1 00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:07,720 - Dennis, stop acting like a child. - I don't wanna hear it, Dad. 2 00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:10,840 Deandra, move the pool table so you and your brother can lay some grout. 3 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:14,080 - I am not laying grout. - You guys are being babies. 4 00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:17,080 We're being babies, Mac? Why don't you go work for your dad all day? 5 00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:21,480 - My dad's a meth dealer. - "Oh, no! My daddy's in prison!" 6 00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:25,440 "My daddy used to give hot shots to prostitutes. Feel sorry for me!" 7 00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:27,960 - I got the grout. - You're not even listening to us. 8 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:29,720 - Are you really leaving? - Yes! 9 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:32,200 - Later, bitches. - Yeah, have a good life now. 10 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:33,880 All right, look. I know what you're doin'. 11 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:37,280 I can play this game. Mac and me and Charlie can run the bar. 12 00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:39,720 - Great. Terrific. It's a good idea. - We got better things to do. 13 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:41,360 Please. What are you two gonna do? 14 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:44,080 Dee and I have a little something we like to call "goals", okay? 15 00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:46,160 We have aspirations outside of this bar. 16 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:48,440 We got big dreams, Mac. We're gonna go follow 'em. 17 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:50,920 You guys have nothing without this bar. 18 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:53,720 Don't worry about us, Mac. We'll be just fine. 19 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,040 DENNIS: So what are your dreams? DEE: Hmm? 20 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:27,200 Your goals, what are your aspirations? 21 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:30,360 - Were you serious about that? - Yeah! What are you doing? 22 00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:31,920 Signing us up for unemployment benefits. 23 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:33,040 Unemployment? No. 24 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:34,360 Dee, that's for deadbeats. Come on. 25 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:37,360 We got a golden opportunity here. You know? 26 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:39,480 We can do anything we want if we put our minds to it. 27 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:42,800 Well, I could use this time to get my acting career off the ground. 28 00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:44,360 - And I fully support you. - You do? 29 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:46,240 Absolute. Look, the old Dennis would have said, 30 00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:50,680 "Dee, your sad little acting ship sailed a decade ago. It's pathetic." 31 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:54,400 But the new me says that it's not my place to kill your pipe dreams. 32 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:55,800 - You should go for it. - Really? 33 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:59,160 Yes! Come on. This is America! We're gonna go for it! 34 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,080 We're gonna work hard! We're gonna reach for the stars! 35 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:03,000 We're gonna become more successful than our parents. 36 00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:05,400 - We can shove it in their faces. - Make 'em eat shit! 37 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:07,720 - Oh, look, we qualified. - Really? How much? 38 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:10,240 - $400 a week. - $400. 39 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:12,280 - It's more than we made at the bar. - I know. 40 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:16,720 Okay, new plan. 41 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:19,560 - We're gonna go on unemployment. - Yeah. 42 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:23,040 - That's what it's there for, right? - In the meantime, we will focus... 43 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:25,600 Work hard and keep our nose to the grindstone. 44 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:27,720 Right? 45 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:29,640 Absolutely. 46 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:37,360 CHARLIE: Ready? One, two, three. 47 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:40,760 (grunting) 48 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:44,040 - God damn it! - Why can you not lift your end? 49 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:45,960 I don't know, dude. Let me figure out what is happening. 50 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:47,440 Are you lifting with your back? 51 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:48,800 Of course I'm lifting with my back, Charlie, okay? 52 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,000 But I think your end is just lighter 53 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:51,760 cause the balls have rolled down to this end. 54 00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:53,760 No! You got to snap your back up and lift. 55 00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:55,120 I'm jerking my back up! 56 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:56,920 - What do you want from me? - Hey, what's the ruckus? 57 00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,320 I'm trying to conduct important business back there. 58 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:02,280 We finished with the tile, and we're trying to move the pool table back. 59 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,200 All right, all right, all right. Have you done the urinal? 60 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:08,160 Because the urinal, you flush it, and it sprays all over the place. 