts by exercising. Now, I was trying to reconstruct myself beneath the hot, hard spray of the shower. I stood, head down, breathing slowly, deeply, and as I rotated beneath the spray, my thoughts took a slippery trip to the woman who had put me through the hell I’d just endured.

Cleo was new to the club but not new to training. With her panther-lean body, and a hunger for making women sweat, she had pushed me to my limits. Now, as the water rained over me, the thought of her was making me hot in a whole new manner. I couldn’t help but wonder whether her gray eyes would remain that same deep unwavering iron as she put a lover through more erotic motions than the ones she had just put me through in the gym. My fantasies had their way with me, and I slipped one hand between my legs and felt, just tested, to see how aroused I was. That’s when I sensed a presence standing directly outside the smoked shower door.

“Hello?” I called out tentatively, peeking my head out to look into the dressing room. To my surprise, and excitement, it was Cleo…and she was naked, as well.

“Hey—” I started, but the words died on my lips. Cleo grinned at me, and then she climbed in the shower and turned the water back on. “What are you doing?” I asked next, even though I could easily see for myself. From the looks of things, my very personal trainer was lathering me up with a bar of the luxurious oatmeal-scented soap provided by the gym. I stared in awe as this lovely lady ran the soap over my breasts, down my flat belly, going on her knees on the porcelain floor of the shower and pressing the bar between my legs. Christ, that felt good. The hard bar of soap sliding firmly against my clit. I almost lost my balance, had to put my hands out on the wall to hold myself steady.

“Like that?” she asked.

Nodding, I closed my eyes as the hot spray from the shower rained down on the two of us, as my delectable bathing partner now replaced the bar of soap with her knowledgeable fingers.

“Watch, Tamara,” she said next, “I like it when people watch,” and I opened my eyes and looked down at her.

Her nails were short, not past the tips of her fingers, and they were painted a shiny, glossy turquoise blue, like the color of water in the deep end of the club’s swimming pool. I stared down as she pinched my clit between her thumb and forefinger, and it looked as if my clit were being captured between two sparkling gems. She moved closer then, licking between my swollen lips, kissing me with her mouth open. Letting me feel her tongue, wet and sloppy against me. Easily, she probed inside me as she moved her head back and forth, tickling me with her short, black hair.

With extreme finesse, she slid her tongue in and out of my sopping slit, and I forced myself to keep standing, my knees threatening to buckle. And fuck, she was good, expertly using her fingers, lips, tongue to take me where I needed to go. With the water pounding down on me, the wetness seeping from between my legs, I felt as if I’d arrived at some fantasy place where dreams could come true.

When the climax rocked through me, Cleo kept her mouth pressed to my pussy, drinking in the sweetness that the orgasm brought forth. It took me several moments to get myself together after coming, and during this time, Cleo sat back on her heels and looked up at me, a pleased expression on her face as if proud of a job well done. I stared at her through glazed eyes. Her body was slender, with small breasts that I could have cupped in my hands. She looked so delectable that I wanted to go on my knees on the floor and wrap her in my arms. That might have happened anyway, since my legs were still threatening to give way.

Cleo didn’t leave me long to catch my balance, wanting more. Wanting her turn. She stepped out of the shower and motioned for me to follow her. Quickly, we found the sofa in the dressing room, falling onto it in a sixty-nine, her mouth again sealed to my cunt, my tongue lapping at her clit, my hands drawing her body closer to me. We took our time, sprawled out, wet all over. Wet from the shower, and from the languid way we touched each other. Now, I needed to pay attention to what I was doing, licking and lapping at Cleo’s velvety mound of Venus, driving my tongue inside her just to hear her moan.

She mimicked me, playing with my pussy in the same way that I took care of her. Then upping the intensity by adding a new move, letting me mirror her. I slid one finger inside her cunt, then two, crossing my fingers inside her so that she would feel filled by them.

“More,” she said, her request half a moan, half a sigh.

I immediately slid a third finger into her, then a fourth. She was hungry, swallowing me up, and I rocked my hand back and forth, stroking the inner walls of her cunt with my curled fingers, pressing in deep. She leaned her head back and said, “That is so fucking good. Don’t stop.” Her body arched as the vibrations worked through her. I didn’t stop until the contractions had subsided, and she lay back on the sofa and stared up at the ceiling.

And then she said the one word that started us all over again.

“More—”

CHAPTER 9

Tricks or Treats: Advanced Techniques

We so often think of any given sex act as the “main course,” but, if we are so inclined, we can dine on a sequence of main courses, stretching our appetites out over many savory dishes. Learning to think this way turns regular sex into extended lovemaking, and getting off into multiple orgasms. By adding a variety of advanced techniques to your cunnilingus sessions, you can make pleasure last for hours and enjoy the ebb and flow of orgasm.

Erotic Pressure Points

Touching your partner in specific areas while you’re going down on her releases blocked sexual tension, increases her excitement and blood flow to the genital area, and can make orgasm much more powerful than usual. Several centuries ago, Chinese doctors concluded that certain points in the body held muscular tension that could accumulate and block the normal flow of circulation of energy. These points, acupuncture or acupressure points, corresponded to physical ailments, and the doctors discovered that releasing tension through pressure on the blocked areas was medically therapeutic. They also discovered a range of erotic techniques.

Pressing acupressure points acts like a concentrated massage, releasing muscular tension and toxins held in the muscle, allowing blood and sensation to flow freely to the area. Increased circulation means increased feeling and responsiveness, which adds new dimensions of pleasure to cunnilingus.

You can activate pressure points by touching them in various ways—kissing, licking, caressing, sucking, kneading, and massaging—but the most effective way is to hold the point (or points) firmly with the pads of your fingers. Some points will be more sensitive than others; you should avoid pressing directly on the high ridges of bones. Your nails should be short, and you should apply a gradual, slow, and direct pressure. If the skin is pulling, lift up and reapply pressure directly to the point, as if you were pressing straight in. Hold each point for no more than five minutes at a time, and encourage her to breathe deeply as you press. Incorporate them at any stage during oral sex.

Points for increasing Sexual Energy and Awareness

The following three points are located on the mons veneris at the top edge of the pubic bone, in the center (if you need an anatomy refresher, see chapter 3, “Anatomy for Pleasure”). Pressing them produces a warm, pleasant sensation and focuses energy and awareness on the entire clitoral system. This is great for helping her concentrate on arousal.

HEIGHTENING SENSITIVITY

On the inside of the upper thigh, right at the crease where the thigh meets the body in front, are six points that heighten pleasurable sensitivity and awareness. They amplify any genital pleasure you are providing.

Illustration 13. Heightening Sensitivity

ENHANCING ORGASM

You can apply pressure directly on the perineum to make orgasms more intense. This increases blood flow to the genital area and is beneficial to all reproductive and pleasure organs.

Illustration 14. Enhancing Orgasm

INCREASING PLEASURE

These additional points on the base of the spine increase pleasure during oral sex and can be added to your erotic pressure point repertoire.

Illustration 15. Increasing Pleasure

In general, applying pressure to the vulva with the flat of your hand or flattened fingertips feels great, because you’re stimulating the entire clitoral system. You can also rub the mons while you lick, or massage it in a circular motion, press it, or gently pull on it. Using genital massage techniques to begin or end a sexual activity, or to transition to another one, can turn a bout of sex into a decadent encounter—use your imagination and these points as your guide.

Fire and Ice

The sensations of heat and cold are remarkable in oral sex. Imagine a hot, wet mouth enveloping your genitals, licking and squeezing and radiating heat. Or a cool mouth caressing and rubbing you when you’re so hot you’re already at the melting point. That’s the idea—using heat and coolness to prolong and increase arousal, or to turn up temperatures that are already in the triple digits.

You can bring temperature play into cunnilingus at any point when you want to tease or turn up the volume, though it’s more effective in the earlier stages of licking, before you get an orgasm-inducing rhythm going. There are two ways to go about it: applying the sensation to her directly, or changing the temperature of your mouth.

Direct Application

• Have a warm or cool washrag prepared in a bowl of warm or iced water at the bedside: pause your licking for a moment and apply the washrag, then continue. Make sure that a hot washrag isn’t too hot, or it will burn—discreetly test it on the thin skin of your wrist first. If you’re using an ice water compress, your tongue will feel hot and delicious on her cool clit.

• Set a bowl of ice cubes next to you, select one, and draw on her nipples, stomach, and outer lips, and all over her vulva. You can insert them in her vagina, but this may not get an overwhelming response. If you do, make sure they’re small cubes so they don’t burn the delicate skin of her vagina.

• In warm water, have a number of items heated and ready: dildos, waterproof vibrators, vegetables. You can also pull a teabag out of a not-too-hot cup of tea and massage her clit with it.

Changing the Temperature of Your Mouth

• From that bowl or cup of ice, put one in your mouth to cool down your tongue and lips.

• An iced or hot drink will change the temperature of your mouth perfectly—you’ll know if it’s too hot or cool because it will be uncomfortable for you, too. Pause while licking and take a mouthful of the beverage; swish and swirl it around your mouth for a minute, then swallow. Continue licking until you feel the temperature change, then repeat as necessary.

