1 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:05,120 MAC: Just use 'em, dude. 2 00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:07,560 CHARLIE: I'm not going to wear gloves while I work! 3 00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:10,080 - I'm sorry, it makes no sense. - It absolutely makes sense. 4 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:13,320 You're a janitor who snakes toilets with his bare hands. 5 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:14,760 So my hands get a little dirty from time to time. 6 00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:16,960 I appreciate the concern, but I'm fine. 7 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:19,040 It's not for you! It's for us! (door opens) 8 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,800 DEE: Use gloves! - Oh, look at this. Check it out. 9 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:27,080 The Restaurant and Bar Association's Best Bar Award is comin' up. 10 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:28,360 We could get nominated. 11 00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:30,560 Frank, we never get nominated for awards, okay? 12 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:31,960 And we don't give a shit, because they're stupid. 13 00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:33,640 Yeah, we don't care about that kind of stuff, all right? 14 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:36,960 Look, am I curious as to why we never get nominated? Sure, yeah. 15 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,800 - Do I care? Not in the slightest. - No, I don't care about it. 16 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:43,360 I mean, all right. It's a little odd we've never been nominated. 17 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:44,600 DENNIS: Yes, it's odd. 18 00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:46,520 At some point it becomes a little aggressive. 19 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:49,800 So what is it? We don't deserve it? We're not cool enough? 20 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:51,360 - Whoa. (whistles) - Whoa, okay, Frank. 21 00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:54,200 Now, if... If I do something, you better believe it's cool. 22 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:56,760 If I put my name on somethin', it's gonna be award-worthy. 23 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,040 I can't imagine that other people are doing what we're doing better. 24 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,320 - I mean, it's serving up drinks. - It's just upsetting. 25 00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:03,520 - I'm sorry, I'm getting upset. - I don't care about winning. 26 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:06,880 If you wanna get a nomination, you gotta play the game. 27 00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:09,480 I don't wanna play a game to get an award. That feels lame. 28 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:11,960 It is lame. Oh, is that your ass? (smooches) 29 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:13,320 (in quivering voice) Oh, closer to the hole, sir? 30 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:15,600 (smooches, groans) You know what's lame? 31 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:18,560 Bein' around this long and never gettin' an award. 32 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:20,880 Makes you look like a bunch of assholes. 33 00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:23,840 You're really driving this home, and it's upsetting, 34 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,760 because, like, now I'm gettin' the neck thing. 35 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:28,920 - I feel... I'm getting upset. - Yeah, your neck's goin' nuts? 36 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:31,400 You're getting that? They're making me feel like an asshole. 37 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:33,040 BOTH: They are making us feel like assholes. 38 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:35,280 All right, you know what? We'll play the game. I'll kiss ass. 39 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:37,680 - Yeah, let's play the game. - I'm okay with it, who cares? 40 00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:39,280 All right, fine. Let's play the game. 41 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:40,840 But I wanna be very clear about something. 42 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,800 (scoffs) This literally means nothing to me. 43 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:08,160 MAC: This office sucks. 44 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:10,240 - It smells bad and it's stuffy. - Yup. 45 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:11,840 It's the Restaurant and Bar Association, 46 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:14,760 a stuffy organization. They're not in touch with young people like us. 47 00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:17,080 Some old boner gives me attitude, I'm gonna spit in his face. 48 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:18,400 He starts givin' me shit, I'll spit at him. 49 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:20,600 - We should all spit. - We're not spittin', all right? 50 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:22,560 Just keep your mouth shut and let me do the talkin'. 51 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:23,840 I know what I'm doin'. 52 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,520 - Okay. - Sorry. Sorry to keep you waiting. 53 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:28,560 FRANK: Frank Reynolds, Paddy's Pub. 54 00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:31,680 These are my associates. Stand up. Show him some respect. 55 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:34,040 - I stand for no one. - Please, it's not necessary. 56 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:36,360 - Have a seat. - You heard the man. Sit down. 57 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:38,200 Well, now I feel like standing. 