61 00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:09,600 - Yeah, I know. I know. - Look, bro. 62 00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:11,440 You got to stop bossing us around, okay? 63 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:13,280 I mean, look at Charlie. You're breaking his spirit. 64 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:15,800 Look at me. I'm broken, dude. Look, I'm... 65 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,560 You guys need a father figure. And I'm trying to be that father figure, 66 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,480 and someday you're gonna thank me for it. 67 00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:24,120 And that's all there is to it. Trust me. Trust me on that one. 68 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:26,440 You're gonna thank me for it. (door closes) 69 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:30,520 I don't want a father figure. 70 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:36,360 BOTH: #Oh, baby, you You got what I need 71 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:41,440 #But you say he's just a friend But you say he's just a friend 72 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,320 #Oh, baby, you# 73 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:46,360 Come down just a little bit. He's not hitting it that high, you know? 74 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:49,120 - #Oh, baby, you# - Now you split the difference. 75 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:51,040 - You got to split the difference. - Yeah, split the difference. 76 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:53,200 What the hell is this? 77 00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:56,920 Living the dream, bro. Living the dream. 78 00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:59,200 I thought you two were out looking for careers or something. 79 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,240 We are, man. We're just getting a little bit of assistance 80 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:02,480 to help us out over the hump. 81 00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:04,200 And this unemployment thing is so great, 82 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:06,360 because we've made really big plans. 83 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:08,280 - I'm gonna be a veterinarian. - Yeah. 84 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:11,000 And I am gonna move to New York, and I'm gonna be on Broadway. 85 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:14,240 What? It's 1:00 in the afternoon, and you're piss-ass drunk. 86 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:17,720 Well, you know, it's a slow process, man. It takes a little time. 87 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:19,560 - But we trust the system. - Is that a new watch, dude? 88 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:21,920 - It is. It's awesome. - Oh, and I got a Jesus chain. 89 00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:23,240 - It's good. Look at it. - All right, look, guys. 90 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:25,680 We want you to come back to the bar, okay? 91 00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:28,400 - Why in the hell would we do that? - You're not even listening to me. 92 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,680 - Did you see my Jesus chain? - I'm busting my ass in that bar, 93 00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:32,680 and you guys are sitting on the stoop getting drunk all day long? 94 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:35,320 (mock crying) What, this again? What, this again? 95 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:38,080 - I have to work! - Cry for me. Cry for me. 96 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:40,840 I don't know how to take advantage of government programs. 97 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,480 Unemployment runs out, all right? 98 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:44,840 And once it does, you guys are gonna be back out on your asses. 99 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:48,000 Once it runs out, we're gonna go on welfare, dude. 100 00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:49,320 - Welfare? - Mmm-hmm. 101 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:52,160 - You guys can't go on welfare. - Oh, really? 102 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:55,000 It's reserved for people who need it, you know? 103 00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:57,360 Like poor people who need some help... 104 00:04:57,520 --> 00:04:59,640 (stereo plays) It's set up... 105 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,320 - To continue... - #Oh, baby, you# 106 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:03,560 It's not for over privileged pieces of shit 107 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:06,040 who want to waste millions of dollars in tax... 108 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:08,240 You want to play this game? We gonna play this game now? 109 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:11,520 - #But you say he's just a friend# - God damn you! 110 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:13,480 - #Oh, baby, you# - God damn it! 111 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:16,280 #Got what I need# 112 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:18,240 Charlie, sign here, here and here. 113 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:23,880 So, you're giving me all your money. 114 00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:28,840 Charlie, for the 500th time, I'm not giving it to you. It's not yours. 115 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:32,120 I'm just setting up a temporary account in your name. 116 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:35,560 What my wife can't find, she can't get. 117 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:39,320 Right. This is good. This is shady, Frank. I like this kind of stuff. 118 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:41,080 But you will be handsomely rewarded 119 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:42,880 f you just keep your hands off this money. 