Cool and Tingling Sensations

When you pop a breath mint or a cough drop in your mouth, sometimes it feels like your entire oral cavity has the Arctic wind whistling through it, and that’s not always an unpleasant feeling. Now, imagine that feeling on aroused genitalia, the coolness mixing with the arousing, teasing strokes of a tongue. The feeling isn’t for everyone—it can get pretty intense and feel too much like heat—but once some women try it they like it a lot, so it’s worth experimenting with to see if you can add it to your cunnilingus pleasure kit.

Menthol and mint cough drops and breath mints are amazing sex toys that are available next to practically every checkout counter. Try to find lozenges with both menthol and mint (they’re the strongest), and be sure to get sugar-free versions to avoid irritating her vaginal ecosystem. During oral play, put one in your mouth and swish it around to activate it and soften the corners—should the corner scrape her vulva, your experience will turn from delicious to disastrous. When you’re good and mentholated, slip the lozenge between your cheek and gums. Putting it under your tongue will make it pop out, and trying to rest it on the back of your tongue while you lick could make you choke on it, so don’t do either of those. Your licking will transfer the effects to her vulva after just a minute, and you can also take the lozenge and rub her with it. Use mint and menthol on external genitalia only, please, such as nipples, vulva, or the outside of the anus. Insertion can have unwanted effects, such as bladder infections, and you should never insert anything into the anus that goes all the way in and disappears—even if you think it will dissolve (see the “Anal Penetration” section later in this chapter). Add to the icy sensations by blowing softly on her vulva—and remember, no puffs of air inside.

A Little Pain

When we cycle through sexual arousal, we are awash with wave after wave of sensory information. Actually, like the old commercial said, we’re soaking in it. When seduction begins and our grasp on arousal is a little more tenuous, small sensations speak volumes. But when everything’s swollen and expectantly engorged and wet, caressing gives way to grabbing, nibbling to pinching , and sometimes, pleasure mingles with pain for what some people call bliss.

Intense sensations during sex are to be negotiated beforehand. Consult chapter 6, “Cunning Linguistics,” for suggestions on communication and the book suggestions in chapter 10, “Independent Study,” for guidance.

There are many ways to turn up the pleasure/pain volume during cunnilingus. The outer labia respond most pleasurably to strong sensations, so they are a good place to start. You can break from your licking to administer a series of spanks to her entire vulva; light, then gradually heavier—remember to give her almost what she wants, then a little more. Rough sucking and light bites on the outer labia don’t require much of a pause from the activity, and you can apply steady pinching pressure to them with just your fingers.

Little clamps and clips can be employed to intensify pinching sensations. They can be bought practically anywhere, from an S/M boutique to a stationary store. They should always be tested on your sensitive inner arm before your encounter, because looks are deceiving and they can feel way more painful than they look. Also, this will help you to understand the pain cycle of clips and clamps: they hurt going on, and they hurt much more coming off. The beauty of clips is that you can time this intensity with her orgasm. However, what I really like about them is that when you put them in a vertical line up either side of the outer labia, they hold the labia open and give complete access to a wide-open vulva. Make sure that the ends of any metal clamps are padded or encased in rubber, and that any clips you use do not have teeth. Nipple clamps often have a way to adjust the pressure, such as tweezers that have a slide ring, or alligator clamps that have a tightening screw. These are fun because you can vary the pressure on whatever part of her vulva you have clamped—for instance, you can increase pressure by tiny increments as arousal increases. Limit the time you keep the clips on; you should take them off after fifteen to thirty minutes to avoid tissue damage.

Clips and clamps come in a variety of shapes and sizes, and they mostly look like they came from the office supply store—which they can, though to be sure they’re okay to use on someone’s skin, buy them from sex toy shops or S/M boutiques. Small clips are usually plastic with a spring that you pinch open, though you can also find metal versions, and even though they are small they can be pretty mean, because they concentrate the pain on one small area. Medium to larger clips can be plastic or metal, even similar to the clips you’d use to keep a bag of potato chips fresh; wooden, plastic, and specialty metal clothespins also fall into this category. Clothespins are intense—be sure to always test each clothespin before you use it, because they will have different intensities depending on how tight the spring is. You can lessen the pinch by forcing the spring open slightly with a pair of pliers.

A Lot of Pain

It goes without saying that if you and the woman you’re going down on find that playing with pain during cunnilingus increases her arousal, makes her orgasms that much more earth-shaking, or is just a total turn-on for both of you, you might want to turn up the volume on any of the previously mentioned suggestions. A simple pussy-slapping in between licks can turn into an all-out spanking, with stingy slaps landing on her mons, either of her outer labia, or the whole surface of her vulva—with her legs fastened securely apart if you like. Up the ante, and bring in a leather or rubber slapper—again available at S/M boutiques or higher-end sex toy stores. Give her head until she’s relaxed and building arousal, then begin a rapid or slow series of thwacks, then back to pleasure. You can also use a small or medium-sized flogger to the same effect. Be sure to use a smaller toy that keeps you close for more cunnilingus, and keep an eye on where the tips of the whip land; the tips hurt the most, so you’ll want to keep them on padded areas such as the outer lips and mons.

You can do much more with clips than just putting them on and taking them off. When the clips are on and you’re licking her, you can give her intense bursts of pain (and remind her the clips are still there) by merely touching the clips, pulling on the skin surrounding them, or even flicking them with your fingers. Pulling and twisting them hurts a lot, too. You don’t have to confine your application to the outer labia; the inner labia and clitoris are open game if she’s up for it, and licking around and on the clips can elicit a desirable response. Wrap rubber bands around larger clips such as clothespins to make them tighter, or to pull several together. Lay a piece of soft, thin cotton or nylon rope along her outer labia, and put the clips on in a line over it: to remove the clips pull on one end of the rope, like a zipper—ouch! You could also rig the rope and clips to hang a small fishing weight from them; these are available where fishing supplies are sold.

A particularly painful device is the pinwheel, also available at S/M stores. This is the same device that doctors roll over the sole of your foot to determine your nerve response, and it consists of an 8-inch handle, with a small stainless steel rolling wheel at one end that has very sharp pin pricks. When the wheel is rolled lightly over skin, it leaves a trail of sharp pain and a fiery sensation in its wake. This small menace is handy for use during cunnilingus, but be sure to roll the wheel lightly to avoid piercing the skin too deeply—and one to a partner, please, unless you have access to hospital sterilization. This is not recommended for use on the thin skin of the inner labia or clit.

Exercising Restraint

You don’t have to be “into” bondage to appreciate the delicious torment of receiving oral sex while having your hands tied—but if you are, you probably know how hot it is, from both sides of the rope. If your gal asks you to tie her up, and you have talked about what she’d like you to do, going down on her when she’s in such a helpless state may give her the most powerful orgasms she’s ever had. Conversely, for someone receiving cunnilingus, tying up your partner, sitting on their face, and “making” them do it allows the helpless “victim” to give in to their feelings of being used for a woman’s pleasure—which drives some people wild.

In other parts of this book, I’ve touched briefly on master/slave and dominant/submissive contexts for cunnilingus. Oral sex is uniquely flexible in this context: the recipient may find that forcing or ordering her partner to perform cunnilingus enhances her role as a domme or femme top, or the reverse may be true. This type of role play makes cunnilingus all the sweeter with its mixture of power and devotion. Conversely, as a giver of cunnilingus, going down on her may be a pleasure you dole out as a dominant, only as a reward, or it can be used as exquisite torture, in which you give her only a little and never enough. Her submissiveness may allow her the chance to sink back and let go while you lick her, finally giving up control to have an experience that makes her feel “done.” Or you may find that being her willing oral slave, taking commands on where and when to lick, is a huge turn-on for both of you.

Sometimes when I’m going down on her, I feel incredibly dominant, like I’m forcing her to feel this pleasure, like I’m invading her with my tongue, exploring all the places she wants to keep private. Other times, I feel submissive, like I’m servicing her in the most intimate way possible, giving myself over completely to her demands. Either fantasy can be a huge turn-on!

I go into an altered state of bliss which involves both service and command.

A blindfold on the receiving partner only adds to the erotic intensity of feeling that she’s under your control. With her sense of sight eliminated, she’s forced to rely on her other senses, heightening all incoming stimuli—and she has to rely on you for direction. Plus, she can’t see what you’re up to, which simultaneously makes you more comfortable and her more unsteady. It’s always best to use a store-bought blindfold from a sex toy retailer, rather than improvise with ties, scarves, or silky undergarments. Why? Because blindfolds made specifically for sex fit better, restrict sight reliably, and are either adjustable or have an elastic band for the comfort of the wearer. Things you tie yourself run the risk of being painfully tight, uncomfortable, or too loose, which could make them slip and come off. You don’t want to leave her with a headache and blurry vision; you want her needing more of what you have to offer.

You can blindfold her at any point, though some would argue that the sooner the games begin, the better. Try blindfolding her at the very beginning, and then proceed with your lovemaking as usual, even stripping her clothes off for her and making it all last as long as you can before you go down on her. Or, tell her that at some point, a point that you will determine, you will blindfold her and she will be under your control. If you’ve agreed on it, tie her up blindfolded and go down on her fully bound and blind. It’s a lot of fun to watch her respond to cunnilingus unself-consciously. You can also play around with varying sensations, as described earlier in this chapter and in the blindfold game in chapter 6, “Cunning Linguistics.”