58 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:41,760 But I don't want to stand through an entire meeting 'cause I don't know 59 00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:44,760 how long it's gonna last, so I'll sit down. It's my choice. 60 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:47,360 With much dignity and grace, 61 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:49,840 we've come to talk to you about the Best Bar Award. 62 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:53,280 Now, in the past, our group has not 63 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:56,400 paid you any attention. 64 00:02:56,560 --> 00:03:01,960 But now we are prepared to pay you what you deserve. 65 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:06,640 - In attention. If you get my drift. - I don't. 66 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:09,720 - Ponder lettuce and shrimp. - Excuse me? 67 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:12,640 He's inviting you out to lunch. You gonna go or not, yes or no? 68 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:15,560 Actually, it's 3:30 in the afternoon. I've already eaten. 69 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:16,760 This dickhead doesn't want a second... 70 00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:19,240 He's being offered lettuce and shrimp. He doesn't wanna... 71 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:20,840 (mock sobbing) Hey, everybody, I had food. 72 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,160 DEE: You know what, I am out of here. I don't need this limpdick 73 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:25,240 telling me whether my bar's cool, okay? (hawking) 74 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:28,080 No, no, no! No spittin'. (all hawking) 75 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:30,040 (wretching) FRANK: Whoa, whoa, whoa. 76 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:34,880 Look, how much is it gonna cost us to get on the ballot? 77 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:36,240 - Ten dollars. - Huh? 78 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:40,800 The entry fee is $10. All you have to do is fill out the paperwork. 79 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:42,920 Why have we never received this form? 80 00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:46,400 Well, we've actually sent you the form many times in the past. 81 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:51,040 As I recall, it always comes back covered in fecal matter, urine, and 82 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:52,640 racial slurs. 83 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,280 - Oh. - That was a joke. 84 00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:56,760 Hey, you know, that's just, like, all in good fun, man. 85 00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:59,200 That's just our sense of humor. You'll get us. (all chattering) 86 00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:01,480 Shut up! Let bygones be bygones. 87 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:04,880 DENNIS: Yeah. Right, right. - We're here now to play the game. 88 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:08,720 - Yes. Playing the game. - I assume you take cash. 89 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:11,400 (explodes) DEE: Oh! So sorry. (Mac and Dennis laughing) 90 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:13,520 That wasn't meant for you. That was actually meant for you. 91 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:16,280 We thought maybe you would think that was funny. 92 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:18,760 If it exploded in your face, but I can tell by the look on your face 93 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:20,480 that you don't think that's funny. That's not your style. 94 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,600 - No, that's a shame. - That's sort of our sense of humor. 95 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:25,200 Guys, he's not gonna get us. I think we gotta get out of here. 96 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:26,560 DENNIS: All right, guy. 97 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:29,600 FRANK: What'd I say, idiots? 98 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:32,360 You wanna get nominated, you gotta play the game. 99 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:35,480 We are playing the game, Frank. We're just not vibing with that guy. 100 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:37,040 - He's a stiff. - We were vibrating, 101 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:38,920 but maybe at a different frequency than that guy. 102 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:41,360 Frank is right. No, Frank is right, though. We are too fringe. 103 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:42,960 I mean, yeah, it's given us a lot of street cred, 104 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,480 but I think we've alienated a lot of people in this town. 105 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:48,000 Yeah. You wanna win awards, you gotta campaign for it. 106 00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:51,120 - It's an industry award. - It's true. We know we're cool. 107 00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:54,400 And our customers know we're cool, but the industry doesn't get it yet. 108 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,800 All right, can you guys actually drop me off back at the bar? 109 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:58,600 I'm gonna go work on the Best Song. 110 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,720 - What Best Song? - The Best Song Award. 111 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:04,880 There's no Best Song Award. What are you talking about? 112 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:06,800 Well, that's all the more reason to do a Best Song, right? 113 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:08,120 We'll be the only bar who did it. 114 00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:10,040 And that's a good chance. We'll cover all the bases. 