120 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:45,240 Right, right. So what's the vig? 121 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,160 - The vig? - Yeah, man. 122 00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:51,880 You know, what's... What's the vig on this action here? 123 00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:54,960 Do you even know what vig means? 124 00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:58,440 Hey-oh! What's up, bitches? 125 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,680 Get your gloves. I got a lot of grout work for you to do. 126 00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:01,840 Forget the grout. 127 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,360 I have been doing a little research that will change our lives forever. 128 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:07,720 Turns out there's a little program called Work for Welfare, 129 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:11,480 n which businesses hire potential welfare recipients, 130 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:13,240 the government subsidizes their wage, 131 00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:16,280 and the IRS affords thousands of dollars in tax relief. 132 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:21,600 Oh, I don't know what you're saying. Dude, is that a question? 133 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:23,080 I don't understand. What's going on? 134 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:25,960 Don't you get it? We will never need Dennis and Dee again. 135 00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:29,000 We hire a couple people, pay them nothing, 136 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:31,200 and get them to do all of our work for us! 137 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:33,400 - We just pay them nothing? - We pay them nothing! 138 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:35,440 - That's incredible. - It's incredible! 139 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:38,480 - What do you think, Frank? - If we do something like this, 140 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:41,040 we got to make sure we don't abuse anybody. 141 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,840 No. Oh, my God! I know what it's like to grow up poor, you know. 142 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,160 We got to treat people with respect. 143 00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:48,040 Respect is the name of the game. Respect is number one! 144 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,120 - The name of almost every game. - Absolutely. 145 00:06:50,280 --> 00:06:52,800 Because we understand the plight of the worker. 146 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:54,720 - The plight! - Respect. 147 00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:56,080 Respect the plight. 148 00:06:56,840 --> 00:06:58,160 What do you think, Frank? 149 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:02,320 I'm good. Go get us some slaves. 150 00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:08,240 (phone ringing) 151 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:10,040 CHARLIE: No, dude. That's not what I'm saying. 152 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:13,480 All I'm saying is that "slaves" is not a racist term. 153 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:14,800 Look, dude, I'm... Okay, look. 154 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:16,560 I'm saying over the history of time, right? 155 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,400 There have been slaves of many different races. 156 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:21,000 There's been Jewish slaves. I mean, uh, Italian, uh... 157 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:22,960 I recognize that, Charlie. But in this country, 158 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:25,040 we have to understand that it is a sensitive issue, okay? 159 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:26,400 - I understand that. - What about that one? 160 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:27,920 He seems strong. 161 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:30,600 - Look at those massive thighs. - Yeah, those are good thighs. 162 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:32,840 Yeah, but you're gonna have a problem with work ethic. 163 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,520 That's what I'm talking about. You can't be saying things like that. 164 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:36,360 No, dude. I'm not saying that because he's black. 165 00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:39,360 He's asleep in his chair. You know, like what... 166 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:40,520 (sighs) 167 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:41,720 - What about that one? - Don't do that. 168 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:44,440 I knew you were gonna do that. 'Cause, why are you going to him? 169 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:47,560 That's like reverse affirmative action, dude. 170 00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:48,800 You don't want to do that. 171 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:50,600 You could cheat yourself out of a good slave here, man. 172 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:52,080 Well, how do you know he's not gonna be a good slave? 173 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:53,240 Come on. 174 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,920 - Look at that. - This is complicated and confusing. 175 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:57,320 And, like, I don't even understand. 176 00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:00,080 We got to talk to someone. Let's just talk to someone. 177 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:06,320 Hello. Hi. We are here to sign up for the Work for Welfare Program. 178 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:08,080 Yeah, my associate and I were just out on the floor. 179 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:10,440 And we're looking for a suitable candidate, but... 180 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:13,200 The problem is it's really tough to tell by eyeballing these people. 181 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:16,040 So we were wondering, like, do you have, like, a Facebook? 