Some need that emotional safety, but others “get off” on the power, so feeling safe isn’t in the equation at all.

Rimming

I love rimming—there’s something so naughty about it, so violently anti-bourgeois. It’s putting your mouth where you’re absolutely not supposed to put it. I think I also enjoy the fact that there’s a risk associated with it—knowing I’m pushing the envelope of what’s safe carries a charge I’m not always proud to say I feel. But I enjoy it nonetheless.

Rimming, or analingus, is kissing, caressing, or penetrating your lover’s anal opening with your tongue. For folks who enjoy it, rimming is a delicious experience, on both the giving and the receiving end. Some say there is nothing as arousing as having their lover’s hot, wet tongue and lips give them pleasure in such an incredibly intimate place, and those who love to give it find the experience equally arousing. Also, the feeling of doing something taboo or “dirty” heightens the experience for some. Because the anus is packed with sensitive nerve endings, rimming can be all it takes to push someone over the orgasmic edge. For them, the charge is an unparalleled erotic spark.

Rimming can add a new spectrum of pleasure to the sexual experience. A cunnilingus session can include delicate licks and flutters of the tongue on and around the anus, and rimming can be a great introduction to the sensation of anal penetration. For women who enjoy anal penetration, this is a delicious tease for the main course to come, and for those who aren’t sure about penetration, rimming allows you to comfortably try out the sensation of anal stimulation to see if she might like it.

The first time I got rimmed I came so hard I almost screamed. That really impressed upon me how incredible a rim job can feel, and I started enjoying doing it almost as much as I love eating pussy!

The easiest position for rimming is doggie-style, with the rim-ee on all fours. This way you can gently spread her cheeks with your hands and see everything clearly as you lick, stroke, and caress her anus. If she has a lot of hair down there, this position is optimal for parting the furry seas—and if this notion makes you uncomfortable, let it be known that everyone has hair down there. If you do not naturally have hair around your anus, you are either a) too young to be reading this, b) shaving or waxing it, or c) a genetic anomaly. Doggie-style licking is ideal because it also provides a fantastic rear view of her exposed vulva, which you can squeeze, rub, and massage as you lick.

When rimming, be especially careful to avoid getting bacteria from her anus on her vulva or in her vaginal opening. It’s really tempting to go from the anus to the vagina or to go back and forth from her clit to her butt; however, these activities are absolutely off the menu. Bacteria from the anus—even a clean anus—will give her a very nasty infection. If you want to combine both activities, incorporate the use of barriers such as dams, plastic wrap, or cut-open condoms. If you want to switch from rimming to cunnilingus and you aren’t using a barrier, first get up, wash your face around your lips, and rinse with a mouthwash that kills bacteria.

With the anus in full view, gently kiss and lick her cheeks as they slope inward toward the opening. Work your way closer into the furrow, taking your time to let her get used to the sensation—or to tease her if you know she likes it. You can make first contact in various ways:

• Lick the entire furrow from top to bottom as you would an ice-cream cone, with a big, flat tongue.

• With softened lips, kiss it directly, over and over.

• Press your flattened tongue against the opening and hold it, then slowly start to move it in up and down, or give her an in-and-out massage.

• With the very tip of your tongue, lightly lick in a ring around the rim of the opening—“rimming” her.

You can start with one of these techniques and then try them all out to see what she likes. When you find something that makes her moan, groan, and push her butt in your face, stay with it for a few minutes. Gradually, work your tongue into a rhythm with a short, firm lick. Continue the beat for a while: this should get her pretty aroused. If you decide you want to go a step further, begin darting your tongue in as you lick, graduating to what’s called “tongue-fucking.” Moan your appreciation and see how she responds—moaning vibrates your tongue like a vibrator.

A woman with lower back pain or mobility issues can simulate the doggie position by lying on her stomach with pillows under her hips, comfortably raising her butt for optimal licking. Having her lie stomach-up with pillows under her butt is also an option, though you have to spread her legs quite wide for access—try putting her knees to her chest and have her hold her legs under the knees. Lying on her back with legs spread wide and pillows under her knees can also help ease strain. Lying sideways might be comfortable, too; she’ll want to put a pillow between her legs for her lower back, and the pillow will also serve to keep her legs slightly spread—though she may eventually end up more on her stomach or her back as you push your face into her.

Cleanliness is the number one concern for rimmers and rim-ees alike. Taking a nice long shower or bath beforehand is always recommended, and you can bathe together to make it part of the seduction. If your partner is reluctant because of cleanliness issues, begin rimming in the shower, where you’ll both make everything squeaky clean. Women who are comfortable with enemas can take one before showering and know they’re clean from the inside-out (though you should still be cautious about spreading bacteria from anus to vagina).

As long as it’s clean, the anus doesn’t taste bad at all—it’s a little musky, something a little similar to a vagina but not as strong. Women who enjoy rimming, in my experience, tend to REALLY enjoy it—possibly because not everyone is willing to go there!

Though rimming is certainly enjoyable, it isn’t a very safe activity. Unprotected, it can transmit hepatitis A, anal herpes, anal warts, and possibly viruses such as HIV. Always use a barrier for rimming—but if you insist on barrier-free rimming, get a hepatitis A shot. If one of you has a viral STD, such as herpes, HPV, hepatitis C, or HIV, safer-sex practices are necessary—required—to prevent transmission, especially if you have a cut or bite in your mouth. The risk is greatly increased for both partners if you have recently brushed or flossed your teeth; both activities cause tiny cuts and bleeding in your mouth.

For barriers, use dental dams, plastic wrap, or cut-open condoms, and incorporate the use of gloves and finger cots liberally. See chapter 4, “Health Considerations,” for detailed information on barriers.

Flavored lubricants are an option for people who want to try rimming but shudder at the notion of tasting their lover’s natural flavors. However, they come with several caveats. Flavored lubes taste awful, even the lime, kiwi, or piña colada versions. They’re packed with sugar and are not an option for diabetics or people who don’t tolerate the effects of sugar very well. And you want to be sure not to let these lubes drip onto her pussy, because the sugars will stir up a yeast infection if she is even slightly prone to them. But they do their job somewhat well, transforming the eager anus into an artificially-raspberry-smelling orifice; just be sure to never, ever purchase lubes that advertise “anal ease.” These lubes contain numbing agents, such as benzocaine, which diminish sensation and will leave you with a numb tongue. They’re manufactured by an industry that believes anal penetration of any kind is painful, when in reality, it isn’t painful if you do it right. If it hurts, then something’s wrong, and you don’t want to mask important signals the body might be trying to send. Besides, who wants a numb butt?

When we pretend she’s forcing me to rim her, I lose it. I can come that way barely even touching myself.

Anal Penetration

Cunnilingus affords a perfect vantage point for bringing anal play into the picture—we’re already there, all rosy cheeks and smiles. Anal penetration isn’t for everyone, so be sure to cover the topic with her before you start lavishing your affections on, and inserting your fingers in, her butt. So, how do you add anal penetration to oral sex and make it pleasurable? Follow the three golden rules: go very slowly, listen to the person you’re penetrating, and use lots of lube.

Always introduce anal stimulation when you know she’s aroused; otherwise, it may provide too much stimulation before she’s ready. With the flat of your finger, or fingers, press lightly on the opening, and hold your finger there. Increase your pressure a little, massaging and pressing in circular motions. Go very slowly, and listen to her cues or instructions—for some, simply having their anus touched is all it takes to push them over the edge. Use plenty of lubrication. Don’t rely on saliva at all—although in porn films they make it look like that’s enough, in reality they have used anal suppositories and numerous applications of lube. Use a thick, water-based lubricant.

Move your flattened fingers in a circular motion, and begin experimenting with penetration by pressing one well-lubed finger at the base of the opening (toward her tailbone). Make sure that you took extra care beforehand to clip your fingernails down and file them totally smooth, or use a latex glove or finger cot to make your finger a perfectly smooth surface. Massage the opening’s base, and ask her if she wants you to go farther. Slowly slide your finger in up to the first joint (about an inch), and hold it there for a few breaths. You’ll feel the ring of muscles around her opening squeeze and contract—just stay still as they relax.

When you feel the muscles relax, slide your finger in slowly a little bit more, and back out, doing a gentle in and out, not all the way in yet. Once again, this may be all it takes for her to come, or to decide that it’s not what she wants right now. If she does like it, you can follow her directions and body language from here to progress to more stimulation. You can go deeper and faster, or even add more fingers—but the rule of thumb is to do everything so slowly that you can practically feel the seasons changing around you. Anal penetration hurts when you go too fast, you don’t use enough lube, the recipient isn’t relaxed, or she doesn’t really want to be doing it.

If she desires, spice things up by penetrating her simultaneously in her anus and vagina. This works best with your index (pointing) finger in her butt and your thumb in her vagina. If you want to be spontaneous and go from anus to vagina, or anus to anywhere, wear two gloves on one hand, and pull one off when you switch activities.

