1 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:07,160 FRANK: You gotta be careful of the wire, Charlie. 2 00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:08,960 CHARLIE: I'm not gonna pinch the wire. I know what I'm doing. 3 00:00:09,120 --> 00:00:12,080 Then the brake lights don't work. Make sure it's on tight. 4 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:14,880 It's on as tight as it's gonna get! It's on good and tight. 5 00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:16,800 Dennis, I think we should get, a GPS system. 6 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:20,120 - These maps are from the '70s. - GPS system? Hell, no! 7 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:21,600 That's gonna ruin the road trip experience. 8 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:23,200 We gotta go do this old school, baby. 9 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:25,760 Maps, fresh cigarettes, fresh coffee, 10 00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:27,600 cooking out on the grill, sleeping in sleeping bags. 11 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:29,640 - Old school. - Old school, baby! 12 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:31,920 - Let's do old school! - Old school. (horn honks) Oh, shit. 13 00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:36,120 - Oh, shit. - That Sweet Dee? That's Sweet Dee. 14 00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:38,080 MAC: Oh! God damn it. What is she doing here? 15 00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:39,680 CHARLIE: What car is that? - Ah, shit. 16 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,720 - Okay, just don't say anything. - Hey, guys. 17 00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:43,240 - Hey. - What's with the trailer? 18 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:44,800 None of your business. What are you doing here so early? 19 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:46,040 Why are you at work early? 20 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:48,680 I woke up early this morning and bought a new car. It's pretty sweet. 21 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,480 - Where you guys going? - We're going to the Grand Canyon. 22 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:52,280 - God damn it, Frank! - Really? 23 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:54,320 Frank wants to see it before he dies. 24 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,280 Yeah, what happened was he told us about a road trip. 25 00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:58,080 We got all excited. We got up super early, 26 00:00:58,240 --> 00:00:59,520 and we packed the car and were hoping to get out of here 27 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:01,640 before your bus arrived. - And you were just gonna ditch me? 28 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:04,160 Nah, it's cool. I'm gonna stick around. 29 00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:06,320 - Yeah. Charlie's too scared. - He's never left Philly before. 30 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:08,480 I'm not scared! I just haven't left Philly. 31 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:10,280 - Why leave Philly, you know? - He's frightened. 32 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:11,600 - I want to go. - No, you're not going. 33 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:13,120 You can't come 'cause it'll take forever. 34 00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:15,200 And you're gonna have to pee every five minutes. It's gonna be stupid. 35 00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:17,160 I'm not gonna get stuck behind with Charlie. 36 00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:19,800 Wait a second! If you go, I'm gonna be all by myself in the bar. 37 00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:22,880 That's messed up. I mean, that's more change than... even if I want. 38 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:24,880 - Maybe I should go. - Great. We're all in. 39 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:28,000 - No, we're not all in. - Yeah, we're going. 40 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:29,360 We're going on a road trip, baby! 41 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:32,240 Why did you have to buy a new car today of all days? 42 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:33,400 I'll go get my stuff. 43 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:07,560 DEE: I can't believe you've never been out of Philly, Charlie. 44 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:10,040 - Yeah, man. What the hell? - I've never done a lot of things. 45 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:13,120 - What else have you not done, bro? - Uh, I've never eaten a pear. 46 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:16,040 - What? How is that possible? - Seriously. 47 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:18,000 Pears weird me out, dude. Where do you start with a pear? 48 00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:20,240 - The top? The bottom? - Where do you start? 49 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:22,080 - Just bite into it. It's a fruit. - You just start it. 50 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:24,640 Really? You just bite it? It's a weird-looking thing. 51 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:26,440 Okay, you know what? Pull over. I'm getting this kid a pear. 52 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:28,320 No, no. No pulling over! We've got a schedule. 53 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:29,840 Yeah, no, no. I would love to take a quick leak. 54 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:31,240 - Are you serious? - Oh, Deandra! 55 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:32,960 - We just left! - That's what I was worried about. 