182 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:18,240 Or anything that we can go over, like physical stats? 183 00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:20,240 - And some kind of numbers... - Excuse me? 184 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,880 Something to just expediate the whole process... 185 00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:24,840 It doesn't work that way. 186 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:29,040 Why don't you read up on some of the program's stipulations? 187 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:32,280 - Oh, that's big. - The Facebook? 188 00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:35,840 No, "Rules and Regulations". It's, uh, sort of a legal document. 189 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:40,000 - Now, is there any way around this? - None whatsoever. 190 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:41,920 - Okay. - All right, well... 191 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:44,440 - Thank you for your time. - We got this, so we'll read it. 192 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:45,880 Have a good one. I'm not reading that. 193 00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:47,880 - No, I'm not reading this either. - We'll get Frank to do it. 194 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:49,520 Maybe get a slave to do it. 195 00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:53,200 - Oh, look what the cat dragged in. - Oh, well... 196 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:56,160 I see you've decided to steal our welfare idea. 197 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:59,120 - I can't say I'm surprised. - We're not stealing your idea. 198 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,800 Let's all recognize that this is a little awkward situation 199 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:03,800 between friends at the welfare store. 200 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,280 - Let's go our separate ways, okay? - You guys can't get welfare! 201 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:07,800 - Uh, yeah. We can. - No, you can't! 202 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:09,520 They don't give it to any jackass that walks in here. 203 00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:11,400 It's reserved for people who need it, okay? 204 00:09:11,560 --> 00:09:16,360 - Drug addicts, mentally disabled... - Mac, we've got it covered. Dee? 205 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:17,800 Your bicycle helmet. 206 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:22,560 Later, boners. 207 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:27,720 (sighs) - That's an awesome helmet. - What? Go! Out! 208 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:29,600 Hello. 209 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:32,840 Hi. Um, I'm a recovering crackhead. 210 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,280 This is my retarded sister that I take care of. 211 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:37,000 I'd like some welfare, please. 212 00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:40,640 You're a recovering crack addict? 213 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,120 - Yep. - Mmm-hmm. 214 00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:46,320 And she's mentally retarded? 215 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,440 Oh, most definitely. 216 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:51,400 You have the proper medical paperwork? 217 00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:53,960 Medical paperwork? 218 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:55,720 We're gonna need a physician's report 219 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:57,800 to confirm your sister's mental illness, 220 00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:00,080 and your blood work to confirm your... 221 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:02,360 ... crack addiction. 222 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:07,960 Well... Can't you see how retarded she is? 223 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:12,320 (grunting) 224 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:18,920 (sighs) Lose the helmet, sis. We can't prove that you're retarded. 225 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,160 - I want that welfare, Dennis. - I know you do. So do I. 226 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,760 You don't understand. I got a taste of my dream. I can't go back. 227 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,360 I got to get to Broadway, and welfare's the key. 228 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:27,920 - What do you wanna do? - Oh, they wanna play rough? 229 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,840 We can play rough. Let's go buy some crack. 230 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:35,320 (sirens wailing) (dog barking) 231 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:38,600 Okay, thank you. We're all set. Friday, 3:00. Full blood work. 232 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:40,720 - We'll just smoke a little bit. - A little bit. 233 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:42,920 - Enough to get into our system. - And then we'll go to the doctor. 234 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:45,200 We'll get all of our paperwork and we'll get full benefits. 235 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:47,480 Then we'll collect for just a little while until we get settled. 236 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:50,200 - And then I'll take the MCATs. - I'll move to New York. Perfect. 237 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:51,800 (gasps) Oh, my God! 238 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:53,880 - Oh, Jesus! - Oh, wow, you scared us. 239 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:55,720 Oh, not 'cause you're black. No, no, no. 240 00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:57,760 - No, we're not racist. - No, no, no, no. God, no. 241 00:10:57,920 --> 00:11:00,160 - The neighborhood is scary. - If you were another ethnicity... 242 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,520 - You really did pop up. - But it's a nice neighborhood. 