Once she’s anally warmed up and ready for more penetration, you can bring anal sex toys into the picture. Sex toys used for anal penetration must have a flared base, meaning a base that prevents them from being pulled into the anal canal, where they can get lost—a nightmare waiting to happen. The sphincter muscles have minds of their own and like to squeeze and contract at will; we cannot control them. This serves to push and pull things in and out of the anus, and once something gets pulled in, there’s no guarantee you’re going to get it out without a trip to the hospital—which is what you’d have to do to prevent serous injury if, say, a hot, battery-powered vibrator went AWOL. Take a look at a standard butt plug and you’ll see exactly what a flared base should look like. Buy toys that are safe for anal use, and don’t get cute with carrots.

Vibrators can feel fantastic on the ass during cunnilingus, and you can tease and penetrate while you lick. Squirt liberal amounts of lube on any toy you use, and reapply frequently. You also can fuck the daylights out of her anally with a dildo she likes. Or, insert a butt plug and keep it in place while you lick and bring her to orgasm; just don’t leave it in for extended periods or it will get downright uncomfortable. Chances are good that her PC muscles will squeeze the plug out before she orgasms; you can hold it in place with your hand. It can also get forced out during orgasm, which is an okay way to remove it. But if it’s big and stays in place, after she comes ask her to take a few deep breaths and let her know you are going to remove the plug on an exhale—then remove it on the second or third exhale.

Extreme Sports

One of the things we humans like to do is up the ante—whether it’s in gambling, love, pain, or pleasure. The edges of sexual expression traffic in the question of more as a rule, and this is where we’ll find some curious, intense, and deeply pleasurable ways to turn up the volume in our cunnilingus encounters.

Clit Pumping

Clit pumping is a technique employed to enlarge the clitoris gradually with gentle suction, thus creating an engorged and highly sensitive organ that contains a lot more surface area for your mouth to explore. Actually, the term clit pumping is a misnomer: when swollen, the glans clitoris retreats and flattens against the pubic bone, while the hood of the clit is what’s pumped into plumpness.

Pumps that can be used for clits are available on the sex toy market in ever-increasing numbers. Some toy manufacturers make small pumps marketed specifically for clitoral use, though you can also use pumps made for nipples. These smaller pumps come in two basic styles: a hard plastic cylinder with a detachable hose, a pressure-release valve, and a squeeze bulb (usually sold separately); or an all-in-one unit with a hard plastic cylinder (or flexible rubber cup), hose, and squeeze bulb. Not all of the all-in-one units have a valve, and these toys sometimes come in fruity colors or have vibrators attached.

Clit pumping for pleasure is simple and can be a lot of fun. It helps to have a smooth, hairless surface around her clit if you have a cylinder larger than the area just around the base of the clit, and an oil-based lube is recommended to help create an airtight seal. Just be sure that you don’t use oil if you’ll use latex dams or condoms later, and because you’re pumping for cunnilingual enhancement, use an unflavored oil such as sweet almond or olive.

Place the pump on her clit so the seal settles around the base. Twist the valve closed, and give a gentle squeeze. The air in the pump is pulled out, creating a pulling sensation and bringing blood rushing to her clit. Wait for a minute, and see how she likes the sensation. Squeeze again, and wait. Her clit should look bigger now, and her pussy might be starting to throb pleasurably. However, not all women like the way pumps feel, and you should stop if she feels discomfort or pain at any time. Give a third squeeze, and stop for a few minutes. Now is a terrific time to lick her pussy, all over and around the pump that’s attached to her clit. You can leave the pump on safely for up to five to ten minutes, but never leave a pump on any body part for more longer than that, or you could break capillaries and damage nerve endings (somewhat like what happens with a hickey, but not as cute). And don’t overdo: two or three times in an evening is enough stress on delicate tissues.

When the pump comes off, she’ll feel a rush of sensation to her clit, and it will be very sensitive to everything—a gentle breeze, your lips, your tongue. Play around with her heightened state, and have fun.

Water Sports

Water sports aren’t just for posh resorts. In sex terminology, water sports is the catch-all phrase for any activity that involves urination. If you’re offended or disgusted, skip to the hot story at the end of this chapter, but if you’re curious, read on.

Peeing on someone during sex play can be done in a number of contexts: a dominant/submissive scenario, an exploration of kink, a desire for unusual sensation, or a fetish. Enhancing a cunnilingus experience with water sports might involve the oral sex recipient releasing a stream before or after you go down on her, or while you are licking her. Some women enjoy the sensation of peeing when aroused or close to orgasm; for others it’s difficult to relax or potentially embarrassing—two cases in which a dominant partner can have some fun. Needless to say, this is a practice only for fluid-bonded partners.

You can order her to pee immediately, or have her pee and stop on command. Or if you simply want your face bathed, you can do that, too. If you’re comfortable with it, she can urinate into your mouth while you lick as part of her—or your—submissiveness. While drinking urine won’t make you ill, it’s not recommended that you drink it—it is waste liquid and so not really a healthful drink. But licking her clean after a pee is just fine, even quite sexy, and some partners may express delight at having a “job” to do.

The Party

BY ALISON TYLER

Carrie put her hand on my arm as she made her way through the party. Just that light touch, almost a tickle, made me turn and watch her move through the crowd. And in that second, I wanted more.

Yes, we’d met several times in the past. We’d been at the same cook-outs, the same outdoor concerts, the same beach parties, each of us knowing different friends within the core group. But now, I wanted to learn more about her, and it was all because of that single, whisper-soft touch. Trying not to look like a stalker, I followed her through the room. She sensed my presence, and my interest, immediately, looking over her shoulder at me. Winking and then nodding her sweetly sharp chin upward.

I raised my eyebrows at her. What exactly did “up” mean?

She parted her lips, and I saw the glint of the metal piercing on her tongue. “Follow me,” she mouthed silently. As it was what I was already doing, I simply continued, my eyes on her lithe body as I walked behind her up the stairs at the back of the house. Up to a series of empty bedrooms. We chose the first, undressing as soon as she shut and locked the door behind us, falling into the bed in our haste. Then we were on each other. Hands exploring. Tongues testing.

I’d like to say that we spent hours on foreplay, but we didn’t. We got down to serious business right away. After all, we didn’t know when we’d be interrupted. Still, I took my time, teasing her, pleasing her, memorizing the curves and valleys of her body.

Carrie twisted her fingers through my long, dark hair, stroking it, and she sighed and whispered nonsense words that sounded like music. My new lover liked what I was doing. I could tell. Encouraged, I pressed my lips against a pussy that had a musky scent of real life to it. Not the antiseptic flavor of an overly douched cunt. Not the floral nonsense you read about in romance novels. Nobody smells like lavender. Nobody tastes like rose petals. People have real smells and flavors, and that’s what makes them sexy.

This lovely vixen had a scent that was tinted with the smell of body lotion but tasted of honest, warm skin beneath it. Her wetness lingered on my lips and on my tongue. I lapped at her, thrust my tongue deep inside her, felt the inner ridges of her body. But before I could get her off, she pushed me back on the bed and swiveled over me, positioning herself with her mouth over my sex and her pussy poised just before my lips. Again, I opened my mouth to taste her, but this time, as soon as my tongue connected with her skin, I felt her tongue probing me down below, echoing my actions.

The silver metal ball in the center of her tongue tapped against my clit. This sensation sent a surge of pleasure through me. Concentric circles started in my pussy and radiated out to the tips of my fingers and toes, like ripples in a lake moving outward toward the shore. It was delicious, how she used the metal ball to start me up, following with the flat of her tongue like a tool to tickle my nether lips, to probe between them. I didn’t stop making spirals with my own tongue, but I began to buck against my lover’s mouth as she worked me.

Carrie knew what she was doing. She made the same circles with her tongue that I make with my fingers whenever I climax solo. Even better than what she was doing with her tongue was her steady monologue. While she worked me, she continued to murmur those nonsense words, saying, “my sweet girl,” and “that’s right, pretty thing,” and “come on, baby.”

Her voice sent vibrations swelling throughout my whole body, echoing and reechoing. This was intense, hearing her voice as I felt it, and soon, I was coming, my inner muscles rapidly contracting, pulling in hard and fast. Knowingly, she slid two fingers up inside my cunt and let me squeeze and release them while I climaxed. I tightened on her fingers, spasms building and receding while my breathing caught in my chest, until I was leaning up in the bed, pulling her body harder against mine. She came a moment later, as if spurred on by my pleasure, and I felt the tremors silently wash through her until once again she was still.

I thought we’d take a break then. Roll languidly in the rumpled sheets. Trace our fingers over each other’s bodies. Relax and remember how to breathe once again. She had other plans.

In the hazy darkness, she rolled me over, and then I felt her hands parting my rear cheeks, her lips meeting my peachlike split. Kissing me there. Licking me. I closed my eyes tight at the decadent sensation as she spread my heart-shaped cheeks even wider apart, stretching me open. Air touched the wet places she’d kissed, and I shivered. Each move she made back there sent new waves of pleasure through my pussy. And then I felt that metal ball come into play as her tongue thrust into my asshole.

The silvery ball stroked me inside as her tongue went in deep. I moaned out loud, couldn’t help it, and brought one hand down beneath my body, stroking my clit as she continued to tongue-fuck my ass. Nothing had ever felt that extreme. My pussy pulsed and twitched, my heart raced, and soon, too soon, I was coming again. Shaking the bed. My lover held onto my waist with her hands, keeping me steady as she licked my hole through the orgasm.