56 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,360 It can't just be any pear, dude. It's gotta be a fresh one. 57 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:37,400 - Let's go to the Italian market. - Oh, okay. 58 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:39,680 The Italian market is way out of our way. 59 00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:42,160 Dennis, do you have to smoke? It's coming in through my window. 60 00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:44,560 Roll your window up then, Dee, 'cause I'm a-smoking. 61 00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:46,360 The window needs to be down for the fresh air. 62 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:49,200 - I've never had blueberries either. - What are you talking about? 63 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:50,960 - That's crazy! - That is completely insane. 64 00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:53,280 We're definitely going to the Italian market. Dennis, let's go. 65 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,240 - You believe this guy? Jesus! - What guy? 66 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:57,440 Guy on the bike. He's, like, taking up the whole goddamn road. 67 00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,960 Ride on the sidewalk if you're gonna ride a bike, asshole! 68 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:02,080 (honking) What was that? 69 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:03,800 - He flicked you off, dude. - Is that what that was? 70 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:06,440 - He flicked you off, man. - Son of a bitch. 71 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:08,920 - You wanna egg him? - I wanna egg him. You got eggs? 72 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:10,440 No. That would have been good though. 73 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:11,840 - That would've been good, man. - You know what? 74 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,480 I'm gonna fire a beer across his bow. Ruffle his feathers. 75 00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:18,360 Yeah, give him a good scare? Get up real close to him. 76 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:21,640 Hey, asshole. Oh, shit! 77 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:26,680 ALL: Oh! - Oh, shit! 78 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,680 - I hit him! I hit him! - Hit him in the back of the head! 79 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:31,200 That's not how I expected that to go. 80 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:33,040 DEE: Is he okay? FRANK: Did we kill him? 81 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:34,600 I don't know. Oh, he's getting up. 82 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:36,480 FRANK: He's moving, he's moving. MAC: Yeah, he's getting up. 83 00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:38,520 - Thank God, dude. - God. Should we help him out? 84 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:39,920 MAC: And he's getting something out of his bag. 85 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:41,160 DENNIS: What's he getting? - It's a pipe. 86 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:45,480 - It's a pipe? Go, go, go, go, go! DEE: Go, go, go, go! 87 00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:49,000 - What's wrong with your tires? - The car's scraping. 88 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:50,680 CHARLIE: All right, get back to the bar. Get back to the bar. 89 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:54,320 Damn it! 90 00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:58,200 God damn it! Shit! 91 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:00,640 - These tires are destroyed. - Ah, shit! 92 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:02,880 I'm just gonna pop inside real quick, take a quick squirt. 93 00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:05,560 - Unbelievable. - What if we put doughnuts on there? 94 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:08,400 Oh, right, Frank. We're gonna go to the Grand Canyon on spare tires. 95 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:12,600 Uh, plus there's a good deal of mountain bike in your axle here. 96 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:15,240 DENNIS: Seriously, dude? - Structural damage down there. 97 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:17,040 There's leakage. Things are sparking. 98 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,720 - All right. Well, road trip's off. - No, no, no, no, no. 99 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:23,840 Road trip's not off. I have a good idea. 100 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:36,240 - Not bad, right? - Nah. 101 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:37,960 - It's kinda nice. - Lot of leg room. 102 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:40,240 - It's a smooth ride. - You got a lot of room back there? 103 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,720 Got easy access to the beers, too. I mean, that's a good touch. 104 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:44,200 New car smell. 105 00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:45,880 How do you get that in a used car? What is that? 106 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:47,480 - It's a spray. - Yeah, it's a spray. 107 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:50,400 - Is it? It's nice. - I enjoy it. I'm glad they did it. 108 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:53,000 I wish this light would hurry up and change. That's the only thing. 109 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:57,320 Hey! Hey, you bastards! (all groan) 110 00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:59,600 - You jerks! Hey! Hey! DENNIS: Ah, here we go. 111 00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:02,240 - God damn it! Get out! - All right, all right. 112 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:03,880 It's my car. I'm driving. Get out! 113 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:05,640 - I got window! - Get out! 114 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:07,880 CHARLIE: You call window, Frank? - You jerks! 