243 00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:05,480 - It's the nature of this... - Roll your window down. 244 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:06,800 Okay. 245 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:12,560 - What you need? - Uh, one, please. 246 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:17,240 - One what? - Uh, one rock of crack. 247 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:20,440 A crack rock. Is that enough? Is one crack rock enough? 248 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:23,520 How much would you recommend for a first-time user? 249 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:27,680 Tell you what. I'll make you a deal. 250 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:30,240 Two for the price of one. 251 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:32,600 - Really? - Oh, that sounds good. 252 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,440 - That's very nice of you. - How much? 253 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:37,760 Uh, $200? 254 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:41,800 - Okay. Uh-huh. - Sounds reasonable. Great. 255 00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:45,240 Okay. Let's see here, uh... 256 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,640 That should be about 200. Thanks for being so kind. 257 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:54,720 And patient. 258 00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:58,080 Pick it up down there. 259 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:00,880 - Wait. Where? - Which... 260 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:05,200 - This one. It's got to be that guy. - Don't say "this one". 261 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:11,240 Maria, after you're done in the bathroom you come look for me, 262 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:13,560 because I got some boots to be shined, all right? 263 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:16,320 Tony, go chase that leak down in the basement, all right? 264 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:19,160 Okay, boss. (exhales) 265 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:22,920 Mac, I got to hand it to you. This is brilliant. 266 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:24,600 That's how I roll. Charles? 267 00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:26,840 Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna get nice and drunk, 268 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,880 play some video games until my eyes bleed. 269 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:32,080 - Amen to that, brother. - Me too. I wanna play Charlie. 270 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:39,120 Uh... Don't you have, like, some stuff that you need to do? 271 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,240 - No. - Yeah, managerial stuff. 272 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:43,360 - Managerial stuff! - No, I got that all cleared up. 273 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:45,720 And then I thought after we played a video game, 274 00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:47,560 the three of us go outside, 275 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:49,960 throw the pigskin around, play some two-hand touch. 276 00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:54,240 - Hey, that's not gonna work out. - I'll teach you how to play. 277 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,800 - Yeah, I already know how to play. - Not properly though. 278 00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:00,560 - Kind of properly. - Right. Oh, Charlie. You know what? 279 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:02,960 We got to get into the bathroom to show Maria... 280 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:05,080 Charlie has this thing, the scrubbing. 281 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:07,160 Charlie has this scrubbing thing with the Brillo. 282 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,280 - I have a Brillo. - He has a method. 283 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:11,680 - And we got to show her. - Make sure that she's got it down. 284 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:14,400 - I'll get myself a beer. - Yeah! Yeah, get a beer. 285 00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:15,840 We'll work it out over here. 286 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:17,720 Well, this is a development I did not expect. 287 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:19,560 It's like he's really trying to become our father. 288 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:22,280 - I know how to play football. - I know you do, bro. I know you do. 289 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:25,720 (sighs) Do you want me to leave? 290 00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:29,840 Huh? No, you're good. Make sure you really work the sponge in there. 291 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,920 Because otherwise, that stain, like, it'll... 292 00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:34,200 - It's not clean if you don't. - Yeah. It's gonna get worse. 293 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:36,000 Charlie, what are we gonna do? We got to ditch him or something. 294 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:38,480 Tell you what. How about you and me, we go out on the town? 295 00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:40,560 You know what I mean? We celebrate this whole... 296 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,080 (whispers) Slave situation. 297 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,680 I'd love to, Charlie. I really would but we don't have any money. 298 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:48,440 - What are we gonna do? - Oh, I got money. 299 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,160 - What? - I got a whole bunch of money, bro. 300 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,040 Frank's been hiding all of his money in my account. 301 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,560 And why was I not made aware of this before? 302 00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:00,880 Uh, it's got something to do with the vig. 303 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:02,120 What's a vig? 304 00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:04,320 Well, you know how gangsters, they talk about a vig? 305 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:06,480 - Yeah? - And it means... 