Extending it. Stretching it. Taking me to places I hadn’t known existed outside of fantasies, and making them real.

CHAPTER 10

Independent Study: Erotic Books and Videos

Not only can you find plenty of inspiration in salacious books and explicit videos—they also make fantastic sex toys. You can give a lover a book or video to peruse on their own, or you can read a book aloud as they masturbate. Better yet, put the woman you’re going down on in the driver’s seat, reading the book or watching the TV screen, and add to the excitement while she’s occupied. I’m going to suggest many different books and videos, and while they may not be for everyone, they’re the cream of the crop, and they deliver the goods when it comes to turning folks on and getting them off. Combine your preferences with these suggestions to make your decisions and find what’s hot for you.

Recommended Reading

Today’s selection of erotica is of unlimited scope, and there are many terrific authors and collections to choose from. Most women-focused erotica is written by women, and the stories center around the female characters and their pleasure—bettering your chances of finding something you and she will like, and having the stories contain cunnilingus scenes.

Black Lace is a British series by women, for women, with oodles of novels that are like romance novels with very explicit sex. They are almost exclusively heterosexually oriented, and you’ll find only a couple of short story collections in their roster, so they’re good if you’re looking for a long book you can sink your teeth into. In publisher Blue Moon’s books, you’ll find male and female authors, as well as Victorian erotica collections. Victorian erotica often contains things we consider taboo, such as incest, and cunnilingus scenes are few and far between. As for Blue Moon fiction, the quality can be sketchy. The Best Women’s Erotica series is a combination heterosexual and lesbian anthology of short stories by and for women that comes out yearly, with an always-changing lineup of the best stories the genre produced in a given year. Herotica is the yearly women-produced, women-focused anthology series that pioneered the for-women field, and they have yearly editions as well. Both series contain explicit sex scenes, yet both have distinctively different flavors in their selections—thumb through them and gauge your response.

Best Lesbian Erotica is also a best-of yearly series but with only lesbian stories, and it smartly covers the spectrum and variations embodied in the many permutations of queer identity. It’s a lot more true than most to the modern realities of lesbian sex, so if you’re looking for cunnilingus in standard depictions of femme-on-femme erotica, you might want to look to books published by Black Lace. Best of the Best Lesbian Erotica is just that: it never fails to be a good investment, because the stories are always excellent and interesting. Best Bisexual Women’s Erotica is an anthology series that features stories written by and for bisexual women. The stories feature women who have sex with both men and women and who identify as straight, lesbian, or bisexual, or don’t identify as anything; these stories introduce us to the sexual realities of bisexual women and the heat of bi sex.

Here are my top ten favorite lesbian and heterosexual cunnilingus short stories in contemporary erotica:

Lesbian

If You Can Make it Here, You Can Make it Anywhere, by A. J. Stone. In Best Lesbian Erotica 2001, edited by Tristan Taormino (Cleis Press, 2000).

Lovely Work, by Louye. In Awakening the Virgin: True Tales of Seduction edited by Nicole Foster (Alyson Publications, 1998).

My Heart Told Me, by Rebecca Faurer. In Awakening the Virgin: True Tales of Seduction, edited by Nicole Foster (Alyson Publications, 1998).

Riding the Silver Meteor, by Marcy Sheiner. In Electric: Best Lesbian Erotic Fiction, edited by Nicole Foster (Alyson Publications, 1999).

The Touch of Reality, by Jeannie Sullivan. In Best Lesbian Erotica 2000, edited by Tristan Taormino (Cleis Press, 1999).

Water Music, by Elspeth Potter. In Best Lesbian Erotica 2001, edited by Tristan Taormino (Cleis Press, 2000).

Heterosexual/Mixed Orientation

And Early to Rise, by Hanne Blank. In Best American Erotica 2001, edited by Susie Bright (Touchstone Books, 2001).

Cast of Three, by Emilie Paris. In Sweet Life: Erotic Fantasies for Couples, edited by Violet Blue (Cleis Press, 2001).

Fish Curry Rice, by Ginn Kamani. In Best American Erotica 2000, edited by Susie Bright (Touchstone Books, 2000).

Pure Porn, by Dion Farquhar. In The Mammoth Book of Erotica, edited by Maxim Jakubowski (Carroll & Graf, 2000).

Snooping, by Laurel Fisher. In Herotica 6, edited by Marcy Sheiner (Down There Press, 1999).

Sex Guides

Sex guides are a horse of a different stripe. Lots of them come out every year, and while some look fine at the starting gate, many are fatally handicapped. On the negative side, they can be judgmental about preferences, fetishes, and orientations, or they can be ill-informed and contain inaccurate sex information. Good guides inform and don’t sacrifice integrity for entertainment. I also don’t like sex guides that don’t have any substance and seem like picture books combined with New Age poetry. What’s worse are guides whose tone toward women puts you off—be they written by men or women who must elevate or denigrate female sexuality to make it palatable, or use instant-gratification sports terms. Put the tired old sexist attitudes out to pasture, please.

When buying a sex guide, take a good look at it first. Do you like the tone, or is it too dry or condescending? See when it was published and if it’s been revised recently (within the past five years) to reflect current information. Try to look something up: Is the information easy to find? Does it have substance that you can use in a practical situation? Look up something nonmainstream such as S/M to see if the book has a judgmental attitude toward it—even if the practice isn’t for you, the author’s sex-negative attitudes may hinder your exploration of other areas you might be interested in. And finally, does it have illustrations or pictures? You’ll need them, so make sure they’re there.

Most overall sex guides have very tiny, sadly superficial treatments of cunnilingus—you get the feeling that they just didn’t know what to say. But it is possible to find some great sex books to extend your sexual scope that will tie into your cunnilingual expertise and round out your sex life. Complete information on the following books can be found in chapter 12, “References.”

As general sex guides go, The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex by Cathy Winks and Anne Semans (Cleis Press, 1997) is a good cornerstone of any library; it’s the most modern standard around for sex information with a pleasure-centric approach, lots of sex practices that many people actually engage in but other guides won’t include, and lots of sex toy info. The Guide to Getting it On! by Paul Joannides (Goofy Foot Press, 2000) is heterocentric and the tone is unbearably casual at times, but it’s gigantic (over six hundred pages), has accurate information, and has sections not found in other tomes, such as a disabilities chapter. Every person who has sex with women should read The Whole Lesbian Sex Book by Felice Newman (Cleis Press, 1999). Although it’s for lesbians, it is the most complete resource around on having sex with women, and it has a fantastic tone.

There are many books on specific topics that relate to subjects covered in this book; they’ll help you dig deep into what interests you. By far the best book out there on S/M and how to do it is Patrick Califia’s Sensuous Magic (Cleis Press, 2001) Califia mixes practical advice with scorchingly hot short stories to make a book that inspires and energizes on every level. Come Hither by Gloria Brame (Fireside, 2000) is a wonderful book about becoming interested in S/M and has unbeatable information on talking to your partner about it, or coping with your partner’s wishes when they don’t match up with yours. Jack Morin’s The Erotic Mind (Harperperennial Library, 1996) is older than most of the books I’m recommending, but it’s very good; it explores the mind-set of having healthy, happy sex and digs deep into sex within long-term relationships.

Women who got fired up about sex while reading this book have many books to choose from to stoke the flames. Betty Dodson, the mother of self-love, is a sex therapist who helps women learn to have orgasms, or have better or different ones than they’re already having. Her book Sex for One is a wonderful exploration of masturbation and orgasm, perfect for further masturbatory study. For getting deep into women’s orgasm and sexuality, and finding great advice about achieving orgasm when you have not been able to, check out the beautiful and practical When the Earth Moves by Mikaya Heart (Celestial Arts, 1998). Women who strive to become more sexually adventurous will want to read Carol Queen’s Exhibitionism for the Shy (Down There Press, 1995), which gave me the courage and motivation to learn how to talk dirty in bed—you can learn exactly that in her book. The Survivor’s Guide to Sex by Staci Haines (Cleis Press, 1999) is the first and only practical book for people who have survived trauma and/or abuse and want to have a fully present, satisfying and healthy sex life—it’s indispensable. You can learn more about anal sex for women in the landmark book The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women by Tristan Taormino (Cleis Press, 1997). And though not strictly about sex, but about being a sexual woman, the collection of essays by New York Times science writer Natalie Angier, Woman: An Intimate Geography (Anchor, 2000), is incredibly informative and entertaining.

Erotic Videos

I hate the way most straight pornos show oral sex on a woman: extremely brief, hard tongue-flicking on the clitoris. From what I’ve seen it’s usually portrayed as just another step in the kissing/fellatio /cunnilingus/vaginal intercourse/anal intercourse/ coming on her boobs sequence—boring.

Adult film is another one of those things that isn’t for everyone. The adult industry is as varied as any arm of the entertainment industry, with high- and low-quality production, people who enjoy what they do and those who don’t, and something for every niche market conceivable. Porn itself sparks a contentious debate within many circles. That is not my debate here—but if you choose to watch adults having sex on your television to inspire sex (especially cunnilingus!), then I have many supportive suggestions for you.