115 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:10,480 DEE: You guys are dicks. 116 00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:12,400 - It took you long enough. - You were taking forever! 117 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:13,840 - Did you still want to go? - Shut up! 118 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:15,720 It's really cramped back here with this cooler. 119 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:17,280 Why don't you put the cooler in the trailer? 120 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:18,440 Because then, Dee, 121 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:20,960 we're gonna have to pull over every single time we want a beer. 122 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:22,480 That new car smell is starting to give me a headache. 123 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:23,840 - Dennis, give me a cigarette. - You want a cigarette? 124 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,320 - Yeah. - I'm gonna have one, too. 125 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:28,360 - Do you guys have to smoke in here? - Yeah, your car reeks, Dee, so... 126 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:31,160 - God, dude, this thing is so heavy! - I'm gonna get a blood clot! 127 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:33,200 Oh, my God! Why don't you put it in the trailer? 128 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,600 Why don't I put you in the trailer? 129 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,640 - Good one, Charlie. - That's actually not a bad idea. 130 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:40,240 I wouldn't mind riding back there. There's a hell of a lot more room. 131 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:42,280 I'm done with that. (both exclaim) 132 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:43,880 DEE: Oh, come on! - Oh, it's in my... 133 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:45,920 Get it! You're gonna burn a hole in the new upholstery! 134 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,240 It's not new upholstery. What makes you think it's new upholstery? 135 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:49,840 - Did you get it? - Oh, yeah! 136 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:51,920 - This sucks! - Pull over. This is terrible. 137 00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:53,440 I wanna go in the back with Dennis. 138 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:56,960 - You guys ride in back, and we... - Yeah. We'll go in the back. 139 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:04,280 Mmm. This is more like it, Frank? Got a lot of room back here. 140 00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:07,760 It's muggy back here. Muggy. My glands are starting to swell up. 141 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:08,920 - Yeah. - Well... 142 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:10,520 Maybe we crack that door a little bit. 143 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:12,720 What? And go flying out at the first corner? I don't think so, buddy. 144 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:14,560 Well, just to crack it, just a little bit. 145 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:16,000 - You want to crack it? - Yeah, we'll crack it. 146 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:18,720 - Crack it. - Whoa. Hard to stand up back here. 147 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:21,800 Furniture is what we need. We'll pick some up at the Italian market. 148 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,080 When's the last time you saw furniture in an Italian market? 149 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:26,000 Those people will sell you anything. They'll sell you their children. 150 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:27,520 - They don't care. - Provolone and salami. 151 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:28,960 They sell everything at the Italian market. 152 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:30,560 These people are like descendants of Gypsies. 153 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:32,960 They come in. They sell their shit. They bang each other. 154 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:35,440 I don't know what they do, but you get to haggle with them. It's fun. 155 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:38,000 In the meantime, I'll prop this beer bottle under the door. 156 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:39,560 All right. 157 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,280 - That's good. (grunts) - Yeah. 158 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,560 - Uh... Perfect. - There we go. 159 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:48,040 The weight of the door will keep the beer bottle in place. 160 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:49,320 Good. 161 00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:51,680 - Nice, huh? - Move over a little bit. 162 00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:53,000 Let me sit on the cooler. 163 00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:57,680 God damn it! 164 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:01,680 All right, now this I can get into. You know? A little space back here. 165 00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:04,480 You want to listen to some tunes? Got some CDs from Dennis here. 166 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,840 Hate to break it to you, but there's no CD player in here. 167 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,320 - Are you shitting me? - No. 168 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:10,040 Why would you buy a car with no CD player? 169 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:11,680 Because the guy knocked 50 bucks off. 170 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:13,440 - So you had the option? - Yeah, I had the option! 