306 00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:09,240 - Yeah. Oh, a vig! - A vig. 307 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,720 - Yeah. Well, you should have a vig. - I should have a vig, right? 308 00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:14,560 - And Frank didn't give me one. - It's bullshit! You deserve a vig. 309 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,280 - I do. I'm a good guy, right? - You're a great guy. 310 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,320 We're all great guys who deserve vigs. We're good people. 311 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,840 All right, here's the plan. We're gonna slip out of here, okay? 312 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,680 We're gonna hit an ATM. We'll take out just a little bit of cash. 313 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:26,760 - Just a little. - Just enough. He won't even notice. 314 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:29,400 Just enough to have a quiet night out. 315 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:34,040 (whooping) Here's some for you! Here's some for you! 316 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:37,200 And here's some for you! (laughs) 317 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:41,520 (rooster crows) (alarm clock rings) 318 00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:44,920 Oh, God. 319 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,480 Oh, shit! 320 00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:50,280 Dennis! 321 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:53,520 - Dennis! - What happened? 322 00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:57,960 It's 4:00. (shudders) 323 00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:00,560 I'm freezing and I'm sweating all at once. 324 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:02,840 I think I may have peed in my pants. 325 00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:04,640 We missed our doctor's appointment. 326 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:07,800 Well, only by an hour. If we hurry, maybe they'll still see us. 327 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:12,040 It was yesterday. We missed our appointment by an hour and a day. 328 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:14,200 We slept through a whole day? 329 00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:16,920 - I feel awful. - I feel like I'm gonna die! 330 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:18,760 I don't wanna feel like this anymore, Deandra. 331 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:22,600 Mmm-mmm. Me either. Okay, listen. 332 00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:24,800 Maybe if I make a phone call right now, 333 00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:26,720 we'll be able to make another appointment. 334 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,400 You think he'll see us on such short notice? 335 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:30,840 We have got to try. 336 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,600 Hey, man. Thanks for seeing us on such short notice. 337 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,880 - That's what I do, baby. - Two more, please. 338 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:41,440 That guy. Yeah. 339 00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:44,800 No, these are old, and I need to get new head shots. 340 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:47,480 Because you can't have an agent without head shots. 341 00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,320 Dennis, when you become a veterinarian, 342 00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:53,200 will you buy me some new head shots? Please? Dennis? 343 00:15:53,480 --> 00:15:56,880 - Hey! Dennis! Hey, Dennis. - Huh. What? 344 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,280 When you become a veterinarian, will you buy me head shots, please? 345 00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:01,720 Hey! Hey, get out of here, you piece of shit! (dog barking) 346 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:03,760 Yeah, I'll buy you stuff. 347 00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,080 I'll buy you lots of things. (exhales) 348 00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:09,160 I'm definitely gonna buy a bunch of crack. 349 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:12,240 (all laughing) 350 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,920 - Hey! Hey, that's Dennis and Dee! - Driver, pull over! 351 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:28,480 Hey, Dennis! Dee! 352 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:32,120 - Oh. - Hey. 353 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:36,440 - Guys. Hey. - Hey. Hey. 354 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:39,880 - Hey, how's it going? - Oh, yeah. It's gonna... 355 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,000 We're putting a couple things together lately. 356 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:46,240 - Hey, uh, are you guys holding? - Holding what? 357 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:49,960 Holding... Do you have any money? 358 00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:52,520 - Please? - Oh, um... 359 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:54,760 - I just need a little bit of money. - Charlie, wait! 360 00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:56,160 DEE: Charlie, wait! DENNIS: No! 361 00:16:56,480 --> 00:17:00,480 Driver, we're done here. (all laughing) 362 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:08,840 That's enough whining, for crying out loud! 363 00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,120 I think it might be broken. 364 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,880 I told you not to act like such a nancy boy out there. 365 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:14,280 Something was bound to happen. 366 00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:16,360 I didn't think it was full-contact. 367 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:20,120 How do you expect to become a better player if nobody pushes you? 368 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:22,320 Maria, go get us some ice and three beers. 