Porn can be an amazing sex toy for women, and shared between couples. Many “educated” people actually believe that women don’t want to watch porn or absurdly claim that women don’t get turned on by it, when a significant share of the porn-buying populace shows the opposite. Women respond just as physiologically to erotic imagery as men do, and in studies, it’s their genitals that give them away. Dr. Ellen Laan of the University of Amsterdam, in her 1994 study “Women’s Sexual and Emotional Responses to Male- and Female-Produced Erotica,” has shown us that women’s genitals engorge exuberantly when they are watching porn that they later describe as boring and unerotic.

Watching porn can be disappointing if you aren’t briefed on what to expect. The visual quality of most pornographic plot-driven movies has barely edged past daytime soap opera viewing: digital textures, unremarkable sets, cardboard acting, and sex that has little to do with the story. If you don’t want a story, there are plenty of features that contain only “wall-to-wall” sex, usually strung together with a loose theme. There are a few exceptions to the on-again, off-again quality, and the key to finding them is to look for the names of certain actors and directors. This is especially true if you’re going to your local video store for rentals, because by and large adult retailers seem to be allergic to alphabetical order, and they wouldn’t know a Dewey Decimal if it hit them on the head.

The first rule of thumb when watching porn is to have the remote control handy at all times. This way, if a scene bores you or is unarousing, you can just fast-forward through it. Your remote is your best friend, always there when you need it. Next, remember that porn has big issues with showing stars with normal bodies, meaning that the adult world shares Hollywood’s obsessions with ultra-skinny women, blondes, and big, overstuffed boobs. And porn can be very sexist and will often depict mildly unsafe sex practices, such as anus-to-vagina penetration. They do weird things in porn that people don’t usually do in their actual sex lives, such as ejaculating every single time on someone’s face. These things don’t always happen, and they happen less often in better productions, but forewarned is forearmed. I’m going to recommend a few directors who focus on women’s pleasure and make porn that by and large omits the troubling issues I just mentioned.

Typically in adult films, cunnilingus is shown in ways that have little to do with the starlet’s pleasure. Don’t expect to rent an adult film and learn how to perform cunnilingus unless it’s a higher-quality instructional video. In porn, cunnilingus is what I call “camera-angled, not pleasure-angled,” meaning that the everything is positioned for a good camera view, not for what actually works. The woman’s legs will be spread yoga-posture wide and the licker will have their head cocked at an angle so the big camera and all the lights can squeeze in there. As if that weren’t bad enough, most lickers don’t have a clue about what they’re doing, and they end up looking like a dog cleaning out a tin can. Don’t be a casualty of “porno-tongue”—let it turn you on, not teach you how.

My top picks for directors who make great films with scorching cunnilingus scenes (and authentic female orgasms) are Veronica Hart, Candida Royalle, Shar Rednour and Jackie Strano, and Paul Thomas. All of them make intelligent movies that focus on women’s pleasure, and you can count on a great cunnilingus scene in each tape you watch. Veronica Hart’s films are the most tightly scripted of the bunch and tend to mix raunch and romance. Royalle’s films are softer, more of the heterosexual “feminist porn” ilk, and don’t contain any anal sex scenes (with only one exception). Shar and Jackie are a femme and butch production team who make quality dyke porn, occasionally including cunnilingus scenes with dental dams that are unbelievably hot depictions of safer sex. Paul Thomas’s films are intense and moody, sometimes film noir in style, and can contain suggestions of violence content (no violence occurs onscreen) in the plot lines, though they’re solid films.

Women-only porn is a gold mine for cunnilingus scenes, but be warned that girl-girl action is largely hit and miss, because the women are usually not lesbians. The No Man’s Land series is the best mainstream lesbian series out there, with plots and characters who are actually lesbians, though the actresses are obviously porn starlets. In them, you’ll find lots of cunnilingus and toys, and many actresses who prefer to do scenes only with other women—a bonus! The Femme series and the Four Finger Club series are also notable for cunning linguists. If you can find them, the S.F. Lesbians series, though a bit older and dated, feature real, hot lesbians having wall-to-wall sex. Again, the most real dyke porn can be found in tapes made by Rednour and Strano’s S.I.R. Productions.

But who gives the best girl-head in the business? There are quite a few contestants, but in overall onscreen performances, real dykes and lesbians will make them come every time. In mainstream porn, a few male actors stand out: Randy Spears is number one, and a joy to watch licking any pussy that’s in front of him. Mickey G is married to starlet Missy, and they have incredible chemistry together, making cunnilingus scenes electric—but it’s great to watch him lick anyone. Mr. Marcus is a big, beefy, African American actor who has a tender touch and a well-muscled tongue, putting him on the good licks list. Michael J. Cox, apart from his funny name, is cute—and lanky—and he knows a thing or two about going down on a gal.

There are many women in adult movies who love to lavish the licks on each other, and a couple stand out. Nina Hartley is a legendary porn star who also makes how-to sex tapes, but seeing her in action going down on women is very hot indeed. Tina Tyler has the most beautiful, most natural body in the business, and though she’s in a lot of bi films with men only, when she goes down on a woman it makes me jealous. Tina sizzles in her bi movies—she has no hesitation about telling the guys what to do when they get between her legs. Marilyn Chambers, Jill Kelly, Juli Ashton, Ginger Lynn, and Keisha all know how to go down.

How-To Videos

Adult how-to videos are explicit and often contain extra noninstructional sex scenes that make them worth your money. These videos come in two flavors: mainstream adult films made by porn stars, or films independently produced by individuals, sex toy companies, or sex organizations. The mainstream films are usually missing some component of accuracy and are packed with porn stars giving eager, though sometimes mechanical, demonstrations. The independents make up for what they lack in budgets and the actors’ on-camera presence by featuring normal folks, usually real-life, clearly loving couples.

In the realm of cunnilingus, there are a couple of tapes that can show you how to do some of the things in this book and can provide sexy inspiration. Nina Hartley’s Making Love to Women is one part information, many parts incendiary cunnilingus action, and with hottie Tina Tyler in it, it’s pretty arousing to watch. It’s Nina’s most recent and her best tape on the subject. Nina’s are the only quality how-to tapes on cunnilingus that aren’t exclusively heterosexual. The Complete Guide to Oral Lovemaking has a 1980s feel to it (hair and lingerie especially) and is full of talking heads—”experts” to make you feel comfortable and nonsleazy. Its information is straightforward, but don’t expect any in-depth descriptions of cunnilingus. Better Oral Sex Techniques is a Sinclair Institute video, part of their series of how-to tapes, and like all Sinclair tapes it features actual couples. The action is broken up by more talking heads, and the video presents the information in an annoying, numbered sequence. Much like its cunnilingus guidebook counterparts, it’s pretty slim pickings—for now.

There are several terrific how-to tapes about women’s sexuality that enrich and complement a healthy sex life. Women seeking to explore their orgasmic capacities will want to watch both of Betty Dodson’s tapes. These incredible videos show Betty teaching women how to orgasm, how to change their orgasms, and how to get in touch with their sexuality. They’re incredible to watch, and no woman can walk away from them without learning something. In Celebrating Orgasm, we get to see Betty in her famous one-on-one sex therapy sessions with her clients, and in Selfloving, we get a seat in the middle of her very intimate—and very intense—women’s group orgasm therapy sessions. They’re powerful stuff. Annie Sprinkle has done some wonderful video work as well, and you can learn through her spiritual approach how to give a woman a great erotic massage in Fire in the Valley: An Intimate Guide to Female Genital Massage. It comes off as a little New Age, but it has great techniques and excellent mindful breath practices.

There’s a big world of sex how-to tapes out there. You can find a tape for just about everything, and even if you don’t find what you want, just wait! There are some eager sex educators out there probably planning your video right now!

CHAPTER 11

Resources

Online and Mail Order

Babeland

Web site, retail stores, and catalog of toys, books, videos, and safer-sex supplies. Women-owned and operated, but open to all orientations. Strict privacy policy. (For retail information, see the “Retail Stores” section below.)

800 658 9119

babeland.com

Blowfish

Mail-order catalog and Web site of toys, books, videos, DVDs, safer-sex supplies, S/M gear, comics, and magazines. They feature individual reviews of their products and a strict privacy policy.

P.O. Box 411290, San Francisco, CA 94141

800 325 2569

415 252 4340

blowfish.com

Coco de Mer

A sophisticated sex toy boutique founded by the daughter of Body Shop owner Anita Roddick, their Web sites and stores in the UK and US feature smart selections and unique tools for enhancing cunnilingus. (For retail information, see “Retail Stores” below.)

020 7836 8882 (UK)

1 866 959 2626 (US)

coco-de-mer.com (UK)

cocodemerusa.com (US)

Glyde Dams

Buy ’em here, by the dozen or in a party pack! sheerglydedams.com

Good Vibrations

Good Vibrations has a staff who are committed to dispensing accurate sex information about the products they sell. Web site and retail stores carry toys, books, and DVDs. (For retail information, see the “Retail Stores” section below.)

934 Howard St., San Francisco, CA 94103

800 289 8423

415 974 8990

goodvibes.com

LoveHoney

This UK-based site is a one-stop shop for quality sex toys, books and videos. They make their own product videos, have an entertaining blog, and are committed to green practices and environmentally conscious products.