171 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:14,840 Oh, my God! And you went with the tape deck? 172 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,600 - Yes, I did, Charlie! - That is so cheap. 173 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:17,760 You're cheap! 174 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:19,640 Why did you buy this crappy little car in the first place? 175 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:21,960 Because you guys rammed my last one into a wall! 176 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:24,400 - That's why. - Whatever. What tapes do you have? 177 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:26,680 Tapes? Who has tapes anymore? 178 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,600 I thought that you would've at least made a mix for the road trip. 179 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:31,840 You didn't invite me on your road trip! 180 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,440 You don't keep a good mix tape in your car? 181 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:35,280 I just bought the car this morning, Charlie! 182 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:37,440 Are you going to yell the whole way there? 183 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:40,680 Shut up and turn the radio on. Just turn the radio on! 184 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:42,680 - Find a station. - I'm trying. 185 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:45,680 The antenna is probably broken on this piece of shit car! 186 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:49,680 - You're a piece of shit...car. - Wait. There's a tape down here. 187 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:51,240 - You got a tape? - Yeah, it's under the seat. 188 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,040 - Give it to me. Gimme. - It's jammed in the seat. 189 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:54,480 - I'm trying to give it... - Gimme, gimme, gimme, 190 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,360 gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme... 191 00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:57,800 - There we go. - Gimme, gimme, gimme... 192 00:07:57,960 --> 00:08:00,000 Calm down, dude. (cassette clicks) 193 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:05,280 (new age music playing) MAN: Inner peace is an attainable goal. 194 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:08,560 The first step is releasing the anger and aggression 195 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:10,880 that one holds inside. - Pop it out, right? Yeah. 196 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:12,280 Quickly. 197 00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:19,440 All right, I'm gonna run to the ladies' room for two seconds. 198 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:22,040 I'm gonna take my keys in case you jerks try anything. 199 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:25,360 Charlie. Get ready to scratch two things off of your bucket list. 200 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:27,640 Oh, I don't have a bucket list, dude, 'cause I'm not dying. 201 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:30,200 Everybody's dying, bitch. Let's get you some fruit. 202 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:32,400 Guys, we're gonna go grab some furniture to throw in the back. 203 00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:34,520 Ten minutes. That's all. And we meet back here. 204 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:37,040 Well, yeah. But get a good deal. I mean, talk to the guy. 205 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:38,840 - There's no rush, right? - Ten. Ten minutes. 206 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,320 - Have fun, man. Have fun. - Never had a strawberry either. 207 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,120 That's astounding. 208 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:46,120 - Charlie, I'm excited for you, bro. - Hey! 209 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:47,880 - Pears. - Nice! 210 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:49,880 One of nature's most delectable fruits. 211 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:52,720 - Excuse me, sir. How much for this? - Those are 50 cents. 212 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,480 I won't pay full price. So I'll give you a dime. 213 00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:57,800 - They're 50 cents, buddy. - Very well. I drop you a quarter. 214 00:08:57,960 --> 00:08:59,440 - No. - Okay. 35 cents. 215 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,120 I don't have time for this friggin' shit. 216 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:03,240 - Give me the 35. - Yeah! 217 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:06,320 - I talked you down. There you go. - Good barter. 218 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:07,520 All right, bozo. Thank you. 219 00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:10,400 I'm calling a lot of people bozo now. It's like my new thing. 220 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,040 - Chomp into it. - Just bite it? 221 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:15,200 Yeah. Like a piece of fruit. You would bite into it... 222 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:18,680 - Ecch! Tastes like sand. - Like sand? 223 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,440 Oh, that, that pear's not ripe, dude. 224 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:23,920 He burned us. Gypsy son of a bitch burned us. 225 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:26,920 Excuse me, sir? What are you doing to my friend, bozo? 226 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,400 - You burned us. It's dry. - You picked it out. 227 00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:32,000 Let's not get into a whole "Who picked out what." 228 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:34,200 I want my 35 cents back. Charlie, give him the pear. 229 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:37,520 - I can't. I just ate it. - The whole thing? 