115 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,640 I'll tell you what. Let's drop him off either way. 116 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:13,800 - Okay. - That sounds good 117 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:15,960 - Good idea. - Come on. 118 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,200 #Where you think you're goin', baby 119 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:23,480 #Hey, I just met you And this is crazy 120 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:26,920 #But here's my number So call me maybe# 121 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:29,840 I can't believe that this place won Best Bar. 122 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,640 I mean, who comes to this place? 123 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:35,320 A shitload of people. Sudz is a super popular place. 124 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:37,360 I can't believe how bright it is in here. I don't like it. 125 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:39,920 Yeah. And what's with all the loud, fake colors? 126 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:42,000 - I mean, where's the subtlety? - All right, let's go grab a drink. 127 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:44,320 - We'll suss out the competition. - I'm gonna go find the manager. 128 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:46,800 Introduce myself, give him this swag bag. 129 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,920 - What's in that bag? - Stuff I had our names printed on. 130 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:52,480 I got a bottle opener, a keychain, egg. 131 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:54,920 - Why would you give him an egg? - It's like a paperweight. 132 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:58,840 Trust me, Deandra. People eat this shit up. You gotta play the game. 133 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,440 - I know how to do it. - All right. Good luck. 134 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:02,960 - Let's get a drink. - Yup. (sighs) 135 00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:06,480 Hey, guys. How you doin'? (grunts) My name is Greg. 136 00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:09,560 I'll be your bartender tonight. You ever been to Sudz before? 137 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:10,800 (Mac and Dennis laughing) You wish. 138 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:13,200 - Don't think so, pal. - Okay, well, welcome, then. 139 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:14,840 For our first-timers, I like to recommend 140 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,680 our blended signature cocktail, The Blue Hole. 141 00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:20,880 It's served with three straws in a fishbowl. It's pretty darn good. 142 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,680 Some people say it's better than an orgasm. (laughs) 143 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:25,880 Not that he's ever had one. Oh! (laughs) 144 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:29,080 (all laughing) (Maxwell laughs) GREG: Okay, Maxwell. 145 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:30,400 Remind me to find a new best friend. 146 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:32,800 (makes honking noise, laughs) (makes honking noises) 147 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,320 Ugh. (groans) 148 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,160 Two margaritas for table six, Greg. 149 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:39,320 Hey, Amanda. What's wrong? Lemme guess. 150 00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,280 Your boyfriend canceled on you again. 151 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:44,640 Conference got extended. (sighs) What can I say? He loves his work. 152 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:48,240 Well, I think he should spend a little less time on his work 153 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:50,240 and a little more time on you. 154 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:52,160 ALL: Aw. 155 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:55,040 - Thanks. You're so sweet. - Hmm. 156 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:57,560 - What in the hell is happening? - What are they doing? 157 00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:00,520 Okay, sorry about that. So, one Blue Hole? 158 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:03,640 Uh, well, let's see. There's three of us, so, three drinks. 159 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,960 Yeah, well, they're generally shared, 'cause they're pretty big... 160 00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:07,640 - We said three, dickbag. - Get three! 161 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:08,800 Mmm-hmm. 162 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:12,120 - I don't care for that guy. - Me neither. Too soft. 163 00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:14,960 I want a little edge in my bartender. This is Philadelphia. 164 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:16,120 What's with the, uh... 165 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:18,080 What's with the black friend that no one is acknowledging? 166 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:20,680 Is black... I feel like it's weird if you don't talk about that. 167 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,280 It's strange to have one black friend 168 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:23,680 and not be constantly talking about it. 169 00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:25,800 Yeah, shine a light on it. Make sure everybody sees and knows, 170 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,120 like, "I have a black friend," and that's a thing. 171 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,560 'Cause it's weird that a black person is friends with white people. 172 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:31,920 It's not that weird, but it's a thing. 