Unit A, Locksbrook Road

Bath, BA1 3EU

England

0800 915 6635

lovehoney.co.uk

Retail Stores

A Woman’s Touch

Feminist sex store offering toys, books, and safer-sex supplies. Their Web site has great advice columns.

600 Williamson St., Madison, WI 53703

608 250 1928

200 N. Jefferson St., Milwaukee, WI 53202

414 221 0400

888-621-8880

a-womans-touch.com

Babeland

Retail store, Web site, and catalog of toys, books, videos, and safer-sex supplies. Women-owned and operated, but open to all orientations. They also have in-store educational workshops.

707 E. Pike St., Seattle, WA 98122

206 328 2914

94 Rivington St., New York, NY 10002

212 375 1701

43 Mercer St., New York, NY 10013

212 966 2120

462 Bergen St., Brooklyn, NY 11217

718 638 3820

(Mail order) 800 658 9119

www.babeland.com

Come Again Erotic Emporium

Woman-owned store with toys, books, and lingerie.

353 E. 53rd St. New York, NY 10022

212 308 9394

Eve’s Garden

Woman-focused store with toys, books, and videos.

119 W. 57th St., 12th Floor, New York, NY 10019

800 848 3837

212 757 8651

evesgarden.com

Forbidden Fruit

Woman-owned and operated toy store/adult gift shop, and fetish boutique. A big supporter of the Austin S/M, fetish, safer-sex, and sex-positive communities.

Toy Store and Education Center

512 Neches St., Austin, TX 78701

512 478 8358

www.forbiddenfruit.com

Good Vibrations

Staff is trained, and their Education department serves staff and customers and does outreach to health organizations. Web site and retail stores carry toys, books, DVDs, safer-sex supplies

603 Valencia St., San Francisco, CA 94110

415 522 5460

1620 Polk St., San Francisco, CA 94109

415 345 0400

2504 San Pablo Ave., Berkeley, CA 94702

510 841 8987

308A Howard St., Brookline, MA 02446

617 264 4400

(Mail Order) 800 289 8423

www.goodvibes.com

(See “Online and Mail Order” section for more mail

order/Web info.)

Pleasure Chest

Retail store and Web site of novelties, toys, videos, and clothing.

7733 Santa Monica Blvd., West Hollywood, CA 90046

800 75 DILDO

323 650 1022

156 Seventh Ave. S., New York, NY 10014

212 242 2158

3436 N. Lincoln Ave., Chicago, IL 60657

773 525 7151

thepleasu rechest.com

Canadian Resources

Come As You Are

No visit to Toronto is complete without visiting this community-oriented worker-owned co-op retail store, and they also have a mail-order catalog and Web site. They have toys, books, videos, safer-sex supplies, and educational resources, especially resources for the disabled. Products are hand-picked and individually reviewed. Stores offer educational workshops. Nous offrons desservices limites en français.

701 Queen St. W., Toronto, ON, M6J 1E6, Canada

(Toll-free) 888 504 7934

416 504 7934

comeasyouare.com

Good For Her

Woman-focused retail store carries toys, books, videos, and erotic art; hosts sex workshops, all geared toward female pleasure. In addition to regular hours, store has women and trans-only hours.

175 Harbord St., Toronto, ON, M5S 1H3, Canada

(Toll-free) 877 588 0900

416 588 0900

goodforher.com

Lovecraft

Retail stores and Web site offering toys, books, videos, and lingerie. Possibly the oldest women-owned sex shop in North America—open since 1972.

27 Yorkville Ave., Toronto, ON, M4W 1L1, Canada

416 923 7331

2200 Dundas St. E., Mississauga, ON, L4X 2V3, Canada

905 276 5772

(Toll-free) 877 923 7331

lovecraftsexshop.com

Womyn’s Ware

Retail store, Web site, and catalog of toys, books, and fetish gear, education- and woman-focused. Store hosts sex seminars.

896 Commercial Dr., Vancouver, BC, V5L 3Y5, Canada

604 254 2543

(Toll-free) 888 996 9273

womynsware.com

European Resources

Le Boudoir

The Spanish woman’s answer to a female-friendly, smart and sexy online sex shopping experience—from Spain, they are a fabulous resource. Lovely; website is in Spanish.

leboudoir.net

LoveHoney

This UK-based site is a one-stop shop for quality sex toys, books, and videos. They make their own product videos, have an entertaining blog, and are committed to green practices and environmentally conscious products.

lovehoney.co.uk

Lust

A women-run, women-focused online sex boutique from Denmark, with a lovely site and fantastic selection. Site is in Danish.

lust.dk

Second Sexe

French Web site, erotic boutique, and resource for women-positive, feminist-identified products and porn. Exquisite site, lots to choose from.

secondsexe.com

SH!

A women’s sex shop that is all-inclusive and couples-friendly, with two levels including handpicked toys, books, videos, and lingerie. A well-educated staff, many after hours events and comfortable atmosphere.

57 Hoxton Square, London N16 6HD U.K.

Tel. 0845 868 9599

020 7613 5458

Tiberius

Austrian leather, latex and a variety of sexy tools

A-1070 Wien, Lindengasse 2, Austria

Tel. 43 1 522 040 74

tiberius.at

leather@tiberius.net

Yoba

A gorgeous online women’s sex toy boutique, with lingerie and their own beautiful sex magazine. I wish American sex toy boutiques looked and felt like this (site is in French).

yobaparis.com

Safer-Sex Resources

American Social Health Association

P.O. Box 13827, Research Triangle Park, NC 27709

919 361 8400

ashastd.org

Center for Disease Control National Prevention Information Network

P.O. Box 6003, Rockville, MD 20849

800 458 5231

cdcnpin.com

National AIDS Hotline

800 232 4636

National STI Resource Center Hotline

919 361 8488

Planned Parenthood

800 230 PLAN

plannedparenthood.org

Safer Sex Page

safersex.org

San Francisco Sex Information

Sex information and referral switchboard that provides free, nonjudgmental, anonymous, confidential, accurate information from a highly trained staff. Monday through Thursday 3:00 P.M. to 9:00 P.M.; Friday 3:00 P.M. to 6:00 P.M.; Sunday 2:00 P.M. to 5:00 P.M. PST. Ask any question about sex under the sun by emailing ask-us@ sfsi.org

415 989 SFSI

sfsi.org

Sex Education Classes and Workshops: Organizations

(For stores near you that offer sex education workshops and classes, see the “Retail Stores” section.)

Body Electric

School of healing arts dedicated to exploring the healing potential of erotic energy, with a holistic, mindful, and spiritual approach (open to all spiritual orientations). Classes for men and for women, mixed classes, retreats, and more, in Seattle, Oakland, New York, and Los Angeles.

1010 University Ave., #384, San Diego, CA 92103

510 653 1594

bodyelectric.org

San Francisco Sex Information

Sex information and referral switchboard that provides free, nonjudgmental, anonymous, accurate information. They offer a fifty-five-hour training course in all aspects of human sexuality and monthly Continuing Education classes open to the public on a variety of current topics; for more information, see their Web site.

415 989 SFSI

sfsi.org

Society for Human Sexuality

Social and educational organization that offers lectures and programs with the Center for Sex-Positive Culture in Seattle. They have a huge online library of sex resources.

PMB 1276, 1122 E. Pike St., Seattle, WA 98122

sexuality.org

Sex-Related Web Sites

Carnal Nation

One of the best online sex and culture news sources, period. No judgment, constant updates and fantastic features.

carnalnation.com/

Cleis Press

Cleis has published groundbreaking, informative, and controversial books about sex and politics since 1980. The publisher of this book, they also have a great Web site showcasing their latest erotica, all their sex guidebooks, and Midnight Editions, their incredible consciousness-raising human rights books.

www.cleispress.com

Cunnilingus Facts and Resources: Tiny Nibbles and Open Source Sex

Tiring of Web sites that are low on information and updated resources on cunnilingus, I created this page on my Web site to serve as both a starting point and continuing education resource that includes podcasts, videos, erotica, articles on cunnilingus, and more.

tinynibbles.com/lick

FeMiNa

Huge directory of searchable links by, for, and about women.

femina.com

GLBT National Hotline

The GLNH is an all-volunteer, nonprofit organization. They provide telephone info, email info, referrals, and peer counseling for the GLBT communities. They have over 18,000 listings for the entire US, including groups, organizations, business, bars, doctors, lawyers, therapists, etc. Monday through Friday 4:00 P.M. to midnight; Saturday noon to 5:00 P.M. EST.

888 THE GLNH, 888 843 4564

glbtnationalhelpcenter.org

House O Chicks

Featuring Vulva University, with classes on many aspects of female sexuality.

houseochicks.com

Molly Kiely

This is the Web site of the artist whose cute and highly skilled illustrations grace the pages of this book. See more of her awesome work here—in full color!

mollykiely.com

Scarlet Letters

Webzine of articles, erotica, and more.

scarletletters.com

Scarleteen

Resource of sex information geared toward teen women, but with great sections for young men.

scarleteen.com

SIECUS (Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States)

SIECUS is a national nonprofit organization that develops, collects, and disseminates information on sex, promotes sex education, and advocates individual choice.