230 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:40,920 - Yeah. It was pretty gross. - The stem and then, and the core? 231 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:42,520 You didn't tell me not to eat the stem, dude! 232 00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:44,080 Did you eat the stickers that are all over it? 233 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:46,960 - Yeah, it was gross! - Of course it's gross! A sticker! 234 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,080 - I eat stickers all the time, dude! - Oh, my God. 235 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:52,440 This whole thing is a disaster. I'm going back to the car. 236 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:54,400 - Come on. - They got a lot of good stuff here. 237 00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:56,760 I like the rocking chair. But I do like those wicker chairs. 238 00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:58,520 They might be more forgiving on my bottom. 239 00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:00,600 - Good. - It's a tough decision though. 240 00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:03,120 - Make one, Den. Make one, please. - Make a decision? Alright. 241 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:05,680 Um, sir? Hi. We're interested in these wicker chairs, 242 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:08,000 but we're totally unwilling to pay full price for them... 243 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:10,040 - You're gonna barter with the guy? - Yeah. 244 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:13,240 We're not gonna barter with him. We'll pay full price. 245 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,120 - Get the wicker chairs. - Frank. The Gypsy wants to barter. 246 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:19,800 - We don't have time to barter. - We'll pay full price... Whoa. 247 00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:22,960 Is that a French press? How much for that fine-looking French press? 248 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:24,640 We don't need a French press, Dennis. 249 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:26,360 What, do you expect me to drink gas station coffee 250 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:28,200 all the way to the Grand Canyon? I don't think so, asshole. 251 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,440 Sir, the man will pay full price for the French press, 252 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:34,160 or I will be willing to barter with you for a very long time. 253 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:35,440 - Full price. - Great! 254 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:37,400 Hey, you guys seen anybody selling cassette tapes? 255 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:39,800 Deandra, what the hell are you doing? What are you drinking? 256 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:40,960 It's an energy drink. 257 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:42,760 You guys are drinking beer. I gotta tweak on something. 258 00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:45,680 - You'll be pissing every 15 feet. - Nah! Come on. 259 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:47,360 I know what I'm doing. I'm buying you a piss jar. 260 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:50,240 Ooh! Hold on a second. I think I see some tapes down there. 261 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,040 - I'm gonna go barter with that guy. - Barter with the Gypsy. 262 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,320 Dude, I'm telling you, it's black to yellow. And no one ever uses... 263 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:58,680 Black to yellow? No, dude. It's blue to something. 264 00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:00,000 - And hurry up, man. - It's blue to something. 265 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,680 Use the black to yellow, and the car will start. Oh, shit! 266 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:05,160 You guys, check it out. I found this Soul Asylum tape, 267 00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:08,200 and I totally talked the guy down to half the asking price. 268 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:09,760 Oh, God damn it! 269 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,520 Yeah. There was a bunch of wires hanging down, and I was trying to... 270 00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:15,240 - Shut up! Just shut up! - Here's your piss jar. 271 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:17,640 Yo, Frank, I'm gonna hop in the back with Dennis. 272 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:19,080 - You want to switch with me? - Switch-ola? 273 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:21,440 They're gonna argue the whole way. I don't wanna listen to it. 274 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,360 I don't like it in there anyway. 275 00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:29,120 - You want a cup of joe, my man? - Oh yeah, definitely, dude. 276 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:31,080 I got a pipin'-hot one ready for you right now. 277 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:34,480 Hook me up, bro. Hook me up! All right. (laughs) 278 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:37,280 That's a pretty sweet duct tape rig you got going on the door, man. 279 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:38,920 DENNIS: Yeah, you like that? Taped the chairs down, too. 280 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:40,080 - So they don't slide any. - I know. 281 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:42,080 But you stopped at the grill, and that's got me confused. 282 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:43,760 - Ran out of tape, actually. - Oh, right. 283 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:45,040 It's not gonna slide through the crack? 