173 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:33,240 - I don't think it is. - It is. 174 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:34,600 Here you guys go. 175 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:36,440 - Oh. - There we go. 176 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:41,120 (bell ringing) (all cheering) Oh, drink up! 177 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:44,440 - What the hell was that? - That's a Sudz alert. 178 00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:46,960 When we ring that bell, everybody's gotta drink, right? 179 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:48,720 Yeah! (laughs) 180 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:51,080 I don't need a bell telling me when to drink. 181 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:52,640 I'll drink when I'm goddamn good and thirsty. 182 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:54,240 I'm pretty sure I know when to take a drink. 183 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:56,520 Screw their stupid bell, you know? 184 00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:59,520 I wish I had drank when everybody else drank, though, 185 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,320 'cause it seemed like fun. - Now I feel left out. 186 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:02,800 - Let's drink now. - Together? 187 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,160 Now I'm angry. 188 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:15,120 - What are you doing in my office? - Oh. (laughs) 189 00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:16,800 You snuck up on me. (laughs) 190 00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:19,160 (talking with mouth full) Frank Reynolds, owner of Paddy's Pub. 191 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:21,520 I just thought I'd come by and say hello. 192 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:26,160 Pay my respects. Also, I got you a little goody bag here. 193 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:29,400 Some trinkets, knickknacks that you might enjoy. 194 00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:32,440 - There's a broken egg in here. - Oh, shit. 195 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,280 That wasn't the hard-boiled one. 196 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:36,160 Hey, you want me to cook that up for you? 197 00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:41,240 #We are never ever ever 198 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:44,200 - #Getting back together# - Ooh! Goddamn. 199 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:46,360 - That went down easy. I like this. - Yeah. 200 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,640 - I'm startin' to like this place. - It's growin' on me, too. 201 00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:50,720 I like the chemistry that the staff have. 202 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:53,560 Did you guys see that charged moment between Greg and Amanda? 203 00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:54,960 - Yes. - Boy, I tell ya. 204 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:58,680 She's got a boyfriend, but I think she and Greg should end up together. 205 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:00,480 I'd like to come back next week to see if they do. 206 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:02,320 - Yeah. Me, too. - You know? I mean, she is cute. 207 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:04,040 - She is just super cute, right? - She's cute. 208 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:05,440 - So cute. - She is very cute. 209 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,840 - She's not funny, though, so. - But she doesn't need to be funny 210 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,320 because she's cute, she's loveable, everybody likes her, 211 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,600 and then, if she can tell a joke, hey, it's just a bonus, you know? 212 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:13,800 Let's get outta this dump. 213 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:15,680 Oh, actually, this place is not a dump, Frank. 214 00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:19,280 It's pretty great. Hey, hey, Greg, can you get this man a Blue Hole? 215 00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:21,280 DENNIS: You gotta try this thing. FRANK: I got news for you. 216 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:25,320 Our secret's out, and it stinks. This manager's been to Paddy's, 217 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:28,920 and he said it's nothin' but a bunch of people yellin' over each other. 218 00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,160 So what? That's what we do. We yell at each other, 219 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,640 and if people wanna tune in and listen, then they're welcome to. 220 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,040 Yeah, but I think that's off-putting to the customer. 221 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:36,840 I mean, Greg would never yell at Amanda. 222 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,280 FRANK: All right, I'll tell you what we gotta do. 223 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:41,920 We gotta up our game. We should host an industry night. 224 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:44,440 Invite all the people who vote, who's in the industry, 225 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:46,880 to come to our bar, and we'll show 'em what we're made of. 226 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,560 Yeah, yeah. But I'd like to tweak a little bit of who we are 227 00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:51,800 and what we're made of, right? Soften the edges a little bit. 228 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,280 All right. We'll tweak it a little bit. 229 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:55,480 We'll show these bastards who's award-worthy. 