90 John St., Ste. 704, New York, NY 10038

212 819 9770

1706 R St. NW, Washington, DC 20009

202 265 2405

www.siecus.org

Tiny Nibbles: Violet Blue’s Open Source Sex

My own Web site for sex culture commentary, accurate sex information, updated resources for all things related to human sexuality, an awesome blog, and epicenter for current information on new sex books, sex videos, sex studies, sex in the news, my famous podcast, TV appearances, news on people doing cool things in the world of sex, and much, much more.

tinynibbles.com

The Sex Carnival

Run by a woman and staffed by several others, this multi-author sex blog is a resource bar none on sex toy reviews, sex news, sex classes, and most especially the world of kinky sex.

thesexcarnival.com

CHAPTER 12

References

Books

Alman, Isadora. Doing It: Real People Having Really Good Sex. Berkeley, CA: Conari Press, 2001.

Angier, Natalie. Woman: An Intimate Geography. New York: Anchor Books; Random House, 2000.

Birch, Robert W. Oral Caress: The Loving Guide to Exciting a Woman. Howard, OH: PEC Publications, 1996.

Blank, Joani. Femalia. San Francisco: Down There Press, 1994.

Boston Women’s Health Collective. Our Bodies, Our Selves for the New Century. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1998.

Brame, Gloria. Come Hither: A Common Sense Guide. New York: A Fireside Book, Simon and Schuster, 2000.

Bruce, Cara and Motanarelli, Lisa Ph. D. The First Year: Hepatitis C. New York: Marlowe and Co., 2002.

Califia, Patrick. Sensuous Magic: A Guide for Adventurous Couples. San Francisco: Cleis Press, 2001.

Chalker, Rebecca. The Clitoral Truth. New York: Seven Stories Press, 2000.

Chia, Mantak, Maneewan Chia, Douglas Abrams, and Rachel Carlton Abrams, MD. The Multi-Orgasmic Couple. San Francisco: Harper San Francisco, 2000.

Cox, Tracey. Hot Sex: How to Do It. New York: Bantam Books, Random House, 1999.

Dodson, Betty, Ph.D. Sex for One. New York: Crown Publications, 1996.

Federation of Feminist Women’s Health Centers. New View of a Woman’s Body. Los Angeles: Progressive Health/Feminist Health Press, 1991.

Gach, Michael Reed, Ph.D. Acupressure for Lovers. Bantam Books; Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group, 1997. Goddard, Jamie and Kurt Brungardt. Lesbian Sex Secrets for Men. New York: Plume; Penguin Putnam, 2000.

Haines, Staci. The Survivor’s Guide to Sex. San Francisco: Cleis Press, 1999.

Heart, Mikaya. When the Earth Moves: Women and Orgasm. Berkeley, CA: Celestial Arts, 1998.

Heiman, Julia, Ph.D., and Joseph LoPiccolo, Ph.D. Becoming Orgasmic. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1988.

Janus, S. S. & Janus, C. L. The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior. New York: Wiley, 1993.

Joannides, Paul. The Guide to Getting It On! Waldport, OR: Goofy Foot Press, 2000.

Lotney, Karlyn. The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex. San Francisco: Cleis Press, 2000.

Masters, W. H., Johnson, V. E. & Kolodny, R. C. Human Sexuality. Boston: Little, Brown and Company, 1985, 1995.

Masters, W. H., Johnson, V. E. & Kolodny, R. C. Masters and Johnson on Sex and Human Loving. Boston: Little, Brown and Company, 1982, 1985.

Morin, Jack, Ph.D. The Erotic Mind. New York: Harper Perennial; Harper Collins Publishers, 1995.

Newman, Felice. The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: A Passionate Guide for All of Us. San Francisco: Cleis Press, 1999.

Paget, Lou. The Big O: Orgasms, How To Have Them, Give Them, And Keep Them Coming. New York: Broadway Books, Random House, 2001

Paget, Lou. How To Give Her Absolute Pleasure: Totally Explicit Techniques Every Woman Wants Her Man To Know. New York: Broadway Books, Random House, 2000.

Queen, Carol. Exhibitionism for the Shy. San Francisco: Down There Press, 1995.

Rodgers, Joann Ellison. Sex: The Natural History of a Behavior. New York: W.H. Freeman and Company, 2001.

Stubbs, Kenneth Ray, Ph.D. Erotic Passions. Tuscon: Secret Garden Publishing, 2000.

Taormino, Tristan. The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. San Francisco: Cleis Press, 1998.

Winks and Semans. The Good Vibrations Guide to the G-Spot. San Francisco: Down There Press, 1998.

———. The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex, 2nd ed. San Francisco: Cleis Press, 1997.

Videos

Britton, Patti, Ph.D., F.A.A.C.S. The Complete Guide to Oral Lovemaking. Sexual Enrichment Series; Pacific Media Entertainment, 1997.

Corn, Laura. The Incredible G-Spot. Merlin/Park Avenue Publishers, 1995.

Dodson, Betty, Ph.D. Selfloving. Betty Dodson, 1991. ———. Celebrating Orgasm. Betty Dodson, 1996.

Frameline Home Video, et al. (various directors). She’s Safe. Frameline Home Video, 1993.

Hartley, Nina. Nina Hartley’s Guide to Better Cunnilingus. Adam and Eve Productions, 1994.

———. Nina Hartley’s Advanced Guide to Oral Sex. Adam and Eve Productions, 1998.

———. Nina Hartley’s Making Love to Women. Adam and Eve Productions, 2000.

Kessler Medical Rehabilitation Research and Education Corporation. Sexuality Reborn. Kessler Medical Rehabilitation Research and Education Corporation, 1993.

Sinclair Institute. Better Oral Sex Techniques. Better Sex Video Series; Sinclair Institute, 1997.

Sprinkle, Annie and Kramer, Joseph. Fire in the Valley: An Intimate Guide to Female Genital Massage. Joseph Kramer/The Body Electric School, 1999.

About the Author

VIOLET BLUE (tinynibbles.com) is a blogger, high-profile tech personality, award-winning bestselling author and editor of over two dozen books in five languages, podcaster, web TV show GETV reporter, technology futurist, and sex-positive pundit in mainstream media (such as CNN and The Tyra Banks Show). Her podcast Open Source Sex has been downloaded over 8 million times. Blue is a Forbes Web Celeb and one of Wired’s Faces of Innovation. She writes for media outlets such as Forbes, O: The Oprah Magazine, and UN sponsored international health organization, RH Reality Check. Violet lectures to cyberlaw classes at UC Berkeley, human sexuality programs at UCSF, tech conferences (ETech and SXSW), in addition to sex crisis counselors at community teaching institutions and Google Tech Talks. Blue’s tech blogs are techyum.com and vb.ly, and she publishes DRM-free audio and e-books at DigitaPub.com.

Copyright © 2002, 2010 by Violet Blue®. Foreword copyright © 2010 by Margaret Cho. Illustrations copyright ©2002 by Molly Kiely. Erotic stories copyright ©2002 by Alison Tyler.

All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio or television reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording, or by information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Publisher.

Published in the United States by Cleis Press Inc.,

2246 Sixth St., Berkeley, CA 94710.

eISBN : 978-1-573-44551-1

Table of Contents

Ultimate Guides from Cleis Press

Title Page

Dedication

Foreword

Introduction

CHAPTER 1 - One Act, Many Pleasures

Receiving

Giving

Increasing Intimacy

Enhancing Lovemaking

CHAPTER 2 - How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Getting Head

The Four Fears

Building Blocks for Great Sex: Masturbation and Fantasy

Fantasy

Getting Connected

Being a Great Lick-ee

The Oral Sex Double Standard

CHAPTER 3 - Anatomy for Pleasure

Female Anatomy 101

The Clitoris

Beneath the Surface

The Sexual Response Cycle

The G-spot and Ejaculation

CHAPTER 4 - Health Considerations

Is Cunnilingus a Risky Behavior?

Is Rimming Risky?

Safer Sex

Safer-Sex Gear

Flavored Vulvas

Air Embolism

Episiotomy

The Eroticism of Safer Sex

CHAPTER 5 - Tastes and Textures

Hair: Velvet or Velcro?

Shaving

What About Waxing?

Razor Burn

Smell and Taste

Beard Burn

Menstruation

CHAPTER 6 - Cunning Linguistics: Getting Started

Cunning Strategies and Suggestions

Talking with a Reluctant Would-be Lick-ee

Finding out What She Likes

Foreplay Games for Lovers

CHAPTER 7 - Oral Seduction

First Taste

Helping Hands

Female Genital Massage

Starting Licks

Tongue Techniques

What Your Mouth Can Do

Strokes and Combinations

Rhythm

How to Be a Mind Reader (Well, Almost)

Bump and Grind: Orgasmic Body Language

Orgasm

CHAPTER 8 - As You Like It

Positions

Cunnilingus Positions for Injured or Disabled People

Tongue and Jaw Cramp

Penetration and Sex Toys

G-spot Stimulation

CHAPTER 9 - Tricks or Treats: Advanced Techniques

Erotic Pressure Points

Fire and Ice

Cool and Tingling Sensations

A Little Pain

A Lot of Pain

Exercising Restraint

Rimming

Anal Penetration

Extreme Sports

CHAPTER 10 - Independent Study: Erotic Books and Videos

Recommended Reading

Erotic Videos

How-To Videos

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 12

About the Author

Copyright Page