284 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:46,760 It won't because I measured the crack, and the crack is smaller 285 00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:48,120 than the height of the grill. 286 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:49,960 - We are all hooked up here, dude. - Mmm. 287 00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:52,640 Now, are you nervous at all about leaving Philly? 288 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,400 Like, is anything bad gonna happen? 289 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:57,240 (chuckles) I don't think so, man. I'm excited about it. 290 00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:00,320 I've never been outside of Philly. I don't know what people are like. 291 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:03,160 - Well, people are people. - Nobody's gonna be, like, a dick? 292 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:05,400 There are probably gonna be some dicks out there. Yeah, sure. 293 00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:07,760 - I'll be there. I'll back you up. - Hey, thanks, man. 294 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:10,840 I tell you what will help. Shotgun a beer? 295 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,480 - That'll calm my nerves. - It sure will. Let's do that. 296 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:22,920 MAC: I'm bored. DEE: Yeah. 297 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:26,120 Let's play a drinking game. Name all 50 states. Drink while you think. 298 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:27,680 That's gonna suck. I'm not drinking. 299 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:28,960 Frank, will you drive for a little bit? 300 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:31,000 I've been drinking all day. 301 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:33,680 Fine. Uh, go. Maine. 302 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,080 - Uh, New Hampshire. - Vermont. 303 00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:36,520 - Philly. - North Virginia. 304 00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:38,280 - South Virginia. - East Virginia. 305 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:40,800 Uh, South Virginia. Did I say that already? 306 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:42,760 - Are you guys shitting me? - Shit. All right. Start over. 307 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:44,760 No, I'm not gonna start over. I was right. The game sucks. 308 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:46,600 It's the drinking that's the amusing part. 309 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:51,000 I got an idea. 310 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:55,520 Georgia. That's six. 311 00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:57,440 Oh. I was gonna... 312 00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:01,600 - No. (laughs) - Jesus Christ. 313 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:02,840 You guys are gonna be hammered 314 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,440 before I'm finished naming the East Coast. 315 00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:08,400 Bro, I gotta cook up some hot dogs, man. 316 00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:10,440 All right. I got a proposition for you, man. Check this out. 317 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,280 What do you say we smash these wicker chairs to bits, 318 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:15,480 put them in the middle of the U-Haul, which is metal, 319 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:17,520 and we burn the wicker chairs and cook the hot dogs on that? 320 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:19,840 What do you mean? Cook the hot dogs over the fire? 321 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,000 And then we'll get some new wicker chairs next time we're at a... 322 00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:23,400 A Gypsy hangout spot. 323 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:25,560 Okay. You think we're gonna be going to a lot of those? 324 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:28,280 'Cause I feel like I already dodged a bullet once today. 325 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,120 - What do you mean? - Well, I mean, you know, 326 00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:32,680 Gypsies, I don't want anyone shrinking my head and shit. 327 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:35,720 Yeah. Well, first of all, 328 00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:39,000 t was not Gypsies that did that. That's sort of a witch doctor thing. 329 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:41,200 But either way, neither one of them can shrink heads. 330 00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:45,760 - Let's burn the chairs. - Couple hot dogs will calm me down. 331 00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:48,080 Thanks for driving. 332 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,320 - I really appreciate the ride. - Yeah. 333 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:54,320 (slurring) So you're headed to Hollywood, huh? 334 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:57,800 - Yeah. - Oh, my God. 335 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,760 Oh, my God. You're running away from home, aren't you? 336 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:06,840 - Um, yeah, maybe. Kinda. - Oh, no, no, no. 337 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:10,600 Sweet baby, they're gonna eat you alive in Hollywood. 338 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:13,280 (gasps) Oh, you're definitely gonna end up doing gay porn 339 00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:18,560 with this tiny little body of yours. Oh, man, kid. 340 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:22,600 I'll be fine. I've actually got an uncle out there that's... 341 00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:24,760 Shh. 342 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:29,720 I got something you need to hear about. 