230 00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:57,680 Yeah. (bell ringing) (all cheering) 231 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:00,520 Drink! Drink! (laughing) 232 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:04,040 If we're gonna show these industry folks tonight that we're likeable, 233 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,240 we need to have some funny banter like Greg and Maxwell have. 234 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:09,080 Yeah. Don't worry. I'm gonna be zingin' one-liners all night long. 235 00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:11,200 Uh, actually, Dee, you won't be zinging anything around, 236 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:13,960 because men are intimidated by funny women. All right? 237 00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:17,000 So, what we need you to be is just pretty and benign. 238 00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:19,920 We are gonna do a will they or won't they thing between you and Mac. 239 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:22,280 - Dee and I don't wanna be together. - No. 240 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:25,040 But the customers want you to be together. That's fun for them. 241 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,560 Why would it be fun to watch two people not want to be together? 242 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:29,400 Well, no. You do want to be together, okay? 243 00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:31,440 The customers have to think that you think 244 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:32,840 that you don't want to be together, 245 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,040 but you do, deep down, want to be together. 246 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:36,400 The problem is, right now, I'm getting that you guys 247 00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:38,840 don't want to be together. I need you to want to be together. 248 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,360 - Oh. - Question. 249 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:42,960 Yes, you're wondering how we're gonna make Dee attractive enough 250 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:44,480 to where you'll want to be with her. - Yes. 251 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:46,600 Okay. See, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna shellac her with makeup, 252 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:49,120 and I'm gonna blast her with light to soften up all those features. 253 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:51,720 - I am into that, yes. - Yes. 254 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:54,560 Okay, great. So. Guys, I got us banter cards. 255 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,240 Mac, you're gonna welcome the customer in, 256 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:58,600 and then I'm gonna execute with a quip. Let's give it a shot. 257 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:00,680 "Hey! I'm Mac. Welcome to Paddy's Pub. 258 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:02,280 "I would like to recommend to first-timers 259 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:04,600 "our signature blended drink, Caribbean Paradise. 260 00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:06,680 "People say it's better than an orgasm." 261 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:08,080 Not that he's ever had one. 262 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,480 I've had orgasms! I've had tons of orgasms! 263 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:12,680 I've had one with your mom, dude! I will strangle you. 264 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,640 I'll stick my goddamn thumb through your eye! 265 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:18,320 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Dude, relax. Sit down. What are you doin'? 266 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:21,960 You came at me. And I gave it back to you hard, 'cause... 267 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:24,760 Uh, yeah, I'm getting that. Look, I'm just doin' the thing. 268 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,680 See? What you just did, that's how we normally talk. 269 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:29,960 - That's very aggressive. - I came at you hard. 270 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:32,600 You came hard, and people aren't comfortable with that behavior. 271 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,520 That's why we're tryin' somethin' different here. 272 00:11:34,680 --> 00:11:36,760 Okay, guys? Memorize these lines, okay? 273 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:38,640 We need to seem like it's comin' off the cuff. 274 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:41,640 Right. Plus, (scoffs) she didn't even feel a thing. (laughs) 275 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:43,680 - What? - What? 276 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:46,560 That's the punch line to Mac bangin' our mom. 277 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:48,440 She didn't even notice. (laughs) 278 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:51,400 Oh, Dee, Jesus Christ, your timing is so bad. 279 00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:53,160 - He just said it. - Look, there's a timing concern. 280 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:56,040 Stop. Don't do the jokes. Let's settle into our new roles here. 281 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,400 (door opens) Change of plans. Change of plans. 282 00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:01,240 We gotta go darker with Industry Night. Edgier. 283 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:02,760 No. Frank, don't derail us. 284 00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:04,880 We're doin' bright lights, bright colors, and funny banter. 285 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:06,880 - That's what wins. - Wrong. 286 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:09,800 Artemis and I went to a burlesque bar last night. 287 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:12,680 There were women strippin', but it was classy. 288 00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:16,760 It was dimly lit. They were servin' martinis. Period costumes. 