369 00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:24,920 - I don't drink. - Me neither. 370 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:29,400 You don't drink? Jesus Christ! You two are a couple of downers. 371 00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:32,840 You work hard, you don't drink. How'd you end up on welfare? 372 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:35,120 It's a vicious cycle, Mr. Frank. 373 00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:38,240 I mean, one cannot support a family on a minimum-wage... 374 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:41,200 (cell phone rings) Oh, shh-shh-shh-shh! 375 00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:43,280 Y'ello? 376 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:45,960 This is Pam from First National Bank. Charlie Kelly, please. 377 00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:48,360 - Yeah, this is Charlie Kelly. - Hi. I'd like to speak with you 378 00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:50,760 about some recent activity on your new account. 379 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:53,640 Some recent activity on my new account? 380 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,000 - We got a big problem here, buddy. - All right. Try it again. 381 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,000 I've tried it three times, okay? It's just not working. 382 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,440 Need I remind you that the services have already been rendered, Charlie. 383 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:02,000 - We got to pay these girls. - He cut us off. 384 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:03,680 - Is there a problem? - No. 385 00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:05,760 - Not a problem here. - Yeah, I'm calling Hector. 386 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:08,080 - No, no. Don't call Hector. - I'm calling Wallace. 387 00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:11,400 We shouldn't be calling Hector or Wallace or any other large pimp. 388 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:13,920 Charlie and I are gonna handle this situation 389 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:16,400 just like we handle every situation. - Yeah, we are gonna... 390 00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:24,000 Well, you know, we'll just go back to work for a little while. 391 00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:26,440 Just for a little while 'til we have enough money to buy some more crack. 392 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,800 And then, we'll go on welfare, and I'll go be a star. 393 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:31,400 And then I can be a veterinarian of some kind. 394 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:35,320 - Maybe we should think about rehab. - Go to rehab as soon as possible. 395 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:36,680 - In a couple days. - Yeah. 396 00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:39,040 Not now. (shouting) 397 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:43,400 - Ah, Jesus Christ! That was close. - Oh, look who it is! 398 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,520 - What the hell are you doing here? - We're getting our jobs back. 399 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:49,120 - You can't have em! - We might have a drug problem. 400 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:52,520 Oh, see, I might not really care. Your positions have been filled. 401 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:54,760 - So we're gonna take yours. - You're not gonna take our jobs. 402 00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:56,680 My dad called and said that we could have your jobs. 403 00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:59,160 We need money to pay our hookers, okay? So you can't have 'em. 404 00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:02,240 - But we need money to buy crack. - Oh, I'm sorry. 405 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:05,000 Did you get addicted to crack? Did somebody get addicted to crack? 406 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,600 (mock crying) I sweat uncontrollably! 407 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:11,520 I can't get somebody to have sex with me unless I pay for it! 408 00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:16,080 (arguing) Children, what's all the fighting about? 409 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:17,680 Did you tell them that they could have our jobs? 410 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:19,560 Why don't we go on inside where it's nice and warm 411 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:21,120 and we can settle this like a family? 412 00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:24,360 - Yeah, what about the slaves? - Slaves are gone. 413 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:26,800 They were bringing me down. Plus, you know they don't drink? 414 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,240 - Drink? I want a drink. - Wait, wait, wait! 415 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:32,600 Stop a second. There are gonna be some changes made. All right? 416 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:36,640 First of all, you two from now on are gonna do all of Charlie's work. 417 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,840 - No. Not his. - Stop! 418 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:43,760 Charlie, you got a lot of balls stealing my money. 419 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:48,240 This shows leadership. I am promoting you to management. 420 00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,680 - That's why I did it. - That's fantastic! 421 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,240 That's why I did it too, Frank. I stole lots of money. What do I get? 422 00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:57,680 You get dick, because you are a follower and a thief. 423 00:19:58,120 --> 00:19:59,560 How come Charlie? Not fair. 424 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,760 - How come Charlie? - Why would you do this to us, Dad? 425 00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:06,120 Because you are crackheads, children. 426 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,400 - Crack. - Crack.