343 00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:32,600 Hold on a second. 344 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:37,760 (cassette clicks) #Just easier Than dealin' with the pain 345 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:41,240 #Runaway train never comin' back 346 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:45,440 #Wrong way on a one-way track# 347 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:49,560 Right. I've actually got this uncle out there that said that... 348 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:53,440 #Seems like I'm neither Here nor there 349 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:57,440 #Runaway train Tearin' up the, the track 350 00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:01,400 #Runaway train Tearin' up the track# 351 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:05,160 (music continues) (slurring) Shit. 352 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:09,920 (gasps) What is that? Is that piss? 353 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:11,680 Is that piss? Pull over! 354 00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:14,120 You might as well pull over. He's just gonna keep yelling. 355 00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:17,400 Pull over, you little dick! (groans) Stop the car! 356 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,800 Jesus Christ, Dee! I'm covered in piss! 357 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:22,600 Well, maybe you shouldn't have had your window down! 358 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:25,000 Maybe you shouldn't be throwing jars of pee out the window! 359 00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:26,160 Maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't. 360 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:27,600 - It's up for debate. - You shouldn't! 361 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:28,760 What the hell is that? 362 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:35,720 (Mac coughs, spits) Oh! Oh! Oh. (coughing) 363 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:40,480 Holy shit! 364 00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:48,440 Damn. It's dark, and we haven't even left Philly yet. (coughing) 365 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:51,240 I'm so sorry, dude. I don't know what happened, man. 366 00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,480 It's like, we lit the chairs, and there must've been a glaze 367 00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:56,680 on the wicker or something. 'Cause we passed out instantly. 368 00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:58,400 Some sort of a poison glaze. 369 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:00,000 What are we, 20 minutes away from the bar? 370 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,360 Yeah, we're close. I use this gas station all the time. 371 00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:05,200 Sorry. Took longer than I thought. There was a line for the bathroom. 372 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:07,920 Hey-oh! Check out this couch I found by the dumpster. 373 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:10,560 - Toss it in. Nice. - Got it, buddy. 374 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,080 Wait. What's the plan here? You guys are still gonna ride in the back? 375 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:14,480 - Oh, yeah. - I sure as shit am, dude. 376 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,760 You're not gonna get the smell of piss out of that car for weeks. 377 00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:19,280 - Yeah, it's pretty bad. I'm in. - Me too. 378 00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:21,440 You guys getting in, too? All right, let's do it. 379 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:24,840 All right, whatever. Have fun in the death trap! 380 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,000 I guess I'm riding with you, bro. 381 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,360 Hey, you're not gonna sing to me, are you? 382 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:31,880 I might. 383 00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:34,640 (sighs) All right. 384 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:39,680 Hey, you know, Dee, I didn't want to say anything back there 385 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:41,320 'cause I didn't want to be rude to the kid, 386 00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:43,680 but you really gotta be careful just picking up hitchhikers. 387 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:46,880 I know. But the kid was really young and sweet and innocent-looking. 388 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:48,720 Right. But those are the ones you gotta watch out for. 389 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:50,320 Those are the most dangerous hitchhikers, 390 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:54,040 that lure you into thinking they're sane by acting like normal people. 391 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,480 They act like they're normal and then they carve you up. 392 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:59,160 No way. Wasn't gonna happen. I had my eyes on him the whole time. 393 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:01,560 See, I've always got an "A," "B" and a "C" strike plan 394 00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,800 to get us out of any potentially life-threatening situation. 395 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:05,880 Yeah. He probably just carved up his mother and father 396 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:08,040 and he's running away on the road. - Could be, Frank. 397 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:10,120 All I'm saying is that I'm ready for any situation. 398 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,080 And that's why you're all safe as long as I'm around. 