289 00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:18,120 There weren't a lot of people in there, 290 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:20,680 but this bar has won a shitload of awards. 291 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,680 Do you guys think that our location is the problem? 292 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,520 That could be it, yeah. Well, no. 293 00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:26,480 See, there was that bar that just opened last year 294 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:29,440 right down the street, and they've already won a ton of awards. 295 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:30,840 - Mmm-hmm. - Ah, right. 296 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,240 Is it us? 297 00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:33,560 (scoffs) 298 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:36,240 - No. No, no, no. - Us? 299 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:37,480 - No way. - No, it can't be us. 300 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:39,920 - I highly doubt it's us. - It's their problem, not us. 301 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,520 - We don't have the... CHARLIE: Yo! Hey, hey, hey! 302 00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:45,440 - I got it! I got it! - Got what? 303 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:48,360 The Best Song. I wrote it. It's amazing. Get with the program. 304 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:51,000 Yes, Charlie, please. We're all clamoring to hear. 305 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:54,320 (in deep voice) #Whoa, they say The world's your oyster 306 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:57,280 #Ma'am, but oysters ain't for me 307 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:02,200 #You're the belle of the ball But you ain't my cup of tea 308 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:07,120 #They always vote you best in show But this doggie disagrees 309 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:11,560 #'Cause I like life in Paddy's Pub # 310 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:14,480 - Okay. - #There's a place for me 311 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:15,800 #It's the place I go 312 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:19,200 #Where the beer is cheap And the lights are low 313 00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:20,560 #It's Paddy's Pub 314 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:23,360 #I like Paddy's Pub 315 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:27,840 #Let the record show The greatest place to go 316 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:33,400 #Is that bar called Paddy's Pub (playing harmonica) 317 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:45,600 #I like life in Paddy's Pub# 318 00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:50,600 - My goodness! - Hey, hey! 319 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:52,680 - Well, well, well. My goodness. CHARLIE: Wait, 320 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,240 you guys really like it? You're not just bullshitting me? 321 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,960 (all chattering) I tried to go right down the middle, you know, 322 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:58,680 Middle America, Randy Newman... 323 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:00,200 Yeah, I didn't catch any rape references, 324 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:02,200 nothin' about spiders, nothin' about ghouls. 325 00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:04,240 - Rats and cheese, or... (chuckles) - Why would there be rape? 326 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:05,800 You're always talkin' about rape and spiders, so... 327 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:08,160 - You guys misinterpret it, but... - Charlie, that was great. 328 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,480 It was really great. You really knocked it outta the park. 329 00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:12,720 Let's go down to the basement and get some lemons for the party. 330 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:16,160 Yeah! Sure, okay. I'm glad you like the song, man. (Frank chuckling) 331 00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:18,040 (lock clicks) 332 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,040 CHARLIE: Are you lockin' me in here? - Yeah. 333 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:22,440 Well, we just couldn't have him do that song. 334 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,120 - Doesn't make any sense. - It's ridiculous. 335 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,440 All right. Let's put on a good show. 336 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:29,720 #Hey, I just met you 337 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:33,280 #And this is crazy But here's my number 338 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,520 - #So call me maybe # - Right. 339 00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:37,400 People are startin' to arrive. This is great. 340 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:39,880 Okay, so when a customer comes up to you, remember, keep it light. 341 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:42,200 - Keep it playful. Right? - Light. Playful. Okay. 342 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:43,640 - All right? Z: Y'all ain't gotta worry about me. 343 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,400 'Cause I'mma be chattin' these fools up like a mug. 344 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:49,480 - Cool. - Okay, thanks, Z. 345 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:51,400 I'm a little worried about him. We should've gotten a less 346 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:54,760 ntense black guy for diversity, but we don't have any in our roster. 347 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:56,880 But maybe we could find another one, throw him into the mix? 348 00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:58,200 You know, to counter Z's vibe? 349 00:14:58,360 --> 00:14:59,600 You gotta be really careful about the ratio. 