399 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,840 Yeah. I did an ocular pat-down and I cleared him. 400 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,480 - Say what? - I'm sorry? 401 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:18,160 I'm saying that I did an ocular assessment of the situation, 402 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:21,000 garnered that he was not a security risk, and I cleared him for passage. 403 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:22,520 (chuckling) "Ocular pat-down." 404 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:24,120 What in the hell are you talking about? 405 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:26,880 I'm talking about breaking down the security situation, 406 00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:29,440 clearing an individual and making it safe for passage. 407 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:36,320 How exactly do you view yourself within the context of our group? 408 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:39,360 The sheriff of Paddy's. 409 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:42,360 - I can't have this conversation. - The sheriff of Paddy's? 410 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,480 I want to unfold this thing. I'm gonna pass out. 411 00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:46,600 Got a long trip ahead of us. 412 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:48,480 - Careful. FRANK: I got it. 413 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:53,400 (birds chirping) (Frank snoring) 414 00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:56,280 (muttering in sleep) 415 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:02,360 (grumbles) Aah! Aah! Get off me, dude! 416 00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:05,880 Are we moving? 417 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:08,680 I think we're stopped. Dee, what time is it? 418 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:11,720 - 7:00 a.m. - 7:00 a.m.? 419 00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:12,960 We've been driving all night. 420 00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:14,760 - We're not moving, are we? - No. 421 00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:17,240 Shit. You think we're, like, halfway there? 422 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:18,720 - Where do you think we are? - I wonder how far we got. 423 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,000 MAC: I wonder if we're like... 424 00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:26,160 What the hell is this? (Frank groans) 425 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,640 - Oh, are we back at Paddy's? - Wait. Where the hell is my car? 426 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,200 - Oh, goddamn! - Shit balls! 427 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:35,720 (gasps) (yawns) 428 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:38,760 Ah, you guys are back! How was the Grand Canyon? 429 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:40,200 What the hell happened to my car, Charlie? 430 00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:43,840 I don't know. Last thing I remember, uh, we were at the gas station. 431 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,520 And then you hopped in back, and I hopped in front with the hitchhiker. 432 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:47,960 Then I got freaked out about leaving Philly, 433 00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:49,440 so I asked him if he'd drop me off back here. 434 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,160 And he said he'd take you guys to the Grand Canyon, 435 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:52,920 and then I drank all night and passed out. 436 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:54,760 And then you guys were getting here now, so I figured... 437 00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:56,120 Did you go and come back? 438 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:57,600 He didn't take us to the Grand Canyon. 439 00:18:57,760 --> 00:18:59,880 He detached the trailer and stole my car! 440 00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:01,120 - Really? - Yeah! 441 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:03,880 The weird thing is that Mac had cleared him as a security risk. 442 00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:06,080 Did an ocular pat-down on him. Amazing, right? 443 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:07,640 - You cleared him, Mac? - I cleared him. 444 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:09,480 - God damn it! - I thought he was clear! 445 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:11,400 He wasn't clear! I'm calling the cops. 446 00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:13,480 I thought Mac cleared him. I didn't think there'd be a problem. 447 00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:15,720 - I don't know how... - I had a good time on the trip. 448 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:18,280 Looking on the bright side of things. All right? 449 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:19,720 Let's drink some beers, man. I'm hung-over as shit. 450 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:21,400 - Absolutely, man. - Little hair of the dog. 451 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,920 That was the closest I ever got to being out of Philly, man. 452 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:25,480 - All right, cheers. - Cheers, you guys. 453 00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:26,960 - Texas. Oops. - State game? 454 00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:28,600 - Ohio. - Rhode Island. 455 00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:30,440 - Nice. - Uh, Detroit. 456 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,000 Nope. That's not a state. Drink. 457 00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:34,720 - Milwaukee! - Jesus H. Christ.