350 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,920 We get too many black guys, people think it's a black bar. 351 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:03,520 - That will not help us. - Black bars don't win awards. 352 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:04,920 - No. - I dunno know why, but they don't. 353 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:06,920 Lovin' these lights, you guys. 354 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:10,920 I am glowing like an angel over here. Oh, my God. 355 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,320 Hi, can I get a drink? 356 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,280 Hey, I'm Mac. Welcome to Paddy's Pub. 357 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:18,280 I like to recommend to our first-timers our signature cocktail. 358 00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:21,720 Caribbean Paradise. Some people say it's better than bustin' a nut. 359 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:24,480 - Excuse me? - Bustin' a nut. 360 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:26,280 It's like, uh, you know, blowin' your load. 361 00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:27,760 - Oh, God. - He said it was a funny joke. 362 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:29,280 - Well, no... Hold on. - Yeah. 363 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:31,680 It's like coming all over you. It's light, it's playful. 364 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:34,480 Well, no. I think what my friend is tryin' to refer to is an orgasm, 365 00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:37,080 which is light and playful, but he overstepped himself 366 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:38,480 and got a little bit too specific. 367 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:40,840 Sorry. We jizz in the drink and that's what makes it light. 368 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,880 No, no. Nobody's jizzing on anything. 369 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:44,400 - Well, where do I jizz? - You don't jizz. 370 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:46,120 How can I orgasm if I don't jizz? 371 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,480 - No. Ma'am, I think what... - Just tell me where I jizz 372 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:49,880 so I can give this lady her drink. 373 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:52,480 Ma'am, what would you like to drink? And we won't jizz on anything. 374 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:55,680 - Not like Mac's ever had an orgasm. - Holy shit, you're late. 375 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:57,520 - She was late. - Go back in your light. 376 00:15:57,680 --> 00:15:58,800 (door closes) We're all set up back there. 377 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,080 Deandra, grab a couple bottles of champagne. Let's go. 378 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:03,000 No, no, no. I got it, I got it. Dee, stay in your light. 379 00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:05,640 Come with me. Come here. (whispering) All right. Listen. 380 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:08,360 What was that? All right. Look, look, look. 381 00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:12,040 You two do the charged moment, huh? Will they or won't they? 382 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:16,400 #We are never ever ever 383 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,760 #Getting back together# (sighs) 384 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,560 - What's wrong, Dee? - Oh, nothing. 385 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,040 - Lemme guess, boyfriend troubles? - Hmm. 386 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:27,760 MAC: This guy doesn't know what he's got. He's really ugly, too. 387 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:30,240 - I'm sorry, are you talkin' to me? - Yeah. 388 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,960 I said her boyfriend's ugly. Pay attention, bozo. 389 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:34,840 DEE: Okay, he's not ugly, all right? That wouldn't make any sense. 390 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,360 That's... He's not ugly. 391 00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:38,640 - Dude's a total tool, too. - It's... (stammers) 392 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,600 You know what he's not? He's not covered in stupid tattoos 393 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:41,920 and he doesn't have a cigarette for a mother... 394 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,760 What? Don't talk shit about my mom! 395 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,560 (straining) Whoa, hey! Hey! (glass breaks) (both grunting) 396 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:47,840 Hey, hey, hey, hey! Stop. What the hell's goin' on over here? 397 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,320 - I was just... - That man is choking that woman. 398 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:54,520 Get over here. What are you doing? This isn't will they or won't they? 399 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,840 This is I know they won't and I know I don't want them to. 400 00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:00,520 (grunting) Excuse me, there's a guy crawling out of your floor. 401 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:03,920 (grunting) DENNIS: Oh, uh, that's okay. That's just our janitor. 402 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:05,840 Uh, don't worry about it, gentlemen. What are you doing, dude? 403 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,560 - I broke out. - Are you high? 404 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:11,880 You put me in the basement with spray cans. I got high. 405 00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:15,000 Do me a favor, go back in the basement. Get higher if you want. 406 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,880 Just go back in. Don't sit down there. 407 00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:19,440 No, no, no, don't, don't. Oh, goddamn it. (strumming keyboard) 408 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,240 - What are we gonna do? - It looks like Z brought friends. 409 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,320 - Yo, yo, yo. What up? - Aw, jeez. 410 00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:26,480 That's too many black guys, dude. The ratio's off. 411 00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:28,240 - Dennis, the ratio's off! - Okay, you know what? 412 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,120 Ooh, ooh, ooh, the burlesque. Remember? 413 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:33,200 Burlesque. Yes, yes, yes. Hey, guys... Gentlemen. Gentlemen. 414 00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:35,640 How about something a little bit more upscale, yeah? 415 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:37,400 Here, come with me. I wanna show you somethin'. 416 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:38,880 - Yeah, this is classy. Oh! ALL: Oh! 417 00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:41,120 - Put it in. Put the bottle in! - Oh, my God. I did! 418 00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:43,200 Put it in. (both grunting) 419 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,480 - Get the bottle out! - I'm trying! 420 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,120 (gags) Don't judge me. This is art. 421 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:49,280 - Shut the door! - This is not art! 422 00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:51,400 CHARLIE (over mic): Attention. Attention, everybody. 423 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:53,360 I got a little ditty about Paddy's Pub. 424 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:54,880 (in deranged voice) I'm a singer. 425 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:56,040 - Charlie's doin' the song. DENNIS: Yeah. 426 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,440 The song was light. The song was light. 427 00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,520 - That'll lighten things up. - Do the song, dude. 428 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:02,320 Please enjoy this song. (playing keyboard) 429 00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:06,160 #There is a spider Spider, spider 430 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,600 #He's deep in my soul, soul 431 00:18:11,120 --> 00:18:14,240 #He's lived here for years, years 432 00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:17,280 #He just won't let go 433 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:20,520 #He's layin' around 434 00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:23,120 #He's got a mean bite 435 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,640 #Now he's ready to 436 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:30,800 (in high-pitched voice) #Fight 437 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:38,080 #And stand up for what he knows 438 00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:45,160 #I don't need your trophies Or your gold 439 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:47,680 #I just wanna tell you all 440 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:51,440 #Go (bleep) yourselves# 441 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:54,600 (laughing) Oh, shit. (high-pitched singing) 442 00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:03,120 #Go (bleep) yourselves 443 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:05,600 (spits) #Whoo, wah-ooh# 444 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:07,560 BOTH: Is he spitting? - Oh, he's spitting at them. 445 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:10,120 (spits) Is that the sign? 446 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:12,440 - Spit! Spit! - Hey, you! (all spitting) 447 00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:14,080 What is wrong with you people? (all clamoring) 448 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,520 - Get out of our bar! - We don't need you! 449 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:17,840 Get out of here! 450 00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:22,400 #I really mean to tell you (bleep) you, (bleep) 451 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:24,040 #I don't need you in my bar# 452 00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:26,800 - Beat it! - There's your damn award! 453 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,960 #Ooh# 454 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:34,280 (clears throat) 455 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,640 - Did you hear my song? - I heard it. I love it. 456 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,280 - Great song, Charlie. - Yeah, man. 457 00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:40,960 You know what, that felt good. That felt real good. 458 00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:43,760 I mean, I guess it is us after all, you know? It's us. 459 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:45,680 - All right, it's us. - Yeah. 460 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:47,800 Well, screw them, you know why? 'Cause I like us. 461 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:50,040 - I like us, too, Dee. - Yeah. Well, because we're awesome. 462 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:52,320 Yeah, it's 'cause we're good at what we do. 463 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:53,840 We do our own thing and we're good at it. 464 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,000 - I don't need their validation. ALL: No. 465 00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:57,800 - That's exactly right. - No, no, I'm happy with us. 466 00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:00,040 Totally. (all sighing) 467 00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:03,440 - I really wanted an award, though. - I was dying for one. 468 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:05,400 - Ah, that'd be so nice. - Would've meant a lot. 469 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:07,760 ALL: Yeah. (sighs)